


Wasn't Expecting Any of This

by raelee514



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Homophobia, Idiots, M/M, Multi, Singer/Songwriter Jimmy, Thomas loves Clocks, Thomas/Jimmy endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-09-25 07:32:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 84
Words: 188,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9809441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raelee514/pseuds/raelee514
Summary: Thomas has his life all mapped out.  Jimmy's life is a mess.  What happens when they meet and it all crashes together.





	1. Chapter 1

Thomas Barrow woke up in an empty bed. He frowned at the rumbled sheets and the spot where a pillow was missing. He sat up and looked around his empty bedroom. As if it would give him the answer as where Philip at disappeared to — he never woke up after Philip. No one woke up after Philip. He was a sound and a very late sleeper. Which came from staying up until daylight was dawning — Thomas groaned. He looked at the clock, he hadn’t fallen asleep until sometime after 6 am. It was 10:22 am now… he almost fell back into the pillows. 

Instead he got up, walked to his bureau and pulled on a pair of black boxers. He looked in the mirror and quickly ran a comb through his unruly hair. Straightening it but it still flopped into his eyes, so he shoved it aside and walked out of his room. 

Instantly he smelled pancakes and bacon. He frowned, irritation going up his spine. Sure enough the minute he turned the corner out of the hall he saw Sybil in their galley kitchen cooking breakfast for Philip. 

“Ah, Thomas, my sleeping beauty, you are awake.” Philip called out with his widest most charming grin on his face. Thomas wanted to punch him. Instead he focused his eyes on Sybil. 

She looked back at him and gave a warm smile. “You look like you should go back to bed — did you get any sleep?”

“No,” he said and looked at Philip.

“Yes, I kept him rather late, I’m afraid.”

“Bloody more like this morning,” Thomas sighed.

“Coffee,” Sybil pointed to their coffee maker. “Fresh. Don’t worry, I made it.”

Thomas stared at her and wondered if she really thought Philip might have deigned to make his own coffee. She shrugged at his look and started flipping pancakes. 

“Sybil offered to make me her breakfast special.”

“I’m amazed you’re awake for it.” Thomas’ confusion at Philip’s early rising turned into suspicion.

“Ah, yes, yes… I usually am quite the late riser, Sybil.”

“Never come across you in the morning light, before, I will say,” she answered with one of her more fake smiles at Philip’s direction. Thomas forced himself not smirk along with her. 

“Perhaps you were worried I was a vampire?”

Sybil started laughing and Thomas sighed, Philip charmed her a bit with that and he shook his own head. “I’ve always thought, Thomas was a bit of a vampire.”

“It’s the brooding,” Philip shot him a smile. 

Thomas stared at the two of them. Why he was the butt of the joke? “Philip, why are making her cook for you?” 

“She offered.”

“I found him about to eat duck for breakfast, I thought pancakes were more suited.”

“You were going to eat my left over duck,” Thomas accused.

Philip put his hands up. “I didn’t bring home any of my lobster. What did you expect. I’m useless in a kitchen.”

Thomas walked to the coffee maker, he did need coffee, a lot of it. “I would never have guessed.” 

“Don’t be a spoilsport, Thomas.”

Thomas looked over at him and saw him really for the first time. He tilted his head and stared. “When did you bring THAT over here. That robe is an atrocity. It looks like it belongs on the skeletal remains of a victim of the Titanic.”

Philip looked down at the robe he was wearing and back up at him. “This cost me a pretty penny.”

Thomas laughed. 

“What? I’m sure it did.”

“You were robbed. Should burn it.”

“Should I take it off now and turn Sybil’s face red.”

“Oh, I think I could handle it.” 

“I suppose you can… I mean, Thomas sure isn’t worried about flashing his manly chest at you now is he.” 

Thomas turned to see Philip staring right at his chest, his expression suggestive and he found himself turning away, too aware of Sybil’s presence. 

“Here you go,” Sybil said to Philip and deposited a dish of pancakes and bacon in front of Philip, along with a cup of tea.

“You made him tea,” Thomas accused, thinking she’d made him coffee along with herself. He looked at the dishes she’d put in the sink. She hadn’t made herself breakfast either. 

“He asked, and I’m sorry I didn’t make you anything but I didn’t think you’d wake up,” she gave him a guilty look.

Thomas fumed inwardly. He wasn’t mad at her, he was mad at Philip. He didn’t think about anything but his own whims. He watched her grab her thermos and pour what was left of the coffee into it. 

“You have class,” Thomas shot Philip a glare but it went unnoticed. 

“I’ll be late for it if I don’t hurry,” she explained. Then she kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear. “You can do better.” 

“I shall see you again soon, Sybil, I hope.” Philip called after her.

“I can’t wait,” she said and gave Thomas a look that spoke the opposite. 

But he ignored it and watched the door close behind her. Then looked back at Philip. He was eating the pancakes with a surprised look on his face. He saw Thomas watching and nodded. “I’m quite surprised. A Crawley girl knows how to cook? I’d bet my whole fortune that Mary’s never seen a kitchen. And Edith…. She’d burn their house down.”

Thomas rolled his eyes. 

“Sybil’s quite the strange one, isn’t she?”

“Sybil’s wonderful,” Thomas said, and he stole a piece of of Philip’s bacon. “You owe her for this.”

“I’ll leave a thank you note,” Philip said. “That will do right?”

“Why are you up?”

“I’m afraid I have an appointment.”

“An appointment?”

“With my father, it’s business or something. I’m not sure, but I’ve been summoned, and this time I can’t blow it off.”

Thomas shrugged. He found he didn’t really care why Philip was awake or where he was going. He looked back toward his bedroom, pining for his bed but a quick glance at the microwave clock told him it was nothing but a wish. 

“It’s fine,” he said. “If you slept your normal ten hours, it’d have been you waking up alone.”

“Yes, yes… it was you finding the empty spot for once. I doubt it’ll happen again.” Philip stopped eating, Thomas noticed he’d left more than half of Sybil’s work on the plate. 

“Will you tie a tie for me?” Philip continued. “I’m going to wear the brown suit I have here. I should jump in the shower, feel free to finish it. I guess it shouldn’t go to waste.”

“No. It shouldn’t,” Thomas muttered to himself more than to Philip. Thomas frowned as he watched Philip walk down the hall in his ugly ass robe. He found himself wondering just when he’d brought over his brown suit. Just how much of Philip’s wardrobe was in Thomas’ apartment? They weren’t living together, far from it. Thomas had a few things over at Philips — just enough for a few overnights. But nothing important. He certainly had none of his suits there, not even the ones for work. 

He grabbed the fork and started in on the pancakes. Sybil was a good cook and there was no way he was letting them go to waste. He slide into the seat Philip vacated and started to list the things he had do before work. He had classes today, beginning of a new semester. His first in over a year. Life and money having made it impossible for him to return to working on his Masters in Business. But now he had a steady paycheck and a steady job. And he knew exactly what he was going to do with his degree and knowledge once he had it — own his own nightclub. More than one if he played his cards right. 

Working at one had made it clear to him. It was lucrative and he was good at it. He was really good at it. Edith Crawley would have nothing if it weren’t for him. Her little whim that her family money got her — it’d never have survived it’s first year without him. Not that he got any credit for it. He frowned and stabbed the last of the pancakes onto his fork. 

There was a pounding on the door. Thomas frowned. Who would be pounding on their door at this time of day. He walked over and looked through the peephole and frowned. He saw a very tall, homely looking young man standing in front of the door. 

He opened the door. “What?”

“Oh..uh…Hi… Where is the lady?” the young man was staring over Thomas’s head and looked really uncomfortable. It took Thomas a second but then he realized he was only wearing a pair of black boxers. He was truly still half asleep, he determined. 

“Where’s the lady… uh Sybil?”

“She isn’t here.” Thomas stopped himself from adding that she was way too good for the likes of him. 

“I was told the woman who lives here would have our keys.”

“Keys?” Thomas repeated but his brain caught up. Mrs. Hughes their landlord had had a family emergency and she’d asked Sybil to take care of a few things. One of them was letting new tenants into their apartment. The empty one in the corner of the building next to his and Sybil’s. 

“For the apartment. I’m Alfred Nugent,” he said with a smile as if his name would solve everything. 

“Hold on.” Thomas slammed the door in his face.

“Uh, HELLO,” he heard a muffled shout.

“IN A MINUTE,” he shouted back. 

He walked over to the desk Sybil had in their main room. It was next to his and both of them were covered with books. Hers were medical and his were business. Both were messes. He frowned and looked around on the cluttered surface. He opened a drawer and then other one. It was in the fourth drawer he opened that he saw it. An envelope marked Nugent/Kent/Mason/Stuart. He smiled in disbelief. Four people living in that apartment. He and Sybil felt crowded somedays — usually when Philip wouldn’t leave. 

“Thomas, the tie!” 

“Speaking of…” Thomas muttered and he walked to the door and opened it. “Here you go,” he shoved the envelope at the guy. 

“Oh. Uh… thanks.” 

Thomas shut the door on Alfred again and immediately forgot about him. He walked down the hall and into his bedroom, and saw Philip holding two ties up toward his throat looking confused. Shaking his head, he walked over to him and took away both ties. “You have the worst taste,” he mumbled. 

“Are you going to make disparaging remarks about this suit… it’s handmade and Italian.”

Thomas looked it up and down. He looked Philip up and down. It was tailor made for him and his ass looked amazing. He stared for a bit, enjoying the lovely view. Best part of his day so far, he did hope he could do better. 

“Get that look off your face, we have no time.”

Thomas pulled one his own ties out of the closet, noting that it was nearly half full of clothes that weren’t even his. How had that happened? Did they need to a have a conversation about this? Did he care? 

“Oh, that will be much better,” Philip said.

Thomas stood in front of him and pulled the tie around his neck. He fixed it silently and carefully. Making it perfect. 

“I don’t know if I can come back tonight.”

“I’ll be working past 4 am, anyway tonight. We have a few private parties.”

“Celebrities?”

“I’m guessing.”

“Who then?”

“I don’t know.”

“Edith didn’t tell you?”

“Of course she mentioned, I just paid no attention.”

“You wouldn’t know who they were even if you had, always your nose in books and such.”

“I don’t need to know names of people to serve them properly.”

“Now, now, it’s me you are talking too. You want to know the rich, you want to know the names.”

“They aren’t A-List and the certainly don’t have fortunes they can rest their laurels on. I need stability in my clients. Not people with only fifteen minutes of fame.”

“Right, right… how many do you hope to steal from her?”

“All of them, if I play my cards right. But first things first I need the degree.”

“You could do it without it.”

“There are still things to learn.”

“You know enough.”

“Not yet,” Thomas finished the tie. “There you go….” He ran his hand down the tie and down Philip’s chest. “You do look dashing, though I’d never dress you in brown.”

“No? I’ve been told it’s my color.”

“I’m sure they like that robe too?”

“Maybe they do…” Philip said lowly.

“Don’t,” Thomas snapped.

“What? Try to make you jealous? I like when you get handsy.”

“Thought we had no time for that,” Thomas started to turn away. 

“We don’t,” Philip grabbed his hand. “Come on, don’t start pouting.

Thomas turned back and glared at him.

“What? You do, you know… but I told you. No more of that.”

“Of that?” Thomas snorted. “You mean, no more cheating.”

“Yes, that… but you can’t hate me for liking to see your possessive side now and again. Makes a man feel wanted.”

Thomas grabbed the tie and pulled Philip right into him, their chests touching. He stared right into his dark eyes. “And you don’t feel wanted?” he asked lowly, his hand reaching down and grabbing his ass, pushing their hips together. 

“No…” Philip whispered into his ear. “Not at all.”

Thomas shoved him away from him.

Philip smirked at him and ran his eyes up and down Thomas’ body. His eyes landing on his crotch. Thomas felt his chest and cheeks flush at the attention. He felt very underdressed suddenly, Philip in his tailor made suit and him in cheap cotton boxers. 

“If only I wasn’t in a rush… would make being up this bloody early worth it.” 

“Perhaps we never should’ve bothered with sleep,” Thomas suggested.

“I’ll know for next time…”

“What you going to start appearing whenever you are summoned now?”

“No, no — like I said I just couldn’t duck out of this one.” Philip grabbed his shoulders and pressed his mouth against Thomas. Thomas kissed him back and it held promise of more. 

“I do wish I could stay,” Philip whispered. They pulled back and gave each other matching naughty grins. Thomas watched Philip leave the room. Well that was done, he thought. It wasn’t quite how he expected to start his day. For one he would have planned on more sleep. He looked around his bedroom and his eyes fell on the robe. Philip had discarded it on the bed. His eyes went from the bed to the floor. He looked behind him and saw his own jeans on the floor from last night, with another pair of Philip’s right next to them. Turning, he rifled through the dirty laundry. Nearly half of it wasn’t his. Nearly half of it was Philips. He went to his bureau and opened the drawers. Boxer briefs that weren’t his, t-shirts that weren’t his. He looked at the clutter on his bureau and saw watches he couldn’t afford. Three of them. He stalked into his bathroom and frowned as he saw toiletries that weren’t his. Even the whole room smelled like Philip, because he’d been using his own body wash.

“Fuck.”


	2. Chapter 2

Thomas stepped into his office and pulled at the knot of his black tie. Music was still pulsing in his blood and loud in his ears, despite the fact he couldn’t hear it any longer. His office was in the way back of the building, far from the dance floors and throngs of bodies. This was a brief respite, but he needed a break from it all. 

He was tired when he showed up at work. After nearly no sleep and two classes on economics Thomas had just wanted to go home and collapse into his bed. But he had to head straight to Betwixt. The nightclub he ran for Edith Crawley. It was her baby, but he kept up in and running. He made sure her chosen guests were happy, the general public was happy and he himself was happy. 

He wanted to do this for himself. His own whims and not Edith’s. He wanted his own club and he felt the determination for that rise today. Because of all the damn fires he had to put out. Edith, as was her habit double booked DJs and somehow had managed to triple book the most popular VIP lounge. Then there were late deliveries, employees who decided to not show up — which meant he was going to have to conduct interviews. He hated interviews. 

He dropped the sweaty shirt on his desk and pulled out one that matched it perfectly from his office closest. He looked inside it, it had more shirts, ties, a few versions of the same jacket he sometimes wore as well as a few extra pairs of the black jeans he wore. 

It was more clothes than he had at Philip’s flat, he was sure of it. There was no way he had more than this at Philip’s. He frowned thinking about all the clothes, the watches and toiletries. It was an issue, he knew it, but what he couldn’t figure out was it if was a problem or not. Was it? He and Philip been dating off and on for years. Damn it, was years, a lot of years that Thomas didn’t want to think about. He was getting old — irritation rolled up his spine as he thought about how far he had to go still to get the degree he wanted. The more charming and dealing he had to do keep up his contacts and relationships in this world — so when he went off on his own he’d have a steady and ready rich cliental. He planned to steal as many resources as he could from Edith. 

He heard his door open behind and sighed. “What is it now?” he snapped as he turned around and then felt guilty. Sybil was looking right him. She smirked at him and shook her head. 

“Do you really talk to your employees like that?”

“They deserve it, especially today. Three people decided to not show up.”

“That’s awful. So, I guess you’ll be doing interviews,” Sybil giggled.

“It’s not funny.”

“It’s a little funny,” Sybil laughed. 

“Why are you here?” Thomas looked at his watch. It was going on 2 am, closing time was in an hour. He should get back out to the floor. “Don’t you have to be at the hospital at 6?”

“I do, but I wanted to talk to you and I looked at my schedule and your schedule and realized this was our only bubble for the next week.”

Thomas frowned. 

“And this is important.”

“What, what’s wrong?” he crossed the room to step closer to her. Sybil was his favorite person, that she put up with him at all always shocked him. 

“It’s not that anything is really wrong… it’s just. Philip is in our apartment.”

“He’s what?”

“In our apartment. He came in around three, I was just there for a second because I forgot a book.”

“How did he get in?”

“You didn’t give him the key?”

“No.”

“Huh… then I guess it’s worse than I thought. I thought maybe you and he decided this and you hadn’t had the guts to tell me?”

“Decided? What?”

“That he’s moving in? Cause, honestly Thomas if you two want to live together, I think his flat would be the better choice.”

“We aren’t living together,” Thomas argued. 

“Really?” Sybil sighed. “He was ordering food when I left and he had a garment bag with him.”

Thomas shut his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I don’t like him, Thomas.”

“I know.”

“He’s not right for you.”

“Sybil…”

“I know you think he is because the both of you hate the world.”

“Sybil…”

“And I know you do care about him — because I know you, you wouldn’t stay with someone you didn’t care about. But you don’t love him… I’ve seen you in love…”

“DON’T.”

Sybil sighed and grabbed his hand. “I’m sorry, but see… you don’t care that much about Philip. I really think, you need stop it.”

“I’m not breaking up with him,” Thomas said and hoped she wouldn’t press because he didn’t have an answer for why. “I noticed the clothes and other things too and I’ll talk to him about it. But there is no reason for us to break up.”

“Other than you can do better than Philip.”

“He’s a Duke.”

“Not yet, and a title is no reason.”

“He can help me.”

“What? His so called friends — more like rich peers and his contacts. So he’s good for your career ambitions? Really Thomas?”

“One of those peers is your sister.”

“Mary will help you without Philip.”

Thomas rolled his eyes. “No, Sybil she wouldn’t… and you know it.”

Sybil sighed. “Her and Edith are just…”

“Snobs. Rich, snooty snobs, who think they’re better than the likes of me.”

“Thomas but you…”

“Working class Sybil.”

“Dating a Duke.”

“That’s different.”

“Is it?” Sybil sighed. “I want you to be happy, Thomas.”

“I am. Everything is on track. One more year of school and I finally afford it thanks to this job. Thanks to this job, I’m learning more and more everyday what I do and don’t want to do with my own nightclub. Philip and I… we’re in a good groove.”

“I don’t want him moving in.”

“I’ll talk to him about it.”

“I mean it Thomas, I don’t want to be mean but no.”

“I agree.”

“Do you?”

“Yes.”

“Cause you seem not to care.”

“Because I don’t…” Thomas let out a breath. “I really need to get back out there.” He started buttoning the shirt he’d been pulling on when she walked in. Sybil went to his desk and picked up the tie. He turned and she swung it around his neck and started fixing it. He shook his head a bit and she tssked at him. 

“Just accept the favor.”

“Fine,” he tried to snap it but it lacked bite. 

“There, now you look all dapper and out of a different era.” 

“I’ll talk to him about all the time he’s spending with us.”

“Please do.”

“But next time don’t cook for him.”

Sybil sighed. 

“You’re too nice.”

“I am not, he was going to eat your duck. I know how you feel about duck.”

Thomas laughed. 

Sybil chuckled and leaned up on her toes and kissed his cheek. “I probably won’t see you until next Friday.”

Thomas frowned, it was Thursday. “Really?”

“My hours at the hospital are crazy this week and classes. I think I’ll be crashing at the hospital, it’ll just be easier.”

“Very well…. I’ll talk to him.”

“Do.” Sybil nodded and walked off. 

Thomas watched her and let out a sigh. She was right, he and Philip did need to talk. Maybe not so much about the possibility of moving in together but about why Philip was spending so much time at his place and bringing over so many of his things. There was a reason and Thomas doubted it was about them moving in together. 

It was something else, he thought. He furrowed his brow, thinking about it as he made his way back onto the main floor. The second he walked out, near the back of the bar the bartender yelled his name. Thomas sighed and walked over to him. 

“Gotta problem with a drunk, he won’t give over his keys.”

Thomas sighed. “Where?” it was policy they took keys and sent drunks home in cabs. It was a pricey policy but one Edith was adamant on, she was taking a political stand against drunk driving. Thomas figured it was her money to waste — and she had money to waste without the nightclub. So who was he to defy it. Plus it wasn’t like he was against stopping drunks from ruining lives. 

“Branson’s attempting,” the bartender pointed toward a table. 

Branson. Thomas pushed away the rush of dislike. He wasn’t sure why he hated the Irish bartender. Something about him put Thomas off, he just reminded himself Branson was a good worker. Unlike some of his staff he always showed up. 

Thomas glanced over. All he could see from where he was was unruly blonde hair and broad shoulders. He was moving a lot and shaking his head. As Thomas drew closer he could make out snippets of the conversation.

“It’s club policy, sir.”

“To cut me off before I’m done drinking and to steal me car!”

“We’re not stealing your… sir, if you’d just give me your keys.”

“Give me my drink.”

“Who’s this?” Thomas asked as he started walking around the table. 

“This is one of Mrs. Anstruther’s party…” Branson muttered.

But Thomas didn’t hear him. Thomas felt blinded. Standing right there in front of him was possibly the most beautiful man he’d ever seen. He stared at him and felt an instant longing to touch him. 

“Jimmy Kent, at your service,” the man said, his eyes going up and down Thomas’ body. “Maybe you can tell this bastard to just give me my drink.” 

Thomas stared.

“He’s had enough.”

“No I haven’t,” he whined, the words slurring together. He pulled out money out of his pocket, dollars falling everywhere. “Now what will it take to get me my drink?”

Thomas shook himself, it didn’t matter he was beautiful. And he was beautiful, but he was drunk and that was a liability. “Branson, I’ll take care of this,” he said. 

“You will?” 

Thomas glared at Branson. Usually in these situation he walked in and threatened to call the cops and acted threatening until the customer decided to just listen to the bartender - who then did all the dirty work of getting the keys, address, calling their lift service and babysitting the drunk until it arrived. 

“Okay, you will,” Branson threw up his hands and walked away. 

Thomas bent down and picked the three hundred dollar bills that were on the floor. Standing up he looked Jimmy Kent up and down again. Wow. He cleared his throat. “Where did you get this?”

“Oh, I can always make money,” he grinned. 

Thomas felt his stomach dip. “You are…” he started to say something he shouldn’t.

“Jimmy Kent, at your service,” he said again, eyes dipping down and back up as they had before. 

Thomas couldn’t stop himself from smiling back and openly staring. 

“So my drink?”

“Yes, of course, this way,” Thomas brought him over behind the bar.

“I’m paying too much to make it me self.”

Thomas shook his head. “I’m afraid you aren’t getting another drink, Mr. Kent.”

He made a face. “It’s Jimmy.”

“Jimmy.”

“Who’re you?” he asked leaning forward. 

“Thomas Barrow,” he said. 

“Thomas Barrow. Sounds important.”

Thomas nodded. 

“You are important,” Jimmy grinned. “You must know my…my…” He shook his head. “What do you call a woman old enough to be your mom?”

“Anstruther,” Thomas shook his head. It was shame he was one of her boy toys. A real shame, he thought, staring at Jimmy. He could stare at him forever, he thought. 

“RIGHT. I lost her in the crowd. Then, I bet someone that I could play any song he came up with on the piano over there… Showed him up, won all this…” he pulled out the money again, more hundreds flying. 

Thomas watched them fall to the floor and thought it was lucky Branson noticed all of this. “Jimmy,” he said. “I need your car keys.”

“Why?”

“I can’t let you drive home.”

“Why not? My car…” he slurred and punched Thomas’ arm.

Thomas grinned at him. “You’re…”

“What?” He blinked at Thomas. 

“Drunk, you’re drunk,” Thomas told himself, shaking his head. 

“I am?”

“You are.”

“Oh.”

“Give me your car keys?” Thomas tried. 

“Sure, Thomas!” He dug into his pocket and handed over a set of keys. 

Thomas took them, noting the musical note keychain. He bent under one of the registers for the cards they used. “Okay, so your name is Jimmy Kent.”

“At your service.”

He really needed to stop saying that, Thomas thought. All sorts of services he could perform for Thomas rushing through his mind. “Yes, I know.”

“Good.”

“Where do you live?”

“Oh. HA!” Jimmy laughed. “I just moved, it’s um.. Hold on.” He started digging through his pockets, more money flying out and Thomas caught Branson’s eye behind the bar and indicated he should pick it all up. “HERE,” he handed Thomas a slip of paper. 

Thomas looked at it, registered it was an address. He hoped it was the right one. He grabbed a pen and wrote down Jimmy’s name and the started on the address. 

_#304 Downton Street…_

He stopped short. 

“Is that not it?”

Thomas looked up at him and right into deep blue eyes. Damn, he could stare into those for hours. He licked his lips and forgot for a long moment what he was about to say and why he was about to say it. 

“That is it, right?” Jimmy grabbed the paper back. “Yep, that’s it the new address.”

“You’re my neighbor,” Thomas said and he felt like he was floating outside his body. What was Jimmy Kent doing to him? “You’re my neighbor,” he repeated it because it had to be a lie. No way was this dream living next door to him. 

“Really? Lucky me then,” Jimmy laughed.


	3. Chapter 3

“You’re my neighbor,” Thomas said and he felt like he was floating outside his body. What was Jimmy Kent doing to him? “You’re my neighbor,” he repeated it because it had to be a lie. No way was this dream living next door to him. 

“Really? Lucky me then,” Jimmy laughed. 

“Maybe,” Thomas said and wondered if been kicked in the head or if someone slipped something in one of his drink. He blinked and looked back down at the card he was supposed to be filling. Out lifted the pen to continue but he kept staring at the address. He dropped his pen and shoved Jimmy’s keys into his pocket. “Come on,” he grabbed Jimmy by the elbow again. 

“Where are…”

“Not your business, keep working,” Thomas snapped at Branson and the other bartender. 

“Yes, sir, Mr. Barrow,” the bartender said quickly.

Branson however eyed him. Thomas glared at him. “Thomas..”

“Mr. Barrow… we aren’t co-workers anymore, _Tom,_ ” he said with venom.

“Right. No. We aren’t.” 

“Wow, your eyes turn icy when you’re pissed…” Jimmy sang into his ear. 

Thomas shivered and dared to look back at the drunk blonde he was holding onto him. Maybe he wouldn’t be so bright and beautiful now that Thomas had more than a few good eyefuls of him. 

“Don’t think I want you mad at me,” Jimmy said as Thomas turned and their eyes met. Thomas felt it again, a longing to touch, hold. Own. He gripped Jimmy’s elbow tighter, feeling him solid and there in Thomas’s hold. 

_Keep._ echoed in his head. He shook himself, this was crazy, but he kept walking them. He walked them all down to his office and he walked in and flicked on the lights. 

“Bright, bright…wow that’s too bright,” Jimmy screamed out and Thomas looking at Jimmy agreed. 

He turned off all but one of the lights. He then pushed Jimmy down onto the black leather couch that was along the back wall. Jimmy went down in lurch but then he moaned, “Oh wow, this is nice.” He stroked the leather and Thomas couldn’t stop the groan that tore out of his throat.

Jimmy looked up at him. “What we doing?” 

“What do…” Thomas shook himself. “Look, instead of having to pay for you to be driven home, I’m going to take you home.”

“Yeah,” Jimmy’s grin broadened. 

Thomas felt something lurch in his chest. He didn’t dare think… No. “We live next door, remember?”

“We’ve met before? No, I’d remember that, Thomas.”

Thomas grinned. “No, we haven’t. Just, stay here, okay…” he went to desk and grabbed one of the water bottles he kept in a lower drawer. “And drink this,” he held out the bottle. 

Jimmy reached out and grabbed it, his fingers brushing against Thomas’ and Thomas inhaled sharply, something sparked and he wondered if Jimmy felt it too — though Jimmy was probably feeling nothing at this point. He watched though as a graceful hand wrapped around the bottle. He bit back another groan. 

He was so beautiful it hurt. “Drink that and rest.” 

“Whatever you want,” Jimmy grinned. 

Thomas hurried out of his office before he took Jimmy up on the drunken offer. His pulse was racing, he was more sweaty than he’d been when changed shirts earlier. He closed his office door by walking backwards against it. Shutting himself out of the office more than closing Jimmy inside of it. He touched himself, through his jeans looking down and cursing. 

He was turned on and he felt drunk on it. Never in his life had felt so damn blindsided by anything. He felt he’d been laid flat after being punched in the gut. He felt dazed by it all and awed. Awestruck? What the hell? Thomas Barrow didn’t awestruck, he reprimanded himself. “Get a grip, Barrow.”

He looked up see Branson walking toward him. Anger settled over him quickly, that Branson had left the bar. He stood up to his full height, perfect posture and strode toward Branson. “What is it?”

“Anstruther wants him back.”

She wants him back?” Thomas repeated. 

“You heard me, she told me to get you or she’d tell you to fire me.”

Thomas opened his mouth but shut it again. “That makes no sense.”

“Well, she’s drunk herself. But she came in her limo and she wants him back.”

“She can’t have him,” Thomas said and started walking back toward the floor.

“I don’t know, isn’t that his call.”

“He passed out,” Thomas lied.

“Why did you bring him back here?” Branson asked looking at him oddly.

Thomas glared at him. 

“It’s just, this isn’t usual…”

“He lives next door to me.”

“But you don’t know him.”

“He just moved in — today I think. It’s new. So we met here. Look, it costs Edith ridiculous amounts of money to drive every drunk arsehole back to their own homes. She’s got the money to burn and good cause but it’s expensive. He lives next to me. I’m just going to take him home and save the club some money.”

“Oh,” Branson nodded. 

Thomas wasn’t sure if he was flattered or possibly offended that Branson bought that reason so quickly. Thomas tried to tell himself he’d be doing this if was anyone else, but he wasn’t so sure…. What the hell? He’d just met Jimmy. 

“Well, you can deal with Anstruther.”

“Yes, I will.”

~~~

Sally Anstruther was pushing fifty and was pretending she was in her twenties. It wasn’t pretty and Thomas had no clue why any man would find her attractive in the least. Granted he had no real use for women at all, but he could understand a man wanting someone like Sybil or even her sisters. But Sally Anstruther? 

“Thomas, Thomas,” She leered at him, her eyes traveling his body. It was the shot repulsion he needed to take care of Jimmy’s lingering effects. At least that was useful he thought. “I heard you too my pretty bonny boy away?”

“Instead of calling him a ride, I’m going to take him myself. He lives in my neighborhood.”

“Really, the two of you live close by…” she gave him a predatory grin. 

“I’m gay,” he reminded her. 

“Oh, haven’t ever wanted to check out the other side?”

“Never,” he said. If other women hadn’t managed to get him to experiment, she sure as hell wasn’t. 

“Such a loss,” She tittered and touched his chest. “But you must give me back my bonny boy.”

“No.”

“No?” she said. 

“He passed out. He’s far too drunk to be of any….use to you.”

“I told him he was drinking far too much but he was celebrating. His band got a…a…JIG!” 

Thomas rolled his eyes. 

“He passed out?”

“Out cold,” Thomas lied. 

She sighed dramatically. “Very well…” she looked toward the bar. “Braxton?”

“Branson ma’am,” he said and he shot Thomas a look of alarm 

Thomas smirked smugly. She was his problem now. 

“Ma’am? Now don’t be silly that’s my mother. Call me Sally, sweetie,” she swooped over the bar and sat on a stool. 

Thomas rolled his eyes and started walking around the floor. Getting asked questions and making sure everyone was getting ready to close everything up for the night. By time he was walking around and empty club it was almost four in the morning and he felt like he’d been awake for days. 

He also felt like his job was taking twice as long because he was in hurry to get back to the beautiful man he’d left alone in his office. Jimmy Kent, the name suited him and Thomas couldn’t help but thing it’d be quite amazing to be at that man’s service. 

Not that anything would happen. No, there was Philip and who knew what Jimmy’s tastes were. He was at the club with Anstruther of all people. Thomas frowned at that and the idea that hag gotten to touch that man. That was a crime, he was sure of it. 

He pushed open his door to his office and told himself the guy wouldn’t blind him this time. He was tired to be blinded, and really someone couldn’t surprise you like that every time you looked at them. Thomas walked in and blinked. Jimmy was awake and standing. He was looking at a photograph that Thomas kept on his desk. 

“Don’t touch that,” Thomas barked, his eyes on the photograph and not Jimmy. He strode across the room and grabbed it out of the man’s hands. “Just don’t…” he looked at the photograph and felt a familiar stabbing. But then he lowered it down and put back where Jimmy had lifted it from. 

“Uh, sorry… boyfriend?”

“No. It’s not important.” He looked toward Jimmy. They were standing close, he could feel the heat radiating off of his body and he was still blindingly beautiful to Thomas. 

“I think it is,” Jimmy said.

“It’s just…” Thomas sighed. 

“Was?”

Thomas pressed his lips together. “You seem more sober.”

Jimmy laughed. “I passed out for a bit, the water helped…” he scratched the back of his head. “So, um. I know you’re Thomas, not sure how I know that but I do. But I’m not sure why I’m in your office?”

Thomas laughed. “I’m taking you home.”

“Right, cause I’m drunk and you said we’re neighbors?”

“You just moved into 304? Right?”

Jimmy nodded. “Yeah, me and my band… Does Sally know…”

“She knows I’m giving you a ride home.”

“I did come in her limo and not with my car… uh do you have my keys?”

“Yes. We didn’t know about the limo.”

“Right…” Jimmy cocked his head. “Have we met before, I mean I think I’d remember…”

“No. We haven’t…” Thomas was staring right back at him though. 

“Did you hit on me?” Jimmy asked. 

“No,” Thomas said. “I um, do have boyfriend.”

“Oh… I mean, I’m not gay.” Jimmy turned around and walked over to a painting on the wall. “I just thought maybe something happened…”

“No, nothing happened.” Thomas told himself he wasn’t disappointed. He’d been expecting it because it was how his luck tended to run. Besides, Thomas reminded he had Philip. His boyfriend, Philip. No reason to be upset Jimmy wasn’t gay, no reason at all. He was too young anyway, Thomas thought. And likely too beautiful to tame. 

“My mom died, a month ago,” Jimmy said suddenly. His eyes darting to the photograph on the desk. “So, um, I’m sorry about that.”

Thomas followed Jimmy’s glance to the face in the photo and wondered if the pain would stop. He looked at Jimmy and felt a different kind of pain. He shook his head. “How were you to know?”

“Yeah, but still… feel bad. I get it. I should’n’t been nosing around.”

Thomas cleared his throat, this wasn’t a gift of his. “Sorry about your mum,” he offered.

Jimmy shrugged.

“But, um, I brought you in here and snooping is to be expected.”

“Most people expect their privacy to be considered,” Jimmy tossed back looking grateful at the change of subject.

“I try not to be hypocrite,” Thomas said.

“So, if this was my office — not that I have one. You’d snoop.”

“Definitely.”

“So, don’t let you into my place is what you’re telling me.”

“No, no, leave me outside the door.”

“Too bad, might want to play you a song.”

Thomas shook his head. It was a cruelty that Jimmy Kent was a horrible flirt. “Come on, I really would like to leave now….” The yawn he was trying to keep back escaped. “I’ve been up far too long.”

“Maybe I should drive,” Jimmy winked at him and held out his hand.

“Not happening.”

“Had to try.”

Thomas motioned for Jimmy to leave the office. Jimmy walked by him and Thomas allowed himself look at his ass. Just because he wasn’t gay didn’t mean Thomas had to behave. In fact, and he felt sure of this, he could do all the looking he wanted. 

“Eyes up, you pervert,” Jimmy laughed. 

“No, no,” Thomas grinned and looked up and met laughing blue eyes. “Not done yet.”

“I’m not eye candy you know?”

“Not to Sally Anstruther, I’m sure.”

Jimmy turned red and Thomas watched it with amusement. 

“Just take me home,” Jimmy said and hurried off ahead of him. 

Thomas walked slowly out of his office and locked the door. He then looked down the hall at Jimmy. He had stopped walking and was swaying where he stood waiting. Thomas jerked his hand in the opposite direction Jimmy had walked. “We’re down this way.”

“Fucking…” Jimmy swore and started toward Thomas.


	4. Chapter 4

Jimmy reached out for the wall when the elevator started to go down. He felt the dip and his enter center felt utterly thrown off balance. He was drunk. A strong arm wrapped around his waist and he felt himself sink into the solid weight and he glanced over at the man helping. Thomas. Thomas Barrow. It was like the name was seared into him. 

Their first meeting was flashes between blackness. Suddenly, this man had just been there. With sharp gray eyes and sharper cheekbones. He’d almost reached and petted his face. Jimmy felt his face heat at the thought. He didn’t do that, he never did that, he ignored that. The urge to touch men. But damn he’d wanted to in that brief flash of moment.

He remembered being told his name. It sounded important. Which made little sense, Jimmy thought. Names were important. But Thomas was? He didn’t know this guy but suddenly he was Jimmy’s center of gravity. He was sure that might have tipped over if hadn’t been looking at Thomas Barrows face. 

Another flash and he recalls watching his money flutter to the ground. He frowns then and tries to check his pockets but his hand won’t leave the wall and he realizes his other has wrapped around Thomas’s waist too. “Money?” 

“Don’t worry, I shoved everything you dropped into your wallet.”

“Grope me when you put it back in my pocket?” Jimmy heard himself and he was trying to tell himself he wasn’t fine with that. He wasn’t fine with that at all. 

“No,” Thomas laughed. “I have it in my back pocket.”

Jimmy fought the urge to lower his hand and check. Not that his limbs seemed to be listening to his directives. The door to the elevator swung open and he tried to move his legs but Thomas was doing all the work. Guilt rushed through him. He’d gotten bombed — again — only this time instead of waking up in some strangers bed this man was helping him. 

Thomas. 

Jimmy glanced at him again, at his profile. He was gorgeous, Jimmy wouldn’t argue with himself over that. Thomas was that and there was no other argument to make. He was pale but his hair was black, Jimmy saw dark stubble against his jawline and it just seemed to make his cheekbones stand out more. So sharp and high. 

A flash of memory, fuzzy around the images of Thomas face floating in front of him. His eyes wide, staring and he’d licked his lips. Red and full and pretty lips. Jimmy almost surged forward and kissed him. In fact he felt like he had, but Thomas said nothing happened — granted he’d couched his question as asking if Thomas made a move on him. 

He had wanted too. Jimmy picked up that much. He’s not sure how though, but all the flashes were of sharp gray eyes opened wide and blatantly staring at him. And Thomas hadn’t stopped that, Jimmy glanced again and caught him looking. He was still blatantly staring and Jimmy found himself grinning right back. 

“Here we are,” Thomas pushed him against a car. Jimmy leaned his weight on it and tried to take a look to see it. It was black and sleek, that was all he could tell from where he was. Thomas opened the passenger door and Jimmy stared at the seat. He stumbled forward and Thomas grabbed his shoulder and gently guided him down. 

“I feel like a fool,” Jimmy mumbled. 

“Maybe drink less?”

“Given your job shouldn’t you be saying drink more?”

Thomas laughed. It was a nice sound. He looked toward him again but all he saw was the door slamming shut. That wasn’t a nice sound, it went through his head and he realized his hangover was already starting. The driver side door opened up and Jimmy looked to the right and met Thomas eyes. He was fuzzy again though, seemed to be floating before him some sort of dream. 

“I know you,” Jimmy thought not realizing he said it out loud. 

Thomas stared right at him again before clearing his throat and turning his attention to starting the car. Jimmy lurched with the car as Thomas pulled out of his parking spot. 

“Do not throw up in my car,” came a sharp order.

“Do me best,” Jimmy said and gripped the hand of the door. “Just dizzy really.”

“Did I threaten to punch you?” Another flash came to him but he was sure it wasn’t Thomas. But he remembers really wanting another drink and some guy wouldn’t let him. “Who was that Irish asshole?”

Thomas laughed a deep hearty chuckle. “Tom Branson, he was bartender on duty. He has that affect on people, though you were rather belligerent when I showed up.”

“You aren’t a bartender?” Jimmy blinked. No way he was bartender.

“I manage the club.”

“Really? The whole thing?”

“Yes.”

“So, like Sally she pays you?”

“Edith. Though she’s offered me money to sleep with her.”

“Sally or Edith?” Jimmy blinked, everything was going foggy.

“Sally,” Thomas chuckled again and Jimmy wanted to make that happen more. 

“Does she know you’re gay?”

“She knows.”

“She has no shame, her… she’s… been educational.” Jimmy felt his face heat up. 

“She’s old enough to be your mother…” Thomas inhaled deeply. “Sorry. But you said that yourself.”

Why was he looking guilty? Oh, yeah he’d mentioned his mother dying? Why had he done that? To a stranger. “Tis fine… I know… she, uh, does favors.”

“I know.”

“She bought me a piano… Couldn’t bring myself to turn it down, though don’t let her do everything she wants. I think I’m a favorite but…” Jimmy trailed off, his relationship with Anstruther made him uncomfortable but he didn’t owe Thomas an explanation. 

“I say use her for all you can get before she gets bored.”

“Bored. Of me?” Jimmy laughed and gave Thomas a smug grin. “You know I’m irresistible.”

“I might have an idea,” Thomas muttered but he focused on the road. Jimmy swallowed back the urge to tell Thomas to look at him. 

“You’ve got a boyfriend?”

“Yes, though don’t often refer to him as that.”

“Why not?”

“It’s complicated.”

“I wish I had a girl…” _yes girl, just a girl_. I mean Ivy wants me but she’s me friend and in the band. Seems like a bad idea.” 

“How many of you in this band?”

“Four of us.”

“In that flat?” Thomas shook his head. “Sybil and I feel crowded enough. Why I need to talk to Philip…never mind.”

“Sybil?”

“My roommate. She’s pre-med at university.” 

“Wow. She must be smart.”

“She is.”

“Philip, that’s his name.”

“Yes.”

“What was the other guys name, the one in the photograph,” Jimmy asked, he wanted to keep talking, though the blurriness was getting worse and worse. But he had to stay awake, he wanted to keep looking at Thomas. 

Thomas was quiet.

“I won’t tell if it’s a secret.”

Thomas chuckled but it wasn’t real, it was uncomfortable. “I don’t talk about him.”

“Why?”

“I just don’t…but his name was Edward.”

“That’s nice…” Jimmy muttered and everything went black. 

~~~

“Jimmy? Jimmy?” Thomas slapped his face as hard as he dared. It was no use. He was passed out and he wasn’t waking up. Thomas looked at his car and then up at the building. Sighing he pulled out his phone. This was going to go over really well, he thought. He pressed Philip’s number. 

“Thomas?” Philip answered after the fifth ring. “Don’t tell me you’re still at work.”

“No. I need you to come out to the parking lot.”

“How did you know I’m here?”

“I spoke with Sybil,” Thomas said and noted that Philip at least didn’t expect him to expect him. 

“What do you need?”

“Come out to the parking lot, will you?”

“Why?”

“It’ll be easier to explain when you come out.” Thomas looked down at Jimmy and found himself smiling. He was gorgeous and it kept stirring things within him. 

“Fine.” Philip hung up. 

Thomas bent down and shook Jimmy again. His eyes falling to the lock of hair on his forehead. It was golden blonde. Gold, seemed to fit Jimmy. Bright like the sun, he was hard to look at. Thomas was certain he’d never found another man more handsome or beautiful. 

And Edward had been beautiful. He shook his head. His thoughts were all over the place. He felt very thrown off by everything that happened since he walked over and set eyes on Jimmy Kent. 

Something had happened. 

“Thomas, did you bring us home a sex toy?” 

Philip’s voice startled him and he stood up and glared. “No.”

“Really, cause he is down right edible.”

“Don’t be offensive,” Thomas snapped. 

Philip rose his hands in the air. “What is this, then?”

“He got drunk at the club.”

“So you brought him home?”

“No. I was taking down his address to call the lift for him but he gave this address. Flat next to mine. So I thought I save the nightclub money.”

“Always so pragmatic, but come on… you’re enjoy this. Look at him.”

Thomas wanted to tell Philip to stop looking at him. “Just help me get him to his flat.”

“Really?”

“I didn’t ask you out there to stare at him.”

“Why should only _you_ get too,” Philip snapped and Thomas felt taken aback. There was no way Philip was jealous? Was there? 

“Stop being a bastard and help me,” Thomas said and he leaned into the car and started pulling Jimmy out. He was dead weight, Thomas hoped he’d wake up enough to help them. 

Philip edged in and got on Jimmy’s other side. “You had to pick a solidly built drunk to rescue…. I suppose though if you’re going to play good samaritan at least it’s obvious why.”

Thomas ignored him and just guided the two of them toward the building. Philip moved with him, his arm around Jimmy’s waist, over Thomas’s arm. He started laughing. 

“Philip,” Thomas warned. 

“It’s just funny, it’s like you brought home sleeping beauty. Don’t pretend you’re not attracted to him. It’s rather amusing really.”

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t really know you went for this type, Thomas.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Younger. Hard partier.”

“He’s not a partier,” Thomas snapped. 

“Then why is he so drunk?”

“I don’t know, Anstruther often drives them to drink.”

Philip stopped walking and nearly dropped Jimmy due to laughing. “He’s one of Anstruther’s toys — and you lectured me.”

Thomas glared at Philip over Jimmy’s head. 

“All right, all right… Don’t murder me.” 

“Stop being a first rate bastard then will you.”

Philip rolled his eyes dramatically at Thomas and heaved Jimmy in to him as he went to open the door. Thomas staggered at the unexpected weight. “Fuck, Philip!” 

“Jimmy…” Jimmy slurred.

Thomas grabbed onto him and somehow kept his balance as Jimmy seemed to slowly come too. “I know.”

Jimmy blinked at him. 

“You here?”

“Maybe.”

“Oh, it speaks. Come on get him through the door before he goes comatose again.” 

Jimmy turned and looked at Philip. Thomas tightened his hold around his waist and urged him to step forward. 

“Who is he?” 

“This is Philip.”

“He’s Philip?” Jimmy asked and looked at Thomas his expression shocked. “I expected him to be hotter.”

Thomas bit his bottom lip so he wouldn’t laugh.

“Did he just insult me?” 

“Well, look at you and look at him?” Jimmy mumbled. 

Thomas tried not feel flattered, not at Philip’s expense but he couldn’t stop it from happening. He grinned and shook his head. 

“Amused are you?”

“You’re one to talk,” Thomas snapped at him. 

“I thought you said he one of Anstruther’s,” Philip accused.

“He is.”

“Thought she had a strict policy her pretty boys were only into —“

“Philip,” Thomas hissed cutting him off. 

“What, if he’s gay no wonder he got drunk.”

“He’s not gay.”

“That sounded gay.”

“Just shut up and let’s get him down the bloody hall.”

“You got him,” Philip said.

Thomas did have him but barely. “I could use some help.”

“No, I’m done with it,” Philip announced and started walking away. 

“Philip get back here.”

“Should make him crawl his way back up,” Philip spat. “He insulted me.”

“It meant nothing,” Thomas rolled his eyes. 

“I don’t get why you’re helping him anyway. It can’t be just cause he’s reasonably pretty.”

Thomas glared at Philip. 

“You aren’t nice without reason Thomas. What do you want from him.”

“Nothing,” Thomas snapped. “Nothing. Fine, I’ll get him down the hall myself.”

“Nothing. Sorry I don’t buy that. Not from you, you’re a right bastard.”

“Takes one to know one, Philip.”

“Then come on, what is it… cause I know you wouldn’t cheat on me. Not again.”

Thomas nearly dropped Jimmy in shock. “When the fuck did I ever do the cheating?”

“Come on… you know who.”

“Don’t. DON’T.” Thomas snapped. 

“Oh, I mean it.” Philip opened the door Thomas’ flat. 

“Philip,” Thomas stopped moving, his chest was heaving. 

“Edward Courtenay, that ridiculous emotional fuck up…”

Thomas started to move forward, a fist forming but he never got the chance because Jimmy suddenly lunged forward and slammed Philip, rather clumsily against the wall. “Shut the fuck up about him! YOU don’t get to talk about him!”

Philip easily slammed Jimmy off him. Thomas rush forward to try to stop Jimmy from falling on the floor. “What the fuck was that?”

“You being a grade A bastard,” Jimmy shouted back. 

“It’s fine,” Thomas said through gritted teeth. 

“No, it’s not,” Jimmy said.

Thomas jumped as he heard a door slam. He shook his head at Jimmy. “Come on, let me get you home.”

“What do you see him?” Jimmy muttered. 

“He has some good points.”

“Can’t be many.”

Thomas stayed quiet and focused on pulling Jimmy to his feet. Neither of them said anything until he got Jimmy to his door. He then pulled Jimmy’s keys and wallet from his pocket. He held them out. 

“Could you…” Jimmy motioned at the doorknob. 

“Of course.” Thomas stuck the key in and unlocked it. “Here you are, home.”

Jimmy stared at him for a long moment. Then he looked away and nodded. “Yeah, thanks, Thomas.”

“It was nothing.”

Jimmy glanced at him again and shook his head. Then he stumbled into his flat and the door closed. Thomas stared at it and wondered when — if — they’d run into each other again. He hoped. He really hoped.


	5. Chapter 5

Thomas stood in front of Jimmy’s door far longer than was necessary. The best part of his day was behind that door. The best part of his day wouldn’t remember him in all likelihood when he woke up with a killer hangover. The worst part of his day was waiting for him in his home. Thomas sighed and ran his hand over his face and tried to take in a few steadying breath. But it was pointless. He was never going to feel ready to face Philip. Not after all of that. Not after what he said…

Hurt laced through Thomas at Philip’s words. Words Philip knew would cut him. Philip knew it and he said it to cause maximum damage. It was his way but he’d never cut into Thomas quite so deeply before. Edward wasn’t supposed to be mentioned. It was a silent deal Thomas had with everyone. Sybil, Philip. Both of them broke it in the same twenty-four hour period. He wasn’t mad at Sybil. He heart was always in the right place. He was mad at Philip. If he had a heart, it was never in the right place. 

It was a day to bring up Edward he supposed. Jimmy had too, innocent drunk questions at first but he seemed to understand why Thomas hadn’t been willing to speak much about him. He offered up his own grief. And he listened to Thomas wish to not speak about him because he’d slammed Philip against a wall for bring Edward up.

He wasn’t sure he processed that because it was bizarre really. A stranger had slammed his boyfriend against a wall over something he didn’t really know about or understand. A stranger understood how important Edward was to him and his boyfriend had used him as weapon?

Why? Philip seemed jealous before it happened. Bringing up their history of cheating — his history of cheating. Thomas yawned. He was exhausted and all he wanted to do was sleep. He stepped toward the door to his flat and wondered if Philip would let him just walk in and go to bed.  
“Sybil,” he muttered. He promised her he would talk to Philip about all the time he was spending with them and about all the things he was bringing over because of it. 

Thomas opened the door and walked in. Philip was sitting in recliner, watching something on the television. Thomas didn’t spare it a glance as he walked up to it and turned it off. He stood in front of it and looked at Philip. 

Philip met his gaze. His brown eyes unreadable and his expression haughty. Thomas matched it and stepped forward. He ended up just shaking his head at him and letting out along breath. 

“I’m jealous… I admit it. He’s young, he’s edible. You’re taken with him…”

Thomas rolled his eyes. 

“I was a bastard. I know it.”

Thomas nodded. 

“What is though, Thomas…” he stood up and walked into Thomas space. “That made him attack me? It was like he knew about Edward? That’s interesting to me because no one is allowed to speak about _Edward_.”

“He came up.”

“He came up?” Philip mocked.

“Forget that…” Thomas snapped, realizing that he never wanted Philip to know he had Edward’s photograph on his desk at work. His dead love and not his current… boyfriend.  
“Forget that? Really? That Edward came up?”

“You brought him up, Philip,” Thomas shoved him. “You said that to hurt me.”

“Yeah, I did it… plus it’s true.”

“What?”

“You cheated on me with him.”

“That’s not true, you were long gone…”

“No, I wasn’t… not really. I was there the day Sybil brought him up to you.”

Thomas laughed. “You make it sound like she presented him to me.”

“Didn’t she? She’s never liked me.”

“I don’t blame her,” Thomas spat out. 

“You looked Edward like you looked at that boy out there.”

“What?”

“I know…” Philip looked away from him. “You never look at me like that.”

“What?” Thomas stared. 

“Is it so shocking to think I have a heart.”

Thomas stared at him. 

Philip stepped closer. “I always come back to you.”

Thomas closed his eyes. 

“Every time, Thomas.” He put his palm on his cheek. “He took you away.”

“Jimmy?” Thomas whispered eyes opening confused. 

“Edward,” Philip spat. “I came back and you were gone. He had you.”

“I didn’t see the entire year that Edward and I…”

“You don’t even remember. I came to the door…”

Thomas blinked at him and suddenly remembered. Philip at his door, drunk in the middle of the night. Edward been over and they’d been talking. Talking the way they did, all night about things Thomas would have never thought to speak about. Edward spoke in poems half the time. “I told you go home and sleep it off.”

“You always invited me.”

Thomas sighed. 

“After he was gone, you invited back in…” Philip’s hand slid behind his neck. “That kid.. That boy…”

“Jimmy.”

“I didn’t like that look.”

Thomas laughed. “Jealous, Philip? Really?” he couldn’t believe it. 

“Again, you wound me. You’re mine.”

“Am I?”

“I promised didn’t I? No more.”

“There are other issues…”

“Fuck that…Thomas. I want to know how that kid knew about Edward?”

“Oh, fuck you, Philip. This isn’t about Jimmy or Edward. It’s about you not getting what you want when you want it.”

“I’m sorry?”

“You heard me. Why does me answering some drunk _kid’s_ questions even bother you? Was it him insulting you? Or that I dared to think he was attractive?”

“Don’t act like you playing Mr. Nice Guy isn’t strange, Thomas”

“I was saving the club money.”

“He hit me.”

“He pushed you against a wall, you shoved him off easily enough.”

“And you ran to catch him.”

“This sudden ability to be jealous over me is hard to believe.”

“I just admitted to you…”

“That what? You were pissed I didn’t forgive you fast enough cause I met someone else?”

“Yes.”

Thomas huffed. “You aren’t jealous. You’re just mad you weren’t center of attention.”

“Your mine.”

“When that suits you.”

“No. Always, Thomas. Why do you think I’m hiding here…” Philip sighed and turned around. 

Thomas blinked. “What?”

“I know you’ve noticed.”

“That you’re here all the time. Yes. That you have more clothes here than I have at work? Yes.”

“Well, I do like to have my options open,” Philip turned to look at him. “Father is pressuring me to marry to someone.”

“As always.”

“Father has moved her into the house.”

“He what?”

“I’m looking for a flat but he caught wind of that and has cut me off.”

“He cut you off?”

“He wants this marriage to happen. I do not. I cannot stand this women. She’s simpering and stupid. If I must marry a woman, I rather someone with a brain. Mary Crawley for instance. I half a mind to start wooing her immediately.”

“Right, so you do still plan to marry. A woman.”

Philip sighed. “Cannot we not have THAT argument on top of everything. I don’t know how to get to stop pushing Gladys on me.”

“Gladys?”

“She looks like one too, Thomas.”

“Tell him you’re living with me. He’ll give you access back to your bank accounts.” He said it with little thought, it was the best way for Philip to handle the situation and he was quite amazed Philip hadn’t thought about it himself. 

“I rather not.”

“Why not… it’s practical. He wants you to have nothing to do with me.”

“That’s the thing. He doesn’t know we’re back together. I’ve kept it from him so far.”

“We’ve been back together almost a year.”

“He barely pays attention to me anymore. Except to push the idea of marrying. I met him today to try to get him to shut up about it.. I mean I’m still young, there is plenty of time for me marry someone of decent standing and pop out some kids. Nad honestly they need to have a brain, if I am to wed them.”

Thomas clenched his jaw.

“Thomas… I don’t plan to leave you.”

“I know what you plan and…”

“It’s forever away, why fight about it now.”

“I’m getting headache. You’re going to tell your father, you are living here. And if you don’t I’ll call the tabloids myself and have them in the parking lot to catch you leaving…. Then you will move you and your stuff out of here because Sybil wants you gone.”

“And you?”

Thomas sighed. 

Philip hand was on his face again. “Is the idea of living with me so bad?”

“Of course not… it didn’t bother me.” It wasn’t a lie but Thomas knew it was more complicated than that. Everything with Philip was complicated. “What bothers me is being reminded you expect me to fine with you marrying someone else.”

“It wouldn’t be love, Thomas… And let’s not forget you like the perks be being the heir to a duke provides.”

Thomas pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“I don’t like seeing you drool over other men.”

Thomas looked up again and felt shock. It didn’t track. “You’ve seen me look at plenty of men.”

“Not the way you looked at that boy tonight. No, that was different. I didn’t like it.”

Thomas shook his head. “It’s hard to believe, Philip but fine… I’m tired. Exhausted really. I’m going to bed.”

“I’ll come too,” Philip said.

Thomas sighed. 

“I don’t want to fuck, Thomas.”

Relief washed over him. The two of them walked into his room. Philip stripped down to his underwear with little preamble and crawled into the bed. Thomas watched him, too many thoughts on his mind to pinpoint one. He felt drained. He wasn’t mad anymore, maybe, he wasn’t happy with Philip. But he didn’t hate him. He understood Philip’s problems with his father. To a point. He understood Philip’s ambition for the title. Philip wasn’t wrong that Thomas had ambitions related to it. He’d first gone after Philip for two reasons. He was attractive and he was the heir to a Dukedom. Thomas wanted to taste the power and he Philip were suited. 

He believed Philip when he said he was jealous of Jimmy. Despite Philip never showing signs of jealousy in the past — with one exception. Thomas remembered it better now. The first three months he knew Edward he was with Philip. Philip hated Edward. Thomas always thought it was two very different personalities clashing. Was it jealousy? Thomas snorted as he thought about it, that was rich giving Philip been cheating on him at the time. 

Thomas pulled off his clothes, turned out the light and crawled into the bed. He paused as he settled. Philip’s back to him, he sighed and wrapped his arms around him. Philip moved into the touch with practiced ease. Neither of them spoke. Thomas closed his eyes but he couldn’t sleep, but he felt Philip drift off beside him and envied him the ability turn off his mind.

Thomas’ mind drifted to Edward. He’d been brought up so often in one day. It was odd to think of him so often when he usually spend energy to not think about him. It hurt to much. The loss of him. The only time it felt okay to mention him had been with Jimmy. 

Jimmy shot to the front of his mind with that one thought. His beauty was blinding in memory and Thomas shook his head. He was exaggerating it, he must be? But no, he was beautiful. He laughed beautifully too. His voice was honey and he’d been funny. They’d talked. They’d joked. He’d defended Thomas when Philip brought up Edward.

It hadn’t shocked Thomas. Jimmy shoving Philip. It was like he knew Jimmy would do that for him. Everything about Jimmy felt… known. Jimmy kept asking him that too? Do I know you? Have we met? But they hadn’t? Until today? Right?

Thomas drifted off wondering if he’d ever felt so known by a stranger before.


	6. Chapter 6

Jimmy shut off the shower and grabbed a towel. It was pink and fluffy, and probably Ivy’s but that just meant he wouldn’t get yelled at for using. He wrapped it around his waist and rubbed the fog off of the bathroom mirror. He ran a hand over his face and stared at himself for a moment. He was tired, his head ached from the night before. He’d drunk too much. Again. He idly wondered if he stop but he knew he wouldn’t. Why bother? He thought. 

He started going through the drawers in the bathroom. It was the one in his bedroom — where he shared with Alfred. Alfred was the last person he wanted to live with but he hadn’t much of a choice. He could take some things from Sally Anstruther but letting her put him up in a hotel or something had been a line to far. For whatever reason, he didn’t understand his motives. If he did he probably wouldn’t be sleeping with a woman who was older than his mother —

Or would be if his mom was still around. 

He slammed the cupboard door under the sink closed in frustration. Alfred had no painkillers but over abundance of toothbrushes. Fat lot of good that was going to Jimmy. He stepped out of the bathroom and into the bedroom when he heard pounding on the door. Frustration soared through him, he was the only one home and so he walked down the hall and to the door. Not at all remembering he was in nothing but a towel. 

A large overweight man stood in the door and he did a bit of a odd double take at Jimmy and then stared uncomfortably over his shoulder. Jimmy looked down and saw his chest and smirked. Oops. 

“Tufton furniture movers… got a baby grand piano for a Jimmy Kent?”

That was fast, Jimmy thought. He’d only agreed to this last night. Guess that meant she wasn’t mad at him for ditching her sometime afterward. He thought about why he fled and felt himself flush in embarrassment. 

“Yeah, that’s me,” he said. 

The man gave him a clipboard. “Going bring it up then,”

“Yeah,” Jimmy said as he signed the paper, reading that payment had already been made in full. Guilt and uncertainty nagged at him. Should he send it back? Was this really right. But he looked up for the guy and he was gone. To get the piano. “Right then…” 

He looked around the living room. It was mismatch of furniture, guitars and Alfred’s drum set. He decided on the wall facing their-so-called backyard, and walked over to shove boxes out of the way before — again — remembering that he was in a towel. Sighing in frustration he hurried back into the bedroom and pulled on jeans he’d been wearing last night. They black and tight and he’d worn them for a reason. The rest of his damn clothes were in suitcases or boxes, so it was really all he could put on anyway. 

He walked back out and started to move boxes. Daisy names was stamped on all of them, so he moved them carefully — unlike if they’d been Alfred’s or even Ivy’s. Alfred deserved and Ivy would forgive him if he screwed up something. Daisy might murder him if he broke something, so he was careful. 

The man from Tufton came back with a few other guys and they had the piano. A beautiful, oak, baby grand piano. It was beautiful and expensive — he knew it was and he’d told her not to spend too much. It was a just piano. He told himself it was just a piano but it possibly the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. 

And it was his. He pointed to where he wanted it and felt vindicated that it fit against that wall perfectly. Another man put the piano bench in front it and Tufton faced him. “Well, good day then.”

“Good day,” Jimmy said and he slid on the piano bench. He opened the piano and looked at the keys. He played the scale and each note was perfect. Perfectly in tune and it was amazing. This was his. His piano. His. He started to play. Whatever came into his head, he just kept playing. Song after song. He lost track of time and he forgot his head hurt. 

“Excuse me? Hello?” 

Jimmy startled and turned to see one of the most stunning women he’d ever seen standing in his doorway. She had brown hair and big brown eyes and he thought for a minute she looked more like an actress than a person. He shook himself and gave her his most charming grin. “Hello.”

Her smile grew. “You left your door open.”

“I was distracted by my piano…” he turned back to it and stared, he hit a few keys. “It’s new. Never had me own piano.”

“You play wonderfully, I got quite entranced.”

Jimmy felt his cheeks redden a bit and her turned back to her. “And your name, lovely?”

She smiled and shook her head and Jimmy saw instantly his charms weren't going to work on this one. Too bad she was stunning. “Sybil Crawley.”

“Jimmy Kent,” he stood up. 

“Lovely to meet you.”

“Do you live here?”

“Oh.” She rolled her eyes. “I do.”

“Hope you’re up to getting used to the piano.”

“And drums?” She stepped into the apartment a bit.

“Me and my roommates are a band.”

“Really? What kind of music?”

“Anything really? I’m working on a few original songs.”

“That’s amazing,” she smiled. 

“I try,” he winked.

Sybil shook her head at him again. 

“No?” he said.

“No…. But you are very lovely to look at.” She stared pointedly at his chest. 

Jimmy laughed. “I didn’t distract you from something?” 

“No. I’m using you as an excuse if I must be honest. Befriend the new neighbor, hopefully wait long enough for the.. For the… well the Arsehole in my apartment to leave.” 

“Arsehole? He isn’t like your boyfriend is he?”

“No. Thank all that is good,” she said. “But he is my roommates boyfriend. I was really hoping Thomas would kick him out over night. But I saw his BMW in the parking lot.”

“Thomas? Tall, cheekbones?” 

Sybil nodded.

“Yeah… he brought me home last night.”

“Did he?” Her face lit up. 

“What? No, no, not that…” Jimmy argued quickly, he felt out of breath. It wasn’t that way… Even if he was gorgeous. No. It’d been good and nice.

“Oh,” she said and her disappointment was loud.

“Uh…”

“Oh, I’m sorry it’s just… you are his type and maybe if he was with someone _actually_ charming he’d toss Philip.”

“Wait…” Jimmy felt anger flare up in his chest. He remembered it from last night, when he’d lunged for the guy. But all he’d managed to do was knock him into a wall before ending up on his ass. “That dick is who you're avoiding?”

“Um, yes.”

“Guy needs fist up his nose. You wouldn’t believe the shit he was tossing at Thomas last night.”

“Um… Do you know Thomas?” 

“What? No. We met last night, if that’s what you mean? I was drunk, at Betwixt…” Jimmy realized his head still hurt as he fought to grasp more memories. “I’m surprised I remember so much, to be honest. He found out I lived here and decided to bring me home. I think it was to save money.”

“That does sound like Thomas,” she said but she staring at him oddly. “What about Philip.”

“Well, DICK, he was being a right arsehole but then he mentioned Edward and… well I tried to break his nose. But I was too drunk to do anything. He’s a right bastard he is.”

“Edward?” she breathed out. 

Jimmy nodded. 

“But…how do you know about Edward?”

“I don’t, not really. Just saw his picture and asked about him. It was clear Thomas didn’t want to talk about him. So, just when Dick brought him up to be even more of an arse… Thomas looked. Yeah, I tried to punch him.”

Sybil stared at him.

Jimmy suddenly felt very self-conscious as he met her brown eyes. 

She suddenly flew towards him, wrapping her arms around him and cling onto him. “Thank you, thank you,” she said as she hugged him tighter than he’d been hugged since the last time his mother held him. 

Emotion caught in his throat and he couldn’t speak for a long time. Instead he let her hug him until she stepped back, her cheeks bright. She looked at him. “It’s just… not many people try to protect Thomas, I…” 

“Why not?”

Sybil shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. I guess, I’m going to have to go deal with Philip.”

“I could come with you?” Jimmy offered. 

Sybil laughed. “No, that’s okay. But as soon as we can, Thomas and I will have you and your friends over.”

“I’m the best one,” Jimmy said.

“I’m sure you are. Thank you, Jimmy. Go back to your piano.”

Jimmy looked at the piano and blinked. It really was there and it was all his. He stepped over to it and forgot about Sybil, he didn’t hear the door close as she stepped out of the apartment. He started playing another song, the one that been playing at the club when he met Thomas. Remembering staring at him because he was beautiful. He remembered worried he might have touched him but Thomas had said he hadn’t…Was probably a close thing, he quietly admitted before he lost himself in the music. 

~~~  
Thomas walked into this apartment at 3 am and was surprised to find Sybil sleeping on the couch. The television was on but the sound was off. He blinked for a bit because he could hear music. But it definitely wasn’t coming from the television. He looked around and didn’t see Sybil’s Ipod. He thought he might recognize the song but he couldn’t place it. 

He grabbed a blanket that was on a chair and went to cover Sybil with it, when her eyes blinked up open and she sat up. She stared at him sleepily and then smiled. “Hi, Thomas.”

“Hey,” he said and wrapped the blanket over her shoulders. “You should be in bed.”

“I was going too but the music lulled me to sleep. I think. He’s so good.”

“Who?”

“Oh, you know who,” she said with one of her cheekier grins.

“What are you on about, Sybil?”

“Jimmy Kent.”

“How, how…” he stammered and she was grinning at him, it looked feral. Sybil Crawley had fresh meat. 

“Oh, I met him this afternoon. Scheduled changes so I came home to crash. And I get off the elevator and I’m distracted by this amazing instrumental of Poker Face and follow it to an open door. And this gorgeous blonde is sitting at a baby grand, in nothing but jeans playing.”

Thomas licked his lips.

“Seen him without a shirt?”

“No. NO. Sybil…”

“He doesn’t like Philip much.”

Thomas sighed.

“He was here by the way.”

“What? He and Jimmy didn’t…”

“No he and Jimmy didn’t get into another fight. I do think, sober Jimmy could take him.”

“Who told you?”

“Jimmy.”

“He remembered?”

“He was surprised too… He’s very charming.”

Thomas shook his head. “He’s not…”

“Are you sure?”

“He flirted with you didn’t he?”

“For a bit, told him I wasn’t interested.”

Thomas stared at her his mouth agape.

“He’s not my type.”

Thomas made a noise.

“I like him.”

“He’s likeable,” Thomas said and sat down next to Sybil. The music returning to the forefront of his senses. “This him?”

“He’s been playing off and on all day. I meant to mute my show for a minute. He started playing something haunting I didn’t recognize and wanted to listen. I think it lulled me to sleep. I don’t recognize this either.”

“It’s Chopin.”

“Really? He didn’t strike me as the classical type.”

Thomas nodded and let himself melt into the couch he was tired.

“What happened with Philip?”

“You said he was still here?” Thomas asked her.

“Okay, I’ll let you avoid for a moment. Yes, he was packing though. Told me to tell you he told his father.”

Thomas pressed his lips together and nodded. “Good.”

“What was it? Why was he here?”

“His father has someone staying with him, he wants Philip to marry her. Thought if he made Philip live with her, he couldn’t avoid it.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Anyway, he was cutting Philip off… hence him being here and not at a hotel. So I told him to tell his father he was living with me, so he could get his money back.”

“Bet that worked.”

“Clearly.”

“You didn’t by chance break up with him?” 

He looked at Sybil and her hopeful face. He turned away.

“Thomas.”

“What?”

“What did he say last night?”

“What do you mean?”

“Jimmy mentioned Edward.”

Thomas pressed his lips together harder. “He was jealous of Jimmy.”

“What?”

“What, I’m not worth getting jealous over?” Thomas snapped at her.

“Don’t be a jerk to me, Thomas Barrow,” she snapped. “When has Philip ever shown jealousy.”

“Over Edward,” Thomas said, his voice dropping on the name. It came out a near whisper. “He never liked him, you know. And there was…overlap.”

“Barely. And you and Edward…”

“I don’t… I don’t want to talk about him.”

“Philip respect that? Him? You?”

Thomas just looked at Sybil.

“Jimmy thinks he deserves a broken nose.”

Thomas laughed.

“You should go see him.”

“What?”

“Jimmy. Obviously, he’s up.”

Music filtered through the air. 

“That’s really him?” Thomas asked again. “Thought it was the radio.”

“He’s good,” Sybil leaned over and pressed her lips to his cheek. “Go see him.”

Thomas didn’t respond. He watched her walk down the hallway and leaned further into the couch. The music sliding over him, he realized that he knew the song playing, he just couldn’t place it. He heard it at the club, only it was louder there, in a dance mix and not simple piano keys. 

Sybil’s urgings propelled him to his feet and he walked out of his own apartment and to the door of the next. He knocked on the door. He heard a muffled voice. 

“I told you you’d bring over a neighbor.”

“He’s not bothering anyone, Alfred, stop it.”

“Well, I’ll get the door then,” a female voice barked and the door opened a moment later. Thomas stared down at a plain girl with pretty brown eyes and he looked into the flat. A tall, far too tall red head, who looked he belonged in Harry Potter came walking over. 

“If it’s the music, he’ll stop…” he said.

“It’s not the music,” Thomas said. 

“Thomas?” the music stopped.

Thomas leaned past the tall man. “Hi, Jimmy.”

Jimmy stood up and walked over. He was dressed like Sybil had described, in black jeans, tight black jeans and nothing else. Thomas felt his eyes roam over smooth and golden skin. Muscled and perfect. He shoved his hands in his pockets to stop himself from touching it. 

“This is Alfred, he’s an old man in a tall man’s body. And this is Daisy,” Jimmy motioned to the two by the door. “This is Thomas. He saved my ass last night.”

“He did what?” a redhead appeared, pretty and perky. Thomas hated her. 

“And this is Ivy,” Jimmy sighed. 

“Hi.”

“Hello,” Thomas felt like he’d made a mistake. He’d just wanted to talk with Jimmy. This had been a bad idea, so he brought the guys drunk ass home. Didn’t mean they were friends.

“Let’s um…” Jimmy pressed his hands to Thomas chest and pushed him into the hall and followed Thomas into, closing the door on his friends faces. “Walk with me?” he asked with a smile.

Relief flooded him the second the door closed. Then he met Jimmy’s gaze and playful blue eyes were sparkling at him and it matched the smile on Jimmy face. Thomas found himself nodding and they started walking toward the elevator. In step. Thomas pushed the button. Jimmy walked into as the doors slid open and Thomas moved to stand next to him. They glanced at each other, caught each other gazes and both looked away and down. Small smiles on their faces.


	7. Chapter 7

Thomas was trying his best not to ogle Jimmy. It wasn’t easy. He was flawless. The moon was bright and it made his skin glow. The black jeans he wore were molded to his body and Thomas’ hands felt itchy every time his eyes fell to his ass. He rolled his eyes at himself and looked up at the sky. The stars seemed oddly bright and shoved his hands into his pants pockets. But it was less than a half a minute before he glanced back at Jimmy. Taking in his profile. 

“I should thank you,” Jimmy said, breaking the silence. They hadn’t spoken since leaving the apartment building. Had just started walking, Thomas leading him down the street toward an nearby park.

“For?”

Jimmy laughed. “Last night.”

Thomas shrugged. “Was saving money.”

“Yeah, well, anyway thanks.”

Thomas nodded and looked down at his shoes. Glancing over at Jimmy’s bare feet. He shook his head as he let his gaze move up Jimmy. His bare stomach, his chest and he made himself look away. Again. And you will again, he thought wryly. “It wasn’t much.”

“Maybe…” Jimmy stopped walking. 

Thomas took a few steps before realizing and he looked back at him. “Jimmy?”

“Did I…” Jimmy looked to the ground. “I um… I remember a lot — which is mad given how drunk I was. But um… did I do anything?”  
“Do?” Thomas stared at him. 

Jimmy shook his head. 

“You were quite lucid after you passed out for bit.”

Jimmy laughed. “I remember seeing you and it was like you were just this face floating in front of me. I want too…” he trailed. “Doesn’t matter. Just glad I met you instead of having to back to Sally.”

“Anstruther was unhappy.”

“You spoke to her?”

“She wanted you back. I told her no.”

“She thinks I’m a toy…” he shook his head.

“She has many.”

Jimmy ran his hand through his hair. “I’m the favorite.”

Thomas grinned at the ego of it. “She told you that?”

“Doesn’t have too… she sent me the piano didn’t she.”

“Take the gifts while she’s offering.”

“Everyone else tells me the opposite of that, you know. Alfred acts like I’m committing murder. Daisy thinks I’m taking advantage of her…”

“Other way around more like,” Thomas laughed.

Jimmy stayed silent. 

“What about the other one?” Thomas prompted.

“Who?”

“Redhead, not the tall one.”

“Ivy? I don’t know what Ivy thinks beyond not getting what I see in an old hag.”

“She is quite a hag.”

“She’s not that bad,” Jimmy laughed. “I mean, never thought she’d be my type but…”

“She’s not though, is she?” Thomas asked. 

Jimmy grinned at him but shook his head. “I’ll keep it up, you know until she gets bored.”

“Get as many favors as you can. It’s the smart play. You want to be musician?”

Jimmy’s answering grin dazzled him. “Yeah, yeah. I really, music is what I am, Thomas. I can’t imagine anything else making me happy. My Dad, he doesn’t get it. It’s why the threw me out. Cause I refused to go to college. I mean what do I need it for? Music is everything.”

“Could study music?” Thomas said. “College degrees can help you get through doors.”

“Not much for learning but I did try, you know… told him I’d go if I could study music. But he wanted to be a doctor or accountant….” Jimmy gave him another wide grin. “Can you see that?”

“No,” Thomas said. 

“You always want to work at a nightclub?”

“Don’t want too now. I want to own it. More than one if play my cards right. Could make a pretty penny, be someone.”

“You are someone,” Jimmy said.

The words struck Thomas hard, people never saw him as someone. 

“You’ll do it.. Then you stop seeing that arsehole.”

Thomas blinked.

Jimmy stared at him. 

“What?”

“Oh, come on… that dick? I mean I know who he is Duke of pretentious. I bet he gives you all sorts of short cuts, right? Like me and Sally?”

Thomas opened his mouth, thinking about denying that but the truth was there were perks to dating Philip. Good perks, perks he enjoyed. “It’s not really the same…”

“Don’t tell me you love him?”

“It’s complicated.”

“So, no.” Jimmy turned around and started walking backwards. “I mean, really what do you see in that guy?”

“He’s a bastard,” Thomas said.

“That’s what you like?”

“Loving the fact you’re smug little arsehole,” Thomas said.

“I am irresistible,” he grinned. “But that guy is… what he said about Edward.”

Thomas stopped.

“Sorry, shouldn’t have mentioned him.”

“It’s ok.”

“Really isn’t,” Jimmy turned back around and went to a bench, jumped onto it and sat down on the top of the back of it, feet on the seat. “But it isn’t my business, don’t know why I’m being nosy.” 

Thomas swallowed back the urge to tell Jimmy he could ask him anything. 

“Just feel like I know you,” Jimmy said staring right at him.

Thomas nodded. 

“It’s nice out.”

“Lucky for you,” Thomas said, getting distracted by Jimmy’s skin again. 

“Yeah, it’s gonna be too cold for me to walk about half naked soon… too bad, I like showing off.”

Thomas let himself ogle Jimmy response.

“Have your fill,” Jimmy grinned. “Bet…” he stopped and shook his head. “You don’t show off do you?”

“I do.”

“Really?”

“Do I look sloppy to you?”

Jimmy eyes darted up and down his body, Thomas felt his cheeks instantly heat but he’d asked for it and his chest puffed out a bit under the scrutiny. He took pride at looking good. Jimmy started nodding as he looked him over. 

“You have a point…though…”

“What?”

Jimmy jumped off the bench and was suddenly firmly in his personal space. His hand went into Thomas’ hair and pushing his fingers in and up, messing it up. Thomas felt hair against his forehead, that’d purposely swept back. Jimmy nodded himself please. Then he touched Thomas cheek, the pad as thumb rubbing against the stubble that was there since it’d been nearly 24 hours since Thomas’ shaved. 

“More scruff and…” Jimmy let out a strange laugh. “Well, yeah… you look good.”

Thomas felt his heart pounding and he caught Jimmy’s gaze and saw dark blue staring right back at him. His eyes dipped down and saw Jimmy’s full lips were parted. 

“I mean, you know…” Jimmy stepped back a few steps. “Girls like scruff, so guys…” he stammered. “We should head back…” he took off toward the building. 

Thomas stood where he was, rooted to the spot, confused because that hadn’t felt like a straight man telling him he was good-looking for a man. That felt like Jimmy was attracted to him. Which blew his mind as much as it confused him giving what Jimmy’s told him about himself. 

“Hey?” Jimmy yelled, and Thomas blinked and saw him more than a foot away from him. “I do need to get back, I have job interview in the morning. Not that I want to work, but it is what it is, you know?”

Thomas hurried forward and the minute he was next to Jimmy, the other man started walking. They walked side by side, silent and it wasn’t uncomfortable but Thomas didn’t want to stop talking with him. “Where is this interview?”

“Waiter position. Some fancy restaurant called Carson’s.”

Thomas chuckled. “I used to work there, as a bartender.”

“Really?” Jimmy grinned. “I can use you as reference then?”

Thomas shook his head. “Better not, Carson hated me. I mean I was good worker, his best really, but he hated me. But…” Thomas nodded, she wouldn’t mind. “Use Sybil. The Crawley’s are his favorite and best customers.” 

“Really? She won’t mind?”

“Sybil? No. I’ll tell her.”

“That’d be great. Really great, I need the job. Rather just play music all day but… yeah. So this Carson? He awful?”

“He’s… conservative, snobby and believes in perfect service.”

“Oh, great… maybe I should look elsewhere.”

“Don’t… the patrons tip well. Very well.”

“Yeah?”

“Kiss his ass at the interview. Talk about pristine the restaurant is and how stylish you find the waiter outfit.”

“You mean that penguin suit?”

Thomas laughed. 

“I’ll look good though, right? That’s gotta bring in the tips.”

“It will,” Thomas opened the door for him.

Jimmy brushed past him to walk in and gave him a grin. “Such a gentleman.”

Thomas rolled his eyes. Then there were in the elevator and Jimmy stopped at Thomas’ door with him. Thomas wasn’t sure what to do now, he didn’t want to say goodbye. 

“See ya,” Jimmy said saving him.

“Yes, Jimmy,” he smiled. 

~~~

Jimmy frowned as he exited Carson’s and found a familiar white limousine sitting in front of the restaurant blocking traffic. He was in a good mood, he wanted to keep it. Thomas’ advice had worked perfectly, from what he could tell Sybil Crawley hadn’t been surprised to get a phone call about him and had lied about knowing him very well to the older man. Thomas was right that the guy was snob and a perfectionist. But armed with that knowledge Jimmy had charmed him easily. He was given the job on the spot, he wanted to grab Alfred and go have a damn beer. Instead he was going to have to deal with Sally. 

He took a steeling breath and walked up the limousine and just opened the door and slid inside. Then he was face to face with Sally Anstruther. “How did you know where I was?”

“You told me the other night about your interview,” she reached forward and put his hand on the inside of his thigh. 

“Oh,” he said and he didn’t remember doing that and he cursed his drunk self. 

“Did you get the piano? The movers didn’t harm it, I made sure to get the best.” 

The piano. Jimmy couldn’t stop himself from smiling. He did owe her, he did take it — but how could he not. “It’s amazing, never played an instrument so perfectly in tune…” he exaggerated. “I love it.”

“Good, good,” she slid her hand higher. “Anything for you… you don’t need to take this silly job.”

He moved closer to her, letting her run her hand over him, fondle him. He closed his eyes. He wasn’t going to let her buy completely, just enough, just what he needed. “I need to pay my own way.”

“You hurt my feelings…” she pouted and suddenly she was straddling his lap. “But if you kiss me I’ll feel better.”

He almost laughed in her face but he hid with a grin and kissed her. She attacked him and he couldn’t help but think there was no figurative when people called her a cougar. He wrapped his arms around her and flicked his tongue into her mouth. He’d thank her for the piano, he would because it was more than he dreamed and it was exactly what he wanted. 

~~~

Thomas walked through the VIP room known as Violet’s Wit. There was a private party tonight. Not a simple one, not just one from a favored guest of Betwixt. But a Crawley party. Mary decided to deign her sisters club for her twenty-eight birthday party. That mean everyone who considered themselves anyone in society was going to be drinking pink champagne and eating snooty named canapés.

Which meant Thomas wanted it to be perfect because their would be photographs splashed over all the tabloids and newspapers. He checked tables, he went behind the bar. He grabbed waiters and bartenders alike to fix their ties and tell them to neaten up their hair. 

“Percy, button your damn shirt correctly,” he yelled at one of the waiters. “Branson where the hell is rest of the tequila?”

“Getting it now,” Branson shouted.

“Should’ve already gotten it,” Thomas sniped. “And where is Peter.”

“Haven’t seen him.”

Thomas groaned and headed toward the DJ Booth. He was relieved when he saw Peter behind it, looking over tracks and getting ready. There was a problem though. “You were late.”

“Was I?”

“You’re late if I say you’re late. Where is your suit?”

“In back, gonna change in a minute.”

“No, change now and then set up.”

Peter sighed and got up.

“Tonight needs to be perfect,” he said.

“Like everynight, sir,” Peter said as he past him.

“Wasn’t talking to you,” Thomas sniped. He sighed and started to head for his office. He needed quiet only before he even made it to the door a strong hand arm wrapped around his bicep and he was pulled to a corner of the room. 

He knew it was Philip immediately and he sighed. “Now isn’t the time…”

“You always over worry about these things, you know.”

“I do not. If I don’t make sure…”

“It’s going to run swimmingly. No one will even notice your magic touch in making it perfect.”

Thomas wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or not. 

“I missed you.”

Thomas blinked at him. “We just saw each other.”

“And we fought, I hate fighting with you.”

“Funny, always seem you start them.” 

“Now, that is not true,” Philip pulled him into a corner of the room and into his body. He leaned down and kissed at his neck. “I need some time with you.”

“You let you in.”

“That Irish man.”

Branson fell further down Thomas’s like list. “He shouldn’t have…”

“Oh, please, like he’d say no to me.”

“I doubt he much cares about your title.”

“He cares about his job,” Philip kept kissing his neck and Thomas’ eyes closed as lips found all the right points, Philip pressing down at just the right pressure. He felt Philip smile against his skin, the bastard knew he was getting to him. He moved his hands to push Philip away but instead ended up grabbing at the fabric of his shirt as the other man’s lips landed on his. He gave into it and yanked him closer to him and took control of the kiss. Let himself fall into the pleasure of it for a few lovely moments before pushing Philip away. 

“Not yet,” Philip muttered and tried to push back into the kiss and take back control. 

“Philip, Philip…” Thomas shoved him far enough away to keep him at bay with a hand on his chest. “I’m at work.”

“Like that’s ever stopped us before.”

“I have to make sure everything is perfect.”

“Edith won’t mind one bit if something goes awry on Mary’s day.”

Thomas couldn’t stop the laugh at the truth of that but nonetheless. “I care. It’s my name that will printed.”

“I’ll bribe them to print Edith’s if that’s the case…” Philip started in on his neck again. 

“Philip,” Thomas pushed him away. “Later.”

Philip sighed. “About that…”

Thomas stiffened and he put more distance between them. 

“I’ll have to ignore you tonight.”

“Why is that?”

“I’m Mary’s escort.”

“Right, of course… Woo Mary Crawley to get your father back of…” Thomas said and he hated the rush of possession he felt. “Starts tonight does it?”

“Well, yesterday afternoon… but yes. I know you understnad?”

Thomas shook his head, the truth was he did and the truth was he agreed with the tactic. He’d basically told Philip to do this, more than once and nodded in agreement when Philip mentioned it being a good plan. But it also grated, it grated on Thomas’ nerves that Philip wouldn’t just be who he was — he was gay, he wasn’t bisexual, he was gay but he was willing to lie about it. 

 

“Thomas, don’t stop now… you’re much too pragmatic…”

“I get it,” Thomas said through gritted teeth. “I’m the dirty secret.”

“Thomas, you are far from a secret and you’re only dirty when I wish you to be.”

Thomas rolled his eyes. “The phase then…”

“Not true… you I plan to keep.”

Thomas met Philip’s brown eyes then and Philip grinned. He cupped Thomas’ face and kissed him. “See, now it’s not that bad. Kiss me.”

Thomas stared into his eyes. He saw want, he even saw like in them. He knew Philip meant it. He planned to keep Thomas and somedays that was enough for Thomas. Other times he wasn’t sure he could settle for being kept — even if it wasn’t truly a secret. It was still meant to be hidden. 

“Mary and I will make a beautiful show.. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.”

“What’s in it for her?” Thomas asked instead of saying the million of other things running through his mind.

“Oh, she’s quite bored. Evelyn Napier will do that to a person.”

“He is like wallpaper.” 

“Indeed.”

Thomas moved away from Philip. “I really need to get back to work,” he said his eyes already going back to the floor. “I need to check downstairs too…”

“I think of much better things we could do before opening…”

“No, Philip,” Thomas snapped. 

Philip sighed. “Are we not okay?”

Thomas blinked at him. “What?”

“Is this about the other night?”

Thomas let a frustrated huff. 

“I was out of line,” Philip said, stepping closer. “I’m the one who always messes us up. I really don’t want to do that again…” his hand was on Thomas’ face again. “Please say you forgive me.”

Thomas closed his eyes. He didn’t want think about that argument. Period. He wanted to forget it happened. So, this was his out. He grabbed Philip’s hand and started to kiss his knuckles. He looked right into his eyes as his lips pressed Philip’s skin. “Of course…” he slowly dropped Philip’s hand. “But I still have to get back to work.”

Philip grinned at him and shook his head in bemusement. “Your work ethic is quite admirable.”

Thomas snorted. “Surprised you know the phrase…” he kissed his cheek and walked off before Philip decided to try to stop him again. He walked up the bar again, not because he needed for anything but because he saw Branson stocking the tequila. 

“Don’t let him in without speaking to me, EVER. Understood,” he snapped at the man, then walked off without waiting for an answer. He rolled his shoulders and headed for the elevator. His plan for some quiet in his office was screwed. Now he had to go check that downstairs was running smoothly.


	8. Chapter 8

Jimmy allowed the man at the overpriced boutique Sally dragged him too put a leather jacket on over the black dress shirt that been picked out for him. The jacket was red and it fit him like a glove. He wanted it. He wanted all the clothes she had him try on. They were all perfect fits, he looked amazing and he needed to have the right look. 

Sally came up to him and dragged him closer to her wearing her usual feral grin. “Yes, yes, you look like someone.”

“I better, I am,” he said smugly. 

“Yes, yes,” she put her hands in his hair. “You need a trim, a bit of a style.”

He pushed her hand away. “No, I don’t.”

“I think so,” she said. “It won’t take a minute. Then we’ll have some dinner and go to Betwixt.”

“Betwixt? Again?”

“Mary Crawley is having a private party, and I am not going to miss it. And I want you on my arm… your face.” She pressed her hand to his face. “Yes, yes, we’re going.”

Jimmy sighed and pulled out his cellphone.

“Who are calling?”

“Texting. My roommates. We were going get pizza and watch horror movies.”

“Well, I have rescued you from such a silly thing,” she laughed and hooked her arm with his, dragging him with her across the store. He glances at the registers as they walk right past them. “Don’t be silly, they’ve already charged my account.”

Jimmy tried to open his mouth, at least put in a token protest that he can’t let her pay for a wardrobe but he can’t do it. He knew exactly what was going on, the minute they walked in. From the first pair pants he tried on until the red leather jacket slipped over his shoulders. He glanced to his left and caught his reflection in a mirror. He looked amazing, he does look like someone and isn’t that half the battle at what he’s trying to do. 

“Will there be photographers?” Jimmy asked. 

“Where?”

“At this party?”

“Of course, everyone who is everyone will be there… Now let’s that hair of yours looked at.” Sally climbed into her limousine. Jimmy followed her, telling himself not to feel weird about the guy holding the door open for her. Not to feel like maybe he should be the guy holding the door open. Rockstar, rockstar, he said it again and again in his head. 

His phone went off as he sat down. He saw it was Ivy. Of course it was Ivy. She answered his texts nanoseconds after he sent them out. He should’ve just texted Alfred and not the group of them. He sighed and opened it. 

_But we had this planned all week. You promised to hang out with us this Saturday._

Jimmy rolled his eyes. His fairly sure the word promise never left his mouth. Might have left her mouth and he grinned and nodded. But that didn’t count as promise, that was just shutting her up. He shook himself. Ivy wasn’t all that bad, he liked her and she had a great voice. But he’d never want her the way she wanted him to want her. She wanted a boyfriend that led to husbands and kids. That was never going to happen. They were both only twenty-two for crying out loud. 

_Sally’s taking me this high profile party. This is good. Could make connections._

He leaned back in the seat and Sally’s hand was immediately stroking his thigh. “You done with that phone?” 

His text alert went off. He gave her an apologetic smile and looked at it. It was Alfred this time. He smirked. Alfred and Ivy were probably both in the flat right now. Alfred trying to get her attention like he did everyday and her oblivious to him as always. They were sad. 

_We can make connections on our own._

Jimmy snorted. 

_Don’t be naive._

_I don’t understand?_

Jimmy rolled his eyes at Ivy. Of course she didn’t. 

_Ask Alfred._

_You shouldn’t use her, just because she’s rich._

Jimmy rolled his hips, Sally’s attention telling him just how tight his new jeans were. He glanced at her and she gave him that feral smile of his and he knew which one of them was getting more used. 

_You’re an idiot._

_Don’t call him that. If you want to go out with that old bat, fine._

“Hi, Daisy,” Jimmy muttered with a smirk. 

“Who?” Sally asked.

“My bandmate, roommate. Daisy Mason.”

“Oh, right… is she the poor one who married her highschool sweetheart for him to die shortly after?”

“Something like that,” Jimmy said. 

“Poor girl… she and you are close?”

Jimmy stared at Sally. Was she jealous? That was ridiculous on all a manner of levels. Jimmy thought about Daisy, Ivy and Alfred. He liked them all well enough. No, he did love them all in away. Alfred been his best friend for years despite the fact they have nothing but music in common. And even then they butt heads more than they don’t… Alfred just usually caves into Jimmy’s talent. 

“Daisy’s not my type,” he said.

Sally grinned and then growled as she grabbed his phone, tossed it and then straddled him lap. Again. Always. Jimmy kissed her back, he ran his hand under her clothes and up her back. He gripped onto her the way she liked it. It wasn’t like sex was a chore. 

~~~

Jimmy paused at the first reflective surface he saw once they got off the elevator at Betwixt. It was on a upper level floor, someone like him would usually never dream of being on. Sally walked off of it and right up to someone and started shmoozing with them. He looked old and utterly out of place but Jimmy didn’t really care. What he was worried about was his hair. He walked up to the surface, it wasn’t a mirror but it close enough. 

He didn’t look bad but his hair felt too short. He didn’t mind the way the hairstylist had gelled it up and spiked it a bit so it was less unruly curl but it was short. Too short. He’d have to grow it out, he frowned, his hair grew fast though. He tried to placate himself. 

“Narcissus,” a male voice said in his ear, timbre sending a chill down Jimmy’s spine. He turned away and looked right into Thomas Barrow’s sharp gray eyes. “Thomas,” he breathed. 

Thomas looked him up and down. “You’re dressed up.”

“Like a Ken doll,” Jimmy said feeling embarrassed. Why was he embarrassed he looked amazing. He wanted these clothes, he picked him out. 

“Robert Crawley needs rescuing,” Thomas said after shaking his head and looking away from Jimmy for beat.

“Who?”

Thomas cocked his head. 

Jimmy looked over and saw Sally talking up a storm with the older man from before. She was waving her hands like she did and talking non-stop like she did and the man’s eyes were glazing over. 

“Edith wants her parents to have a good time.”

“So, you’re sending me?” Jimmy smirked. 

“I am.”

“What if I want to stay here?”

“And keep staring at yourself?”

Jimmy sighed and turned back to the reflective surface. “She made me cut my hair…” 

“It’s a bit short but it’s quite trendy.”

“Is it?”

Thomas nodded. 

Jimmy looked Thomas up and down. In his tailored to perfection black suit and classy tie. He looked like he belonged in a fashion magazine but not a trendy one. A classic one, something timeless. “You don’t.”

Thomas chuckled. “I’m not a patron.”

Jimmy nodded and looked over toward Sally and he frowned. “What’s Dick doing here?”

Thomas followed Jimmy’s gaze and turned back to him perplexed. “Who?”

“Dick…your arsehole of boyfriend?”

“Dick?” Thomas started laughing. “Don’t say that in earshot of him. He’s here with the birthday girl.”

“What?”

Thomas shrugged. “It’s complicated but he’s Mary’s date.”

“But I thought he was.. You know?” Jimmy felt himself blush. 

“Gay?”

“Yeah.”

“He is.” Thomas looked back over at him. “And really, you need to get Anstruther out of there. Edith will be pissed if her parents leave before Mary’s cake.”

“Okay, yeah… what should I do.”

“Take her to the bar, tell her the first drinks are on the house. I’ll go tell the bartender.”

Jimmy started to stride over to her but Thomas’ hand circled around his wrist. Jimmy felt something shoot up his arm and his whole body heated up but he somehow managed to just glance back and look at Thomas. “What?”

“Stay hydrated, be careful,” Thomas said his expression soft. 

“No promising to be a good boy, Thomas,” he said with a grin and wink. Thomas shook his head but it was the smile Jimmy focused on. He had a nice smile Jimmy thought and he had tear his eyes off of it. This time as he walked away, Thomas let him go. 

He made his way up to Sally, but his fell on Dick. Dick was looking in his direction but he was looking over Jimmy’s shoulder. Jimmy glanced back and saw Thomas heading toward the bar. He looked back and this time Dick was looking right at him. Jimmy felt a smile tug on his face, he felt a wave of cockiness wash over him. 

He stepped up next to Sally and put an arm around her waist. She grinned at him, wrapped her own arm around him. “This is him, my lovely Jimmy. Jimmy, I want you too meet some very important people. This Robert Crawley the Earl of Grantham. This is his daughter’s nightclub, and his oldest is having her birthday party here tonight. So nice that your daughters are so close…”

Robert Crawley laughed nervously and shook his head. “It’s more Mary knew this is the place to be — as you kids put it.”

“And this Mary’s escort, Philip Sulke the future Duke of Crowborough.”

“It’s nice to see you again, Jimmy.”

“We’ve met?” Jimmy asked. 

“Briefly. You were quite drunk.”

“Was I?” Jimmy shrugged. “I love a good drink or two… which… Sally, I was told our first drinks are on the house tonight. Shall we?” 

“Oh we must,” Sally tightened her grip on him. “It was lovely to catch up Robert, Philip.”

“As always,” Robert said and Jimmy caught him rolling his eyes. Sally was too busy grabbing his ass to notice as they started to walk away. But a hand grabbed Jimmy’s arm and this time nothing but repulsion laced up it. 

“Jimmy, if we could have a moment?” Philip asked. 

“Jimmy?” Sally asked.

“Go ahead and get the drinks, I’ll meet you there,” Jimmy said before turning back to Philip. “What?”

“That is no way to speak to me.”

Jimmy blinked at him. 

“What I mean is…” Philip backtracked. “I think you and I should clear the air.”

“About what?” Jimmy asked.

“Thomas.”

Jimmy felt himself bristle. 

“Last night I behaved poorly.”

“Is that what you call that?”

“Oh, you do remember.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes. 

“I behaved poorly and I intend to make it up to him.”

“By escorting Mary Crawley?”

“That is business.”

“Business?”

“You wouldn’t be able to understand…though,” Philip paused and looked him up and down. “You look quite trendy tonight, well fitted… that jacket alone probably costs a couple thousand at the least.”

Jimmy shrugged. “What’s your point?”

“We all do things to get what we want.” 

“You want Mary Crawley?”

“No I want my what is my rightful inheritance.” 

“And I care?”

“I also want Thomas.”

“And?” Jimmy asked. 

“Don’t cause me problems, Jimmy.”

Jimmy started to feel sweaty. “Why would I cause you problems?”

“You don’t fool me, I saw the way you were looking at him the other night.”

Jimmy shook his head. “I’m not..”

“Spare me your closeted bullshit, Jimmy.”

Panicked rushed through him and he started shaking his head. “It’s not, that’s not…”

“Good. Then it’ll be easy for you stay away from him,” Philip ordered.

It was the tone that cut through Jimmy’s panic and the denials still trying to form on his tongue. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

Jimmy stepped closer to him, he straightened his posture. They were around the same height but Jimmy was pretty sure the pretentious arse had ever been in a fistfight in his life. He closed his fist and as much space as he could stand — the dick repulsed him. “Look, Dick, Thomas is my friend. Fucking deal with it.”

Philip’s expression darkened and he stared press forward to match Jimmy’s antagonistic stance but a pale arm appeared between them. “What is this? What is going on?” a woman asked. 

Jimmy stepped backward and found himself looking at Mary Crawley. He knew who she was, everyone did, she was prettier in person he thought. But not as pretty as her sister. Sybil should be in the news more, he thought idly and wondered why she wasn’t when her sisters always were. He shook his head and brought back to the moment. 

“It’s nothing,” Philip lied. “Jimmy here is with Sally Anstruther.”

“Oh,” Mary raised her eyebrows and looked at Jimmy. Her eyes darting up and down. “Are you even old enough to be in here? Has Barrow been slacking on age requirements?”

“Thomas wouldn’t slack,” Jimmy heard himself say.

“Oh, you know Barrow?”

“Yes,” Jimmy said and shot Philip a look. “I do. In fact he arranged a free drink for me and Sally, I should go and get it.”

“We’ll continue that conversation later,” Philip called after him.

 _Only if my fist breaks your face,_ Jimmy thought as he made his way through the crowd.


	9. Chapter 9

Thomas tried not to scowl. He really did. But every time he caught a glimpse of Philip and Mary he couldn’t stop it. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand their mutual decision to fool the public and therefore their families. It was that he thought them both better than the lie. Or at least Mary was — for all his problems with her. Philip just insisted on living a lie and people bought it because he was, when he wanted to be, effortlessly charming. 

“Thomas.”

His other problem for the night was Edith. She was rarely on the floor of the nightclub. In any capacity. Tonight she was meant to be part of her sisters party and not the owner. She was usually in the back, or hiring musical acts — which she was uncannily good at. For someone who never looked trendy she was astute at keeping up with certain trends. Like music and cocktails. 

He turned from where he was talking with a few of the waiters that were walking the floor with various cocktails. He gave Edith a tight, polite, professional smile. 

“It’s time I think to let the journalists in. My parents don’t wish to stay much longer.”

The paparazzi. Only Edith would refer to them as journalists he thought. He sighed and nodded. He hated this part and tonight he was going to hate it more because of Philip’s ruse with the birthday girl. He nodded at Edith, not wishing to speak to her if he could get away with it and started across the floor. 

“You look too serious,” Jimmy’s voice was in his ear. 

Thomas glanced to his left and Jimmy was side by side with him. Thomas couldn’t stop himself from checking him out. He had to admit Anstruther had dressed him well. Maybe too well. The third reason he found himself scowling was every time his eyes fell on Jimmy a circle of women and men were around him trying to get his attention away from the cougar that her claws all over him. 

“How did you escape Anstruther’s clutches.”

“I have my ways,” Jimmy grinned. 

“Are you ready to have your photograph taken?”

“What?”

“There is no way, Anstruther won’t make sure to get you and her in the tabloids. She loves the attention.”

“The tabloids?” Jimmy’s mouth opened. “Isn’t that for Dick and the Crawleys?”

Thomas laughed outright and thought he probably shouldn’t given that Philip was his boyfriend. But it was funny because of the truth laced through the insult. “Anstruther is equal to the Crawleys.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t worry,” Thomas looked him up and down again. “You look photogenic.”

“Jimmy! There you are!” 

Thomas rolled his eyes and Jimmy gave a look of long-suffering. 

“Sally,” Jimmy turned toward her. 

“Have you two become friends?” She asked looking at Thomas with that looks he had that Thomas feel like prey for a snake. 

“Best of…” Jimmy said with a wink. 

“Maybe you can entice him into our bed,” Sally grinned at them both. 

Thomas just shook his head. Not even Jimmy could tempt him to see that woman naked. “I have to go let the paparazzi in.”

“Oh, is it time for the flash and dazzle,” Anstruther sounded giddy. “Come, come, Jimmy.” 

Jimmy who looked like he was in a daze, startled when she grabbed his elbow. Thomas caught his eyes and saw royal blue staring at him with a wildness behind them. Thomas wasn’t sure what it was that had Jimmy looking ready to run. He would think he’d like the attention of the press when it came down it — at least from what little he knew of the man. 

Thomas shot him a reassuring smile, at least he hoped it was, it was a new thing for him to attempt. Jimmy seemed to relax under though and he allowed Anstruther to pull him away. Thomas nodded at him before turning to go back to his task. 

~~~

Sally dragged him right up the Crawleys and the fucking dick. Jimmy scowled at him and tried to keep Anstruther’s hands from going into his jeans. He was fairly sure he didn’t want his picture in the tabloids with her hands down the front of his pants. His father wouldn’t approve of that either. Not his father approved of anything he did. Nor was his father likely to read the places he might find himself on the pages of… But he had friends who might. His mother’s singles friends seemed to flocking to their house. At least they were before he was unceremoniously shoved out of it. 

“Jimmy,” Sybil Crawley appeared in front of him and Sally. “Come and meet my parents.”

He took her hand and felt Sally’s hands slip from around his waist. He let Sybil pull him forward as flashes of light shone all around them. His eyes squinted and he felt like he might go blind for a moment. Then he was standing in front of an attractive couple. The Earl and Countess of Grantham. They were a handsome couple he thought, though they’d have to be given they were Sybil’s parents. 

“Mama, Papa, this is Jimmy Kent. He’s moved in next to us and is already a dear friend.” She winked at him.

Jimmy winked back and then smiled at her parents. “Lovely to meet you,” he said in his most charming voice. 

“Robert, Cora,” Sally was behind him and she wrapped her arm around his waist again. Jimmy tried not to stiffen at the touch. He told himself she was worth the trouble but for some reason tonight everything she did made him want to run. 

“Sally, I must say your newest doll is quite pretty?” The dick gave Jimmy an oily grin. 

“He is much more than that,” Sally said and then bit Jimmy’s ear. “Aren’t you.”

“Well,” Robert Crawley cleared his throat. “You’re mother and I must leave.” He kissed Sybil and then Mary, and their mother followed suit. “Philip,” Robert said and Jimmy noted the derision in his tone. Sybil’s mother on the hand hugged him and kissed his cheek. Jimmy hoped douchebaggery wasn’t contagious. 

The two of them said goodbye to Sally but paid him no mind, which he was perfectly fine with. Sybil gave him a warm smile. “I’m going to walk them out.”

“We should find Edith,” was the last thing Jimmy heard as the three of them disappeared. It was then that Jimmy realized he was alone with Sally, Mary Crawley and the dick. 

The dick grabbed Mary around the shoulders. She let herself lean into his body and they both turned and started posing for the cameras that were around them. Hands traveling on body parts. Jimmy watched it and wondered at how anyone would buy that it was anything but a show. But then maybe it was the show that mattered to these people? He didn’t know. 

“Jimmy turn…” Sally hissed in his ear. And suddenly he was part of the damn show. Sally had them posing, her hands all over him. One of them came up to them and asked _her_ his name. He couldn’t hear what she said because she whispered into the reporters ear and also grabbed his ass. Jimmy was just glad it meant her hand left his ass. She still had her claw wrapped around his upper arm, her nails dug into his skin. She wasn’t going to let escape the onslaught of photographs. 

So he decided to make the best of it. This could be good. It could get his name out. So he smiled his charming grin and he went with Sally’s manhandling and looked toward as many cameras as he could. A woman walked up to him, holding an expensive camera and gave him a wide smile. “So what’s your name?” she whispered into his ear. 

“Jimmy Kent,” he gave her a once over. “At your service.”

She snuck a card into his jeans pocket. “And who are you?”

“Oh, I’m the next rock ’n’ roll legend.”

“Are you?”

“It’s a sure thing, sweetheart.”

“Jimmy… come this way…” Sally dug her claws into him further, he glanced over at her and saw her glaring at the woman talking with him. He gave her an apologetic grin as he was yanked away. 

~~~

Thomas realized as soon as Philip slammed him against the wall in a dark corner of the floor that he should have expected this. Philip’s mouth was working up his neck, hitting all the places he knew would get Thomas worked up fast. And it was working, Philip’s hands pushing his back into the wall, grabbing at his hair and his tongue flat against his skin. But he made the effort to shove Philip back anyway. 

“Oh come on, Thomas, let me taste you.”

“And what if we’re photographed?”

“So be it,” Philip murmured. 

“And ruin your careful plan?” Thomas snapped. 

Philip moaned into his skin but it was in frustration. “Can I not win with you?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Philip glared at him but touched his face, his palm soft against Thomas’ cheek. “Come on, sweetheart. You know it’s just a game.”

Thomas raised an eyebrow. “And when it’s actually the woman you plan to marry?”

“Haven’t even met her yet… must we have this argument again. I’m tired of fighting. It’s all we’ve done for a week.” Philip leaned in and kissed his throat, one hand grabbed Thomas’ hip and pulled him against the length of Philip’s body. His other hand behind his head pushing Thomas into his face and 

Thomas opened his mouth and let him. He grabbed at Philip’s shoulders and spun him around. Anger and lust sparking. Philip’s moan was want and triumph then and Thomas swallowed the noise down. Philip tugged at his hair and his clothes. Thomas allowed it and did the same to Philip. He wanted to muss him up, he wanted to send him back to Mary and the paparazzi looking like someone else had had him. Because they’d all know it was. They’d know it was him. He sucked on Philip’s neck and pushed his hand down his pants. 

“Thomas…” Philip hissed in his ear. 

Thomas ignored the warning and wrapped his hand around Philip’s cock. “You wanted this, Philip. You like the risk,” Thomas licked at his jaw. “You want us to get caught.”

“Fuck you.” His head hit the wall behind him and his hips thrust into Thomas’ grip.

“Later.” 

Philip laughed from deep in his throat. “I do love you for reason, Thomas.”

Thomas quickened his pace and latched his mouth to Philip’s again. Pushing his tongue into it and relishing that Philip was giving as back as hard as he got. His hands were under his shirt, nails scratching up his back. It was almost always like this, rough, fast, bordering on hate and full of spite. 

“Shit, shit, shit,” Philip groaned as he came. 

“So eloquent, Your Grace.”

Philip shoved him away from him but looked him up and down. “You look fucked.”

“So do you,” Thomas said feeling victorious. Philip’s perfect tailored suit was now rumpled. His hair was a mess and he had a bright red hickey on his neck. “By me.”

Philip saw where Thomas’ eyes were staring and he touched his neck. “Did you give me a hickey?”

Thomas grinned. 

Philip’s eyes flashed with anger. 

“You wanted to do this, live with the results.”

“Well, you’ve left me little choice haven’t you,” Philip tucked in his shirt and tried to straightened his jacket. Thomas reached in and started doing up his pants for him. Philip let him and let his head fall onto his shoulder. “We’re going to keep fighting aren’t we.”

“For the foreseeable future.”

“You don’t believe me when I say I don’t want too?”

Thomas shook his head. 

Philip pushed him away but not roughly. “I must return.”

“You must.”

Philip made his way out of the corner, making it back to the greater crowd and pushed himself into it. Thomas turned and leaned against the wall and looked down at his own messed up suit. He tucked in his shirt and fixed his tie. His hair was in his eyes so he pushed it back with his fingers until he thought it would do long enough for him to slip out and into his office. 

Moments after he slipped back into the crowd himself and started toward the elevators a hand swung around his shoulder. He recognized it immediately as Jimmy. He was tugged against him and they staggered a bit and Thomas felt overwhelmed with warmth but also the smell of alcohol. 

“You’ve gotta save me,” Jimmy said and Thomas was relieved he didn’t sound as drunk as he smelled. 

“How do you expect me to do that?”

“I don’t know, but I can’t take it much longer. I’ve been with her almost 12 hours that is too much Sally. No one can handle that much Sally. She keeps trying to get me to fuck her. Here.”

Thomas rolled his eyes. “You haven’t?”

“No, I keep getting out of it. Hand jobs are bad enough. Everyone probably knows…” Thomas glanced at and saw Jimmy’s cheeks were bright red. “I mean, I get it, I’m her newest toy. But…” He started trying to bring them over to the bar. 

Thomas reached out then and wrapped an arm around Jimmy’s waist and kept them in the direction he wanted to go. “You don’t need more to drink.”

“No, no, I do, Thomas. I need way more to drink. I can still think straight, who wants that?”

“I sure don’t.”

Jimmy started laughing and grinned at him. “That was the stupidest joke.”

“Yet, you’re laughing.”

“Yeah, guess, I am,” Jimmy ducked his head down chuckling. 

They reached the elevator and Thomas extricated himself from Jimmy and hit the button. “Come with me to my office. You can hide for a bit at the least.”

“Yeah? You’re life saving, Thomas.” 

Thomas shook his head and smiled at him. 

Jimmy looked him up and down. “Did you have sex?”

“Not exactly.”

“But Dick’s all over Mary.”

“He took a break.”

“To be all over you?” Jimmy sounded accusing.

“He is my boyfriend,” Thomas pointed out and put his hand on Jimmy’s lower back to push him into the elevator.

“He’s a dick.”

Thomas laughed.

“And you agree,” Jimmy pointed at him.

“Takes one to know one.”

“You’re not a dick, Thomas.”

“You don’t know me very well.”

“Yes, I do,” Jimmy stepped forward and touched his face. His finger tips burned against Thomas’ skin. Thomas felt that fire burn down his spine. “I know you, Thomas Barrow,” Jimmy whispered his eyes wide and staring right into him. 

“Oh,” It was a breathy noise.

Jimmy grinned. 

The elevator doors slide open and more people piled into it. Forcing them into a corner. Jimmy dropped his hand, but they were shoved chest to chest. And he couldn’t stop looking Jimmy right in the eye and Jimmy was staring right back at him. 

“Did you push the button for your office floor?” Jimmy asked.

“No,” Thomas laughed. “Going to have to wait until I get over there, I guess.”

“I guess. So we go for a ride.”

“We go for a ride.” 

Jimmy grinned and Thomas found himself matching it.


	10. Chapter 10

The minute they walked into Thomas’ office Jimmy shed off the leather jacket. He liked it. He knew he looked amazing it. But a club was crowded, and putting up with Anstruther made a man overheated. He looked around the office and frowned. 

“Where is it?” he asked, glancing toward where he thought Thomas stood. The sight of him made Jimmy’s mouth fall open. Thomas wasn’t wearing a shirt. His back was to Jimmy and it looked he was reaching into a closet. But all Jimmy saw was Thomas’ back muscles constrict and flex. The movement memorized him. Pale skin, freckles. He quickly tried to deny his eyes the sight, he didn’t want to look. He had to look away. Because he didn’t want to look. He didn’t. But he averted his eyes the wrong direction and he was looking at Thomas’ ass. Jimmy licked his lips. 

“Bottom desk drawer, the left,” Thomas answered as he turned around his arms already in the shirt. 

Jimmy ran for the desk. 

“Thirsty?”

“Yeah, yeah…feel really overheated.” He’d been before but really was now and it wasn’t fair. He didn’t want… Jimmy grabbed a water bottle and twisted off the top, then looked across the room at Thomas. Who stood in an unbuttoned shirt revealing a broad chest. Jimmy told himself that he wasn’t into guys. He wasn’t, he wasn’t, he wasn’t… Thomas started to slowly button up his shirt, he was fastidious, paying attention to each button. Jimmy tracked every single movement until the last of Thomas’ chest hair vanished behind the crisp lines of the shirt. 

“Jimmy?”

“Huh?”

“You’re staring.” Thomas was staring right at him with an unreadable expression.

“Oh.” Jimmy took a drink as he thought up an excuse. “Um, how many of the same shirt do you own?”

“I keep trying to get Edith to switch from white to black. Because white doesn’t do me any favors in a night club.”

“At least it’s not a leather jacket.”

“There is that,” Thomas went to a mirror and started tidying up his hair.

It was then that hindsight kicked in and realized how rumbled Thomas had been before. When he’d swung his arm around him upstairs. “Did you get fucked?” 

Thomas laughed.

“No. Did you? But the Dick is all over Mary Crawley.”

“We didn’t fuck,” Thomas revealed with a smirk.

“Where…” Jimmy felt his cheeks heat up. 

“There are dark corners, if you know where to go.”

“Which you do…” Jimmy wrinkled his nose. “But really? Thomas. That dick?”

“Is good at what he does,” Thomas said. “Though, I’m better.”

Water spurted up Jimmy’s nose and down his wrong pipe. He started coughing up the water, tears falling down his face. 

“Shit,” Thomas was across the room, thumping his back. “Jimmy.”

“Swallowed wrong.”

“At least it was water,” Thomas deadpanned.

Jimmy laughed but it turned into another coughing fit. Thomas’s hand was still on his back but the thumps turned to him running his hand up and down Jimmy’s spine. It sent a wave of goosebumps over Jimmy’s skin and made his face flush. He stepped away from him the moment he felt like he could breathe. “I’m good, I think.”

Thomas smirked and sat on the edge of his desk. “I can’t stay down here too long.”

Jimmy nodded. 

“You can stay longer if you want. To hide from Anstruther.”

Jimmy ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah, I probably shouldn’t leave for too long either. She gets clingy if I vanish for too long. Think ditching herthe other night is why she accosted me so early today.”

“At least she took you shopping,” Thomas ran his eyes up and down Jimmy’s body. Jimmy tried not to enjoy it but he felt himself failing and his mouth curving up into an knowing smirk. 

“Yeah… she has her uses.”

“Get as much as you can out of her.”

“Before she gets bored of me?”

Thomas nodded.

Jimmy shook his head. “Again… most people would tell me not to let her use me.”

“You’re using her back. Mutually beneficial relationship.” 

“Yeah,” Jimmy said and turned away from Thomas. “I guess, not really sure… what I’m doing. Never been a boy toy before.”

“It’s a stepping stone, Jimmy. Tomorrow you are going to be in more magazines than you’ll be aware of. Get the recognition, get your music heard.”

Jimmy nodded. “Is the plan.”

“Then you know what you’re doing.”

He nodded and drank down more water. His throat starting to get back to normal. “Just…” he shook his head. He had too many things in his head but he really didn’t know Thomas. Even though something made him made Jimmy want to talk with him. To tell him all the things he wasn’t sure about. 

“What is it?”

“I just… I don’t know. I’m not drunk enough. I’m thinking.”

“And you don’t want that?”

“No.” Jimmy nodded. “Not at all.”

Thomas frowned and walked across the room and picked up the leather jacket. “Put this back on.”

Jimmy walked toward him, they met in the middle and he let Thomas slip the jacket onto him. Thomas straightened it behind him and then grabbed his hips and turned him around. Jimmy let him manhandle him and tried not feel the heat of his hands against through the fabric of his jeans. “Thomas?”

“Just…” Thomas pulled a comb out of nowhere and started fixing his hair. “You want to look a controlled mess, not a real mess,” he tutted. 

“Do I?”

“Yes.”

“My hair is too short.”

“It’s long enough for you to mess up,” Thomas said and managed to run his fingers through enough of it and his tongue slipped out and licked his bottom lip. Jimmy bit the inside of his cheek. 

“Presentable yet?”

“You were born that way,” Thomas said his cheeks reddening. He ducked his head down and stepped back. Jimmy fought a war with himself, wanting to follow him but he stayed still. “Yeah. You’ll more than do,” Thomas said, his eyes going up and down Jimmy’s body. 

“Who will more than do?” A very unattractive voice said from behind Jimmy. 

“Sarah,” Thomas said, his voice full of distaste. 

Jimmy turned and saw a woman who had to be around Sally’s age but without the glamour. In fact she looked quite dour and she looked at him. Her eyes studying him and he felt an urge to run. Thomas moved around him, in fact he created a wide berth between him and Jimmy followed him with eyes confused. 

“I just came down for a quote,” she said, flashing a knowing at Thomas. “But, what is this?”

“This is off the record,” Thomas snapped. 

“Oh, no, no, it’s not.”

“What do you want Sarah?” 

“You going to offer to bribe me,” she laughed. 

Jimmy watched them and felt like he was missing something.

“We used to have such a nice arrangement Thomas.”

“Not tonight.”

“You don’t want say anything about Philip playing it straight with Mary Crawley? No comment at all at that little ruse.”

“No.”

“And this would be why?” She looked back at Jimmy but then her eyebrows rose. “Wait a minute.”

“Out,” Thomas said and stepped forward between them. 

“Aren’t you Anstruther’s newest little toy? James Kent.”

“Jimmy,” he spat out. 

“He’s off limits,” Thomas said. 

“Oh is he?” she said knowingly. 

“He and I are strictly friends. He came down for a chat,” Thomas’ voice was clipped. 

“Chatting, is that what they call it.”

“I’ll give you a quote about Philip.” 

“Oh that won’t be enough… This is too good. Philip’s gay lover and Anstruther’s boy toy found tête-à-tête.”

“What?” Jimmy said. 

“What indeed? Everyone will be asking it.”

“No.” Thomas stepped closer. “Don’t.”

“And why shouldn’t I?”

“What’s the big deal?” Jimmy asked. Unsure why Thomas was being so protective of him. He looked between them. “I mean I want my name out there.”

“As my lover?” Thomas looked at him and Jimmy couldn’t read the expression. 

“Oh.”

“So your not? Mighty protective if you’re not fucking him, Thomas.”

“I’m with Philip.”

“Oh, yes, yes. The good one in that little relationship. As if anyone would describe you as good.” 

Jimmy frowned looking between them. “We’re neighbors.”

“Jimmy shut up,” Thomas shouted but it was too late.

“Really!”

“What if I give you scoop on Dick?” Jimmy asked.

“Who?”

“He calls Philip ‘Dick’.”

“Well, isn’t that accurate.”

“Tell me about it,” Jimmy said. “You can quote me as saying that Dick’s relationship with Mary Crawley is just about him wanting his inheritance.”

“Everyone knows that without being told.”

“I heard him say it myself,” Jimmy said. 

Sarah’s eyes rose. “I don’t know, relationship between you two is more appealing, much more appealing…”

“We’re friends, Sarah.” Thomas grabbed her elbow.

“Oh. Yes. _Friends_.”

“Come on do you have too?” Jimmy spat out. 

“Oh, I do.”

“I’ll give you thousand dollars,” Thomas spat out.

She rounded on him. “So you _will_ bribe me. You’ll pay me not to paint the two of as lovers?

“Yes.”

“Two thousand.”

“Fifteen hundred.”

“I still need a jilted lover quote.” She made a face but then grinned. Jimmy found it too toothy. 

“Fine.”

“And I’m using his.”

“Fine.”

“Money.”

Thomas sighed and walked over to his desk. Jimmy watched him pull out a checkbook and write her one. His eyes got wider and wider. He wasn’t at all sure what he’d just found himself in the middle of…. No, he knew, but it was starting to hit him what was happening. That this was happening to him. He was someone that people wanted quotes from, wanted to use his name, connection, image, whatever. He was a name or something. He started grinning. He was going to be famous. 

Thomas thrust the check at her. 

“Don’t think this keeps you safe forever,” she said looking right at Jimmy. 

“Safe?”

“Oh. It’s a good thing he’s pretty with that ego,” she said and she vanished. 

Thomas groaned. 

Jimmy grinned at him. “More magazines than I’ll know?” 

Thomas started laughing. 

“What?”

“That’s your take away?”

“Hell, yeah it is! Not only my face and name, but words out of my mouth. And they’re against that dick you’re dating. Win-win for Jimmy.”

“Did you just refer to yourself in the third person?”

“I did yeah…” he laughed and then realized the other thing that had happened. “Hey, yeah… I didn’t miss the fact you got her not to say you and I were a thing. I mean, thanks.”

“No one should be outed before their… when their not even queer.” 

“Right,” Jimmy looked away from Thomas.

“Get back up on the floor. I’ll wait a bit longer.”

“We should go together.”

“With Sarah O’Brien out there, no. She has her camera guy waiting to catch us together. Go, go find Sally. Be heterosexual.”

“Be heterosexual?” Jimmy started giggling and he wasn’t even sure why. 

“Yeah,” Thomas started smirking. “I’m trying to guide you here.”

“On how best to use notoriety.”

“Yes.”

“So go be straight?”

“What you want people to think, right?”

“Well, yeah….cause it’s true and all.” He ran his hand through his hair.

Thomas frowned and stepped forward. “Don’t mess it up until you get back up there at the least.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to say it was a nervous habit but the last thing he wanted Thomas to think was that he was nervous. He was on edge as it was around him. It was going to be a problem. Mostly because he liked being around Thomas. But it put him on edge in all the ways he wanted to avoid. He bit the inside of his cheek when Thomas hand went into his hair again. He could feel his fingertips and it made his scalp tingle. 

“Good. Go let Anstruther mess it up. Go, go,” Thomas put his hand on his hips again and spun him toward the door. 

Jimmy sighed and handed him the water bottle. “Okay, I’ll go be heterosexual…” he giggled. 

“Good boy, follow orders,” Thomas said.

Jimmy swallowed, shook his head and glanced back before he full made it out the door. Thomas smirked at him and waved him on. Jimmy walked on and soon he was back on the floor of the party. He scanned the crowd, looking for signs of Anstruther but he needn’t have bothered because she appeared out of nowhere. Her hand grabbing his arm and tugging him toward the dance floor. He was aware of flashes from cameras until they were too deep into the crowd for the photographers to follow. Anstruther grabbed his ass and pulled him against her. 

“Where were you, you naughty boy?”

“Saw a friend,” he said into ear. 

He danced with her for a few songs, before he extricated himself. “I’ll get us drinks.”

She grinned but she put her fingers in his belt loops. “Not letting you out of my sight.”

He grinned at her. _I definitely need more drinks._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize I should probably be using pounds but I suck at numbers/money stuff. So using dollars, please forgive me.


	11. Chapter 11

Thomas closed the door to his office the moment Jimmy stepped through it. He leaned his head against its surface and let out a groan of frustration. First there was O'Brien. He hated her. Once they'd been allies but that went out the window years ago. Now she would gladly roast him publically the first chance she got -- and she thought she found it tonight. Which she had uncanny timing, he was half sure she was a real witch. But the last thing he needed was her making some sort of tabloid triangle between him, Philip and Jimmy. It wasn't even about himself really, or Philip. No way he was going to let her out Jimmy. 

Out Jimmy. Thomas groaned. He’d never gotten more turned on by someone staring at him in his life. Jimmy stood there, beautifully drunk and dazed, tracking his hands as he buttoned up his shirt. He'd watched Jimmy eyes darken, watched his lips part and his tongue poke out. He watched Jimmy lean forward like he was about to take a step toward him. He hadn't though and then he'd looked away and claimed he was staring because Thomas had duplicates of same shirt. But he'd been far to obvious. 

Which apparently turned Thomas on…. But he couldn't do anything about it. For multiple reasons. All of them were irritating. Philip was of course at the top of the list. Despite the show his boyfriend was making with Mary, and their fights over the last several days they were together and had no plans not to be together. They had a good arrangement. Thomas was satisfied. 

The memory of feeling Jimmy's heat as he helped him back into his leather jacket flowed through him. And he smelled, amazing. He wondered what aftershave Anstruther had shoved at him, but Thomas had a feeling it'd been Jimmy he'd been responding too. He was too beautiful. No one, not even Philip, could really blame him for being so pulled in. 

And his stare. Thomas shivered remembering how Jimmy blatantly stared at him. Bold and unaware thanks to the alcohol in his system. Thomas licked his lips and sighed. Jimmy was young. Jimmy was in denial, either ignorantly or by choice. Thomas couldn't tell but he was in the closet about his sexuality at some base level. Which meant Thomas couldn't touch him… No Philip was why couldn't touch him. 

"Fuck," he muttered and looked in his mirror again. He looked perfectly presentable and not like the emotional mess he was on the inside. He nodded to himself. He started to think about his job. He had to get back up to the floor. He needed to check on the other floors of the nightclub. Mary's party was private but the nightclub was open to the public for the night as well. He'd been down in his office for far too long. 

He stepped off the elevator five minutes later. Paparazzi snapping pictures of him and he cursed the fact he'd allowed Mary to bully Edith into inviting far too many magazines to the party. But she and Philip were milking it as long as hard as they could. They were a good match, it was too bad for Philip Mary wasn't a man. A flash of anger rushed through him at the thought, Philip would definitely cheat on him with a male Mary Crawley. It hurt and he hated it. 

He made his way over to the bar. Jimmy was leaning over it, his elbows on the shiny black surface. Anstruther was clinging to his right side, her tongue in his ear. Jimmy looked bored but beautiful. Thomas looked away from him, he walked around the bar to the back of it. Pretending he didn't notice him, or Anstruther. He couldn't look at Jimmy. Not yet. The memory of what happened downstairs was still too fully in his mind. He hadn't pushed it away far enough to withstand the test of Jimmy being in his vicinity. 

"What's wrong?"

Thomas jumped and Sybil's airy laugh hit his right ear. He turned and saw her standing closer to him, worried expression in her wide eyes. "Thomas?"

"Nothing."

She raised an eyebrow.

"It's not important."

"Lies."

Thomas shook his head and wished she didn't know him so well. He never intended her to know him so well. But shit happened and Sybil Crawley knew him better than probably anyone. Himself included. 

"Is it Philip and Mary?" she asked. 

"Yeah," he said because that was part of it. Of course it was. He wished it wasn't. He'd agreed with Philip's plan afterall. He'd even been through this before with Philip. Though never quite on this grand a scale. 

"What else?"

Thomas looked at Jimmy without meaning too. He quickly looked away but Sybil was too smart and quick on the uptake to be fooled. She gave him an odd look when their eyes met. 

"What?"

"You tell me?"

"I believed him when he told me he was straight."

"You did?"

Thomas sighed. "Maybe I wanted too."

"Okay," she laughed at him right to his face. She was the only person who could ever get away with that. Because she never did it with pity or cruelty. "Sometimes you can be so daft."

"It doesn't matter."

"You like him."

"I'm taken."

"You shouldn't be," Sybil said her eyes darted to the left and she scowed. He followed her glance toward the dance floor. Philip and Mary were doing an amazing job of looking like they were having sex on the dance floor. He was quite impressed really even as the inexplicial irrational jealousy of a fabled male Mary Crawley rushed through him again. 

"Sybil…"

"He's a dick."

"You sound like Jimmy."

"Look, I don't know Jimmy or why he tells people he's straight. But anyone is better for you than Philip."

"He's deep in denial."

"What tipped you off? Given how dense you can be, it must have been something glaring."

Thomas glared at her but it held no venom.

"Come on, tell me?"

"Even I know when someone is staring at me like they want to taste me."

"DETAILS." Sybil clapped her hands together. 

Thomas rolled his eyes. 

"Thomas." She gave him her puppy eyes. 

"We were in my office."

"You took him down to your office?"

"He needed a break from Anstruther." Thomas couldn't stop himself from seeking them out. They were far, at a table, both with huge drinks in their hands. Anstruther practically in his lap. 

"Looks like he might need another one," Sybil said. 

Thomas stared at Jimmy's profile and wondered how anyone could be that beautiful. He was stunning. 

"Thomas? You're staring."

Thomas forced his eyes away.

"Details," Sybil said, kicking his foot playfully.

"I was changing into this shirt."

"Wow. Kinky…. Speak in paragraphs, not sentences."

Thomas felt himself blush, remembering. "He was staring at me. Well, no. He was staring at my chest. The entire time I buttoned up the shirt he was blantntly staring at me and licking his lips. He was in a daze. I had to say his name five times to break him out of it. Though, that was also the booze."

"Nah, that could've been just you."

Thomas looked away from her. 

"So he thinks your hot. You think he's hot…"

"Sybil."

"Right. You and Philip."

"I just… he's not out or ready to be out. Which…" he growled. "O'Brien walked in."

"What? O'Brien O'Brien."

"Yep. I had to bribe her not throw Jimmy into any story she does on Philip. And let her quote me about the whole thing with Mary. Which I never gave her one, now that I think about it. She's going to make something horrible up. Jimmy gave her quote to make Philip look bad."

"Good."

Thomas rolled his eyes. 

"She would out him."

"She won't. I won't let her," Thomas hissed. 

Sybil stared at him.

"What?"

"Nothing," she said with a coy smile. 

"Anything I can get you, Boss? Miss Sybil." Branson appeared in front of them at the corner of the bar where they stood. 

"No."

"Just some white wine, Tom," Sybil said.

"Tom?" Thomas shot her a look.

"What? It's his name, you know. I asked him."

"Why?"

"He's cute."

Thomas glared at her and Sybil burst out laughing.

"I need to get to work," he muttered and walked off to do just that. 

~~~

The music stopped. Thomas head swiveled toward the dance floor, forgetting the conversation he was having with an man unhappy with how his martini had been made. He started through the crowd, most people just standing looking dumbfounded by the lack of sound coming through the speakers. He'd never heard the club so quiet, he pushed through, people starting to whisper. When he got to the dance floor, he saw Edith Crawley on her knees giving someone mouth to mouth. 

The crowd had stood back but not enough to really giving the problem the space, Thomas was quite sure it warrented. He strode closer and that was when he saw that Jimmy was on his knees too, his hands holding back Anstruther's head as Edith blew air into her mouth. 

"What happened."

"She just collasped," Mary said, staring down her sister and Anstruther with horror. 

"She was talking one moment and then she was…" Philip moved his hands around. 

Suddenly Anstruther gasped for breath. Making Edith nearly topple over in shock. Thomas dropped down and checked her pulse. "Ms. Anstruther? Sally?" he asked and snapped his fingers in front of her face. Her eyes fluttered open for a brief second but then closed, her head lolled to the side. But she was breathing. 

"I called for an ambulance," Edith said. 

Thomas nodded. 

"Do we end the party?" Philip asked. 

"I supposed we should," Mary said. 

Thomas looked around at the crowd, in time to get blinded for the thousand time by camera flashes. This was going to be quite the story. He sighed and started to stand. "I'll direct everyone one down to the regular nightclub." 

"Good plan," Edith nodded. "I'll go wait for the ambulance."

Thomas nodded and looked down at Anstruther but all he saw was Jimmy. He was still on his knees, a hand on her face but he was staring blankly ahead. He looked pale and shaky. Thomas reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. Jimmy didn't seem to notice. He dropped back down to the floor and shook Jimmy. "Jimmy?" nothing. "Jimmy?" Again nothing but this was nothing like before in his office. He swallowed. "Jimmy?"

"I think he's had a shock," Mary said and Thomas rolled his eyes. She was spectacular at stating the obvious. 

"Jimmy?" Thomas tried again. 

"Thomas, the crowd," Philip said. 

Thomas glared up at him. 

"I'll watch over them," Mary said. "Do your job, Barrow."

He gritted his teeth at her tone but she was right. Thomas squeezed Jimmy's shoulder and bit back the urge to say he'd be back. He stood up and looked at Philip. Philip met his eyes and Thomas found himself glancing at Jimmy. "Look after him," he asked.

Philip broke eye contact for a quick second, looking at Jimmy. "For you," he said softly. 

Thomas nodded and walked off to do his job. To try to handle crowd control, happy to be herding the paparazzi off the floor. But his mind was with Jimmy. He barked orders, he glared at his slower employees. He nodded briefly at Edith as she walked back in with the medics. Then he continued with the herding, until the floor was empty of everyone but employees, the medics, the Crawley sisters, Philip, Jimmy and Anstruther. 

"Do you know anything about her medical history?" a man was asking Jimmy.

Jimmy shook his head. 

"What happened?" he asked as the other seemed to be doing vitals. 

"She was slurring a lot but we had a lot to drink. Then she just collasped."

"It was quite sudden," Mary interjected.

The medics nodded and moved her onto the stretcher. "Will you be coming with her?"

Jimmy just stared blankly at them. "I…"

"We'll follow," Thomas said. 

They nodded. 

Jimmy stared after them until they disappeared down the elevator. Then he walked off into a corner of the room, his hands on his head. Thomas watched him and was about to follow when Philip grabbed onto his shoulder. He turned toward him. "We?"

"Look at him, Philip."

Philip surprised him by actually turning toward where Jimmy had walked. Thomas looked too and saw Jimmy slide down wall to the floor. "Thomas he isn't your responsibility."

"I know that."

"Fine. We'll go," Philip said.

Thomas stared at him, too shocked to speak. 

"Actually, I do think we should," Mary said. "Go. We saw it all happen, the press saw the whole thing. We should go to the hospital."

"For appearances," Philip asked turning toward her.

"Yes. Anstruther isn't just any guest. It would look poorly if we didn't go to the hospital."

"Mary," Sybil sighed. "We should go because a woman has collasped not because it will look good in the tabloids."

"Sybil, you just don't understand.

"No, I don't… I'll go get my car." 

"Are you sober?" Mary asked.

"Yes, I only had half a glass of wine."

"I'll drive my car," Thomas said. 

"We shouldn't go together," Philip said.

"I'll bring Jimmy," Thomas pointed out, glancing over at him again. Jimmy was holding his head in his hands. Thomas fought down the urge to run over there. 

"Thomas," Philip said sharply.

Thomas looked at him. 

Philip stepped forward, hand going to his face and kissed him softly before stepped away. "I'll see you there."

Thomas nodded. He watched them walk away for a brief moment. Before he turned around and walked where he wanted to be. He sat down on the floor next to Jimmy. A quick glance showed him that Jimmy was still rather pale and still appeared to be shaking. 

"Jimmy?"

"She just fell. It was so fast."

"She'll be fine."

"You can't know that."

"No, I couldn't. I'll drive you to the hospital."

"I…" Jimmy looked at him with wide eyes and shook his head. "I can't…" he trailed off and bent his head down. 

"Do you not want to go…"

"No, no, I should, I should go," Jimmy interrupted. He looked at Thomas then his eyes wide and full of tears. "She just fell," Jimmy repeated. "She just fell."

"It was a shock," Thomas said, for lack of anything better. He had no idea what to do. He stood up and offered Jimmy his hand. Jimmy took and Thomas helped him to his feet. "We don't have to stay there long, if you don't want."

He thought he saw Jimmy nod but the movement was slight. Jimmy seemed to have locked into himself again. Thomas opened his mouth but he had no solace to offer. So he stayed quiet and ended up having to guide Jimmy a few times with a hand on his lower back. They got into his car and Thomas headed toward the hospital.


	12. Chapter 12

Thomas parked his car on the side of a side street. They’d have to walk a fair amount but it was the safest route. The paparazzi would be at certain high traffic points. Some of the smart ones might be around the entrance Thomas had in mind, but it was unlikely. He hated the place, but he pushed that aside. He wasn’t going to think about the reasons why. Instead he turned his gaze onto Jimmy and worry churned in his gut. 

Jimmy had stopped muttering about Anstruther falling. Now he just seemed to be sleepwalking. He was in a complete daze from the collapse. Thomas thought maybe he should have a doctor check him for shock. He frowned and reached over and put his hand on Jimmy’s shoulder. 

Jimmy looked over at him his eyes widened. “Thomas?”

“Yeah, we’re here.”

“Oh…” Jimmy looked confused. “Anstruther fell,” he said again. “She fell…” he looked away from Thomas. 

“I’m going to text Philip. He and the others should already be in a waiting room. See if they know anything yet.”

“Ok.”

“We have to walk a bit.”

“Fine.”

Thomas opened his mouth but closed it. He felt lost, what the hell was he supposed to say? Or do? He opened the door to his car and stepped out. Jimmy didn’t follow suit, so he walked around it and opened the passenger door for the man. Jimmy looked at him and started to struggle with the seat belt. So Thomas leaned down and unbuckled it and offered Jimmy a hand. Jimmy staggered into him as he rose up and Thomas. His senses filled with the heady scent that was Jimmy, that’d had pulled him the first night they meant. But there was also the alcohol, more than the night before and sweat. Thomas held onto Jimmy by the waist as he shut his car door and locked it. 

“Can you walk?” Thomas asked letting go but not letting his hands stray far. 

Jimmy nodded and moved forward, staggering only slightly. Thomas decided to stay by his right shoulder and a bit behind him. Hoping he wouldn’t have to reach out and catch him. He could guide him too, with a hand on his back, he thought. If necessary. He pulled out his cellphone and started texting Philip. A minute later it blared and Thomas rolled his eyes at the sight of the ALL CAPS reply. 

“Philip is harassing the nursing staff.” Thomas muttered. 

“Is she?” Jimmy slurred.

“He doesn’t know yet.” 

“Oh.”

“Maybe when we get there…” Thomas said, as typed out a reply to Philip and asked where the hospital to go. 

Jimmy stopped walking, his hands flying to grab at Thomas. “Whoa, Earth’s off his axis.”

Thomas wrapped his arm around Jimmy’s shoulders, pulling him into him. “You’re drunk.”

“We kept drinking those big globes.”

“Yeah, really should stop at one of those.”

“She just fell…” Jimmy said and Thomas felt him shudder.

“She’ll be fine.” 

“Don’t know that. Can’t know that. People just fall and…” Jimmy trailed off. 

Thomas glanced at him for a full minute, before he squared his own shoulders and started moving them forward. He had to keep maneuvering them around slower walkers. Every time he had to shift Jimmy too much, he yelled out about the world being uneven. 

“Ugh, Thomas tell the ground to stop rushing away from me.”

Thomas glared at everyone they passed and got a few hard glares back because inevitably Jimmy’s uneven gait had them bumping into people. 

“Should just get out my bloody way,” Thomas muttered as they passed an oblivious couple holding hands. Then finally they were at the hospital. He pushed them through the doors and checked his cellphone. He looked around, a rush of memories hitting him as he realized he knew exactly where to go. Irritation ran down his spine and pushed them aside. He pushed Jimmy toward the elevator and pushed the button. 

Jimmy leaned into him, swaying on his feet. Thomas glanced over and was amazed that his eyes were open. He seemed seconds from passing out. 

“Is she okay?” Jimmy asked him. 

“I’m sure she is,” Thomas said and he pulled Jimmy into the elevator with them. When they stepped out of the elevator Thomas heard a familiar voice. He followed the sound of Philip yelling. Or rather Philip throwing his weight around and abusing his power. 

The nurse however was yelling back at him and Thomas wasn’t at all surprised to see the vein on Philip’s forehead as he and Jimmy rounded he corner to the waiting room. 

“Do you know who I am? I paid for this very wing of the hospital we are standing in. Get me the chief of staff.”

Thomas rolled his eyes and sought out Sybil. She was standing with Mary by a vending machine. The two of them watching Philip. Sybil with unconcealed disgust and Mary with a slight smirk. Thomas guided Jimmy to an empty seat. Jimmy slumped down into it and gripped the edges of the chair. 

“Can we stop bloody moving yet?” he grumbled.

“Yes,” Thomas said and he walked right up the vending machine. Shoved money into it and got Jimmy a bottle of water. “Do we know anything?” he asked Sybil. 

“All they’ve told us is that she’s admitted,” Sybil said. 

“The Chief of Staff will be here soon, we’ll find out then,” Mary said as if that was status quo. 

Thomas rolled his eyes. 

“Is he okay?” Sybil asked and she walked over to Jimmy. 

“He’s drunk and I think he’s still in shock.”

“He is shaking, I’ll ask a nurse for a blanket.” Sybil walked off before Thomas could ask her if maybe they should grab a doctor. 

“He does look awful,” Mary said. 

Thomas rolled his eyes and bent down in front of Jimmy. “Here, drink.”

Jimmy took the bottle and tried to drink out of it with the cap on. Thomas sighed and thought he should’ve known. He opened it for him and handed it back. Jimmy got more on him than in him, but Thomas decided that was a start. He grabbed the bottle so Jimmy wouldn’t spill it and sat down next to him. 

Mary stood in front of them, head bent down as she fiddled with her cell phone. A bored look on her face. She let out a long sigh and shook her head. “This is dull,” she finally said. 

“It’s a hospital,” Thomas pointed out.

“Sybil is always talking about them as places of energy and excitement.”

“Sybil works in emergency.” 

Mary shrugged. “Well, Barrow… did we do well tonight?” she glanced at Philip.

“Very convincing.”

“You did your part?”

“I glowered.”

“That’s rather normal, Barrow…” Mary said. 

“I looked pissed. Is that what you wanted?”

“I think it should do nicely. As long as no one realized you two went off to that dark corner.”

“No one saw us.”

“Good.”

Thomas rolled his eyes. He knew it was habit he did often but he always felt like it doubled when he was around Mary Crawley. “You and Philip will get what you want out of the damn night.”

“The first of many, though nothing as high profile as my birthday.”

Thomas rolled his eyes. 

“Thomas?” Jimmy said.

Thomas looked over at him and realized Jimmy was a horrible shade of green. “Oh fuck…” 

Jimmy groaned. 

Thomas grabbed Jimmy and bee lined them to the men’s bathroom, thankful he did know exactly where it was and shoved Jimmy into a stall. They got there just in a time. Thomas grimaced and looked way. But he kept a hand on Jimmy’s back. 

“Thomas?” Sybil walked into the bathroom. “I’ll stay with him.” 

Thomas blinked at her. 

“It is my job,” she said with a slight smile. 

“Right?” Thomas nodded. “I’ll go… Jimmy leaving you with Sybil.”

Jimmy just groaned again. 

Thomas found himself back in the waiting room. Philip was talking to a tall woman in a very smart white coat. He walked up to them and the woman stopped. 

“Thomas this is Dr. Moore, the chief of staff,” Philip said. 

Thomas gave her a polite smile. “Doctor.”

“As I was about to explain, Mrs. Anstruther mixed far too much alcohol with prescription medications. Her stomach has been pumped, we’ll keep her over night. But she’ll be fine.”

Thomas nodded. It was what he’d expected.

“Well, that is all we needed to know,” Philip said. “When can we see her?”

Thomas watched Dr. Moore catch herself about to roll her eyes. Philip was oblivious. “I’ll have a nurse let you know,” she said. 

“Good,” Philip turned away from her and started walking toward Mary. 

“I’d appreciate it if you really did let us know,” Thomas asked, catching the doctor just before she walked away. “Her date of the evening would like to see her.”

“You are not her family…” she said. 

Thomas gritted his teeth, he didn’t want to pull Philip card but he would. “Please?”

She sighed. “Very well, I will actually do it.”

“Thank you.” 

He headed over to where Philip and Mary were talking. Philip turned away from her as Thomas walked up, reached up and touched his face. “You coming to the apartment?”

Thomas blinked at him. 

“What?”

“Are you kidding?” 

“Do I look like I’m kidding?”

“I have to take Jimmy home.” 

“So?”

Thomas sighed. “I have class in the morning.”

“And?”

“Take Mary home,” Thomas sniped not in the mood to put up with Philip’s obtuseness. 

“No,” Philip’s face wrinkled up in disgust. 

“I’m flattered,” Mary laughed. “Though… it is quite late Philip and the vultures do await us as we leave. It might be a good idea. And Barrow really shouldn’t have to drive all around the city when it’s already nearing dawn.”

Philip looked between them and than grinned. “It would be a good move to make in our little game.” 

Thomas nodded and walked away from them. He slumped back down in a seat and looked up at the ceiling. He hated this ceiling. 

“Thomas?” Philip appeared in his view. 

“What?”

“What are you so grumpy for?”

“I don’t know, let me think…” Thomas glared up at him.

“Oh, don’t be a drama queen. Kiss me goodnight.”

“Here?”

“Yes.”

Thomas straightened in the seat and looked around. There were a few other people in the waiting room. Two much older women, and two young women. Both of them happened to glance over and catch Thomas eye. They both instantly turned back and started talking. Thomas looked back at Philip with an raised eyebrow. 

“I don’t care, they are just kids.”

“Or they work for a paper.”

“You’re paranoid.”

“You should be,” Thomas snapped. “This is your game, Philip. I’m just playing along.”

“Come, Philip. It’s too late for these dramatics,” Mary tugged at Philip’s arm.

Philip glared at Thomas but allowed Mary to pull him along. 

Thomas watched them leave and then turned back to the ceiling. He fidgeted with his tie, realized he felt rather hot. He stood up and peeled off his suit jacket. Sybil and Jimmy came walking back into the room. Jimmy looked pale but he was walking straighter than he’d been before. Thomas helped him into a chair and sat down next to him. 

“Jimmy…” Thomas started to tell him what happened. 

“Don’t talk to me, I’m waiting for the world to still,” Jimmy moaned and brought the water bottle to his mouth. Thomas felt relieved when he drank out of it without spilling.

“He’ll be fine,” Sybil said. “Where is Mary?”

“She and Philip left.”

“Without me?” Sybil sighed.

“Fuck… but you can just come with me,” Thomas said. 

“I was supposed to go home with Mary… fine, I rather sleep in my own bed anyway.” She sat down. 

“Okay. I’m good. Less spinny,” Jimmy turned toward Thomas. “Is she?”

“She had stomach pumped. Mixed her medications with the drinks.”

“That’s it,” Jimmy snapped, anger flashing in his eyes. 

“Yeah,” Thomas confirmed 

“Fuck, I thought… I… FUCK.” Jimmy closed his eyes, threw his back. “Fuck, fuck, fuck…” he gasped out for breath and started crying. 

Sybil and Thomas exchanged a look. Thomas felt panic rise up in his chest and he implored her to do something about it. 

“Good luck,” she said lowly to him. “I’m going to call Tom, I told him I’d let him know what happened.” She darted off.

“Sybil!” Thomas hissed but it was useless. 

Jimmy was leaning over now, his head in his hand and his body shuddering. Thomas stared at him and wondered what hell he was supposed to do. All he knew was he didn’t want to hear Jimmy cry, it was doing something to him. All he could think about what to try to find out to stop it. 

“Jimmy?”

Jimmy let out gasp. “I… she just fell.”

“I know…”

“Not Sally…” Jimmy’s voice was broken. “My mum, she just fell and she was dead.”

“Oh,’ Thomas heard himself say, his brain panicking and not knowing what to do. 

“I thought,” Jimmy looked right at him then, his eyes still full of tears. “I mean she just fell, it was just.. The same. It was the same.”

“No, no,” Thomas reached out and touched Jimmy’s shoulder. “Not the same.”

“But it’s all I could see.”

Thomas nodded. 

Jimmy stood up and rubbed at his eyes. Thomas stood up with him, his hand still on his shoulder. It was all he could think of to do, so he stayed silent. 

“Can I see her?”

“They’ll get us, yes.”

Jimmy nodded and he turned around. Thomas met his eyes and hoped Jimmy saw understanding them and not how at a loss he felt in the moment. Jimmy sniffled, stepped forward and buried his face into Thomas’ shoulder. Jimmy’s shoulders shook as he cried. “I thought…fuck,” his voice muffled against Thomas’ shoulder. 

Thomas stood awkward and searched for words but his vocabulary was failing him. He didn’t know what to do with his hands, but he lifted them up and hovered for a long moment before he wrapped them around Jimmy. At his touch, Jimmy pushed more deeply into Thomas’ chest and shoulder. Thomas closed his eyes, felt his skin heat up and tightened his on Jimmy. Jimmy sagged against him then, Thomas moved back on his heels but managed to take the weight of him, he felt tears on his neck but Jimmy’s body slowly stopped shaking. Thomas heart was pounding, but he realized he wasn’t going to let go until Jimmy wanted him too. After awhile, Thomas felt a thank you whispered against his skin. 

“Anything, Jimmy,” he whispered.


	13. Chapter 13

Jimmy woke up his face buried into something extremely soft. He burrowed into it more, reaching his arms around it. It was nice. Really nice. He closed his blinking eyes and tried to fall back into nothingness. It felt like the best idea but his head hurt. It was slight dull pain at first but the longer he was awake the more it started to hurt. He groaned, he didn’t want to be awake, and the pillow was so soft. He moved a bit and ended up on his back. He squinted as his eyes blinked open. It was bright, too bright, far far too bright. He groaned and put his hand over his eyes. He turned again and burrowed into the soft pillow and noticed then he was covered in a soft blanket. He gripped the edges of it and pulled it over his head. Which was annoying painful, he swallowed down a groan and realized his mouth felt like something died in it and scratchy. He was thirsty, he thought, but the last thing he wanted to do was move. 

A sudden burst of sound, a blaring alarm made Jimmy sit up with a jerk, his head feeling like it stayed on the pillow. He groaned in pain and looked around for where the disturbing sound was coming from. The door to the room he was in flew open. Thomas was there then and they looked right at each other, before Jimmy put his hands on his head and wished away the pain. Thomas hurried inside and grabbed a clock, with a face and hands, that looked like something someone would wind and stopped the blaring. 

“I apologize, I forgot about the alarm,” Thomas said his voice low. 

Jimmy blinked at him and looked around the room. Stately furniture, tidy and crisp and clean. “I’m in your bed.”

Thomas’ mouth quirked upward. 

Jimmy rolled his eyes and wished he hadn’t. 

“I thought it best not to leave you alone.”  
“I have roommates.”

“I don’t know them,” Thomas pointed out. “And they didn’t answer the door. I suspect they were all sleeping.”

Jimmy nodded and grunted. “Ow, my head. I don’t usually get this.”

“You drank far too much last night.”

“Shit, Sally,” Jimmy flew off the bed, then staggered as the room started to spin around on him. Thomas’ hands grabbed him by his shoulders and steadied. Jimmy looked up and right at him and felt a blush bloom. Last night coming to him in bits and pieces, ending with him crying into Thomas’ shoulder. Embarrassment rushed him and carefully stepped out of Thomas’s hold and looked down at his feet. 

“She’s okay, Jimmy. Sybil called in and found out they already released her.”

“Yeah, good, I guess…” Jimmy sat back down on Thomas bed. 

“Look, I have to get to class,” Thomas said and he walked over toward his bureau and pulled open a draw. Jimmy watched him take out what looked to be a really old but classic watch. He snapped it around his wrist and Jimmy glanced at the clock again. It was early, he must have only slept an hour at least. No wonder his head was still spinning. 

“I’m still drunk.”

“I believe so,” Thomas said. He opened another drawer and pulled out a bottle. He put it down on his nightstand in front of his alarm clock. “I’ll get you some water.”

Jimmy watched him leave the room and looked around it again. His first impression staying. It was neat and simple. Stately and simply decorated. There were a lot of clocks he realized. One of the wall, with roman numerals. One on the bureau that you could see the inner workings of and the alarm clock on the bed by the night stand. There were a few picture frames, the one on the nightstand was of Sybil and Thomas, their faces squished together. It looked a selfie and Jimmy was sure it was Sybil that took the picture. He stood up again, carefully and walked over to bureau to look at the other pictures. There were three. One was of a beautiful woman with dark hair and light blue eyes, a young boy was holding onto her leg, but his face was looking up at the camera warily. Jimmy grinned at it, even as a kid Thomas had the air of grumpiness. 

His eyes narrowed at the next to photographs. They were both of Thomas with the dick. One with them both in tuxes, standing together, arms around each others shoulders, they looked drunk and both of them were smiling. Jimmy glared at the dick then slid his eyes over to Thomas. He stared at him for awhile, at the large smile, dimples, in the picture his eyes looked more blue than gray and were filled with amusement. He looked happy. Really happy. Jimmy glared at the dick again and put the frame down just as Thomas walked back into the room. 

Thomas walked to the nightstand and but a glass of water down next to the bottle of aspirin. “You should try to get some sleep.”

Jimmy sighed. “Really can’t. Start my job today.”

Thomas grimaced. “Putting up with Carson with the hangover you have? I am sorry.”

Jimmy laughed and winced because of it. “Damn it.”  
“Take the aspirin. Feel free to eat anything if you can…” Thomas looked around his room. “Take a shower. I just, I have to go.”

“Class, right.”

“Yes. Masters in business don’t just happen.”

“For your own nightclub?”

“Nightclubs, Jimmy. Dream big.”

Jimmy smiled. 

“Well, good bye then.” Thomas turned to leave.

“Wait,” Jimmy called out the night before surfacing again, bits and fuzzy pieces but Thomas there the whole time, solid and sure. “Just, thanks.”

Thomas met his gaze, nodded and then turned and went. 

Jimmy was thankful for his silence. 

~~~

He took a shower and enjoyed the expensive soap and shampoo of Thomas he found. Inhaling the crisp scent of it all, wondering if it really smelled like snow as the packaging suggested. He’d have wait to winter to find out he thought. He grabbed towel and wrapped it around his waist when he heard pounding on the door. The sound made his head throb, despite the aspirin he’d taken, the pain persisted. 

Jimmy sighed as the pounding continued. It wasn’t his apartment, but he was inside it. He’d look and see who it was at least. If it was important he could leave Thomas a note or something. So he looked through the peephole and instantly his mood went south. 

He opened the door with an angry jerk. “He’s at class, Dick. Would think you’d know that being his boyfriend.” 

The dick stormed inside and slapped a newspaper against Jimmy’s chest. “You’ll do, what the fuck is this?” 

Jimmy found himself holding the paper and he looked at it and at the dick. “It’s a fucking newspaper.”

“Cute, real cute. Explain what the hell Bunting is going on about.”

“Bunting?”

“Sarah Bunting.”

“Uh…”

“You truly are an imbecile aren’t you. Just a pretty face and…” the dick’s eyes roved up and down Jimmy’s body and Jimmy suddenly felt very pissed off he was only in towel. “Look at the article.”

Jimmy looked down at the paper, it was upside down so he turned it and his eyes bugged out. There was a picture of him and Thomas _embracing_ there was really no other definition for how they were wrapped around each other. Jimmy remembered crying into his shoulder and how the world had stopped spinning so much when Thomas wrapped his arms around him. It’d been comfort, Jimmy been a mess, grief had caught up to him and he’d been too drunk and too scared to deal with it. Embarrassment rushed through him again. 

“Well, do you have an explanation?” 

Jimmy glared at the dick. Took in his dark eyes and the twisted turn of his face. He looked pissed off and smug. He looked entitled to Jimmy’s thoughts and that really pissed Jimmy off. “No.”

“No?”

“No.” Jimmy rolled his eyes. “Now get out.”

“What?”

“Get out. I need to get ready for work.”

“Here? Why are you here,” the dick suddenly accused, looking around and eyeing Jimmy’s naked chest again. “What the fuck you doing here?”

Jimmy rolled his eyes. “None of your damn business.”

“Oh it is. You’re naked in my boyfriend’s flat.”

“Where were you last night? With Mary Crawley?”

“That’s an arrangement, that Thomas understands. It was his idea. What is this?”

“Something you wouldn’t understand, Dick,” Jimmy snapped. “He let me crash here because my roommates didn’t answer the door earlier. Now I have to go get into my own flat but I’m not leaving you HERE… because Thomas didn’t give me permission to allow anyone inside.”

“I have a key you know.”

“Not on you, or you wouldn’t been pounding on the door.”

The dick glowered at Jimmy, stepped forward and yanked at the paper, ripping it in the process. His eyes narrowed, he stepped into Jimmy’s personal space, putting them nose to nose. “You’re nothing, you’re some old ladies fuck toy… you have nothing to offer Thomas and trust me, he only cares about things that get him something… He especially won’t give a fuck about some closeted fuck boy whose main occupation seems to be getting drunk every chance he gets.”

Jimmy curled his right hand into fist, anger rushing through him, mixed up with insecurity and the intense burning hatred for the man in front of him. He started rearing up to punch the dick right in his smug face but the asshole was gone as quickly as he’d arrived. Jimmy spun around and was staring out the open the door into the hallway. He stood there his breath harsh, pulse pounding in his temples, his headache throbbing for a long time. Then he realized he still held a section of the paper and he lifted up and saw most of the picture of him and Thomas. Them wrapped up together and he shook his head at it. It was too intimate, it was too much, he crumbled it up into ball and stalked out of Thomas’ flat, slammed the door behind him and then he violently pounded on his own door until an irate Daisy opened it. 

~~~

Thomas looked at his watch and sighed. Thirty minutes left of class, his professor was a droning, monotoned idiot. He knew the curriculum better than him and his irritation grew with each class. He wanted to learn, not be bored. He leaned back in his seat, to stretch out his back and tried to focus on what the man was saying. He had least had to know what tests and assignments would cover. 

He heard low voices to the left of him and some giggling. Instantly, he glanced over, eavesdropping would be a lifesaver right now. But the minute he glanced at the two women speaking they noticed him and stopped talking. He looked away but kept an ear out. 

“It’s him,” one whispered.

Thomas frowned and glanced over at them again, they were looking at a cellphone, he managed to avert his eyes before they looked at him again. He sighed and wondered what they were reading. After last night he was sure his picture was all over the tabloids. As the ‘ex’ of the future Duke of Crowborough his face and his lack of comment would be on every tabloid and gossip column today. He frowned remembering he’d told O’Brien he’d give her a quote but he never had… He’d have to see what lie she’d written. He thought about Jimmy and a rush of protectiveness rushed through him, it shocked him, but he couldn’t deny it. 

O’Brien better have kept his deal about leaving Jimmy out of Philip’s arrangement with Mary. If Jimmy was in those papers it better because he’s the handsome new beau of Anstruther. It better quotes about Jimmy talking about his music. Jimmy didn’t need to be wrapped up with Philip’s stupid drama, or his own, no if he was getting P.R. It better help the boys dreams. Otherwise there was no reason for Jimmy to put up with Anstruther. Stupid old woman, mixing meds and alcohol and partying like she’s a twenty-something herself. While he was happy, in a way, she was fine medically, she only had herself to blame for her collapse. What he hated about it was it’d upset Jimmy. He found he wouldn’t forgive that, the old bat better watch herself. 

His phone vibrated in his pocket. The professor was still droning on, he could still hear whispers and giggles from the two girls to his left. None of which was keeping his attention. So, he pulled out his phone and saw it was text from Philip. He opened it, rolled his eyes at the all caps but then frowned at the words. 

YOU LET BUNTING SEE YOU CRADLE HIM. 

Bunting? Sara Bunting was a gossip columnist for smaller tabloid, that for the moment was being seen as rather trendy and much read. Thomas frowned at message, and tried to remember if he’d cradled anyone recently. He closed the text and went onto the internet, putting in his own name and Buntings. An article came right up but it was picture that floored Thomas. It was Jimmy crying on him, sagged against him so hard that he would have fallen if Thomas hadn’t wrapped his arms around him and taken his weight.

It looked romantic from afar. It looked intimate. Thomas sighed, he’d forgotten to worry about people watching. He was sure now the women in the waiting room worked for the paper. For Bunting. Or had she herself walked in and taken advantage of his obliviousness for anything but Jimmy. 

Jimmy. His first thought was to warn him but he instantly realized he didn’t have Jimmy’s cellphone number, or any number. Maybe he was still in the flat, he quickly dialed his own home. But the phone just rang until Sybil’s voice was in his ear asking him to leave a message. He hung up and opened up Philip’s text message again and typed out a response. 

_No one will take Bunting seriously._

READ THE BLOODY ARTICLE, was the message he received two minutes later. Thomas groaned and went back to the article, ignoring the picture. It was generic really, but it mentioned Jimmy, even quoted him talking about his inevitable rock god stardom. Thomas found himself grinning at Jimmy’s ego, it was certainly healthy. But then it noted Thomas and him spending time together at the club, something which Bunting hadn’t taken very seriously until the hospital… She went on to wonder about the seriousness of Mary Crawley and Philip, about if Thomas was truly an ex and just what was he doing with Anstruther’s current beau and aspiring rockstar. He hadn’t wanted Jimmy mixed up with Philip’s bullshit.

He frowned. He’d wasted money to stop O’Brien from doing this and now Bunting had. That bitch. He opened his contacts and pulled up Tom Branson’s contact information. 

_I want a private meeting with your ex. Set it up._


	14. Chapter 14

Jimmy tugged off his bowtie the second his shift was over. As he made his way toward the back where he could change, he shrugged off the coat and groaned as his arms hit air. He still had on the blasted shirt but already he felt better. He felt overheated and wondered at how he hand’t melted. This place was allegedly air conditioned but he didn’t believe it. Rich customers it turned out where worse than the average asshole. He really should have seen it coming he thought. Rich women, young women especially where really good tippers. Especially when you flirted with them. And especially if they recognized you. 

And that had been weird at first, but he’d quickly gotten over it. Because every woman who recognized him, he had smiled and flirted with. And found himself getting amazing tips. He’d seen about six different pictures of him, with different little things written the captions. But the main gist was he was Jimmy Kent, aspiring rockstar and that Sally Anstruther had the hottest date of the season. Whatever that meant. “Good tips,” he told himself and pulled at the high collar and started unbuttoning his shirt. 

But he also started to think about Sally. He’d been pushing it to the side since the moment he woke up. She’d collapsed on him. Just fainted dead away right in front of him. And he’d overreacted it. He had some bizarre emotional response that was all wrapped up in his mother’s death. He’d made a fool of himself in front of Thomas. And he was worried about Sally, herself, he owed her — more than realized given the reactions to his face being all over the tabloids. Thanks to her. 

Which meant he couldn’t keep ignoring her text messages. He sighed and continued stripping down. Shivering a bit as colder air hit his heated skin. The door to room came barreling open and Ethel Parks stopped short right in front of him. She stared at his chest. He smirked at her. “Come for a show? I’m not cheap, Ethel,” he joked.

Ethel humphed at him. “No, I forgot to give you this.”

“What?”

She held out a card. 

“What is it?” he grabbed it. 

“Not sure, guy wrote something on the back of it.”

Jimmy turned the card over and frowned. It was a number. He turned it back around and read the name of the card. It was for some guy who worked at law firm. He turned it back over. “What the hell is this?” he said to her again.

“He was hot,” Ethel said.

“So?”

“So, he said to give it to you and tell you to call him.”

Jimmy spluttered. 

“I think you should he was hot.”

Jimmy handed the card back over to her. “You call him then.”

“He didn’t give it to me.”

“Why would I call a stranger.”

“Well, I was supposed to point you out to him. I just got distracted.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well, his loss I guess.”

“You don’t trust me taste?”

“Ethel, I don’t know you. Or him and I don’t…”

“Don’t what?”

“Do men.”

“But you aren’t straight, right?”

“What?” Jimmy blanched. 

“Well, I mean, I saw the picture of you and Thomas Barrow. How do you know him, anyway? I’ve seen him a time or two here, but he’s always so aloof and stand offish.”

“What pictures?”

“Oh,” she hurried to a locker and yanked it open. “There are these…” she handed him a paper. It was turned to the column about Mary Crawley’s birthday. Pictures of the night emblazoned everywhere. “See, right there…”

He looked down and saw him and Thomas standing side by side, but glancing at each other. He held a drink and Thomas had his phone out. But they were obviously talking. But that was it. They both looked great sure, but there was nothing in the picture for Ethel to be jumping to the conclusions she was implying.   
“Keep going to the left, then down,” Ethel prompted.

Jimmy moved his eyes. In the next shot they were grinning at each other. The third Jimmy was nudging into Thomas’s shoulder. The last one Jimmy was walking away but he was glancing back at Thomas and in a flash of memory Jimmy remembered catching Thomas looking at his ass. 

“Then of course there is the picture at the hospital.”

“What?” Jimmy looked up. 

She thrust another paper at him. “Sara Bunting is my Goddess. She seeks and finds all the best gossip. So, are you like bi and Thomas Barrow’s rebound while the future Duke pretends to be straight?”

Jimmy didn’t hear her. He was staring at him and Thomas. His cheeks burned in embarrassment. Waves of emotions rushed through him and he remembered how scared and lost he was. Half of him was back with his mother, the hospital smells. He felt like he couldn’t breath that was until he found himself crying onto Thomas shoulder. He cried on him. Shit. “Shit..” He muttered. 

“Is it a secret?”

“What?”

“You and Mr. Barrow?”

“We’re friends, that’s all… I was worried about Sally. It’s nothing.”

“It doesn’t look like nothing.”

“It was comfort, geesh, don’t be daft,” Jimmy ran his hands through his hair. “Speaking of, I need to check on Sally.”

“Do you really sleep with her?”

Jimmy nodded.

“But she’s so old.”

Jimmy shook his head and gave Ethel a smug grin. “And she knows things. Get out, unless you want a show.”

Ethel stood where she was.

Jimmy swallowed a sigh, because now he had to give her a show. He wasn’t about to be caught up in a bluff. So he stripped down and Ethel squeaked but didn’t take off before she got a good peek at him. “Stupid,” Jimmy muttered as the door closed behind her. Soon he was in his own jeans, a ratty overly lived in pair and an equally ratty blue t-shirt. 

He grabbed his cellphone and sighed at the all the texts from Sally. He opened the newest, barely read what she said and sent a quick answer. Asking how she was, if he could come over. He knew the answer, he probably could have skipped this part but he didn’t want too. He wanted to think she might say no….

A yes came back within seconds. He was about to text that he was on his way when a text from Daisy came through. He frowned. Daisy never texted him. She usually called him, yelling about something but she never texted him. He opened it up. 

**Daisy: Thomas Barrow wants your number. I’m not giving it to him without your permission.**

He quickly texted her back, telling her to give Thomas his bloody number. It wasn’t like it was classified information and why wouldn’t he want Thomas to have it. It was fucking Thomas. He grinned when a text from an unknown number appeared. 

**Thomas: Jimmy, we need to discuss Sara Bunting.**

Sara Bunting, Jimmy frowned. Hadn’t he just heard that name. Or right, Ethel and her stupid tabloids. The hug. Ugh. Jimmy wanted to forget that ever happened. He did not want to talk about crying on Thomas because he wanted to avoid why he’d cried on the man. 

**Jimmy: Saw it. No big deal.**

**Thomas: Did you read the article?**

**Jimmy: No. Ethel just showed me, nattered on about you and me. Barely listened.**

**Thomas: Who? Is she trustworthy? Well, the story is implying a quadrangle with you, me, Philip and Mary.**

Jimmy frowned, memories of Thomas stopping someone else from reporting that exact story. Storyline more like it. Jimmy cracked his neck, feeling very uncomfortable suddenly. He stared at the phone and frowned. 

**Jimmy: Didn’t you stop that?**

**Thomas: Yeah.. I did. Different gossip bitch. I should’ve been more careful in the waiting room.**

Jimmy’s cheeks burned. That was all his fault. 

**Jimmy: You can fix it right? Or it’ll blow over?**

**Thomas: I’m fixing it. But be careful, and avoid Sara Bunting. Here is a picture. But don’t trust anyone.**

Jimmy looked at a picture of a woman with the smuggest face he’d ever seen. Even worse than the dick’s. He was amazed, and instantly hated her, which he didn’t feel bad about at all. She was making up lies. No way she missed why they were hugging. Her or whoever took the damn picture. It was obvious he’d been a bit out of his mind about the situation. They had to notice it wasn’t about anything other than him losing his mind. 

Emotion slammed him. Thinking about it. The fear, the memories of his mother. Embarrassment from behaving that way with Thomas. Damn it, he was thinking about his mother again. He couldn’t do that. Not in public, not on the way to Anstruther. He clenched his jaw, texted Thomas a thanks and pulled up his music, shoved his earbuds into his ears, letting music drown out all his thoughts. 

~~~

“It’s 2 in the morning, I better be here for good scoop.” 

Thomas looked up from his desk. The sight of Sara Bunting making him grimace. He didn’t stand up. 

“Do, I get a hello?”

“Hospital waiting rooms, Sara? Really?”

“Sally Anstruther collapsed on her latest boytoys arm. Of course I was there.”

“So it was you,” Thomas spat.

“I thought, I see if the boy toy was a dick or if had a heart. I mean he’s beautiful and he’s good for sales too, by the way.”

Thomas rolled his eyes. 

“Of course, so are you. Tall Dark and Aloof Thomas Barrow.”

“Have you copyrighted that yet?”

She gave him a toothy grin. 

“Undo it.”

“What?”

“Disentangle Jimmy, from me, Philip and Mary.”

Sara’s eyebrows rose. 

“He’s a kid, Sara. With a great face. He’s using Anstruther as much as that woman is using him. But he is not caught up in the drama of Philip’s love life.”

“You mean your love life.”

“No, Philip’s.”

Sara cackled. “Are you going to tell sell to me he’s truly with Mary?”

“Whose apartment did he sleep at last night?” Thomas asked and threw a paper that was on his desk at her. She caught and looked at the picture. It was a photograph of a hungover Philip leaving Mary’s apartment. 

“Oh, please, he practically posed for this…”

“Like you care if its real or fake.”

“I like it real. That embrace was real.”

“That was me comforting a friend.”

“A friend?”

Thomas sighed. “Disentangle him, Sara.”

“Just mark him as handsome boy toy who fancies himself the next Mick Jagger?”

“Yes.”

“And what will you DO for me, Barrow?”

“Play up the triangle all you want, Bunting. I’ll somewhat cooperate.”

“Why?” She asked. 

“Why?” Thomas echoed.

“Why does it matter, so he’s in the mess that is your love life. Big whoop. It sells.”

“But he’s not.”

“And the truth is fluid, so what?”

“Just do it, Sara. I’ll even give you quotes.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Fine. Give me something good on Philip, something actually real and not that abysmal lie O’Brien made up… and I’ll think about it.”

“No, you’ll do it. Leave Jimmy out of it.”

“You want this way too much… how much money could I take you for right now?”

Thomas sighed. 

“I know you paid her, you paid O’Brien off… she had grade A photos of you and and him, you know.”

“What?”

“This is juicy. Too juicy. Nope. I think I’ll do what I want. Bye, Thomas.”

Thomas watched her leave with his mouth dropped open. He blinked. Then he sprinted after her. Catching up with her at the elevator, she laughed at him and he scowled. 

“You just ran after me? Oh, this is interesting. Just who is Jimmy Kent, Thomas? That you are jumping to protect him from little old me?”

“Sara…”

“See, you know what I think. I think he REALLY is tied up with you, and Philip. And the whole thing with the Crawley’s. And you know how I like that big dollop of truth in with my lies. That’s why that hug was just too amazing not to print, even though Sarah had told me you’d probably pay me to bury it.”

“Just leave him out of it… how much do you want?” 

“I have made this clear, I know you’re just being stubborn for prideful reasons now. He’s on the table, Thomas. I’m not taking him off of it.” She stepped onto the elevator and all he could do was glare at her until the doors closed.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter than usual here.... it just has a natural end to the moment. Didn't want to mess with it. Hope you like <3

Thomas stood there at the elevator. Staring at the mirrored surface of it and not at all seeing his own reflection. He was pissed off, irritation hummed in his veins and he had no where to fucking put it. His fingers twitched against his pants and he turned around and stalked down the hall to his office. He pushed the door open to hard, he winced as the back of the door hit the wall. But forgot about it quickly enough as he pulled opened a drawer on his desk. He pulled out the water bottles, just tossed them to the side, letting them roll in every direction. He pushed deep into the bottom and back of the drawer and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. His old favorite lighter attached to the pack with a rubber band. 

He broke the rubber band and flipped the lighter on testing it. It lit up easily, as if it hadn’t been hidden away the better part of the year. Even just the smell of the fumes and fire made his eyes fall close and he breathed in a easier breath. He opened the package and pulled out a cigarette. Then he put to his mouth and inhaled deeply. Years and years of smoking returned to him that brief blink and his only wish was it wasn’t older stale cigarette but something fresher. Newer. He’d buy some. This was good, this was working, the anger that was humming in his veins was slowing down and sliding over him. 

He blew out of his nose and mouth, pretending he was blowing it into Bunting’s smug face. He rolled his eyes as he thought of her and how he let her get to him. He wanted to keep Jimmy out Philip and his fucking mess of a life,was that really so odd? He couldn’t save the kid from Anstruther, or himself, Thomas thought… 

Remembering how before the hospital, before Thomas had held him for comfort, they’d stood together in this room and Jimmy had fucked him with his eyes. It was that he’d paid off O’Brien for and tried tonight with Bunting. What was it with women named Sara(h)? He inhaled and tipped his head back and sighed. It was the right thing, right? He thought, wanting to protect Jimmy from this. From tabloids figuring things out and telling the world before he even tells himself? Has he told himself?

Thomas couldn’t tell, it was hard to get out of his own thoughts of lust when he was staring at Jimmy. Was it really just a day ago? Now? So much had happened. He got up and walked to his liquor cabinet and pulled out a glass he filled it up with scotch and then downed it. 

His phone rang. He groaned, expecting it to be Philip. The last thing he wanted to deal with was Philip’s unreasonable reaction to Bunting’s article. It meant nothing, like the woman said herself… big whoop. He wasn’t going to feel guilty about offering comfort. If he was going to feel guilty about anything it’d been wishing he’d crossed the room and made Jimmy live up to the promises in his eyes. 

Thomas grabbed his phone and answered without looking. “I’m not fucking you tonight,” he said putting all his irritation into his voice. 

“Uh… Thomas?”

He was in the middle of taking a drag off the cigarette when Jimmy’s voice hit his ears. He coughed, eyes tearing up and said with a broken voice. “Jimmy?” 

“Am I interrupting a phone sex appointment?”

Thomas grabbed one of the wild bottles of water that were now on his floor and popped one open. “You’re not.”

“No?”

“You sound disappointed.”

“Well, the dick strikes me as the sort who wouldn’t want to be interrupted… so that’s a win for me.”

Thomas shook his head. 

“So, um… Anstruther gave me an earful on Bunting.”

Thomas stubbed out the cigarette on a coaster, and grabbed the pack to light another one. “Good or bad?”

“I think she likes her.”

“She would.”

“Told me not to worry…” Jimmy sounded worried to Thomas.

“I couldn’t fix it, Jimmy,” he said, softly, guilt curling around him and he didn’t like it. 

“No?”

Thomas inhaled on the cigarette. “Thing is, she hates me… and in a weird way she has scruples.”

“She’s a gossip reporter?”

“Who likes truth with her lies.”

“That sounds stupid.”

“Best lies always have a hint of truth.”

“So, what, people are going to think we’re a thing?”

“No.”

“Are you sure, cause, I’m looking at the article.”

“Come to the club tomorrow, I have a plan… kind of, it’s slowing coming to me.” Thomas started to grin, he did always think better when he smoked. “The bitch doesn’t get to narrate the story.”

“We do?”

“We try.”

“I just…” Jimmy paused and Thomas heard a door open and shut. “Okay, the thing is that I just don’t… want certain things… I can’t…” Jimmy let out a small growl. “Thom…”

“I know,” Thomas said cutting Jimmy off.

“What?”

Thomas pulled the cigarette from his mouth and licked his lips. “I know.”

He heard a thump of something on the other end of the line. 

“Jimmy?”

“Sorry, hit my head too hard on the wall.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” 

“It is, I’m plotting,” Thomas sat down in his chair and picked up his lighter. He fiddled with it with his hand as he smoked. “I was pissed, when you called, but I’m calmer now.”

“How you manage that.”

“Smoke.”

“What?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Thomas shook his head. “She’ll print what she wants, but we do have some control over what she sees. I’ll put on the guest list for Saturday.”

“Seriously?”

“Come with Anstruther, bring your roommates, whatever. But we’ll put on a show.”

Jimmy chuckled. 

“What?”

“Is anything real?”

“It’s all real, Jimmy.”

“Was liking it, you know? All these rich chicks were at the restaurant, flirting with me, asking about music and the club. I was getting great tips and I mean I looked good.”

Thomas smirked. 

“You’re nodding, right? Right?”

“Of course,” Thomas laughed. 

“You’re hot for me.”

“It’s mutual…” Thomas shook his head, only realizing it after the words left his mouth. The other end stayed silent, Thomas held smoke in his lungs afraid to breathe. He wasn’t sure what was in Jimmy’s head about it all, all he knew was that joke was too soon. 

“You really do know, don’t you,” Jimmy whispered. 

“Yeah.”

“It’s… complicated.”

“You don’t owe me an explanation.”

“No.”

“So… I guess I’m tabloid fodder now?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, fuck the Dick. This article is what he was screaming about this morning.”

“Wait? You talked to Philip about this?”

“He showed up to your place, yelling. I told him to fuck off.”

The irritation was back in his veins and he quickly smoked a good lungful and thought he really needed to buy a newer pack. Sybil was going to kill him but he didn’t care. He exhaled on a long sigh. “He’s drama queen.”

“He’s an arse.”

Thomas chuckled. 

“I’m… I gotta go.” 

Thomas tried to ignore the stab of disappointment. “If I don’t see you around, see you Saturday.”

“Yeah…but, I mean, I’ll be around.”

“I have a weird schedule.”

“Right.”

They fell silent. 

“I really gotta…”

“Bye, Jimmy.”

He finished the second cigarette before he heard a soft click. Five minutes later the phone lit up again, Philip’s name across the screen. Thomas watched it until it dimmed.


	16. Chapter 16

Thomas wasn't awake. His alarm went off at nine in the morning. He snoozed it twice. Having stayed at Betwixt until somewhere around five in the morning. He was tired but he couldn't stay in bed, as tempting as it was with his soft sheets and fluffy pillows. He had classes, a meeting with his professor and work. There was also avoiding Philip. He'd scheduled that in. Thomas yawned as shut off the alarm clock for the third and final time. He sat up in the bed and licked his lips. Was definitely brushing his teeth first, as soon as he managed to stand up. He let another yawn take over his whole body and was in the middle of it when he heard metal clattering against itself. 

He shot to his feet, heart in his throat. Maybe he dreamed it, he was half asleep. But then there was more and the muffled sound of a voice. Cursing? Thomas frowned and grabbed the cricket bat he had his door. He stepped into the hallway and glanced at Sybil's door. It was partially open and he saw her in her bed, and arm and her leg hanging over the edge. Typical Sybil. 

Clang. "Fuck."

Thomas narrowed his eyes and walked the rest of the way down and then took the corner that led him to the galley kitchen. And in a pair of purple boxer shorts and nothing else, Tom Branson was in his kitchen with pots and pans all over the floor, trying to put them back into the cupboard. 

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Thomas said. 

Branson turned toward him and his eyes widened comically. "What are you doing here?"

"What am I…" Thomas ground out the arm holding his cricket bat swinging forward. "I live here. What' the hell are you doing here?"

"Sybil?" Branson said sounding unsure.

Thomas closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I would think you'd know and I didn't need that image."

"I was invited" Branson said pointing at the bat. 

"Not by me." Thomas put the bat against the wall and looked at the floor of his kitchen. 

"I just wanted a pan to make some eggs…" Branson explained. "Sybil said it would be okay…"

Thomas rolled his eyes and walked over. Grabbed the pan Branson wanted and put it on the stove. "There. Cook." 

"Uh, thanks."

Thomas ignored him and started putting the rest of the pans away in the cupboard, questioning everything he knew about Sybil. Because really, Tom Branson. They talked, Thomas seen them, but he'd thought nothing about it. Sybil was painfully nice and Branson was of course attracted to her. Everyone was in one way or another with Sybil, Thomas supposed. But this. She brought him home? He wrinkled his nose and stood up. 

Branson glanced at him from where he stood, cooking eggs. In Thomas' kitchen. Thomas sighed. 

"So, you live with Sybil?"

"Obviously."

"So, you two are… actually close?"

"Yes, we're actually close," Thomas snapped as he walked to the coffeemaker. 

"I just thought you just knew her through Edith."

Thomas rolled his eyes. "If you must know, I've known Sybil for years."

"Really?"

Thomas glared at him. 

"Not a morning person, noted."

Noted? Thomas groaned realizing Branson was planning to make a habit of annoying his mornings. Lovely. Just perfect. Thomas walked over to where he'd tossed his suit jacket just mere hours ago and pulled out the pack of cigarettes he picked up from a gas station on his way home. He pulled out cigarette, his lighter and walked over to the windows. Quickly opened one and pushed up the screen.

"You smoke?" 

"Is stating the obvious your superpower?"

Branson muttered something under his breath and Thomas decided it was a good thing he couldn't make it out. Thomas inhaled nicotine and closed his eyes. When he opened them he focused on the sky outside. It was still rosy from the sunrise, a scattering of clouds and it looked like it might be a nice day. Despite the fact his irritation level was already at maximum.  
Then as if on cue his cellphone rang. It sounded loud coming out of the pocket of his suit jacket. He got, leaving his cigarette in his mouth and looked at Philip's name on the screen. He looked from it, to his unwanted guest and rolled his eyes. "Philip, what the fuck are you calling me this early?"

"I've been trying to call you for hours."

"Was busy."

"Doing what?"

"Work. Sleep."

"You sound awake."

"Is everything a fight?"

"You're the one who answered the phone with attitude, sweetheart."

Thomas sighed. 

"We need to discuss Bunting's…"

"No we don't."

"Yes, we do…"

"No. It's a non-issue."

"He has his bloody hands all over you," Philip spat out. 

"He was crying Philip. People with actual feelings about things do that. He was drunk and freaked out. I hugged him."

"You don't hug."

"As a rule," Thomas sighed. 

"He's some exception? You expect me to okay with that?"

"I was okay with you and Mary practically fucking on the dance floor." 

"We weren't that bad."

"Please, Philip, it was x-rated."

"It was agreed on."

"And that makes it okay?"

"I don't like him."

"Well, that's mutual," Thomas laughed, a smile gracing his features. 

"Get him to stop calling me Dick."

Thomas shook his head. 

"We need to dsicuss him."

"No, we really don't… besides since we can't stop what has already happened. Him and I having some sort of public relationship plays well for your little ruse with Mary." 

"You want the world to think you'r rebounding with an Anstruther boy toy, who is in denial?"

"No. Was thinking something along the lines, of I'm fed the fuck up with men -- a.k.a. YOU and am seeking solace in the company of my friend."

"Friend?"

"It's the truth. He is Anstruther's newest toy. Did you see the press he got?"

"Bunting…"

"Besides Bunting."

"Did you? More than one picture of the two of you, you know."

"When did you get jealous exactly?"

"I've always been jealous."

Thomas snorted and stubbed out the cigarette in an empty glass that'd been left on the coffee table. He needed to find his ashtrays. He pulled out another one and lit it. 

"I want to see you today."

Thomas sighed. 

"We've been fighting for days. Could we just… do something toegther and play nice."

"Drop it, then."

"Drop it… what worrying about that kid having his hands…"

"Yes."

"Thomas, he wants you."

"And I want him," Thomas said. "He's hot. So what? I'm not going to anything with him."

"Don't make this about trust."

"Isn't it?" Thomas asked. 

Philip was quiet on the other end of the line. Thomas smoked and his eyes fell to the kitchen, where Branson was washing the pan and the dishes he'd used. Well at least he was tidy, Thomas thought. He hoped he was enjoying the show, Thomas was giving him. 

"Fine," Philip's voice hissed in his ear. "I trust you."

Thomas let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "I can do a quick dinner before work. Around 7, less than an hour."

"Okay, maybe I can stay around?"

"Maybe" Thomas said. "No, promises, only if it seems wise. We're supposed to be broken up"

"It's a messy break up," Philip said. "Understood."

"Understood," Thomas said and he hung up and saw Branson shaking his head. "What?"

"I don't get it. All the lying. The games. The tabloids. I mean who cares about who is dating who."

"Everyone. The Aristocracy is status."

"It's pretentious."

"Perhaps, but it'll help me get what I want."

"With Philip?"

Thomas rolled his eyes. "No."

"I don't understand."

"Ask Sybil, she does," Thomas snapped. 

"She hates the games," Branson argued. 

"Doesn't mean she doesn't know how to play." Thomas walked up to the coffeemaker, poured himself a coffee. He gave Branson a curt nod. "Lock the door behind you when you leave," he said before disappearing back into his bedroom. 

~~~  
Thomas leaned against his car on the university campus parking lot and lit a cigarette. It was nice out, as the sky had promised in the morning. Thomas’ mood however was the same. His classes were boring, his professors were stupid and he couldn’t wait to earn his last few credits. He thought about his degree and he thought about the nightclub. He’d been slacking off and that had to stop. He needed to network, he needed to make sure every single guest at the club had an A+ experience. There was PR and advertising to focus on, he needed to read and reread the latest magazines. Keeping up with all the trends was vital to his job, despite the fact he could less about it all. Music, fashion, hair cuts, social media… 

But his liking it didn’t matter, what mattered as he knew how to use everything for his own gain. He wasn’t going to be working for Edith Crawley for the rest of his life. He would own his club, clubs, he would run his own business. He would be his own boss and he would have his own notoriety. His name would no longer be an appendage to the name Crawley or to Philip’s. 

He was letting Philip distract him. The game with Mary. Despite that he was in on it the creation of it. He was meant to keep his head down, put up with his boyfriend dating someone else until Philip’s father decided to back off trying to marry his son off. Thomas slid into his car and stubbed out the cigarette in his ashtray, a voice in his head telling him that someday Philip would marry a woman. He tried to shake it off, but there were times when Philip would say something that made sound like at some point he would find a woman he could stand to marry. 

He wanted the title. He wanted his full inheritence. He loved the attention. He loved the perks and rewards. Philip loved being someone. It was something they had in common. Ambition, confidence, smugness. Thomas believed Philip when he told him, he wanted Thomas in his life. That Thomas was his…

The possession felt oddly chafing lately. They’d worked out past problems, or so Thomas had thought. Until Philip decided Jimmy was a threat. Philip’s claims he’d always been jealous. But Thomas didn’t recall that, he recalled his own jealousy. His own worry that Philip was sleeping with that guy or that other guy. And he had been. With both guys. Philip standing him up, Philip never understanding that Thomas had to work, that he wasn’t just handed money. Philip unable to understand that when Thomas had stood up to his own father, he’d lost all the family he had. But they worked it all out, they had a system. Their own issues were Philip’s family problems. 

If Philip and Mary stayed ‘together’ long enough, his father would back off. He’d believe Philip’s promising of settling down and getting married when the time came. Whatever that was, the plan was to just make the Duke of Crowborough it that time would happen, but not say when. Never say when. Luckily, Mary always was rebelling against pressure to marry and have a heir. Thomas wasn’t sure Mary’s reasons, but he thought it had to do with her not being willing to settle. He had a feeling Mary Crawley would only marry for true love. 

He snorted, plugged his phone into the charge and opened it on speaker. Soon Philip’s phone was ringing. After a few Thomas thought he wasn’t going to answer him. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or pissed off, since Philip begged him to have dinner with him practically. 

“Thomas?”

“I’m good for dinner, now, if you want to meet earlier.”

“Your office?”

“Safest place. I’ll pick up something.”

“No, no, I had Zelda make us something.”

“You didn’t have to…” Thomas was surprised, Zelda was Philip’s family chef and Philip knew how much Thomas loved her cooking. 

“I had her make your favorites. I do want to make peace, sweetheart.”

“I believe you,” Thomas said and he clutched the steering wheel tighter. Irritation sliding up his neck and unsettled feeling in his gut. He should be happy about this. He should be happy they are maybe going to stop fighting every single time one of the open their mouths. What was the problem? This was what he wanted.


	17. Chapter 17

The kiss was careful at first. After all the last time they’d been together hadn’t been about sentiment. It’d been about anger and the risk of getting caught. It’d been both of them proving a point to themselves and each other. This was different. This was wanting to stop fighting, this was behind closed doors. Thomas first thought was that Philip tasted like salmon, their dinner, which he didn’t mind in the least. Zelda was good cook, though thinking about a sixty year old woman with purple hair wasn’t really what should be flitting through his mind. 

“Stop,” Philip whispered against his lip, his lips brushing Thomas’ as he spoke. Sending a bit of a shiver down Thomas’s spine before he slipped his tongue into Thomas’ mouth. 

Thomas slid his own against Philip’s. The kiss deepened and Thomas laughed when the fell into his chair, Philip straddling his lap. The chair creaked under them and Thomas hoped it wouldn’t break, and let himself get caught up in the kiss. The pressure, the feeling of Philip’s body — known, comfortable and yeah, Philip knew just how to touch him. 

The broke apart and Philip nearly toppled off the chair when Thomas sat up straighter. He gracefully — somehow — managed to slide backward and he sat on Thomas’ desk and pulled the chair all the up to it. Leaning down he kissed Thomas again and they kissed longer. Thomas pulled away for a breath and Philip followed him. Philip kept his hand on Thomas’ neck and grinned down at him. One of his rare real smiles, it was less smug and it was sincere. Thomas realized he hadn’t seen it in a long time. 

“Hi,” he said. 

Philip gave him an odd look. “I think we went far past hello, already.”

Thomas rolled his eyes and grabbed Philip’s other hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed his knuckles as he spoke. “Haven’t kissed like that in awhile.”

“No, we haven’t,” Philip’s eyes followed Thomas’ mouth. 

“We need to make more time…” Thomas said and frowned. His time with Philip was complicated right now. 

“Don’t make that face.”

“I’m allowed to dislike the situation.”

“Of course, of course… about the situation,” Philip said and winced.

Thomas tensed. 

“We’ve never talked about the plan Mary and worked out.”

Thomas nodded. 

Philip caressed his cheekbone with his thumb, then dropped his hand and gently extracted his hand from Thomas’. Thomas followed the motions and tried to loosen his shoulders. “You’re going to be angry… and as you’ve been so angry lately, is the real reason I’ve been putting it all off.”

“I see.”

“I want us, Thomas. I need us, you are the only peace I have.”

Thomas wasn’t sure he believed that but then lately they’d been nothing close to peaceful. He knew that took both of them.  
“I will try…not to make a fuss about Jimmy.”

“Jimmy isn’t…”

Philip held up his hand. 

Thomas stopped talking. 

“I will try,” he repeated. “So, I need you to keep an open mind.”

Thomas sighed. “Fine. What is it? Two months instead of one?”

“That’s the thing… Six months.”

His mouth dropped open and he stood up. “What?”

“Well, Mary and I started talking about how our both our fathers have marriage and heirs in their heads 24/7… How important the titles are and our inheritances. But how we want our own lives. We both thought if maybe they saw us trying, really seriously trying, they would stay backed off longer once the relationship ended.”

“Six months, Philip? That’s half a year!”

Philip held up his hand again.

“Philip!”

“You can’t get angry yet, there are more details.”

Thomas huffed and motioned for Philip to continue.

“In three months I will propose. We’ll set a date three months from then. We’ll plan the wedding.”

“THE FUCK.”

“I know, I know and I told Mary you would never agree to this…”

“But?”

“But, that I would get you too.”

“Really?” Thomas snapped. 

“This plan is to get my father to back off. He won’t if Mary and I just dally about, Thomas. A swallow doesn’t make a summer. We have to sell it, we do this right and he won’t bother me for a year or more. I’m sure of it and so is Mary.”

“Mary doesn’t have a boyfriend.”

“Well, technically she…”

“Now is not the time to be smart ass.”

“You’re angry.”

Thomas glared at him and pushed his hand into his pants and pulled out the pack of cigarettes. 

“You’re smoking?”

“You’re going to propose to Mary Crawley.”

“Fair point.”

Thomas lit the cigarette and walked away from Philip. He didn’t want to look at him. Dinner had gone better than he hoped and now this. “Just how am fitting into this?”

“I thought that around the time of the engagement, we could publicly make up. Become friends again.”

“Be the best man?” Thomas stared at him in horror. 

“It fits. You’ve always been my best friend, Thomas. All our ons and offs. Well, maybe not the last off. But we were friends first, all those years ago.”

Thomas nodded.

“You hate it, I know.”

Thomas nodded.

Philip stepped up to him and put his hands on Thomas’ hips. “But, you do the sense of it. You’re the most pragmatic man I know. You were in favor of Mary, it was a good idea. This, this is the best plan.” 

Thomas groaned, his brain catching up to it all and telling him it was a good plan. On paper. It fit. It matched. His father was relentless, Philip only shutting him for weeks, maybe a month, at a time. He knew Lord Grantham was worse with Mary, from the way Sybil told it.  
“You’re seeing it.”

“I see it.”

“Don’t be mad.”

“Oh, no. I’m going to be mad. It’s how it should work. And just so you know, I will be turning to my friend Jimmy in my anger at you.”

Philip tensed. 

“Think about it, Philip,” Thomas said. “We got caught hugging, while he was in pain. He’s going to continue being around, he’s new, it gets attention. It gives me a place to hide, so I’m not just rudely saying no comment and scowling at you and Mary.”

It was Philip’s turn to make a face and he groaned. “Fine. I hate him.”

“I know,” Thomas said with a smile.

“And so it shall be my punishment.”

Thomas nodded. 

“So, we have a deal?” 

Thomas nodded.

“So, can we do have moments simply enjoy them?”

“Seems to be a good plan.”

“Good.” Philip yanked Thomas hips against his own and kissed him hard. Thomas opened his mouth to it and let Philip plunder his mouth. They broke apart breathing harshly and Philipe whined. “Skip work.”

“No.” Thomas grinned at him smugly. “Get out. Don’t you have a girlfriend,” he said playfully. 

“You’re right, I’m to find her upstairs,” Philip sighed and picked up the black canvas bag with the containers from their dinner. “If I forget this bag, Zelda will kill me. Better take it to the car.”

Thomas laughed. 

“Tonight was nice,” Philips said as he walked through the door and closed it behind him. 

Thomas stood where he was and stared at the closed door. It was nice. Which had surprised him, he was sure they’d end up arguing two seconds into the dinner. Yet they hadn’t, though they avoided everything that may have caused a fight. Talking about their days, or mostly Thomas talked about his day. Philip played it smart, making sure they were in a good place before bringing up the full details of the plan. 

It was asinine, the plan. Crazy. Yet. Thomas thought it might work and he never was happy with the idea, but he was behind the idea. Supportive. He liked Mary, in a way, though they were far from close. Because Mary cared about the status quo of things, she cared about how things worked and how they looked. No. Thomas was below her. But she wasn’t in this to hurt him. She was in the same boat, almost, as Philip. It was harder on her, really, her being a woman. Lord Grantham was worried about where his title was going to go.  
Thomas sighed. He hated it. He did. He lit another cigarette. 

~~~

Jimmy blinked when he walked into Anstruther’s bedroom. A man was standing in the middle of it. He was dressed, which relieved Jimmy. He was hotter than hell however and that made things inside of Jimmy squirm uncomfortably. 

“Who are you?” 

“Kemal.”

“Kemal?” repeated. 

“Yes.”

Jimmy looked around for Sally, feeling worried. She wasn’t tired with him already was she? Who was this guy? Why as he here? “What are you here for?”

“Heard about Sally’s recent troubles and thought I’d see how she was.”

“And she invited you up did she?”

“Of course,” he said pompously. “She’s getting something for me.”

She’s giving him things? Jimmy felt angry, he was not getting tossed aside. Not yet, he didn’t care what he had to do to make sure of that. He wasn’t done using her. She better not be done using him. 

“Oh, Jimmy,” her voice was loud. She beelined right for him and kissed him soundly, all tongue and too much saliva but he went with it. Giving her as good as he got. She pulled away from him and grinned. “Have you and Kemal been getting along?”

“Sure,” he lied. 

“Now, I am sure this is yours, Kemal,” she said and handed the man a very expensive and really amazing looking black leather jacket. 

“I believe it is,” he said taking it and putting it on. Jimmy made himself look away, this asshole was too beautiful. This was not what he needed. Sally walked up to him and straightened the lapels. “Ah, yes. Jimmy, sweetheart, you won’t mind if Kemal plays with us tonight?”

Jimmy swallowed. 

“I’m promise, he’s a good time.” She leered at him as she spoke and Kemal sent him a smug smirk and Jimmy realized he was trying to back in with Anstruther. He frowned and wondered just why this guy needed her? Maybe he was nothing but his outside paint job. 

“I’m better,” Jimmy said, he wasn’t letting this dick win. 

“We’ll see,” Kemal said.

“We will.” 

“Oh, boys, do play nice. You’re both beautiful… Now what should Jimmy wear?”

Jimmy looked down. He’d put on one of the more expensive shirts she’d given him and a pair of skinny jeans that been ripped artistically. “This?”

“No, no, not with Kemal in that jacket…” Sally shook her head. “You need leather too. I know just the pants,” she grinned. “I bought a bunch of things the other day, shopping is so relaxing. Yes, those leather pants will do… and silk blue shirt, I think.”

He watched her walk out of her room, his eyes flew back to Kemal. “So, where’ve you been? Never seen you around before.”

“Been back home in Turkey.”

“You’re from Turkey?”

“Son of an Ambassador. Who are you?”

“Jimmy Kent.”

“Of? Who is your family?” He asked with smug smirk, which instantly reminded Jimmy of the Dick of Crowborough. 

“Kent.”

“Oh, so you’re a true nobody. No wonder you’ve attached yourself to her hip.”

“Well, if she’s not good enough for a no one, what are you doing here?”

“Touchy. I’ve always enjoyed Sally’s appetites.”

Jimmy scowled and realized he was going to have to watch Sally touch and kiss this man. Which made him shudder and blush all at once. He looked away. “Just remember, I’m the current the favorite.”

“For now.”

“Oh, until I decide I’m not,” Jimmy snapped. It was going to be along night, he should have said no, he had to work the night shift tomorrow. But Sally had begged him and begged him. He couldn’t say no, he found, especially when she pointed out she hadn’t been out since the hospital. 

She walked back into the room and up to him. “Now take that off,” she said and went to grab his shirt. He allowed her to pull it off, which meant that she went for his jeans too. Soon he was in boxer briefs and he glanced at Kemal and was certain he saw the guy look disgruntled at the sight of his abs. He sent Kemal a smug grin. 

Soon he was in black leather pants — though not before Sally groped his ass — and silk shirt that Sally insisted he left half of the buttons undone on. She then dragged him to her bathroom. “Now your hair…”

Kemal laughed.

“Oh, Kemal, my love you’re next. I will be the best accessorized woman at Betwixt tonight. ” she laughed. 

“Betwixt?” Jimmy asked unsure if he was happy or not about that. 

“It is the place to be, don’t you know anything?” Kemal asked.

“I know.”

“Now, now, boys behave. Yes, I must go back to the scene of the crime, Jimmy.”

“Of course. I just… never mind.” Jimmy said because he didn’t really know what his problem was about the where. It meant he’d see Thomas but maybe that was the problem. He wanted it. 

“That tickles,” Kemal laughed. 

“Oh, I had forgotten that,” Sally said as she ran her hand across Kemal’s lower stomach again. 

Jimmy found himself watching the way the man moved. He could see his stomach muscles contract under the tight white shirt he had on under the jacket. He was fucking fine and Jimmy closed his eyes. It was going to be a long and annoying night.


	18. Chapter 18

He was drunk and he could see Sally’s mouth moving but he couldn’t understand a thing she was saying. It was like she was on mute and it made him giggle. So he laughed whenever he saw her pause. She shook her head at him but then her head threw back and she was laughing too. She turned and started heading off the dance floor. He frowned. He wanted to dance, all the music tonight was a lot of drums and baselines. It was all flowing through his body, the music was in his blood and he wanted to move. 

Kemal was a half step in front of him when they reached the couch, Sally been heading toward. She waved them over to her and the music wasn’t quite as loud now and when she spoke Jimmy heard the words. 

“Now boys, I’m on doctor’s orders to behave… which I’m doing, though it’s a loose definition. Now, I want to see you two having fun out there. But remember, I am who you are going home with.”

Kemal bent down, took her hand and kissed it. Jimmy side eyed him, pretentious douche, he thought. He winked at Sally and then made his way over to bar. He elbowed himself in and leaned agains the surface. He caught the eye a blonde with great breasts. Shit. He stared at them. “What can I get you, gorgeous?” she asked. 

“Globes,” he lifted his eyes up and grinned. “The pink one.”

“The pink one, well then, you’re a partier.” 

“Are you?” A man said from next to him. 

Jimmy looked at him and all he could see was that his mustache was very unevenly groomed. Who let him out looking like that? He’d be okay looking if his mustache wasn’t a disaster. He had great eyes, Jimmy thought, they were light blue. He liked light eyes. “Yeah.”

“Here, this will perk your party up to amazing levels and the guy held out his hand and there was a pill on his palm. 

“What is it?”

“Fun,” the guy said. 

“Here you go,” the bartender said and gave the price.

“It’s on Anstruther,” he told her grabbing the drink and the on a whim, he grabbed the pill. “Why not,” he winked at the guy and pushed his way to the edge of the dance floor. He looked at the pill, it was small, and if it was fun, why not… Fun was his only goal for he night, he’d do anything to achieve it and to enjoy spending another one of his nights as Anstruther’s golden boy. 

He caught sight of Kemal and his smarmy smile, already back on the dance floor, three girls around him. Kemal could move and he had an amazing ass and Jimmy found he could hate the guy even more than he already did. It was wrong he was so damn attractive. Who gave an ass so much beauty? Cause Kemal was an ass, narcissistic douchebag. Jimmy stood where he was and watched the sway of Kemal’s hips. He drank down half of his drink, his eyes watched the way Kemal danced through at least four different partners, the girls, grinding and swaying around him. Wanting all his attention Asshole, Jimmy thought and then realized he was staring at Kemal’s thighs. 

He blinked and shook himself. He looked at his drink, he remembered the pill. So he took the pill and downed the rest of his drink. He found a surface to drop the glass onto and he headed right for where Kemal was dancing. He looked at he women then and picked the prettiest. Who just happened to be the one Kemal was grinding against. But Jimmy, grabbed her hips and spun her around. She looked angry for all of split second but the she saw his face. 

“Oh.” She grinned. 

“Yeah, oh,” Jimmy grinned back and started moving them. He was the better dancer. Kemal was just going to have to keep up with him. 

Pretty soon Jimmy was dancing with a girl in front of him and behind him, as did Kemal. But Jimmy knew he was showing him up, because the guy started to get more grabby with the women rather than really dancing. Soon more girls seemed to come and go from Jimmy’s arms. He was in the groove, moving up and down, swaying, he started singing out the lyrics of the dance mixes his knew. 

He smirked over at Kemal more than once and they’d meet eyes. Kemal was holding his own and that made Jimmy just step up his game. Which was when he realized Kemal was trying to copy him. He watched the other man try to roll his hips the way he was and move around the floor and Jimmy threw back his head and laughed and laughed. 

He was in a haze and lost in the sound. He sang and moved, holding onto one girls hips and then another, trading off with Kemal, girls moving in and out. He thought maybe there was a line and he was in he center of the dance floor. 

The star. 

~~~

Thomas was staring. 

He wasn’t alone. In fact he’d been called up to the floor to see what was going on. He’d walked onto the floor and noticed that dance floor seemed to be mostly people standing. Until he moved through it and saw Jimmy and fucking Kemal Pamuk holding court to a series of women dancing in and out of their arms. 

So, Thomas was staring and not worried at all about anyone seeing the way his eyes moved over Jimmy’s body. Back muscles showing through his sweat soak shirt, the shape of his hips in tight leather pants. And he could move, he was fluid sex on that dance floor and everyone knew it. Kemal was fucking overshadowed and that never happened. Thomas found himself laughing at the thought, of that smarmy douchebag realizing someone was stealing his thunder. It helped to have more than a pretty face, Thomas thought and he let his eyes fall to Jimmy’s ass again, since it swung back into view. 

“Should we stop it?” someone asked him.

He looked to his left and saw one of the cocktail waitresses. “No. Work the crowd for drinks… people will start dancing again when they get bored of watching.” 

She nodded and disappeared. 

Thomas found himself stepping closer and closer. He pushed through a couple of people, but then people made a path for him. He must been recognized and soon there was nothing but a bit of space between him and Jimmy. 

~~~

Everything was a haze but it was beautiful. Jimmy sang or he laughed, whatever he felt like and he spun a pretty brunette around before he grabbed her hips and pulled her ass into his crotch and danced low and dirty. He glanced at Kemal again, his lines were getting less and less fluid. His moves messy, but he was moving and spinning. He looked grim though and it made Jimmy laugh harder. Kemal was hot as hell but he sure couldn’t move like it. If he just loosened his hips more, Jimmy thought. He wasn’t fluid enough and he was losing the beat of the music. 

Jimmy drifted and he was behind the girl, behind Kemal, holding his hips and swaying in unison with the him and the woman Kemal had in front of him. He grabbed the woman, turned to him and danced for a moment, hands on her hips and looking right into brown eyes. He leaned down and whispered into her ear… “Gotta help him out, you think?”

She laughed and nodded. He spun her away toward the the women he’d left behind and grabbed hold of Kemal’s hips. Kemal spun the woman he was dancing around at the same time and she grinned when she saw Jimmy. She moved right in and put her hands over Jimmy’s and the two of them had complete control of Kemal in that split second. 

“Show him!” She yelled. 

Jimmy grinned and spoke right next to Kemal’s ear and spoke smugly. “Feel it and learn it.” 

“Fuck it, Kent,” Kemal gritted out. 

But Jimmy laughed and gripped Kemal’s hips and moved against his back. Damn he was hot, Jimmy thought and started to force him to move his hips like Jimmy was rolling his own. The girl with them was good, and she was following Jimmy’s lead in no time, with Kemal slowing catching up. Then they all just moved and moved and moved. 

Everything seemed to be glowing suddenly and Jimmy smelled Kemal’s cologne and felt the sharp angles against him and he was lost in the movement and singing along with the music. Lost in a perfect haze. Then suddenly the woman spun herself away from them and Jimmy found himself turning to face Kemal and all he saw was Kemal and is fucking perfect face. Hot hot hot and he leaned in and kissed Kemal. 

~~~

Thomas was about to force himself to get back to work, when Jimmy was suddenly dancing with Kemal and a woman. He groaned a little because his hatred of Kemal didn’t include his looks. Jimmy and Kemal were almost disgustingly beautiful together, Kemal was dancing better and Thomas realized he was following Jimmy’s lead. Jimmy was the one in control. Jimmy was the one that had the crowd riveted. It was Jimmy that was the true center of this universe. Thomas couldn’t look away. He stood there frozen like everyone else in the room. He didn’t know if people were drinking. He didn’t know what was happening anywhere else in the club. A voice in his head kept trying to get him to leave, to be a professional and get on with his job. 

But suddenly Jimmy was dancing with Kemal and only Kemal. Thomas knew his eyebrows rose up. He knew Kemal, why the hell was he putting up with this? Maybe was charmed by Jimmy. Too lost under his power. Jimmy was laughing and singing, Thomas felt a flash of jealousy. He wanted to be the man in Jimmy’s arms. He wanted to be moved around on that dance floor, he wanted Jimmy thrusting against him and grinding down to the floor and up again. Hands burning against his hips. Thomas wanted it all. 

He closed his eyes. He had to clear his head. He had to get back to work. He had to remember…. Philip. He groaned at the thought and nodded to himself. Only when he opened his eyes he watched in horror and shock as Jimmy leaned in and kissed Kemal Pamuk. 

~~~

The punch came from nowhere. All Jimmy knew was wild music, the rush of the dance, hard press of muscles and soft lips. But in a blink there was a hand in his face and he was thrown back onto the floor. He blinked, aware his nose was bleeding but in a detached way and stared up at Kemal. 

Kemal was shouting things at him and looming over him, looking ready to hit him again and Jimmy was just trying to figure out what the hell happened. They’d been dancing, competing, Jimmy won and decided to show Kemal what he was missing. They’d been dancing, he’d been singing. Everything was the beautiful haze. It was still a beautiful haze, the air seemed to be glowing and then suddenly Thomas was in front of him. Thomas was glowing too and Jimmy tried to get to his feet only for the world to go sidewise. That wasn’t fair, he thought and he felt Thomas’ hands him. Way better than Kemal’s. 

“You’re glowing.”

“Come on, come with me,” Thomas said. 

“You look to serious, let’s dance,” Jimmy grabbed for his hips. 

Thomas grabbed his hands though and shook his head. “Your nose is bleeding.”

“It’s just blood, I want to dance with you.”

Thomas sighed. 

“You’re being too serious, Thomas, come on let loose with me,” he grinned at Thomas and tried to pull him toward the dance floor. When had they gotten so far away from it, he thought, seconds before the world tipped upside down and the haze went from glowing to black.


	19. Chapter 19

“You’re being too serious, Thomas, come on let loose with me.” Jimmy smiled at him and it was so bright it blinded it Thomas. He felt himself being tugged back toward the dance floor. But refused to move with Jimmy’s tug on his hand, instead moving out of his grip and he gripped Jimmy’s forearm instead. Which was lucky because Jimmy was suddenly deadweight. Thomas gripped his arm hard, pulling and wrapping an arm around Jimmy’s shoulders. Branson appeared and hooked an arm around Jimmy’s waist and the two of them got Jimmy into the elevator in silence. 

Thomas felt Jimmy shift against him and glanced over and met black eyes, his pupils were so dilated. He motioned at Branson to step back and moved to face Jimmy, putting his hands on Jimmy’s hips. Ready to grab him if feel. “What are you on?”

“Music.” Jimmy grinned. “Don’t you feel it? It’s floating like a snowstorm.”

“That’s helpful,” Branson said. 

“Just like you,” Thomas snapped and then felt a bit chagrinned. “I mean, find out who the hell is giving out drugs in the club. Now.”

“That’s… you know how many people are probably on something out there?”

Thomas glared and though he knew it was an impossible goal he shouted out the club policy. “It’s supposed to be a no list.”

“Look at the tapes, Branson. Focus on Jimmy.”

Branson nodded and stepped out of the elevator, unblocking the doors and they closed behind him. Thomas pressed the button and turned his attention back to Jimmy. He was singing, nonsense but it was in key and his voice was low and Thomas wanted to hear it under better circumstances. 

“Dance,” Jimmy whined and put his hands over Thomas’ which were still on his hips. He started to dance and Thomas tried to keep him still, only to have Jimmy plant his hands on Thomas’ chest, push him back into the elevator wall crowd into his space. Jimmy gave him a lazy grin and wrapped one arm loosely around Thomas neck and kept the against his hip in a strong grip. A bossy grip, he started moving and making Thomas move with him. Thomas eyes closed and he groaned. Jimmy huffed a laugh into his ear. 

“Jimmy…” Thomas breathed out instead of sounding firm and in control. 

“Hmmmmmm,” Jimmy hummed into his ear and moved their hips to a beat only Jimmy could hear. “Touch me,” he whined. 

Thomas realized he was touching him. One hand was around Jimmy’s bicep and the other on his shoulder. He tightened his holds on both and tried to push Jimmy away from him. But Jimmy’s hand lifted off his hip to wrap around his waist and moved with the motion keeping the rhythm. They were dancing and Thomas closed his eyes and tried to find the will stop it. Because it felt amazing, his senses were full of Jimmy. Scents and sounds. 

“You’re hot,” Jimmy yelled, the hand around Thomas neck going into his hair a the nape of his neck. Stroking. Thomas would’ve closed his eyes but they were already there. He was afraid to open them. He could feel Jimmy’s breathe on his face. 

“Jimmy…” his voice came out strangled. 

“Hmmmm….hmmmm,” Jimmy hummed and moved them around. Thomas opened his eyes at the lurch of the elevator stopping. The doors slid open behind Jimmy and Thomas pushed hard, shoving them outside of the elevator. 

Jimmy growled up at him and suddenly Thomas was spun around, the brief moment of dominance was gone. Jimmy was seemed to inch even closer into him, the pace slowed and Thomas’ eyes fell to Jimmy’s lips. He felt every point where their bodies touched. It was like fire. It was lightning. He swallowed hard and tried to find the strength stop it. 

“You hear it?” Jimmy asked he leaned up, pushing his cheek against Thomas. “Do you?”

“No,” Thomas answered honestly. 

“Move with me, we’re lost here on the dance floor, it’s glowing out and we’re spiraling down, down, down…” Jimmy sang into his ear and Thomas wondered if they were real lyrics or Jimmy’s imaginations but it all felt real. It felt too real. It was Jimmy’s thigh between his legs, erection real and tempting. 

“Whoa…world is upside down again,” Jimmy stopped. Too suddenly and they both nearly fell to the floor. Thomas somehow stopped them, Jimmy spun around a bit in his arms. He took a deep breath and tried to center himself again in reality. Jimmy was bleeding, Jimmy was high, Jimmy was drunk… 

“And you have a fucking boyfriend,” he hissed at himself. 

“Fucking arse of one,” Jimmy muttered back. 

Thomas barked out a laugh and maneuvered them so they were side by side. He found it a much safer position and he wrapped Jimmy’s arm around his waist, and his own arm around Jimmy’s shoulders. Then pointed them toward his office. 

He held his breath every step of the way. Waiting for Jimmy to spun in his arms, throw back into each others spaces. He held his breath and told himself he didn’t want that happen. Thomas opened the door to his office and hurried over to the couch. Jimmy was staggering more and more. Thomas got him seated, stood in front of him, put his hands on his shoulders and looked down into his eyes. “What did you take?”

“Music,” Jimmy said again. “You hear it right… Down, down, down. Hearts are pounding, going to move for you and spinning under glowing pink.”

“If you sing it I hear it,” Thomas muttered. 

“It’s good… maybe I should write it down.” 

Thomas shook his head. “No. Stay still.”

“But the music? We should dance,” Jimmy started to try to stand up.

Thomas pushed him down. “No.” 

“Come on, Thomas.” Jimmy grabbed his hips again.

Thomas pressed his hands over Jimmy’s. “No.”

Their eyes met and Thomas hoped he looked determined, hoped he looked like he would win this battle. Jimmy stared at him, a grumpy furrow between his eyes but then suddenly he grinned, all lazy and sexy. “You’re so glowy, Thomas… look like snow on sunny day.”

“Will you stay here?”

“Where would I go?”

Thomas sighed. “I’m going to let go and I need you to stay sitting.”

“I’m sitting?”

“Yes. Stay here. Stay still.”

Jimmy nodded. 

Thomas lifted his hands and though Jimmy’s grip lingered on his hips he was allowed to move out of it. He walked backwards, afraid to take his eyes off of Jimmy and got to his desk. He grabbed a water bottle, then searched through a few drawers before he found his first aid kit. Then he was back at the crouch, crouching down in front of Jimmy. Jimmy met his eyes and greeted him with another lazy and unfairly sexy grin. To distract himself he focused on the blood. That was decidedly unsexy. He dabbed at it and touched Jimmy’s nose. He got a wince but it didn’t look Kemal done much damage. Thomas snorted, no way he knew how to throw a real punch. Jimmy probably only fell because he was drunk and on something. He finished up cleaning up the blood and then sat down next to him on the couch. 

“Drink,” he said after untwisted the cap.

“It’s not pink,” Jimmy frowned. 

“It’s water.”

“Why?”

“Jimmy you’re high”

“I’m not high. I’m music.”

Thomas found himself smiling. “Drink it.”

He frowned but took the bottle and brought it to his mouth. Thomas watched the bottle press against Jimmy’s lips and looked away. He leaned back and looked up at the ceiling. Wondering if it had any advice for him and wondering when exactly his life had turned into trying to resist Jimmy Kent. 

“Thomas?”

Thomas turned his head and was looking right into Jimmy’s eyes. Black pools with the slightest rim of blue. “Yes?”

Jimmy stayed quiet though. He stared right at him, a grin on his face. Then he started laughing. “I wish you heard it.”

“What?”

“The music.”

“It’s nice?”

“We should dance.”

“No.” Thomas said without meaning it. 

“You’re hot.”

“I thought I was snow?”

“Can be both.”

“I don’t think so,” Thomas said. 

“You can dance.”

“No.” 

“But you were.”

“That was you.”

“No. It was us.”

Breath caught in Thomas’ throat. 

“Move with me, we’re lost here on the dance floor, it’s glowing out and we’re spiraling down, down, down. Down, down, down. Hearts are pounding, going to move with you and spin under the glowing. It us. Us, us, us…..” 

All Thomas could do was listen. 

“Mr. Barrow?”

They both jumped up in tandem but Thomas pressed Jimmy down, a hand against his chest. “Stay,” he ordered. Jimmy stared up at him, eyes wide, his mouth open but he gave Thomas a slow nod. Thomas waited a beat, wanting to be sure he was still under his hand. He turned then and saw Sally Anstruther in his doorway. 

“Is he okay?”

“He’s high.”

“Oh,” she sounded surprised which irritated Thomas. He was hoping she knew, it would help him find the culprit. He knew that he would never be able to keep drugs out of the club. But he felt he was meant to try. 

“You didn’t see anything?”

“No. Just that he drank two of the those pink globes.”

Thomas grabbed his cigarettes from his pocket and lit one. He offered Anstruther one but she shook her head. She walked past him and up to Jimmy. “Hello, doll?”

“It’s you,” Jimmy grinned. 

“It’s me.”

“I’m the favorite?”

“Of course,” she said and touched his face. 

Thomas watched them, thinking. It took more than two of those drinks to knock Jimmy on his ass. He other night he’d drank far more than two. That meant most of this was whatever the hell it was he took. 

“I should take him home,” Anstruther said. 

“No.”

She turned to Thomas. “What?”

“I’ll take him home.”

“I meant my place,” she said. 

“No.”

Anstruther sighed. “Thomas. He is mine.”

Thomas snorted. 

“I’m quite capable of taking care of him. I told Kemal he is on his own.”

Thomas nodded because he’d choose Jimmy too. He looked at him and Jimmy grinned at him. He walked forward and tapped the water bottle. Jimmy lifted it up and took a drink. “I’ll take him home.”

“But.”

“Want Thomas,” Jimmy said his wide eyes darting between them. “Want Thomas.”

That made Thomas’ stomach dip and he closed his eyes. Anstruther sucked in a breath and then let out a long sigh. “Yes. Well…” 

Thomas opened his eyes and saw her looking right at him. He enjoyed the irritation etched in the fine lines of her face. She bit her lower lip and glanced between them. Then she shot Thomas a knowing look. 

“Tell him I will check in.”

Thomas nodded. 

“And tell _Philip_ , I said hello.”

She leaned down and kissed Jimmy softly on the lips. Then she stood up and walked out of the room, holding her back straight and not looking back. Thomas followed her toward the door. Then he shut it closed. 

“She’s not snow,” Jimmy said. 

“Neither am I.” He turned around and met Jimmy’s wide stare. Jimmy started to stand. “No, no,” he ordered and walked back over to the couch. “I said stay still.”

“I’m only obeying because the room is swaying to the music, you know,” Jimmy said with smirk. 

Thomas laughed and sat back down, next to him, their thighs touching, faces so close when they turned toward each other. Eyes locked. Jimmy sang for a bit the same words, over and over… 

_Us us us_

Thomas found it hard to breathe. 

“You’ll always catch me. I never have to fear falling,” Jimmy added and his hand fell against Thomas’ chest. 

“Yes, you do,” Thomas said.

“Not with you around.”

“I’m nobody’s hero.”

“You’re mine.”

“Jimmy,” Thomas breathed shaking his head. 

“Yes…I know you Thomas Barrow.” Jimmy whispered and his eyes slid closed. 

Thomas held his breath and stared at him. Watched him sleep, watched him breathe. Jimmy was beautiful. Thomas let out a breath and pushed his hand through Jimmy’s hair gently and whispered. “Not the hero.”


	20. Chapter 20

Soft was his first thought. Pain was his first feeling. Jimmy burrowed into the softness but it didn't save him from the pounding in his head. He groaned and regretted his throat felt dry and scratchy. He opened his eyes and wished he hadn't. The room was bright, too bright, he squinted and realized they were dry and scratchy too. Then his cellphone went off the ringtone stabbing his head. He looked around for it but couldn't find it. Groaning he stumbled out of the bed and followed the sound. It was on a bureau surrounded by watches that he didn't recognize. He picked it up but the screen was just a blur, so he answered it just to shut down the noise. 

"What?"

"Mr. Kent are you planning to come into work today?"

"Mr. Carson?" Jimmy asked. "What?"

"Work, Mr. Kent. You are fifteen minutes late. Are you coming in?"

"Don't think so." Jimmy grabbed hold on the edge of bureau a wave of dizziness hitting him out of nowhere. "Fuck," he gritted out between his teeth and the phone fell to the floor. He bent his head down, putting his weight on the bureau and rode out the wave. When the world stopped tilting, he opened his eyes but squinted. It was so bright. He headed toward the light, maybe he could block it out. But found curtains drawn in front the window. So he turned around and decided to go back to the bed. He was shaking, his legs felt moments from giving out on him. He staggered his way across the small room and fell onto the bed. His face hit the soft pillow and he moaned in both relief and pain. His head was pounding, he felt clammy, his throat was so dry. 

He lifted up a bit and saw a glass of water, two white pills on the table by the bed. He grabbed the water and took a generous gulp. It felt amazing against his throat and wished he could pour it into his eyes. He took the pills and finished off the glass. He wanted more but he wasn't moving. He collapsed back down onto the bed and passed out.

~~~

Thomas sat as the small desk he had in the living room. He was leaning over his laptop. He'd connected to Betwixt security cameras. He frowned as he tried to find Jimmy on them. The problem was there were so many cameras and it'd been a Friday night crowd. Thomas rubbed his temples. This be easier if he knew what time Jimmy showed up last night. His best bet was to backtrack, he moved ahead to twenty minutes after midnight. That's when he'd gotten the call to go upstairs. He found the dancefloor and there he was, Jimmy Kent, dancing like a Sex God. 

Memories of last night flashing. Jimmy's hands on him, the touch of him, the dancing, singing and sexy smiles. Thomas fingers itched, remembering how much his entire body itched to just reach out and touch Jimmy. Touch him, kiss him, fuck him. "Focus," he muttered and rewound the tape, tracking Jimmy's entrance onto the dance floor backwards. He had to change cameras but then he found Jimmy standing on the edge of the dance floor and the bar area. He was downing the drink in his hand. Thomas watched his throat work as he swallowed but then Jimmy lifted his left hand to his mouth. Thomas paused and zoomed in and saw it. A black pill. He frowned, hit play and rewound again. Jimmy moved in reverse, into a crowd and up the bar. Thomas rewound until he found the point Jimmy elbowed himself up to the bar. He hit play. 

Jimmy seemed to be flirting with the bartender, she seemed amused and smiled. Jimmy turned toward the man next to him and they spoke. But there people walking behind them, other people against the bar. All he could see was the back of the man. He zoomed in and slowed it down, trying to see if that man was who gave Jimmy the pill. He saw hands raise but couldn't see what happened due to the bar traffic. Then he remembered the other camera angle from the bar. He pulled up the footage for the camera and fast forwarded to the time. But it turned out Jimmy been standing in a blindspot. Thomas slapped the desk in frustration. He went back to the other camera and zoomed in on the bartender. 

"I really need to be better at knowing employees names," he murmured. He brought up the employee roster for the night. Scanning down until he saw the item for Bar #3. Millicent Horn and Emma Lambert were down as the bartenders. He pulled up the two employee files and saw it was Emma. He looked at the time. It was almost noon, so he grabbed his cellphone and called the number he had for Emma Lambert. He got her voicemail and left a curt message for her to call him back immediately. 

He ran his hands over his face. He was tired. Their couch was comfortable but it wasn't nearly as nice as his bed. He'd almost crawled into it with Jimmy but he didn't trust himself, and he couldn't trust Jimmy. Jimmy was all hands, grabbing him and pulling him close. Too close. Even now it was making his stomach drop and react with intense arousal. He was half hard from the memories. At how close he came from saying fuck it and pushing Jimmy against a wall, into the couch in his office. He been on the edge the entire night, trying to take care of him and fighting wanting him. 

Running his hands through his hair, he looked down and realized he'd slept the scant few hours he had in his clothes from the night before. He was a rumpled mess. His shirt untucked and his tie undone -- all Jimmy. Thomas sighed and stood up. He needed a shower. He needed to cool off. He rose up and made his way down the hall to his bedroom. He opened the door as quietly as he could, his eyes falling onto the occupant in his room. 

He was on his side now, hugging Thomas' pillow. Thomas walked closer without noticing. He saw the aspirin he left out been taken and the glass of water was empty. He picked up the glass and walked into his bathroom and refilled it. Walking out, he went to his bureau and almost stepped on Jimmy's phone. Bending down he picked it up and saw the ended call screen. It was a number he knew. Carson's. He frowned. Jimmy was probably supposed to be working a shift. Which meant Jimmy no longer had a job, because Charles Carson didn't forgive any transgression. "Fuck," Thomas muttered and put Jimmy's phone back on the bureau. Thomas grabbed some clothes to throw on after his shower, he didn't meant to look but his eyes drifted to Jimmy as walked toward the bathroom. He sighed at the sight of him, pale, hair a mess, face smashed into the pillow. But beautiful. He's too much, Thomas thought. 

~~~

Jimmy heard his phone again. He groaned into the pillow, but it kept ringing, causing a ricochet of pain in his head. So, he staggered out of the bed again, missing the pillow and grabbed his phone. This time he could read the screen and he frowned at number. He looked up and winced at the sight of himself in the mirror. He looked like shit. Circles under his eyes, he could see the pain in his head in his expression. He looked down and realized he wasn't wearing a shirt but he'd been sleeping in leather pants. He felt he should find that uncomfortable but his head was superseding everything else. His phone went silent and Jimmy stared at it until the new voice mail alert beeped. He sighed and called it in. 

He winced again at his father's voice and it wasn't completely the headache. It was the tone and then it was the sentence. "What the fuck did I see on the television this morning, you kissing a man. My son is not some fag. What is that shit, Jimmy? What are you doing in a shit club like that? This shit some damn rebellion bullshit?" 

It was far too much to process. He looked at the time. It was a bit after noon. "Fuck, Carson…" he realized and then remembered the earlier phone call. "Well, I'm fired." He shook his head and regretted it. He pressed the button to reply his father's message. 

"Does he say shit enough," Thomas voice filled the room. 

Jimmy spun around and then had to grip the bureau, dropping his phone to the floor again. "Fuck."

Thomas was in front of him, smelling of that soap and shampoo that supposedly smelled of winter. Something about snow? Jimmy felt a strange tug of a thought but it faded too fast for him grasp onto the thread. Thomas hands rose up to his shoulders but ended up hovering before he dropped them down. "You probably should still be in bed."

Jimmy shook his head. "Um, what was my dad on about?"

"I don't know what was the television, though I'm not surprised it was…" Thomas stepped backward and pulled on the shirt he was holding. It was gray and worn and Thomas looked -- naked out of the usually tailored dress shirt. He was in soft blue jeans and the worn t-shirt, his hair wet and a mess, unshaven. He looked undone, it was strange and it was amazing. 

"Was it you?" Jimmy asked. 

"What?"

"The kiss."

"Oh."

Jimmy held his breathe. 

"No."

"Oh," Jimmy said and his brain was a mess of thoughts. _What? Why? Thank God. But fuck who was it then? I want him. Fuck, I want him. Would want to remember kissing him._ "Then, uh who?"

"Kemal Pamuk, which just proves you were high," Thomas said and shook his head. "He's beautiful on the outside but…"

"I kissed that douche?"

Thomas nodded.

"I…" Jimmy's skin was crawling. "Ew."

Thomas laughed. 

"This isn't funny. Ugh, only thing worse than him would be the Dick of Crowborough."

"Philip is a rather good…"

"No, no, no," Jimmy put up his hands. "Don't even. Gross. What the hell?" He noticed the glass on the nightstand had water in it again. "Oh, thank god," he lunged for it. Fell on the bed because dizzy, but drank down the water. "Ugh."

Thomas walked over and plucked the empty glass out of Jimmy's hand. "I'll refill it."

Jimmy nodded and held his head in his hands. He took in a deep breath. He kissed a guy, publicly. Really publicly, apparently. And it was a douchebag. He kissed a douchebag. A feeling of something smacking his face, flitted in his memory and he touched his nose. "Ouch."

"Yeah, he punched you."

"Fucker."

"He's straight and a right bastard. What did you expect?"

"Not to kiss straight bastards…" Jimmy sighed. "Not kissing random men at all."

"It has it good side," Thomas said and he sat down next to Jimmy. "Think you can eat?"

Jimmy shook his head.

"Drink more," he handed Jimmy back the glass. 

"What did I take?" Jimmy asked. "Alcohol doesn't do this to me."

"Was hoping you could tell me. Do you remember where you got it?"

Jimmy shook his head. "No, the last thing I remember is dancing with Anstruther, until she decided to sit the rest of the night out. Wanted to watch us…"

"You did give quite the show."

Jimmy glanced over at Thomas and felt thankfulness and embarrassment rush through him. He looked away and down at his feet. He wiggled them in the carpeting just for something to do, to distract himself. "What do you mean? I mean did I like make out with him?"

"No, remember straight bastard who punched you."

"Right," Jimmy groaned. "Show?"

"Dance show. You and Kemal were in direct competition until you decided to help him out. Then you two were dancing."

"He danced with me?"

"I found that odd too," Thomas shook his head and looked away. Jimmy watched color rise high on his cheeks. "I figured it was because it was you," Thomas finished softly. 

Jimmy laughed. "If I could charm bastards, your boyfriend would like me."

Thomas turned back to him, grinning and laughing. "Funny."

"I'm a laugh a minute," Jimmy grinned. "I was dancing?"

"Well."

"Duh."

"Anyway, I pulled you off the dance floor after the kiss because you were high."

Embarrassment rushed him again and he thought about how often Thomas seemed to be there when he was in over his head. That night they met when he got too drunk. Embarrassed by Anstruther. The night she passsed out and his freak out about his mother. And now this… He went and got high and screwed up. 

"Hey, you okay? Maybe you should go back to sleep?"

Jimmy couldn't look at him but he shook his head. "No, I…I don't want to lie down."

Thomas hand settled on the back of his neck. Jimmy closed his eyes the heat and pressure of him felt just right. He shifted into the touch and finally looked back over at him. Their eyes met and sensations rushed through Jimmy that felt the beginning of memories but they didn't surface. "Did I… try to kiss you?"

Thomas shook his head. 

"Really?" Jimmy asked because that seemed impossible. If he kissed fucking Pamuk how the hell did he resist Thomas. 

"You were more focused on dancing."

"Oh." Jimmy looked Thomas up and down. "Yeah…" he thought, thinking about dancing with him. His hands on those hips, Thomas grinding against him. He felt his face heat up and looked away. 

Thomas' hand started to rub up and down his spine. Coming back up to his neck for a moment and then sliding back down. Jimmy closed his eyes, it was comforting and easy. He let himself breathe. His mind was still spinning though, trying to process what Thomas told him, trying not think about his father's rough voice. Instead he focused on Thomas, the touch, his presence. It was easy and it wasn't scary. 

"Thomas?"

Sybil's voice startled the both of them. 

"Thomas?" she pushed open the door and her eyes widened. "Oh."

Thomas pulled his hand away and he stood up. "I didn't hear you…"

"Just got here, it's buzzing," she handed him his phone.

Thomas' features hardened the second he saw the number and he answered it. "Yes, Emma? We need to have a conversation about last night…" he walked out of the room. 

Jimmy grabbed the glass of water and took a sip, his eyes on Sybil. 

"According to social media you had quite the night."

Jimmy groaned. 

"Do you need anything? Aspirin…"

"Thomas took care of…" _Me. Again._

"Right, of course. I'll leave you be," she gave him a sweet smile and stepped out of the room. 

Jimmy stared at the door, waiting for Thomas to reappear. He was afraid he would start thinking. And he wasn't sure he could handle the thoughts that would fire through his brain if he did.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Homophobia Below.

Thomas lit a cigarette the moment he hung up the phone. He had an hour before meeting Emma. He walked over to his desk and laptop and pulled up the file he and security worked to make of suspects. It helped him ban a few drug dealers and dangerous individuals from the club. He wanted the place to be safe for people and it was important to Edith that women feel safe. He frowned at the number of names in the file. Descriptions. He only had photographs of half of them. 

“What are you doing?” Sybil’s voice rang out behind him.

He was mid inhale on the cigarette, so he winced. “Don’t start, I know it’s horrible for me.”

“Oh, no, no, no… I’m not talking about the smoking.” 

Confused he spun around on the chair. Sybil’s expression was all kindness but there was an accusation in her eyes. He decided to play dumb. “What?” 

“What did I walk in on?”

“He’s suffering aftereffects,” Thomas shrugged and turned back to the laptop.

“You don’t… pet people.”

“No, I don’t,” he said derisively. 

“Then what was that?”

Thomas closed the laptop and put it back in his briefcase. “Comfort?” he threw out. 

“Comfort?”

“Yes.”

“From you?” 

“Fair point.”

“Thomas.”

He sighed and turned back around to look at her. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. He searched for words but he didn’t have any. He hadn’t even realized he was touching Jimmy until Sybil walked into the room. Then he felt heated skin against his palm, soft skin and the knobs of his spine and how the back of his neck was hotter than his back. He thought he played it cool, but he’d seen her surprise. He was surprised too. 

“It’s nothing,” he said finally.

“You don’t pet people,” Sybil said again.

“Yes, we covered that.”

“Unless.”

“Unless?” he blinked at her. 

“You’re in love with them.”

Thomas snorted again. “You’re being daft.”

“No.”

“I don’t pet Philip.”

“You don’t love Philip.”

Thomas felt like he should argue against that but he stayed silent. 

“You loved Edward.”

“Sybil,” he bit out in warning. 

“No. Just listen.”

Thomas sighed. 

“Right after I introduced you and Edward, I walked in the two of you. It was like four in the morning. You two were just talking but you were playing his with fingers.”

Edward had nice hands, really nice hands, elegant long fingers. Memories of holding them, caressing them, kissing them rushed through his mind and hurt his chest. “Sybil…”

“Thomas you’ll hug me if I hug you.”

“And?”

“And. The only time I’ve seen you touch a person without second thought was with Edward.”

“Well, Edward was special.”

“He was… I know.”

“I’m not… I barely know Jimmy.”

“That was… intimate.”

Thomas stood up. “He’s in a weird place, Sybil, what should I do?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “I like Jimmy. I do. But he’s… messed up.”

“I know.”

“And you’re messed up.”

“I’m not messed up.”

“You are,” she pointed at the cigarette in his hand. “We will talk about that too.”

“This is just Philip and Mary.”

Sybil shook her head but stayed silent. “Just…. Ok, just be careful.”

“I’m always careful.” Thomas shot her a look. “Always planning.”

“And right now all your plans are in chaos.”

“Not really.”

Sybil sighed. “Will you just promise.”

“Fine, I promise.”

She smiled all sunshine and rushed him. Wrapping her arms around him tightly and making him stagger back a step. He frowned but wrapped his around her, hugging back tightly. 

“See, you love me,” she whispered, sounding impish. “Okay, I need a bath.” 

“That you do,” he joked as she let go of him.

She punched him in the arm.

“Ow.”

Laughing she disappeared into her bedroom. Thomas sighed, inhaled on the cigarette and blew out smoke as he walked back to his bedroom. Jimmy was in the middle of the room, pulling on the silk shirt he’d been wearing the night before. He turned toward Thomas and dropped his hands, leaving it unbuttoned. Thomas swallowed. 

“You smoke?”

“I’d quit.”

“Dick?”

“Exactly,” Thomas said with a smirk.

Jimmy sighed. “I should…” he motioned his hands toward the wall of Thomas’ bedroom that was the direction of his own apartment. 

“I was hoping you’d come with me to meet Emma.”

“Emma?”

“Bartender from last night, she saw who gave you the pill. I need to track him down.”

“To do what?”

“Blacklist him.”

Jimmy grinned. “Really?”

Thomas nodded.

“You have a blacklist?”

“I do. Other clubs too. We share. It’s to protect ourselves and the clientele. Edith’s big on protecting the women.”

“Right… yeah. Do I have time to shower and I seriously want out of these pants.”

Thomas looked down and appreciated the body the pants were wrapped tightly around. “You have just enough I think. Emma will wait, I’m her boss.”

Jimmy laughed and started walking out of the room but he paused when he reached Thomas. Their eyes met. Jimmy ducked his head down and when he looked up he looked younger and vulnerable. “Thank you.”

_You’ll always catch me. I never have to fear falling._

Thomas ducked his head and shook it. “Jimmy, it was nothing.”

“I appreciate it, okay?”

Thomas nodded. 

Jimmy reached out and squeezed his shoulder. Then he was gone. Thomas blinked in the empty space. He turned quickly and followed Jimmy to his front door. Jimmy walked out of it and Thomas followed him into the hall. Jimmy smirked over at him. “I think I can make it home.”

“Just making sure.”

Jimmy knocked on the door. “I need to stop forgetting my keys.” 

Thomas laughed. 

“I don’t even know where they are,” Jimmy made a face. He knocked again. “What time is it?” he asked. “They all might be out…suppose I could break in?”

But then the door opened, but only as far as the chain on the inside allowed. Alfred’s face appeared. Thomas thought he looked grim. “You can’t live here.”

“What?” Jimmy tensed.

“I saw what you did.”

“Yeah, made a right fool of me self, I’m sure.”

“You kissed that bloke.”

Thomas watched Jimmy pale and he looked down at his feet. Before looking up. “Look, Alfred I owe you an explanation on that but…”

“You kissed a bloke,” Alfred repeated. “I ain’t living with you.”

“Alfred, just open the door.” Jimmy shouted and his face went red as he tried to push the door open. 

“I’m not living with some, some, some…” Alfred shouting keeping the door in place.

“I’m your fucking best mate!” Jimmy yelled. 

”You know how I feel about men like that… it’s a sin, Jimmy.”

“That’d be why you had fucking had no clue. Last person on earth I could talk to you about it was me own best friend.” Jimmy leveled out and Thomas felt gut punched by the emotion in it. “You can’t just lock me out.” 

“I can. I am. And don’t go trying to sweet talk Ivy, she’s onto you now.”

“This isn’t about IVY.”

“Leading her on, when your, your…”

“I’m not gay you imbecile.”

“I saw, can’t deny it now. I already put all your stuff in your car.”

“WHAT?” Jimmy screamed as the door slammed shut. He started pounding and kicking the door. “FUCK YOU, ALFRED.”

“Jimmy,” Thomas said carefully approaching him. “Jimmy?”

Jimmy stopped, he just stopped, his forehead against the door and his body went slack. Thomas pushed away the anger he was feeling and just wrapped his arm around his shoulders. He pulled Jimmy back into his own flat. He pulled him over to the couch and Jimmy sat down and put his head in his hands. “It’s all right,” he said.

“It’s the bloody opposite of all right,” Jimmy clenched his hands into fists and looked away from Thomas. “I…”

“It’s fine,” Thomas said again and made a decision. “What car is yours?”

“My car?” Jimmy stared at him like he had two heads.

“Your car?”

“It’s the dented up powder blue monstrosity,” Jimmy said after very long beat, his voice choked up and he wouldn’t look at Thomas. 

“Okay, then…” and Thomas left the flat for the parking lot before he thought more about it and realized he was probably crazy. 

~~~

Thomas asked him about his car. His life was spiraling completely out of control and Thomas was asking him about his car. Alfred hated him. Alfred was revolted by him now. Jimmy knew it would happen, he knew Alfred wouldn’t be able to handle it all. Every tester he thrown at his best friends for years had ended up in rant by his religious about the sins of the homosexuals. His father already hated him but now, now he’d probably given the man the excuse he wanted to completely disavow him. 

Jimmy blinked, the tears weren’t going to stay back but he didn’t want to cry in front of Thomas. He couldn’t. He blinked and blinked. But it was failing, he gasped in a breath but it was sob. It was a broken dam and he shook where he sat and wondered what the hell else he was going to do?

Arms wrapped around him, he stiffened and looked up. Sybil was sitting next to him, her arms around him. She wasn’t looking at him like he was freak, like he didn’t belong. He moved to bury his head against her shoulder, the sobs not stopping. 

“What happened?” he heard her ask. 

He tried to answer her but it came out a sob. 

“He got kicked out,” Thomas’ voice was venom. 

Sybil’s arms tightened around him. “It’s okay, you’re safe here.” 

His eyes stung, he felt empty of tears but he couldn’t stop shaking, he kept taking loud deep breaths like he forgotten how to breathe. Maybe he had, maybe he never knew how. He stiffened when she started to pull away but it was only to offer him her hands. He took them and she yanked him upward. She pulled him into her bedroom and into her bathroom. Her tub was full of cooling water and what was left of bubbles that popped out. 

She bent down and drained it. She put on the water again. “I think you need the bubble bath more than me.”

He nodded numbly, something about it sounded appealing. He sat down on the floor and heard the door move behind him and it was Thomas. He sat down next him and his hand went to the back of his neck. “I have to leave but I won’t be long,” he whispered. 

Jimmy nodded. 

“Take care of him?”

“Of course,” Sybil said. 

Thomas’ hand left his neck and he wanted to snatch it back. Thomas stood up and he wanted to grab at his legs. But he didn’t because he could barely move and a part of him didn’t want Thomas seeing him right not anyway.


	22. Chapter 22

Thomas stopped at the door, the sob that tore from Jimmy crushing his heart. He couldn’t leave him. He turned around and walked down the hall, straight through into Sybil’s bathroom. She was sitting on the edge of the tub, running her hands through the bubbles. 

“What?”

He put his fingers to his lips and grabbed her hand. She followed him confused but she stayed quiet. She let out a noise when she heard Jimmy, his sobs carrying down the hallway. Thomas let go of her at the couch and walked out of the apartment. Glancing back to see her wrapping her arms around Jimmy. 

He let out a breath. He walked out into the building’s car park and made his way over Jimmy’s car. He saw frowned at the mess he found inside. Alfred apparently just tossed everything into the backseat. Clothes were everywhere, there was a guitar. Thomas thought about the piano, hadn’t Jimmy told him about a piano. Thomas inhaled sharply and dug through the mess until he found a bag. Then he dug through clothes, grabbing what was immediately needed. It was a mess. He was making piles on the concrete. He was guessing at things. There were unopened boxes, folders, and a few other bags. He decided to fill the bags with as much as the clothing he could stuff into them. He hated doing it, but this was not a time to fold and be tidy. 

His blood was rushing. He wanted to punch that religious little bastard in the face. A rush of memories wrapped around him. His own father kicking him out, his father disowning him. His father cutting him off. He remembered the message on Jimmy’s phone. He’d made a crack about it, but otherwise let the subject lie. It wasn’t his place to push Jimmy. No, the world just wanted to. 

Thomas shoved more clothing into the last backpack. Then he managed to grab them all and the guitar case. He was giving Jimmy safe haven, he knew Sybil wouldn’t argue. 

Memories of his father, mixed with witnessing Alfred destroy years of friendship over something that amounted to absolutely nothing. He’d wanted to hold him, wanted to try to quiet the sobs but Jimmy wouldn’t look at him and he knew it wouldn’t help. This helped. He had his stuff, he had his guitar. He pushed the door open. 

Jimmy’s face was buried into Sybil’s neck and he was shaking visibly. Thomas could hear the stifled sobs. He closed his eyes. He heard Sybil ask him what was wrong. He said something but all he heard was anger. 

“Putting his stuff in my room.”

“Yes, yes,” Sybil agreed. 

Thomas hurried down the all, he dropped the bags onto his bed and leaned the guitar against his bureau inside the door. He leaned against the door and took in a deep breath. He had to gain some sense of decorum. He felt more incensed and focused on fighting the culprit who’d handed Jimmy that damn pill. But fuck, he couldn’t leave? He couldn’t leave him. He walked out to the living room but stayed near the hallway. 

Jimmy was quieter but it was far from over. Thomas closed his eyes because he couldn’t see it. When he opened them, Sybil was looking at him and he looked back at her lost. She turned back to Jimmy and started to pull away. 

Thomas walked forward, thinking of telling her to stop but he saw her grab Jimmy’s hands and pull him with her. He watched them go into her bedroom and then the bathroom. He knew then what she was doing, he watched for awhile from outside her bathroom. Then when he saw Jimmy slide to the floor he had to follow him. 

If only for a moment. 

His hand went to the back of Jimmy’s neck, before he realized he was doing it. His skin was ten times hotter than it been, less than an hour ago. He ran his hand up and down. A few times, more than that, he didn’t know. Jimmy was quiet and he wouldn’t look at him but he didn’t move away, if anything he was moving into Thomas. 

His anger was simmering. The focus had him feeling impatient. He whispered to Jimmy he had to go and forced himself to let go and stand up. He watched Sybil finish up setting up the bubble bath. “Take care of him.” It was an order.

Sybil nodded and maybe she spoke but Thomas hurrying to grab his briefcase, checking his laptop as in it, then he was out the door. He couldn’t do much about Alfred Nugent. But he had another bastard to hunt down. 

~~~

All Sybil could think was thank god she had two days off. Her head was completely spun. She sighed as she walked into Thomas’ room. She was right the Jimmy’s stuff situation was a mess. She opened a bag and started pulling things out. Making piles on Thomas’s bed in a first attempt of organizing, just looking for something to give Jimmy to put on after the bath. She kept glancing behind her too, a bit worried about leaving him alone. It was nagging at her, his head was a mess and she didn’t know him very well. Neither did Thomas…. 

But Thomas cared. When Thomas cared that was dangerous. She shook herself. She focused on her task. Jimmy was a mess but there was something strong about him. And this was entirely different situation than what happened with Edward. 

Finally she found sweatpants. Still no underwear but the sweatpants would do and she grabbed a t-shirt from the small pile of them and hurried back into her bedroom. She’d left the bathroom door open a bit and she peeked inside. Jimmy was sunk low in the water and he was humming. 

“Jimmy?”

His eyes opened and she was relieved to see a bit of focus in them. He was seeing her at least. 

“I’m going to put these here,” she put his clothes on the counter.

Jimmy looked at them and then his eyes darted to hers. “Those are mine?”

“Thomas got your stuff from your car, sort of…”

“Why?”

“Because you’re staying here.”

Jimmy looked away from her and after a moment, she started to slow step out of the room. “Sybil?”

“Yes?”

He looked at her, his eyes bright and intense. “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome,” she said softly. 

“I can’t make this up to you?” Jimmy shook his head.

“Who says you need too?”

“I don’t know. Don’t I, though?”

Sybil opened her mouth, something on the tip of her tongue. Her fears for Thomas spinning in her head. She was worried and there were a million reasons why… Only the big reason was in pain and right now it was his heart that had to be paramount. 

“It’s nothing that needs doing right away.”

Jimmy nodded and looked way.

“I’ll be right out here, if you need anything.” She stepped out of the bathroom and left the door open a few inches. She walked over to her bed and sat down on the edge of it. Her head spinning. About Jimmy. About Thomas. Her eyes ended up falling on the wall shelf that was on the wall in front of her. She stood up and walked over to it and picked up the frame that stood in the center of it. 

Her, Edward and Thomas. Faces smushed together, smiling widely, the picture was slightly unfocused. Thomas trying to fit all of them into the impromptu selfie. She looked at Edward and then glanced toward the bathroom. 

“What do you think?” she whispered and then she felt silly. She put it down. She thought about Thomas’ hand on Jimmy’s back. The look in his eyes and the anger etched on his face, making his cheekbones look more angular to her eyes when he stomped out of the apartment. 

She worried. 

~~~

Whenever Jimmy imagined telling Alfred about his attraction to men. Alfred yelling at him about sin was always what it turned into. Which was why he never uttered a word to him. Every time he found himself wanting to confess to his best friend. Every time wanted to lean on Alfred when felt alone and lost, he had to lie about why. His mother’s death. His father’s an arsehole. He can’t find a job? He’s not sure about Anstruther. Though they were all true too, all of it was true. All of it was interwoven. 

He had no one to talk with. He tried talking to Ivy once, but it went horribly and somehow she thought they’d been on a date. Daisy gave him a look now and again, like she saw something and he almost tried talking to her, more than once but something stopped him. The truth was he didn’t want to talk with her. 

Jimmy wanted to talk with his mother. That was the big thing. He was so close, he was so close to telling her. Confiding his big secret. She knew he had one. She carefully brought it up and let him know she would always be there. 

Always.

He wiped at his eyes and then dipped down under the water for a brief moment. Coming up with more water than tears on his face. But it was a close thing. He missed her. He wished he told her, though he thinks she knew. He wishes she was around now. But if she was around would he even be where he is now? 

He never be with someone like Anstruther. He never be drinking almost every night. He never would have taken some pill, a stranger gave him — someone he can’t even remember. He doesn’t understand why he kissed Pamuk. His good looks weren’t enough of a reason, or they shouldn’t be. 

Jimmy sighed. The water was cold. He reached forward and opened the drain and stood up grabbing the towel, Sybil said he could use. She was being so nice. She’d been nice since meeting her. There was something quiet about her but she had a large presence nonetheless. He wrapped the towel around him and walked to the counter. 

His clothes. Thomas had brought them inside. Thomas decided he could stay with them. Sybil was agreeing but it was Thomas really. Thomas giving him shelter. Thomas driving him home the first night they met. Thomas being there when Anstruther collapsed. Thomas taking care of him last night and then again less than twenty four hours later. 

He should feel guiltier. He felt plenty guilty but not enough. He felt selfish. Happy even. Somehow this man walked into his life and was always there when he needed someone most. Who gets that? What is that? He wanted them to be friends. He craved it. 

But the attraction scared him. He was so drawn into Thomas. He felt needy for all his attention if he was near him. He wanted him in a way he never wanted anyone. It terrified him. Made his heart beat wildly in his chest. He wasn’t ready for that, he wasn’t ready for it all. But there was no way he wasn’t keeping Thomas Barrow. He needed them to be friends. 

Jimmy pulled on his sweatpants, they weren’t his favorite but he was in no position to be choosy. He pulled the shirt over his head, a faded black with a wolf on the front. It was a favorite and he felt a bit protected by it for some odd reason. He padded out into Sybil’s room and found her on her bed, a book over her face snoring softly. It made him smile and he quietly padded out of her room and into Thomas’.

The sight of his stuff punched him the gut. Alfred kicked him out. Kicked him out of their flat. Thrown his clothes into his car and locked him out what was supposed to be his own home. It never felt like a home though, Jimmy thought, not at all. In fact he’d barely been in it since moving in. There was the piano though, he needed that back. He turned in a circle, and spotted his guitar. He breathed a sigh of relief that the sight of it. At least Alfred put it in the case. 

“I knew he’d react, badly…” he murmured. But knowing didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like hell.


	23. Chapter 23

Thomas watched the head of Betwixt security leave his office. Emma had been more than helpful, she had quite a good memory. Thomas wrote himself a note to have her get a bonus in her next check. A picture of the man both with and without what turned out to be a fake mustache in his hands. He was to be banned from the club. Thomas sat down quickly pounded out an email, attaching the pictures and sending them to the other night clubs in the area and that was it. The man was blacklisted. 

But the afternoon was ending. Thomas looked at the time, watched the second hand tick on the clock that set on his desk. It was time for work, it was time to don the suit, shave and fix his hair. It shocked him to realize he didn’t want to. He wanted to go home. He needed it. Impatience to get back to the flat was burning through him the entire afternoon. He looked at the time and felt betrayed by it. 

He stood up and started to pull of his t-shirt, hating himself for it. He folded it as he walked to the closet and opened it. He reached in to grab a white shirt off the hangar but stopped halfway there. Turning he walked back to his desk and dropped the t-shirt on it and picked up his cellphone. He stared at it for a long moment and then called Sybil. His heart started to hammer when she didn’t pick up. What if something happened? Jimmy been listless when he left, staring ahead and not seeing anything. She promised to take care of him. He trusted her. So why wasn’t she answering? He ended the call and called Jimmy’s number. 

“Thomas?” Jimmy’s voice was rough against his ear. Thomas could hear the tears and exhaustion in it. 

“You answered.”

“It’s you.”

Thomas let out a breathe.

“I guess you’re not coming back.”

“What?”

“Work and all.”

“I figured out who to blacklist,” Thomas said.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“Thought that might make me feel better,” Jimmy said his voice cracking. 

Thomas frowned and searched for words he knew he didn’t have. 

“Yeah, well I should let you go,” Jimmy sounded distant.

“What, no, no.”

“You have things you have to do…”

“No, I don’t, I don’t. I’m on my way back now.” Thomas walked across the room and closed the closet. He picked up his shirt but realized he wasn’t putting the phone down and he let it fall to the desk again. Realizing as he watched its descent the silence on the other end was eerie. “Jimmy?”

“I’m here.”

“I’m on my way home.”

“Thomas,” Jimmy breathed out in a broken whispered. 

“I’ll see you soon,” Thomas said hanging up. He pulled the shirt, grabbed his keys and made his way out of his office. His thoughts trying to decide who to put in charge in his stead. He walked into the elevator and pushed the up button to the main floor. He wasn’t sure who was working, he really should be better at these details. His cell phone rang just as the doors opened. He fished it out of his pocket, in case it was Jimmy but frowned at the number on his phone. 

Philip’s.

Guilt and irritation warred within him but he stayed in the elevator to answer the phone. “Hello.”

“So, your boy is out of the closet.”

“What does that matter to you?”

“Nothing much really, though thought he had much better taste.” Thomas could hear Philip’s smarmy grin. “But, to play nice, how is he?”

“None of your business,” Thomas snapped. 

“Bad then… too bad.”

“Philip, pretending to care doesn’t suit you.”

“No. I suppose it doesn’t. Whatever, he’ll get over it. It was his choice anyway.”

“He was high.”

“Was he,” Philip laughed. 

“What do you want Philip,” Thomas snapped.

“Hey, hey, I thought we were playing nice?”

“Sorry, I have other things going on.”

“Oh, look at the time you’re at work.”

“Yes,” Thomas said. Philip didn’t need to know he was leaving. 

“Okay…well. There is a point to this call besides gossip.”

“What is that.”

“Mary and I are at the airport.”

“What?”

“We’re going to go to St. Lucia for two weeks.”

“WHAT,” Thomas shouted, instantly angry. 

“Hear it out,” Philip demanded.

“I don’t need too. It’s romantic, it shows commitment. Meanwhile the two of you get to go play all day and laugh at the people you’re fooling.”

“You have to admit it’s a good plan.”

“You do realize how on the edge we are.”

“Do I?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t put that just on me Thomas…. How many guesses for why you’re in such a bad mood? Hmm. Is it Jimmy? Are you all wrapped up in him and a mess he made for himself? You barely know him, why are rescuing him. He’s not a dog, Thomas. Maybe you should just adopt a real one.”

“Fuck off, Philip.”

“This isn’t on me… you were behind this.”

“Well, not liking the reality of the plan.”

“You sure? Cause I get the feeling you don’t miss me at all.”

“Fair point,” Thomas spat out. 

“Fuck you, Thomas. I’ll send you a postcard.”

Thomas heard the click of an ended call. The door to the elevator opened again. He stepped out onto the floor and looked around. His eyes fell on Branson and he sighed. But another glance around told him the truth. He stalked over to the man. “Branson.”

Branson turned and did a strange double take. “Mr. Barrow?”

“Of course.”

“Uh, yeah sorry just… you’re not in your suit.”

“No, I’m not. I’m taking a night off. You’re in charge. Don’t let the place burn down.” Thomas didn’t wait for a response and stalked back to the elevator. His heart pounding. He’d known he and Philip were pretending the last time they were together. That everything could be worked out and would be okay between them. They were falling the fuck apart and Thomas wasn’t even sure if he cared. Except he did care, he did but he couldn’t remember the why of it. All he really wanted to do was punch Philip in his smug face. 

And that git Alfred. 

He wasn’t a violent man but both ideas were very appealing right now. He sighed realizing that everything with Philip was tied up with everything about Jimmy. He was avoiding thinking about it. Been avoiding thinking about it. But it was all catching up to him and it was bound too. All he knew was that Jimmy was in his life. It was fast, it was out of nowhere, but it was a truth that wouldn’t be denied. It wasn’t Jimmy’s fault Thomas was questioning everything about his relationship with Philip. He might be a reason. But he wasn’t to blame. He and Philip’s relationship was dysfunctional from day one. Day one all those years ago, Philip been in and out of his life for so long now, Thomas didn’t know who he was without him. 

Maybe that was the problem. 

~~~

Jimmy idly strummed his guitar. He was sitting in the living room, in the middle of the floor. Looking around and thinking it was far too neat and well kept to be a place where he lived. Yet, he found he didn’t want to be anywhere else. Part of him thought he should fight this. Thomas and Sybil owed him nothing, if anything all he been was a problem for them since they met. His life was a mess because he was making a mess out of it. 

He felt a sob building in his chest, Alfred face and his words repeating in Jimmy’s mind. Knowing something was coming never prepared you for the pain. He thought up the scenario a million times, always hoping to find a way on the back end of it to make Alfred listen. But he didn’t know how? He never knew how? And he wanted to think he could forget, that he could just bury that part of him. But he never could, it wouldn’t leave his mind, it was a stutter in his chest whenever he saw an attractive man. If he saw two men together he’d find himself jealous at their ability to do it. To just be who they were. 

He was always hiding. He was tired of hiding and hell maybe that was why he kept messing things up. He was tired of hiding but he didn’t know how not too. So he slept with Anstruther. He drank too much. And he took that fucking pill. He grinned a bit at the fact Thomas blacklisted the bastard who gave it to him but it wasn’t that man’s fault. What happened last night was his fault and now he was out. What the hell did he do now?

A knock at the door surprised him. His gaze darted to it and he heard it again. It wasn’t loud but it became steady. Then stopped. He held his breath and looked down the hall. Sybil probably needed sleep. Could he answer the door? Sure it was his place now, but that was what four hours old? The knock started again. He put his guitar down on the coffee table and walked over and looked through the peep hole. And froze. It was Ivy. It was Ivy and she was crying. 

“Shit.” He muttered to himself and he pulled open the door. 

Her eyes widened at the sight of him and then she flew forward and hugged him. He gasped and wrapped his arms around her. But he was confused and guarded. This wasn’t the reaction he was expecting from her and it being Ivy it probably didn’t meant what he hoped. This was Ivy, she thought they had some epic love. Despite him constantly telling her it was never going to happen. But it was hug and it was Ivy. And despite all his issues with her, he loved her in a way, they’d been friends since he was ten years old. She was always there, annoying the fuck out of him. But she was always there for him — except for the one thing that mattered. Fear caught in his throat, he wanted her to listen now, God he wanted her to understand. 

She pulled away and walked toward the coffee table, she touched his guitar. “Alfred showed me this video.”

Jimmy closed the door and turned back to her, putting his hands in his sweatpants. “Did he? Did I look good?” he went for a smug smile but knew he failed. 

“Yes,” she said sincerely. “I don’t understand though.”

“What exactly?” Jimmy asked because she had to say it, or ask it. It had to be her. 

“Why did you kiss that guy?”

Because I was fucking high and apparently forgot he was douche, wasn’t the answer he needed to give her. “He was hot.” 

“Oh.”

Jimmy held his breath and hoped for more from her without pressing. 

“But you like girls,” she said. 

“I do.”

She stared at him and started shaking her head. “I don’t understand.”

“I like both, Ivy,” His eyes widened as he said it. Because there it was, out loud, from his own mouth to a person in his life who mattered. “I like men and women,” he added, his heart pounding as he went all in on it. 

“Oh.” She stared at him. 

“Ivy… can you be okay with this?”

“Alfred says it's a sin.”

“Forget Alfred.”

“He didn’t want me looking for you. He doesn’t know you're here does he?”

“He’s not your boss, Ivy.”

“I don’t know. You always turn me down.”

“Ivy, you know I just don’t feel that way about you…” Jimmy swallowed. “But you’re important to me.”

“I am?”

“Of course.”

“Cause you haven’t been around for ages, Jimmy. Since your mom, you just checked out. You’re never around. I thought after we got this place, I’d see you more. But you were never home and now Alfred threw you out.”

“Ivy… you’re right.”

“I’m going home now,” she said in and odd voice. She strode up to him and the past him. He tried not to feel punched by it. He opened the door for her. She walked to the threshold of it before turning around and flying at him again. A sob flew from his chest and he prayed she didn’t recognize the sound. She gripped him and then suddenly she was letting go. She looked at him and opened her mouth but slowly it shut and she walked away. 

Jimmy closed the door, he couldn’t watch her walk into the place that was supposed to be his too. But she was right, he was never there. He was running from his friends. Both because he was afraid to tell the truth and because he was pretty sure he’d lose them if he stopped. 

“Sucks to be right.”


	24. Chapter 24

Jimmy stood by the door for a long time after it closed behind Ivy. He wished he knew if their conversation turned out better than he ever imagined or worse. She looked crushed and he didn’t want that to bother him. It was his life not hers. But it bothered him because she was part of his life. Had been forever. Him, her and Alfred — despite how awkwardly dysfunctional the three of them were. All their crushes aimed at the wrong person. 

He thought maybe he should feel relief that at last Ivy wasn’t thinking about him romantically. He’d finally gotten her to see that they were never going to happen. Letting her down easy never worked, he tried angry, he tried ignoring her, he tried everything he could think of to get her to stop staring at him with moons in her eyes. Apparently all he needed to say was he was bisexual. 

He started laughing. It was absurd. His life was fucking ridiculous. It was all his own fault. At least when it came to his friends. Because Ivy was right. Since his mother’s death he had left them all in the dust. He couldn’t take well-meaning Alfred, cause he sucked at complex emotions. Alfred’s world was beautifully black and white. It’s this or that. Jimmy wondered what it was like to live in a world that simple. Boring was his first guess but Alfred remained blissfully unaware his existence was easy. And Ivy… Again Ivy. She cared too much. After his mother died for weeks he felt like Ivy was grieving with him and it just made it worse. She cared too much about him and he couldn’t breathe. 

Daisy? Jimmy sighed. They got along. She was too good for Alfred but wanted him for some reason. She was a lot like Alfred but there was more under the surface. She was too smart to see everything as either-or. Jimmy always meant to get to know her better. Take some time. She’d joined their little circle, her and Ivy were hot and cold, but beneath all of it best friends. But then his mother died, and as a result he and Daisy were still strangers. Does she even care at all who he wants to sleep with? Probably not. 

He realized it was a relief. Daisy wasn’t going to hate him because they never figured out if they liked each other. It was one relationship he didn’t really need to worry about it. Nothing would change because there was nothing there to change. And while a piece of him will always wish he’d gotten to know her better. For the moment it was for the best. He need less things to worry about. 

He focused back on the door and sighed. Time. He had to give Ivy and Alfred time. It was the only play but it wasn’t an easy one. Patience was not his virtue. Jimmy ran his his hands through his hair and turned around. He made his way down the hall to Thomas’ room. He frowned at the mess of his stuff on Thomas’ bed, having already spilled over onto the floor. He stared at all and felt like Alfred had left things behind. 

It was a mess. 

He was a mess. 

Jimmy started rooting through his stuff, haphazardly organizing it and wondering where the fuck he was going to keep it all. He supposed he could find a way to fold everything up and use his cargo bag and backpacks as a makeshift closet-thing-wardrobe? He made a face as he went through the stuff and then sighed when he found his CD collection. Damn it, it was all a mess now and he’d had it organized how he liked it. And fuck, Alfred the bookcase he stored his CDs in was HIS. The piano. His. There was other furniture and where were his books. He started searching under all the clothes — he’d really let Sally buy him too much, and none of was meant to be stuffed into bags carelessly. 

He couldn’t find one book. The books of poetry his mother had given him. She started giving them to him when he was fourteen and she’d just first caught him trying to write his own songs. He swallowed hard and blinked his eyes. He had to get them back. He had to get them back. He turned and got right up to the door, grabbing the handle, but stopped short. He inhaled sharply as he realized he was not emotionally capable of seeing Alfred. He might not be for a long time. 

He jumped when the knob turned in his hand. He walked backwards as it was opened, his head ducking down and he saw Thomas legs first, long legs in well fit jeans. The his chest, the dress shirts he wore didn’t do it justice but the worn gray t-shirt did and Jimmy shook his head a bit. Because the sight of him was so damn relieving. He felt there was air back in the flat, like he hadn’t quite been breathing right. He blinked quickly trying to stave off more tears, he felt so up and down. Angry then relieved then… just plain emotional. 

“Jimmy?”

“Hi,” he said and since his hand was the door he closed it. 

“Hi,” Thomas echoed, glancing at Jimmy as he walked over to his desk and put down his briefcase. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” Jimmy said. 

“Maybe not. I left Branson in charge, unsure if that was a wise decision. But…” he stepped closer to Jimmy. “I want to be here.”

“I want you here,” Jimmy said. “That’s… messed up. You don’t owe me.”

“I want to be here,” Thomas repeated.

Jimmy nodded and they locked eyes. Jimmy tried to push down the rush of guilt at how he was intruding on Thomas’ life. Mostly because it didn’t outweigh his selfish need for Thomas. He barely knew him, how does he need him? Jimmy looked away and walked over to the couch. He sat down and picked up his guitar. Randomly strumming chords. 

Thomas sat down on the coffee table across from him. Jimmy could feel his eyes on his hands. He was watching him play and Jimmy stopped. He looked and Thomas was looking right at him. No through him. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“No,” Thomas agreed.

“Really not worried Branson will burn down Betwixt?”

“We have good fire insurance.”

Jimmy laughed, his mouth curved up into a smile and it felt good. 

“You hungry?”

“Ugh… no,” Jimmy shook his head. “Everything is still a bit tilted.”

Anger flashed in Thomas’s grey eyes. “Well, that arse is blacklisted.”

“Yeah. Really wishing it wasn’t me who flushed him out for you.”

Thomas chuckled. “Water?”

“Yeah,” Jimmy said. 

Thomas got up and walked to the kitchen. Jimmy followed him and watched him pour them both a glass of water from a pitcher in a very empty refrigerator. “I take you and Sybil don’t cook much?”

Thomas laughed. “Breakfast mostly… Branson used the last of our eggs the other morning. We need to go to the store.”

“I can do it,” Jimmy said, quickly. “I mean, I should do it. I can’t just live here.”

“Jimmy you can live here as long as you need.”

“You guys don’t have room for me…”

“We’ll figure it out.”

“My clothes have taken over your room. And Alfred has stuff hostage…”

“What stuff?”

“A small bookcase for my CDs — the player, damn it. The stereo is mine. The piano. He also kept my books, which I need bloody back.” Jimmy slammed his fist on the counter. He winced at the impact and Thomas was suddenly right into in front of him and holding his shoulders. He found himself staring right into Thomas eyes. “I… can’t seem to keep one mood.”

“No one expects you too,” Thomas said. 

“I just… Mum gave me those books.” 

“I see.” Thomas squeezed his shoulders. The strength of his fingers against Jimmy’s skin comforting. There was a weight to it and it felt anchoring. 

“We’ll get them back, Jimmy.”

Jimmy nodded. “I know. I know. I would now but… I can’t see him. I just… Ivy too. She came by and I told her. I told her.”

“She took it better than that git, I hope?”

“Maybe,” Jimmy chuckled. “I’m not sure if it went well are not. It’s that way with Ivy a lot actually. I was once sure I’d made it clear to her we were just friends, and she thought I’d asked her out.” 

Thomas laughed which made Jimmy smile.

“It went better than it did with Alfred… but low bar.”

“Low indeed,” Thomas said and handed him the glass. “Drink.”

Jimmy took it and realized he was a lot thirstier than he realized. He drank it down and poured himself another glass. “I don’t know what end is up.”

“Not going to expect you too. I was quite a mess when my father tossed me out.”

“What about your mum?”

“She died when I was little, car accident.” Thomas shook his head. 

“Sorry…”

“Was a long time ago.“

“When did… your dad throw you out?”

“When I was sixteen.”

Jimmy eyes widened. “But…”

“It wasn’t easy but… I had some people looking out for me.” Thomas gave him a strange smile. “Anyway, it was long ago but I remember being a bit of mess afterward for a long time.”

“So… you’ve never seen him again?” Jimmy asked. 

“No.”

Jimmy sighed. “I haven’t seen my father in months but he’s there, you know — or was. I don’t know what he saw but that’s probably it. He’s been looking for an excuse to cut me out. I think he already knew, you know but was happy I wasn’t doing anything?”

“You won’t be alone.” 

Jimmy looked at Thomas and grinned. “I don’t know why you’re being so nice.”

Thomas smirked at him. “Me either.”

“I will… I will find away to make it up to you. Everything. I mean it, Thomas.”

“Jimmy.” Thomas shook his head. 

“I mean, we barely know each other and you’ve been saving my ass since we met.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Why?” Jimmy asked. “I’m a mess, Thomas. I know you’ve noticed.”

“We’ve all been a mess at some point, Jimmy. And…” he looked at Jimmy. “You’re bloody beautiful and I like beautiful things.” 

“I’m shiny?” Jimmy laughed. 

Thomas shrugged. “I don’t like many people. I liked you from the minute I met you.”

Jimmy remembered it. Seeing Thomas for the first time. His face and his voice pulling him out of a drunken daze. There been no one else. “I’m amazed I didn’t try to kiss you that night.”

“I’m quite put out. You keep resisting me when you’re drunken or drugged.”

“Must be a superpower…” Jimmy laughed, but he realized he was glad. If he ever kissed Thomas Barrow he didn’t want the memory to come with a layer of fuzz. 

“Must be… though for the best,” Thomas moved away. “I should order us food.”

“Ugh.”

“You need to try to eat something and when Sybil wakes up she’ll be ravenous. She doesn’t eat much when she’s at the hospital”

“You two been friends forever?”

“Sybil? In a way, yeah…” Thomas turned from where he grabbed a bunch of take out menus. “She um, ran away from home several years ago. Showed up at the door and asked to stay here.”

“So, you do make it a habit to rescue people.”

Thomas rolled his eyes. “Only people I like, and really who wouldn’t like Sybil?” 

Jimmy wondered if Thomas realized how fond he sounded when he said her name. “But how did you she know you?”

“That’s a long story…” Thomas turned his focus onto the take out menus. “But we’ve been close since she moved in.” 

Jimmy knew when to back off and he knew why he asked the question. “Did you… lose anyone besides your dad when you came out?”

“Not really, no,” Thomas said and looked back at him.

“Alfred and Ivy. We all lived on the same street. Right next door. Ivy’s just a a year younger than us. It’s always been us three in a way. I always wanted to get away and more than once I kind of dropped them. But they were always there when I came back…” he trailed off. “Damn it, I don’t want to talk about it.”  
“And you don’t need to,” Thomas said. “Do you like curry?”

“Love it,” Jimmy smiled. 

“I’ll order. We can watch a movie or something, distract ourselves from the stupid people in our lives.” 

“What did he do?” Jimmy asked 

Thomas laughed but there wasn’t any amusement in it. “He’s on his way to St. Lucia with Mary for a fortnight.”

“He’s a fucking arsehole prick.”

Thomas’ mouth quirked up into a bit of a real grin. 

“Why are you with him?”

“That’s complicated.”

“Is it?”

“It is, Jimmy,” Thomas turned and leveled him with a look. “It’s not important.”

Jimmy averted his eyes for a moment and took a deep breathe. It wasn’t his place to push. Thomas wasn’t pushing him about anything. And he probably at more of right to. But Jimmy couldn’t help but thing Thomas Barrow could do way better than the Dick of Crowborough, who cared more about his title than he did his boyfriend. 

“You’re important,” Jimmy said. 

Thomas stared at him. 

Jimmy nodded.

Thomas looked away and then he was talking into the phone. 

Jimmy poured himself more water and tried to clear his head. Thomas was right they needed to forget all the stupid people. Alfred, Ivy, Dick. All of them. He grinned a little. Just him and Thomas. He liked that plan.


	25. Chapter 25

Jimmy and Thomas stood at the foot of Thomas’ bed. Jimmy stared at all his stuff and all he felt was overwhelmed. His stomach felt queasy, though that could still be the after effects of alcohol and unknown drug interactions. He swayed a bit on his feet. Thomas’s hand clamped on his shoulder, Jimmy glanced up at him and tried to smile.

“We don’t have to deal with this now? Food will be here soon anyway.”

“I have to do something though, I mean we can’t leave it all on your bed.”

“No.” Thomas shook his head and looked down a the mess of clothes and junk on the bed. His clothes and junk, Jimmy thought and guilt rushed through him and lurched in his stomach. He swallowed, his mouth felt dry and turned to reach out for the water he’d put down on Thomas’ bureau. 

“Jimmy?”

“I’m fine,” he lied and focused on emptying the glass. He could feel Thomas’ eyes on him. Sharp eyes, that would see his tense shoulders, weighed down by all things that brought Jimmy to this moment in time. Things he was too exhausted and too fucked up about to deal with. He needed a break. So, he drank down the water and put the empty glass down. It was action. It wasn’t thought. And he needed the water. 

“I’ll refill it,” Thomas said. His voice low, his body brushing against Jimmy’s arm as he leaned in and plucked the glass off of the bureau. He was gone before Jimmy could to even think to say anything. Would he have said he didn’t need too? Or thank you? Jimmy didn’t even know. Both felt right and part of him kept trying to tell himself it was wrong to be taking so much from Thomas. 

Jimmy shook his head at the thought. He’d take anything he could get from Thomas. It just was. Looking for a distraction Jimmy started to fiddle with the things on Thomas’ bureau. 

He picked up a gold watch and looked at the face of it. It seemed familiar to him, maybe like one his father used to wear. The face held an intricate design and there was a small window in which you could the mechanics of the clock through it. Watch the wheels spin. Jimmy watched it for a moment, he could hear the tick now that he was thinking about it. Rhythm, he thought with a smile. He studied the watch a bit further and that’s when he realized the brand name. 

ZEB.

“Damn,” he whistled. His father did have a watch similar to this, it was the most expensive thing his father owned. He was damn proud of it, was always showing it off and threatening Jimmy he wouldn’t inherit it if he didn’t behave. Which for a ten year old meant nothing. Jimmy frowned, he had a feeling his father had lost it gambling. Like he’d lost so many other things. 

“It’s an odd hobby,” Thomas voice broke into his musing. 

Jimmy felt a stab of guilt. “I shouldn’t be snooping.”

“It’s quite all right. They are all right there.”

Jimmy went to put the watch down, realizing as he did that there were five ZEB watches sitting side by side on the bureau. “Oh. How did you afford… sorry, rude question.”

“Not at all. Two were presents, the others I got at pawn shops.”

“Probably where my dad’s went,” Jimmy guessed. 

“Here,” Thomas held out the glass of water.

“I feel like I should tip you,” Jimmy shook his head. “You keep bringing me water.”

Thomas laughed and reached for the watch. Jimmy watched him painstakingly put it back into what Jimmy surmised was its correct position. He found himself smiling at the action until he glanced back at the bed and saw his stuff ruining Thomas’ pristinely arranged bedroom. 

“I was thinking all non-clothing items under the bed. And I think Philip has some extra garment bags in the closet. We can use those…”

“This isn’t right,” Jimmy muttered. 

Thomas turned from the bed and looked at him. “What?”

“I shouldn’t be… maybe I should just go to a cheap hotel.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“You don’t…”

“Jimmy you’re staying here.”

“But.”

“No,” Thomas snapped and he walked forward. “You are staying here until you get things straightened out. It’s settled.”

“Is it?” Jimmy said. 

“Yes.”

Jimmy closed his eyes. 

Thomas hands went to his shoulders and squeezed. 

Jimmy stepped closer and dropped his forward onto Thomas shoulder. It was all so easy and felt impossibly safe. Like he never knew the real definition of it until now. He wanted to argue with Thomas, he wanted to not be an imposition but he was too exhausted, he was too alone to fight Thomas on it. He felt Thomas’ palm on the back of his neck and pushed his head more solidly against his shoulder. 

Breathing in the safety. 

Time became meaningless. Jimmy wasn’t sure when the doorbell rang if they’d been there seconds or hours. But Thomas huffed out a breath, let go of him and walked away to get their food. He felt a bit dizzy for a moment without him there but he found the water glass, gave the bed a glare and followed Thomas out of the bedroom. 

~~~

Thomas sighed when the doorbell rang. Jimmy was still shaking against him, he could feel his heartbeat. Thomas couldn’t imagine the emotions rushing through the other man despite his own experiences. But within twenty-four hours a million different things had happened to Jimmy. All out of his own control, even if he put the actions into motion himself. External and internal. Thomas just wanted to help him stop from totally falling apart. Not that he had any idea of how to do that… So he got him water and let Jimmy invade his personal space. Because those were his options as he saw it.

He grabbed his wallet from his desk and opened the door. The usual delivery boy was there and his smile vanished the second he saw it was Thomas and not Sybil at the door. Thomas couldn’t stop the knowing smirk he gave the kid. “Here you go.”

“Yeah, thanks Mr. Barrow,” the kid grumbled trying to look over his his shoulders but he was far too short.

“She’s not behind me,” Thomas snorted and took the bag of their food.

“Damn it,” the kid muttered as he turned away. 

“What was that?”

“He has a crush on Sybil,” Thomas explained as he closed the door. 

Jimmy shrugged and then nodded his head. “I see it.”

Thomas shook and walked into the kitchen. The smell of the food starting to fill the flat. Sybil would be awake in about ten minutes, Thomas thought as he pulled out plates. He turned toward Jimmy and saw him making a face as he sniffed the food bags. 

“Can something smell great and disgusting at the same time?” he asked. 

“I suppose…” he only pulled out two plates. 

“Going to wake her up?”

“It won’t be necessary,” Thomas said. 

Jimmy walked up to the refrigerator, Thomas watched him as he refilled the glass of water. As he put the pitcher back in the refrigerator he caught Thomas watching. “I can do it myself.”

“I know… I just…”

“I know,” Jimmy grinned. “So the dick has garment bags, you were saying?”

“Philip? Yes.”

“Dick.”

Thomas opened his mouth but then he frowned. He couldn’t find in himself to try argue Jimmy out of referring Philip as ‘Dick’. He felt he should, he knew he should but he kept putting it off. Now was as good as time not to but… He owed Philip better than this, didn’t he? They’ve known each other a long time, a long time and if things were falling apart… It was on Thomas as much as Philip. Philip been right about that. 

“Shut up about your boyfriend being a dick?” Jimmy caught his eyes and seemed to be looking through him.

“For now, at least, please?” Thomas sighed. 

“I’m sorry….” Jimmy shrugged. “For being a dick about Dick. Not for thinking he’s one. I just want that clear.”

Thomas laughed. 

Jimmy grinned and Thomas really wanted to see more of that and less of the sadness and worry that was in all of the lines of Jimmy’s face. “But yes… when he was slowly moving in here without meaning too, he brought over quite a few garment bags.” 

“Moving in?”

“It was a side effect of him hiding over here… we cleared it up. But he hadn’t fully cleaned things out. And he’s always kept some things here… actually?” Thomas dropped the plates he was still holding on the counter and walked down the hall. He pulled open his closet, to the side full of Philip’s things. Two empty garments were right in to the front, plus miscellaneous clothes and shoes. He shook his head. Philip left more things than he realized. One or two shirts and suits were one thing. But there as far too much. He frowned. “We can empty this out. Take his stuff to his own damn place and you’ll have enough room.”

“Seriously?”

“He doesn’t need this much here, I’ll narrow that down myself.”

“What the hell is this,” Jimmy pulled out the brown dressing gown Philip liked to lounge around in. 

“It’s awful isn’t it. I should burn it.”

“Can we?” Jimmy turned to him, laughing, his mouth in a wide happy grin.  
Thomas smirked back at him and felt a real temptation to give into what he threatened often when it came to that ugly robe. Jimmy looked so thrilled with the idea. But he shook his head. “No.”

“Fussbudget,” Jimmy accused and threw the robe at him. 

“Hey,” Thomas fought to get it off of his face. “I don’t want to wear this… this thing.”

“He has horrifying taste,” Jimmy muttered as he poked through Philip’s clothes. “How much does he pay for this crap?”

“Too much,” Thomas said. “Way too much.”

“Don’t want to know do I?”

“No.”

“Ugh. I need a new job,” Jimmy’s face fell. 

“Hey, you can…”

“NO!” 

Thomas froze at the volume and Jimmy was instantly in his face, his whole body shaking. Thomas reached out to touch him, to try calm him down not quite sure what happened. “Jimmy’s it’s…”

“No. You’re doing too much already, I can find myself a job. Seriously, Thomas. No.”

“Oh.” Thomas breathed it out and Jimmy’s head was on his shoulder again, which helped him take in a deep breathe. His palm pressed against the nape of Jimmy’s neck. His skin hot, telling him the truth about Jimmy’s insides. Volatile. He was lost and jumpy. Thomas wanted to help, provide sanctuary but maybe it was important he didn’t do too much. 

“Just nothing else… all this is plenty. I can’t keep taking…” 

“Okay,” Thomas breathed. 

Jimmy wrapped an arm around Thomas’ waist and nuzzled in. Thomas pressed against his neck with his hand, allowing him to lean in more and more. His own eyes closed and he focused on Jimmy’s breath. Slower and slower but not slow enough when he heard Sybil yell out…

“Curry’s getting cold.”

She scared the both of them. Jimmy let out a yelp and Thomas ducked his head down, trying not to laugh in his face. Jimmy started laughing thought and Thomas looked up at it. Blinded by he smile and the sound. Amazed Jimmy could, that it was still in him, right at the surface to know what happiness was… it was wonderful. 

“You should eat…” Jimmy said his grin growing smaller but it didn’t vanish. “You should go eat… I’ll start on the plan. I can’t eat yet.”

“I can grab some food and come back here,” Thomas offered but something told him Jimmy was going to say no and he tried to brace himself for it. Because it wasn’t the answer he wanted, but it would be one he understood. 

“Nah. I could do with some alone time…”   
Thomas nodded and he started to leave when Jimmy’s hand reached out and grabbed his. Thomas looked back at him. Jimmy gave him a wry grin, shyer than any graced Thomas with before. 

“Not too much time though…” Jimmy whispered.


	26. Chapter 26

Sybil watched Thomas as he piled food onto his plate. His shoulders were tense, his cheekbones standing out as he pursed his lips. He was unshaven, still in the same clothes he’d been earlier. And he was home. She took it all in and then glanced down the hall. Jimmy wasn’t following him out and she wasn’t sure what to make of it. She wondered how Jimmy was, given last time she saw him he seemed small and lost. 

“How is he?” she asked as she finally swallowed. 

Thomas looked up from his plate and met her eyes. His own eyes sharp and she could feel him thinking underneath him. Seeing his wheels turn as he carefully thought about her question. “Better than I would be.”

“Really?” 

Thomas shook his head. “He’s upset… he’s trying not to think about it. Doing everything not too. He feels guilty about imposing.”

“He’s not,” Sybil answered swiftly.

“No. He’s not.” Thomas shoved a forkful of food into his mouth. 

Sybil studied him and found herself feeling silly. He was just Thomas, it really was — it just wasn’t a side of him she hadn’t seen since Edward’s death. The messier version of Thomas Barrow. Blurrier lines, less pristine, a bit off kilter because his emotions were closer to the surface. Softer and less calculating. 

“You’re home,” she said with a smirk. 

His eyes flew to her face and he glared. “I put Branson in charge, he better not screw it up.”

Sybil smiled at the mention of Tom. Her stomach fluttered and she found herself looking away from Thomas. Not wanting him to see everything as it flew through her. Tom Branson had her feeling off kilter. She wondered if she looked softer? Her eyes flew back to Thomas and she was reminded again at why this less edgy version of Thomas Jimmy provoked was worrisome to her. He was eating, having moved to lean against the counter, rather than joining her on the stools at the counter. He was looking down the hall, face pensive, then he ducked his head down and started eating again. Faster than usual. 

“What’s he doing in there?”

“Making room for his stuff in my closet.”

“How is going to manage that with Philip’s stuff still clogging it up.”

“We’re taking Philip’s stuff out… I mean not all of it. I’ll drop it all buy his flat later.” 

Sybil swallowed wrong and started sputtering. She grabbed her wine but she was staring at Thomas. He was moving around the counter, eyes wide and worried about her. 

“Sybil?”

“Just… swallowed wrong,” she managed to croak out and she took a long sip of her wine. “I… you surprised me that’s all.”

“Why?” Thomas rolled his eyes. “What else is there to do? Philip doesn’t live here, he does.”

Sybil saw the logic but she was seeing so much more than that but she nodded. “It’s very logical.”

“Philip had too many things over here as it was… be good to get them back to him.”

“Right… don’t want the boyfriend too ensconced.”

“You’re the one who wanted him out of here.”

Sybil shrugged because he was right. She wanted Philip out of the apartment, she wanted Philip out of Thomas’ life period if she was truly honest but she never push too hard on that. She understood the complications and the history between them far too well. But she hadn’t expected Thomas to shove Philip so fully out of their home. 

“Jimmy needs the room,” Thomas said as if it solved all things. 

“Of course.”

Thomas met her eyes. “What?”

“Nothing,” she lied. “Just… talked to Philip lately?”

Thomas twitched and looked down at his plate. “Yes, as a matter of fact.”

“Went swimmingly I see,” she said. 

“He’s in St. Lucia with your sister for two weeks — unless they decide to make it longer.”

Sybil nearly choked on her food again. “Mary’s what!” 

Thomas nodded.

“I…” Sybil felt annoyed. Her older sister could be so — Mary. She dropped her plate on the counter and got up and found her phone in her bag. She pulled it out and checked her messages. Nothing from Mary — how typical. But Edith had left 2 messages. Which means she was told to tell Sybil. Which means no one has told their parents. 

“It shouldn’t be that much of a shock,” Thomas chuckled.

Sybil glared at him. “Mary… I just don’t understand her. At all. I really thought she was just being contrary after father’s last push for her to find a man a marry. But this — she is angrier than I realized.” 

“It’s a good play,” Thomas said but Sybil heard the underlying tone. He was trying to convince himself. 

“If you say so, I don’t like games.”

Thomas gave her a smile at that and walked back into the kitchen to put his plate into the sink. “I don’t… think I know what to do about it.”

 _Break up with him!_ Sybil’s mind screamed but she couldn’t say it so she bit her bottom lip and returned to her seat. She grabbed a container, she was starving and put more food on her plate. “You and he do not have a typical relationship.”

“We never have.”

Sybil nodded. “Is he…” she searched for the right words. “Your friend?”

“What?”

“You heard me, Thomas.”

“Of course,” Thomas said but it sounded like a question to her. She wondered if she should answer it because she was pretty sure she knew the right answer. “I mean I know he was — when you were younger. But…”

“We’re friends,” Thomas snapped and he was glaring at her, sharp grey eyes seeing through her.

She held up her hands. “I’m sorry,” she lied. She put the thought in his head. That would have to do, he’d think on it. It was Thomas, he would dwell and question. He was in that place, Philip made sure he was in a place where he doubted Philip’s intentions. She watched Thomas clean off his dish and pour himself a glass of wine. He was looking back down the hall, concern edged on all his features. His mind already off any thoughts of Philip, not when Jimmy Kent was in his bedroom. That was the other reason she knew Thomas would dwell on who he and Philip are to each other. 

“Going to go help him?”

“Not yet,” Thomas said. “He wanted space…” he mumbled as he crossed the flat to his desk. Sybil’s eyebrow rose as he fished out a cigarette from the jacket he’d put over the back of the chair. She made a noise of disapproval. He shot her a deal with it face and lit it. 

“Not in here.”

“Fine,” he walked over to the windows and opened one and leaned against the wall. 

She supposed that would do but she glared at him. 

“Blame it on your sister.”

“No, that can’t be blamed on Mary,” she shot back and then she was fighting a yawn. “I’m going to my room.”

“Good night, Sybil.”

She took her wine and her plate. She walked straight into her room but after putting the food and drink down her feet to her out of the room and to the threshold of Thomas’s bedroom door. Jimmy was fighting with a zipper of a garment bag, it looked rather full but as he looked to see her, the zipper in his hand zipped up closing the bag. 

“Hey,” Jimmy said as he tossed the bag across the foot of Thomas’ bed. “Just got all the dicks ugly clothes into that thing.” 

“You doing okay?” she asked. 

Jimmy shrugged but he looked around the room. “I need to get this cleaned up.”

“It’s just a bit of a mess.”

“It’s his bedroom. He’s not a mess.”

Sybil chuckled. 

“What?”

“Thomas is a mess.”

Jimmy shook his head and grabbed a shirt, he tried to get rid of its wrinkles by flapping it in the air. His nose wrinkled and he sighed. “This is a mess.” 

“It’ll get sorted,” she said. “So will you.”

Jimmy looked at her and gave her a soft grin. “I hope so. I’ll… I really appreciate everything.”

“Stop. What are friends for?”

“I don’t think I deserve you or Thomas.”

“Maybe not. But fate gave you to us.”

“You believe in that?”

“Fate? Of course.”

Jimmy hummed and turned back to the shirt in his hands. “I’m going to ironing until I die… I hate ironing.”

Sybil laughed and watched Jimmy for a beat. Thomas was right, he was better than he’d be… Better than most, Sybil thought and she wondered if that deceptive or if it was part of Jimmy’s natural confidence. It was interesting different. He was sad though, it was in his eyes and the droop of his shoulder. He kept looking at his stuff with guilt all over his expression. But she felt it. He’d be okay. Maybe that was because of Thomas? Or them, just simply offering sanctuary. 

“Where is he?” Jimmy asked her suddenly.

“Smoking,” she said with disapproval.

Jimmy nodded and put the shirt onto a hanger, he put it into the closet and then walked toward the door. “I’m just gonna… get him,” Jimmy explained.

She nodded. “I’m going to bed.”

“Good night,” he said with a smile and then he was down the hall. 

She watched him walk down the hall and told herself not to worry too much. But it was a hard thing, she didn’t want Thomas’ heart broken again. She wasn’t sure Thomas could survive another shattering. 

~~~

Jimmy caught sight of Thomas and stopped short. He was breathing smoke out of the window. It seemed to billow heavily around him and Jimmy felt struck by his presence. Thomas stood a bit stooped as he bent toward the window but was tall. Tall with dark hair and pale skin — he was handsome in away Jimmy thought only belonged in stories. The intensity of his attraction slammed into Jimmy again and it felt even worse than before. Before he’d been denying it but now — now denial felt impossible. Was it really that simple? He outs himself while drugged and that’s it… No going back and no even urge to wish he could? How was it so simple when he’d been sure it was so hard? And here he was being offered sanctuary from a man who should be staring in his own romance novel. 

Jimmy rolled his eyes at himself. He could get so poetical… That reminded him of his books. In the other flat, kept by Alfred. Anger rose up and his hands clenched into fists. Alfred knew, he knew how important those books were to Jimmy. Why had he kept them? To punish him? All the reasons he never told Alfred, or his father, even his mother rushed through him. Scared of not being understood, seen as lessor, seen as a sinner. 

But he’d been a sinner anyway, his whole life, even if you took he attraction to men out of the equation. He swore, he partied, he slept around and he wasn’t really the nicest person on the block. He took his friends for granted. It all rolled together. 

“Jimmy?”

Jimmy startled out of his head at Thomas’ voice and he met his eyes. Smoke hazy between them but Thomas’ eyes were intense and staring right at him. Like he knew him, like he understood. Jimmy watched as he moved, snuffed out the cigarette and closed the space between them. He moved with grace, Jimmy thought and he wondered what it be like to dance with him. He tried, he knew, when he was drugged but he didn’t remember and he felt everything inside of him twitch with the want of it. 

“Jimmy?” Thomas asked again as he stopped right in front of him. His face, his cheekbones, lips, pale skin and freckles. Jimmy licked his lips and stared at him. 

“I’m done,” Jimmy said. 

“Done?”

“Wanting space,” he clarified. 

Thomas grinned. “You mean you want help with all those clothes.”

 _No. No. That wasn’t it at all._ “Yeah,” he lied. 

Thomas touched his shoulder, the touch sending electricity down Jimmy’s spine and he watched Thomas walk passed him. Watched him walk down the hall and closed his eyes at it. Feeling too attracted. Feeling too much. The timing was all wrong. He sighed, took a breath and followed Thomas to his bedroom.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG this chapter is long but only like 2 things I had planned actually occurred. But I love being in these guys heads so hopefully it's enjoyable for you guys too.

Thomas paused by the couch on his way out of he flat. He had an early class and a paper due. One hastily written well after 2 am after he and Jimmy finally gotten his clothes settled. He glanced a the garment bags on his desk in he living room. Ready to go to Philip’s when Thomas had the time. But he hadn’t any right now but he was still nonetheless. 

Jimmy was sound asleep, the blanket Sybil given him tangled up in his legs, one arm splayed out over his head. His hair was sticking up in odd directions and Thomas could see the slow rise and fall of his chest. He looked peaceful, no clench in his jaw, no smiles that didn’t reach his eyes. He looked like a man asleep who had no worries. And bloody beautiful. Thomas sighed about it. Jimmy’s beauty, reaching under his skin, pulling him in. Drawing him to Jimmy. 

That was the only reason he was putting down his briefcase and carefully disentangling the blanket from Jimmy’s legs to resettle it over him. It was all the physical attraction, the lust pull because Jimmy was too bloody gorgeous to be ignored. Thomas dropped the blanket, his hand overing Jimmy’s face, he wanted to push aside the hair on his forehead. Just thread his fingers into his hair but he daren’t. He sighed again, feeling affronted and bent down. Briefcase back in his hand, he left the flat and made his way to his car. If he got to the college in time, he could look over this assignment one more time and maybe catch typos and badly worded sentences. He’d been yawning the entire he’d been writing it — remembering it only in the nick of time. He supposed he could get an extension, he never asked for them. Preferring to be on time, preferring to battle through his classes as efficiently as possible. They were a means to an end. 

He slipped into his car and sighed. He shoved his phone into it’s car charger and pulled out a cigarette. He needed to call Betwixt and assess the damage he’d done by staying home. Not that he regretted that decision, he didn’t reget it at all — that was a bit frightening if he was honest with himself. 

He pulled in a first drag on his cigarette, turned on the car and told his phone to call Betwixt. The phone rang three times too long and then his secretary Tori’s voice was in his ear, sounding hurried and clipped. 

“What’s wrong?” he barked. 

“Mr. Barrow… Oh. Nothing, really, just some things didn’t get properly written down last night. Things are bit hectic but they are under control. Will you be in after your classes as usual?”

“Of course.”

“Did you have an emergency last night?” 

“Yes,” he said fully believing it as the truth. It was an emergency.

“I hope all is well.”

“All is fine…” he felt annoyed. “What wasn’t done properly?”

Tori started speaking and Thomas quickly puffed down to the end of the cigarette. Branson fouled up about a dozen small but important things — but it was Thomas’s fault wasn’t it. He never told anyone how to properly do them because he was always doing it himself. Wanting it done right and that wasn’t good. He sighed as he saw a short coming in how he was running the club. It needed to be just as efficient without him as with him. How would he run his own clubs if he had to be at all of them at once. He couldn’t. He snapped at Tori a few times and then quickly apologized. He needed to be nicer too, he reminded himself. That was a constant battle, he rolled his eyes and made a few mental notes to teach Branson and a few others — he needed to learn their names — the things that Branson fouled up while Thomas was gone. 

“Alcott has asked to move the meeting about their party up to 4 pm instead of 3.”

“What, why?”

“They didn’t give a reason, just wanted to know if it was possible?”

“Fine, yeah…” he and Ian Alcott when back a ways and Thomas needed to keep him happy. He was one of the clients he planned to poach from Edith. In fact he was on he top of the list. Under Philip — but Philip was a given in the situation. “Maybe,” Thomas muttered his thoughts of Philip sour and conflicted. 

“What was that?”

“Nothing. I have to go but text me about the DJ.”

“Yes, Mr. Barrow.”

He ended the car and swung into the first parking slot he found. He got of the car and hurried into the campus and to his class. Sliding into the chair and pulling out the paper. He reread it quickly, happily surprised to see he hadn’t messed it up. It was quite good, really. Turned out he could do this stuff well, even when practically asleep. He grinned, quiet pleased with himself and pulled out his laptop to use it to take notes during the class. 

~~~

Jimmy woke up to the smell of coffee and the sound of a door closing. He sat up on the couch, surprised not to feel more disoriented by his whereabouts. But the more he thought about it, the less weird that was… He’d been waking up somewhere else other than his own home for a long time. Hell, it was almost usual it was in Thomas’ place. Though he’d prefer the bed to the couch, the couch was comfortable but the bed was soft, so soft. Thomas had the best pillows and the one he’d given Jimmy wasn’t from his bed. Not that he blamed Thomas for not sharing the good bedding. He wouldn’t have either. 

Jimmy stood up and stretched his spine out and yawed loudly. He stiffened a bit at the sound but the flat was quiet. He followed the scent of coffee and found the pot full and steaming. A note was on the counter beside it. 

_Sorry, Jimmy thought I’d be here today but my mother called upset about Mary. Just make yourself at home, sorry but we only have left over curry for to eat. We’ll discuss shopping later. Sybil._

His stomach growled at the thought of food. He was starving, he’d eaten nothing the day before. Just downed water after water. He opened the cupboards and found their mugs. Most of them were white or red, but he saw a blue one and grabbed for it. As he pulled it out he saw it read… I Heart Timepieces. He thought about Thomas’ small collection of watches and grinned. He poured himself coffee and frowned. He needed sugar. He opened cupboards here and there and finally found one that had sugar in it. But not much. He opened more cupboards and the refrigerator. He grabbed himself some curry for his breakfast — that will wake him up. 

He sat down at the counter, looking at all the cupboards he knew were basically empty of food and the empty refrigerator. Withe hours Thomas kept and with the hours Sybil was at the hospital, this was probably a normal state of things. But he was here, he could at least do this for them…   
He’d be lost without them. If Alfred thrown him out and Thomas hadn’t been there. He doesn’t know what would’ve done. He couldn’t have gone home — his father knew now too and his reaction was bound to be worse than Alfred’s all things considered. That hurt still, Alfred just turning against him, no thought about it, no guilt. No Alfred thought he’d done the right thing and he was probably saying that to Ivy every chance he got… 

His eyes stung and he blinked rapidly, trying to stave off more tears. He focused on the coffee and the curry. It wasn’t the weirdest breakfast he ever had — no that had been the snails Anstruther made him try one morning at her place. Breakfast in her bed, they’d stayed naked for over two days. It might not even been breakfast now that he thought about it. 

Anstruther. He needed to deal with that. He knew what needed to do — no wanted to do. But he was afraid of her. He was afraid she wheedle him and charm him. She pull him into her web and he forget he wanted to leave. He shook his head. No. He had to walk away from her, he was using her and she wasn’t good for him. All the drinking, she enabled it, she dressed him up and made him into an attraction. He loved attention and she gave it to him, in more ways than one. But it wasn’t anything but distraction and there was no turning back anymore. 

He was out and he hated how it happened. He let his life fall apart and into pieces. Running from himself and running away from his grief. When the whole time he knew his mother would disappointed in his reaction but it hurt too much. It still hurt too much but something had changed and shifted. Maybe he’d hit some form of rock bottom. He always thought those were more drastic situations. 

But then wasn’t this situation drastic it just been softened by Thomas. He still found himself friendless, homeless, he was alone in the world suddenly. When he’d been pretending his father was something who would be there for him when he wanted him — his father never been there for him. And now would want disown him. He hadn’t really had friends. Not when he knew Alfred would shut him out at the first mention of men. 

Ivy. He used her, he ignored her, he deserved her anger and confusion. He deserved to lose her. He really did. He wiped at his eyes and looked at the refrigerator again. Knowing it was basically empty except for curry, mustard and what looked like a jar of artichoke hearts. He knew what he needed to do. He stood up and walked down the hall and into Thomas’ room. 

It looked like his room again. Organized, neat, simple but elegant. His stuff hidden under the bed and in the closet. Jimmy opened the closet and found another t-shirt to throw on. Everything else was too wrinkled. He found his second favorite pair of jeans and frowned at not finding his favorite. “Damn it,” he swore. But he couldn’t even think about heading back over to the other flat. He needed — he needed to know Alfred wasn’t there. But what would he do about the piano? Maybe Anstruther will want it back? No, he hated that idea. 

Soon he was showered and dressed. He found the keychain, Thomas had put a key on sitting on the dresser. It held the key to the flat. Jimmy again wondered where his actual keys were. For Alfred’s, for his car, for his dad’s place. For a life he didn’t have anymore. He swore to himself realizing he couldn’t even drive his car because he couldn’t keep his own life straight. 

Straight. He laughed a bit madly and made his way out of the flat. Pushing buttons on his phone. He could probably find a place to go for food that wasn’t too far from the flat. It was in a good location, it was part of why they’d taken the lease here, despite the smallness of the flat. He liked walking, he muttered to himself and then his phone buzzed. 

Sally Anstruther’s name flashed at him. 

“Rip it off like a bandaid,” he mumbled. “Hello.”

“Jimmy, sweetheart. You haven’t called me back, I’ve been worried.”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you dear? Let me send the car…”

“No,” his shout made him wince. “I mean, Sally… I…”

“Sweetheart don’t let that incident make you do something silly.”

“Incident.”

“I don’t give one whit if you like boys, Jimmy. In fact, I could rather quite enjoy that with you…”

Jimmy closed his eyes and tried to picture himself with her and another man. And it made him squirm uncomfortably and just reminded him that being with her at been as much as sex than attention and too much to drink. The more he slept with her, the more he told himself his attraction to men didn’t matter. He was choosing women, she was all women and she was older and rich. And she kept feeding his ego. 

“Jimmy? Jimmy?”

He realized he zoned out on her and laughed a bit to himself. “Look, Sally, I’m sorry it’s over.”

Silence. 

Jimmy held his breath and willed her to break it. But all he heard was her breathing. It was soft and barely there but he could hear it because there was nothing else to hear. He was in the hallway of the building, half way to the elevator and not a soul near him or any other ambient noises. He closed his eyes and started praying for her to talk. 

“It’s him isn’t it,” she said finally. 

“Who?”

“Don’t be coy, Jimmy.”

“This isn’t about Thomas.”

“Got it in one,” she laughed but it was bitter. Then there was a loud sigh. “I suppose I knew I couldn’t keep you for too long. You are far to bright, your star is rising and you don’t need my help at all with it.”

Jimmy felt guilt settle all around him. He took in a deep breathe. “I don’t… you’ve been amazing Sally and helpful And it isn’t I don’t care about you, I do…” he felt horrible about ending it suddenly but he knew he couldn’t take it back. “I really wish you the best.”

She was silent again for a long time. “We’re friends, always, Jimmy. You ever do need me, I am a phone call away. I mean it. I will always be on your side.”

“I… Thank you.”

“I do hope he makes you happy.” 

“Who?”

“You know who,” she chuckled. “Remember. I’m always here. Goodbye, Jimmy.”

“Bye,” he echoed her but his mind was on Thomas. On her insinuation. On him being someone who could make Jimmy happy. Thomas. His mouth felt dry and his barely noticed as he walked into the elevator. Fear bubbled up in his chest. Was it that obvious how much Jimmy was drawn to him? How much Jimmy wanted to touch him? How much Jimmy would settle for just talking with him despite the craving to kiss him? Was he so transparent? Had she even seen them toegether? How would she know? She only seen brief glances of them hadn’t she? Was it so apparent? 

It terrified him. He didn’t want to think about other people seeing it. He didn’t want anyone to see it. He wanted it private. It was intimate, it was his and his alone. Well and Thomas’. Thomas was in on it, he knew, they both knew there was something. There was a definite something but it wasn’t… 

It wasn’t something Jimmy could afford. Not now. So he pushed it aside and started using his phone to figure out where he could walk to get some damn food to put into the bare cupboards and fridge. 

~~~

Thomas hurried into his office. Ian Alcott and his business associates all stood up from the couch as he walked in. He flashed them a smile and hoped he was fooling them but not looking to harried. “Sorry, I’m late.”

“Tori mentioned a family emergency?” Ian asked and Thomas caught his gaze and saw confusion and curiosity in it. Thomas felt suddenly bared, remembering for the first time in years where he first met Ian. 

“Yes… a close friend was in need of some help.”

“Oh… a friend,” Ian gave him a knowing grin. “I guess not only Philip has moved on.”

“Nothing like that, I’m quite happy being single,” he said smoothly. “Now, Tori said that Emma showed you the room and the plans?”

“Yes, Emma…. She’s quite easy on the eyes and says she’s usually behind the bar?”

“She is usually, though I’ve found she’s someone I can count on in a pinch,” Thomas said and told himself to make a note about that… putting her on the list of people to train to run the ship when he isn’t at the wheel. Why did the thought make him itch so much? 

“She seems quite qualified, but she’s not you… Thomas. I like the way you run things and you always keep your eye on the ball, doing things how I want it.”

“Of course, and I assure you I will be on hand during the entire night. I will double check everything and I do apologize about being late.” He gritted his teeth, he hated apologizing and he was starting to feel annoyed by Ian’s behavior. 

Ian grinned at him and Thomas noted how insincere it was, but it was the right smile, it was the professional smile and it meant that while things gone a bit astray from Thomas’ absence that he still had a satisfied customer. One that would follow him from this club to his own. 

“It really is quite amazing, Thomas.”

“What’s that?”

“How far you’ve come after… your misfortunes. You should be quite impressed with yourself. I doubt I’d be here now if I’d been in your boat.”

“Well, we all do what we have to, don’t we,” Thomas replied forcing himself to remain pleasant. This would blow over. Ian remembered how they’d first met but that wouldn’t stay on his mind. He’d forget again, they always did, they always forgot because it wasn’t something one thought about. No one ignored it because that was the best way to not think about unpleasant things. 

“I’ll see you later tonight, we should have a drink together.”

“Of course, Ian. I’ll look forward to it.” 

Ian nodded as he and his associates left Thomas’ office. He walked behind them and closed the door behind them. He let out a frustrated growl. There were things he didn’t like being reminded about. At all. There was a knock on the door. He groaned and opened it. 

“I have that list of details you need to tend too for you?” Tori held out a piece of paper. The one he’d asked for as he hurried by her desk. He took a deep breathe and grinned at her. “Thank you. Could have Emma and Branson come down?”

“Of course, Mr. Barrow.”

He walked over to his desk, pulled out a cigarette. As he lit it, he wondered how the hell he’d ever quit. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he fished it off, already feeling another wave of irritation expecting it to be Philip. Only it was Jimmy and he felt suddenly like he could breathe again. 

_You and Sybil aren’t vegetarians are you?_

Thomas found himself laughing at the randomness of the question. 

_No._

_Good. You guys like chocolate?_

_Of course._ Thomas frowned at the screen trying to figure out what was going on. 

_I broke up with Anstruther._

Thomas grinned immediately at the message, he sat up straight and nodded his head. _Good._

_Yeah, I feel pretty good about it. Do you like kiwis?_

_Where are you?_ Thomas finally asked. 

_Thought I get food for the flat… don’t argue._

Thomas sat back in his chair and fought the urge to argue with him. 

_Sybil loves kiwis._

_And you?_

_Strawberries._

_Noted._

The door opened and Thomas disappointment rushed through Thomas. _I have to go — putting out fires._

_Cause you stayed home?_

_No. It’s just running a business._

_I’ll get strawberries. See you._

Thomas shook his head at the phone. Then he looked up and saw Emma and Branson staring at him with confused expressions. He motioned at them to sit down. Took a deep breath and started to talk about training them to take on more responsibility.


	28. Chapter 28

Thomas looked at his watch after parking his car. It was nearly six am, which wasn’t an odd time for him to finally find his way home. But it was on the later side of his work schedule. The day had been long and aggravating. He was angry at himself for not training people but annoyed at the fact he had to at all — if I’s and T’s needed dotting and crossing he wanted to fucking do it. But he knew better, he knew others needed to know all the nuances and details. He couldn’t effectively run what he hoped would be more than one night club without it. Branson was his best employee — he hated that too but it was fact. And he’d grown fond of Emma after she proved invaluable by remembering the face of the man giving away drugs. He thought he just might keep her and groom her.

It’d been a long day of him explaining things and trying to show them both what he was doing and why — he was a crap teacher it turned out and it hadn’t gone well at all. But he would power through, he didn’t mind if they hated him but at the same time he wanted to inspire loyalty. That might be a limitation he thought because he was just not actually a people person. Why the hell had he chosen this as his dream? 

Shaking his head he winced his back muscles were tense and ached. He opened the car door and started daydreaming about the long and hot shower he was going to take. It was all he wanted. Pounding hot water on the back of his neck and then he’d fall into bed for awhile because he had another damn morning class later today. A yawn escaped him as he thought about how exhausted he felt. He put his key in the lock and opened the door to his flat. 

Jimmy was sitting on the couch strumming his guitar. Brow furrowed. His mouth was moving but Thomas couldn’t make out what he was saying. He stopped playing and went back and repeated something. Thomas stood where he was realizing Jimmy hadn’t heard him walk in. Caught up in what he was doing. He was wearing a worn-thin t-shirt and Thomas watched how his back muscles moved as he played. His closed his eyes and reminded himself that his attraction had to pushed to the side, shoved away. It was a bad idea to have it on the surface. Such a bad, bad, bad, bad idea….

“Hello, Jimmy,” he said to announce his arrival.

Jimmy stopped mid-chord and looked over his shoulder. “Hey.”

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”

Jimmy laughed. “Got a bit in, can’t sleep much though… to much going on in me brain.”

Thomas nodded understanding that all too well. He dropped his briefcase and laptop onto his desk and headed toward the kitchen. He needed something to drink. He felt parched suddenly and realized he’d been so busy he hadn’t had time to sit and rest at all. Which meant while he drunk a glass of wine Alcott and talked about absolutely nothing of importance, he hadn’t made time for water or a snack. His stomach growled in agreement and shook his head. At least he could have water. He opened the refrigerator and his mouth dropped open. 

“Got you strawberries,” Jimmy said. “Bottom shelf.”

But Thomas was transfixed because he was pretty sure the refrigerator had never been this full before. There were condiments, a chicken, and did that wrapped up lump say Salmon? There were kiwis, strawberries, yogurt, orange juice and mango juice and what looked like a pitcher of iced tea. He grabbed that and stepped out to put it on the counter and looked at Jimmy. Wondering where the hell he came from? Again, he thought, that was recurring Jimmy theme in his mind.  
Jimmy grinned at him. “Did you not believe me?”

“I forgot… and no, I believed you. But this is a lot Jimmy, you have to let Sybil and me chip in.”

“Not this time,” Jimmy argued. “Going forward, yeah… but I’m good with doing it. Obviously, you two need it.”

Thomas nodded because he couldn’t argue, he and Sybil were rubbish at keeping food and usually ordered in. They knew the delivery people, the people on the other end of the phone knew their names. “Thank you, Jimmy.”

“It’s no big deal.”

Thomas turned to see he hopped up on the counter and was wearing black boxer shorts which meant his eyes dropped to his thighs, his legs, his feet. He turned away to fend off the temptation to stare because damn it he wanted to stare and stare. He found himself a glass and poured himself the iced tea and a yawn fought it’s way out of his throat. 

“You must be knackered.”

“Putting it mildly.”

“I’ll get out of your hair,” Jimmy hopped off the counter. “Will the guitar bother you?” 

Thomas glanced over his shoulder at where the guitar was on the coffee table. He looked back at Jimmy. “Were you writing a song?”

“Trying too… it’s not really working. Thoughts are too jumbled. Thought if I tried to harness that into music it might help. But…” 

“Could try writing it down.”

“Like in a diary?” Jimmy made a face.

Thomas laughed but… he wanted to help and it’d been the first thing to spring to mind. He did it, Sybil did it…. _Edward did it_. “Not really but it’s just something I do — though haven’t in weeks but sometimes you get harried to.”

“Really? I don’t know rubbish at even thinking those thoughts.”

Thomas nodded. “Same… but it’s not meant to be read.”

“I wouldn’t… I have no paper… FUCK.”

“What?”

“He bloody has my laptop, what the hell — and why am I just realizing this?”

“Must not use it much.”

“Keep realizing how much is still in that bloody apartment. And I have no way of getting into it when they aren’t there.”

“Actually.” Thomas crossed the room to his desk and popped open his briefcase and he pulled out Jimmy’s keys. He dangled them out in front of him and Jimmy grabbed them.

“Figures they were at Betwixt.”

“Luckily they turned up in the lost and found.”

“Good, I can go grab stuff later,” Jimmy said but he turned in the direction of the other flat and his expression shifted from pleased to something sad and lost. It made Thomas’ chest ache and he wanted to say something, to reach out — but Jimmy didn’t want to talk about it and he wouldn’t push him. 

“It won’t bother me,” Thomas heard himself say finally. 

“Huh?” Jimmy looked back at him.

“The guitar.” 

“Oh,” Jimmy glanced at it. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Thomas said. 

“We made this…” Jimmy sighed. “I keep remembering all times Alfred and I made those teenaged kind of pacts of being friends forever. Promising not to let Ivy mess up our friendship. Or any other girls for that matter. There was this one time when we were like 8 or something. We did some blood brother thing, copied it from some movie.” He ducked his head down and started laughing. 

“I’m not the sentimental type, at least didn’t think I was… Forgot all about all those stupid kids things. But now I remember them and it’s because I know… I know I lost him. He won’t come around. He just won’t. And thing is neither will Pop but that bothers me a hell a lot less than Alfred. Liked him better I guess.” 

“Sod him.” He was angry with the stupid red-headed git. “He’s not worth it if finding out you’d like a shag a guy ends a lifelong friendship. Might not be sentimental but you cared more about those dumb promises than he did, if that’s all it takes to break them.”

Jimmy wiped his eyes with his arm but he was nodding. He took in a sharp breathe. “I don’t know why I keep telling you these things, you’re just easy to talk to.”

“Never heard that before,” Thomas laughed. 

“It’s true, though…” he shook his head. “I should let go get some sleep.”

“I’m not tired,” Thomas lied.

“Well, you look like shit.” 

“I do not.”

Jimmy’s mouth twitched slowly into a smile. “You’re still fucking hot, but yeah you look like shit. Hot shit.”

“Hot shit,” Thomas shook his head. 

“Come on, I know you barely slept the other night and you’re not today too, right?”

“No. Price of having to take morning classes.”

“Right? So, you can create your evil empire of nightclubs.”

Thomas smirked. “I like that. Evil empire.”

“Well, what else would be?” Jimmy laughed. “And evil masterminds need sleep.”

Thomas body betrayed him with a yawn. Jimmy started laughing. Thomas glared at him and Jimmy stepped forward, invading into his body space and grabbed his arm. “Bedtime.”

His nose filled with Jimmy and he could feel his body heat. They were too close and warning bells where going off but there was no stopping it. Thomas found himself moving toward his bedroom. Jimmy pulled him through the door, and he felt hands on him, maneuvering him toward the bed. But he reached out and grabbed at Jimmy’s arms before he was pushed bodily onto it. 

“Jimmy…” he was shaking his head but now they were staring right at each other. His hands on Jimmy’s biceps and Jimmy’s hands on his shoulders. They teetered a bit at Thomas suddenly resisting Jimmy’s intent. 

Jimmy’s eyes widened but he tightened his grip on Thomas. “I didn’t…” his eyes fell to Thomas mouth. Thomas felt his own dip, Jimmy lips were full and looked soft and he’d already imagined what they may feel like pressed against his own. Too often, the warning bells were ringing but Thomas was aware but they weren’t penetrating, they weren’t working. He slid a hand up Jimmy’s arm and to the back of his neck, heated skin against his palm. Jimmy ran hot, he thought and didn’t that make perfect sense. 

One of Jimmy’s hands slide off his shoulder and down his chest, over his heart and he felt his face heat because Jimmy would be able to feel how hard his heart was pounding. Could he hear it like Thomas could? He licked his lips and tried to remember why he wasn’t supposed to lean forward. But he did lean forward just enough, his eyes darting up to catch Jimmy’s gaze. He was met with a deep blue stare and lost his breathe. He hovered. Jimmy tilted forward but then he froze, eyes widened.

“Shit…” Jimmy pushed Thomas away gentle but it was loud and clear. He looked panicked as he averted his eyes. “I just… goodnight, morning, whatever.”

Thomas watched him leave the room and how he closed the door behind him. Putting more than simple space between them. His heart was in his ears and there was a lump in his throat. He closed his eyes and all the bells were suddenly loud and clear: 

He was outed.  
He was still struggling.  
He lost all his friends and family.  
He’s a mess.

Oh, and Philip. 

Thomas sat down on his bed with a lurch and leaned forward, head in his hands. He was an ass.

~~~

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck; he heard it in every beat of his heart. He got to the living room and spun back around. He could see Thomas’ door. Had he slammed it behind him. He’d been in a hurry to get away but now he wanted to rush back in. He closed his eyes and shook his head. How could he want something so badly and not want it all at the same time. 

But it was Thomas.

This wasn’t some guy, this wasn’t… This was Thomas. Thomas, Thomas, Thomas, Thomas. He closed his eyes and tried to slow his breathing but he was panting, it was harsh to his ears. He was upset. He was close to tears and fuck, he was tired of crying. Tired of tears attacking him as he thought about the mess he’d made of everything. 

He can’t make a mess out of Thomas. He can’t. He can’t let that become a mess because it’s the only thing in his life that does make sense. Thomas makes sense even if he’s too much sometimes. Even if he’s too intense, even all he can think about is how he wants to touch him. 

They almost kissed and he’d started it. Grabbed him and pulled him into his bedroom. What was that? What was he thinking? He just wanted him to get some sleep. He looked like hell and Jimmy was the reason he wasn’t getting sleep. He needed Thomas to sleep, that had been his goal but then there they were at the edge of his bed and Thomas pushed back, their eyes locked and that thing happened. That thing that was between them buzzed loud and clear in Jimmy’s eyes and he saw Thomas’ mouth and thought it would be completely natural to just kiss it. 

He groaned at the thought and he believed it too. He believed it but they couldn’t. They just couldn’t because nothing was settled. His live was a mess, he was a mess and he was grateful to have Thomas but he wasn’t going to impose his craziness onto him. Thomas had his own problems, Jimmy thought and he remembered Dick of Crowborough and sighed. He didn’t owe that guy shit, but Thomas was with him, Thomas must love him? Jimmy immediately doubted that but it just made it all the more fucked up. He laughed, wryly, and made his way to the couch. He sat down and picked up his guitar. He needed to calm down, it was a lapse, both of them knew it wasn’t time.

_Yet._


	29. Chapter 29

It was a Tuesday and Jimmy knew Alfred, Ivy and Daisy were all at their jobs. He’d put it off long enough but he didn’t feel ready at all. The only thing driving him to do it was impatience. He wanted his stuff back and he had the means to get it. He stuck the key in the lock and turned it. Then stepped into the flat that was no longer his to claim. But he never claimed it. He didn’t care about the walls that made it up. He didn’t care about any of it. He just cared about his things. No not things, they weren’t things. His books were from his mother, the small bookcase was a gift from Ivy — for the books. Though he also used it for his CDs. His small stereo was one of the first things he’d bought himself once he started earning money. 

“You can do this,” Jimmy muttered to himself. But his eyes went right to the piano. It was beautiful and it shined, unlike anything else surrounding it. He walked over to it and pressed down on the keys. Perfectly in tune. He sighed and stepped backward. He felt strange about it now, about Anstruther giving it to him. About why she did? About why he let her. He reached out and touched the keys again and he wished he could take it. He wished he could pick it up and just take it with him to Thomas’ flat. But he couldn’t and he wasn’t sure if he should want too. 

His emotions were swirling again and he hated it. He hated it. He felt like he was walking on a moving carpet. It kept upending him and he never knew when or why… Though maybe he should have seen it coming with the piano. He craved it, he’d wished for it, he saved money for it — and then Sally just gave it to him for reasons he doubted he’d ever truly understand. 

Either way it was his but he couldn’t claim it. And it was something he wanted to claim. Jimmy sighed and pressed a few keys and then forced himself to turn his back on it. He made his way toward the room he shared with Alfred and for some reason he started to feel like he might be walking into a trap. He shook it off and opened the door.

The first first thing he noticed was that his bed had been disassembled. It’s parts were leaned against a wall. Sitting there probably waiting for Alfred to move them into storage or something. It opened up the room, Alfred had a lot more room now. Tall git needed it, Jimmy thought. It hurt thinking about him, so he thought about his books instead. Where were they? He looked around for the bookcase and frowned. Where the fuck Alfred put it? It was small, Jimmy had put it under the window, as its top was level with the bottom of it. 

He walked over to Alfred’s bed, checked both sides of it and under it. Then he walked over to the closet, his breathe held because if it wasn’t in there. Where was it? Was he going to have to fight Alfred for his stuff? Why hadn’t he thrown everything into Jimmy’s car in the first place. He opened the closet and breathed in sharply. It was there, on it’s side, the books tumbled out of it, some of them open at odd angles. 

Jimmy kicked the closet door in anger. At the sight of the books — his mother’s gifts — tossed aside and disregarded. He kicked it again and again. Until he realized he’d torn the wood of it, splintered it causing a crack to rise upward. He stopped and stared at it and felt not one ounce of guilt. “Good,” he muttered. 

He dropped down to his knees and carefully picked up the books. He flipped the pages, taking in random words and phrases. He felt a bit of calm settle under his skin. It was like his mom’s singing. He closed his eyes and remembered her for just a moment. A breathe. Just a moment before the sadness would settle. He checked them all twice and then satisfied he closed them gently. His heart was less heavy knowing the books were now safe and back with him. He took another breath and righted the bookcase and checked if it’d been damaged. It was fine, he let a small breathe. Then he tucked the books under his arm, grabbed the bookcase with other hand and stood up. He’d take them back to the flat, then return to find his stereo and poke around to make sure there wasn’t anything else that was his that he should grab. 

But as he reached the door that led to the hallway he was startled by someone wielding a skillet screaming in his face. He screamed back and dropped the bookcase, cringing as it hit the ground and the person in front of him stared at him with big round eyes. 

“Jimmy?”

“Daisy?”

They spoke in unison and Daisy let out a loud sigh of relieve. “I thought… some madman was in the apartment. What was that noise?”

“Oh,” Jimmy rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I sort of kicked the shit out of the closet. I was pissed off. Alfred just threw my books into it…. But I mean that was a good few minutes ago.”

“Well… I thought maybe I was crazy cause it went all quiet. But I got closer and heard breathing. Then I just, I don’t know I ran to the kitchen and got this,” she waved the skillet about. “I don’t what I was thinking…was expecting an empty flat. Didn’t want Ivy trying to talk me out of it.”

Jimmy blinked and wished he knew Daisy a bit better. “If you thought a stranger was in here you really should have left and called the cops.”

“Oh,” she said. “I’ve taken self defense classes.”

“Then why’d you need the skillet.”

“I’m small?” She sighed. “I panicked and I was half hoping it was Alfred or Ivy… only half though. They’d just be preferable to a madman. Like I said I was counting on an empty flat and you were here kicking closets.”

“Sorry,” Jimmy offered. 

“Eh.” Daisy threw up her hands, skillet waving with the motion. Jimmy started laughing. “What?”

“You can put it down you know?”

She looked at it and started laughing. “Oh. I’m some sort of weird cliche aren’t I?”

“I don’t know.”

Daisy grew quiet and then she was just staring at him. Jimmy started to feel weird under her gaze and he shifted on his feet. “How are you?” she finally asked her voice serious. 

“I”m….” Jimmy trailed off. 

“Alfred’s not who I thought he was… I thought. I thought he was a bit like William.”

“William?”

“That was his name, my husband?”

Jimmy eyes widened at the memory. Daisy’s been briefly married to her high school sweetheart. He never found out more than that and now he felt like a jerk. “I’m…”

“Oh, don’t… I know. Everyone is sorry. You get tired of hearing it right?”

He nodded because he did. He had. He never wanted to hear it again in relation to his mother. “Yeah.”

“Yeah, well William was sweet, he was kind and he saw good in everything. I never knew what he saw in me, but he loved me, he loved me in a way I feel guilty about because I don’t think my love for him was as intense.” 

“He sounds like a good guy.”

“He was… and I thought. I thought Alfred was a bit like him. Kind hearted and cared about things and people.” 

“He is,” Jimmy argued automatically.

Daisy raised an eyebrow.

Jimmy sighed. “I keep forgetting.”

“That he threw you out?”

“No. Well, not really forgetting. It’s just a habit. Alfred’s my best mate. Alfred is the good one and I’m the bad boy. It’s me, Alfred and Ivy….” He trailed off. 

“Ivy will come around,” Daisy said. “She will. It just might take time, she’s confused and clinging to Alfred.” 

Jimmy sighed. 

“But Alfred is a homophobic fool and I’m glad I found now rather than later.” 

“Daisy why are you home?” Jimmy asked. 

“I’m packing up my things. I’m going to move back in with my father-in-law. He never wanted me to leave and I think, I think I left for the wrong reasons anyway…”

“It’s good, you have somewhere to go.”

“Ivy said you were next door.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, never even seen them but they must be nice.”

“Yeah…” Jimmy grinned. “Thomas is… Thomas is…” 

“Nice?”

“No,” Jimmy laughed. “Sybil’s nice. Thomas is…” Jimmy shook his head as the word ‘mine’ floated into his brain and back out again. Because he wasn’t about to deal with that thought. Not at all. 

“You like him?”

“Yeah.” Jimmy nodded. “But… it’s complicated.”

“I knew, you know.”  
“I knew.”

“What happened? Cause I saw the video and I know you can out dance pretty much anyone, but you seemed different. Then you were kissing that guy — and I know you only do that drunk, but you usually sneak off.”

“Just how did you know?”

Daisy giggled. “Unlike Ivy and Alfred, I use my eyes. I mean how Alfred never noticed you sneaking out at the parties we went to together to snog a guy here and there is beyond me. And Ivy, Ivy just sees you not what you’re doing.”

“That makes no sense,” he said.

“It makes perfect sense.”

“Okay.”

“Anyway, I saw you a time or two. And what happened on that dance floor was not your M.O.”

“No. I, um… I took a pill some guy gave me.”

Daisy surged forward and whacked his arm with skillet. 

“OW.”

“You took something a stranger just handed over to you.” She whacked him again.

“Stop that,” he jumped backward. 

“You stupid fool!” 

“I know, okay.”

She raised the skillet. “You better, Jimmy Kent.”

“I do, I do,” Jimmy said.

“All right. I”m going to go pack. If you need help looking for your things let me know.”

“Well, got the most important here. Going drop them at the flat and come back for my stereo. Then take a look around.”

Daisy nodded. “Okay…. Um, what about the piano?”

“That… that’s more complicated.” 

“You know that old woman is a bad influence.”

Jimmy smiled. “I broke that off.”

Daisy grinned. “You seem… better you know? Which is probably not how you feel.”

“No, it’s not. But I do?”

“Yeah. Lighter. Less angry, which given that you should be angry with Alfred is… interesting.”

“Yeah…I did kick the shit out of the closet. But what I feel about Alfred is… complicated.”

“Lot of that going around.”

“Welcome to the mess of my life. 

“It’ll be okay, Jimmy,” she stepped forward. 

He instinctively stepped back.

“I’m not going to hit you.”

“You sure…”

She stepped up to him and went onto her tip toes and kissed his cheek.

Jimmy nodded, emotions swirling again inside of him and he was afraid to speak or breathe. He might cry and he wasn’t doing that in front of Daisy. 

“I’ll be in my room,” she repeated as she left Alfred’s. 

Jimmy took in a deep breathe and hoped she was right. Hoped he was lighter because he was tired of the anger and running. He really was tired of it all, he just wanted to feel like himself and he could admit it now. He could admit to a part of who he was and maybe, maybe he could figure out the rest because of it.


	30. Chapter 30

Jimmy was still awake when Thomas left for his class. They talked, kidded really and everything had felt pleasantly nice. Comfortable and easy, no awkwardness at all after that almost kiss. And it wasn’t surprising that they were fine. That ease had been there from their first meeting. But it constantly surprised Thomas who rarely felt all that comfortable around other people. It took him time to warm up, with everyone — even Sybil and Edward. They were the most important people in his life, they got under his skin the fastest and the deepest. But it had taken time. With Edward it took little time, because Thomas had been so drawn to his quiet intensity. With Sybil it took longer but her kind spirit made it impossible to not trust her in the end. Jimmy wasn’t like them. Jimmy wasn’t quiet, he had an intense charisma that pulled Thomas toward him. It entranced him and made him forget things. 

Well not things. 

Thomas sat down at his desk in his office at Betwixt and stared at the ugly green crystal blob Philip given him when he first got the job. It was atrocious but he kept it on his desk because it was from Philip. It meant a lot, Philip wasn’t one to give presents. But he knew what the job mean to Thomas, he understood Thomas’ ambitions — if not his work ethic. The job was a turning point, an important moment and Philip given him this gift. Thomas reached out and picked it up. He looked at it and thought it was the worst shade of green imagined. He really didn’t like it all… 

But it meant something. That’s what he kept coming too and the guilt settled over him. At how easily it was to forget that his current ‘break up’ with Philip was a lie, a ruse, it was game. They were still together, technically…. It wasn’t good when he had to remind himself, when he thought of it as a technicality. He put the paperweight back in its spot and remembered all the times he caught Philip cheating on him. 

The first, the fifth, the last time. 

The last time it hadn’t even surprised him. But it still hurt like hell. Wasn’t he enough? Was ever enough for Philip? Even now he wondered as Philip gallivanted around with Mary Crawley. He thought about Philip’s own ambitious and Philip’s father’s limitations on how Philip could earn them… 

But like Philip understood Thomas’ ambitious he understood Philip’s. He understood them and he empathized with Philip’s need to not totally turn his back on his father. In a way. To a point. Philip’s father was a flawed man and horrible father. But he was better than Thomas’ father, it was a low bar but it was the truth. But Philip was terrified it could happen and maybe it could or would… 

But where did that leave Thomas? Philip wouldn’t marry Mary Crawley. No, Mary loved herself too much to marry a man who would never want her. No, it wouldn’t happen — but Philip could marry someone else, a woman, he could. He was capable of doing it to keep his inheritance. He spoke about never doing it, never truly considering it. But Thomas knew. 

And was he okay with that? All for Philip’s ambitions? 

Philip was his first. Philip was a friend — he frowned thinking about Sybil’s words and shook his head. They were friends? Weren’t they? They’ve known each other since they fifteen? Fourteen? Forever. He owed Philip honesty and he owed him loyalty. 

Jimmy made that fucking hard. He sighed, his mind back in his bed room. Jimmy’s strength, his hands digging into Thomas’s skin and his mouth. That beautiful damn mouth. If he hadn’t panicked Thomas would’ve kissed him, nothing was going to stop him. 

Because he forgot Philip in that moment. 

He couldn’t cheat. He wouldn’t cheat. He knew how it hurt, and maybe it wouldn’t cut Philip into pieces in the same way, but Philip had a heart. It would hurt him. 

What really bothered him was that was the last reason on his list of why he couldn’t kiss Jimmy. Jimmy wasn’t ready, he’d fled in a panic when he realized what they were about to do. He’d run and Thomas understood. It hadn’t hurt, it just made him feel like a heel. Jimmy’s life was upside down and had been for a long time. What Jimmy needed was a friend. A friend, not someone else to add to the chaos he was feeling inside. Thomas wasn’t sure how good he was at being a persons friend. But he was going to try, he had to try…. All of that was more important than the possibility of hurting Philip. “I’m a bastard.” 

He started to stand up. He needed to do his walk around, it was going onto ten o’clock when his office door just flew open. Edith Crawley walked right up to him and shoved her phone into his face. He ended up on his chair, wheeling it back enough to actually see what was on her phone. 

It was Jimmy, dancing all dirty, it was pure sex. He watched for a moment, entranced and had to force himself to look away before Pamuk punched him. He laughed a bit, realizing Pamuk hadn’t even bruised him, Jimmy only fallen due to the mix of mystery drug and alcohol. 

“Where is he?”

“Jimmy?”

“Yes, him.”

“He’s home.”

“Why?”

“Because he…” he shook his head. No he wasn’t sharing Jimmy’s personal life with Edith. “He is. Why?”

“It’s been days and he hasn’t been back here. People are talking about him, everywhere. This is viral and other videos of it are doing nearly as well. People are asking about why he hasn’t been back on the dance floor since. They want to see him. Haven’t you been keeping up with it?”

No. He made a face, at himself, he really should be keeping up on it all. But he’d been focused on Jimmy himself and not his tabloid cred. Which was apparently high and understandably so. He stood up. “He’ll be back, don’t worry.”

“Soon?”

“I don’t know. But probably,” Thomas snapped as he stood up.

“I want this to be noticed, remembered Thomas. You ensured me you could keep it on the map.”

“I can and will. He’ll be back, the mystery is good. People are anticipating him, this is a good thing. When he shows up they’ll be even happier than if he’d just come right back.”

Edith made a face as she contemplated that. “That is a good point.”

“I know.”

“Very well… everything else is running smoothly?”

“Of course.”

“Good. I’ll let you get to it, I need to go home and write an article. I’ve gotten a job working for Michael Gregson , for Modern Voices, you’ve heard of it I’m sure?”

Thomas schooled his features. He’d of course heard of it, it was an elitist, pretentious magazine for people who liked to hear themselves talk. So of course Edith, Philip and others in their circles loved it. He thought it was stupid, putting it mildly “Congratulations.”

“Well, off I go… do get him back here soon.”

“His name is Jimmy.”

“Yes, whatever…” Edith waved her hand and disappeared as quickly as she flitted in. Thomas glared after her and reminded himself that it was him that made Betwixt popular. It was him that kept this place running smoothly, no matter what she wanted to believe. It was him that was going to leave her in his dust while he went on and created better clubs of his own. 

He huffed as he straightened out his clothes and went to pick up his phone, which was on his desk, when it lit up. He paused, surprised to see Philip’s name on the screen. Why would he be calling? 

“Hello.”

“Hello, Thomas,” Philip sounded oddly formal. 

“What?” Thomas asked. 

“What?”

“What?” Thomas repeated and his brow furrowed. Was that a headache forming?

“No, nice to hear from you? I miss you?”

Thomas sighed and wondered what the hell to say to that, because fuck if he wasn’t missing him at all. _Bastard that you are._

“I thought you may have called by now,” Philip said.

“Called?” Thomas was confused. “I though the point was to focus on Mary.”

“And how does hearing from you take away from that? I don’t want to be here with her, putting layers of sunscreen on her because god forbid she let her pale skin turn pink.”

“That must be a task.” Thomas rolled his eyes. 

“She’s ignoring me.”

“Is she?”

“There is this man. A Matthew Crawley here and she’s quite caught up with him.”

“Is he a relation?”

“No. That’s the funny story,” Philip sounded like he didn’t find it funny at all. “She was given a package for a M. Crawley. It was paperwork for a lawyer, she inquired at the desk and gave it to him — and they’ve been inseparable since. I have to keep dragging her away for photo-op opportunities. I’m quite bored. You should have followed us down.”

“I have work,” Thomas said, thinking he was very bored with the whole story. He was also more clear on why Philip was calling him. 

“You never take a break, come on, come here.”

“That is not a good idea.”

“Thomas it’s beautiful here and I rather protect your porcelain skin than hers.”

Thomas rolled his eyes. 

“Come.”

“I can’t… I have my classes and the club.”

“You can afford a few days off… a week.”

“No, I can’t.” It was a headache forming. 

“You don’t miss me do you.”

Thomas sighed. 

“It’s him.” 

“No,” Thomas argued despite it being a lie. But it wasn’t all of it, it wasn’t just Jimmy. “Its…”

“Is it payback.”

“What?”

“For all the times I cheated.”

“Nothing is happening with him.”

“Really?” Philip didn’t believe him. 

“No.” Almost doesn’t count. 

“No… yeah. Mary’s actually here, got to go.” Philip hung up. 

Thomas ended the call on his end and shoved his cell into his pocket. Wishing it was easy to shove away that conversation. It solved nothing, it was the same old arguments. Jimmy wasn’t the problem but he was what was highlighting the problem. It was ending, Thomas thought. He and Philip, it was ending and it bothered him. It bothered him a lot but what really bothered him was it didn’t feel like it bothered him enough. 

~~~

Jimmy walked into a pub, his stomach growling but first he was going inquire about the help wanted sign he spotted on the window. Then he’d order a beer and some fish and chips. Because he’d been filling out applications since finishing up clearing Alfred’s and Ivy’s flat of his own belongings. He helped Daisy get her stuff to her car as well. They’d chatted easily and more than ever had and Jimmy promised himself to keep in touch with her. 

But he had to focus on a job next, so he’d gotten himself out and about. If he didn’t find one, he was afraid he’d let Thomas just hand him one and he was over letting people do that for him. Anstruther was enough, he didn’t like, he didn’t and the only reason he was willing to stay with Thomas and Sybil, was he was going to make them let him pay his share. Which meant a job. He walked into pubs and shops, just looking for help wanted signs. Tomorrow he’d check the paper and but here was one last place. And he liked the atmosphere so he’d stay for some food. 

“I saw the job wanted sign?” He said with a grin at the girl standing behind a stand filled with menus and the seating chart. 

“Yeah, it’s for a bartender, you got experience. Cause they don’t want anyone with none.”

“Of course, I do, darling.”

She gave him a look than he watched her mouth curl up into a smile. “Okay, wait here then.”

Jimmy nodded and stood where he was, hands in his pockets and looked around the place. His eyes falling on a small stage in a corner. Piano and guitar on it and he wondered who played there? Were there open mic nights? His band obviously broken up now, with Alfred hating him and all. He frowned and looked down at his feet. Just don’t think about it, he muttered under his breath. 

“Hey, um…” a voice distracted him.

He looked up and saw a fairly cute guy looking right at him. 

“You’re that guy aren’t you.”

“Guy?”

He pulled out his phone, Jimmy watched his thumbs working on the touch screen. “Here… this is totally you.” 

Jimmy eyes widened when he saw himself on the screen dancing. He grabbed the guys phone and stared. His mouth dropped open. His first thought was damn he looked good. His second was he didn’t even know half the dance moves he was doing, what the hell was that? But then he was grabbed Pamuk’s face and he had shove the phone back at the guy. 

“Like have you not seen it?”

“No,” Jimmy said and ran his hands through his hair. “Been kind of in hiding.”

“Why?”

“It’s a long story,” Jimmy said. 

“I’m Rex Woods.”

“Jimmy Kent.”

Rex held out his hand. “Nice to meet you…. You want join me and my friends?” he pointed with his thumb behind him.

Jimmy looked at the group and back at Rex. Rex was eyeing him up and down. A weird feelings settled over Jimmy. He could do this, he didn’t have to hide it. This guy didn’t even know he was ever in the closet. This was… He could do this, if he wanted to, did he want to?

“We just got here, they’re all laughing at me I think.”

“Why?”

“Kind have a crush going on, you’re cuter in person.”

Jimmy felt himself blush a bit and he looked away. But then he looked back with his most charming grin. “I know.”

“Here’s the application,” the girl said and handed him a paper and a pen.

“I just gotta fill this out,” he said.

“Yeah, sure, just come over.”

“Yeah…” Jimmy nodded. He started to fill out the application. Putting Thomas down as his reference without reservation. He knew Thomas wouldn’t mind. He thought about Thomas and then glanced over at Rex. His feelings for Thomas were complicated. It was too much, it was almost too intense in some ways. He wasn’t ready for Thomas. At all. And Thomas wasn’t even free, he was taken… He looked over at Rex again, he was talking to his friends and they did seem to be laughing at him. He was cute. He was nice. There was no baggage and that was highly appealing. Joining him didn’t have to mean anything he thought and what could it hurt.


	31. Chapter 31

Jimmy was sitting on the floor flipping through the pages of one of his poetry books. He wasn’t truly reading it because what he was doing was remembering his mother. Because he could. It was a surprise to find himself able to think about her without feeling like he couldn’t breathe. It made him want to savor the memories filling his mind. He was afraid to leave the bubble of it, afraid maybe the next time it would go back to the shattering pain. But he heard the door creak and he looked up. Thomas appeared, looking like he’d walked out of a magazine in his white dress short and the black pants. His hair was still perfectly combed and Jimmy wondered how he pulled that off. He also felt the urge to mess it up, pull it forward a bit. He looked away to stop his imagination from continuing the thought. 

“You are getting sleep right?” Thomas asked him and then yawned. 

“Are you?” Jimmy countered but then he flashed to the other morning and how he’d tried to manhandle Thomas into bed. His cheeks burned and he looked away again. His heart pounding. 

“I will. Don’t need to rise early today,” Thomas said his voice wonderfully even. 

But when he looked up Jimmy was caught in Thomas’ gaze and he saw the memory of the other morning mirrored in his eyes. Thomas turned away from him to go into the kitchenette. Jimmy stood up and followed him. He hopped up on the counter and watched Thomas grab a strawberry and pour himself some iced tea. Thomas smirked when he saw Jimmy on the counter. “Saw you were reading. You got your books?”

“Yeah. Found a few other things of mine. Only thing left is the piano… I don’t know what to do about it. Was thinking it might be simpler to give it back to Anstruther…”

“Fuck that,” Thomas said. “Don’t do that, we’ll think of something.”

“Like what?”

Thomas shrugged. “That’s why I said _we’ll think of something._ ”

“I’m sorry, yes it was quite wise of you to put it that way,” Jimmy chuckled. 

Thomas grinned. “What are they?”

“What?”

“The books? You said your mum bought them?”

“Poetry mostly,” Jimmy said and felt his cheeks heating up again. “She said it’d be good for song writing. No idea if it is or not but I read them… like them even.” 

“Poetry? Edwa—“ Thomas coughed suddenly like he was trying to swallow up the name he’d been about to speak. His expression spoke of shock and then something Jimmy couldn’t begin to guess at. 

He fought to find something to say. He knew Edward was once Thomas’ boyfriend. He knew he loved him. And though he never been told he knew he was dead. He’d seen the pain etched on Thomas’ features and in his eyes at any mention of Edward. He was seeing it now in. He opened his mouth, thinking that he should distract him. Do something, anything, to pull the conversation to safer ground but he wasn’t given the chance. 

“Edward wrote poetry. He never let me read it. Ever. I don’t know why. He would say he had to keep his secrets. I’ve always curious though, wanted to know what he wrote. He was always so focused when he did. I would watch him, caught up in the concentration on his face. I don’t think he knew that.” 

“It was probably about you.” Jimmy breathed in sharply, he hadn’t meant to say it but it seemed the obvious answer. He knew he had lines and words in his head that were all about Thomas. 

Thomas ducked his head shyly. “Edward had a lot in his head besides me.”

“Yeah?” Jimmy asked but he expected no answer.

Thomas looked back up and their eyes met. “I don’t talk about him.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I just…” Thomas sighed. 

“I’d let you read it,” Jimmy spoke without meaning to again. 

“What?”

“I just meant, I’d let you read my stuff but that’s dumb,” he chuckled. “I plan to sing what I write. I mean everyone will read it — hear it. I’m babbling.” He was nervous and disarmed. The air felt charged, something important had taken place. He could practically taste it in the air, Thomas shared a piece of himself he never shared. Jimmy felt afloat. 

“You’ll be famous,” Thomas said.

“I hope,” Jimmy answered honestly. 

“I’m sure of it, Jimmy.”

“Why?”

“You already are for one.”

“What?”

“Edith Crawley crashed into my office today.”

“She is your boss.”

“Who never does a whit of work.” Thomas rolled his eyes. “I run that place.”

“I’m not arguing.” He held up his hands.

“Yeah, well she bust in tonight. Wanting to know where you were.”

“Me?”

“You’re quite the sensation. People are showing up looking for you, everyone is asking where you are…”

Jimmy felt his cheeks heat. “Because of that dance?”

“It, Anstruther’s collapse. You’re in… and it’s just the beginning.”

“How could you know that?”

Thomas crossed the space between them, backed Jimmy back up against the counter putting his hands on it, trapping Jimmy. “It’s impossible to look away from you.” 

“Maybe that’s just you.”

“I wish,” Thomas breathed out and his voice send a shiver down his spine. Jimmy wasn’t sure if he wanted to surge forward or lean backwards. They were so close, he could feel Thomas’ body even though they weren’t touching. Their eyes met and Jimmy wanted to look away but he couldn’t. 

“I met a guy.” Jimmy cringed the moment he blurted it out. Why had he done that? Thomas was no longer in his space, he was nearby but not too close. Or was it not close enough? Jimmy felt like his heart was in his throat and he was supposed to swallow it back down. But he couldn’t. 

“A guy?”

“He recognized me actually…” Jimmy ran his hands through his hair. “His name is Rex. Told him I’d meet him for a drink tomorrow.”

“Oh.”

“He’s nice, I ate dinner with him and his friends.”

“He recognized you?”

“Yeah. Showed me the video on youtube…. I looked good.”

“Yeah, you did,” Thomas gave him a small grin. “I gotta… go to bed.”

Jimmy nodded and watched Thomas walk away the words to stop him trapped in his throat. He was scared of him, of how he felt, of how it felt when he was close to him. It was like Thomas was all he could see. Thomas said he was impossible to not look at but it wasn’t him. That was Thomas.

He sighed and thought maybe he’d hurt Thomas when he mentioned Rex. But that seemed impossible. He wasn’t with Thomas, Thomas had a boyfriend and yeah their relationship seemed to be the definition of dysfunctional. But Thomas cared about him and that meant he was loyal to him. Even if the dick didn’t deserve it. Jimmy liked that he was temptation to Thomas, that he could turn his head away from the other man. He loved Thomas’ attention. 

But he’d also just shoved it away. 

Jimmy shook his head trying to clear it. But Thomas remained. Attractive and terrifying. Thomas was too much, too intense, he wasn’t able, he couldn’t deal with it. But Rex. Rex was cute and Jimmy was attracted to him. But he didn’t scare him when he looked into his eyes. He didn’t make his insides shake. It was nice and simple and held no complications. Or expectations. Rex knew nothing about him, or his history. Rex didn’t know he was mess on the inside and he didn’t need to know. He thought about Daisy said about him slipping away into dark corners. It was time to stop. 

Jimmy walked toward the living room, he glanced down the hall. The urge to walk down it flitted through him. He wanted it to be Thomas but there were things he needed to figure out first. Because he wasn’t sure about anything, he didn’t know who he was now. Because grief had changed him and fear had driven him to an edge. But now, now he felt on the verge of clearing up the mess that was inside of him. But he had to do that on his own. 

 

~~~

Thomas practically ripped off his shirt and hopped violently out of his pants. He was pissed off. He was jealous. Jealous of some guy, some guy who’d hit on Jimmy because he recognized him. He was impossible to look away from — Thomas knew it, he lived it and he’d stupidly said it. He saw it in the way Anstruther looked at him. That awe. It was probably why that girl Ivy wasn’t easily put off of him. Jimmy was brilliant, glowing and he wished it was just for him.

He flopped onto his bed and rubbed his eyes. He needed sleep. If he could get more than a few hours of sleep, maybe he could stop himself from acting on his attraction to Jimmy. “Yeah, right,” he muttered.

It was like he was too attracted to Jimmy. Never in his life has he felt so drawn to another man. So pulled in by their beauty, or seen such light shine out of their smile or their eyes. He felt soppy and romantic and he wasn’t at all. That wasn’t him, right? He closed his eyes and thought about Edward. Edward who was always lighting candles and making them look at the stars. Who shushed him and made him take days off — could make him days off — to cook for him and take long walks. 

God. He talked about Edward. Said things out loud he’d only ever thought before. He hadn’t complained about Edward not letting him read his words but Jimmy knew… He wasn’t sure Jimmy meant to say it out loud, but that made it all the more real. 

Jimmy had a date with a guy. But Thomas had a boyfriend…. For now. He was going to break it off with Philip… but he couldn’t allow himself to think that meant he could be with Jimmy. Jimmy needed a friend far more than he needed a boyfriend. Jimmy needed to date. And maybe he needed not to date? 

He was a mess too. He wasn’t sure what he felt about Philip. He knew he didn’t love him. He known that for longer than he was willing to admit. Even to himself. But didn’t want to lose him, which felt odd and strange. They’d been friends once. Maybe they still were… but Sybil’s words were haunting him. He knew they needed to part but the thought scared him. He wasn’t sure who he was without him. Jimmy wasn’t the only one at a crossroads. 

“Jimmy’s better off without you…he needs to find himself. Maybe you do too…” he laughed at himself. Thomas knew he was too selfish to push him away.


	32. Chapter 32

Thomas reached out and shut off his alarm clock. He was thinking about burying his head back into the his pillows when he noticed he wasn’t alone. Jimmy was standing in front of his side of the closet. Thomas leaned up his elbows and watched him. He stood in nothing but his sweatpants, hands on his hips. He stared at his back muscles, at his lean body and had to force himself to look away for minute. It was then realized that though he couldn’t see his face he knew Jimmy was scowling. 

“I need to iron,” Jimmy finally whined as he reached into the closet and pulled out a red button down shirt. “Fuck, Alfred.”

“I don’t think he’d enjoy it,” Thomas retorted, dryly. He pushed away his covers and got up. “It’s in the hall closet.” 

Jimmy turned around, scowl on his face. “I hate ironing.”

“Who likes it?” Thomas rubbed his face and tried to not to think about why Jimmy was worrying about the state of his wardrobe. He didn’t want to think about the date. He wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening, that had to be the best way to not actually think about it. “I need coffee.” 

Jimmy nodded and yanked out a black shirt and looked it over. Thomas tried to think about how it’d look on him. It looked tailored and expensive, it probably clung against his skin perfectly. He held his breathe instead of letting out the sigh that formed in his throat and walked out of the room. When he got the kitchen he almost turned back around. Sybil and Branson were eating cereal at the counter. Sybil was blushing and Thomas really didn’t want to know why. But he walked to the coffee maker and audible groaned in frustration to find it empty. He turned and glared at Sybil. 

“Sorry,” she said, clearly not meaning it. “We needed it. Both been up all night.”

Thomas turned his glare onto Branson. “You better not be yawning on the job.”

Branson nodded in response which Thomas was grateful for since he had a mouthful of cereal in his mouth. Thomas started to make more coffee but his brain was focused on one thing and one thing only. Jimmy was going on a date. Jimmy had a date. He slammed the cover down to hard. 

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” Branson joked. 

“Do you want to be fired?” Thomas snarled.

“Thomas!” Sybil yelled. 

“What?” he barked. 

Sybil opened her mouth but then she shut it. “What is wrong?” 

“Nothing,” Thomas muttered and turned to stare at the coffee maker. Maybe this was the one time he could will it to work faster. He rolled his eyes at himself. 

“It’s something,” Branson said.

“Shut up, Tom,” Sybil said. 

Thomas could feel her eyes on him and the weight of their concern. He turned back to her and shook his head. He wasn’t talking about it. Period. But maybe he could put her off because of Branson’s presence. She shook her head back at him and he saw her mouth start to open. 

But the noise of something hitting a wall made all three of them turned toward the hallway. Jimmy appeared carrying the ironing board and when he saw them all he grinned. “Where should I set this up?”

Thomas turned back to pour his coffee. He felt both Sybil and Jimmy’s eyes on him. Both of them waiting for him to answer the question but he wasn’t going too. He went about fixing up his coffee and walked around the counter and sat down next to Branson. Sybil and Jimmy eyes on him the whole time. 

“I usually set it up by the window,” Sybil said and hopped off her stool. “The plug is right there under that table. And there is a bit of a view, or you can turn on the television.” 

“Thanks,” Jimmy said and started to set it up. 

“So… this your plans for the day?” Sybil asked. 

“For the moment. I need to have something to wear for later.”

“Later?”

“He has a date,” Thomas said. “What is his name again?”

Jimmy looked at him and Thomas refused to look away. He wasn’t sure what he was even doing but he just couldn’t let it go. And he had no right for it be curling under his skin the way it was and he looked away then as that guilt settled over his shoulders. 

“Rex,” Jimmy said.

“Oh, where did you meet him?” Sybil asked but Thomas felt her eyes on him. 

“Some pub, we’re meeting back there tonight…. It’s just a drink.”

Just a drink, Thomas tried to tell himself. It was a first date. It was Jimmy’s first date with man ever. That was a good thing, right? Thomas couldn’t remember why. 

“You’re ready for this?” Sybil asked.

“Yeah… actually,” Jimmy said and Thomas heard the smile and looked up to see it. The guilt weighed down on him further and he darted his eyes back down to his coffee mug afraid to meet Jimmy’s gaze. 

“I’m happy for you,” Sybil said rather pointedly to Thomas’ ears. 

“Yeah, have a good time, Jimmy,” Branson chimed in and Thomas rolled his eyes. 

“Thanks,” Jimmy said and Thomas heard him leave the room. Probably to go get the clothes he was going to iron. He looked when it was too late for his eyes follow him. 

Sybil walked over to him and hit his arm. “What are you doing?”

“What?”

“Seriously, this is a good thing, Thomas.”

“I know that.”

“Do you?” She glared at him. 

“Not now,” he snapped and glared at Branson.

“Tom leave please,” Sybil said.

Thomas widened his eyes and shook his head. “Tom, stay.”

“Uh…” Tom looked between the two of them. “Sorry, Boss, but I gotta listen to her.” He stood up and kissed Sybil on the cheek, mumbled something about seeing her later and left the apartment.

Sybil glanced toward the bedrooms before sliding into Tom’s empty seat and she faced him. “You’re jealous,” she whispered. 

“Of course, I’m bloody jealous,” he hissed.

Sybil sighed. “You’re in a relationship.”

“Like you care about me and Philip.”

“You’re right I don’t but I know you.”

“And?”

“And… Jimmy needs to put himself out there and you’re not available.”

“Even if I was…” Thomas sighed. 

“Even if you were?”

“I… He needs to figure out a lot of things, Sybil.”

She nodded. 

“I just…” he tried to find the words to explain to her what Jimmy did to him, what it was like being around him, the things he felt but all he could do was stammer and then Jimmy was back in the room. 

“What’s his face leave?”

“Tom.”

“Yeah, him,” Jimmy gave Sybil a teasing grin. 

“Yes. I’m going to go take a nap since I have the time. In case your gone before I get up, have fun tonight Jimmy. You deserve it,” she said, then shot Thomas a look. 

Thomas looked down at his mug again. Jimmy went about starting to iron his clothes. The room was quiet and uncomfortable. Thomas sighed and got up for a second cup. He opened the refrigerator and his eyes fell on the strawberries and he felt like a bastard. He took a deep breathe, grabbed a few strawberries, a bowl, his coffee and wandered into the living room. He sat down at the chair that faced the direction Jimmy was standing. It was usually where he sat to read due to the light from the window. “So, what time are you meeting him?” he asked trying to sound casual. 

Jimmy looked up from the black shirt and looked at him for a beat. “Around 7.”

Thomas nodded. “Gives you plenty of time.”

“Yeah. I can iron a bunch of choices and then still be indecisive. I don’t know why I’m so worried about what I wear or any of it. Just feel jumpy.”

“Go for run?” Thomas threw out.

Jimmy laughed. “I might do that, actually… been forever since I worked out. This isn’t just natural beauty.”

“Don’t know about that,” Thomas said. 

Jimmy’s mouth twitched into a smile. 

“What’s he like?”

“Rex?”

“Yeah?”

Jimmy shrugged. “Nice. And he’s really into me.”

Thomas wanted to argue he wasn’t the only one but he had no right to that. He kept coming back to it — he had no rights when it came to Jimmy Kent. The possessiveness he was feeling felt unfounded and unearned. They weren’t more than friends. Their friendship was barely a month long, but that was something he had to remind himself of, more and more. Because he knew him, he knew Jimmy. 

“I’m rubbish at this,” Jimmy said, pulling Thomas out of his thoughts. 

“Let me see,” Thomas put his stuff down a table and stood up. 

“I mean, I never had to worry about this before. Mum did my laundry and before Sally I just lived in t-shirts and jeans.”

Thomas chuckled. “You could go back to that if the upkeep is too hard.”

“Hell no, I gotta look good.”

Thomas nodded, unsurprised and picked up the iron. “Pay attention.”

They lapsed into one of their comfortable silences as Thomas ironed, with a few instruction here and there. Jimmy was standing close enough it felt like they were touching and he could smell him. It made him think of spring and he half wondered if maybe knowing Jimmy Kent might be the death of him.

“Where you learn to do this?”

“The hard way,” Thomas chuckled. “Had to do it all on my own. And I was never going to live in t-shirts and jeans.”

“No?”

“No.”

“You look good in them.”

Thomas blushed.

“Real good,” Jimmy’s voice lowered. 

Thomas felt his breath catch and he turned his focus back on the shirt. He lifted it up and folded it carefully. Then he pulled another one from Jimmy’s pile. “Let’s see what you learned.”

“Probably nothing,” Jimmy laughed but they switched places, shoulders bumping and eyes catching. Jimmy inhaled sharply and turned back to the shirt. “I like him cause he’s low key.”

“Low key?”

“Yeah… I, um… everything’s been so intense lately. I mean everything. I was high-key running from so many things. My mum, my myself. And he’s just low key and he’s clueless about me. It’s…”

“Clean.”

“Yeah and I think it’ll be good.” 

“I hope so, Jimmy,” Thomas breathed out and his hand landed on his shoulder. His palm against Jimmy’s warm skin and he closed his eyes for a moment. Just giving himself the moment. 

Jimmy moved just enough for Thomas to feel him moving into his touch. And he stayed there for a bit before moving forward again to focus on the ironing. Thomas lifted his hand and watched Jimmy’s progress. He wasn’t surprised at all he was doing fine. 

“I think I got this…”

“You do.”

~~~

He did go for a run. After a few more ironing pointers from Thomas, he finished up the clothes he’d decided to straighten up. But he couldn’t deal with the decision of which of them to wear. So he’d found his running shoes and a shirt and taken Thomas’ advice. 

Thomas wasn’t happy about the date. But he decided to pretend he was and somehow that made it worse for Jimmy. He knew Thomas wasn’t happy about it, the minute he said he knew — no. No, he knew he wouldn’t be happy about it before he blurted it out. He shoved it out there to put a wall between them and he didn’t even want a wall between them. Except it felt like there should be sometimes. 

Jimmy sighed. He wasn’t he one with a boyfriend. He was the one with a date. A date meant nothing. Though this one felt like it could mean everything. He sighed nerves bubbling up in his chest and he sped up, focusing on the running for a moment. Trying to clear his head because it was all over the place. He liked that Thomas was jealous, he was pissed Thomas was jealous because he was the guy in the relationship. Jimmy wasn’t but then Jimmy was scared of relationships with guys. Or he was? Or was he still? 

This date wasn’t about Rex. All Rex had going for him was a nice face and an easy going nature. He wasn’t even Jimmy’s type, not when he thought about it. He wasn’t smart enough, he wasn’t challenging enough, he wasn’t…. Thomas enough. Jimmy stopped, hands on his knee and bent over trying to catch his breath. 

He’d meant what he said to Thomas. He needed low key, he needed to be able to breathe. If he was on a date with man who… who was more his type he’d be more of a mess. He would be too caught up in the intensity to really learn a thing at all about himself and what he wants. Really wants. Because it can’t just be intensity and complication. He has to know who and what he is too… 

And who knew how long that would take. Yet tonight felt so important. Deathly important, almost. Like if he didn’t go out on this date, he would never know. Never know what? He guessed that was the big question. 

Jimmy shook his head and walked up to the flat. He let himself in and Sybil was sitting on the couch watching the television. She grinned up at him. “Thomas said you went for a run to shake out the nerves, it help?”

“No,” he looked around and saw Thomas’ briefcase was gone. “He left?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

“Want to talk about it?”

Jimmy looked at her confused. “About…”

“The date?”

“Oh, maybe?”

“I won’t force you.”

“Was hoping he’d help me with my clothes.”

“Didn’t he already iron them?”

“I don’t know what he told you but I ironed my fair share.”

Sybil laughed. 

“I just… Anstruther was who dressed me. And Thomas knows the style…”

“Oh. Well, I am not just a doctor, I am a Crawley,” Sybil stood up. “And my big sister is Mary Crawley. So, I got this, come on.”

Jimmy grinned and followed her into Thomas’ room. He stepped around her toward the bureau and found himself fiddling with the watches. She opened the closet and looked at the clothes. “This is the ironed section?”

“Yep,” he said and picked up one of the watches and whistled at it.

“Edward gave him that one,” Sybil said. “I don’t know how he afforded it. Thomas and he fought about it, but then again at the time Edward didn’t…” she trailed off. 

“Didn’t what?”

“Never mind,” she said it lightly but he heard the shutdown. But his curiosity was piqued. 

“You were close to him too?”

“Who?”

“Edward?”

“Oh. Yes,” Sybil said and he heard the sadness. It wasn’t as loud as Thomas’ but it was there and he sighed. He felt like he needed to know more because he wasn’t leaving their lives anytime soon. And Edward was important to them. 

“Thomas loved him? I mean like really did? Not like the charade he has with Dick.”

Sybil pulled out the red shirt. “This shirt.”

Jimmy took it and put on the bed and hoped she’d answer the question. But if she didn’t he wouldn’t push her. 

“Thomas loved Edward, far more than ever loved Philip — and he did at one point, love Philip. I think that’s what he tells himself he still feels. Thomas is a good a liar, even to himself.”

“Doubt he’d sit and just watch the dick breathe,” he thought, remembering what Thomas told him the night before. 

“What?”

“I mean he’d watch Edward write, I can’t see him ever just gazing at Dick of Crowborough.”

“He what?” Sybil was staring at him wide-eyed. 

Jimmy took in her shock and remembered how amazed he felt the night before that Thomas spoken about Edward with him. But Sybil’s reaction threw him, surely they talked about the other man. They both knew and loved him. “Yeah, he told about how he’d watch him write poetry…”

“He’s never… I didn’t know that. How didn’t I know that?” Sybil was shaking her head. “He just talked about him?”

“Yeah, I mean I know he doesn’t like to.”

“No, he doesn’t…” Sybil stared at him and Jimmy felt like she was trying to see underneath his skin. He shifted on his feet and after a beat she turned back around to the closet. 

“I think you should wear these casually and artistically ripped black jeans,” she said and pulled them out. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. The red suits you and these will make your ass look great.”

“Have you been checking out my ass?” Jimmy winked. 

“I’m not blind,” she laughed. “Okay, I need to get ready myself, going to park myself at Tom’s bar tonight.”

“Fun date.”

“It is, actually and the only way we ever get to see each other. Crazy schedules.” 

“Yeah, I feel like Thomas is never here.” He looked down at the outfit on the bed and felt the worry about what he was going to wear unknot. He rolled his shoulders, nerves catching up to him again and realized Sybil was still looking at him. “What?”

“Nothing,” she said and she leaned forward. She kissed his cheek. “Don’t worry so much about tonight. It’s a date not a test.”

“Isn’t it though?”

“No,” she patted his shoulder. “Have fun.”

“I’ll try,” he muttered. 

~~~

_What the fuck do guys do on a date?_

Thomas sighed as he saw the screen. He was walking the floor of the club, making sure everything looked just right. He just interrogated the DJ about what he’d be playing for the entire night. It was a Saturday, the high profile guests would be flocking in. Anstruther for instance would probably be on the look out for her next toy. Thomas cringed, there he went thinking about him when he was trying to ignore him. 

And he couldn’t ignore the text, as much as he wanted to. The last thing he wanted to do was help Jimmy with his date. But they were friends and he cared about him. It rankled but he would do what he could. 

_I don’t bloody know._

_What? But you’re gay._

_Never actually dated much._

_How?_

Thomas rolled his eyes. _Now is not the time for a synopsis of my dating life._

_I guess it's no different than girls._

_Most likely._

_I don't know why I'm so nervous._

Thomas rolled his eyes because it was the millionth time he'd heard it and he knew damn well why Jimmy was nervous and so did Jimmy.

_Sybil said it's not a test. But it kind of bloody feels like one._

Thomas frowned. _It’s not… Just remember why you said yes to him. He's nice, he knows nothing about you. It's a clean start._

_Yeah. Okay. Gonna leave now._

Thomas stared at the screen, bit his lower lip and pushed the phone into his back pocket. He almost told him to have fun but that would've been a lie. He wished quite the opposite. But Jimmy needed to date. He needed to get out there and be fully himself. And Thomas had no right to be possessive or jealous. But he wasn't sure how to deal with the jealously. He never felt it prickling on he back of his neck like this before. He wasn't sure what do with it or where it even came from. He wasn't jealous even given Philip's past discretions. Shouldn't he feel that possessiveness over him but it wasn't the case. What'd he feel would be disappointment. 

Philip. That wasn't a subject he wanted to be on either. If he could just purge Jimmy and Philip from his brain for the next 11 or so hours he might survive the night. Work, focus on work. He crossed the room to the nearest bar and walked behind it. He was going to make sure every bar was fully stocked and ready. He didn't want them running out things before the night ended. It was a pain in his ass and tonight if they could, they would avoid it. 

 

~~~

"Sit," Sybil grabbed Thomas hand. 

He paused and shook his head. "I need to…"

"I don't care what busy work you are up to. Sit."

"It's not busy work…" Thomas shook his head.

"Thomas."

Thomas sighed and sat down next to her and waited. 

She frowned at him. "Talk to me."

"About?"

"Anything." She grinned.

"Well, right now I need to check that the paparazzi…"

"Screw them, let whoever celebrity deal with it themselves."  
"Sybil."

"Damn it, Thomas," she shouted.

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"You're obsessing about his date."

He thought about arguing but he was, despite all his efforts not too. "A bit."

She laughed. 

"What is it you want me to say about that?"

"You care about him, Thomas."

"And?"

"He…mentioned you talked about Edward."

"Oh." Thomas rubbed the back of his neck and he felt himsef blushing. He wasn't sure why exactly. He wasn't sure what had prompted him to share what he had with Jimmy. It was the one thing he'd been managing not to think about. "That just happened."

"Just happened…" Sybil said and she looked away.

Thomas watched her face. "You're upset?"

Sybil sighed. 

"Sybil?"

"He was my bestfriend, Thomas." 

"I know."

"We both loved him."

"I know."

"Be nice to talk about him," she said pointedly. 

"Oh…" but he stiffened up at the thought.

"You still can't?"

"No."

"But you can with him?"

Thomas sighed. "It just happened."

"Yeah… that says a lot though."

"I…" his phone buzzed in his pocket. He shifted in the seat and pulled it out and frowned. "It's Philip."

"Ignore him."

Thomas shook his head. "I can't…. Hello?"

"I'm downstairs." 

Thomas shot up out of the chair. He heard Sybil calling out for him but he kept walking. He got in the elevator and walked down the hall. He slammed open his office door. And though he'd believed Philip he was still shocked to see him. He was leaning on Thomas' desk, arms crossed against his chest. Their gazes locked. Philip straightened up and gave him a strained smile. 

"Thomas."


	33. Chapter 33

They had a small table, Rex on one side and Jimmy on the other. They were near the small corner stage and Jimmy kept eyeing it. Wondering if anyone was going to play the guitar or the piano. The waitress came by and dropped two beers down on the table and took their empties.

"Ready to order anything else?"

"Yeah, right?" Rex asked Jimmy.

Jimmy swallowed the beer but ended up just nodding. Letting Rex go first and then he just ordered the same. Not really paying attention to what it was because he was nervous. And it wasn't about Rex, it was about himself. He drank down another gulp of beer and his eyes fell back to the guitar on the stage. 

"No one ever plays," Rex said. 

"Really?"

"Yeah. Don't even know why the keep the guitar up there."

"Never?"

"Not as along as I've been coming here."

"Huh?" Jimmy shook his head. "That's a shame. Live music is the best." 

"Is it?"

"Yeah."

"But you spend a lot of time at clubs, right? Dancing?"

"Well, yeah…" Jimmy took a long drink. "I love to dance."

"Yeah…" Rex cheeks turned red. "You're good."

"I am," Jimmy nodded.

"Teach me?"

"What?"

"I mean I can dance, but I can't do the things you were doing in that video."

Jimmy shook his head. "I don't really remember that night all that well. I couldn't really tell you what I was doing." 

"Too drunk."

"Too stupid."

"We've all done that."

"Yeah?" Jimmy asked. 

Rex laughed. "One night my buds and I, we got totally wasted on cheap wine and the next thing I know I'm waking up in the backseat of strangers car. Turns out it Billy's… but I didn't remember meeting or anything. But we bonded as he drove me back home. He's my best frined now."

"Yeah… I meant mine when I was drunk too."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I was so drunk and this bartender wanted my keys, or already took them…"

"This at Betwixt?"

"Yeah.. So this bartender -- fuck I think it was Branson -- he called in the manager and then there was Thomas." Jimmy grinned widely as he remembered that night, fuzzy as it was he'd never forget it. "Was a great night."

"Thomas Barrow?" Rex asked.

"Uh, yeah."

"Philip Dewel's ex?" 

"Dewell?"

"Future Duke of Crowborough?"

"Oh, yeah him."

"He's your best mate's ex?"

"I wish," Jimmy laughed as he drank down the rest of his beer.

"What?"

"Okay, so secret… The Dick Crowborough is not dating Mary Crawley. It’s all a big fat lie." 

Rex sat up straighter in his chair. 

~~~

"Thomas." Philip looked right at him, his gaze uncompromising. "Will you let me talk?"

He started shaking his head. "Philip…"

"Don't," Philip crossed the space between them and grabbed his hands. "Let me talk."

"Nothing you say is going to…"

Philip sighed. "So, you're resolved? And that's it?"

"It's not that simple, Philip." Thomas pulled hes hands free.

"I lov -"

"You don't," Thomas cut him off. 

"What? I think I know better than you how I feel."

"Me or your inheritance?"

"That's unfair."

"Is it?"  
"You expect me to give it up and all that comes with it? He would make me pass it to my brother you know."

"Me or it?"

"Is this how I get you back, caving into an ultimatum?"

"No. Because I don't want us to get to that point and we would, Philip. If we stay together it would get to that point."

"No," Philip shook his head. "I'll wait him out."

"He's healthy as a horse, Philip."

"Then I'll kill him," Philip said his tone dark.

Thomas wished he could feel surprised but he shook his head. "You could never do that, as bold as you think you are."

"You think I'd choose it?"

"I know it."

"Why?"

"Because if I had it I'd be tempted to, if I had it, I'd consider it."

"For all of five minutes," Philip snapped. "You won't hide who you are if you could you wouldn't be here running Edith's night club."

"But you can hide who you are, Philip."

"Fine, longer-term we find a woman willing too…"

"That's not a life I want."

Philip grabbed his hands again. "Is it the cheating, I mean we were kids for most of it… and the last time, that last time I was fool. I knew it, I begged you to come back but you were already…" 

"With Edward."

"With him…" Philip dropped his hand and looked at the desk. Thomas watched him walk over to it and pick up Edward's picture. "I've refused to think about what this meant. His picture sitting there on your desk, for you to look at every day. Not mine."

"It wasn't to hurt you," Thomas said and he reached forward and took the picture. He looked at him and felt tug on his heart. "I loved him."

"And you don't love me? At all? I find that hard to believe?"

"Of cousre I do… I did. I did love you madly when we were 19 and I thought it was forever. Until you cheated and I found out it wasn't even the first time."

"I'm a bastard, we've covered it. I've been loyal Thomas. It's almost three years."

"I know. You meant that promise, I believe that and I know you care."

"I have been loyal… but you haven't."

"Don't bring Jimmy into it."

"Why the hell not? You're not going to stand on some damn high horse. I lost you the second you met him. That messed up stupid kid."

"Watch it," Thomas snapped.

"Look at you. You're in love with him."

Thomas looked away and his eyes landed on Edward. He loved Edward and what he felt for Jimmy was different. Wasn't it? 

"You can't argue you don't."

"I don't know, okay, I don't know what feel for him."

"More than you feel for me?"

"No, yes, it's not something that can be compared… I'm not denying Jimmy's factor, okay. But it sure as hell isn't the main reason I'm breaking up with you."

"Shit." Philip shook his head. 

"I'm sorry."

"No, you're not."

"Philip," Thomas shook his head. "I am."

~~~

Jimmy finished off a third beer and watched Rex holding his hand. He'd reached across the table halfway through their meal and taken Jimmy's hand. He'd almost snatched it away but decided to let him. He was having a good time, trading drunk stories and stupid mistakes. Though Rex's mistakes didn't come close to the mess Jimmy made of his own life. He looked at their hands and thought about the fact his face was a bit numb. 

"So, you sing?" Rex asked.

"Did I bring that up?"

"Uh… my crush on you from afar is creepy isn't it?"

"Nah, maybe…. You aren't creepy," Jimmy said.

"Yeah, well I read it. That you want to be a rockstar."

"Oh, yeah, no want about it. I will be."

"You got the goods?"

"Hell, yeah."

"Prove it."

"Okay," Jimmy said and he stood up and hopped up on the little stage and picked up the guitair. He grabbed the little stool on the stage and sat down. Then he started playing the first song that appeared in his head.

__

_Here come old flat top_  
He come groovin' up slowly  
He got joo joo eyeballs  
He one holy rollers  
He got hair down to his knee  
Got to be a joker  
He just do what he please

Jimmy watched a crowd gather and he sent a wink Rex's way and then nodded at the waitress as she held up his empty bottle asking if he wanted another. She walked away sashaying her hips to the rhythm of the song. He looked around at the gathering people and focused back in on what he was singing.

__

_He bad production_  
He got walrus gumboot  
He got Ono sideboard  
He one spinal cracker  
He got feet down below his knees  
Hold you in his armchair  
You can feel his disease  
Come together, right now  
Over me 

Rex was right at the stage when he stopped and hopped down. He grinned at him. "See."

"Think everyone did," Rex laughed and it a few minutes to get back to their table because people kept telling Jimmy he was awesome and clapping him on the back. Jimmy talked with a few of them bit about the song and the guitar. Flirting and smirking. But finally he slid into his seat across from Rex who was staring at him in awe. 

"You like it all that…"

"What?"

"The attention?"

"Hell, yeah… it's amazing. Wouldn't you want it?"

"No, no," Rex shook his head.

The waitress appeared with his beer but she didn't leave. "My boss would like to talk with you."

"What? Oh, he's not upset is about the guitar, I mean it was just right there."

"No, the opposite actually."

"Seriously?" Jimmy grinned at Rex. "Oh, my God."

"What?" Rex looked confused.

"He wants to hire me to sing here."

"Just on the weekends," the waitress said.

"Shit, yes. But could I like stop by tomorrow?"

"Oh, of course. You two have fun."

Jimmy took a long gulp of his beer and turned back to Rex. "See, my mum was always saying, make things happen Jimmy."

"She sounds great."

Jimmy grinned and didn't think about correcting. He pulled out his phone. "I just gotta tell Thomas…" he started typing a text. 

"Yeah sure…" Rex's foot hit Jimmy's under the table. Jimmy grinned at him and let his own foot slide against his. He was cute, Jimmy thought as he hit send. He leaned over the table. "Want to get out of here?"

"Yes!" 

"Great." Jimmy winked. 

They walked outside and Jimmy breathed in the air. Then he jumped as Rex's hand took hold of his and he looked at their hands again, feeling distant from it. He still held his fourth beer and he took a long drink of it. He just started walking and not paying any attention to where they were going. 

"Do you just play guitar?"

"No, piano too… I have this gorgeous piano that I can't play."

"Why not?"

"Don't live with it."

'Don't live… you say the craziest things."

"Do I?"

Rex shook his head and pulled them off the walkway and into a dark corner. Jimmy stopped in front of him and gave him a look of confusion. Rex grinned and leaned forward and pressed his mouth against Jimmy's. 

"Oh," Jimmy whispered to himself and he fell into the kiss. It was nice and easy. It wasn't deep or sweet. Rex tasted like beer and chips, his lips were a little chapped. Jimmy didn't deepen it, he followed Rex' lead which meant after a moment or two, Rex shyly pulled away. 

"Just been wanting to that," He said.

Jimmy blinked at him seeing Rex at a distance and realized the world was a little fuzzy. And that was wrong, that wasn't what he wanted? His mood plummetted and he looked aroudn them. They were out of the way but not hidden but it was a dark corner and he was drunk. 

"Jimmy?"

"Yeah?" 

"What is it?"

"It's nothing, let's walk a bit more?" Jimmy asked. He wasn't too drunk, maybe he could sober up. Maybe he could fix it, but maybe not because he'd started drinking because he was both nervous and bored. But he let Rex take his hand again and pull him back onto the walkway. His heart pounding for all the wrong reasons. His hands itched, he wanted to text Thomas.

~~~

Philip shook his head and looked over Thomas' shoulder, eyes fixed on the door. Thomas closed his eyes because he knew that look. He knew it was Philip trying to detache himself because something had hit him in the heart. It was a hard thing to do and Thomas knew he was one of the few who could. 

"Do you remember when we met?"

Philip eyes swung back to him. "Of course."

"We were what? Fourteen?"

Philip nodded.

"I hated you."

"I hated you."

Thomas nodded. "But we were stuck with each other."

"Yeah."

"And we figured out what we had in common."

Philip nodded.

"You were the first person I told."

"Your point?"

"We were friends."

"I know that, we were friends for years."

"Right, two almost three years before we started dating that first time."

"What's your point?"

"When did we stop being friends?"

Philip opened his mouth and then it fell shut. 

Thomas nodded. 

"You're resolute."

"Why do you even want to talk me out this?"

"I don't want to be alone," Philip snapped and turned around. 

Thomas felt punched and wished that could chance things. He walked over to and wrapped his around him from behind. Something he hadn't done in months, maybe a year. It'd been forever. "It's not that I hate you. I can't, not really."

Philip leaned back into him and they stood there for a good few minutes. Then Philip pulled away and turned around. They stared at each other for another long moment. Thomas felt like he was being drunk in, the look in Philip's eyes was one he hadn't seen in a long either -- maybe if he saw it more. 

"Don't say goodbye," Philip asked and walked past Thomas. 

Thomas turned and watched him leave. It was over. 

~~~

Half an hour later Jimmy could feel his cheek and feel Rex's hand in his and the world didn't look covered in guaze. He looked down at their hands and felt uncomfortable. His wrist felt at the wrong angle and Rex was holding a bit to tightly. He felt like it didn't fit but he ran his eyes up and down Rex. He was cute, he was hot, he had a great ass.

But. 

Jimmy sighed and wondered if how going on a date to see things, to learn things, would work if he wasn't actually interested in the guy. He'd been bored earlier, with the small talk. Rex just kept going on though adn Jimmy couldn't fidget or blow him off. So he drank. He was seeing it clearer though, he hadn't totally regressed to his past behavior. He was just still trapped inside a cycle. He wasn' sure what to do or felt out of his element and he started to drink. Jimmy stopped walking.

Rex took a few steps then stopped and looked back. Jimmy let go of his hand and shook his head. "I'm sorry but I need… I need to go home."

"Oh… I could go with you?"

"No, no. I need to be alone."

Rex frowned.

"I'm sorry." Jimmy turned around and left Rex standing there.


	34. Chapter 34

Thomas went back upstairs, his sole thought to tell Sybil what happened. But when he caught sight of her it looked her and Branson were having a deep conversation. Her face was all lit up and something about it made it unbearable to interrupt them so he pushed aside the urge to yell at Branson to get back to work. 

Which left him standing still as people milled around him. He’s broken up with Philip. He felt dazed. He felt relieved. He did feel guilty but not guilty enough. It was the relieved. It was overwhelming, he felt like something been lifted off his body. He felt lighter and so many things he’d been denying kept running through his mind. You weren’t in love with him, he cares more about his own future than yours, he doesn’t understand fundamental things about you. You don’t even like him anymore. It was that last one that bothered him, the let a little bit of guilt slink in. Because he had once, he had and he wondered when that changed and why kept pushing it away. Nostalgia? Memories? He was sad in a way and knew he hurt Philip. Which felt… justified in a lot of ways and he found he couldn’t feel too badly about it. Philip hurt him deeply more than once. He was starting to think his relationship with Philip was nothing more than a bad habit. But now he’d quit it and he knew there was no turning back. 

He made his way over the the bar and smiled at Emma. “The Spellbound Syrah.” 

“Sure thing, Boss…” she went off to get it and returned shortly with the wine and her cellphone. He eyed the cellphone. “I know, I know, not supposed to look when on the job but you might want to see this.” 

She put the phone down on the counter, a youtube video was playing. And there was Jimmy Kent on a small stage, an acoustic guitar in his hands singing a song Thomas recognized but couldn’t place. All the fiery charisma that made him bright turned on and flashing at the audience. He picked it up and noted it the number of views and he assumed they’d be climbing. 

“Few more videos, but that one has the best view.”

Thomas grinned at Jimmy on the screen but shook his head at Emma. “This is what he does on a date.”

“I’d say it’s a great way to seduce someone.” Emma reached out for her phone.

Thomas held it away from her for a beat. “You’re working.”

‘Yes, sir.” She saluted. 

Thomas pulled out his own phone and pulled up Youtube. He found the video easily enough. He noted all the videos that appeared when you typed in Jimmy Kent. He shook his head. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen this happen. Fifteen minutes of fame usually built up slower and lasted too long for some people. But Jimmy, he was flying high already. Someone was going to notice him. His voice was good, possible better but it was his charisma. He drew people in. Thomas watched the crowd in the picture, it was mostly the back of their heads but some peopled turned toward the camera and the awe in their faces was genuine. He felt pride rush him and a deep certainty. He told Jimmy just the other night he would be famous. And he would be. It was just a matter of time. 

“What’s with smile?” Sybil asked sitting down next to him.

“I see Branson went back to work.”

“What’s on your phone?”

Thomas slid it over in front of her. She looked down and started the video. “Oh. Wow. He’s bragging equals his talent. Is this tonight? On his date?”

“He’ll never be accused of being boring,” Thomas said and tried to forget the fact that he was on a date. 

“It’s just a first date, Thomas… and I think the date is mattering more to him than the guy.”

“I know that.”

“Do you?”

“What are you bloody getting at?”

“I just, I think you should evaluate your jealousy.”

“I know it’s irrational. He and I are just friends.”

“That isn’t what I’m getting at….”

Thomas stared at her confused.

She shook her head. “What to do with you Thomas Barrow.”

“Sybil,” he warned. 

“Fine, fine. I’m going to go distracted Tom and don’t you dare interrupt.”

He nodded, she grinned and disappeared from sight.

Thomas looked back down at his phone and hit replay. He stared and he listened. He tried not to think about the front row seat Rex had gotten. He frowned realizing he’d heard Jimmy play his guitar but never really heard him sing. Not truly. More jealousy flared to life and he gritted his teeth in frustration. He shoved his phone back into his phone and picked up his wine. He’d sip as he walked around the floor, it was time to keep an eye out and check in with security. 

~~~

Jimmy walked into the flat and went straight for the couch. He sat down and tried to slow his breathing. He felt panicked and uncomfortable. It was all wrong but so right. It was confusing. It felt fine to be out on a date with a man. It wasn’t weird at all and really what had he been so afraid of? Yet, he had no fun. Rex was boring. Not stupid but not smart enough. His best part of the night had been the singing, the entertaining. He’d been on that stage, playing to whole crowed — lumping Rex in with them as he wished Thomas was there to see it. 

Once again he was out with someone he liked but didn’t really care about. It was like with Anstruther all over again. Except Rex was a guy and probably boy. But it was the same thing. Jimmy looking in the wrong places for something he wasn’t finding or figuring out about himself. So he drank. Because he was bored. He drank because he wasn’t entertained. He got a bit drunk even on that stage, showing off and drawing in a crowd. Drunk on the attention and the beer. But not drunk on Rex’s attention, because that seemed like a silly crush to him. He was comparing Rex to Ivy at times. So into him but not really seeing him at all. He was comparing Rex to Thomas — which was unfair. Rex stood no chance. Because Thomas was never boring and Thomas was almost too clever. 

He changed his patterns of behavior but not enough. He was a mess and still making a mess of things. Rex had looked stricken as Jimmy fled away from him. But Jimmy knew he was doing the right thing, he wasn’t interested and he never should’ve pretended to be. 

“Pretending? I’m supposed to stop pretending.”

Was that he was? The messed up guy who pretended he was fine? That he knew what he doing? Was it just he’d been pretending one thing for so long that the minute that lie was killed another lie took its place? He thought he was doing the right thing. He was out. There was a cute guy, who liked him and it was easy and simple. It was a trap, he thought. He walked into some sort of trapped and he wasn’t sure if he’d made it out of it. 

What was he supposed to do when everything he tried he somehow got it wrong? Sally, Rex. The only thing in his life he trusted was Thomas. His anchor in a storm, even though he was part of it all. He needed him. He needed him, maybe too much, and was that fair to Thomas? Was that fair to himself? It was all so complicated. Everything was and he tried to remember what his life was like when it was simple but it was lost to time. 

~~~

Thomas walked into the flat and frowned. It was dark, a bit too dark, they always left the light in the hall on. He stepped inside and flicked on a light and was shocked to see Jimmy was sitting on the couch bend over his hands on his head. “Jimmy?”

“I’m all wrong.” HIs voice was rough. 

“What?”

“I’m all wrong. I can’t do anything right.”

Thomas dropped his briefcase down onto the floor and walked over to the couch and sat on the coffee table facing Jimmy. “What happened?”

“Me,” Jimmy laughed. “I fouled it all up. Typical right??

“I don’t understand?” Thomas tried to catch Jimmy’s gaze but he wouldn’t looked up. 

“I was right bored. And thing is I was always bored around Sally. Though she less boring than Rex. He’s just so…. Ordinary.” 

“I fail to see how that’s your problem? If it wasn’t a good date…”

“But it was… I think? I mean I flirted, I let him hold my hand. Let him kiss me. And it was all fine, it wasn’t bad but it wasn’t nice. Fine. Right?”

“Okay.”

“But I was drunk when we kissed. Drunk most of the time we touched. And that’s what I used to do. Get drunk enough I wouldn’t think about the fact it was a guy. But I still snuck around, afraid Alfred might figure it out. Hiding it. And he pulled us into a corner, away from where we were walking — which you know normal. But it was hiding.”

“No,” Thomas shook his head. 

“But I was pretending to like him. Still getting drunk. It’s all.. Wrong. I’m wrong-footed.” 

“Are not.”

“I’ve never kissed or touched a guy sober,” Jimmy looked up then and Thomas felt punched by the tears in his eyes. 

“Jimmy…” he reached out to where Jimmy had his hands on his thighs and took one. Jimmy looked at their hands and made a strange sound. Thomas’ eyes darted to his face but he couldn’t read the expression. Jimmy slowly looked back at Thomas and then pulled his arm as he stood up. Thomas followed him upward and the he had his arms full of Jimmy. His head on Thomas’ shoulder, arms wrapped around him and he was shaking. Thomas closed his eyes and breathed in and ran a hand up Jimmy’s spine until it was against the back of his neck.

“Your the only thing that makes any sense,” Jimmy mumbled into his shoulder and gripped onto him harder. “This is the only time I don’t feel adrift.” 

“Then hold on,” Thomas whispered and breathed in deeply and told himself that this was it. This was who he was and what he needed to be to Jimmy. A friend. Sanctuary. Jimmy was lost and directionless, he didn’t know where he was stepping and he wasn’t sure about where he wanted to go. He was finding his way out of the dark and if Thomas could help him stumble less he would. He wouldn’t dare risk this with his own selfish wants. It was an odd feeling and he felt like Jimmy grabbed onto the wrong life raft. He was bad at this, he had no words of comfort or any advice. All he could do was hold him and hope it’d stop Jimmy was shaking. 

“I ran again. Again.” 

“No.”

“I did though… maybe it wasn’t about being bi but it was still from myself. When do I stop running?”

“I think we all running,” Thomas said with shake of his head. Thinking about his own life and and his own messes. He’d been running from the truth when it came to Philip for years. “We all run.”

“I want to stop but….”

“If there is a way, you’ll find it.”

“No…”

Thomas ran his hand down his spine. Jimmy gripped on tighter and tried to bury his head more into Thomas’ shoulder and mumbled something Thomas that Thomas couldn’t make out. He felt inadequate and he felt protective. He felt as lost as the man in his arms and certain though that he’d never let go.


	35. Chapter 35

Sybil stood in front of the couch frowning down at the idiots asleep on it. Jimmy was leaned toward the right, bent over an awkward position his face smushed against the cushion. Thomas was to the left, legs sprawled out where his body in the corner, which was leaning right. Because smack in the middle of them were their hands. Tightly clasped. Sybil suppressed her urge to scream them awake and lock them into Thomas room. It was utterly ridiculous to her at this point. About the only thing that bothered her about it was she wasn’t quite sure about Jimmy. But she was overprotective of Thomas but at least she knew it. She sighed. Shook her head, closed her eyes then lifted her head up the ceiling and prayed to her Grandmother Violet for strength. 

She cracked open one eye. “Nothing? Yeah, they’re impossible.” 

Shaking her head Sybil bent down and slapped Thomas on his face. Maybe a bit too hard. He yelped awake and she had to bite her cheek not to laugh. She held her finger to mouth telling him to be quiet. Thomas looked around confused but the his landed on Jimmy and his expression turned disgustingly fond. Sybil was getting cavities. She grabbed Jimmy’s bedding from where they were hiding it behind a chair in the corner. When she turned Thomas was standing up and she shoved it at his test. “He’s yours,” she muttered and walked into the kitchenette. 

She turned from putting the kettle on and saw Thomas half way to the counter but glancing back toward the couch. “What happened on his date?”

“I thought you’d go to Branson’s?” Thomas asked.

“Well, I didn’t… was his date bad?”

“I don’t know,” Thomas made a face and sat down. 

“Well, what happened?”

“He was upset, it was little things… his whole world was turned upside down, Sybil. What do you expect?”

“Okay, okay.”

“He just… was upset,” Thomas looked back toward the couch. 

“You don’t have to…” Sybil started but stopped because she was unsure what it was she really wanted to say. 

“Yes, I do,” Thomas answered the question he thought she was going for. And had she been? “I know he’s still… a stranger but…”

“You’re right.”

“I am?” 

“Why are you surprised?”

“You seemed… unhappy with me at the bar.”

“I’m not unhappy with you, Thomas. I’m just not sure you know what you are doing.”

“I know what I’m doing…” he trailed and made a face. He looked back at Jimmy. “Kind of.”

Sybil laughed. “Just for once be honest with me, how do you really feel about him?”  
“I…” Thomas sighed. 

Sybil held his gaze and hoped her face was encouraging and she waited. She would wait him out for hours if she had to because she needed to know it felt like Thomas needed to say it. 

“It makes no bloody sense.” Thomas shook his head. 

“Try me.”

“Edward was…” Thomas inhaled sharply. “Intense but quiet and… different, he was so different than the rest of this sodding world.” 

“I know.”

“I’m not comparing them…” He looked down. “I never have. Not once. Just that’s why I love Edward.” 

“I know.”

“Jimmy… it’s nothing at all like what I felt around or for Edward. I don’t know what it is. I don’t Sybil. But I… Need him in my life. I just do and I’ll do what I need to have him in it.”

Sybil glanced over at the couch and back to Thomas and met a sharp expression. 

“I thought you liked him.”

“I do, Thomas. A lot. Though, I think most people do, he’s easy to like.”

“Then what is the problem?”

“He’s charming, he has charisma…and it’s not that he’s a mess. I was worried about that… but I’m not anymore.”

“What? What were you worried about?”

“Edward was a mess,” she said as softly as she could. 

“He…” Thomas took a sharp breath and looked away from her. But she saw the flash of anger. She was braced for it but she knew he knew it to be the truth too. “That was different.”

“I know. And I’m not worried about it now. But I was at first. I can’t.. I can watch you go through that again.”

“No, no.” 

“But that’s… I know that’s not a worry now. But you have understand why it was…”

Thomas simply nodded. 

“My issue now is…. I don’t know him. As charming as he is I don’t know him.”

“Of course you do,” Thomas said.

“No. I know he was sleeping with Anstruther…”

Thomas opened his mouth.

“I’m not judging him.”

“Nothing wrong with using what you can to get ahead,” Thomas snapped.

“I know you think that and I’m not judging him.”

“Go on then.”

Sybil sighed. “I know he had some sort of PTSD reaction Anstruther’s collapse but not why… and one of the reasons I was worried about the other thing. I know he never meant to kiss Pamuk. He was forced out and is he really ready to deal with it? I’m supporting him and he seems… like a weight lifted. But I don’t know him and neither do you.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Thomas?”

“You think we don’t talk?”

“Of course I do…”

“I know him.”

“What do you know past drinking and drama?”

“Sybil,” Thomas warned. 

“You know damn well I’m not looking down at him… but what is you know past that?”

“Sybil.”

“One thing?”

“What would that prove?”

“I just think he has walls up, he’s sweet and nice. And we’ve talked but he has walls up.”

“Of course he bloody does, Sybil. What do you expect. His oldest friend tossed him out and if he ever talks to his dad it’s the same thing. He lost another friend, he’s still grieving his mother. Like you say he’s a mess and he should be a mess. And yeah he has some fucking walls. Who doesn’t?”

Sybil sighed and reached over and put her hand on Thomas’. “I’m sorry… you’re right. You are. I just…”

“What?”

“I don’t want to see you hurt again. I just…”

“We already covered that this isn’t Edward.”

She inhaled. “I know. But you… you have your walls, and I’m used to your walls. I know where the doors are. But Thomas you have no walls at all when it comes to Jimmy. None. They cease to exist. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Thomas looked toward the couch and back at her. “I… I don’t care.”

“What?”

“I don’t care if he hurts me. If it’s a risk. I don’t bloody care.”

“Oh,” she said and she fell speechless. 

“I don’t see why that surprises you,” Thomas snapped and got up. “I need sleep.” 

Sybil sighed because now he was mad at her. But she wondered the same thing. Because she should’ve known that answer, if she really thought about it. But sometimes she forgot that Thomas was braver than most. And if he cared about you it was with intense loyalty. He would put himself out on a ledge no one else would consider walking up to. She really hoped he knew what he was doing with Jimmy.

And, considering his words maybe she was wrong to worry. “Gonna worry anyway, I’m the best mate I can worry all I want.”

~~~

Jimmy woke up and groaned. His mouth felt like cotton was in it but his head wasn’t pounding. He called that a win and buried his head into his pillow. But his eyes snapped open as he searched for the memory of going to bed. But he couldn’t. All he remembered was crying into Thomas’ shoulder, his hand the perfect weight on the back of his neck. His other running up and down his spine. He felt it at the memory of it and shivers rolled through him and he closed his eyes to savor it. Just for a minute before he let the rest of the night before crash onto him. 

It caught up to him a minute later. How much of heel he’d been to Rex. How rude he been and other man probably thought he was crazy. He sighed and sat up, putting his feet on the floor. It was bright out and he was happy his head was clear. At least there was that — he’d managed to get sober before the night had ended. He didn’t think he had an alcohol problem but he knew now how often he was using it as a crutch. But all it did was help him hide and help him pretend. 

He really wanted to stop pretending but was it a habit he could break. Was he just too good at it? Because lying to himself was something he was doing daily for years. And it’d only gotten worse after his mother’s death. He groaned. 

“Do you need aspirin?”

He jumped at Sybil voice. “No. Wasn’t groaning about that.”

She appeared in front of him and gazed down at him. He met her gaze but after a moment he felt disconcerted. “Thomas said your date went badly?”

“Yeah, that test… I failed it.”

“Are you sure?”

Jimmy nodded. “I was pretending. I was lying. I thought I needed to say yes to him but that was wrong. I wasn’t interested and I pretended to be, just because he was a guy. I’m an asshole,” he laughed because he didn’t want to cry. Not again and not in front of Sybil.

“Sounds to me like you figured some things out. I’d call that a passing grade.”

“Doesn’t feel like it.”

“Try not to be too hard on yourself.”

“Thanks Sybil,” he said and felt guilty. She was always giving him good advice and being so nice. He’d crashed into her life and it wasn’t the same as it was with Thomas. He and Thomas had this energy between them and Jimmy and Sybil did not. Yet here he was taking up all the room on her couch. He frowned and started gathering up the blanket. 

“What are you doing?”

“Getting this cleaned up… I don’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not. Really,” Sybil laughed. “I used to get so mad that Philip was over here, it felt crowded and I wanted him out. But I don’t mind you here one bit. You can stay as long as you need.”

“Yeah, well, I am an upgrade from the dick,” Jimmy sighed.

“You really do hate him.”

“Don’t you?”

“Hate’s a strong word for me. But I’ve never liked him much.”

“I know I was drunk at the time, but when I first met him I just… got this sense he doesn’t know Thomas, he doesn’t understand Thomas. I saw him hit Thomas with a gut punch when he saying horrible things about Edward… And yeah. I hate him. I wanted to punch him on first sight and I still do.”

Sybil’s gaze seemed to intensify. He moved out of it but he felt it on his shoulder blades as he hid the pillow and blanket behind the chair. He turned and faced her and felt a bit pinned by it. She was kind and there was gentleness about her but right now he felt like he was looking at a lioness.

“Promise me you won’t hurt him.”

Jimmy’s mouth opened, the promise on his tongue. But he stopped because it felt he couldn’t make that promise. Promises seemed empty to him because he and Alfred promised to always be friends. What he wanted couldn’t always be the truth. He opened his mouth again but words were failing him. How did he tell her he would do everything he could not to hurt Thomas. 

“I need you too,” she said pulling him out of his thoughts and he saw it the fear in her eyes despite her outward show of strength. 

“I’ll never hurt him with intent but I don’t know if I can… everything I feel for him is just instinct and all of it is intense and raw. And I’m not sure I can promise to never hurt him because I keep getting told your world can change completely in one second…. But out of the one seconds that keep slamming me, meeting Thomas was the best.”

“Oh,” Sybil breathed. 

Jimmy tried to gin at her but he felt like he was awaiting a judgement.

Sybil stepped forward and hugged him. Jimmy sighed in relief.


	36. Chapter 36

Thomas sighed when he saw Sybil at the counter. Jimmy was leaning against its opposite side facing her, drinking a glass of juice. A grin appeared easily on his face at the sight of him. But his eyes darted back to Sybil and he felt strange. He’d been angry when he stormed away from her but he knew she meant no harm. Sometimes her protectiveness just startled him and he’d get defensive because he never quite knew what to do with it. No one in his life had ever cared about him in the way she did. He knew he’d never get used to it. 

Sybil caught his eye and gave him a warm smile. Her expression kind as always and accepting. He felt guilty. He walked into the kitchenette, grinned at Jimmy as he passed him and went straight for the coffee. He felt Jimmy’s eyes on his back and wasn’t surprised he was still looking at him when he turned. 

Sybil made a weird noise. 

“What?” he asked turning toward her

“You okay?” Jimmy asked. 

“Oh, I’m fine,” Sybil said. 

Jimmy looked between them and shrugged. Thomas gave her a look because he knew it was bout him and Jimmy. Irritation rolled through him again. She was a bit obsessed with their relationship. There was worrying and then were just butting her nose in too much. 

“So, I was telling Jimmy how he went viral last night. I thought, you would’ve already told him,” Sybil said. 

“It didn’t come up.”

“I dominated the conversation,” Jimmy said. “But I’ll have to check it out and have it ready to show the guy who owns that pub. He might let me sing there more — hopefully he’ll pay me but I’ll do it for free.” 

“Don’t tell him that,” Thomas snapped. “Get money for it or don’t do it at all. You’re worth the cash.”

Jimmy grinned but ducked his head in a rare show of shyness that transfixed Thomas. Jimmy lifted his head a second later and met Thomas’ eyes and his lips parted a bit. Thomas forced himself to look away after a beat with difficulty and focused on his cup of coffee.

“Any drama at Betwixt, or am I the only good story of the night? I am aren’t I?” Jimmy asked. 

Sybil chuckled and Thomas started to shake his head but realized something. Neither of them knew about Philip. “Actually, something did happen… it won’t be in the tabloids — well yet. But…”

Sybil’s phone sprang to life on the counter and she pounced on it the second it lit up. “It’s the hospital…” she muttered and hopped off the stool and walked away. “Yeah, yeah… okay.” 

“Gotta go?”

“Yeah, sorry. You can tell me what it is later,” she said as she gathered up her stuff that was on a table they never used for food. As the door closed behind her Thomas and Jimmy locked gazes and burst out laughing. 

“Whirlwind Sybil,” Jimmy chuckled.

“That she is… but I guess doctors have to be.”

“Guess so… what kind is she anyway?”

“She’s interning and deciding but it’ll probably trauma or neurology.”

“Brain surgeon?”

Thomas nodded. 

“Wow.”

“She’s special,” Thomas grinned.

“Yeah… I like her, not sure she likes me though.”

“What?”

“Well, no, she likes me but…” Jimmy looked at Thomas. “She likes you more.”

“What did she say?” Thomas felt exasperated what had she done. 

“Don’t get your hackles up, Thomas. She did what she’s supposed to do when your best mate meets someone who’s a screw up.” 

“Your not a bloody screw up.”

“Yeah, I am but I’ll figure it out. I got a brain me,” Jimmy grinned. “Really, it’s good. Don’t be mad at her.”

“I’m not. Not really,” Thomas sighed. 

“So, hey, what were about to tell us? I don’t have to wait for all three of us to be together do I? That could be days.”

“Oh,” Thomas laughed and shook his head. He wasn’t forgetting he broke up with Philip but it kept leaving his mind. He knew it was the right decision and so it wasn’t haunting his mind. He wasn’t second guessing and it was a really good feeling. “No, definitely not…” 

His phone rang and he looked down at his pocket where it was and sighed. “It might be work,” he muttered and pulled it out. Then he grimaced when he saw who it was… “Fuck…. Philip what do you want?”

Jimmy’s face screwed up in disgust and he walked away from Thomas and into the living room. Thomas sighed at his back. 

“I’m that much of an irritant,” Philip said.

“Nothing’s changed.”

“I’m not stupid, Thomas. I know when you’re past arguing with. I just have quite a lot of things at your flat. Some of my favorite things…”

Thomas stopped listening and looked at the pile of Philip’s stuff int he corner that he hadn’t gotten a chance to take over to Philip’s place. He sighed and cut him off. “I’ll bring it to you now.”

“Now? You don’t have time to pack…”

“It’s already packed.”

“It’s…”

“Yes, I’ll drop it off now,” Thomas snapped and hung up with a groan. 

“He’s back? Wasn’t he supposed to be gone longer? Has It been that long already, feels like he just bloody left. Send him back to the island.”

“He came back early,” Thomas sighed. “Look, I got to drop off his stuff. Do you want to come. I can tell you what’s up in the car.”

“Up? Oh, your gossip from the club? I… want to, I really want too. But I’ve got an interview in two hours for a bartending job and I want to drop off to that pub first about the singing gig.”

Thomas sighed. “Yeah, okay. I’ll tell you later, it’ll keep.”

“Yeah,” Jimmy sighed. “So, there we go off in two directions again.”

“Just for now,” Thomas said but he hated it. 

“Yeah… You need to take days off. So we can just… Hang out.”

“I can’t take time off work to just hang out.”

“Sure you can… come one you have that place running like a machine.”

“Not when I’m not there — though, I am working on that.”

“You work to hard.”

Thomas shook his head. “I gotta earn that paycheck.” 

“Yeah, speaking of… I’m going to hit the shower.”

“Yeah… and I get to go see Philip,” Thomas groaned. 

“Tell Dick I said, fuck off.”

Thomas doubled over in laughter. Jimmy grinned at him, his eyes sparkling then walked off down the hallway. Thomas watched him until he disappeared into his bedroom. To take a shower in his shower. Thomas took a deep breathe and then grabbed Philip’s crap. He needed to get that over with. 

~~~

Jimmy was pissed. What was the fucking dick doing back already. It was already taking up Thomas’ time and he had too little of it to begin with. Jimmy wouldn’t get to see him and Jimmy only felt like his two feet were on the ground about him. It was selfish, but so what, he thought. He was selfish and he always had been. He grinned a bit remembering his mother yelling at him for it but it wasn’t something she could unteach him. He was it. He liked attention and he craved Thomas’. He was trying hard to think too hard about why he craved Thomas’. 

That scared him. So, he focused on the fact the Dick of Crowborough was once again. Maybe this time he might get a shot at punching him in his smug and arrogant face. He didn’t deserve Thomas and he thought about what he’d told Sybil earlier. He knew Dick didn’t see Thomas, not the real him and there were a few times. When he saw them together he almost didn’t know Thomas. The way Thomas talked about their relationship made it sound more like an arrangement. 

It was devoid of romance or love. Sybil said there had been — once. Jimmy shook his head that was unbelievable to him. It felt impossible. Philip seemed incapable of actual love, just possession and not even the passionate kind. Jimmy grinned and hoped Thomas told him the reason they empty all his stuff out was because he moved in. 

“Take that, Dick,” he laughed to himself as he entered the pub. There was different woman behind the stand but her face lit up with recognition when she saw him. And that was a weird feeling.

“You’re him…. Sorry I don’t know your name. But you’re him the singer.”

“Yeah, guilty. Jimmy Kent.”

“I’ll get Bernard, just wait here.” 

Jimmy nodded and started playing piano scales on his thighs with his fingers. He shifted on his feet. Suddenly nervous and told himself that Thomas was right. No singing without any cash in exchange for it. He was popular, he was vital sensation that had to give him leverage. And he’d use it. Maybe he could use it on the bartending interview too… Unless this was big enough he wouldn’t need it? No, that wouldn’t happen, he had to be realistic as much as a pain in the ass it was. 

“Jimmy?”

Jimmy turned toward his name and cursed. “Rex.”

“I…” Rex nervously looked down. “Was just hoping you were ok?”

“I’m…” Jimmy swallowed the dandy that was on his tongue. He couldn’t blow the guy off again. “I’m sorry about last night, I just…it’s a long story and you got caught in it. No hard feelings?”

Rex shrugged. “Nah, man… I just is it that guy Thomas?” 

“What about him?”

“Just you talked about him.. A lot really.” 

“Oh… we’re not…” Jimmy sighed. “Look, I’ve just been going through a bunch of things and I thought maybe a date with a stranger might help. But it didn’t… so I’m sorry.

“Yeah? We all go through things, right? It’s okay, man. No, hard feelings. I’ll just you know see you when you play, here, right? Friends?”

“Sure. And yeah see if I get the gig…” Jimmy said. “Waiting to see.”

Rex nodded and turned around. Jimmy watched him walk back to a table where a girl with red hair was glaring at him. He gave her his cheekiest smile before his eyes fell on the back of Rex’s head. He felt guilty and stupid. In retrospect it wasn’t the worst mistake of his life, that date. But his thoughts during it were still haunting him. He kept wondering if he could break his bad patterns. He really hoped he could. It was strange to feel such relief, and it was a relief. He’d been so tired of lying about liking men, so tired of hiding it. He felt more alive now but still trapped. Like he hadn’t managed to walk all the way out yet. And he couldn’t help it, he felt bothered by it. 

“Jimmy Kent?”

“Yes, sir,” he said turning with his charming grin to see an older man with white hair. 

“Bernard Adamson, I own this place and I’ve been looking for someone to use that little stage for awhile.”

“Plenty of singers around.”

“Only like good ones,” he said. “And you’re good.”

Jimmy tried to check the smug grin but he couldn’t quite do it. 

“And you know it, good to know. I want to start it out slow. Friday nights?”

“I get paid?” Jimmy asked.

“Of course, of course.”

Jimmy looked around and thought about it. He need another job, so one day a week sounded good. It could always change up. “Yeah, I’m in for Friday nights? Starting next week?”

“Good, good…. Let’s talk details in my office.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jimmy felt lighter than air his finger itching to grab his cell phone and text Thomas


	37. Chapter 37

Philip held open his door as Thomas walked through it with the garment bags and a box. Thomas walked straight head and threw the garment bags over the back of Philip's leather couch. He put the box on the a table and turned around. As he expected Philip was blocking his way back out of the apartment. He'd been hoping he could get in and get out. He knew it was a foolish expectation but he'd hoped nevertheless. 

"You already had my stuff packed." Philip stood his arms crossed over his chest. 

"I did," Thomas said.

"Just exactly why? How far in advance did you plan our break up? Was it the moment I stepped on the plane?"

"It wasn't."

"Please, the minute you met him you started planning this."

"What?" Thomas shook his head baffled. "Are you going on about?"

"Jimmy."

"Fuck off," Thomas yelled. "Just stop. Our issues are not Jimmy."

"Aren't they though… it's all paypack isn't it? That pretty face showed up and you saw your opportunity. Cause god forbid you ever be alone."

"You're not making any sense?"

"You were never fullly into this relationship."

"I…" Thomas felt his hackles rise. "I was fucking committed to you and you threw it away into the trash. It was one thing when we were kids, Philip. When were teenagers… I made my share of different mistakes back then too. But we were in our twenties, we were living together and you trashed it. Trashed it. I loved you, you're the one who trashed it."

"And you never forgave me."

"I did Philip."

"No, you didn't," Philip spat out. "You went and fell for that stupid fuck up."

"Don't."

"What? Talk about the beloved Edward? The one you raise over my head like he was some bastion of perfection? He was insane, Thomas, crazy. He belonged in that instituation…" 

"Stop," Thomas warned. 

"What the hell was it, did you get turned on by the mood swings?"

Thomas' lunged forward and his fist rammed right into Philip's nose in a hard and sudden punch. Philip staggered backward and slumped over the arm of a chair that was behind him. He tumbled comically to Thomas, swearing the whole way. Then he got his feet and put his hand to nose and stared at the blood. 

"Edward made me realize I'd never loved you. Not truly. I thought I did, I thought I got it but I didn't until him. He was damaged Philip but he was less so than you. You can't love anyone but yourself. You think you love me but it's all about possession. I barely saw you, Philip. Oh, you'd use the flat to hide from your father. But we barely saw each other -- it was all just booty calls. Then Jimmy showed up and I couldn't turn around without you being there."

"Admit it then… you didn't want me there. Because you want that dumb kid who gets drunk every night and fucks Anstruther for her connections."

"Well, maybe we have that common, lord knows I was just fucking you for yours… I lied to myself and you lied to yourself but that's ALL IT WAS."

"This is grand revenge then is it? Well, it's going to backfire because you'll never get those connections now, will you?"

"I don't need them."

"Of course you do Thomas… you're nothing, you're a NOBODY. He made sure of it… you're the disgrace. All that money you're putting away, it'll mean nothing without someone backing you. Now you can't afford to turn on Edith. You needed me and now what will you do?"

"Thing is Philip… you already gave me your help. Every single connection you helped me make; they came to me. Me. When the news of you and Mary hit the world and said they'd stand by me -- because they admire my work ethic. They like me better than you because I earned their trust. SHould try actually working for something Philip. It's quite fulfilling."

"Admit then… this is all your revenge."

Thomas sighed and he just felt… sorry for him. "Philip none of it was about you. Not Edward and not Jimmy. None of it. You had my heart once, once, but you broke it too many times. Maybe someday you'll find someone that you'll really love. You'll get it then…"

"So, you do love him."

Thoma sighed. "All I know is I need him… I don't need you."

"I can ruin you…." Philip spat out but it lacked conviction. 

"Go ahead and try. Being petty has always cheered up your mood." Thomas walked past him and opened the door that would lead him away from Philip Dewel, Future Duke of Crowborough. 

~~~

Jimmy walked into Betwixt with a smug grin on his face. They waved him through with no preamble. It was the first time it happened when he wasn't with Anstruther. To know it was because of who he was, or maybe who he knew -- Thomas. But he thought it was probably both. People knew him, he'd gotten recognized a few times on his way to his interview and once as his way to Betwixt. It was weird and awesome. He wanted to find Thomas and brag. He had a lot to brag about, it'd been a good day. He headed toward the elevators but he heard a voice saying his name. 

"Jimmy!" 

He turned and blinked. The woman coming up to him looked familiar. Pretty, great legs…graceful, he frowned because she wasn't moving, she had reached him and was looking right at him. "Hi?" he offered.

"Oh, you don't remember me. We danced together, the other night? Come on, you have to dance with me at least once. Promise. The DJ is awesome… come on. My name is Lisa, maybe I should have started with that? Sorry, I drank a Globe in like 2 seconds flat. Work was a bitch today. I saw your youtube -- you know that song you were making up on the dance floor was way better than whatever it was you sang."

"It was the Beatles," Jimmy said and found it surprising he could because did she breathe? If she used up all her oxygen could she still dance? 

"Come on, dance with us… Laurie's here too."

"Laurie?"

"The other girl…she was stuck with Pamuk. She feels owed."

"Oh…I…" he looked around. "Have you seen Thomas Barrow?"

"Who?"

"The tall guy, dark hair, really hot… he manages the place?"

"Oh… Dracula."

"What?" Jimmy laughed.

"Laurie calls him Dracula. She wants him to bite her. But we all know he only bites boys. Ooh, have you been bitten, Laurie will turn green!"

"Are you high?"

"Probably." She grabbed his arm then and Jimmy looked around for Thomas but see him. The music was great and he did love ot dance. And he had a lot to celebrate. 

~~~

Thomas flexed his hand and shook his head. His knuckles were definitely bruised and he frowned at them. He gotten a handful of questions during his run throughs before the doors opened. He gave no straight answers but he knew that would just fuel the fire. But for some reason he couldn't quite come up with a good story to cover it. He couldn't tell the truth. He wasn't going to cause a scandal for Philip -- no matter how tempting it would be. 

His words about Edward had erased the small bits of him that still held onto some sort of feeling for him. Now it was just hatred and pity. It was all he felt and what he'd always feel. Philip would be his cautionary tale and never a love story -- not that he would be sharing his stories with anyone. The only problem really he had right now was if his bluster was true. He pulled up the files, all the people that Philip introduced him too. All the people who were primed to follow him when he left Betwixt in his wake. Would they follow? They all in some way or form since the 'break up' told him that they were with him. Didn't that mean he did have them? Would a word from Philip steer them away? 

He guessed he'd find out. Philip was petty. That was a given. He stared at the names a few times and the figures of the money that came with them. He stared at it and felt a weird pit in his gut. But it wasn't about doubting their allegiance. It was how much Philip was tied to the plan. How Philip when they got back together became encourager and cohort in the scheme. Thomas shut his laptop quickly, taking the names and dollar signs away from his sight. It was time to get back to work. 

~~~

"Really, just a sparkling water," Jimmy said for the fourth time. The woman behind the bar, who looked really familiar but he couldn't place it finally nodded. Laurie and Lisa were another story.

"Come on Jimmy have a globe, you gotta catch up with us," Laurie hung on his arm. 

"I really jsut want water," Jimmy said and he was a bit amazed he was staying steadfast. It felt good, this was good choice, he thought. The bartender returned with two globes in her hands. One pink and one purple. The two girls grabbed them. Lisa nudged Jimmy with her hip. "We're sitting over there," she pointed to a table where two other women were sitting. They all waved. "Come over, Brenda and Lela will want to meet you."

"Yeah, sure…" he said and turned around. The bartender had a bottle of sparkling water and her hand out. "I'm paying for them aren't I?"

She nodded.

"Do I know you?"

"I"m Emma."

"Emma?"

"I saw you take the pill."

"Oh," Jimmy laughed. "Good. I mean thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Um…" he looked behind him. "I'm pretty sure Lisa and Laurie there are high out of their minds."

"Me too, but I think they do it before they get here."

"Good to know," Jimmy grinned at her. But then he saw Thomas on the other side of the rounded bar. "Thomas…" he muttered as he grabbed his water and left.

"Money…" she yelled after him.

"Start me a tab," he yelled back and darted between people in the crowd. The only problem was Thomas was moving and he walked quickly. "Thomas," he called out but they were too near the dance floor where there were too many other people shouting to be heard. Jimmy scowled and picked up his pace which meant when he finally caught up with Thomas he plowed right into him because Thomas had come to a sudden and complete stop. 

"Watch it," Thomas snapped but his mouth closed when he saw Jimmy. 

"Hey," Jimmy said finding his balance easy enough. "You didn't hear me yelling."

"No."

"I just… I got the singing gig. It's just one night a week, Friday's but he's paying me and it could turn to more. But I did get the job I interviewed for today, and they were fine with me needing Friday's off. But yeah, I can start chipping on rent and what not." 

Thomas' smile nearly knocked him off his feet. He couldn't think for a full moment, or hear, because Thomas was talking and Jimmy wasn't listening at all. "Jimmy? JIMMY?" 

Jimmy snapped out of himself. "Sorry, sorry… I…" he trailed off because he couldn't well admit he'd just been dazed stupid by Thomas' mouth. Though, he thought it was very understandable. He couldn't be the only one that ever happened to. 

"You had a Globe didn't you?"

"What? No, no… Just this," he held up sparkling water. "Well, actually not this, I haven't had any yet really."

Thomas grinned again and Jimmy swallowed. "I'm proud of you."

"For not drinking?"

"That too if you want, but I meant the singing gig. You'll do great, Jimmy. It'll get you noticed."

"More noticed, you mean," Jimmy winked.

"More noticed."

"I was looking for you earlier but Lisa and Laurie wanted to dance."

"Who?"

"Girls from the video."

"Oh. They were good dancers."

"Had to be to keep up with me."

"Yes," Thomas shook his head but he was smiling again and Jimmy watched it light up his eyes. He felt himself step closer to Thomas and he was already so close but it just wasn't' enough. 

Thomas eyes dropped to Jimmy's mouth for a moment before they met Jimmy's eyes. "I do have to…"

"Work?"

"Yeah," he ducked his head. 

"Yeah… I'll be with Laurie and Lisa. I guess. They are great to dance with."

"Have fun then."

"We're sitting over there…" he pointed in the direction. "Bar area, Emma's tending."

Thomas nodded. 

Jimmy stood where he was finding he couldn't move.

Thomas seemed stuck to but then someone in the Betwixt uniform walked up and took away his attention. Jimmy felt irritation slide down his skin as he watched Thomas walk off with her. But he shook it off and turned around to meet Brenda and Lela, though he really had no desire too at all. 

~~~

Thomas watched Michael head into the backroom to get more olives. He turned around and dropped a pair of keys into the box where they kept them. He'd taken them off a couple who managed to see take off their tops. As soon as he got both women to put their shirts back on, he grabbed their keys and their names -- which he put down in the log. Which was already a long list of names and he sighed. It was one of those Saturdays. He felt like he'd been walking the floors since the beginning of time. His feet were starting to hurt, he was sweaty and he was thirsty. 

He started toward the elevators but he caught sight of the area Jimmy said his friends were stationed at. He headed toward it and saw Jimmy alone a table, scowling at his phone. Thomas felt himself light up at the sight of him and he was at the table before being aware of walking over there. He slide across from Jimmy and just stared at him. Abashedly. He was beautiful, as beautiful and bright as the moment he met him. 

Slowly Jimmy became aware that he wasn't alone and he looked up, his expression cautious but then a wide grin broke out and Thomas reminded himself to breathe. "Why were you scowling?"

"My father… keeps leaving me irate messages. Wants me to stop over. Don't know why, I guess he wants to tell me to sod off face to face."

"I'll go with you," Thomas offered.

Jimmy's smile widened but he shook his head. "No. I gotta handle it on my own, I think. But… I'll keep it mind."

"Good. You having fun?"

"Yeah, actually… who knew you could do that without alcohol."

Thomas laughed.

"I mean I'm not going to stop drinking but I just needed to know I could." 

"Sitting this one out?"

"Those girls have endless energy, though they're higher than kites."

"What?"

"They came here that way, according to Emma."

Thomas frowned but he felt a bit relief at the mention of Emma. "That Emma's going to go places she keeps playing her cards right."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well, she's running up my tab, cause apparently Laurie, Lisa and the other two think I'm rich."

"Don't worry about it."

"Don't say that too loud, everyone will know you give me special treatment."

Thomas felt his cheeks heat. "I need to go downstairs, come with me?"

"Hell, yeah," Jimmy jumped up. 

Thomas chuckled and they fell into unison as they walked. Jimmy went right to his drawer of water bottles as Thomas walked ot the closet. He shrugged out of the sweaty shirt and grabbed a clean crisp one to put on. 

"You know," Jimmy said and he pointed at Thomas with the water bottle. 

"What?" Thomas asked liking the way Jimmy was looking him up and down. 

"Everyone would thank me if I talked you into go back upstairs without a shirt on."

Thomas scoffed and started to button up the shirt. 

"I'm right."

"I'm sure your not."

"No, I am."

Thomas turned back around but startled a bit because Jimmy was right there. "Hey."

"Hey." Jimmy held up the bottle. "For you."

"Thank you," he said and reached out to take it. 

Only Jimmy grabbed his hand. "What happened?"

"Oh," Thomas looked at his bruised knuckles and instantly remembered Jimmy didn't know he and Philip broke up. He needed to tell him. 

"Thomas, seriously what happened?"

"I punched him."

"Who?"

"Philip."

Jimmy's mouth fell open. "You punched him?"

"Yeah."

Jimmy face exploded into joy, his grin wide and all teeth and he lightly punched Thomas on the shoulder. "Fuck, yeah, you punched that smug bastard. Why?"

"It's…." Thomas took a breath because he felt he should start at the beginning and that was the breakup only his phone rang and it was the ring tone he gave the security office. "Fuck.. That’s securty."

"Did you film it?"

Thomas gave Jimmy a look as he answered the phone.

"Fine, okay you probably didn't know you were going to punch him? Was it public, it could be on youtube!"

Thomas shook his head and tried not to laugh as he was being told about the irate customer that they had in their little holding cell upstairs. An irate customer with an important last name. Some daughter of someone who was underage if Thomas was right. "I gotta take care of this," he told Jimmy. "I'll be right up."

Jimmy's smile faded. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

"No. It's fine. High girls are kind of entertaining. You know where to find me."

"I do."

"Man, I wish I was there, hell, I wish I'd punched him." Jimmy gripped his shoulder and squeezed. "Find me?"

"Of course," Thomas said and for the first time in a really long time he wished he didn't have a job to do.


	38. Chapter 38

Jimmy grabbed a shirt from Thomas' closet in his office. He guessed one of the downfall of being sober was you noticed when you got all sweaty. Or you at least cared when you noticed you got all sweaty. He shook his head and went to grab a water. He'd found Thomas a few more times, brief moments where they got to talk and laughed. Or stared. Jimmy was kind of thinking they were doing a lot of staring. But it wasn't bothering them, at least it wasn't bothering Jimmy. He liked Thomas looking at him, he wanted Thomas to always look at him. Maybe he should worry about that, about how irritated he was every time someone distracted Thomas. Or rather reminded Thomas he was working. Jimmy sighed, he'd almost literally growled at Emma. He might have even considered following her back the bar to do it, but Laurie grabbed him and dragged him back to the dance floor.

Which was awesome… people stopping to watch him. Guys and girls asking him to show them moves. He was pretty sure half the people who asked already knew, they just wanted him to touch them. Which was weird, maybe a bit creepy but it was fun. Even if none of them were who he wanted to touch. He wanted to touch Thomas. 

He drank down a large gulp of the water and sat on the edge of Thomas' desk. He was tired of dancing, he might just stay down here. It probably mean he'd see Thomas again sooner rather than later. He grinned at that looked around his office. It was pretty sparse, but there had to be something to do… Right. Or he was going to get bored and end up going back up stairs. He moved to the actual chair and opened a few drawers. But there was nothing of interest. If he didn't know better he'd think Thomas was right boring right now. He reached out to open up his laptop but his eyes fell on the picture frame. 

"Edward," he whispered it as he picked it up and looked at the guy. 

"Handsome," Jimmy thought and he wondered about him. What was underneath the face because Thomas would need more. He wrote poetry, Jimmy thought that was brave. He wasn't all that sure he was brave enough when he tried to write songs. He didn't understand not sharing it with Thomas though -- he wanted to tell Thomas everything. 

Jimmy sighed and tried to stifle the rush of emotions rolling through him and he looked at Edward again. "Why aren't I jealous of you? I'm talking to a picture." He started laughing. "What would I be saying if were drunk? What do you think Edward? Probably that I want to kiss him, only time I'd feel brave enough." 

Or stupid, he thought and he put down the photograph, careful to try to put it back where it belonged. Sure that Thomas would notice he moved it if he didn't -- and he probably didn't but damn it he was going to try. He leaned back in the chair and sighed. Now he'd gone and reminded himself of one of his biggest problems. 

He never kissed a guy sober, it was always with liquid courage and he just didn't want to be that guy. He couldn't be that guy, he had to be comfortable in his own skin. He liked being comfortable in his own skin, it made him blush less when he was the center of attention. His dreams meant being noticed, watched and he didn't want it to be drunken mistakes like the other night. He wanted to remember, he wanted to be in control. He was surprisingly good with being bisexual and he remembers all the reasons he was afraid to admit it, all of them but looking back they don't seem much to matter. Losing Alfred hurt, it will hurt, but it's only because now he knows that was on Alfred. It was never on him. He's fine, finer than fine, he'd been upstairs with guys and girls grabbing at him -- all of them hot and fun. It was good. 

"Would've been better with Thomas…" 

There that was again the constant want and need. His feelings for Thomas swirled and threatened to overwhelm him and Jimmy sighed because he wasn't sure what do with them all. He wasn't sure he was ready to face it all as much as he craved it. 

"God, I crave him…" he moaned. Then he head the door and he jumped to his feet. 

"Oh, it's just you," Thomas said with a relieved breath and large smile. 

Jimmy grinned at him.

"And you're wearing one of my shirts," Thomas said in an odd voice. 

"Mine got nasty. All that dancing."

"I saw… you seemed to be enjoying yourself."

Thomas' voice was edgy and Jimmy wondered if it was jealous. "You shouldn't've come onto the dance floor."

"I don't dance," Thomas laughed. 

"Really? I thought you said we danced that night."

"You danced anything I did was all you."

"Had my hands all over you did I," Jimmy said with a wink. 

"That you did," Thomas sighed. "And there I was unable to enjoy it."

Jimmy felt suddenly embarrassed and ducked his head. "I was foolish that night."

"Very."

"Well, I learned my lesson didn't I?"

Thomas met his eyes and nodded. "You are okay? Really?"

Jimmy grinned. "Yeah. I mean I'm not okay. But, you know today my mood hasn't plummeted today and I was just thinking about all the reasons why it did on that date I never should've gone on."

"Really?"

"I've never kissed a guy sober." 

"Not once?"

"No. I was afraid of it, for a long time. But I felt I had to do it at least once. So I found a gay club, got drunk as hell. Kissed a lot of guys that night." 

"Sounds like a good time."

"Yeah… then after that. It was just how I managed it and then I'd blame the alcohol and tell myself it didn't count. It was stupid. Really stupid. And I don't know.. I don't why I fought it because now that I'm not it's so much easier."

"You're right, once you stop fighting something and give into it. It does make you feel easier."

"Yeah," Jimmy said. 

Thomas grinned at him and Jimmy fell into another trance. He stared and he knew he was staring but he didn't care. He was taking in the light in Thomas' eyes that he was sure only existed for him. He was looking at his lips and the way his mouth was curled into a smile -- one he was sure was only for him. He felt his mouth go dry and brought the water bottle to his lips, breaking the spell. 

"We can go home," Thomas said after a beat. 

"Yeah." 

"Good, I'm exhausted."

~~~

Jimmy snored. 

Thomas held back a chuckled, not wanting to wake him up. Turns out Jimmy wasn't kidding when he said he was exhausted. Thomas tried to pay attention to the traffic. Because he had no plans to die that night but he kept glancing over at Jimmy. He put on one of his white shirts and it made his golden skin stand out against it and he hadn't buttoned it all the way up and there was so much skin for Thomas' eyes to feast on. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel and forced his eyes back ont he road. 

But he'd glance.

And glance.

And glance. 

Somehow he got them back to their building. He pulled into his space and took off his seatbelt. Then he turned to the man softly snoring and looking fucking too beautiful for words asleep in the passenger seat. Thomas stared at him and his eyes fell to his mouth. He licked his lips and fought down the urge to kiss him. But he wanted too, wanted to kiss him awake but he couldn't… He couldn't do that. 

Jimmy needed time and space. Thomas repeated that in his head over and over. Just because he was free now didn't meant he could have him -- as much as he wanted it. Because he needed him, he needed Jimmy and if he messed up their relationship as it was… He wouldn't forgive himself. 

He shook him awake. 

Jimmy eyes opened slowly and then he grinned lazily up at Thomas. "I'm not even drunk and I passed out?"

"Must be getting old," Thomas said.

"Don't be stupid," Jimmy laughed. 

Then they were out of the car and walking down the hall to their flat. Thomas went to open the door but Jimmy grabbed his hand again. Thomas felt his breath lodge in his throat. Jimmy's fingers brushed over the bruises. "Does it hurt?"

"A bit, not much now."

"Worth it though?" Jimmy asked, his thumb still bruising over Thomas's knuckles, whispering against his skin. He felt something warm, soft roll through him leaving him with naked need. He licked his lips and pulled his hand free gently. 

"Oh, very worth it," he answered but his voice cracked and ruined his attempt at composure. He unlocked the door and the walked inside. Jimmy went over to the couch and flopped down with a sigh. 

"Bet I can't sleep now that were here… start thinking about it all over again." 

Thomas dropped his stuff on his desk and walked over and sat down next to him. "What’s that?"

Jimmy turned his head and the were sitting there, face to face, their fingers touched between them, their hands on the coushins. "That…" Jimmy's eyes deep down to his mouth. Thomas licked his lips he couldn't stop it and he was staring at Jimmy's mouth again. 

"That I've never kissed anyone without being drunk… that I'd really like to."

"Oh."

"Yeah…but I.. Don’t want to kiss just anyone. If I'm sober I need, I can't lie to myself and I can't pretend it's nothing. Not when it's the first kiss… I want it to be…" His eyes fell onto his mouth again and Thomas heard it the unvoiced wish. 

"Jimmy…" he breathed out but he wasn't sure what it was he was saying. Are you sure? I shouldn't? 

Jimmy seemed to move closer, or had that been him? He was so close, Thomas could smell him and he sighed because it was all sunshine and brightness. It was him. His eyes closed but then he blinked them wide open and his eyes fell onto Jimmy's mouth. 

"Thom…"

Thomas pressed his mouth against Jimmy's. It was soft and quiet. Thomas was holding his breath as his lips moved slowly. They ghosted against Jimmy's and he waited because he was asking him. Jimmy's hand grabbed Thomas' a second before he pushed in closer, pressed his own mouth against Thomas'. It was still soft and quiet. It was a push pull of lips and then slowly tongue. Their handhold tightened and fingers threaded through fingers. They gripped the other’s hand tightly and their kiss became wetter and faster. Someone groaned as their tongues met or it was the both of them. Thomas would swear it was him but it didn't really care because he was kissing Jimmy. Thomas thrust his tongue deeper into his mouth, wanting to taste more of Jimmy.

Jimmy let go of his hand and put his hands onto Thomas' shoulders. He was straddling his lap changing the angle of the kiss. Thomas looking up and Jimmy down and they kissed. Hot and heavy, wet lips and some teeth. They both seemed to be humming. Or that was Jimmy and Thomas was lost in the vibration. He wanted more, he needed more. Thomas grabbed Jimmy's hips and he rolled his upward and pressed in harder on the kiss making it even deeper and dirtier, his hands pushed up under the shirt. Jimmy moaned into his mouth and suddenly his hands were pulling at buttons and Thomas followed suit. They broke apart because of it and would surge back in to kiss again and again. The shirts found the floor and they both all hands, rolling hips and lost in the kissing. 

"Closer, closer…" Jimmy muttered against his lips and he moved on top of Thomas like he was trying to claw inside of him. Thomas was trying for it too because even though he knew they were chest to chest it was all to far apart. His hands down Jimmy's spine and Jimmy mewled into his mouth and that made his hips rolled up and ground against Jimmy. And he could feel him, hard, for him. His hands dropped to Jimmy's jeans and he popped open the button. 

And Jimmy froze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG I've been trying to get this moment since like chapter 24 but as writing plans go I kept realizing that I had to do more and more little things. But YAY FINALLY got here. 
> 
> WHEW.
> 
> I slow burn tease myself people!


	39. Chapter 39

"Closer, closer…" Jimmy muttered against his lips and he moved on top of Thomas like he was trying to claw inside of him. Thomas was trying for it too because even though he knew they were chest to chest it was all to far apart. His hands down Jimmy's spine and Jimmy mewled into his mouth and that made his hips rolled up and ground against Jimmy. And he could feel him, hard, for him. His hands dropped to Jimmy's jeans and he popped open the button. 

And Jimmy froze. Thomas mouth was against his jaw and he mouthed one last kiss against his skin, his hands slid to Jimmy’s hips. Jimmy breath hitched and Thomas leaned back against the couch and Jimmy was looking down at him with wide eyes. He reached up and touched his face and Jimmy leaned into it. Thomas let out a breath and Jimmy’s mouth was on his mouth again. Thomas moved his other hand up Jimmy’s spine and silently asked him to make the next move. 

Jimmy’s eyes flicked up and met Thomas. They were a deep blue and seemed to be shining. Thomas held his breath and stroked Jimmy’s cheekbone with his thumb and pressed his other hand against the base of his neck. Jimmy ducked his down and hummed. Thomas thought he might never remember how to breathe. Jimmy licked his lips and started to lean down when the door flew opened. 

Their heads swung in unison toward it, their bodies paused mid-action. Sybil stood framed by the door and stared at them. “I left…” she stammered and walked into the flat and picked up her book bag that was on the table. “I just.. Books.. You two carry on, I’m sure you know what’re doing.” 

And she was gone. 

And so was Jimmy. Thomas had to restrain himself not to grab at him as he moved out of Thomas’ hold. Thomas looked up at him from where he sat, Jimmy standing just a inch to far away for Thomas to touch. 

“Th..that..that…” Jimmy stuttered and his face was red. “Um. Yeah. Uh. Thank you… I, um, would like to sleep now.”

Thomas took in the heavy blush and Jimmy’s darting eyes and held back a sigh. Everything rushing backwards on him in slow motion and how he was just going to kiss him. Just gently kiss him so it would be someone he knew he liked. Just kiss him, Thomas wanted to kick himself, he’d taken it way to far and way too fast. There were a million reason he shouldn’t’ve done so — hadn’t he just promised himself he wouldn’t do anything to ruin their friendship. To taint what they have. 

He stood up and Jimmy stepped backwards to stay out his reach. Thomas closed his eyes for a brief moment to try to center himself. He opened his mouth thinking maybe he should say something. Apologize? But no, he couldn’t apologize for it, he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Instead he did reach out and grab Jimmy’s hand just for a split second. Just long enough to get Jimmy to look at him. He didn’t know why but he needed eye contact. Jimmy looked right at him his eyes still a deep deep blue. Thomas held back another sigh and let go of his hand and walked into his room. 

He leaned against his door the second it closed. “Fuck.” 

Thomas groaned and started taking off his clothes. He needed a shower. A very cold one. He cursed and grumbled his way into his bathroom and turned on the shower. He braced himself and stepped right under the cold spray and leaned his head down and let it it the tiled wall. He clearly told himself when they were still in the car that he wasn’t going to jeopardize their friendship. Then what does he do? Thomas hit the wall with fist and winced. He shook out his hand and grabbed soap.   
“He wanted you too…” Thomas muttered. But Jimmy never said the words, neither of them spoke. But they been staring, they were doing that more and more. And a voice in Thomas’ head kept whispering that he’d freed himself from Philip. It was the same voice that wanted to touch every inch of Jimmy Kent, wanted to hold him and kiss him and fuck him. But it was the voice he should have answered with a no. A clear and solid no. Jimmy wasn’t ready for.. He was far from ready for what Thomas wanted from him. Because Thomas wanted everything from Jimmy. 

He would need to apologize but how did he do that when he wasn’t sorry at all. Because it’d been better than all his dreams. It’d far outweighed all his fantasies. Kissing Jimmy Kent felt like something he never experienced before his life and he was mind blown by it. He loved Edward, their first kiss had shocked Thomas. He never knew the action could so define the feeling of love. And every touch between them had been like that. But this different, this was even grander. With Jimmy it felt like they were on fire, burning bright, and stoking the other’s flame. All he felt, all he was afraid to feel, all of it wrapped lit him up from inside out when he touched Jimmy. When they kissed and touched and tried to get closer and closer. 

“Fuck, I am in love with him.”

~~~

Jimmy sat on the couch, running his thumb over his bottom lip. It tingled, his whole body tingled. Everywhere Thomas touched and everywhere he didn’t. Jimmy felt drunk but he knew he was sober. Unless Thomas counted as an elixir and it was one Jimmy knew he could become addicted too. What had that been? It wasn’t a kiss. He laughed at himself but it was true. It was true because that hadn’t been a kiss. That hadn’t been making out. That had been foreplay. 

Jimmy tensed at the thought. He froze again as if Thomas’ hands were on his fly again. He looked down and saw the open button and closed his eyes. Thomas stopped and slid his hand up his spine. Living behind a trail of goosepimples. Jimmy shivered and let out a frustrated groan. He wanted it, he wanted Thomas… 

But it was too much, it was so much. Thomas wouldn’t be… a learning experience. Thomas was meant to be a final experience. Was he ready for that? He felt like his heart was pumping too fast, he might run out of heartbeats. His breathe quickened. He was terrified. Terrified of it all, Thomas made him feel too much. But he couldn’t run away. “Fuck running away.” 

He wasn’t doing that anymore. He’d promised himself. So he couldn’t runaway from Thomas. But he couldn’t let that happen again. All he wanted was a kiss. He laughed again and realized he should’ve known better. There was no way a kiss with Thomas Barrow would be short and sweet. Thomas wasn’t sweet and neither was he. No they went right at it, didn’t they, Jimmy crawled right onto his lap and thrust his tongue down his throat.

Foreplay. Jimmy shivered and wondered how long it would take to feel ready for Thomas? Would Thomas wait? No, Thomas had a boyfriend. He was a dick but Thomas cared about him. But he’d punched him? Anger jabbed at Jimmy. Thomas should’ve have a dick of a boyfriend who aggravated him into punching him. He didn’t know the story but it was Dick’s fault. Sybil asked him to get Thomas away from him. 

“Well, I guess that was a start. But you aren’t ready to catch Thomas… are you?” He wanted to be that was the answer but was he? Was he? He sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “I should apologize.” 

He heard the arguments, he knew there was history of cheating between Philip and Thomas. He knew it wasn’t Thomas and he knew Thomas. He knew him, he’d never cheat on someone. “Enter me…” a smug smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. “No, not something to be proud of, Kent.” 

But he was but that didn’t change the fact. He gotten Thomas do something out of character. Something he was probably feeling guilty about right now. The Dick didn’t deserve such emotion. Jimmy touched his lips again and remembered Thomas tongue against them. He wanted it back. But couldn’t have it… Even if he was ready for it. 

“I want to be.”

~~~

Thomas woke up early. He tried to bury his head into his pillow. Hide from the sun and the hour. But his brain was spinning and his dick was hard. He gotten little sleep, his mind always descending into the memory of the kiss. And he’d let it. He wanted to remember every touch, every nip of Jimmy’s lips and ever stroke of his hands against his chest. Thomas moaned and rolled off the bed. 

He walked to the door and stood there for a long moment. What was he going to say? What was he going do? How did he make sure it wasn’t awkward? What did he say? Was it something they needed to talk about or was something they should avoid. Ignore it like an elephant, Thomas snorted at the phrase and at himself. He wasn’t sure what the fuck to do? Follow Jimmy’s lead? What if he decided to follow Thomas? 

“Fuck.”

 

Thomas stepped backward away from his door. He looked at his bathroom door and considered another cold shower. But he was hungry and he was thirsty. He needed coffee. And he needed to see Jimmy. He wanted to make sure he was okay. That he wasn’t upset and shaking. That Thomas had spun him into another down mood where he was unsure and crying. 

“Fuck.”

 

If only he knew what do, Thomas thought. Because he was lost and he had no words and no plans. But things were completely different now. Thomas knew he was in love with Jimmy. No, he knew more than that Jimmy owned him. Jimmy owned every single bit of him that made him Thomas Barrow. He would do anything. Even let him go. Wait forever if he had too. He would do it. He loved him and he needed him. 

He was terrified to go out there. To see him. To take his lead on where they went now. If it was pretend, Thomas would pretend. If it was to talk about it, Thomas would try to find the right words. But he did know Jimmy wouldn’t declare his love, he did know Jimmy wasn’t ready for this — for what Thomas felt. No he’d have to hide it and he wondered if he could. Because he knew it now. He wished for his ignorance back but that was pointless one. 

Thomas turned the knob and walked out of his room. He made it down the hallway and into the living room. His brow furrowed and he frowned deeply. He looked around the flat, the couch, the kitchenette. 

Jimmy was gone.

Thomas blinked and something heavy landed on his chest. He had to focus to breathe. Then he swiftly walked over to the couch and let out loud whoosh of relief when he saw Jimmy’s guitar. He wasn’t gone gone. He’d just left because Thomas pushed him to far and fast last night. Thomas breathed a little easier and then walked into the kitchen. And a bowl of strawberries was on the counter with a note on it. 

_New boss called. I had to go in._

Thomas reread a few times and made himself take on face value. He would see Jimmy soon enough. They would talk. Or not talk. Whatever Jimmy wanted and Thomas would give it to him. Thomas just hoped that Jimmy wanted their status quo. Because their friendship was easy and good in ways that Thomas never experienced before. The last he wanted was to lose that because he’d thought with his body and not his mind.


	40. Chapter 40

Jimmy tapped his fingers against the table he was sitting at. He was at the Flaming Wombat the pub where gotten a job bartending. He’d been threw orientation and worked a short shift. His first real shift would start in two days on Saturday and Friday he would be singing at the Pixie. He smiled a bit thinking about it all — it felt good and like he was finally taking his life in the right direction. He felt like he knew was he was doing and wasn’t that weird thought. 

But not everything was perfect. Thomas was a problem — he frowned, no Thomas wasn’t a problem. He was… He didn’t know what Thomas was and that was probably the problem. Not Thomas himself, it was more him, Jimmy thought. So, he tapped the table and sipped at his beer as he waited for Daisy. He wasn’t sure what made him call her but he needed to talk to someone and Thomas would be his first choice but he couldn’t talk to Thomas about Thomas. Which meant he couldn’t talk to Sybil either. Alfred was no long an option — he squirmed in his seat and wondered when that would stop burning. Ivy? Ivy was a question mark and he was fairly certain talking to her about a man he was attracted too would forever be off their topic list. 

So his fingers had found Daisy’s number and texted her, saying he really needed to talk to someone and if she minded. She texted him back nearly immediately and he asked her to come to the Wombat. He glanced toward the door and was a bit startled to see he walking toward him. She was wearing her blue work dress, the uniform of the pastry shop she worked at — Mrs. Patmore’s and her hair was completely different than last time he’d seen her. A blunt cut that went only to her chin. It suited her he thought. 

“This place is nice,” she said sitting down across from him. 

“Working here, bartender. Looking forward to it, actually,” he laughed because that didn’t sound like him.   
Daisy gave him a look but said nothing. "So, what is the emergency."

"Thomas."

"The man who took you in?"

"Yeah…. He's always saving me," Jimmy felt guilt wash over him. 

"What about him?"

Jimmy tapped his fingers against the table, then grabbed his drink. "Want a beer or anything?"

"Iced tea be good," she said. 

Jimmy stretched his arm up and waved toward his new co-worker Andy. Andy nodded and made his way over to the table; he looked between Jimmy and Daisy -- Jimmy thought maybe he did a double take at Daisy but went into the ordering. "Iced tea and another beer for me."

"Got it," Andy said and he walked away. 

Daisy watched him go. "He's tall." 

"Is he?" Jimmy shrugged. 

"Why am I here?" Daisy asked again.

"Right down to business you are, aren't you."

"You sounded downright desperate in your text, Jimmy."

"I… I bloody am," Jimmy sighed. "We kissed." 

"You and Thomas?"

"Yeah," Jimmy ran his hands through his hair. 

"And it was awful?"

"What? No, it was fucking fantastic." 

"And that's a problem?"

"Yes," Jimmy sighed. 

"I don't follow."

"It's… he has a boyfriend -- he's dick and he's cheated on Thomas, which is fucking insane. But I've heard Thomas throw in his face he'd never cheat --- and…."

"And he did."

"For me… he was doing me a favor."

"By kissing you?"

"Yeah…it's. You know how you told me you caught me going off to dark corners drunk off my ass with guys?"

"Yes." 

"Yeah well I went on this date. It was nice and all, but I was bored out of me mind."

"That doesn't sound nice."

"It was nice, really, Rex was nice. It was all nice. Why it was right boring, you know. So I was drinking and I wasn't drunk of me mind but I was fuzzy. And I let him kiss me, but he dragged me away from the crowd to do it. So I was all fuzzy with this guy who didn't matter but we were away from the crowd."

"Aren't you overreacting?"

"No, maybe, I don't know… but it freaked me out. I kept thinking why do I always have to be drunk with men. It felt so wrong, so utterly wrong. And well, I was at Betwixt but I didn't drink and Thomas and I… we went home and I was telling him about how I want to kiss a man sober. But I know it can't just be any guy -- not like Rex or the others. Someone I really like, someone I'm really attracted too…"

"Thomas?"

"God, yes…" Jimmy sighed.

"So he kissed you?"

"Yeah."

"And it was great?"

"Fucking amazing, we… Daisy, God, I think we were going to fuck but Sybil walked in and I realized how fast and far were going and shut down. I panicked and shut down." 

Daisy brown eyes were wide and she opened her mouth but Andy appeared with their drinks. He asked if they wanted any food and both of them shook their head. The moment he was out of earshot, Daisy leaned forward. "Seriously, one kiss and you two were going too…" she moved her hands and her cheeks went bright pink.

Jimmy grinned at her. "Yeah, definitely…. He's sexy, Daisy, he's… never been attracted to anyone in my life. And that kiss, it felt like we'd been doing it for years." 

"Okay, I'm not seeing the problem."

"I made him cheat on his boyfriend. He has a dick of a boyfriend, I mean he's arsehole but Thomas' is with him -- and I hate that, I hate that on the principle the guys a dick but I'm jeaous… and I know it. But…" Jimmy sighed. "Thomas is probably feeling guilty about it and I did that. And then there is," he sighed words failing him.

"What?"

"I don't think I'm ready for him."

"Ready for him?"

"Thomas, if… If he was free, I'm not ready for him." 

"How so?"

"It'd be… Forever, Daisy." Jimmy grabbed his beer. 

"Forever?"

"Like forever, him and me, death do us part."

Daisy laughed.

"This isn't funny."

"Didn't you just meet him?"

"Been about a month." 

"You've kissed once."

"Yeah."

"He has boyfriend."

"He's a dick."

"But you think if you were to get with him you'd marry him."

"Yes."

"That's absurd, Jimmy. You barely know him and it sounds ridiculous complicated. Just cause there might be something between you too doesn't mean it'll be forever."

"But…" Jimmy shook his head. "I'm not ready for that."

"Who says it would be that."

"Me." 

"Jimmy."

"I'd love him Daisy, hard, I would, I would fall… I am…" Jimmy trailed off. 

"You are dramatic."

"I'm not ready for it -- I just admitted to myself I'm bi. I'm just getting my life straightened out. I… I'm not at all ready for Thomas. It's terrifying. But I can't stay away either… I need him. He’s my best mate."

"Really? You just met him."

"But he is… I… need him but I'm not ready for how he makes me feel." 

"Plus he's dating someone else."

"Yeah." 

Daisy picked up her iced tea and took a long drink. "What exactly do you want me to say?"

Jimmy opened his mouth and shut it. "I don't know."

Daisy giggled. 

"Daisy, come on… I need. I'm daft aren't I?"

"Oh, that goes without saying," Daisy laughed. 

Jimmy rolled his eyes. 

"You're better you know, you are. You are getting your life in order and maybe you just need to focus on that. This is where you are right now, you're getting onto the right track. That's gotta be your most important focus, Jimmy. I don't want to see you back to always being drunk and sleeping around with a woman more than half your age." 

Jimmy made a face thinking about Anstruther. "That was about more than sex."

"Yes, grand ambitions."

He shrugged.

"Turned out you really didn't need her. Ivy sent me the video of singing at some bar the other day."

"Ivy did?"

"Yeah, the video had over a million hits on it, Jimmy."

He felt himself blushing and wondered where the lack of smugness was but he was sitting with Daisy with her direct stare and truth. "It was fun -- that was on my nice date. Be playing there Friday, you should come. It's called the Pixie."

"Friday?"

"Yeah, be starting to sing around 10, I think. Come?"

Daisy nodded. "I don't want to miss that."

"Maybe you could…" JImmy started.

"What?"

"You and I could sing together, one of my songs? Rundown maybe?"

"I don't know… Ivy's voice harmonizes with yours better than mine."

"Can't ask Ivy," he muttered.

"Sorry. But I'll think about but it's gonna be recorded, over a million people Jimmy."

He laughed. 

"Rock god is your ambition, the rest of us were just having fun. It's better you're going solo."

It was true and he nodded. "Still, be fun."

"We'll see." 

Jimmy nodded and started spinning his beer mug around. 

"I mean it Jimmy, just focus on that gig, this job. Making some money, getting your own place. Being friends with, what's his name."

"Thomas."

"If you two are great friends, that's the most important part. William was best friend, he really was…that matters." 

"Yeah, I think I get that… Just be easier if I didn't want to fuck him." 

Daisy laughed. "Or marry him."

Jimmy blushed and looked away and wondered why he'd said that but he it was what he felt. But he felt embarrassed and stupid, because she was right they barely knew each other. "It's just… Thomas, when he looks at me I don't feel like a screw up." 

"You aren't," Daisy said. "Not anymore."

Jimmy smiled.

"Proud of you, really," she said. 

"Yeah?"

"Of course." She drank the rest of her iced tea and stood up. She walked to his side of his the table and he stood up and she moved up on her toes and hugged him. "I have to get home, but I will see you Friday." 

He hugged her back easily. "Thanks."

She shrugged and took off. 

Jimmy sat back down, he felt better despite the fact nothing been answered for him not really. He wasn't ready for Thomas that was the bottom line but he wanted too be… But she was right, he needed to focus on himself and for the first time he was in a position to do just that. He picked up the beer in front of him and felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Fishing it out he wasn't at all surprised to see it was a text from Thomas. 

_Jimmy?_

He looked at his name and thought it never been loaded before. He could almost hear Thomas' voice in his ear -- his name dripping with a million questions and a loaded attraction. He knew the main question, though, were they okay and could they go forward as if nothing happened. 

_I’m coming to Betwixt tonight._ He typed and hoped it would tell Thomas everything he needed to know. He watched his phone, waiting for the text back, his breath trapped in his throat. 

_Look forward to it._ Jimmy grinned because he could see Thomas's smile and he was able to breathe again. 

_Going light up that dancefloor._

_I know._

Jimmy leaned back in his chair, suddenly worried, it wasn't flirty enough and he needed that -- not being ready be damned. _Thomas?_

_I'll be awestruck._ Thomas reply was seconds later and Jimmy grinned.


	41. Chapter 41

Thomas walked into his office at 4 am to find Jimmy sitting on his desk, arms behind him leaned back and staring up at the ceiling. His neck was craned and long and Thomas remembered what it felt like against his lips and had to stifle a groan. The last time he'd seen him he had him in his arms, he tasted his skin and knew what was it was hear him moan his name. He felt the urge to stalk across the room, put his body between Jimmy's legs and reach up and kiss him. 

Jimmy leaned forward though and swung off the desk. He seemed to teeter there once he was on his feet, slightly forward and the back. Like he decided not to move. His eyes were gliding over Thomas' body and he looked away from him and clenched his jaw. 

It was there. In the room between them. That kiss. Thomas rationalized to himself it wouldn't be, they could just pretend it hadn't happened and move forward. It needn't be an issue but it was loud between them in the room. Thomas wanted to rush to him and he found his feet pointing him in that direction. Jimmy looked up and their gazes locked and Thomas was right in front of him and Jimmy reached out and his hands fell on Thomas' chest. 

Thomas tried not too but his hands found Jimmy's hips, found the edge of the ratty pair of jeans he was wearing -- that he could get away with -- and put his fingers through the belt loops. Jimmy made a sound and his head was on Thomas' shoulder. Thomas tugged on the belt loops, Jimmy leaned further into him and they stepped back a step. Jimmy ran his hands down Thomas' chest, down his sides and found his hips. Thomas let out a breath and Jimmy looked up and their eyes locked. 

Thomas saw all his want mirrored back and he leaned close, his eyes and mouth narrowed down on Jimmy's lips but he stopped just short of kissing him, some sort of warning bell clanging in his mind. Jimmy made a noise but he leaned backward, only a fraction of an inch but it was just enough. Now they were touching but too far apart.

"I'm sorry," Jimmy said and it was loud in the room. Thomas was sure he heard it bounce off of the walls and he shook his head confused. Jimmy looked away from him and his cheeks reddened and Thomas felt an need to kiss his skin and feel its heat. "You're in a relationship… even if he's first class dick… I shouldn't've…"

"No," Thomas nearly shouted it and his mind spun. Had he really not told him and he realized he hadn't and he felt stupid. "I broke up with him." 

Jimmy eyes widened and his hands went to Thomas's shoulders. He shook him and shook his head. "What when?"

"Days ago…" Thomas laughed. "I think I kept getting interrupted when I tried to tell you." 

"You dumped him?" Jimmy grinned and then he grabbed Thomas hand and looked at his knuckles. "This, you punched him during the break up?"

"After, actually…. We're nothing now," Thomas whispered and realized it bothered him on level but not enough to want to change it. 

"That's brilliant," Jimmy announced and he pressed into Thomas and hugged him. "That's fucking brilliant."

He found himself laughing against Jimmy's neck. Then Jimmy was pushing him away and slapping him on the chest. "Ow." 

"We should've celebrated, found Sybil, drank down some champagne. We should throw a party!" 

Thomas stared at him, shaking his head and trying to suppress the urge to pull him back into his physical space. "It's not worth a party."

"Of course it is… You're free, Thomas. You're free…" Jimmy suddenly seemed to cut himself and he was staring at Thomas, his eyes wide and he stepped forward. He stepped right into Thomas' physical space, which was exactly where Thomas wanted him. "You're free," Jimmy whispered and touched his face staring up and right into him. 

"Jimmy…" he breathed and then he heard a strangled noise and Jimmy stepped backwards from him and shook his head. 

"I'm not, I can't… yet," he stared at Thomas. 

"I know," Thomas whispered and his voice broke. 

"I'm finally figuring it all out…" Jimmy turned around and way from him. 

"You don't have to explain…" Thomas moved closer, unable to keep too much of distance but he hovered just far enough way that he had to reach to put a hand on Jimmy's shoulder. "You've got so much to figure out." 

Jimmy chuckled, head ducked down and nodding. "I know."

Thomas gripped his shoulder, he counted to three in his head and was about to pull his hand away when Jimmy reached up and put his hand over Thomas'. "Thank you," he whispered. 

"For?"

Jimmy twisted around, their hands falling to their sides but they were vergining on too close again. "The kiss."

"Oh."

"It was…" Jimmy's face was flushed and he looked away. 

"It was." Thomas agreed and Jimmy's eyes swung back to look at him. 

"Yeah," Jimmy breathed. 

"I want you." His voice was unbelievably low and he was bending down. He wasn't listening to all things swimming around in his mind that told him to hold back. His lips grazed Jimmy's but a voice was suddenly behind them.

"Boss, we have a fight situation upstai….oh sorry." 

They broke apart and Thomas turned. Emma was standing there looking conflicted about being there. "What?" Thomas asked because he hadn't processed a word she said.

"There is a fight, cat fight, actually, Branson is worse for wear he tried to break it up."

"Right. Of course, I'll be right up." 

Emma nodded and turned, but then she turned back. "Sorry."

"It's no problem," both he and Jimmy said in unison. 

She gave them an odd look but turned to leave.

Thomas took in a sharp breath and forced himself to look at Jimmy. Jimmy was looking back at him adn they had a respectable distance between and Thomas felt it. A bubbling relief that Emma interrupted them and it was reflected back in Jimmy's eyes. 

"Just not yet…" Jimmy said. 

Thomas nodded.

~~~

Thomas woke up early, his eyes blinking open to look right at his trusty alarm o'clock. It was twenty minutes from the time he had set and he thought maybe he should feel pissed off something woke him up but then he heard the reason. He moved onto his back and realized Jimmy was singing out in the living room. Before now he only heard a recording of him and the reality slammed into him. His voice was smooth and rich and Thomas groaned because of course it was perfect and sexy and completely Jimmy.

"How will I survive," he muttered and rolled out of bed. He grabbed the first t-shirt he saw in the closet to toss on. So he wasn't half naked just in his boxers. He felt like he needed the armor if he was going to face Jimmy singing before he had a cup of coffee. 

Jimmy was perched on the back of the couch, his feet on the cushions with his guitar in his arms. He wore a red shirt and gray sweatpants but Thomas still felt like he wasn't covered enough. He could see the muscles of his arms work as he expertly played the guitar, singing a song and Thomas heard how well he knew the words. 

He closed his eyes and stood where he was and just listened to the song. He coudln't place it and found himself wondering if it was one of the songs Jimmy written himself. He walked into the kitchen and saw the coffee pot was full and steaming. He poured himself a glass and made his way into the living room, circling around to st in the chair tht faced the couch. It was only polite to let him know he had an audience. 

Jimmy looked up from his hands on the guitar jsut as Thomas sat down and he stumbled over the words of the song and stopped playing. "Shit."

"Sorry," Thomas laughed.

"You're wearing my shirt… you wouldn't have been as half as distracting if you weren't."

Thomas looked down and realized he was, he had pulled on one of Jimmy's well worn and ratty t-shirts. He shook his head at himself and shrugged. "I'm half asleep."

"Did I wake you?"

"Yes, but that's all right."

"I just… felt like I should practice. Trying to decide what songs of me own to slip into the set. I mean I only will play like five songs for the night but…"

"You'll do fine," Thomas said. 

Jimmy nodded but he grinned at him. "I wish…"

"What?"

"Nevermind," Jimmy started playing again. 

Thomas watched him, his fingers, his forearms and then he startled when he started singing again. His eyes fell closed and listened to the song, realizing he was right and t was Jimmy's own. His eyes opened and Jimmy was lost in the singing of it and Thomas thought he'd forgotten about his presence at all. He stared at him the rest of the way through the song and thought about all the other eyes that would stare at Jimmy tonight. He felt possessive but tried to shift it off his shoulders. 

Jimmy finished the song and looked up frowning. "I don't know…" 

"You're unsure of the song?"

"Yeah."

"Sing it, Jimmy. They'll love it, they'll love you."

"Really?" and he looked so unsure Thomas was shocked. 

"Where is your ego?"

Jimmy laughed. "Don't know… I just… it feels so important to do it well. This is…" 

"Sing that song," Thomas said and he stood up. "I want to see it go viral."

Jimmy smirked and shook his head. "Just been lucky."

"It's not luck."

"Feels like it…" Jimmy put down his guitar. "You wouldn't…" he trailed off. 

"What?"

"No, nevermind."

"Jimmy?" 

"It's not fair."

"What isn't?"

"I just… want you there and that's not fair." 

"You what?" Thomas stared at him. "You want me there?"

Jimmy ran his hands through his hair and looked away. "It's stupid. You have to work, I mean it's Friday night, the club needs you. Forget it."

"You want me there?" Thomas repeated.

Jimmy looked up then and met his eyes, his entire expression shaped into the phrase _duh_. Thomas found himself laughing and wondering why it did surprise him so much but he was sure no one ever wanted him somewhere just for the sake of wanting him there. 

"Oh," he breathed out.

Jimmy laughed. "Be nice to have a friendly face… I mean Daisy said she'd come, I might wheedle her to sing this song with me but…" he trailed off. "It's not fair of me…"

"No."

"You can't come."

"I…." Thomas sighed. There were two VIP parties tonight, Edith was going to be there with her new editor -- and probably more -- Michael Gregson. He had to be on sight, there was nothing he could do about it. 

"It's okay," Jimmy shrugged and walked into the kitchen. "I'm craving eggs, want some?"

Thomas nodded. "I wish I could…" he started.

Jimmy turned and pinned him with a stare. "It's okay, really, please forget it." 

Thomas nodded but he knew he wouldn't, how could he? Jimmy wanted him there for support. He looked down at his coffe and heard the voices in his head reminding him of why he couldn't afford to skip out on his job. It was a strange feeling to not want to listen to that voice.


	42. Chapter 42

Jimmy ducked his head down as he neared the Pixie. He recognized a few of the faces that were hiding behind cameras and phones as he drew closer from Betwixt. It was a rush, realizing they'd followed him here but it was also a bit disconcerting to see that they knew what was going on. He slung his guitar more tightly around him and dove a bit into a crowd. It wasn't helping his nerves, what Daisy said about it going up on Youtube rolled around in his head. He grinned but he felt something settle in his guts and he started going over the set list in his head again. Had he picked the right songs? What the hell was he doing? He never done this before his entire life, not on purpose, not being paid for it -- everything else was spur of the moment decisions usually made when he was drunk or worse. 

He pushed inside and the place was full, with a long line of peope waiting to be seated. The staff seemed to running around and looking overwhelmed. Jimmy felt his cheeks heat as he looked around and realized it was about him. It was all about _him._ He glanced around looking for Bernand or any other friend face and Rex was with his friends at their normal table and waved him over. A bit of relief washed through him but he had dodge people to get there and he started feeling more and more overwhelmed. 

"Never seen this place like this…"

"They look overbooked," Jimmy muttered and was he sweating? He shifted his guitar again and glanced at the stage. He needed to set up, he was beginning to worry about sound with all the talking going on around him. He glanced around and it felt like half the crowd quickly looked away from while the other half blatantly stared. He found himself grinning and he shook his head looking down at his feet. He liked attention but… 

"Look can you watch this?" Jimmy asked taking the guitar off his back and sliding it as close to the table, to Rex as he could get it.

"Sure."

"Thanks…" Jimmy moved his way through the crowd, ignoring people calling him name because he didn't know and it was making his heart pound. He saw Bernard behind the bar and walked over to him. Bernard was on the phone and Jimmy leaned against the bar to wait him out.

"I will pay you double time, yes, yes…" Bernard hung up the phone with a sigh. "You definitely bring in the crowd, Mr. Kent."

"Yeah…" he looked around again and all the staring. His heart pounded, none of them really heard him sing before. Not really. What he did on his date with Rex wasn't anything but him showing off a bit. He swallowed. "There somewhere less crowded I could be at?"

"Oh sure, kid…" Bernard waved him behind the bar and took into the backrooms of the place. The workers running around and shouting about and Jimmy told himself it wasn't his fault the place was getting slammed. He found himself a small and messy office. "Take your time."

Jimmy waited for him to leave, then stepped forward and closed the door. Instantly he had out his phone and called Thomas. Breath held as he waited for him to answer only he didn't… Jimmy frowned as it went to voicemail, and for the first time he listened to Thomas' professional and cool message. As it beeped is opened his mouth but then he hung up. 

"You can do this," he told himself. "You can do this…" he looked around the messy room and clapped his hands nervously. "You can do this…fuck…" he scrambled with his phone again, tapping his foot as it rang through to his voicemail again. 

"Thomas…" he breathed out and couldn't find words. Jimmy realized that be fine if he'd answered his phone but as he hadn't he was just breathing into a phone. 

The door opened and Bernard grinned at him. "You should start setting up."

Jimmy nodded.

"Know what you plan to do?"

"Yeah, yeah… pretty much." He thought it through, he had it all set and he'd felt confident in it. But now his head was swimming with doubts and he walked into a crowd and nearly ever set of us swung to his felt petrified. They weren't here because he was talented, they didn't know that -- and what if they didn't think he was? What if he got on the stage and completely froze up. He never been so nervous about playing in his life. 

_Never played to a pack house of curious strangers_

"Jimmy!" Daisy was waving at him from a place way to far from the stage. Jimmy rushed up to her and pulled her up. "Going to stay hi?"

"I need closer, plus can you help me set up?"

"Sure," she was looking around. "You must be loving this?"

Jimmy laughed but it came out nervous and weird.

She eyed him.

"What if I…" he swallowed.

"You're nervous?" Daisy eyes widened.

"No," he argued. "Not really, I mean no… I got this, I set it up… I think."

"Let's get you set up, you just need to get on the stage. Come on."

Jimmy nodded and he stopped at Rex and his friends table and introduced them to Daisy. He picked up his guitar and it was nice comforting weight in his arms. He just needed to focus on the music and not that maybe he'd bit off way more than he could chew. 

~~~

He was in a foul mood. Nothing seemed to be going right but nothing was going wrong. It was just every expected thing that came up that he had to atttend made Thomas feel like he wanted to crawl out of his skin. His shirt collar was bothering his neck and the dance music was giving him a headache. Everything was crawling up his spin and wiggling down it the wrong way and he'd only been the building two hours. The night was young yet and Thomas rolled his shoulders and trying to roll the irritation out of him but nothing happened. 

He walked up to the closet bar and barked at the woman behind it to give him a shot of their high-end whiskey. She sat it down in front of him and he swallowed it back. It burned his throat but did nothing for his mood. His collar scratched wrong against the back of his neck again and he ran his finger under it, trying to feel why but the truth was it was him that felt wrong. 

Thomas looked at his watch. It was going on 9:30 pm… Jimmy said he was going to start playing around 10 pm. 10 pm was when an influx of club goers would file into Betwixt. 10:30 pm was when the first VIP party of the night would begin. The second being at 11pm… 

He had to work. 

Jimmy wanted him at the Pixie. It kept echoing at him how casually Jimmy thrown it out and how he'd tried to back pedal on it. He knew Thomas couldn't take off work from Betwixt. It was a Friday. Thomas looked around the club and at the crowd that already formed despite the early hour. He frowned at it all and found himself running his hand under his collar again. 

He shouldn't feel guilty. He wasn't letting Jimmy down by not going. Jimmy been grinning when Thomas told him to break a leg. Told him he didn't need the luck. He would be dandy. He was excited and happy. Thomas wanted to go but he couldn't. There would plenty of other times to see Jimmy play. He would see it anyway, wouldn't he. It'd be online. 

"Better in person," he muttered to himself. But he couldn't go, this night was busy and he had VIP parties. Thomas stopped and took a big breath. He looked around the club again and reminded himself of it's worth. This is it, this is your career, your life and your future. This is what you've been working for, nights like this, important clients and a club full of happy customers.

 _It's worked out how you want it and you can't rest of your laurels._

But he could check in on him. His set was starting soon and Thomas could at least check in on him. He went to grab his phone only to find it wasn't in his pocket. He checked all his pockets and frowned. More irritation waved through him and he growled. He wanted to check on Jimmy. It seemed important, it was the least he could do since he wasn't there. 

 

He pushed away the small voice telling him he wanted to be with Jimmy and focused on wanting to check in on him. Which meant he had to find his phone. When had he last had it? He been going over the nightly inventories with one of his bartenders for the VIP backroom on the main floor. He'd used it double check some figures. He rememebered now the bartender was new and irritating as he had to be told everything twice. New hires annoyed Thomas no end and tonight it was doubly worse. He felt like he'd been training him and that wasn't Thomas' job. 

When he got back there he saw his phone just sitting there on the counter. For some reason it irritated him that the bartender hadn't seen it and put it in the lost in found. But relief pushed ahead of the irritation. He could text Jimmy now and that was what was important. 

Thomas frowned as his screen lit up. Two missed calls from Jimmy and one voicemail. Jimmy rarely called him. He bit his lip as his voicemail went through and they he heard him. 

_Thomas…_

Everything shifted in that moment and his focus became something else entirely. Thoma glanced at the time and realized he had no time at all. He shoved his way through the crowd -- he literally shoved people out his way. As he rushed he called Jimmy but it went through to his voicemail. Thomas swore under his breath and hung up. 

"You, Emma," he shouted as he reached his first destination. 

"Yeah."

"You're in charge tonight."

"What?"

"You heard me, starting now." 

He didn't wait for her to answer and seconds later he was in the elevator, by passing his office and going straight for his car. He hopped in and fought a bit with his GPS but the fastest route the Pixie called up. Then he started the car and screeched out of the parking garage. 

~~~

Jimmy walked off the stage and grabbed Daisy by her arm and tugged her closer to the bubble of space the stage had created for him. He felt like his heart was pounded harder everytime he heard someone say his name in the crowd -- and he kept hearing his name. Shouts of it from people trying to get attention, the paparazzi who of course found a way inside and in their conversations. Everyone in the bar was there to see him. Everyone of them was expecting something special and what if his press been misleading. 

"What?" Daisy asked.

"I can't do this," he told her in a panicked whisper. "It's not happening." 

"What?"

"I'm telling you I can't do this… what was I thinking?"

"That you want to be a rockstar," Daisy said. "Jimmy this is your chance for all that big talk."

"Big talk," he snapped at her. "Exactly, I'm all talk, when I sang last time I was drunk and just showing off…"

"Then show off."

"I can't do this…" Jimmy whispered at her again. 

"Jimmy…you can't not do this."

Jimmy shook his head and tried to tune out the crowd. He wasn't good enough for this. Everyone in the crowd was expecting something he wasn't. This wasn't him dancing drugged and high and this wasn't him showing off. He couldn't do this, he wasn't ready for this… Why the hell was he sober. He couldn't do this. 

"Jimmy," Daisy said. "Jimmy?"

He shook his head at her.


	43. Chapter 43

All he heard was his heartbeat, and it felt like it was beating too fast. He was trying to breathe but he felt like it wasn't working. He looked at the stage, his guitar leaned against the stool. He should go up there and play but couldn't move. They expected too much, all the strangers who knew his name. They probably thought they knew something about him but they didn't, they didn't know him all. They might love him but all they've seen was him screwing up. Showing off for a date because he was bored and thinking about someone else. Drunk and drugged on a dance floor because he was running from himself and his mother's death. 

He was a lie and now everyone would know. No he couldn't do this. He felt a hand on his arm and turned to see Daisy and she tugged him and Bernard was there and he started talking but Jimmy couldn't really hear him at all. He kept shaking his head to try to tell him, he kept trying to form a apology for disappointing him.

“Jimmy?”

It was Daisy or maybe it was Bernard, he really couldn’t listen. But he still heard the crowd but it was all a loud buzz. They were expecting someone he wasn’t… that kept rolling and rolling through his head. This was him, all him, he had two of his own songs in the set list — he swallowed. 

“Jimmy?” It was Daisy and he looked up at her and she looked as freaked out as he felt. That made it worse. “You can do this, I’ve seen you do this.”

“To this many people.”

“What is different now from a week ago?” Daisy asked.

Jimmy startled himself with a loud laugh. “Fucking everything.”  
“Jimmy.” 

“Who’re you?” 

“Jimmy…” the voice was closer and Jimmy turned.

“I asked who you are you,” Daisy was between them. 

He stared at Thomas who was ignoring Daisy completely, he barreled past her and up to him. Jimmy reached out and grabbed his arms, leaning into him and searching out his eyes. The minute he did the world shifted back into a focus, the sounds around him weren’t through a bowl and Thomas was solid and real and right in front of him. 

“What is is?” Thomas asked. 

“They’re not here for me.”

Thomas looked toward the crowd and then back to him. “They are.”

“Drunk and drugged me maybe,” Jimmy closed his eyes and stepped in closer to Thomas, head falling down on his shoulder — he always felt so safe there. 

Thomas hand was on his back, traveling up his spine and Jimmy sighed. “Then introduce them to you.” 

“What if…”

Thomas’ hand stopped on the base of his neck, solid and perfect pressure. “Maybe everything they’ve seen as been you as trainwreck but they don’t know that and it’s you they’re drawn too. You’re bright light, such a bright light.” 

“You’re biased.” 

“Maybe…” Thomas shifted and made Jimmy look up at him. “You going to tell me you really don’t want to make that crowd eat out of your hand?”

Jimmy glanced to the crowd. 

“I heard you this morning, you’re good enough and I know you know it.”

Still looking at the crowd they suddenly didn’t see so looming. Jimmy swung his eyes back to Thomas. “You’re staying.”

“Of course.”

Jimmy moved forward and dropped his head back down on his shoulder, and sighed as Thomas pressed his hand against the back of his neck. “I can do this?”

“Mean it.”

“I can do this,” Jimmy breathed it out and stepped backward. He turned and walked on the stage and picked up his guitar. Just like that the crowd’s chatter decreased in noise and his heart was pounding again. But when he turned around to settle on the stool his eyes went right to Thomas. He was standing there, posture ridiculously straight, the collar of his white shirt all out of sorts. He was watching him with wide eyes and Jimmy felt his faith him as their eyes locked. Thomas gave him a subtle nod and Jimmy took in deep breathe. 

He started playing. 

~~~

Four lines into the first song Jimmy visibly relaxed, his entire body went from a tense wire to casual and his eyes moved from Thomas to the rest of the crowd a wide cheeky grin gracing his features. Thomas found himself smiling and his own worries flittered away. The level of the stage fright surprised him but the reason for it, that he understood. He had a public profile but he rarely thought about it but he was peripheral. Jimmy’s attention was all about him and his stunning charisma. Thomas knew it wasn’t the alcohol, or that one night the drugs and it all had little to do with Jimmy running. He found solace in showing off and that was why he was able too even in the midst of hiding from himself that one thing couldn’t be turned off. 

“So, I’m gonna sing something I wrote — called Rundown. It’s um…well I’ll just sing it…” 

Thomas held his breath as the song started. The notes were familiar to him now and Jimmy’s voice was amazing. The words were clearly about grief and falling inside the hole of it — Thomas imagined Jimmy wrote it right after his mother died. 

_Being a dress up doll, turned all around, letting myself be run down…._

Anstruther. Thomas thought for a brief second he should feel guilty for encouraging Jimmy to use her, but it faded quickly. The experience was in the song, stripped down and real. It was something people could relate too, letting the world bring them down. 

_Selling a lie, hiding my face, lost and spinning round letting myself be run down_  
Thomas glanced at the crowd and was unsurprised they were riveted. They were listening closely, more so than when he’d been covering other songs. He had them, he pulled them all right in and it was unsurprising. He went to turn his attention back to Jimmy when the small brunette was in front of him again, arms crossed over her chest. 

“Who are you?” she asked. 

“Who are you?” he counter. 

“Daisy Mason, friend of Jimmy’s.”

“Thomas Barrow, Jimmy’s….” Thomas trailed off not knowing what to follow that up with. 

“Oh, you’re him,” she said and it sounded like an accusation.

“Excuse me?”

“I just…” she made a face but then nodded her head. Thomas watched her confused. “Thank you for taking him in, you know after Alfred decided to be a right arsehole.” 

“Well…um…” Thomas stammered. “It wasn’t really a question.” 

She looked him up and down. “He said you were working.”

“I was.”

“Then why are you here?”

Thomas looked over her head at the stage. He realized Jimmy was singing another song of his — he didn’t know it but it was obviously Jimmy’s. This one was lighter but it was also about hiding, he thought from the lyrics he was catching. 

“Hello?”

Thomas looked at her and then at Jimmy. 

She looked between them and her eyebrows rose up. She looked back at Jimmy and then turned on Thomas and poked him the chest with her finger. “You better be.” 

Thomas blinked at her in confusion as she walked away from him. He shook his head and looked back up at the stage. Jimmy was grinning as he talked about why he was about to play his last song of the set. Realizing it was going to be another cover, Thomas felt disappointed. 

~~~

He bowed a bit and took in the clapping of the crowd when he announced he was finished for the night. He reminded them he’d be back next Friday and tried to ignore his shaky legs. He was amazed he got through his own songs, but he felt Thomas’ eyes on him the whole time and a quick glance over at him was enough to center him. And the truth was once he felt all those eyes on him and all those eyes staying on him he’d felt more and more comfortable. His need to show off what he could do settling him and his love for the music carried him the rest of the way through. 

Stepping off the stage he beelined it to Thomas and he grabbed him by his hand and pulled him as far away from the crowd as was possible. He wanted to be alone with him. They stopped and he turned and found himself just staring at Thomas. Taking in his appearance. The crooked collar of his white button down shirt — his uniform, for his career, that he loved. 

“You’re here?” 

Thomas nodded. “Should’ve just come with you in the first place.”

“But Betwixt.”

“It won’t burn down.”

“Branson left a million fires for you to put out last time.”

“I left Emma in charge this time.”

“Thomas you didn’t….” Jimmy trailed off because it wasn’t true. He wouldn’t have found his way of that fog of stage fright. Not without Thomas showing up and putting the world back to rights. “Thank you.”

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s something,” Jimmy felt guilty. “You’re always saving me.”

“Jimmy…” Thomas ducked his head down and Jimmy found himself enjoying the pink cheeks. 

“How did I…” 

“What?”

“Not know you?” Jimmy laughed feeling nervous and strange. “We… it’s been a month, maybe. But how did I…” 

“I know,” Thomas whispered and his hand found Jimmy’s lower back and minutely pushed Jimmy toward him.

Jimmy swayed forward and stared into gray eyes that were mirroring whatever it was he was feeling. Knowing? Was that a feeling two people could share? Jimmy felt his eyes fall closed as he thought about and he felt Thomas’ forehead knock into his. His eyes opened and he breathed in sharply, he leaned up slightly on his toes and pressed his mouth against Thomas.

It was meant to be a chaste kiss, it was meant to be another thank you, it was meant to say something that Jimmy knew he had no words for — just that feeling, that knowing, that seemed to surround them whenever they were together. It wasn’t meant to be more than a simple kiss. 

But Thomas tasted too good and the press of his lips against Jimmy’s felt too right and he grabbed onto the already messed up collar of Thomas’s shirt and yanked him closer and deepened the kiss. Thomas moaned into his mouth and his hand swept up his spine to the back of his head, pulling Jimmy closer and plunging his tongue into his mouth.

They parted breathing harshly and Jimmy realized the pounding of his heart when he’d been panicking was nothing to match this. Nothing to match whatever it was that happened to him around Thomas. He stared at him and at his wet lips and knew his were probably the same. He sighed out and put his head on Thomas’ shoulder. Trying to catch his breathe and realizing they probably shouldn’t have kissed… 

But words wouldn’t have explained anything, Jimmy thought and he lifted his head and caught Thomas’ eye. Thomas shook his head and let out a long breathe. “I know,” he whispered. 

And he did, Jimmy thought, he always did. 

“We…” Thomas broke them apart but the reluctance was clear, his hand slipping slowing off his back, their fingers brushing as they let go of the other’s hand. He glanced toward the rest of the pub at the crowd and Jimmy could hear them again. He turned and saw many milling around the front of the stage and felt a rush as he realized they were waiting to see him. 

Him.

“Go,” Thomas said.

Jimmy nodded and started to walk away but he turned. 

“It’s your fifteen minutes. _Use it_.”

_He’s looking out for you again._ Jimmy looked between him and the people waiting to talk with him. This was everything he wanted and Thomas was right this shot could be fleeting. He remembered thinking he had them in the palm of his hand on the stage. They saw him walking up to them and Jimmy felt a slow grin form on his face as he realized they were elbowing each other — excited to talk to him. 

But he glanced back at Thomas one more time and he met his smile with one of his own. Jimmy winked at him and Thomas chuckled, waved his hand and repeated his earlier command. “Use it.”


	44. Chapter 44

Sybil fell into a chair in the hospital cafeteria, she’d been up for over forty-eight hours and at the moment she was feeling every second of it. She yawned as her friends waved hello to her. Then Gwen slid her cell in front of Sybil and started a video. Thinking it was going to be something funny of the cat variety Sybil looked down to find herself watching Jimmy talking on a stage. She was confused for a moment, before she remembered a text from him about playing the Pixie on Fridays starting this week. She never managed to send him a congratulations. 

“Um, why am I watching him walk off stage,” she asked Gwen as he left the stage.

“You’ll see.”

She looked down and saw the video blurring as it tried to track Jimmy. When it came back into focus she saw Jimmy and Thomas standing an inch apart and holding hands. Sybil’s eyes widened and she watched them talk, or rather she tracked their body language, the slight movements closer, the staring at the other one, their eyes locking. She wasn’t at all surprised when Jimmy leaned up and kissed Thomas. Yet when Thomas started kissing him back she gasped and her hand flying to her mouth. Then she was transfixed as she watched them kiss for well over a minute before they broke apart and Jimmy slowly made his way toward crowd. 

“He never kissed the Duke like that,” Gwen announced. 

Sybil pushed her friends phone back at her, touching it like it was cursed, her mind was spinning. “I…” she sputtered. 

“I think you broke her, Gwen,” Ethel said. 

She’d caught them days ago, longer? Sybil sighed and realized that was the last time she’d seen either of her roommates. When she walked in on them on them making out on the couch — she’d never seen anything more dirty or sexy in her life. Which weirded her out because it was Thomas — she felt herself blushing and reached for Gwen’s bottle of soda. She downed it and made a face because it’d gone flat. 

“I just…” Sybil frowned. “I don’t believe Thomas let that happen.” 

“Let Jimmy Kent kiss him? Honey, if you don’t know why…”

Sybil glared at Ethel. “That’s not what I meant…that he let Jimmy kiss him in public… Oh, God. Philip’s going to be furious.”

“Why, he dumped him for your sister, Sybil. I say Thomas upgraded nicely.” 

“That’s not…” she sighed. “They never broke up. My sister and Philip are just playing a stupid game where they mess with other peoples lives.” 

“What? It’s a ruse?”

“Gwen, seriously, Philip’s gay.”

“Rags always speculate bi.” Gwen shrugged.

“Well, he’s not and he’s going to be furious. Mary probably will be too now that I think about it. She won’t want Philip in a foul mood,” Sybil sighed and grabbed Gwen’s phone again. 

“If you’re gonna rewatched let us see too,” Ethel said. 

“I’m not going to rewatch it, no way, it’s Thomas.” 

“Then what are you doing?”

“Something is nagging at me…” she saw the timestamp on the video. “Was he there the whole set?” She asked.

“Um, yeah, actually…” Gwen took her phone back and started hitting buttons. “Theory is Kent got stage fright… then enter Thomas Barrow.” 

“What?” 

Gwen pushed her cell back to her.

Sybil frowned when her eyes landed a very shaking looking Jimmy. A small woman with big eyes was in front of him and seemed to be trying to help him but he kept shaking his head. Then out of nowhere Thomas barreled in and within seconds Jimmy was burying his face into Thomas’ shoulder. Sybil felt her heart ache at the sight of it because she’d seen it more than once and every time Jimmy was on an emotional rollercoaster. Thomas hand stroked his spine and Sybil pressed paused because she didn’t need to see anything further, she didn’t want to watch another intimate moment between them. It felt intrusive. She found the timestamp though and frowned. 

“Why do you keep frowning?”

“Because… Thomas should’ve been at Betwixt.”

“I say the Pixie was the place to be last night, no offense to your sister.”

“That’s not my point,” Sybil shook her head and went fishing for her cellphone. She didn’t know why she carried with her, she was forced to have it turned off the whole time she was on duty. But she switched it on and watched her notifications blare to life. 

Tom left her 5 texts from the night before. 

_He took off again, Sybil. Left Emma in charge._

_Trying to help Emma, he’s shown us a few things but we’re over our heads._

_He’s not answering texts or his cell._

_It’s chaos, he’s going to kill us. But he’s the one who left._

_I think I just lost Betwixt a client._

“Earth to Sybil?” Gwen asked.

“He left Betwixt.”

“Obviously.”

Sybil shook her head. “You don’t understand…. I don’t even…” she looked at the time and sighed. It was nine in the morning and she wasn’t free until after one — right now she hated her chosen career. Turning back to her phone she called up Thomas’ contact and wrote a text. 

_You left Betwixt._

She put it front of her and tapped her fingers waiting. After a minute it buzzed and she opened his response.

_Couldn’t be helped. There now._

_Don’t fire Tom!_ she sent out. 

_I got that handled._

_What do you mean it couldn’t be helped?_

_Sybil._

_Don’t Sybil me!_

_He needed me._

_So he did have a panic attack?_

_Yes._

She frowned. 

_Philip is going to be upset._

_Since when do you care about Philip?_

_I don’t, but rubbing his nose in it with your relationship with Jimmy…_

_Jimmy and I aren’t in a relationship._

She rose her eyebrows at her phone. 

“Wanna share, Sybil?”

“No…” she started typing.

_I saw you two on the couch and that kiss at the pub._

_What? What kiss at the pub?_

_How many times did you kiss him at the pub?_

_Fuck. I don’t have time for this._

_And I do.. We’re talking Thomas. When I get off shift I am tracking you down._

_I am forewarned._

“Hmmph.” Sybil slammed her phone down. 

“That looked productive.”

“It wasn’t. It wasn’t at all. I don’t know what the hell is going on. But I’m going to find out.” 

~~~

Thomas looked up from his phone and at the tense faces of Branson and Emma. He wasn’t being nice to them, he knew that but he wasn’t angry at them for messing up the night before. He shouldn’t have left, even if the two of them knew the job better, he should’ve been there. Two VIP parties, with very important clients. He was sure he could woo back the one Tom putting his foot in his mouth had cost them. It wasn’t really about Tom but the lack of his own presence. 

He should have stayed at Betwixt.

He didn’t regret not staying at all. 

Which was what was bothering him and putting him in a bad mood. He sighed. “Do either of you know something about me and Jimmy kissing?” 

Emma’s eyes widened. “It’s very viral.”

“Very viral?”

“There are many angles.”

Thomas sucked in his cheeks and wished he was closer to a wall to butt his head against it. He’d forgotten where they were, who they were — to the public — been caught up in just being there for Jimmy. In Jimmy himself because it was impossible for him not get lost in him. And now there were out there in the public — he could see all the headlines in his head. The tabloids were surely creating a triangle between him, Jimmy and Philip. Sybil was right, Philip was going to be furious but thankfully that was no longer his problem. 

What he didn’t know was what Jimmy would think? The attention could be good for him but was it really the attention Jimmy wanted? He liked to show off, he liked attention but Thomas wasn’t fooled by the smug grin, he never had been and after last night he knew for certain. The music was Jimmy’s real focus, the rockstar dream wasn’t about the attention he would garner. It was about playing his own songs. 

His beautiful songs with his beautiful voice. 

“I have to make a phone call,” he told Emma and Branson. “Go make the calls we were discussing, you both understood what to say.”

They both nodded.

“Then go.”

He watched them leave his office and then leaned on his desk and called Jimmy. He was afraid it was going to go to voicemail when Jimmy answered the phone breathing heavily. 

“Just got back from a run.”

“Do you know?”

“That we’re viral, yeah,” Jimmy laughed. “Ivy sent Daisy the videos.” 

Thomas looked up at the ceiling. “You okay with it?”

“No, yes…” Jimmy sighed. “I rather no one saw me have that panic attack. Period. I don’t even know where that came from except that I didn’t want to screw up.”

“Right.”

“Don’t much mind people knowing you’re a life saver though.”

Thomas felt himself blush. “No one is going to think that.”

“Well, they should…. And I don’t mind kissing you but I do kind mind the audience, but we walked into that, right?”

“Tabloids…”

“Let them tell whatever story they want… I mean it might help me right?”

Thomas grinned. 

“Yeah, you knew that. I hear you grinning.” 

“Sybil thinks we’re in a relationship.”

“Well, last time she saw us we were about too…”

Thomas bit back a groan at the memory of that moment, at how close they were at how hot he was and how much he wanted Jimmy. He bit his lip and reminded himself he was in his office putting out the fires he ignited the night before. 

“I mean.. I don’t mind people thinking we are. You’re a catch.”

Thomas laughed.

“But we should set Sybil straight… you know that we aren’t…”

“Yeah… I did. I will.” 

“I shouldn’t have kissed you last night,” Jimmy breathed out.

“Didn’t mind did I?”

“It’s just… mixed signals.” 

Thomas nodded. “I know it was meant for the moment.”

“How do you…”

“Boss, Mr. Macklin wants to talk to you…. Sorry,” Emma stood half way in and out of his office. 

“Gotta go, huh?” Jimmy said. 

“Don’t want too,” Thomas and the truth of it startled him. 

“Hey, remember the prize. Your own nightclubs.”

“Right…” 

“See you… well not sure when, I gotta leave soon for work.” 

“Soon,” Thomas said and hung up. Emma was watching him but she quickly averted her eyes when he swung his onto her. He shook his head but the only thing he said was ask her what line Mr. Macklin was on.


	45. Chapter 45

Thomas lit the cigarette and leaned back in his office chair. He wasn’t on a break, what he was on was a tiny little breather of room. The doors would happen in twenty minutes — and he had to be on the tonight to make sure none of the mistakes from the prior night snowballed onto tonight. He brought the cigarette to his mouth and watched ash form as he pulled in on it. 

He was in a strange mood. He should be furious with himself he thought — he ran out of the club on a night where not one but two important clients were expecting not only Betwixt’s usual top service but him personally attending to their needs. Branson nearly lost them one of the clients but Thomas found he had no energy to take that out on Branson and his inability to show proper decorum. He’d put his foot in his mouth but Thomas put him in the situation. Truth was Emma might have managed to piss off Mr. Lyman. He was a tetchy fool. Thomas should’ve been there, he’d long ago figured out the right way to play the man. Thomas brought the man around an apology, a lot of ego feeding and the man was willing to give him another chance. 

But it would be easy to waste it, and the other client could’ve been as easily put off as well. And they had complained, they were disappointed Thomas wasn’t dealing with them directly. They wanted the ego stroking from the man in charge — that they were technically in charge of being the clients. Thomas felt bored while he cajoled them into accepting his apology. He felt bored as he fielded one question after the other — the whole day he was bored to death as he dealt with all the details that were overlooked.

Bored. No regrets. An itch to leave and no desire to get on with the night. He should be upstairs already, he thought again and glanced at the clock. Truth was he could wait longer and not be late. But he doesn’t do that, he doesn’t wait until the proper time. No he gets up earlier and he stays later. He bends his head down and every night he’s that much closer to stealing away the clients that matter and being able to start up his own club.

He was getting so close to the goal. He almost had enough money saved up, he had the contacts and he had the ambition. Or did he? He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He wasn’t understanding how he felt, he felt like he was losing his mind in away. 

Jimmy needed him. It was that simple. Jimmy needed him and so he left. It was the right decision. He would make the same decision every time. It was two times. It wasn’t a lot in the scheme of things. It was out of character for him though and everyone was looking at him like maybe he’d grown a tail. But it wasn’t. It wasn’t out of character for him to put someone he cared about first? It wasn’t. He knew it. Strangers, his employees wouldn’t understand. They didn’t know him and he didn’t want to know them. But it wasn’t out of character but what was out of character was that he had zero guilt for the complications his actions created. He didn’t care there been a million things to fix. He fixed them because it was his job but he didn’t care. He didn’t give a fuck about the clients so called bad experiences. He’d nearly told Lyman to fuck off when he was wooing him back. He didn’t give a fuck right now if everything was perfect upstairs, that the bar were stocked, if the DJ was prepared. He didn’t care. 

He was supposed to care. He had a plan. The nightclubs were his dream, his own business, it was everything. It kept him coming in night after night. It made him able to wake up after nearly no sleep and go to boring classes so he would have both the experience and credentials he needed to be respected in the field. He wanted it, he thought. Years and years of hard work and learning things the hard way. Years and years of becoming efficient and smart at his job. Years and years of networking and kissing ass to build up a solid client base of the rich and richer. He earned this position, Edith had sought him out — and he’d realized right then and there what he could — that he could use the position, the money and the experience.  
And he was closing in on the end.

But he was bored. 

He heard the door to his office open behind him and swiveled on the chair, sucking in the last breath of his cigarette. Sybil’s sharp eyes narrowed in on the cigarette. He swiveled back and tapped it out in an ashtray. 

“First one in a week.”

“Your last stretch lasted over a year.”

“Been a lot going on, Sybil.”

“Understatement,” she said and shot the door behind her with her foot. It slammed and Thomas hoped she hadn’t seen him jolt in his seat. She stalked over to him and sat down on the edge of the desk. She met his eyes and raised her eyebrow. 

“What?” 

“What?”

Thomas shrugged.

“I don’t know…hmmm. Where should I start? Oh, I know. You and Jimmy on the couch half naked. I would’ve needed bleach if I’d walked thirty seconds later.” 

Thomas shook his head. “It wouldn’t have gone that far, either way…” 

“Really don’t believe you.”

“We haven’t.”

She stared at him. “Really?”

“No,” Thomas frowned at her. “He’s not ready.”

“He looked plenty ready.”

“He’s not.”

“Okay, so were ever going to tell me you dumped Philip? I’m assuming you did, because otherwise there is no way I’d walk in on you and Jimmy.”

“I tried to tell you. More than once. Kept getting interrupted.”

“Hmmm…” she pointed at him. “So, you and Jimmy?”

“Again. He is not ready.”

“In what way?”

“For fucks sake, Sybil, he just came out. He just got a gig that will jumpstart his career. He just got his head screwed on… well not straight but in the right direction. He supposed to jump into a relationship now? He needs time.” 

“Hmmm…” she pulled out her cell.

Thomas frowned. 

She turned it around and he looked at it and saw them kissing in front of the stage. He swallowed as the ghost of the kiss shivered through him. He licked his lips and averted his eyes up and met Sybil’s smug grin. 

“What?” he sighed.

“That was nothing, you’re going to tell me that was nothing?”

“It was a thank you.”

“A thank you?”

“He got stage fright.”

“Oh, I saw that too… you embracing him and whispering into his ear.”

“It wasn’t a bloody romance novel, Sybil. He was panicking.”

“So, he called you mid panic?”

“He called me before that… but…” Thomas sighed because he didn’t know to explain how he knew from Jimmy breathing his name that he had to be there. Chances were he hadn’t perceived anything but his own damn desire to be there. If anything the fear in Jimmy’s voice was his excuse… 

To walk out on the job, the career he’s been fighting for for years. 

“But what?”

“I could tell he was overwhelmed.”

“Right.”

Thomas regarded her and shook his head. He wasn’t quite sure what had her eyeing him like she was. “What is it?”

“You left work. Twice.” 

“I’m aware.”

“For him.”

“Sybil…”

She raised her hand. “Yes, yes, he’s not ready. But what about you Thomas? Hmmm? Are you not ready?”

“I just broke up with Philip.”

“Because of Jimmy?” she asked.

“You know better than that — because of Philip. I was tired of it, I was tired of knowing I’d be nothing but the hidden…what the hell do you call a male mistress?”

Sybil shrugged. 

“He’s going to marry a woman, he doesn’t — he’s not in love with me, though he thinks he is.” 

“And you aren’t in love with him,” she stated.

“No.”

“Haven’t been for awhile.”

“Is this an I told you so?”

“Hell, yes it is! You haven’t been in love with him for years, Thomas. I never understood why you went back to him — you gave me all sorts of reasons that made sense but I never bought them. Status, being linked to him was good for the job, his own ambition matching yours… your history.” 

“All sound.”

“Yeah, only… your history was a lot of bullshit.” 

Thomas shook his head.

“You never forgave him.”

“No.”

“You were with him for business reasons.”

“Yes.”

“You barely like him.”

“At this point I don’t like him much at all.” 

“SEE. I told you all these things already.”

“Fine, Sybil. Enjoy it.”

“I am.” She smirked. 

Thomas found himself smiling. 

“I’m thrilled…I can’t measure how happy I am you finally dropped that dick.”

Thomas laughed. “Sound like Jimmy.”

“Yeah, well Jimmy pegged him five seconds flat.” 

“Think it took less than that.”

“And you’ve evaded my question.”

“What question?” 

“Jimmy’s not ready but what are you?”

Thomas sighed. 

“I know it was mostly Philip related complications that caused the break up but don’t tell me Jimmy wasn’t a factor.”

“Of course he was a fucking factor,” Thomas snapped.

“So?”

“What?”

“Are you really going to make me say it?”

“It’s not happening, Sybil. He’s not ready, we both know it — you know it. And he’s… he’s my best friend next to you and I don’t want to.... I want to keep it that way — it’s not something I’m very good at, connecting. Hell, that’s half the reason I kept giving Philip chances. Maybe he and I aren’t friends now, weren’t for a long time but we had been and we think alike in a lot ways. Jimmy and I do too and it’s more… real than with Philip. I don’t want to risk it,” 

“I don’t buy it.”

“What?”

“I don’t buy the don’t want to risk the friendship. That’s bullshit.”

“Sybil.”

“Just admit it.”

“What?”

“Thomas? You drop everything for him without a second thought. The moment you met him he became a central piece of your world. The two of you together is… I seriously want to smush your faces together when I’m in a room with the two of you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“It’s not. You…” Sybil sighed. “I get he’s just straightening out his life. I get he was pulled out of the closet — but he’s handled it better than I think most would or even could. He’s stronger than he was when we met him. I think a part of it is because of you. And you — you realized you needed to get away from Philip. You saw he was toxic for you. You finally saw it and we both know it was Jimmy. You two are catalysts for each other and it’s in a way that works. Plus…” she trailed off. 

“What?”

“Damn it, Thomas.”

“What does it matter, Sybil? He’s not ready and I’m not about to rush him.” 

“I’m not saying to rush him. I’m not. Of course not.”

“Then why does this matter?”

“Because I need you to realize it.”

“What?”

“Damn it, Thomas, you’re in love with him.” 

“I KNOW.” He flew to his feet. “Okay, fine. I’m in love with him. I know. I think he knows. But it doesn’t change the fact…”

“He’s not ready.”

“No.” 

“But…” Sybil shook her head.

“What?”

“In the mean time you’re in love with him.”

“And?”

“You’ll just wait?”

“Of course, I’ll wait.” 

“Just like that?”

Thomas scowled at her. “You made me say it and now you’re asking why I’m going to?”

“Oh.”

“Oh,” he mocked. 

“Fine. Does he know?”

“What?”

“That you’re waiting?”

“Maybe…” Thomas trailed off and realized the answer was probably yes but he couldn’t know for sure. 

“I think…” Sybil sighed. 

“What?”

“I think you two belong together but…”

“What?”

“I don’t like the complications.”

“You think I do?”

“No.”

“It’s better this way — I’m not ready either, Sybil.”

“You aren’t?”

“No…” Thomas looked away from her. “It scares me, maybe as much as it scares him.”

“Why?”

“Sybil it’s been barely a month.”

“And…”

“What?”

“I have other issues on my mind.” 

“Like?”

“I don’t feel guilty.”

“About?”

“Skipping out of here, twice. Last night, I shouldn’t have left, it was an important night. I should’ve been here. But I don’t care — and had no fun fixing everything up. Playing the clients into thinking I really care. Nothing.” 

“Huh,” she said an odd expression crossing her face.

“What?”

She looked at her cell phone. “Doors opened twenty minutes ago.”

“I know.” 

“Oh.” She got up and kissed his cheek. “I’m… not sorry.”

Thomas laughed. 

“But I want it clear.”

“What?”

“I’m team Jimmy and Thomas. And Philip was class A dick and a bastard and he never deserved you.” 

“Fine.”

“Also.”

“Yeah.”

“You and Jimmy are idiots… and at some point I’m going to get to say another I told you so.” She leaned forward and kissed him. “I dare you to come home early.”

Thomas shook his head. “Too many fires still… I better get up there.” 

“Really not feeling it?”

“No.”

“I think that’s good.”

“You do?” He felt tension in his shoulders. “I don’t.” 

“Idiot,” she said again with a smirk.

“Tom is working the main bar tonight,” he said while shaking his head that he was given her the information. 

“Really?” her eyes lit up. “Thank you…” and she was gone. 

Thomas sat back down and leaned back in his chair. He started at the ceiling and told himself one more minute before he want upstairs. He felt wary and exhausted. Bored and apathetic. It made no sense he thought — this was supposed to be everything he wanted.


	46. Chapter 46

Jimmy ran an extra mile to try to clear his mind but it wasn’t working. It was Friday again and he knew once he gotten on the stage last week it’d gone well. It’d gone really well if his tips at the Flaming Wombat were any indication — the women and men leaning against the bar, ignoring his co-worker Andy and begging for his attention. It was overwhelming as much as he loved it in a way. Chatting, flirting — he was getting more and more used to flirting with guys and was starting to see a preference. It was one out of ten girls that managed to feel worthy enough of his attention. Men were different, more caught his notice and he laughed at himself for just noticing it now — the only problem was none of the men or women were Thomas. 

He tried not to compare them but he did, eventually he did. Thinking about Thomas he tried to shake away what he wanted to do. He wasn’t going to call him. He be gone by the time Jimmy got back to the flat. He had a class and then straight to Betwixt. But Jimmy wanted him at the Pixie again — he wanted him there more than he had last week. What if he freaked out again? He knew he a gig under his belt. He knew it gone well and he grinned as thought about the attention and if that kept up, that kept up he’d be closer and closer to his dream. 

He was already doing a part of it. His own songs getting known He was adding a third to the list tonight, one he just finished and thought of it sent his nerves off on a chain reaction. He wouldn’t ask Thomas, he couldn’t do that to him again — make him walk out of work. Thomas been a right mood the past week, grumbling and snapping — all of it because as of last night he was still doing damage control from him walking out. Jimmy felt guilty and told himself he could do it without Thomas. He was a grown man, he thought, and he’d done it already. Maybe he’d freak out but he could get himself through it without needing Thomas’s hand to hold. 

He pushed opened the door and grinned when he saw Sybil standing in the kitchen. He tried to remember when he last saw her and it was definitely over a week ago if not — the memory hit him. The last time he saw Sybil he was grinding himself against Thomas on the couch. Instantly he felt hot and his cheeks felt on fire. 

“Hey,” she grinned at him. 

“Hey,” he said and tried to smack away the memory but now he had the feel of Thomas against, his lips against his and he looked away from her for a minute. 

“You okay?”

“Sure… um. Just embarrassed a bit…” _and turned on all over again_.

“For? Oh!” She giggled. 

“It’s not funny.”

“It is a bit,” she laughed. “It’s okay, Jimmy. Thomas is very attractive.” She winked. 

Jimmy rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen himself for a glass of water. “Sorry, I’m all sweaty.”

“Better than vomit, which what I feel like my past week as has been.”

“That’s your own fault, wanting to be a doctor.”

“True… though it has me leaning toward psychiatry this week.”

“Thomas said you wanted to be a brain surgeon?”

“Somedays I lean toward it… what I really want to do is help people recovery from medical trauma, with a bit of focus on neurological trauma.” 

“That’s specific,” Jimmy said.

Something flashed in Sybil’s eyes. “Yes, it is.” 

Jimmy opened his mouth but Sybil turned away from him so he shut it. But his curiosity was peaked there was something going on there. “You have to back to the hospital.”

“No… I thought I’d join you tonight. See you play live instead on my friends iPhones.” 

“Yeah,” Jimmy grinned and a bit of the worry shifted off his shoulders. Sybil wasn’t Thomas but she had faith in him and she really had no need too. “Thanks,” he looked down.

“You okay?”

“Nervous. Again. I don’t…” Jimmy trailed off. “I got through last week, so I mean I know I can. But…”

“What?”

Jimmy sighed.

“Oh.”

“What?” he asked her.

“You want Thomas there?”

Jimmy nodded.

“Did you ask him?”

“What? No? Are you kidding, he was so annoyed with himself about what happened at the club after he left. I couldn’t… I mean that place is his baby right?”

Sybil nodded but again Jimmy thought he saw something in her eyes. “Well, you know if you’d asked him ahead of time, he would have found a way.”

“Yeah… but that’s the other thing.”

“What?”

“Gotta do some things on my own, I mean… feel like I’ve been relying on him since we met.” 

“That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it? He’s always rescuing my ass… and I love it, to be honest. But I gotta stand on my own two feet.”

“Which is exactly what’ve you been doing, Jimmy,” Sybil said. “You got yourself out of the mess. Thomas was just here for it, not doing it.” 

“Yeah,” Jimmy nodded. “It’s selfish though, wanting him there when he has responsibilities.”

Sybil started to open her mouth but her phone went off. She grabbed it quickly, her whole face lighting up and Jimmy started chuckling at her. “Branson?” 

“Shut up,” she scolded but nodded her head. Then her face fell completely. 

“What?”

“He was going to come with us tonight. Support you, have a date… but Thomas called him into work.” 

“Tell Thomas to let him come… he’d do it for you,” Jimmy said.

“I just might,” she muttered as she quickly typed something back to Branson. 

“I’ll help wheedle him if you need it.” Jimmy winked.

“I don’t know, I feel like using you should be a last resort — it’s totally unfair to Thomas,” her phone lit up in her hands. “….wait what?” 

“What?”

“Tom says Thomas isn’t at the club,” Sybil’s brow was furrowed.

“Huh?”

Just then the door to the flat opened and Thomas walked in, wearing a black button shirt and jeans. Jimmy blinked at the sight of him wearing glasses, black rimmed and oddly right on his face. He hadn’t shaved and his hair was a bit of a mess. Jimmy felt his throat go dry because he liked this version of Thomas — a lot and it was rarely seen. 

Thomas stopped short of closing the door and stared at him and Sybil. “What?”

“You’re asking us?” Sybil said.

Thomas rolled his eyes, closed the door and dropped his stuff on his desk. 

“What’re doing home?” Jimmy asked. 

“Thought I might take a few Fridays off here and there… you know.” 

“This is why you called in Tom?” Sybil asked.

“Well, yeah… he and Emma are the only ones I can rely on.”

Sybil sighed. 

“What?”

“They had a date,” Jimmy explained.

“Oh…” Thomas eyes darted between Jimmy and Sybil.

Sybil rolled her eyes. “Don’t even pretend to act like you’re thinking of apologizing. We both know you’re not sorry — besides, I can’t be mad at you for wanting to see Jimmy play.” 

“You very well could be,” Thomas laughed. 

“Fine. But I’m not gonna to be… This time. Since I can’t see him later, going to go see him now.”

“Don’t distract him too much,” Thomas said.

“No promises,” she said and then she was gone. 

Jimmy was staring at Thomas, almost all of his nerves instantly gone just knowing Thomas would be there tonight. He felt giddy and happy but something was nagging at him. Thomas was coming through for him again and he hadn’t even asked him to — he wasn’t going to ask him to. 

“You don’t have too…”

“I want too,” Thomas said. 

“But…”

“Do you not want me there?” Thomas looked utterly insecure in that moment. 

“Of course I want you there, I want you…” Jimmy trailed off with a sigh. “I just…”

“What?”

“Feel guilty… the club.”

“If I went into Betwixt my head would be full of you, wondering about how it’s going and getting pissed off I wasn’t there to watch you — then I’d see you on someone’s phone and just want to be there more.”

“Oh… but.”

Thomas frowned and walked into the kitchen, where Jimmy was still standing. “Jimmy?” he caught his eyes. 

Jimmy got distracted by the glasses again and noticed they’d slipped down Thomas’ nose. He reached forward and bumped them back up his nose with his index finger. “Didn’t know you wore these?”

“Oh.” Thomas took them off and shook his head. “For class I wear them…and paperwork. Forgot I had them on…” he wandered back over to his desk and Jimmy followed him giving into the instinct to be in his orbit. 

“I like them,” Jimmy grinned.

Thomas looked at him and shook his head. 

He touched Thomas’ cheek and felt himself blush. 

Thomas grinned at him, wide and open, and their eyes locked. Jimmy wasn’t sure how long they stood there, hovering closer until Thomas cleared his throat. “You were saying?”

“I was badly trying to say — you don’t have to…I don’t know. Rescue me.”

“I don’t rescue you,” Thomas laughed. 

“Feels like it… but that said, that said. I’m relieved you’re coming. I’m nervous, again. But it’s different, but it’s still nerves… and well, now I know you and Sybil will be there and I feel more grounded.” 

“You’ve nothing to worry about…. If it’s like last week that place is going to be full to capacity again. And how much have you made in tips?”

“More than enough,” Jimmy hedged. 

“And of course there is this…” Thomas shook his head and reached behind him. Jimmy saw a folded up magazine. On the cover of it was Jimmy on the stage, sitting on the stool focused on tuning his guitar. He didn’t recognize the magazine but he grabbed it because the words on it were about his music. 

“This isn’t about us,” he grinned. 

“And here I thought you were enjoying you’re… how did that one rag put it… _Local muscian steals heart of Duke’s paramour…_ ”

“I enjoy anything that’s going to piss off that dick,” Jimmy laughed and he hit Thomas with the magazine. “What is this?”

“It’s a local thing, from the college… it’s good though. They talk about your songs — quite flattering.”

Jimmy started flipping through it. “What page?”

Thomas grabbed it back and easily opened it up to what Jimmy assumed was the right page but he was staring down at it. Jimmy went to grab it back and Thomas seemed to shake himself out of the reverie he’d fallen into. “Sorry…. I, um, the photo is more flattering than the article.”

Jimmy yanked it way from him and looked at the photograph. He was standing on the stage this time, guitar swung onto his back and he was looking off stage and Jimmy knew instantly he was looking at Thomas. He swallowed at the memories of glancing at Thomas throughout the set. The calm it created and the pride when he saw Thomas enjoying his music, his voice and he felt slapped by feelings again.

“Read the review,” Thomas said. 

Jimmy laughed and he walked around the couch to sit and read it. He heard Thomas behind him settling in at his desk. The article was simple, there wasn’t much to it — just his name, where he was singing, and a short review of his last gig and how the writer was pleasantly surprised by his voice and the lyrics of his original songs. He felt himself blushing and had to put the article away from him onto the coffee table. He instantly felt antsy and twitchy along with smug but with that nagging doubt. He looked at the time and realized he couldn’t go on another run, there was no time if he was going to sing a few of the songs through before the left. 

He stood up and caught Thomas looking at him, over the rim of the glasses again, his laptop open but being ignored. “Jimmy?”

“I gotta figure out this anxiety thing…” he grinned though. “But I mean stage fright… lucky thing to have for an aspiring rock god like me self — means I get to be on the stage.”

“It does.”

“I gotta go shower…then practice, that won’t…” Jimmy said.

“Hearing you play won’t distract me from the paper.”

“Great.” 

“I’ll shower and shave after you.”

“Don’t shave,” Jimmy said before he could shut his mouth. 

Thomas stared at him.

“I just… don’t,” Jimmy repeated before spinning on his heel and heading toward the shower.


	47. Chapter 47

It was Thursday which meant Thomas alarm went off later than usual and it also meant he spent more of the day at the flat. Him and Jimmy hanging out a bit, for no real reason other than to hang out. A certain rhythm settled in for the flat mates. Sybil in and out in her odd hours. Thomas generally in and out on them himself except for Thursday’s and Fridays. On Thursday he’d go into Betwixt late — and he kept waiting to feel guilty about it. He’d leave when Jimmy left for his bartending job. Then Friday’s he never went in at all and after a few weeks of it, Emma and Branson were doing the job right and well enough that Thomas felt he needn’t worry. Not that he was — that was another thing he was waiting to feel guilty about. 

So, it was Thursday. He stepped out of his shower, ran a hand over his face, feeling the stubble and stepped up to the sink. He was working later, he told himself, but would it really matter? He was tired, he and Jimmy stayed up way to — well early really the sun was up when he finally yawned enough Jimmy made him go to bed. He’d wanted to stay up talking with him, they were learning more and more about each other. 

He wanted to know everything. He nearly kissed him last night, Thomas remembered as he put down his shaving cream and instead just ran a brush through his hair. Almost kissing was another part of the routine he realized because it happened often. It wasn’t only him. Jimmy almost kissed him plent of times. But they both held off, they held off as well as they could. Maybe at his shows there was a kiss or two over the weeks. But those were emotional charged nights for Jimmy and Thomas found them experiences himself. 

He felt proud of Jimmy every time he saw him on the stage. Proud and envious — he was quite sure he’d never be comfortable that other people were able to glimpse Jimmy’s brightness. But his brightness was his gift and it was tied right into his talent, his charisma. He worried about it because so far Jimmy was laughing off any possessive gestures from Thomas. But Thomas wasn’t so sure it was a laughing matter. Especially given he had no right or claim to Jimmy Kent. 

It was getting worse really…. The attraction but all their reasons for holding off were still loud and clear. Jimmy was figuring things out, Jimmy was enjoying his current success as a popular local act. He was getting more and more press. There were still always new faces at the Pixie. And Jimmy’s tips from his bartending gig were impressive. He was always talking about this man or that woman. Thomas would listen and feel proud and envy them all the time they got with Jimmy. Which was ridiculous but he felt like he never saw him enough. But Jimmy wanted to focus on his music, and Jimmy was focused on working as much as he could to save up money. To probably move out — which Thomas tried not to think about. 

And it wasn’t just Jimmy. Thomas felt out of sorts and found himself more and more bored at the club. It was getting dangerous he thought, he had to get past this malaise. He thought maybe more time off might help but it’d been a few weeks yet and the time off, because he was enjoying the time off. He wasn’t always with Jimmy when he wasn’t at the club. He liked hearing himself think about things that wasn’t about saving money, wasn’t about keeping this and that person happy, that wasn’t about inventories for wine and booze. If he was honest, Thursday’s were the only the day he was finding himself heading in late. Tuesday for example he’d started reading one of the books Jimmy’s mother given him and gotten lost in the poems and was an hour late to work. 

He frowned at his reflection and shook his head. He had to figure out this out, get through it, he was falling behind on things he should be on top off. Cross the Ts and dot the Is. It was important, it was his future, the one he’s been going after for almost ten years now that he thinks about it. Sure the plan been made one night with Philip, though Philip thought he could just hand Thomas the money to make it happen. Thomas let out a sigh of relief that he refused Philip’s money. That was the one that mattered most to him at the time and still does now. He made his money, he earned his money. He earned his place and he would earn his place as an owner. He earned every damn penny and worked hard at it. Hard enough to afford to give himself an education, to give himself more knowledge and more power. 

He made the money. An old anger rushed through him as he stepped into his bedroom and his eyes landed on his collection of watches. He frowned and went over and picked up the oldest watch of the bunch. The one watch he hadn’t bought from a pawn shop or been given as a gift — Edward… the thought of him softened his anger but completey. He put the watch back down though and glared at it. And wondered not for the first time why he kept the bloody thing. 

But he did know, didn’t he? 

“Making the money, making the connections, almost done with the degree… This is it,” he told himself looking in another mirror. “It’s the time to really start rolling the plan into action. Instead you’re what? What? Apathetic? Gotta snap out of it.” 

He thought as he made his way to the kitchen, the lack of music telling him Jimmy was still out on his morning run. He opened the refrigerator and grabbed the ever present bowl of strawberries. He grinned and checked the time and saw JImmy should be shooting through the door any second. He grinned a bit because it was always a thrill to see him — he wondered if that would ever stop. Maybe they gave in and as Sybil had started screeching at them if she was in the room:

BLOODY KISS. 

He laughed at that, Sybil was never one to shy away and she wasn’t happy with them at all. She kept telling both of them they were stupid and they should just do it already. The other night she’d threatened to lock them in Thomas’ room. He shook his head and reminded himself that Jimmy wasn’t ready, and maybe he was but he was distracted. He was distracted by the fact when it came down it he’d use any excuse not to into the club. At first he’d thought it could only be Jimmy who could drag him away but he knew that wasn’t true now — not after the book. 

Not when he spent the whole shower and after the shower trying to remember why had had to go in because he was thinking about skipping out. He was thinking about having a night to himself in the flat. No one else around and just him, relax to some music, read more of the book. Just breathe. 

Breathe. 

He started the coffee maker, then sat down and started munching on the strawberries while he waited for it. He glanced at where Jimmy left his guitar on the couch. He was working on a song, it’d been frustrating him no end last night and Jimmy been ranting at Thomas about it and Thomas found himself fascinated with how Jimmy’s brain worked and how he went about writing his songs. The guitar, pen and paper and poems. He’d bought himself a new book, randomly chosen and said was inspiring. Thomas thought he was if he was honest. He couldn’t create like that not like Jimmy. 

A knock on the door startled him and he put down the bowl. He looked at the time and as he reached the door he yelled out. “Forget your keys.” But when he opened it up it wasn’t Jimmy’s face he saw. Instead it was tall man with a face he thought looked vaguely familiar but he couldn’t place it. 

“Who are you?” he said rather rudely. 

“Jack. Jack Courtenay. Are you Thomas Barrow, I believe you knew my brother?”

~~~

Jimmy knew he had to get used to being recognized but he was down right pissed at the moment. They were all over his route, he’d never seen them before yet they must have been around. Because every time he turned a corner he saw more paparazzi standing around waiting for him to run by. Cameras flashing. He told himself to just go with it, to ignore them, they weren’t shouting at him as he ran. He guessed that was a blessing. But running was his time to zone out, to not think, to just relax and he couldn’t do it with people stalking him.

So he changed his route but it was too late to change it completely, so he kept having to go onto streets where they’d be waiting for him as he looped his way around the block. He frowned and bent his head down, he refused to go in early because of them. He hoped like hell there was a way to get them to back off but he’d have to talk to Thomas about that. 

He sighed and looked at his watch. He run a good ten minutes extra, out of irritation and because of the route changes. He moved back onto his usual route and frowned when he didn’t see anyone. It felt off putting, he couldn’t enjoy it, something about it was nagging at him. And he knew what when he got into the parking lot and they were all sitting around just waiting for him to go home. He ran his hand through his hair and slowed down like he always did, carefully and stretching. 

It was when he started to head for the door he got the first question. “Are you and Thomas Barrow in a relationship?” 

“No,” he snapped and kept walking.

“You live with him…”

 _Don’t answer._ Jimmy told himself and he kept walking. But a woman appeared in front of the doors and she held out her damn phone and he could see she had recording app on. 

“Philip Dewel has made claims you stole Thomas Barrow from him, while they were mutually taking a break.” 

“He what?”

“Is it true?”

“No,” Jimmy snapped again. 

“You expect to us to believe you just live with him?”

“I do, just live with him,” Jimmy said and tried to get around her but she was in his face. 

“The two of you have been seen kissing more than once.”

Jimmy frowned and remembered last Friday the adrenaline been coursing through him and he kissed Thomas when he jumped off the stage. It’d been brief — too brief— and he could almost still feel the spark of energy he’d felt at the time. But they weren’t together and frankly part of why was in his face — he wasn’t used to this, he wasn’t sure he even liked it. Apart from the attention, he told himself. Apart from how he can use it… 

_Use it._ Thomas’ voice was in his head. 

“Do you have anything to say about it?” she said. “The kissing.”

“Singing gets me excited, never know what might happen at one of my shows — playing tomorrow same time as usual the Pixie. Revealing another new song… and that’s all I got to say,” he pushed past her and this time she left him. 

Jimmy breathed in a sigh of relieve and hurried into the elevator. No one followed him inside, so at least they had some sense of boundaries he thought. He hoped Thomas knew how to get them off his run route. He needed that time to himself, he found if he skipped a run he was cranky the whole rest of the day. It was his time to breathe. Everyone needed time to breathe. 

Stepping out of the elevator he headed toward the flat, pulling out his keys but he frowned when he got the door. A clock was sitting on the floor by the door and there was note on it. He bent down and looked at the slanted cursive of the note. 

_Heard you have company. It’s been making that clunking noise again, Thomas. Let me know if you can fix it, please. Elsie._

“Fix it?” Jimmy bent down and picked up the clock. He turned it this way and that. It was old, fancy looking, with ornate design and roman numerals. “Fix it?” he repeated it again. “What?”

Then suddenly the door the apartment flung open and a man stepped out. Jimmy stared at him and the man stared at him. “Uh… you live here?” the man finally said.

“Who are you?”

“Uh… look, I didn’t meant to upset him. Tell him I’m sorry, I just… well tell him, I’m sorry…” and he ran off down the hall.

Jimmy stared after him blinking in confusion. But then he heard a sob. A loud, anguished sob and the sound of it slapped him because it was Thomas. It was Thomas and it was pure pain and he felt his eyes sting at just the sound of it. He rushed inside, dropping the clock on closest surface and hurried over to Thomas. He was on the couch, his head in his hands and he was sobbing. 

“Hey, hey…” Jimmy moved in front of him, putting himself on the floor, his hands on Thomas’ knees. “Hey, hey,” he grabbed moved forward and Thomas looked up, his face streaked with tears and his eyes holding pain that Jimmy felt punched by. Jimmy reached out as Thomas fell forward, his face crashing against Jimmy’s shoulder, his hands clutching onto him and he started crying even harder than before — so Jimmy tightened his hold and just hung on.


	48. Chapter 48

Thomas was shaking his arms. Flat out crying, sucking in sudden breaths of air and clinging to him. Jimmy moved his hands onto Thomas face and tried to get to him to look at him as he fought confusion, anger and worry. The worry was paramount, his thumbs got wet with tears as he finally looked into Thomas usually sharp gray eyes and saw nothing but clouds. Thomas shook his head and bent back down into Jimmy’s neck, he ran his hand over Thomas head, over and over. 

“What happened?” he finally whispered realizing Thomas wasn’t about to run out of tears. Whatever it was had him shaken in way that was knocking Jimmy sideways. 

“It’s…” Thomas voice broke and he moved back to look at Jimmy. He looked half crazed and fresh tears fell. “It’s…” he reached out with hand blindly and Jimmy followed it. He saw Thomas hand just missing a piece of paper. 

Jimmy picked it up. “This?”

Thomas nodded and tightened his grip on Jimmy again, face in his neck and shuddering breaths against his skin. Jimmy wrapped an arm around him and got the pieces of paper straight in his free hand. 

It was neat blocked writing, it looked impersonal on the surface, but Jimmy expected it wasn’t — how could it be. He started reading it and his brow furrowed. 

_I’m having a nurse write this for me, but know that while it’s not my writing it is my words. Thomas, my beloved. I can’t stand I will never see your face again — I can’t stand the thought I will never see again but not seeing your face is more than I can bear._

_My parents have succeeded gaining control over my life. I know you know this but I can’t live with what they are doing. My life, my sight, my writing and you all stolen away and I have no control._

_There are things I need to say, that you need to know. I loved you from the moment I saw you. I love you more this very day. Every poem I’ve written since the second we met is about you in some way, some form, and I’m leaving them all to you. I should have let you read them — now I’ll never see your face when you do._

_I want you to be happy. Don’t follow the plan, Thomas, don’t follow that cold, devoid of emotion plan you cooked up with Philip. Never return to him either — I understand your past. But I want you happy Thomas… you need brightness and life in your life. I am and probably always been too dark for you — my moods, how lost I get in the vastness of them._

_You know your real dream, and don’t hide from it because of him, don’t let him ruin your life more than he did all those years ago when you were young. Follow your heart and not your head._

_Yours Always. Edward._

 

“Fuck…” Jimmy swore and dropped the pages, feeling burned by them and he grabbed back onto Thomas harder and pulled him into them. Thomas toppled off the couch, Jimmy falling back as he pulled more of Thomas’s weight on him but it didn’t matter. They were on the floor, Thomas burying himself into Jimmy. Jimmy wrapped around as tightly as he could his confusion gone, his worry soaring and his anger raging. He wanted to find the man who walked in here and torn Thomas apart and rip him piece to piece. Fucking arsehole had run after seeing the damage he created.  
A phone ringing became an irritant in the background. Thomas was still crying but he wasn’t shuddering as hard against Jimmy. But he was clinging tightly and Jimmy knew he wouldn’t have it any other way. But the phone kept ringing. Pausing only for moments before it would start up again. Jimmy sighed, frustrated and started to slowly extricate himself.

“Don’t…”

“I’m not, I’m not, I promise… just let me turn that off.” 

“What?” Thomas looked at him confused and Jimmy felt his fingers trail through tears. 

“Not going far,” Jimmy whispered and grabbed hold of Thomas hand. It was Thomas phone which was on the couch cushions. He grabbed it just as the ringing stopped again. His intent was it switch it off but he saw both the time and Branson’s name on the face of it and realized he couldn’t. He pressed the button to call Branson back. 

“Mr. Barrow?”

“No. He’s not coming in.”

“What? Who is this?”

“It’s Jimmy, he’s not coming in.” 

“Why?”

“None of your fucking business. Just run the place right will ya?” Jimmy hung up. He then dialed his own place of work and prayed Andy picked up. 

“Flaming Skunk, this is Andy.”

“It’s Jimmy, look I need you to cover my shift.” 

“I’m just finishing up mine?”

“I know, I know but I can’t come in, I just can’t.”

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s… personal. Just cover for me will ya?”

“You owe me.”

“I do, thanks,” he hung up and quickly dialed another number. It went to Sybil’s voicemail of course she was at the hospital but he had to tell her. If she could get home, she had to get home. 

“It’s Jimmy. Look something happened and Thomas got this letter from Edward. It’s hard to explain but get here, okay?” He hung up and turned the phone off and chucked it behind him. 

“Didn’t have to do that,” Thomas said his voice rough from the tears into his neck. 

“Yes, I did,” Jimmy argued and moved back to look at his face and felt like he might drown in a pain and sadness. 

“I love him,” Thomas voice broke. “It never goes away, not even now when I…” he stared at Jimmy and his hand landed on his face.  
“It’s okay,” Jimmy said and it felt stupid but Thomas chuckled briefly before it became a sob and hugged him again. His hand went to his head, his nose into Thomas’ hair, cradling him and feeling utterly lost on what else to do. But that didn’t matter, nothing matter but keeping Thomas grounded if he could and letting him ride it out. Jimmy understood that, maybe he didn’t understand losing a lover, but he knew loss and how devastating it could be to a person. He closed his eyes and squeezed Thomas tight and hoped he knew that he wouldn’t be letting go. 

Jimmy didn’t notice time, all he really noticed was Thomas’ sobs and his breathing. Over time the sobs quieted down but it took the tears longer and then slowly his breathing slowed down. The pain and grief won and Thomas fell asleep. Jimmy carefully moved him to the couch and his eyes fluttered open for a brief second and just stared at Jimmy and Jimmy smiled just as they slid closed again. 

Jimmy moved away from him, carefully, slowly, reluctantly. He sighed as he sat on the edge of the couch and stared at Thomas slumped, eyes puffy even closed and tear streaked face. Anger flew up inside of him and he wanted to find that Jack Courtenay and punch him in his face. He turned and found the letter on the floor and he picked it up and looked at it. He reread it and it felt sadder and more horrible than the first time. He wanted to know more, he wanted to understand this better but he would have to wait. 

He folded it up carefully and put it in the box. His eyes fell on the books, journals they looked like and he realized those must be Edward’s. His poems, his diaries? He saw another letter with Sybil’s name on it in the same block letters of some unknown nurse. He frowned and picked it up. He would have to give it to her, he realized. How would he do that? Could he? He looked at Thomas and sighed. Sybil loved Edward too. 

As if on cue the door flew open and she was there, in her blue scrubs and a messy bun and looking scared out of her mind. Her eyes flew from him to Thomas and Jimmy rose a finger to his lips to keep her quiet. She closed the door silently behind her and walked over to the couch and kneeled down. Jimmy watched her stare down at Thomas, then brush hair off of his forward, rise up and grab the blanket Jimmy used and she let it fall over him. She turned to him then and walked down the hall. 

Jimmy had her letter in his hand and he followed her with a sigh. He felt out of depth but it wasn’t like he had a choice here. He walked into her room where she was sitting on the bed and she looked at him, her entire face saying _please explain._

“I wasn’t here. I wasn’t back yet… I was late. Maybe if I hadn’t been late this wouldn’t have been…” he shook his head. “No, it would’ve been. Apparently, Jack — Edward’s brother he showed up here with some stuff.”

“Stuff?” 

“Meant for Thomas, some of it for you. From Edward.” 

“From…” Sybil stared at him.

“Um, yeah…” he held out the letter. “I… Thomas’ broke him.” 

She grabbed the envelope and stared at it. “Not his writing, but then it couldn’t be…” she put on the bed next to her. “What did Thomas’ say?”

“A lot,” Jimmy said. 

“Was it… goodbye?”

“It was, yeah.” 

Sybil wiped at her eyes. “Thomas?”

“He’s… wrecked.”

“He loved him so much.”

“He loves him now,” Jimmy said.

Sybil nodded. “I’m, I’m going to open this.” 

Jimmy watched her pick up her letter. “Okay, I’ll be in be with him, if you need…”

Sybil nodded. 

Jimmy walked out of the room and back into the living room. He picked up his own notebook, spiral and cheap, unlike the leather bound books in the box. He flipped to where he left off on the newest song but frowned at it. It was too light and airy for his mood now. He settled with his back against the couch, Thomas’ head right behind him and flipped to a blank page. He started writing words… just words, a grouping or two, no sentences just thoughts. As he wrote he listened to Thomas breathing behind him and could tell he was having an uneasy sleep. It made his eyes sting because there was nothing he could do about it. 

Sybil walked out of her room and into the living room. Jimmy started to move but she motioned for him to stay where he was. She sat down on the other side of the coffee table on the floor and pulled the box toward her and down on the floor. She reached into it and he heard her moving things around. She was looking for something specific he realized. Then she pulled out of the box a picture frame. Tears fell down her cheeks and she stared at it for a long time. She looked up and caught him watching, so she turned it around and set it up on the table. 

It was a picture of her, in blue scrubs and a messy bun — only in the picture she was beaming. Smiling. Next to her was Edward, in pink scrubs and messy hair and a smile to match Sybil’s. He smiled at the sight and realized for the first time how Sybil met Edward — but it only served to make him more curious rather than less. 

“He didn’t want to be a doctor,” Sybil said softly. “He wanted to be a poet.” 

“Was he good?”

“I don’t know. He never shared any thing….” She wiped at her eyes. “In my letter he told me to have Thomas show me my poem. He said, Thomas would know which one…” she looked at the box. “Might have to wait awhile. I can’t see Thomas reading those anytime soon.” 

“Yeah,” Jimmy nodded. 

“It’s good you were home.” 

Jimmy shrugged.

“You kept his pieces together… I thought, I thought I was going to find him how I did when Edward died. But instead he’s sleeping, soundly.”

“Not really…” Jimmy argued, Thomas uneven breath loud to his ears. 

“Looks it… though it’s not peaceful.”

“No, it’s not.” Jimmy sighed. “I want to punch that Courtenay guy. He just ran when Thomas started crying.” 

“Edward always said Jack was a prick,” Sybil shook her head. “But he showed up with all this stuff. We were supposed to have years ago. I wonder what happened. Maybe we should thank him?” 

“You can. I won’t,” Jimmy snapped. 

Sybil smiled at him and it surprised him. She grabbed the picture of her Edward and stood up. “I’m going to go take a bath.”

“I’ll be right here,” Jimmy said leaning back enough he could glance on Thomas, needing to see his face.


	49. Chapter 49

Thomas woke up smelling Jimmy and thinking about Edward. It was an odd sensation and he burrowed into the pillow below him, inhaling the scent to chase away the nagging feeling he didn’t want to remember something. And with the thought it all came flooding back and his throat felt tight and his heart uncomfortably lurched as he thought of Edward. His eyes flew open and he realized he was on the couch, on his stomach drooling into Jimmy’s pillow. His eyes hurt and his throat felt raw and he remembered sobbing and he thought he hadn’t cried that hard when Edward die, he hadn’t cried nearly as hard had he? 

But he refused to talk about him, he refused to think about him for more than a second here and there. He kept Edward as far from his thoughts as he could for someone that was always there. His name made his heart hurt and yesterday it’d felt like he lost him all over again. He moved on his back and stared at the ceiling, noticing the shadows on it and realizing it was late. It was dark and he wondered how long he’d been sleeping. Suddenly the memories of abstract and fuzzy dreams about Edward rattling in his head. Fiction mixed with memories. He sat up and was about to swing his feet to the floor when he realized Jimmy was in the way.

He was slumped against the couch on the floor, his knees up and a notebook in his lap. Still in his running clothes and his hair was a mess. The fond smile that hit his face couldn’t be stopped and he felt of rush relief that he’d been there. His strong arms and his voice in Thomas’s ear somehow grounding him and keeping him from completely falling apart. He carefully sat up, his feet on the floor and his hands went to Jimmy’s shoulder. He woke up instantly and looked at Thomas, concern etched across his features. Thomas shook his head at him because he had no answer. Jimmy gave him a smile and somehow it made Thomas feel better. He moved up and he was on the couch next to Thomas and wrapped his arm around his shoulders. Thomas eyes closed and he let Jimmy pull him into him. 

Thomas inhaled and the same bright smell of the pillow was right next to him, wrapped around him. His eyes slipped closed fora moment, emotion shutting them and he felt his throat constrict. He turned so he could see Jimmy’s face and he reached up and touched his cheek. “Don’t die,” he asked as the fear slammed into him. 

“No plans to until I’m 110,” Jimmy quipped. “Stuck with me.” 

“Good,” Thomas leaned forward and wrapped his arms around him. 

Jimmy arms tightened around him like a vise. Solid heavy weight and Thomas fell into him. His heart pounding again, tears threatening and he inhaled sharply. “I need to talk about him.” 

“Okay.” 

Thomas ran his hand through Jimmy’s hair and down his spine. “I don’t know how.”

“I’m not in a rush,” Jimmy chuckled and his hand pressed against the base of Thomas’ neck and reached up to stroke the hair at the nape of his neck and he pressed his lips to Thomas’ shoulder. “I like it here.”

Thomas smiled and ran his hand back up Jimmy’s back. “I just, spent so long not talking about him.”

“I know.” 

“But he was always there.. Always.”

“You love him. Mum’s always here with me too.” 

“I do…” Thomas voice broke. “I love him.” 

Jimmy hummed. “Why?”

“Why?”

“Something to tell me about him.” 

Thomas laughed but something kept him silent. 

“I wanna know,” Jimmy pulled back to look at him, running his hand through Thomas’ hair. “I do.”

Thomas stared into his eyes. “He was smart, scary smart. He knew words I’d never heard and he talk about things that you’d never think about but sense. I think those were the things he wrote about… maybe.” 

“Now you’ll know.” 

“Will I?” Thomas glanced in the direction of the box. 

“It’s there for when you’re ready.” 

Thomas shook his head. 

“Keep talking about him.”

“He was sad, and I… liked I could make him smile and I thought...he said I made him braver. He was going to stand up to his parents. He was going to quit medical school…” Thomas trailed off. “He was trying to get me to quit Betwixt too but it was just starting. He could keep me home but I wasn’t going to quit. It wasn’t the same thing as him and medical school. But he told me he was listening to me, so I should. It was one of the last things he told me.” 

“One?”

Thomas laughed. “He told me I deserved bright things.” 

“Like in the letter?”

“Yeah,” Thomas moved forward and touched his forehead to Jimmy and stared into his eyes. “You’re bright.” 

Jimmy blushed and ducked his head. 

“Doubt he met another man but…” Thomas shook his head. “I forgot he said that, he said it a lot… he said it in that letter.”

“He loved you.”

“He killed himself.” 

“Because he was blind?”

“Partly, his parents wouldn’t let me see him by then… he had black moods, he would hurt himself. So many things seemed to happen at once. I couldn’t reach him or help him. We fought, actually, this awful fight of me trying to save him and him screaming I couldn’t… Guess he won,” Thomas sobbed. 

“You don’t meant that.”

“I don’t.” 

“I was going to be there, through it all, Jimmy. Always.” 

“I know,” Jimmy grinned at him. “You don’t back down.” 

“I loved him and it was hard. His parents, they meant well I think but they interfered, they thought they knew best and they got someone to agree with them and he was declared unfit. They took over his life and they shut me and Sybil out.” He sniffed and realized he was crying and Jimmy pulled him into him, hugging tightly. 

“Go on…” he quietly prompted, fingers toying with Thomas hair. 

Thomas closed his eyes to the sensations that were Jimmy. Steady rise and fall of his chest, the smell of his neck, his fingers in Thomas’ hair. It was all so safe and solid. It was even ground for him to stand on. 

“He ran away.” 

“From his parents?”

“Yeah… he took his father’s car and started driving. He was going away from London, I don’t know what was going on his head. He left messages, we kept missing each other. His parents called me screaming and blaming me.” 

“What happened?”

“There was a car crash. They say it was his fault and it probably was. And his head got knocked around. He woke up blind.” 

“It was too much,” Jimmy whispered. 

“It was… but I knew that. I knew that but seeing it… in those ugly block letters. He had beautiful handwriting. I know, I know, he meant it to be solace, that goodbye.” Thomas laughed but all heard was sadness. 

“Maybe it will.” 

“Maybe,” Thomas pulled away and looked at the table, at the box. “Where is it?”

“You want to see it?”

Thomas nodded. 

Jimmy pulled it out of his pocket. It looked carefully folded and protected. “I thought it was safest with me, I hope…”

“Thank you,” Thomas whispered cutting him off. He took it from him. He stared at it. “This nurse, I wonder if she realized what she was writing?” 

“Does it matter?”

“Guess not… just… wish his life hadn’t ended like that. He might have said he was dark but he was brilliant, really.” 

“Have to be,” Jimmy said. “He kept your eyes on him.”

He started to unfold it but stopped.

“Want to be alone…”  
“No,” Thomas grabbed Jimmy by his hand. “Don’t you dare leave.” 

Jimmy squeezed his hand and nodded. 

Thomas inhaled sharply. “I feel like I didn’t really read it before. Does that make sense?”

“I think so.”

“I should have listened to his brother more…” Thomas shook his head. “But he handed me the letter and I just tore into it. He was saying Edward was here with me again. That’s how it felt. I don’t know. I tore it open and it hurt far too much.”

“You don’t have to read it again… not yet,” Jimmy told him.

“I know. But you’re here,” Thomas met his eyes. “I’m safe.” 

“Don’t know about that,” Jimmy shook his head.

“No, I’m safe.” He squeezed Jimmy’s hand again and they shifted on the couch again, Jimmy’s arm wrapped around his shoulder. Thomas moved into him as close as he could get, his head on his shoulder. He let go of his hand to unfold the letter, the pages crinkling in his hands and he started reading it. Each word hurt, it all hurt, he hurt because Edward had hurt. More than could be healed and he wished he’d been given the chance to try to anyway. He read the advice, more than once, it all hitting him harder than he expected. Recent events wrapping around his past with Edward. 

“He’s my first love,” Thomas said as he started to fold the letter up. He leaned forward, Jimmy moving with him, hand falling onto his back, pressing between his shoulder blades. His entire presence, solid and real and Thomas kept realizing how much he needed it. He needed him. He needed Jimmy. Right now that terrified him because they were talking about someone he’d needed who left him. 

He picked up the box and leaned back with it on his lap. He dropped the letter inside and stared at the journals. All leather bound and tied shut with leather string. “He wrote all the time.” 

“You’ve told me.”

“I’d watch him and wonder if he was writing about me.”

“Now you know.”

“I already did.”

Jimmy ran his fingers in through his hair. 

Thomas reached in and moved the journals around, until he saw what he was looking for. A pale blue one. He pulled it out of the box and put on the couch next to him. He put the box back on the coffee table and then turned to the book. He picked it up and turned it around in his hands. It was soft to the touch and heavier than he’d expected. He swallowed nervously as he untied the string keeping it shut. He watched it spring free and he held the book. He felt himself shaking and Jimmy must’ve too because his arms were tighter around him. 

“You don’t have too…” Jimmy whispered in his ear. 

“I’m not planning too,” Thomas revealed. “You are.”

“What?”

“You’re the poetry reader and songwriter here,” he said and held the book out to him. “I trust you.” 

Jimmy nodded and took it. “Why this one?”

“It’s the one I remember watching him writing in the most. He would sit in that chair.” Thomas pointed the chair by the window, where Jimmy’s guitar was perched at the moment. “He sit there and write. I’d watch him and realize hours had past by without notice.” 

Jimmy leaned forward until he was on the edge of his seat. Thomas moved behind him. Watching over his shoulder as he held the book in his hands. He watched Jimmy test its weight the same way he had and then he flipped open the pages. Thomas closed his eyes and put his had on his shoulder. He heard pages moving, flipping and then Jimmy whispered… “There we go.” 

“What?”

“Do you want me read it aloud?”

“No.”

“It’s about you. About your eyes, really.”

“Oh.”

“You’re right he has beautiful handwriting. I can’t even read mine.” 

Thomas chuckled. 

“He’s good.” 

“Is he?”

“You’re right. He was brilliant,” Jimmy breathed and Thomas heard pages flipping. “He’s really good.” 

“You'll read them then,” Thomas said. 

“All of them?” Jimmy closed the book and turned toward him. 

“Please?”

“Why?”

“I trust you. With them. With him. Me.” Thomas shook his head. “Does it make sense?” 

“Yeah, it does.”

“I can’t yet… maybe not ever. But…” Thomas felt tears sting and he swallowed, trying to slow them but the fall down his cheeks. “His stuff should be read and you’ll… you’ll appreciate it.” 

“Well, I appreciate the subject matter,” Jimmy grinned at him and reached out and caught tears with his thumb. 

“I….” Thomas leaned forward and kissed him, softly but with intent. 

Jimmy froze for a moment but then his hand was behind Thomas head, pushing him closer and returning the demand just as softly.


	50. Chapter 50

Kissing Jimmy was exactly what he needed, every time they kissed it made something settle in his chest and the world faded away. Edward couldn’t fade away completely, not the hurt of grief, but it muted and it settled around him. He felt on solid ground and the more their lips brushed together, softly, nearly chastely, kissing the more warm he felt and less shaky. He pressed his hand against the base of Jimmy’s neck and his other wrapped around his waist and yanked. Jimmy laughed against his mouth and Thomas tongue pushed into his mouth and the kiss deepened. Jimmy’s weight pressed against him and he found himself on the couch, Jimmy over him and his hands ran down his back and then pulling on the fabric of his shirt, riding it up and getting his hands against skin. Jimmy hummed and started kissing his jaw and his cheek and he looked down at him, eyes wide and questioning. Thomas nodded everything in him needing Jimmy moment. Jimmy grinned and lifted up enough for Thomas to tug off the shirt and then Jimmy was kissing him again. And the pain muted further and the rest of the world faded away.

Somewhere along the way Jimmy unbuttoned Thomas’ shirt and his mouth against his collar bone, Thomas running his hand up and down Jimmy’s spine up to his neck, trying to get his mouth back on his. Jimmy looked up at him and grinned and stayed where he was pressing kisses against his skin and Thomas slide closed. He was in a controlled spin he thought and he and Jimmy really needed to do this more often. 

“Oh.” 

Sybil. They stopped and their eyes locked, then Jimmy was moving away and Thomas felt himself bristling at it but there was a reason for it but his head was still lost in that muted world. He sat up and the minute he met Sybil’s he remembered — and he hadn’t forgotten, he couldn’t, even lost in Jimmy. 

“I guess you’re okay,” Sybil said and turned around.

“Sybil,” Thomas called after her but it was too late she was in her bedroom. He sighed and hurried after her trying to button up his shirt. He knocked on her door. “Sybil?”

“What?”

He opened the door and walked in and saw her staring down at a picture of her and Edward. A picture he hadn’t seen in years, it was the one Edward had on his bedroom bureau. He swallowed and moved to sit down next to her. “I’m not okay,” he said. 

Sybil looked at him and he reached to take the frame from her. She let him after a brief moment where he was afraid she wouldn’t. He looked down at it and felt a smile tug at his mouth. “He loved this picture, said it was one of the few where he didn’t look strange.”

“Him and thinking he looked strange.”

“So, handsome…” Thomas tracked his jawline with his finger. 

“Very… You two were so striking together.” 

“Yeah,” he blinked, he didn’t want to cry. 

“You think it’s over, the intensity of the grief. You go a year, a year when thoughts of him don’t destroy and then in one second it all changes.” 

“Always hurt too much, every thought, every mention. It always hurt too much,” Thomas said. 

“You kept feeling it.”

“I kept shoving it away so I wouldn’t…” Thomas admitted.

“I am so angry we’re just seeing and getting the things he wished us to have. Why did it take so long?”

“His brother may have tried to tell me, but I tore into that letter. Years of shoving it away and the second someone handed me his words…” Thomas felt the tears start to fall again. “I miss him, everyday.” 

“Me too.” She looked at him and shook her head. 

“What?”

“You’re not an angry ball of rage and pain.”

He remembered when Edward died, he remembered how he took it out on everyone around him. Mean and crazed with the pain. For weeks he was cruel and angry at everyone and everything. He was lost and he honestly didn’t know how he found his way out of it. If he really did because after that he bottled it up. He closed off and refused to allow Edward’s name to be said. He felt the pain, that pain, that same pain and he was angry. He was angry. But he felt grounded and he knew why. 

“I’m being unfair.”

“About?”

“I shouldn’t want you to look a mess, I shouldn’t want you to be a mess. But I feel messy and I want you to too.” 

“I do.”

“But not… the way I know you could. And that’s crazy, I shouldn’t want you to be a ball of angry rage.” 

“No,” Thomas couldn’t help but agree.

“Jimmy’s good for you. That should make me happy. I just… Edward is everywhere in my mind right now.” 

“I love Edward. I love him. He was my real first love, not Philip — deluded myself into that…” Thomas sighed. “I love him, Sybil. I’ll never stop loving him.” 

“But?”

“Jimmy…. I would have drowned in my own tears without him.” 

“I know.”

“He held me up.”

“I know.”

“He can make everything disappear.”

“Was that what you were doing then?”

“Yeah.” 

“Edward would like him,” Sybil said and she fell back on her bed and turned her too look at him. 

He met her eyes and shook his head. “Not sure on that.”

“I am. He…” she took a deep breathe. “In my letter he asked me to watch out for you. Not let you be stupid. I failed on more than one thing he asked of me. But…” she smiled. 

“What?”

She sat back up and reached over him toward her nightstand. She picked up two pieces of paper with the same ugly blocked script as his own letter. “Don’t let him choose a lover with his brain. He will and it will be wrong. I once thought this a nightmare but I dreamed once of him meeting a man, someone so bright he could blind, someone that made Thomas comfortable in his own skin. Someone that would fight anyone that would try to hurt him. Someone that could touch the sky — I thought it might be true, that he might steal Thomas away. I hope now though, I hope it was true. Make him look for that, make him only reach for the sky. For fucks sake don’t let him go back to Philip.” 

Thomas swallowed. 

“Don’t try to argue with me, that screamed Jimmy to you.” 

“Jimmy wasn’t a premonition.”

“Don’t know. Edward had them a lot.” 

Thomas shook his head.

“He never said anything to you about that nightmare?”

“He’d rattle on about me deserving someone brighter than him…” Thomas laughed. “I forgot it, until I read my letter. He didn’t go into as much detail in mine.” 

“You think Jimmy’s bright.”

“I do.”

Sybil sighed. 

“What?”

“It’s ridiculous.

“What?”

“Edward’s in my head and he’s… my best friend. I feel like your cheating.” 

“Jimmy and I aren’t…”

“If you say you two aren’t together I will punch you right in the face.”

“It’s…”

“It’s a lie,” she snapped. “You two were just making out.” 

“That was..” Thomas closed his eyes. “I needed to mute the pain.” 

“Oh, is that what you call it?”

Thomas blinked at her. “Sybil, I wouldn’t do anything to harm his memory.” 

She stared at him and deflated. “I told you it was irrational.” 

“A bit.”

“I do think he’d like him.” 

“I don’t,” Thomas laughed. “He was he jealous type.”

“He was… hence the nightmare.” 

“No one would have stolen me from him.”

“Not even Jimmy?”

Thomas opened his mouth and shut it again, suddenly unsure. But no. No. “No,” he said but it sounded unconvincing. 

“That was a stupid question. You love them both.” 

Thomas swallowed realizing. “I couldn’t choose.” 

“You don’t have to.” 

Thomas nodded. 

“I…” Sybil sighed. “Will you read the poems?”

“No…not now anyway. Maybe someday. But I asked Jimmy to read them.” 

“What?” Sybil glare returned.

“They should be read and Jimmy loves poetry.” 

“But…” she let out a low whistle one he recognized as anger. 

“Sybil?”

“He was my best friend, Thomas. MINE.” 

Thomas sighed as guilt descended. “I’m didn’t think…”

“Why? Why, was he the one you handed that too?”

“Because… Jimmy knows I love him. Jimmy likes poetry. Jimmy writes it — well songs and what is the difference there anyway. And Jimmy understands all those words are mine…” he trailed off at the realization. “He understands all those words are mine, Sybil.” 

Sybil rolled her eyes and sighed. “You’re right. They’re yours to do as you please.” 

“You can read them. Honestly, you can.” 

“No.” 

“Sybil you just got upset…”

“I can’t either, not yet. Just…ask Jimmy to offer to show me the poem that is about me when he finds it.” 

“Poem about you.”

“Edward told me wrote one, wanted you to show it to me. Said you’d know it when you saw it.” 

“What if Jimmy doesn’t?”

Sybil smiled and shook her head. “Don’t know why but I think he will.” 

“I’m sorry…”

“No, don’t. It makes sense and I was being ridiculous again. Grief.” 

Thomas nodded. 

“Okay, get out of my room,” she said. 

“Sybil?”

“I need to change, I need…” she started laughing. 

“What?”

“I need Tom to calm everything down for me.”

“Oh,” Thomas grinned. 

“So, get out.”

“Fine. But don’t distract Branson too much, he’s running that club tonight.”  
“And you trust him with it,” Sybil winked. “Crazy things do happen.” 

He laughed as he walked out of her room and closed the door. He immediately walked into the living room, needing to find Jimmy and see Jimmy. Feeling like he needed to thank Jimmy. But Jimmy wasn’t there and his heart picked up speed and he looked around. The guitar was on the chair, his keys were on the coffee table and he told Thomas he wouldn’t leave. He turned quickly and stalked down the hall. He crashed into his bedroom more than opened it and Jimmy was standing right there looking at him with surprise. Thomas felt relief flood him. 

“Nice entrance,” Jimmy laughed.

Thomas shook his head and closed the door. 

“She okay?” Jimmy asked.

“Yeah.”

“She was mad about us kissing?”

“A bit.”

“I mean.. Are you?”

“No,” Thomas shook his head. “I need…I need you.” 

“Oh.”

Thomas reached out and grabbed Jimmy’s hand, he tugged at him until Jimmy moved into his personal space. He stared into his eyes and then glanced to his mouth. “I need you.” 

Jimmy reached forward and trailed his fingers into Thomas hair. “I’m right here.” 

“Not close enough,” Thomas yanked him against him and kissed him.


	51. Chapter 51

Jimmy pulled at the buttons of Thomas’ shirt he’d done up when he followed Sybil He pulled them all loose and pushed at his shoulders. Thomas pulled away from his mouth for a split second to half-heartedly help Jimmy push it off his arms. He grabbed Jimmy by his hips, fingers going under the edge of his running pants, insistently kissing him. Jimmy was dizzy but he wasn’t sure if it was Thomas’ mouth, his hands burning against the skin of his hips or his own hand against Thomas’ chest, feeling the fast thump of his heart, and the other buried in his hair. 

Thomas’ mouth fell away and he stilled. Jimmy nipped at his mouth, slow to catch up but then he caught sight of Thomas eyes and they’d gone sad. “Hey?”

“Sorry…” Thomas sighed but his hands pressed into Jimmy’s skin rather than lifting away. “It’s just that…”

“Edward.”

“Yes.”

“We don’t have too…”

“I’m confused,” Thomas laughed and stepped away, hands dropping from Jimmy’s skin and he felt like someone emptied him out. But that didn’t matter he followed Thomas to his bed where he sat down. 

“What do you need?” Jimmy asked sitting down next to him. 

“You.” Thomas looked at him, eyes wide and the gray of his eyes bordering on blue. “That’s the confusing part…understanding what Sybil meant.” 

“Sybil’s madder than just a bit?” Jimmy sighed.

“No. Yes… she’s not really mad.” 

Jimmy frowned and looked at Thomas’ door. “Maybe, I should… apologize to her?”

“What for?”

“She lost him too and I was out there making out with you.” 

“Wanna offer her a kiss too?” Thomas laughed but it died out quickly and he shook his head.

“No… I just… her grief matters too.” 

“She’s… not fine, but she will be. She’s probably gone by now.”

“Gone? Where?”

“Went to see Tom.” 

“Oh,” Jimmy nodded. “Makes sense that, they love each other.”

“Do they?”

“From what I’ve seen, yeah.” 

Thomas was staring at him again and Jimmy felt the tingle in his cheeks that meant he was about to blush. “What?”

“I love him.” 

“I know.”

“I… you…I feel…for you, Jimmy,” Thomas stammered his expression and the clarity of his eyes telling Jimmy far more than the words.

“I know,” Jimmy’s heart started pounding harder but held Thomas’ gaze. “I know.” 

“I keep remembering when I realized I loved him.”

“Was it watching him write?”

“No. That just confirmed it.” 

“What was it?”

“He bought me a watch…” Thomas stood up and picked up one of the ZEB watches on the bureau. “We been dated less than a month. It was a new release when he bought it. I was so angry.” 

“Why?”

“The money for one, spending so much on it, on me…”

“He had money though, right?”

“Yeah… silver spoon. Like everyone around me,” Thomas sounded bitter. He turned back around at Jimmy. “I’m leaving a bit of this story out this telling.” 

Jimmy eyebrows rose. “What?”

“Just… I was mad for a lot of reasons about this watch. Truly angry at him and it was about things he didn’t understand and didn’t know. It was unfair and I was awful.” 

“So, you fought.”

“We fought and he took off. And the minute the door closed behind him I knew I loved him.” 

“And?” Jimmy prompting everything he knew about Thomas telling them there was more to this. 

“It’s just…” Thomas sighed. 

“What?”

“This is the wrong time,” he laughed. 

Jimmy nodded because he knew, he knew what Thomas was talking around. He grabbed his hand. “Don’t much think timing matters right now.” 

Thomas looked at their hands and he smiled. “No… all I know, all I know, is I’m too upset to try to keep you at arms length. When I know you’ll mute it all to a buzz. Right now I don’t want to pretend we don’t want each other…. But. But, it’s got me all confused a bit guilty. Sybil told me it felt like I was cheating on her best friend.” 

Jimmy hugged Thomas. He just barreled in, wrapped himself around him. “What you want, need, whatever it’s yours… Sybil doesn’t meant it, not really. You’re not… I know he’s right here in the room.” 

“How?” Thomas asked his voice muffled by Jimmy’s skin.

“Don’t know, but he’s been here since we met. Right? That night, you told me about him.”

Thomas lifted his head and stared at Jimmy. “You’re right.”

“We…” Jimmy felt something tighten in his chest at the word. “We are…whatever we are, it’s with all our baggage. You know my lowest moments, and I know yours.” 

“Not all of mine…” Thomas sounded guilty.

“Fine, you might not know all of mine either, I’m not sure… But we aren’t purposely hiding things, right?”

“No. Just another thing I never talk about.”

“Like Edward?”

Thomas gave him a sad smile. “Usually, talking about Edward made it feel like my soul was being ripped to shreds. It never feels like with you.” 

“I’ll do what you want? Anything to help you move through this… Read his poems, give you space, hold you, kiss you?”

“I don’t want space.”

“Don’t wanna give it to you, but I would.”  
Thomas smiled and leaned forward, Jimmy’s eyes slid closed as soon as their lips met, he clutched at Thomas. Thomas ran a hand down his spine, palm pressing at his lower back, pulling him into him. Jimmy’s hand found Thomas’ heartbeat and knew his was probably beating just as fast. Like it was trying to fly out and away. But it was caged, between them, he felt Thomas sigh into his mouth and couldn’t stop the smile that followed. 

His feet stumbled backward and he realized Thomas was pushing him, walking him really, backing him up to the bed. He fell on it at an angle and Thomas climbed over him and kissed him again and again. Jimmy ran his hand down his back and into his hair. He leaned up and he let himself get pressed down. He was fuzzy, dizzy and content in ways he didn’t know were possible. He felt flattered, he felt amazed Thomas was trusting him with this — he knew every kiss was keeping Thomas sewn together. 

Because grief for Edward had ripped him apart for far too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, shorter than usual, but when a chapter finishes it finishes.


	52. Chapter 52

Jimmy woke up with his nose pressed against the base of Thomas’ neck, his hair tickling the bridge of Jimmy’s nose. He grinned at both the tickle and at the fact of waking up with his arms around Thomas. His smile faltered a bit but remained as the memories of why he fell asleep with Thomas on the top of his bed. He tightened his hold on him as the memories of the day flooded back in and his worry ratcheted up again, he pressed a kiss against his skin. Worrying about if he did the right thing, given how much he enjoyed it. It felt selfish and Thomas given so much of himself to keep Jimmy from drowning in the disasters of his own making. He wanted to return the favor but had he? Should he have kept Thomas at arms length? Jimmy sighed and felt himself snuggling into Thomas rather than moving away and realized he wasn’t really worried enough — because he really liked where he was in the moment. Thomas said he needed him, wanted him, Thomas implied Jimmy was keeping him on solid ground. 

“Hope that’s true,” Jimmy whispered. 

“Hope what is true.” Thomas shifted and suddenly he and Jimmy were face to face. Jimmy stared right at him, right into him, through clear gray eyes. 

“Half asleep, don’t know what I’m saying,” Jimmy reached up and touched Thomas’s cheek and let the stubble scratch his palm. 

Thomas titled his face into the touch.

“Don’t think I’ve ever done this before,” Jimmy whispered as it occurred to him.

“What?” Thomas asked him his eyes half closed his voice sleepy. 

“Kissed someone until we drifted off to sleep.”

Thomas chuckled his eyes opening again. “First for me too.” 

“Good,” Jimmy grinned. “Like that, me getting a first.” 

Thomas smiled and Jimmy felt his breath catch, but he knew he had to see, he had to check, he had to bring it up. “You okay?”

Thomas shook his head slightly but then he started nodding. His smile grew wider and than faded a the corners. “I’m not but I’m not going to shatter.” 

Jimmy nodded and trailed his thumb up Thomas’ cheekbone, against his stubble. Thomas moved into it again and Jimmy felt his cheeks heat up. “I like you like this.” 

“Like what?”

“Messy,” Jimmy put his hair in Thomas hair tugging it over his forehead. 

Thomas grinned, laughed and ducked his head down. But when he lifted it back up his expression was serious. “Jimmy?”

“Yeah?”

“Just… you kept me together and it was too much to expect so…”

“Thomas… how many times since we met have you kept me from falling on my face?”

Thomas shook his head. “Jimmy.”

“A lot, a lot is the answer… and I’ll never feel like I’ve paid it back.” 

“You don’t have too,” Thomas whispered. “Didn’t do anything I didn’t wanna do.”

“Same here,” Jimmy whispered. “It wasn’t a decision, Thomas. It just was.” 

“Just was?” Thomas grinned again. “That fits.” 

“Does, doesn’t it.” 

“We can’t stay here,” Thomas sighed. 

“We can for a bit, yet.” 

“I should call Betwixt…”

“You don’ need to do that… You never go in Friday’s anymore.”

“And I won’t be, going in, but…” 

Jimmy sighed. “Life goes on?”

“Yeah,” Thomas tensed up. 

“What?”

“I… I don’t want to bury it again, pretend him being gone doesn’t hurt me daily. I think I did that too long? Why did I do that? I should let myself miss Edward.”

Jimmy shook his head. 

“Thing is…” Thomas ran a hand into Jimmy’s hair. “Thing is… talking to you about him is so easy? Why’s that?”

“Oh, that’s easy, I’m awesome,” Jimmy smirked. 

Thomas grinned.

“Come on, you’re right, we need to get up. I have a gig tonight, you know.”

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

“You are my number one groupie.” 

Thomas glared at him. 

Jimmy laughed and he rolled out of the bed and offered his hand to Thomas. Thomas took it and soon they were both standing. Thomas grabbed him by the hips and bent down, capturing Jimmy’s mouth. Jimmy kissed him back and shivered at the intensity of it all. Kissing Thomas was always perfect. It was a good minute before they broke apart both of them smiling and chuckling. Thomas pushed Jimmy gently away from him. “I’m going to make coffee.” 

“I’m going to take a quick shower.”

Thomas nodded and started to leave, his hand going from Jimmy’s hip to his chest as he pulled away and Jimmy grabbed hold of his arm. A sudden surge of protectiveness hitting him. “What?” Thomas asked.

“You’ll tell me when you need shoring up?”

“Of course.”

“Cause… I know today is usually you being here for me. But it’s going both ways today.” 

“Both ways, yes.”

Jimmy nodded but his letting of Thomas’ arm was reluctant. A part of him wanted to bring him into the bathroom with him but he didn’t dare suggest it. It wasn’t the time, their timing was still a bit out of sync and he wondered when it might click totally into place. He was sure it would someday and the truth was he wasn’t in a hurry, the last thing he waned to rush was whatever it was between him and Thomas. He felt like he knew the end, already, but the getting there was important. 

~~~

Thomas run his hands over his face as he walked down the hall, the feel of two days worth of stubble against his palms. He grinned a bit, knowing Jimmy liked it — though why beyond Thomas. He meant to head straight to the kitchen but his eyes caught the box on the coffee table. He swallowed and walked toward it. Jimmy put the blue journal on the table itself. Thomas picked it up, he let his fingers feel the edges of all the pages. He looked at the the Celtic Cross that was embossed onto the leather of the cover. He traced it and remembered watching Edward write in it. Usually in the chair by the window, but sometimes on the couch, sometimes in the bed. He always used a black pen and he’d get ink on his fingers, tracing over his own lines — Thomas wondered if they were smudged on the pages. But the thought of opening the journals was too much, he wasn’t sure he could stand to see the words — the words he finally knew 100% certainty would speak of him. It would be how Edward saw him. It would be how Edward saw them? 

Thomas put the book down like it burned him and wiped at the tears stinging him. But he looked at the chair again and remembered. It wasn’t one memory, he knew that, so much time had passed. But despite being a blend of days it was memory nonetheless. Of him sitting on the couch, pretending to read a horology magazine as Edward sat, wearing earbuds and mumbling words — nothing Thomas could follow, or understand, it was just random words. Where the music or the poems? Thomas would watch over the top of the magazine and now and again Edward would glance toward him. Thomas always glanced away, he always went back to the lie of reading the magazine. Not wanting to intrude on Edward in his zone. Edward never said a thing, ever, and Thomas was wondering if he’d been transparent? 

He look at the journal again and the chair. He realized the memories, that thinking about Edward weren’t making him feel crushed by pain and grief. It was almost nice — he had so many questions and regrets he realized. It would hurt he thought, but it hurt less than thought it would. A dam been broken, the one he’d built up for years. It was broken but hadn’t broken him. He looked down the hall. He knew why. He knew why he wasn’t broken. He looked down the hall and then he looked at the chair again. Only this time it was to look at the guitar. He looked at the guitar and saw Jimmy playing it, muttering words to himself. He saw Jimmy looking up and grinning smugly having caught Thomas watching. 

It was strange to think how similar and how totally different it all was… The similarities were little but those details felt important. They felt right. He loved them both he realized again. But he had to accept Edward been a fleeting beautiful thing and it was time he started letting himself remember it and truly grieve it. 

He touched the blue journal, hand flat against the cover as he stood up. Then he walked into the kitchen and started the coffee. Again he found himself thinking he should call Betwixt, or Branson? He frowned, Jimmy said he’d thrown his phone after he turned it off. He walked back into the living room and quickly found it on the floor under the window. He picked it up and turned it on and a steady stream of notifications went off. 

He looked them through. Branson, Branson, Emma, Emma, various clients but it was the last one that gave him pause. Edith Crawley. He frowned and called his voicemail, deleting all the messages from Branson and Emma without listening to them. Frowning at the unhappy clients. Then there was Edith — wondering what the hell was going on and since when did he take days off? Only took nearly a month to notice, he thought irritated, because she doesn’t care about damn place anymore than he does…

His eyes widened. No. He cared. He sighed. He held his thumb over the call button, Edith’s number in black staring back at him. He looked at it and he found he didn’t have it in him to call her back right now. He closed his eyes, confusion about Betwixt swirling around him again. Then there was Edward letter and he shook his head harder. His mind spinning and the next thing he knew he threw the phone back onto the floor. 

“Whoa? Betwixt didn’t burn down did it?” Jimmy asked his tone cheeky but Thomas heard the worry. 

“No,” Thomas said. “I just… My head is muddled.”

“Probably should be,” Jimmy said. 

Thomas really looked at him and felt the same punch he always felt. Jimmy’s beautiful face, his golding hair curling over his forehead and his golden skin. How was he even real? He walked up to him and noted the black t-shirt and a ratty pair of jeans. He raked his eyes over him and watched Jimmy’s cheeks go red. He smiled at him and grabbed a belt loop and tugged him gently forward. Jimmy went with the motion and they were so close, Thomas could smell his own soap on Jimmy’s skin and he felt a rush of possessiveness. He looked into dark blue and worried eyes. 

“I’m okay.”

“You sure?”

“I was just…” Thomas looked back at the journal. “Before I got distracted with work stuff. I was letting myself remember him.”

“And?” Jimmy grabbed his hand and their fingers threaded. 

“And, it was… don’t want to say nice. But it wasn’t as awful as I’ve made myself believe it would be.”

“Gets easier with practice, kind of,” Jimmy said his expression sad. 

Thomas squeezed his hand and heard the coffee machine beep. “Coffee is ready. I need a shower.” 

“Don’t shave,” Jimmy said immediately.

“Any other demands?” Thomas laughed. 

“Don’t get dressed?” 

“Cheeky,” Thomas laughed. 

“You asked.”

Thomas felt an urge to kiss him and there was no voice telling him to resist the temptation. Not after the yesterday, not after waking up next to him. He leaned down and kissed him, soft but quick.


	53. Chapter 53

It was Friday and he was in Betwixt and it felt strange to him. But it was necessary. He was still going to the Pixie of course, nothing would keep him away from being there for Jimmy. But there were a few things he had to go through with Emma Lambert before he took his first real vacation since he started working at the club. 

He was looking through the detailed list of do’s and don’t’s he’d been adding too and revising for over a week now. He was fairly sure at this point he’d thought of every contingency and small details she should know. He wanted her only calling him if there was an foreseen problem but he was certain he thought about almost everything that was possible to foresee. He just flipped a page of the list and started to read down the next page when his office door flew open. 

He looked up and frowned as Edith Crawley stood there, hands on her hips and what he supposed was supposed to an irate expression. It just made her look wrinkled — she had nothing on her two sisters abilities to school a person with a mere look. 

Thomas met her stare with his own, one he knew could make people falter. She did just that by stepping back a bit. Then she turned and shut the door to the office behind her. She walked up to his desk and looked at him again, though she didn’t try to stare him down. Thomas stayed where he was sitting and decided to let her make the first move. She was the one barging in after all. 

“Who exactly is Emma Lambert.”

“A bartending I’ve been training to manage the club in my absence.”

“You’re training a bartender to run my club.”

He bristled at her referring to Betwixt as hers. It was true on paper but it wasn’t in reality. It was his blood, sweat and sleepless nights that kept the club going — but he was questioning it now. He looked at her and wondered if maybe for once it was true. It was her club and not his — not with how much he’d been questioning it all lately. Not with how much he was looking forward to taking two whole weeks off. 

“She’s quite competent,” he said. 

“She’s a bartender.”

“And?”

“Does she have a degree?”

“No. But neither do I.”

“That’s different.”

“How so?”

“Because, we grew up together and in a weird way you’re family.”

Thomas rolled his eyes, he was not a Crawley on any level. It was true he owed them a bit, he knew that, but they’d never been his family. The exception was Sybil but that happened later, after the fact. It was an aberration and it was due to Sybil not being a typical Crawley in any shape or form. 

“Well,” Edith prompted.

“Well, what?”

“Why are you letting some stranger, some _bartender_ run my club?” 

“I was once a _bartender_ if you remember, Edith. You also employ quite a few bartenders in this club. Maybe you shouldn’t be looking your snotty nose down on them.” He snapped irritated. 

Edith drew back and glared at him. It was almost impressive he thought. 

“I knew you.”

“No you didn’t,” Thomas snapped. 

“Stop that…. This is MY club, I leave it YOUR hands for a reason. I trust you, I know you, and you know what you’re doing. I will not lose money because you rather be with that boy toy you’ve started dating, probably to piss off Philip.”

“Excuse me?” Thomas shouted.

“Are you skipping out of your duty because of that boy toy… Joey, Jackie, Georgie….whatever his name is… This about paying back Philip about making sure more and more pictures of you and that boy are all over the papers?”

“Go fuck yourself, Edith,” standing up. 

“EXCUSE ME.”

“Oh, you heard me. I’m not skipping out of anything. I’ve worked myself tirelessly FOR YEARS. YEARS. I decide to take a vacation… MY FIRST. You’re in here whining at me about YOUR CLUB. You don’t even have the first idea of how to run it. Emma does. She might be some lowly peon to you, which you obviously think even applies to me. So don’t give me bullshit about me wanting my pictures in the tabloids. You of all people know I hate it and secondly, I don’t give one fuck about Philip.” 

“Oh please… You and Philip love your little games and your on and off bullshit.”

“I think you’re mistaking me for Mary. And no, I’ve never liked the on and off bullshit, which is why it’s off from now on.”

“Because of the boy toy Georgie… who is never in the club anymore, after I specifically asked you get in him in more. He’s all over the tabloids promoting other establishments and you’re standing right next to him. What kind of message does that send or elite clients, Thomas?”

“His name is Jimmy and he’s not my boy toy. He has a life, Edith. I can’t force him to come in here if he’s busy working and playing his music.” 

“But you’ll take off nights to go be with him?”

Thomas sighed, she had him there. 

“You’ve flaked out and I’ve said nothing.”

“It was no flaking out…” Thomas sighed. “I’m taking this vacation.”

“No you’re not.”

“And you’re going to stop me,” he laughed. 

“I’m the boss.”

“I have a contract. That gives me twenty-eight days off yearly. I’ve NEVER TAKEN IT Been working here over five years, Edith. Building this club up from nothing to what it is now… ON MY OWN. I’m taking two weeks off and there is nothing you can do about it.” 

“The contract can’t possibly say that…”

“It does and even you know it.”

Edith tried to glare at him but deflated. “Why are you doing this? I thought you cared about Betwixt?”

He opened his mouth but realized he didn’t know what to say that question. He was questioning his loyalty to the club more and more lately. He wasn’t sure about anything anymore. His life seemed to be pulling him in different directions. He was a creature of habit, he liked to feel comfortable in knowing what might happen next. He had a carefully crafted plan but in a matter of months it all fell apart on him. Everything was unravelling and the craziest thing about it was he felt relief at every turn. 

“Thomas?”

“I need this break, Edith. I need to figure some things out.”

“On some romantic getaway with Jamie?”

“JIMMY. And no, we aren’t….” Thomas sighed because he didn’t know what to say. Saying he and Jimmy weren’t together felt like a lie, but it wasn’t the truth either. They were in this limbo and Thomas wasn’t sure when or how it might change on them. They were going day by day. They were good the way they were — even if Thomas heart wanted more. 

“Pfft. Sure you’re not,” Edith scoffed.

He decided not to argue with her. “Emma can handle the day to day, I promise you. I wouldn’t leave the club in bad hands, you must at least know that.”

Edith sighed. 

“It’ll be fine.”

“Fine. I want to meet her. Now.”

“Of course,” Thomas sighed and hoped the ridiculous arguing was over. “I’ll go get her.” 

“Wait…”

Thomas stopped mid stride.

“I apologize, you’ve done a lot for me and this club.”

Thomas nodded and thought she didn’t know the half of it. He never felt bad for his plans to steal everything out from under her. He didn’t feel any guilt now, what he did feel now was maybe it’d be okay to let her keep everything while he stepped away to do something else entirely. It was a weird a feeling, it felt foreign and again he found himself feeling relief. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he said because it as close to accepting the apology as he could get. 

~~~

Thomas walked into the back door of the Pixie hours later, and an hour later than he’d meant too. Edith been a pain in his ass, asking questions and things that even Emma already knew the answers too. She truly had no idea how to run a club and it’d gotten to the point where he wanted to start laughing in her face. But he held off, barely, because it wasn’t exactly fair to her. Not really. Plus it would have made everything go longer if was forced to try to apologize for finding her absurd. 

Jimmy was in the back room fiddling with his guitar when Thomas walked in. He looked up and opened his mouth, but it closed quickly and he put down the guitar and met up with him in the middle of the room. “I was going ask what kept you but looking at you I feel the more important question is: Did you murder someone?” 

Thomas laughed and grinned at him. “Nearly.”

“So, no body to help you hide?”

“Not this time.”

“Good, I have plans tonight.” 

Thomas nodded.

“Who was almost murdered.”

“Edith.”

“The ‘Club Owner’,” Jimmy said with air quotes.

Thomas laughed again. “Yes, I was told I couldn’t take a vacation.”

“She what?”

“It doesn’t matter, she saw sense… finally. But irritating wanted to meet Emma to be sure she knew what she was doing. Emma knows that job better than Edith ever could.”

Jimmy nodded and grabbed his hand. “Come on.”

Thomas let him pull him over to a small couch in the room. Jimmy made him sit down, and moved next to him and behind him. Then his fingers were pressing into the muscles of his shoulders. “You should take longer than two weeks,” he said, his breath tickling Thomas’ ear. 

“I can’t justify more than two,” Thomas muttered as he melted into Jimmys’ touch. 

“Yeah, well, I’m going to keep begging you to add one more day.” 

“Are you now?”

“Yes. I mean I’ve finagled Saturdays off at the Flaming Skunk for a reason.”

Thomas grinned. “You pulled it off then?”

“Yeah. I bribed Andy Parker with Daisy’s phone number. With her permission of course. I think he’s the right guy for her. Though anything is an upgrade from Alfred…” Thomas heard Jimmy swallow hard and knew it was because Alfred left a whole in his life, as much as he complained about the guy. Thomas bent his arm up to rest his hand onto Jimmy’s for a second.

Jimmy inhaled deeply, then breathed out tickling Thomas’ ear again. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not.”

“No,” Thomas turned and grabbed his hands. “So, Saturdays off?”

“Yep,” Jimmy smiled. 

Thomas caught his gaze and returned the grin. 

Jimmy licked his lips and started to lean forward. 

“Jimmy!” Daisy ran into the room. “Oops, sorry.” 

Thomas stifled a sigh but Jimmy was looking at Daisy. “What?”

“Well, um…” Daisy looked a bit awkward to Thomas, but he wasn’t sure, he didn’t know her very well yet. Though she’d taken Alfred’s place as Jimmy’s best mate rather easily and he was meaning to get to know her simply for that alone. 

“What?” 

“Ivy’s here.”

Jimmy tensed up. 

Thomas grabbed his hand. 

“She wants too come back…” Daisy explained.

Jimmy gripped Thomas’ hand tightly, nearly too tightly. “Um.”

“I told her you might not be ready…”

“No, no,” Jimmy argued but he looked at Thomas completely unsure. 

“If you want to, talk with her,” Thomas offered. 

“I… yeah. Alone, though, I think,” Jimmy said looking at Thomas and not Daisy. 

Thomas nodded, squeezed Jimmy’s hand and stood up. “Daisy, I’ll buy you a drink.”

“Oh, big spender,” Daisy quipped. “I’ll send her in.”

“Yeah, thanks…” Jimmy said.

Thomas looked back at him and saw the worry. A part of him wanted to stay and not leave him alone. But Jimmy wanted to do it privately, so he would let him… Let him, like he had say over Jimmy’s life. He shot him what he hoped was reassuring smile. Jimmy gave him a grin in return and nodded. 

As he and Daisy stepped into the bar area he saw Ivy by the door, waiting. She immediately hopped up and down in front of Daisy. “Will he see me?”

Daisy nodded. 

Ivy eyes widened and Thomas thought she looked like a frightened chipmunk. “Oh, God, I don’t know what to say.”

“Well, figure it out,” Daisy snarked and rolled her eyes. “Go on,” she shoved Ivy forward. “First door on the right.”

Thomas watched the exchange with worry and watched Ivy walk down the hall and disappear through the door. He frowned. He felt someone hit his arm and looked down to see Daisy looking at him. 

“It’ll be okay, she’s figured a lot out. I wouldn’t have let her near him otherwise… Promise.” 

Thomas nodded. 

“Now since you're buying I want the most expensive drink on their menu,” Daisy grinned and hurried toward the bar. Thomas rolled his eyes and pulled out his wallet. But he still looked back in the direction of Jimmy and wished he stayed.


	54. Chapter 54

Jimmy watched Thomas disappear through the door and he almost hurried after him. He was sure if he rushed he could catch him by the elbow and silently implore him to stay with him. His heart beat with it but he didn’t move. He couldn’t move. This was about him and Ivy. And that existed way before he knew Thomas Barrow — it was a strange feeling, remembering he existed before Thomas. He shook that off, that was in the category of things he tried not to think about it. Not right now, now wasn’t the time. He turned in a circle and started toward his guitar. Some instinct making him want to grab it and put it between him and Ivy. He chuckled at the idea of needing something to protect himself from Ivy. 

He heard the click of shoes against the floorboards and decided to leave the guitar. He turned around and found himself grinning at her. She was wearing a simple pink dress and done her hair up in a high pony tail. Simple and sweet. That was how she always to him, from the moment they became friends — it was why he never felt anything for past friendship. 

“Hi,” she said and she sounded shy. 

“Hey,” he said and wondered if he sounded shy too. 

“It it okay I came with Daisy?”

“Yeah, of course, Ivy.” 

“Really?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” he asked and his heart was hammering. He wanted this, he hadn’t realized he wanted this but he had almost asked Daisy more than once to bring Ivy with her. He only stopped himself because he was sure she didn’t want to see him. Even if Daisy was saying she watched all the youtube videos that always found their way online after his show. He thought people might get tired of him but they weren’t. 

“I don’t know. I wasn’t very nice last time we talked. I was confused and upset. I was mad at you for not wanting me and then you were telling me you like men and… I was wrong.”

“You weren’t wrong,” he argued. “I never wanted you like that,” he said softly.

“I know. And… Well, Alfred help me realize how unfair I was being to you, constantly trying to get to like me how I liked you. Kinda realized all the things he did that irritated me. Well, I was doing that to you. I was stupid.” 

“You’re not stupid, Ivy.”

“I am, a bit… trying not to be. Daisy’s pointed how how naive I am.” 

Jimmy laughed. “You are.”

“So’s Alfred.” 

Jimmy nodded. 

“But you aren’t… and you grew up with us, with the same parents and people all around us. Why are you different?”

“Don’t know… maybe it’s cause I left our neighborhood more than you and him. I tried a lot of things that you guys never wanted to join me. And… well, I’m different from the two of you.” 

“Cause of your sexuality,” Ivy said and Jimmy noticed she was blushing. 

“Well, yeah… maybe other things too. I don’t want to be just Jimmy from the neighborhood.”

“You never were,” Ivy said with a fond smile. “I’ll always love you a bit more than I should, I think.” 

Jimmy shook his head. “Don’t deserve that.”

“Maybe not,” she said. 

“I’m glad you’re here,” Jimmy said. “I am.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Good,” she smiled. “I wasn’t sure. I didn’t handle things well.”

“Did better than Alfred,” Jimmy said.

“I’ve moved out. Daisy and Mr. Mason took me in, until figure out what I want to do.” 

“What about Alfred?”

“He’s acting like he never knew you… he keeps throwing away my magazines. And if I try to bring you up, well, he’s not very nice. And, I think I’ll always love Alfred too, in a way, but I don’t much like him anymore.” 

“Oh,” Jimmy shook his head. “You shouldn’t… this is about me? You shouldn’t lose him because of me.”

“It’s not just that… well, okay it’s a lot that. But he’s wrong. He keeps telling me over and over again how men liking men is a sin. Whenever he catches me watching you on youtube or reading a n article. He ripped up this one magazine before I even saw it because you and that man were on the cover holding hands. I mean you were just holding hands…” 

Jimmy felt himself blush as a million different times he and Thomas found themselves holding hands over the weeks. Which time was it? Which cover? He duck his head down and tried to think about how his hand felt oddly empty as result of the memories. 

“I just… Daisy was saying one thing to me and Alfred was preaching the opposite. And I realized Alfred is being close minded and pig headed. I mean you two were best mates and he’s acting like it never happened. How can he do that? I can’t do that? You’ve been around forever and I want you around. I want Alfred around too but he’s a git. So… I guess I’m choosing you, which probably isn’t a surprise but I know we’ll never happen now. I get that. You love that man.”

“I don’t…. Thomas and I aren’t…”

“Yeah, Daisy says you two are complicated.” Ivy grinned at him. 

“Whole life is complicated right now, Ivy.”

“Do you want me back in it?”

“I never wanted you out of it.”

She flew at him then, tackling into his arms, wrapping her arms around his shoulders in a hard, familiar, Ivy hug. Jimmy closed his eyes and hugged her back and felt comforted that her weight felt the same as it always used too. “I miss you,” she whispered. 

“Me too.” 

They broke apart and her eyes went behind him to his guitar. She walked up to it and looked at him. “I’m like how you’ve rearranged Rundown.” 

“Yeah? I’m totally sure about it… But then it always sounds a bit wrong because you aren’t doing the background vocals.”

“Daisy could’ve…”

“She said it wouldn’t sound right with her either and she’s right.”

Ivy blushed. “Yeah. But I like the rearrangement a lot and you’re singing it differently too. Saying the words different. It’s almost a new song.” 

“Yeah, well, I figured out why I wrote it, what the words mean.” 

“You didn’t know?”

“Not consciously, no… deep down, yeah.” 

“Are you singing it tonight? I really want to hear it live.” 

“Yeah…” he ran a hand through his hair. “You want to sing back up?”

Her eyes widened. “No, are you nuts! I’d need to practice with you first with how you’ve changed it.” 

Jimmy laughed. “Well, okay. So, how about practicing with me before next week?”

“Really?”

“Why not? We sound great together.”

“But this is… This is _your_ dream, Jimmy. You wanted this, Alfred and I were just tagging along. And you didn’t need us, you did this on your own.” 

“I had help,” he said. 

“Thomas?” she asked.

“A bit, yeah… he’s…” 

“Complicated?”

“Tip of the iceberg,” he grinned. 

“Daisy thinks she likes him.”

“Thinks?”

“Yeah, I’ll try to not make a snap judgement.”

“He’s… hard to get to know.”

“He’s really handsome.” 

“Yeah, he is…” Jimmy shook his head.

“I think you two look… good together.” 

“Yeah?” Jimmy asked.

“Yeah. Daisy like I said, says you two are complicated. But why?”

“What do you mean?”

“I saw the youtube of your first gig, Jimmy. I know you, you were panicking. It was like when we were in high school and you were the lead in the play — only worse. But when he showed up it all vanished and there you were cocky Jimmy Kent again.” 

“I forgot about that play.” 

“Well, you’re a horrible actor.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes.

“You only got the part because you can sing.”

“I said shut it,” Jimmy laughed.

“Aren’t you in love with him?”

Jimmy sighed.  
“What’s complicated about knowing that?”

“Nothing. That’s not the problem.”

“So you are?”

“Of course I am…” Jimmy looked at the door, suddenly afraid Thomas might walk in. “I am, it’s just…”

“What?”

“We both need to figure out some things.” 

“What?”

“Look. No one understands it but me and him. But we do and it’s okay. It’s good.”

“Keeping it complicated is good?”

“Yes.”

Ivy frowned at him. “I want you to be happy.”

Jimmy grinned. “I want that for you too.”

“Oh, I’m young yet, I’ll find the right guy.”

“You will.” 

She flung herself at him again with another hug. “You found yours shouldn’t you do something about it.”

“I’m not ignoring it, I’m not.”

“Daisy says you are.”

“Daisy is daft.” 

Ivy squeezed him and the pulled away, just as there was a knock on the door. Bernard poked his head into the room. “The audience is getting impatient, Kent.”

Jimmy inhaled sharply and reached behind Ivy for his guitar. “You sure you don’t want too…”

“NO!” 

Jimmy laughed. “Come on, I’m sure Daisy and Thomas saved you a good seat.” 

He beelined it to Thomas, who was sitting on the edge of the stage drinking something out of a tumbler. He put his guitar down on the stage and sat down next to him and held out his hand. Thomas looked at him and handed him the glass. Jimmy took a sip of what turned out to be bourbon and grinned. “Hard liquor, huh? Edith?”

“Her. The club… am I…never mind. How did it go?”

“The vacation is the right idea. And well, really well actually.” 

Thomas was studying him and Jimmy met his eyes. “How well?”

Jimmy laughed. “Are you jealous?”

“Of her?” Thomas rolled his eyes. 

“Ivy’s always been like a sister and I think she gets it now. Don’t know I think she did some growing up. Me too. Alfred’s the one left in the dust.” 

Thomas gave him a long look. “He’s not worth missing.”

“I know. Doesn’t stop it though,” Jimmy sighed.

Thomas grabbed his hand, their fingers threaded and Jimmy looked down their hands and blushed. Thinking about what Ivy told him and he looked toward the crowd and saw a million flashing lights. He laughed and nudged Thomas with his shoulder. 

“What?”

“Nothing, not really, it’s just…I’m glad you’re here.” 

“Wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

“I know.”

“It really went okay with her?”

“Yeah. Daisy got through to her on somethings I think. And Alfred, well I think he pushed her away trying make me out as a sinner.” 

Thomas snorted. “Can’t blame her for picking you.”

“No, you can’t.”

Thomas grinned at him. 

“I better start the set.”

Thomas nodded but he didn’t move and he only tightened his grip on Jimmy’s hand. He tugged a bit on his arm as he leaned in toward Jimmy. His eyes closed the moment Thomas’ lips brushed against his lips. It was short — as their kisses went — but it made Jimmy’s head spin. 

“We were interrupted earlier,” Thomas whispered. “And I really needed that.” 

“Always here for that,” Jimmy leaned in and kissed him again. Thomas was slow to pull away and Jimmy chased him until Thomas let go of his hand and moved his to the back of Jimmy’s neck. 

“Go. Sing. Be brilliant.”

“Of course.” Jimmy winked and hopped up onto his feet. He grabbed his guitar and made his way to the stool. He got himself settled and followed Thomas until he sat down in a seat between Daisy and Ivy. He thought for a moment that it was just missing Sybil. If it had Sybil, all the most important people in his life would be out in the crowd and supporting him. It was a strange feeling, it dazed him a bit because his life been a disaster. An absolute disaster. It was a constant surprise his life was on a good trajectory. How he crawled out of the mess was a question he kept asking. His eyes found Thomas and Jimmy knew he was a piece of the puzzle. The biggest piece. But he wasn’t the whole puzzle. But Thomas was the most important face in the crowd and that shocked him too. Surprised him. How quickly things can change? How swiftly a person can become everything. Jimmy reminded himself not to take anything for granted as his eyes fell on Ivy. 

“First song tonight, I’m dedicating to my friend, Ivy…. Who is sitting right over there, blushing as pink as her dress.” he pointed at her. “Thank you, for being here.”


	55. Chapter 55

Jimmy was at the gym, since he couldn’t run around the neighborhood any longer thanks to the tabloids. He went from being super pleased about the attention to wanting to murder all the paparazzi. Thomas given him use of his guest past to his gym, because it was elite enough it had high security and the average paparazzi was never getting in. The place was built to be protective of it’s clients. In fact the owners were on the list of people he planned to steal from Edith. 

Thomas’ mood plummeted instantly at the thought of Betwixt. It was his first day of his long overdo vacation. He shouldn’t be feeling on edge about everything, he was supposed to be putting it aside. He focused back on his desk and sat down in the chair. It was a mess, paperwork, books, miscellaneous things all over the surface. The plan was to shove everything Betwixt away in folders and drawers. Work a bit on of his last assignments for his degree. Thinking about that made him irritated as well — he was almost done. Finally after having to wait years so he could afford college, after balancing work and school, being stuck doing projects with people years younger than himself — who usually flaked off on him, leaving him the adult holding the bag. He hated it and loved it. He should be feeling excited, thrilled it was two assignments and a test from over. But he wasn’t. He knew everything he needed to know, these last assignments felt boring and unneeded. His was bored. He wasn’t supposed to be bored. 

“Focus. Just clean off the damn desk,” he muttered to himself and went to grab a pen but instead it rolled right off the desk. He groaned frustrated and got up and went to pick it up. But something else caught his eye. He frowned. Caught between the bookcase and his desk was his neighbor’s mantle clock. His neighbor’s very expensive, antique mantle clock. He grimaced as he grabbed it. He carefully turned it over a few times in his hands. Checking the surface of it, making sure nothing on its surface been hurt. He ran his fingers over the carvings and looked at its face. It wasn’t ticking, it was stuck a few minutes past four. He looked it over again and again. Mortified it’d been stuck between the furniture and utterly baffled about how it was stuck between his furniture. He put it up to his ear and frowned at the silence. He shook it gently and felt a bit of relief when he heard nothing jingling inside of it. He put it down, carefully, on his desk and picked up his phone. He needed to call Elsie Hughes and ask about the clock. 

The door opened and Jimmy walked in singing along to his iPod. He waved at Thomas and dropped his gym bag onto the couch. Thomas spun on his chair and followed him with his eyes as he made his way into the kitchen and grabbed an orange from the bowl on the counter. Jimmy pulled off his Ipod and grinned at him. 

“Relaxing?” he asked.

“No,” Thomas grumbled. “Do you know anything about this?” he held up the clock. 

“Oh, shit,” Jimmy eyes widened. “I totally forgot about that thing.”

“Thing?” Thomas echoed appalled. 

“Clock, whatever…there was note for you about fixing it? You can fix clocks?” 

“You didn’t tell me about it?” Thomas stared at him.

“No. I didn’t have chance to tell you about it. And I right forgot about it until now.” 

“What would make you forget about a clock?” Thomas tried to be patient. 

“You’re getting pretty stressed about a clock, Thomas,” Jimmy laughed. 

“Do you have any idea how expensive this clock is? It was wedged between the desk and the bookcase. It’s an antique,” Thomas clenched his jaw and tried to stay calm. 

“I didn’t… Look, I walked in tossed it toward the desk caus —“

“You tossed it!” Thomas interrupted. 

“Yeah, I did because…”

“Jimmy. This is easily worth over five thousand dollars.” 

Jimmy eyes widened. 

“You tossed it.” 

“Because…”

“Was there a note? She would have left a note.” He turned back to the desk. “How long ago was this?” 

“Yeah, there was a note,” Jimmy muttered. “It’s really worth that much?”

“Yes,” Thomas sighed. “You tossed it.”

“Well you were upset about Edward, if I was holding a kitten I would tossed it too.”

“Cats land on their feet,” Thomas muttered before the whole sentence processed “Wait what?”

Jimmy laughed. “It was the same day Jack Courtenay blindsided you.”

“Oh. Just, never toss a clock. Ever.”

“Is that like a phrase I’ve never heard before in my life? Don’t toss the clock, don’t cry over spilt milk…”

“Over five thousand dollars and a family heirloom.”

“If someone has a family heirloom that expensive why do they live here?”

“It’s the age and maker that gives it the value. It was made by a very underrated clockmaker but over the years his work became more and more revered. Mrs. Hughes was distantly related to him and he made this clock for her parents when they got married. She doesn’t really care about the monetary value.” 

“Huh?”

Thomas opened a few drawers and frowned. “My tools are in my room. See if you can find her note. Or remember what it said.”

“Tools?” 

Thomas looked up from the drawer and saw Jimmy staring at him like he’d never seen him before. “What?”

“I… just you’re really stressed out about a clock.” 

“It’s a very special clock,” Thomas snapped. “Find the note. I got to get my tools.” 

“Wow, okay, okay,” Jimmy said sounding confused. 

“I’m sorry… I’m just upset about other things but it’s… I kind of love that clock.” 

“You love a clock?”

“Yes.”

“Oh!” Jimmy’s whole face brightened. 

Thomas furrowed his brow. “Oh?”

“Aren’t you going to go get your tools?”

Thomas huffed and found himself striding down the hall and into his room. He opened his nightstand and pulled out the small battered toolbox that took up most of the drawer. When he walked back out, he saw Jimmy sitting on the desk holding a piece of paper. 

“The note.” 

Thomas grabbed the note and read it quickly and frowned. “Clunking…” he grabbed the clock and put it up to his ear again. Nothing. No ticking, no clucking, nothing. “Great…” he huffed. 

“Did I break it more?” Jimmy asked.

Thomas looked up and saw the worry and guilt in his eyes. “I’m not sure. If it was clunking, the next step was not ticking. In the simplest terms. I just… I have to call her.” 

~~~

Thomas disappeared back into his bedroom and Jimmy rushed to the couch and pulled Edward’s journal out from under the cushions. He flipped through it until he found the pages he was looking for. He reread them, the starts and stops, the random notes about Edward’s frustration at getting his idea onto the page. The name Thomas over and over again, with tick, tick, tick, written in smaller script right over his name. He flipped until found the last poem, it wasn’t the final poem. There were more notes about the concept, there was more random notes and a lot of frustration about how he wasn’t personifying Thomas correctly. But at the end of it all there was a sketch of a clock. Jimmy studied it for a moment, turned around and walked back to desk. He picked up the clock and held it against Edward’s sketch. 

“What are you doing, put it down,” Thomas voice was behind him.

“I’m not going to toss it again,” Jimmy huffed and put it down. He turned around and saw Thomas was now looking at the blue journal in his hand. Jimmy quickly shut it and started back over to the couch. 

“Why did you pull that out?” 

“What?” Jimmy asked. 

“Jimmy.”

“I remembered a poem, one that was given him fits.”

Thomas looked confused and a bit pained. He opened his mouth but then shut and shook his head. “I’m not ready… what does it have to do with the clock?”

“I can tell you, if you want me too,” Jimmy said. “I still don’t feel all that comfortable reading his…”

“I want you to read it. I just… give me the barebones.” 

“Apparently, he was aware you love that clock.” 

“Oh,” Thomas blushed. “Yeah, I guess he knew that.” 

“Yeah… there was a sketch. Did you know he could draw?”

Thomas shook his head. “No.” 

“He’s good,” Jimmy said. “Want to…”

“No…. I really need to fix the clock.”

“Why do you love it?” 

“You’ll think I’m daft.”

“I already think your daft,” Jimmy laughed. 

Thomas picked up the clock and brought it up to the kitchen island. “This is the best place to fix it.” 

“You really know how to fix it?”

“Um, yeah.”

“How?”

“What?” Thomas gave him a weird look. 

“Thomas?” 

“My father taught me, when I was younger and well, I kept up with it a bit, over the years. If it was clunking and not totally stopped, I definitely could fix it. Not sure right now, might need to refresh myself on a few things. Been awhile since I tinkered with a clock.” 

“You know, I’m just noticing how many clocks are in this flat…” 

Thomas laughed. 

“And your watches… So, what is it, your dad a clockmaker?”

“You could say that,” Thomas hedged. 

Jimmy watched him open the clock face and take a look inside of it. Thomas focused on the task, he put his fingers inside and tilted his head. “Um… under my bed there are three really thick books. Bring me the one that says Volume Two.” 

“Volume 2?”

“Yeah.”

He walked down the hall and bent down under Thomas’ bed. He saw the books and pulled them out. He stared at them, they looked one part text book and one part manual. He flipped through volume two a bit before he got off the floor and brought it down the hall. 

“Did you go to school for this?”

“Briefly…it didn’t work out.” 

Jimmy looked around. All the clocks in the place drawing him in, as he really looked at them all for the first time. All had hands, none were digital. Even Thomas’ alarm clock wasn’t digital when he thought about it. He looked at the clock, Thomas was focused on and the book. 

“What don’t I know?” 

Thomas looked at him. 

“Thomas?”

“My father kicked me out when I was sixteen.”

“You’ve told me that…”

“I, um… Well, I was in the same high priced boarding school as Philip at the time. Philip brought me home with him. But my father let his father know what sort of person I was… and he caught us kissing. And well, I was thrown out of Philip’s and it was then I realized I couldn't go back to school.” 

“Your father knows Dick’s father?”

“They’re very good friends still from what I’ve heard.” 

“Thomas?”

“I didn’t know what to do… but um Patrick Crawley was my roommate that semester and we weren’t all that close but he was the only person I could think of to call. He was staying with his Uncle during holiday. Sybil’s father.” 

“Yeah?”

“Well… Sybil’s generous nature is from her father. They took me, they paid for me to stay at school.”

Jimmy felt blindsided and he remained completely confused. 

“As soon as I could, I started working, any job I could find. I needed to pay the Crawley’s back, I wasn’t about to take hand outs. I just wasn’t. I never let Philip pay for anything. Ever.” 

“Yeah?”

“I was a good bartender, I started managing places. Edith showed up and offered me the job. It was a job so I took it.” 

“What about the clocks?” 

Thomas laughed. “I got a scholarship, I took a test for it even…for a degree in horology.” 

“That’s clocks?”

“Yes.”

“So why did you stop?”

“My father. He was on the board, he saw my name on a list. He revoked it and had me kicked out.” 

“He what?”

“He doesn’t want me to have anything to do with him. And I quite like it that way too… So, I focused on other things, being a night club manager. It’s just a bit of a hobby still. I just… like clocks.” 

“No, you bloody love clocks. You just told me you love that clock. Edward knew you loved that clock,” Jimmy yelled. “This is what he meant!”

“What?”

“Edward. This is what he meant in his letter about your real dream.”

Thomas sighed. “It’s not that simple.”

“Why not?”

“Jimmy those watches in my room. Those expensive ZEB watches. One of them was my great grandfather’s. I stole it. His name was Zachariah Ethan Barrow. ZEB. My father owns the company, my father is the CLOCK business. I’m locked out.”


	56. Chapter 56

Thomas watched Jimmy trying to process the information. A part of him wasn’t happy to reveal it all. He wanted Jimmy to know, lately he was feeling like he needed Jimmy to know; because it felt wrong to hide anything from him. He wanted Jimmy to know everything about him. But the subject was difficult for him, even more so than Edward — possibly because it was an older wound. Possibly because his life got tossed into a totally different trajectory due to his father’s homophobia and influence on the world around him. 

Jimmy’s mouth was opening and closing. His eyes kept darting around the room and Thomas knew where they were going. All his clocks. All the clocks he couldn’t help buying and fixing. He looked back at Elsie Hughes heirloom and prayed he could fix it for her. He needed to fix it for her, it was her prize possession and it was true he loved it. It was a beautiful piece with a beautiful chime. Melodic and sweet — Jimmy would probably love the sound of it.

“You’re…. You are on level with Dick and the Crawley’s and they all act like you're not?” 

“I was never on Philip’s level in the social hierarchy. As for the rest, I ceased to be when I needed a handout to stay at boarding school. My father made it quite clear I was not to be considered his heir. In fact, he cut off ties with the Crawley’s due to their help.”

Jimmy scowled. 

“It’s fine,” Thomas said but he knew he wasn’t fooling Jimmy. 

“All this time… the watches.” 

Thomas grabbed the book and started flipping through to the page he thought he needed. Jimmy sat down on the stool next to his and watched him. Thomas could feel his eyes on him. Boring into him really, he could feel Jimmy thinking but felt no curiosity as to what it was, because he could feel it — Jimmy was about to explode.

“I’ll punch him in the face.”

Thomas turned to look at him and raised an eyebrow.

Jimmy glared at him. “I’m pissed.”

“I know.”

“Aren’t you?”

“I was… now I guess I’m just used to it. I don’t think about it often, not anymore.” 

Jimmy grabbed his hand and tugged it into him, making Thomas turn fully on the stool to face him. “Why do you love the clock?” 

“You’ll think I’m daft,” he repeated.

“I already do think your daft,” Jimmy countered.

Thomas smiled but shook his head. 

“Come on, try me.” 

Thomas sighed. “All clocks tick differently, if you know how to listen. They all have delicate insides but their strong. The tick and mark the time of the world consistently, constantly, keeping us all on track. This one… when it’s working sounds like rain against a window and when the hour strikes it’s chime is soft, melodic, it’s a quiet ring, like a bell jingled softly by a low breeze. It’s understated but hardworking.” 

“Edward’s not the poet,” Jimmy whispered. 

“Don’t be daft.” 

“It’s not daft… and that’s… You told him this, right?”

“Chances are I did,” Thomas blushed. “It was probably as embarrassing then as it is now.”

Jimmy reached up and touched Thomas’ cheek. “You want this, don’t you? Clocks.” 

Thomas clenched his jaw and shook his head.

“You’re lying.”

“It’s not something I can have.”

“Why not?”

“I told you, my father won’t allow it.”

“How can he stop you from it? He can’t know every clock person in all of England.”

“You’d be surprised and besides I stopped learning, I’m rusty and I’m not even sure I can fix this — so she’s going to have to pay someone too much money to do it for her.” 

“Thomas…”

Thomas pulled his hand free from Jimmy’s. “I need to see if I can do this.” 

He felt Jimmy’s eyes on him and he wanted to turn toward him. He wanted to look at him but he couldn’t. He needed to not talk about it and he knew Jimmy would try to make him. Curiosity and care. It was the care that would hurt, Thomas thought. It was the want he would see in Jimmy’s eyes of knowing more about Thomas and his love of horology. Because he knew Jimmy wanted to know all of him, as much as Thomas wanted to know all of him. Proving his point, Jimmy’s hand landed in his hair and he petted down his head and then pressed against the base of his neck for a long moment. Then he slowly stood up and walked away. 

~~~

Jimmy watched Thomas as he played with his guitar. Not playing anything, not writing anything. He never seen Thomas like this before, it was a whole other side of him. And he seemed to be both more comfortable and more irritated. It was an odd contradiction but not the Dick of Crowborough or Edward brought out this odd tightening of Thomas’ spine. He thought about Edward’s letter and realized what the other man meant, what the other man felt would bring Thomas happiness. But it was clouded. It was clouded by being unloved, misunderstood, and disowned.

When he walked into the flat and found Thomas staring at the clock he felt a bit blindsided. He never seen Thomas so tunnel visioned. He was hyper focused on the clock. Protective and actually angry with Jimmy for forgetting about it. For tossing it — and he hadn’t meant to toss it but his focus been Thomas that day and for good reason. Thomas seemed to understand that, on some level, but for the first time since meeting Thomas a mention of Edward hadn’t thrown him off topic. It was all the clock. 

Sure when Jimmy pulled out the journal Thomas clouded over in the way he did when he missed Edward. But his main focus remained the clock. Then he threw out the curveball of loving the clock. And Jimmy felt the world around him become brighter. He thought about the watches, the alarm clock, he realized the flat held more clocks than was necessary. He remembered he mug he found with I Heart Timepieces. 

Looking around now he spied a stack of magazines on table by the chair he was sitting in. He put down his guitar and picked them up. A few Psychology magazines with Sybil’s name on the cover, a medical journal, a Neuroscience journal. Most of them were Sybil’s but as he reached the bottom of the stack he found two magazines, Horology monthly and one about Grandfather’ clocks. He frowned and pulled one out and started flipping through it. Then he looked back at Thomas. He looked peaceful, he’d fallen into some sort of groove Jimmy thought. Lost in the motions of fixing the clock, there was a small smile on his face and he wondered if Thomas was aware of it. He realized he never seen Thomas look so relaxed. Yet there was a tension that remained in his spine. The love he had for it was tempered by it being stolen from him — unfairly. 

Jimmy thought he couldn’t hate any one more than he hated the Dick of Crowborough. But he hated Thomas father, hated him, more than he ever hated anyone. He hated the man for tossing Thomas out while he was so young, forcing Thomas to live a life he should’n’t have had too — he should have the money all along. He probably own a club already — but no, Jimmy shook his head. Thomas would’ve wanted in the family business, his father threw him out but Thomas wanted the legacy. 

“Fuck him,” Jimmy muttered. 

~~~

Strong hands landed on his shoulders, he felt the press of Jimmy’s body behind him. Both were solid and comforting weight. Thomas eyes fall closed as he realized the sudden touch wasn’t startling, despite how focused he was on the clock in front of him. His hands stilled and he leaned back into Jimmy’s touch. Jimmy tightened his grip on his shoulders and pressed in even closer. His chin on the top of Thomas’ head. 

“You need to take a break, it’s been hours,” he said. 

“Has it?”

“Yeah, you’ve been scarily focused. I made dinner.” 

“What?” Thomas said just as the smell of chicken hit his nostrils. He looked up from the clock and into the kitchen and saw pans and pots in the sink and two plates of food on the counter. 

“Scarily focused,” Jimmy laughed. “Wasn’t even sure this…” he gripped Thomas shoulders. “Would pull you out of your trance.” 

“You always grab my attention,” Thomas mumbled. 

“What was that?” Jimmy laughed in his ear. 

“You heard me…. What did you make?”

“Not much just chicken and broccoli. I’m no chef… that’s Al —“ Jimmy’s hands tensed on Thomas’ shoulder. He immediately reached up with his own hand and grabbed Jimmy’s hand. 

“Let’s eat,” he offered and wished he could help Jimmy stop missing that git. 

Jimmy leaned against him for a moment before he stepped backwards. Thomas started putting away his tools and the wheel and striking barrel he carefully pulled out of the inside. He felt Jimmy eyes watching him as he cleaned everything up and pushed the clock and his toolbox out of his way. A plate and a glass of white wine was pushed in front of him. He watched Jimmy pull his own plate and a beer toward himself. 

“Don’t you want to sit?”

“Want to talk, like doing it face to face,” Jimmy winked at him from across the counter. 

Thomas grinned almost against his will. 

“Can you fix it?” 

“Don’t know but I’m going to try. Hate for her to have spend money on it and it’d be a shame to leave it broken.” 

“It has a nice chime?”

Thomas felt his cheeks heat and felt a stab of irritation. “You made me tell you that.”

“I don’t think your daft… been thinking about clocks all day. You know since I realized I’m surrounded by them.” 

Thomas chuckled. “You weren’t noticing the chimes? You're in here all day?”

“Not all day and yeah, I noticed but… it’s sound right? Sound on cue, I expected to hear them after a few days. It’s like a song that became background music. Probably miss it if it stopped. Which brings me to what I was thinking…”

“Which is?”

“Can I mention Edward’s poem?” Jimmy asked his tone careful.

Thomas tensed but nodded. 

“He was trying to personify you into that clock… but the rhythm was given him trouble. At least that’s what I think the issue was, the metaphors were working. But he couldn’t figure out the clocks song. That’s how he was putting it — and he’s probably right? Right?”

“You’re asking me?” Thomas blinked at him confused. “I would think you’d know song things better than me.”

“But I don’t know clocks and you do.”

Thomas laughed. 

“I’m serious.”

“Was he really trying to make me a clock?”

“Not just a clock, your favorite clock…. I mean it’s over my head. His notes about the poem not working are what gave me the clue to what he was attempting. Think it was a hard idea to make concrete.” 

Thomas felt baffled and he shook his head. 

“But yeah he called it ‘the clock song’ and that was what he kept getting wrong.”

Thomas could hear the chime in his head and thought about how he described it to Jimmy. He glanced behind him and at the guitar and frowned. No it wasn’t a string sound, but he thought about the piano that sat in the other flat unplayed. It’s not a new thought, he thought it when he picked up the clock. Jimmy would like it’s sound. 

“Thomas?”

“You’d like it. The chime, I mean. I think you’d like its sound.” 

“Well, we’ll know when you fix it.”

Thomas looked at the clock and sighed. 

“You can do it.” 

Thomas gave him a look.

“What?”

“And you know this how? You just found out I have a thing for clocks.” 

“You’re good at everything.”

Thomas raised an eyebrow at him.

“What? Okay, your love life sucked but it’s looking up.” Jimmy looked away from as he said it but he was grinning. “But I mean, you make running a night club look easy. You know how to handle paparazzi. And…”

“And?”

“You’re a fantastic kisser.” 

Thomas laughed hard enough he nearly choked on a piece of broccoli. 

Jimmy leaned forward and slapped his shoulder. “Don’t die by broccoli.”

Which sent Thomas into another fit of laughter. When he finally caught his breath he took a sip of his wine and eyed Jimmy. He stared right back at him and Thomas felt his breath catch a bit at the faith he saw shining back. How had he earned that? 

“Don’t know, I just believe if you want something nothing will stop you getting it.” 

“Don’t know about that,” Thomas mumbled his eyes falling on the clock. 

“Also think you get in your own way… like staying with Dick for so long.”

Thomas frowned at him.

“What? He’s a dick.”

Thomas laughed. “It’s not that…” 

“Then what is it?”

“Why do you believe in me so much?”

“Guess it’s because you believe in me.” 

“That’s completely different.”

“No it’s not, sweetheart.”


	57. Chapter 57

“What? He’s a dick.”

Thomas laughed. “It’s not that…” 

“Then what is it?”

“Why do you believe in me so much?”

“Guess it’s because you believe in me.” 

“That’s completely different.”

“No it’s not, sweetheart.” Jimmy dropped his beer, it clunked agains the counter and fell to the floor but he barely noticed. He was too busy looking away from Thomas and he was fairly sure his cheeks were literally on fire, he felt hot and extremely uncomfortable. 

“What?” Thomas’ voice sounded distant and Jimmy made himself look toward him and he was resettling his plate, his chicken somehow got onto the counter. 

“Um…” Jimmy sighed as he realized there was no un-saying it. He didn’t even want to un-say it. He’d been thinking it, more than he meant too, but he never meant to say it out loud. It wasn’t part of their undiscussed plan, whatever that was, but they had lines they didn’t cross. Very strict ones, not that they talked about them. Yet they were there, in place, between them. They were both in a weird spaces right now but Thomas was his safe place and he was Thomas’. They were protecting that but now he’d gone and said that out loud.

“Sweetheart?” Thomas said.

“Uh, yeah…” Jimmy wondered if he’d stop blushing. 

“Sweetheart?” Thomas was staring at him like he’d grown another head. 

“I know, I know crosses our line…”

“There’s that too,” Thomas sputtered and he looked away from him. 

Jimmy sucked in a breath relieved to have the break from Thomas’ eyes and his face. “I…” he couldn’t bring himself to apologize for it though and he felt ridiculous. 

“Why?” Thomas asked and Jimmy found himself looking at him and realized how deeply Thomas was blushing himself. 

“Why what?” 

“Why… sweetheart?”

“I don’t bloody know.” He didn’t, he hadn’t a clue, it was just what popped into his brain sometimes when he looked at Thomas. More than sometimes and he sighed. “It just started to come to mind.” 

“And it’s sweetheart?” 

“What the hell is wrong with sweetheart?”

Thomas kept giving him that look, like Jimmy gone completely insane on him. 

“What?”

“It’s just… no one’s ever call me sweet.”

“Well, maybe they just don’t know you well enough,” Jimmy snapped. 

“That’s daft.”

“You do realize, you’ve been nothing but sweet to me… and On me for that matter.” 

“On you?” 

“You want me.”

“We both know that.”

“All I mean.” 

“I’m not, it’s not… you shouldn’t be calling me anything.”

“I know that. We’re not…”

“…There…”

“Yet.” 

They looked at each other both annoyed they’d just completed each other's sentences. Thomas sat back down on the stool and gave Jimmy a long assessing look. Jimmy met it back, he felt like he knew what Thomas was thinking. It was probably a pretty easy guess. 

“I don’t know what to do about the club,” Thomas said. 

“I feel on more even ground but I need to know I’ll stay there…” Jimmy sighed. “Though…”

“What?”

“You’re pretty essential to the even ground.”

Thomas smiled but he looked away. Jimmy nearly laughed at his sudden disappointment. Less than a minute ago he’d been relieved when Thomas looked away. He took in a steadying breath, the initial embarrassment ebbing away, his eyes following Thomas’ gaze. It landed on the clock, Jimmy felt all the new information he learned about Thomas today roll through him. He wanted to bring it up, say something about the clocks again but the last thing he needed to do was push Thomas on it — It was a wound, he wasn’t blind, he knew Thomas’ face when something hurt him deeply. And this, this was deeper than even Edward. 

“I should’ve told you sooner,” Thomas said his gaze swinging back to Jimmy.

“Told me what?”

“About my father, the clocks… It’s not like chances never came up. They did.” 

“I know. But…” Jimmy laughed. “We just met.” 

“I know, I do, but…”

“Yeah, I know.”

Thomas nodded. 

“You’ve been pretty tightlipped on the club thing, you know,” Jimmy pressed. He glanced at the clock, he wanted to push him to open up more about his love for horology but he knew it wasn’t the time. He laughed at the thought, time, he rolled his eyes. 

“Jimmy?”

“Sorry, just…” he laughed again. “Time. You and I have a timing problem.”

Thomas nodded and his eyes went back to the clock. 

Jimmy clenched his jaw and reached over the counter. He put his hand over Thomas’ to get his attention back on him. “The club?”

Thomas sighed. “It was my grand plan. I came up with it, with Philip. It… it was part revenge. I wanted to make the kind of money that would get his attention. My father. I wanted notoriety that he couldn’t ignore. A part of me hope every time my face and name makes it into print he knows about it and it bothers him. To see his gay son garnering attention. I never focused on it, but it was there, a fleeting through my thoughts. Though, it’s been less and less over the years. I wanted it for me, more and more. Even when I admitted to Edward about the clocks… “ Thomas sighed. “I want it, maybe it took up too much of my time. But I wanted to get Betwixt as renowned as it is, and I wanted to make all the contacts I have and all the good business relationships I have created. I did it. All of it.” 

Jimmy watched Thomas shake his head. “I don’t know why I stopped caring? Or even when I stopped caring. Emma asked me if it was you, but…”

“But?”

“You aren’t why? You just showed me the problem. Does that make sense?”

“Maybe?”

“I was going through the motions Jimmy. Get up, go to work, spend time with Philip, finish up my degree. It was a habit. It wasn’t a life. There was nothing — It was all laid out and I thought it was working perfectly. Then you walked in.” 

“Oh, now we are blaming me?” Jimmy laughed.

“No… but you woke me up. You woke me out of my routine. Made everything thing feel different and so I looked at it differently. I started putting me before Philip. Me before the club… Edward,” Thomas closed his eyes. “Edward could make me take breaks, short breaks, I was too intent on succeeding then and I think succeeding became my only focus after he… after him. I fell into a rut, somewhere along the line the club became what I did and not what I wanted — but I don’t know when and I’m not sure why.” 

“Do you want it back? Caring about the club?”

“I don’t know… I guess it’s what I need to figure out on this break.” 

Jimmy squeezed his hand. “You will.” 

“What? No sweetheart?” Thomas winked. 

“Fuck off,” Jimmy laughed 

“Sorry.” He was laughing but Jimmy saw the shy look in his eyes before he averted his gaze. 

Jimmy felt an intense urge to touch him because of it and he let go of his hand, only because he had too, and walked around the counter. Thomas stood up and turned to him, right toward as if he known Jimmy was going to step into his space. He did know, Jimmy thought, of course he knew. He lifted a hand up and touched Thomas’ cheek, the perfect amount of stubble on his cheek — had been there for days. Thomas was doing it for him, he knew it. It made him question their limbo with each other and all their stated and unstated rules. But he wasn’t ready to challenge it and there was one thing he was allowed to do, he put his arms around Thomas neck and leaned up to kiss him. 

“Jimmy…” It was an argument that died the second their lips touched, instantly Thomas hand was on the back of his neck and his mouth opening up for him. He told him he was a fantastic kisser earlier and it wasn’t a lie. Jimmy was quite sure he was addicted to it and he knew maybe he shouldn’t be kissing right now. Some small part of him knew why Thomas spent all of two seconds trying to argue against it. But they could do this and he wanted do it, he needed to do it. 

Thomas hand fell to his hip and used his weight to turn him. Jimmy felt his back hit the edge of the counter and he instinctively hopped up onto his, Thomas moving between his legs, leaning down and over him. His hands found Thomas’ face and in turn his fingers went into his hair. He could feel the drag of Thomas’ stubble and the softness of his tongue. His stomach flipped, flipped like it did the first time and the last time and this time. He hoped it never stopped. 

Thomas mouth was dragging across his jaw and Jimmy yanked at the shirt he was wearing, pulling at buttons until fell free and he shoved it off his shoulders. Then his mouth was back on Thomas’ mouth and he felt Thomas’ hand on his spine, traveling it up it the way he did to soothe him but his purpose was different now. Jimmy broke away only long enough to get his own shirt off of Thomas. 

They wouldn’t go further, somehow they never did, but it was always tempting, so tempting. Jimmy felt himself leaning back and back, Thomas tongue was licking up his Adam’s apple. He heard a noise leave his throat and then Thomas laughing against his skin before he kissed him again. 

Neither of them heard the door open but they did hear it slam shut. Jimmy sat up straight on the counter and Thomas stood straight and turned toward the door. Sybil and Branson stood just inside the room. Branson eyes were darting everywhere but at them. Sybil was glaring at them, she looked extremely irritated. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be at work,” Thomas said to Branson.

Jimmy kicked his butt. 

“What?”

“Vacation.”

Thomas sighed. 

“Shouldn't you two get a room?” Sybil said.

“We’re in my room, technically,” Jimmy offered. 

“Really? When was the last time you slept on the couch?” Sybil asked, raising an eyebrow.

“We fell asleep talking.”

“We were talking…” Thomas glanced at Jimmy. 

“I… I can’t. I just can’t with you two. CAN’T. Branson wait here.” 

“Sybil, don’t leave me with them.”

“It’ll just be a moment.”

Branson took a few steps after her as she stalked toward her room. But stopped, put his hands in his pockets and continued not to look at them. Jimmy started to slide off the counter, but Thomas turned and pinned him down by his hips. 

“What you doing?”

“Um, nothing?” 

“That’s right,” Thomas leaned down, his lips touching his ear as he spoke. “They’re leaving soon.” 

“Oh.”

“No reason to stop,” Thomas kissed his jaw. 

“He’s watching you know,” Jimmy cared his hand through Thomas’ hair.

“He’s looking at the ceiling,” Thomas laughed against his skin. 

“Oh. You two couldn’t have waited ONE MINUTE,” Sybil yelled. “I swear to you they’ll both insist they aren’t dating if we were bother to ask. Which I am not going to do, come on Tom…”

Jimmy found himself laughing into Thomas’ neck as the door slammed shut.


	58. Chapter 58

Thomas leaned back in his seat and enjoyed his view. Jimmy was singing on the small stage, keeping the attention of another large audience. But Thomas had the best seat from where he sat with Daisy and Ivy. But he barely noticed them, all his attention was on Jimmy. He was rapt. He brought a beer to his mouth and took a long drink. Jimmy was nearing the end of his show and Thomas felt in a hurry for it to end. The crowd burst in applause and a few cheers as Jimmy finished a song — another original that seemed to have connected with the audience. Jimmy looked toward him and he nodded, because he known they’d love it. How couldn’t they? Jimmy was golden. Thomas finished his beer and pushed it close to the edge of the table. Within seconds a waitress dropped off another mugful for him. 

He leaned back in the chair more, feeling a bit lazy, focusing on Jimmy. Jimmy started up another song, a cover of someone but Thomas didn’t know it but it didn’t much matter. Jimmy could probably sing him the weather and he’d find it fascinating. Thomas glanced at the crowd around the stage, me and women, all watching, most with their full attention. Only a few seemed to be chatting with their friends and not paying full attention to the man they’d come to see. Thomas frowned a bit, as he looked at the men and women who moved as near to the stage as they could get. He wondered who they were, why the loved Jimmy — the songs, the voice, the guitar, or his face? Thomas eyes flew back to Jimmy. He was looking right at him and winked the minute Thomas’ eyes met his own. Thomas grinned and shook his head. 

He saw five heads turn around, five people looking right at him and he realized they wanted to know who Jimmy winked at. He laughed at that and let his attention back to the man of the hour. He was popular, he was increasingly popular and Thomas was waiting for the show to drop. He was waiting for someone to come out of the woodwork and tell Jimmy they could make him a star. 

And Thomas would be there to make sure whoever was doing the asking wasn’t going to try screw Jimmy over. He thought it should’ve happened by now and was rather pissed off on Jimmy’s behalf that it hadn’t. Where the hell were the people who should be capitalizing on his talent and on his popularity. The owner of the Pixie seen that Jimmy was a cash cow, he told Thomas as much — he was losing customers, he needed a new draw but hadn’t been able to find one. He was thanking his lucky stars Jimmy decided to walk into his pub. 

Luck. It was luck, he thought. Luck Jimmy was at Betwixt. Luck Jimmy lived next door. Luck that they met. Luck that they got along. Luck. So much luck. Thomas sighed, though and twisted the beer mug, watched the liquid move a bit. Jimmy was singing and his voice felt like it was in Thomas’ mind. It wasn’t word, it was the tone of his voice, lower key, lower register and Thomas looked up suddenly and found Jimmy looking right at him. Again. But it was different and Thomas eyes widened, he licked his lips and Jimmy seemed to stare at him harder. Thomas wondered how he could pin Thomas to the ground like that, while singing and playing the guitar. He shifted in his seat, feeling the intensity of Jimmy’s stare and the full force of his attraction to him. 

Jimmy moved too and nearly knocked over his microphone. He had to stop playing to grab it. Instantly joking about his klutziness and going right back into the song. Thomas mouth curved up into a smug grin, as Jimmy shot him an accusing stare. He shrugged and Jimmy stuck his tongue out at him during a pause in the song. 

“I’m going to be sick,” Ivy muttered from next to him. 

Thomas glanced at her and noted she was on a second or third cocktail but she didn’t seem green or anything. Either way he wanted her away from him if she was going to get sick. Ivy met his gaze and rolled her eyes. 

“It’s sickening,” she sighed. 

“What?”

“Him and you. The flirting, the sexual tension… I didn’t even know people could flirt across a room. You two might as well be fucking.” She took a long gulp of her drink. “It’s disgusting. I’m jealous. I hate you. KILL ME NOW…” Ivy dramatically dropped her face onto the table. 

Thomas stared at her in horror and then looked over her head at Daisy.

“While dramatic, she has a point.” 

Thomas rolled his eyes and went back to watching Jimmy. That was the plan, the problem was there was a person blocking his perfect view. A blonde, in a trendy black dress, who stood there like she belonged there. When she definitely didn’t… He glared at her. “Move out the way,” he snapped. 

“Not until I get a quote,” she gave him a toothy grin and he smelled the ambition pouring off of her. 

“No chance.” 

“Oh come on, Thomas? Can I call you Thomas?” She sat down in a chair. 

“No.”

“Fine, Mr. Barrow… let me ask a few questions.”

“No.”

“Maybe the ladies, then?”

“No,” Thomas and Daisy said in unison. 

“She doesn’t have a camera does she?” Ivy voice was muffled.

“I don’t, love, want to give me a quote?”

Ivy looked up, Thomas glared at her. “Not allowed it seems. Nice dress, though.” 

“Thank you. At least someone at this table is polite. Mr. Barrow, come on the world is hungry for information. Just give me something to whet their attention more.” 

Thomas rolled his eyes. 

“Guess, I’ll just have to make something up.”

“Like you weren’t going to be doing that anyway,” Thomas laughed at her. 

“Then put the truth on the record.”

“What truth?” 

“Are you two an item or not?”

“No comment.”

“They are so an item,” Ivy blurted out.

“Ivy!” Daisy slapped her hand over her mouth. Thomas appreciated the gesture but it was too late. 

“She’s drunk and that was not a quote,” Thomas reached out and grabbed the phone in the woman’s hand. 

“Hey,” she lunged for her phone. Thomas though, from years of dealing with these things, quickly stopped and erased everything she had recorded. Then he handed it back.

“Arsehole,” she shouted at him and stomped away on designer heals, he was pretty sure she couldn’t afford.

“Daisy I can’t breathe.”

“Sorry, Ivy,” Daisy sighed. “Wouldn’t giving them a quote be easier?”

“No. They’d just twist it anyway, let them make up their little conspiracy theories.” 

“Why not just ell the the truth,” Ivy asked and she was staring at him. “I mean you two are an item.”

“No, we’re not.”

“I’m not even that stupid,” she said and poked him in the chest twice. “Nope. Not falling for that.” 

Thomas glared at her for lack of anything to say or do. He wasn’t discussing the strangeness of his relationship with Jimmy with the girl who still had a crush on him. 

“Can have him, blink your stupid long lashes, and lick your lips and be all MALE… and just have him. And what do I get, I get LITTLE SISTER…” she tossed up her hands. 

“Christ she’s a lightweight,” Thomas snapped at Daisy.

“I never should have let her have a second drink,” Daisy sighed. “Ivy, come one, you need to splash your face with water and then drink some.”

“No, want hear the last song… It’s soon.”

“Nope,” Daisy pulled her from her seat. 

Thomas watched them disappear into the crowd and re-stationed himself in his seat. His eyes fell on Jimmy just as he looked up from his guitar and toward him. Jimmy grinned widely and with a slight move of his head asked what the hell was going on. Thomas mouthed later at him and watched impatience flicker across Jimmy’s expression. Thomas drank some his beer and settled into the seat as Jimmy shifted into his last song. Only someone else sat down in chair the reporter left behind. This time it was a man, older than Thomas, but in a trendy suit and he oozed confidence. 

Thomas raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Mr. Barrow is it?” 

“Maybe.”

“My sources — that would be the crowd, tell me you’re Thomas Barrow.”

“Really?”

“They don’t know who the women are, but I have a feeling it’s your I want to speak with.”

“And why would that’d be?”

“I’m Malcolm Archer, I work for Pipeline Records.” 

“Is that supposed to impress me?” he asked with a small glance toward Jimmy. 

“We’re a smaller label, looking for a good musicians to help get our name noticed. Might be able to be mutually beneficial for you and your… _friend._ ” 

“That so?”

“He’s quite talented.” 

“He is,” Thomas said carefully. 

“Popular… And I do have to say he is even better than youtube led me to believe.” 

“He is that.” 

“I want a meeting.” 

“Why are bringing this to me? Shouldn’t you be talking to Jimmy?”

The man raised an eyebrow and looked behind him at the stage and around the crowd of people. “I’m not a stupid person, Mr. Barrow.”

Thomas kept his expression neutral.

“I don’t make impulsive decisions. I lied before, I know exactly who you are Mr. Barrow. I’ve been researching the phenomenon that is Jimmy Kent. He’s charismatic and can back it up with talent. He’s also young, undisciplined and was a bit of train wreck. And The Pixie here might be where he’s getting a bit of money. But we both know that wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t been seen at your club, Mr. Barrow.“

“And?”

“And, my research on the club manager of Betwixt told me that Thomas Barrow as a workaholic and a task master.”

“It’s not a lie.”

“Yet, you’re here.”

“I am.”

“I could go up to Mr. Kent. Give him my card and my sale pitch.”

Thomas nodded. 

“But he won’t do a thing without your opinion.” 

Thomas grinned.

“You’re a business man, Mr. Barrow. I’m one too. He’s the talent. I want him. So, I’m skipping a step…” his hand went into the inside pocket of his suit jacket and he put down folded up pieces of paper. “Everything you need to know about Pipeline and first draft of a contract. Look it over, Mr. Barrow.” He stood up and walked away. 

Thomas leaned forward and pulled the papers toward himself. He skimmed through them and found exactly what he’d been told would be there. He looked up at the stage, only to see Jimmy walking toward him. He grinned at the sight of him and looked down at the contract. Jimmy slid into Ivy’s chair and moved it closer to Thomas. Thomas grinned at him, Jimmy cocked his head toward the papers. 

“Busy night at this table,” he laughed. “What’s that?”

“A contract.”

“A contract? For what?”

Thomas laughed. 

“What?”

“For you.”

“What?”

“Scout for a record company.”

“You’re kidding?”

“Jimmy I wouldn’t joke about your career.”

“Why did he talk to you…I…” he grabbed the papers. Thomas watched him read them through, his blue eyes were shiny from the excitement, but a furrow grew between his eyes as he read. “What the hell language is this thing in? Is it good?” he shoved the papers back at Thomas. 

“I need to give it a real read, but it’s legit, Jimmy.” 

Jimmy stared at him for a long beat, then his face broke up in a huge smile and he grabbed Thomas’ face and kissed him. Thomas laughed into Jimmy’s mouth as he kissed him back. He was aware of cameras flashing all around them but it bothered him little. Jimmy sighed as they broke apart and kept his hand on Thomas’ neck. “Why do I forget they’re all watching our every move?”

“Good that, don’t want to let the dictate.”

“No, no… just… another article about our grand romance.”

Thomas shrugged. 

“It doesn’t bother you?” Jimmy asked his tone careful.

“Why would it?” Thomas asked him.

Jimmy gave him a look.

“Yes, I prefer my privacy and our grand romance is all rumor. It’s fine.” 

“Is that really a contract in your hand.”

“Yes.”

“So, I could have a record deal?”

“No.”

“No?”

“Not as simple as that. I’m reading it through and it’s just the first one. And word might get out there is one, and bring in more. You aren’t agreeing to anything right away.” 

“Going to protect me, huh?”

Thomas blushed.

“Guess that suit knew what he was doing, bypassing me.” 

“He’s smart. And he knows it. But it’s about what he can or can’t offer. It’s not good enough…” Thomas folded up the contract and shoved it into his pants pocket. 

“What do you know about the music business,” Jimmy teased him.

“I know business.”

“Yeah, you do…” Jimmy reached over and grabbed Thomas beer. Thomas watched him drink what was left of it. Jimmy winked at him and leaned forward, stopping just short of kissing him again. Thomas bumped their kenes and foreheads together and met Jimmy’s eyes. 

“I don’t care about it, not really, but prefer kissing you in private.” 

“That can be arrange.”

“ARGH DAISY. They’re doing it again but closer. I wanna die.” Ivy slumped down in the seat across from Thomas. 

“Ivy, don’t be melodramatic,” Jimmy laughed, but he gave her a fond look.

“I’ll never find love,” she whined. 

Jimmy and Daisy nodded together as Daisy sat back down in her seat. “Ivy, can it,” she said.

But Jimmy looked at Thomas. “She’s just being a drama queen.”

“Oh, I am, am I… you’re the show off, Jimmy Kent.”

Thomas watched Jimmy glance back at her. “Melodrama is your middle name.” 

“And Look-At-Me is yours…”

Thomas looked between them and found himself smiling. Mostly because Jimmy was grinning in a way he hadn’t seen before, Jimmy was happy to have her back in his life. He met Daisy’s eyes for a second and she nodded, grinning at the two of them as well. Then Jimmy turned back to Thomas, getting in closer again and stared at his mouth and then up into his eyes. 

“I want to go home.”

Thomas nodded.


	59. Chapter 59

Jimmy woke up in what was becoming an all too familiar position. Wrapped around Thomas. His nose against the nape of Thomas’ neck, legs tangled and an arm thrown around his waist. He inhaled and closed his eyes again and fell back into a light sleep. Thomas moved, slightly, but it was enough to wake Jimmy up again and he tighten his arm instinctively around him. He kept his eyes closed and breathed. Wake up more and more which was the last thing he wanted to do. He wanted to stay here, like this and he didn’t want to let go, or move off the bed and meet Thomas’ eyes. 

Because when he looked at Thomas first thing in the morning it was getter harder and harder to not tell him. I love you. Jimmy inhaled at the thought and tried to push it away. But it was impossible when he was half asleep and Thomas was right there in front of him. Pale, skin and dark hair, smelling like winter. 

Sybil’s voice rang in his head. One of her many cracks about the fact Jimmy wasn’t sleeping on the couch. He always meant to end up there, but chances were if he did, Thomas was with him. He sighed and ended up feeling Thomas’ skin against his lips. But last night he hadn’t even thought about the couch, not even an idle thought, to keep up appearances. The truth was they stumbled in the door, already kissing. In fact they’d started kissing before the left The Pixie and they hadn’t stopped until they fell asleep. 

Jimmy was wearing his jeans and Thomas was too — because that’s what happened. Their shirts would get torn off and they kiss, jaws, necks and once on the bed chests and mouths. They’d rut and Jimmy always found himself on top of Thomas staring down into smoky gray eyes and wondering how he was so fucking gorgeous. He never got an answer, he thought maybe it was unanswerable and he might have whispered it once because he was sure he’d heard Thomas argue that it was him that was too beautiful. 

More kissing, petting, touching but the minute one of them reached to possible start unzipping and unfastening pants, they would stall out, breathing heavy and beyond aroused. They would bump heads and stare right into the other until their breath slowed, then it was lazy and lazy conversation. Until they fell asleep… 

And Jimmy would wake up wrapped around him. On his bed, or on the couch, but usually the bed. It was more comfortable after all. And he didn’t want to wake up, he didn’t want to have that moment where they stood up and looked at each other and decided to keep up up the line. 

They aren’t together. Not yet. Not now. No ready. 

Jimmy was starting to wonder when? When was it? When would they know? Did he know? He closed his eyes tighter and press into Thomas’ body. His heart hammering, his past experiences rising up and not matching what he felt now but how could they… He’d been drunk, with men it was all rushed and quick. Get it over with before he sobered up. Jimmy sighed and wished he hadn’t run from it so hard he’d have a better grasp of what he was feeling now. He wanted experiences with other men that weren’t fuzzed up by alcohol. But the mere thought of being with anyone not Thomas made his skin crawl. 

He felt Thomas move again and knew he was waking up. Jimmy let out a disappointed sigh as he felt Thomas shift and move. Until they were facing each other and here it was. The first look of mutual _Yeah, we fell asleep on your bed again._

Thomas was half asleep though when their eyes met and his hand grazed Jimmy’s cheek, then his thumb was on Jimmy’s bottom lip. His eyes following his movements before he met his eyes again. “Hey,” he said sleepily.

“Hey,” Jimmy said. 

“What time is it?”

“You tell me,” he chuckled. “Your alarm clock of doom has so far been blissfully silent.”

Thomas gave him a knowing smile. “It has to sound horrible, what else is the point of an alarm clock.”

“A less jarring buzz works fine.”

“But does it make you leap out of bed to shut it down?”

“I should’ve known you were a clock person after our first argument about this.” 

Thomas laughed and Jimmy saw the moment when he truly woke up. He sighed and caressed his cheek again. “Here we are,” he whispered. 

“Here we are,” Jimmy repeated and he held his breathe. This was when one of them, or both of them, would pull away. They would both find their way to their feet and exchange the look. The look that said, yes we did sleep in the same bed, again, but it doesn’t change anything. That look and Jimmy wasn’t feeling it right now. He didn’t want to see it, he didn’t want to give it. He felt the hand that found it’s way to the back of Thomas’ neck tighten its hold. 

“Let’s stay here,” Thomas whispered. 

Jimmy eyes darted from his hand to Thomas’ gaze. He stared into those gray eyes and his mouth twitched up into a small grin. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Thomas whispered. 

Jimmy nodded and he felt Thomas’ hand push into his hair and his closed. He felt it, he knew it, but he still felt his insides flip when Thomas’ lips brushed against his and he wished for that to always be. It was lazy and slow, but Jimmy was pressing into Thomas and against him. Then he was over him and they were grinning at each other. Thomas hand behind his neck, pressing his palm against his skin, pulling him down for another kiss and another kiss. Jimmy maneuvered over him, thighs between thighs and he closed his eyes and licked Thomas’ bottom lip. 

When the alarm blared eight minutes later, hundreds of lazy kisses later, they both fell into a fit of giggles as Thomas nearly threw Jimmy off the bed, as he rolled toward the table it was sat on. He grabbed it and silenced and continued his roll so he was over Jimmy. Jimmy stared up at him and grinned. Thomas bent down to kiss him but the door flew open. 

“I made breakfast. Up and at them Lovebirds,” Sybil barked at them. 

Jimmy rolled back onto his back and Thomas sat up on his elbows glaring at Sybil. “You don’t know how to knock?”

“Why would I knock?”

“We could’ve been naked.”

“Oh, please, you two are too invested in your not being _together_ to be naked.” 

Jimmy laughed at her use of air quotes.

Thomas switched from glaring at her to glaring at him. He grinned at him though until his whole face softened and he fell back down flat on the bed. They heard Sybil disappear down the hall. They turned their heads to face each other and Jimmy dreaded what was about to happen. That look, that look was about to happen. 

“We should look at that contract?” Thomas said. 

“What?” 

“The contract,” Thomas chuckled at him. “I don’t believe you forgot about it.” 

“No, of course not, are you daft?” Jimmy shook his head.

“We should look it over,” 

“We? You mean you look it over and tell what’s up.”

“No, I mean we do. You need to know how to read them. This won’t be the only one.”

“You really think it’s just the first?” Jimmy asked.

“Bloody better be,” Thomas said and Jimmy felt dazed by his belief in him. “Come on,” Thomas rolled out of the bed. 

Jimmy followed him to his feet and down the hallway. Thomas went to his desk, where he’d dropped the contract the second they’d walked into the room. He unfolded it and sat down next to Branson at the counter. Sybil put the I Heart Timepieces mug full of coffee down in front of him. Jimmy made his way into the kitchen and took the blue mug she handed him. He put it down though and leaned toward Thomas across the counter. 

“It good?”

“How would I bloody know?” Thomas laughed. “I need to research the music industry.” 

“What’s this?” Sybil asked.

“Apparently some guy from a record company offered me a contract last night,” Jimmy said.

“Pipeline Records,” Thomas said as he read the paperwork. 

“It legit?” Sybil asked.

“It is that,” Thomas said. 

“Impressive, congratulations Jimmy,” Branson said.

“Thanks, man.”

“It’s just the beginning,” Thomas said. “This seems basic, it might be saying they get rights to your songs…” he frowned. “But I need to look into it more.” 

“What, you’re going to be his manager?” Branson laughed.

“Of course he is,” Jimmy said.

“Of course I am.” Thomas rolled his eyes. 

“Duh, Tom,” Sybil said looking at Tom like he was daft. 

“Oh,” Tom looked between Thomas and Sybil. 

“What?” Sybil asked laughing.

“What about Betwixt?”

Jimmy glared at the man and Sybil shook her head at him, her eyes wide and her expression saying _you idiot._ After a beat Jimmy looked at Thomas only to find his head down and reading the contract. He felt Sybil’s gaze fall on Thomas. There was another beat of time and he and Sybil exchanged a glance before their eyes fell onto Thomas once again. 

“I might not e going back to Betwixt,” Thomas said as he flipped a page in the contract. 

Sybil spilled her coffee, Branson jumped up as it poured over the counter onto his lap. “Sorry, sorry,” she muttered but her eyes were on Thomas. But suddenly Jimmy felt an elbow in his rib and she was glaring at him. He met her glare with blank eyes because he was blindsided too. She cocked her head toward Thomas. He glared at her. She glared back. He wasn’t going to win. 

“Um, what?” Jimmy said. 

“You knew that was a distinct possibility,” Thomas said not looking up from the contract. 

“Well, yeah but a slim one,” Jimmy said. 

Thomas looked up then and met his eyes. Jimmy shook his head slightly. 

“Is it that surprising?” Thomas asked. 

“Well, yes,” Branson said. “As an employee it’s very surprising.”

“Really?” Sybil said. “Really? I just…I know…” she stammered. “I thought it take more than a vacation to put that thought in your head.” 

“It did,” Thomas told her before going back to the contract. Jimmy watched him and then his eyes went over Thomas’ shoulder. The clock was on his desk, the toolbox next to it and Edward’s journal next to it. They left them all there yesterday before they left for The Pixie. Jimmy watching Thomas working on the clock, while reading about Edward watching him work on the clock. Thomas lost in the clock, more and more sure as he went he could fix it. Jimmy looked back at Thomas, who glanced up as if he knew Jimmy was looking. 

“Are you…” Jimmy started to ask.

“No.” Thomas said quickly, too quickly. 

Jimmy frowned. 

“I just think I have to deeply consider leaving behind Betwixt and all related plans.”

“What was Jimmy asking about?”

“Nothing,” they both said their eyes meeting. Jimmy would keep it quiet, he wouldn’t say anything out loud to anyone about Thomas wanted to do something with clocks. He really couldn’t he realized, because he wasn’t really sure what Thomas wanted to do in relation to horology. Was it make clocks like the one he was trying to fix? Was it design watches which was what was ZEB was most known for? Was it run the family business? Or antique shop? Jimmy frowned as even with his limited knowledge there seemed to be a wealth of possibilities. He watched Thomas, who gone back to reading the contract and he wished he could offer him more back. Thomas was going to watch out for him business wise — what Thomas didn’t know about the music industry, he would figure out. But not only that, he would be sure Jimmy figured it out too… 

Taking care of him and Jimmy felt like he could never give Thomas back half of what Thomas gave him. He sighed as he dug into the scrambled eyes that appeared in front of him with a fork stuck out of it. Thomas looked up at the sound and Jimmy forced a small smile, which made Thomas eyes narrow. “It’s nothing.”

Thomas attention shifted completely to Jimmy. Intense eyes pinned Jimmy where he sat and he leaned forward his eyes questioning. Jimmy picked up his mug and drank a gulp of lukewarm coffee. He shook his head at Thomas, it wasn’t anything, it wasn’t. He tried to convey that but Thomas knew him and Jimmy was realizing the downside of that. 

“Don’t,” he said and willed Thomas with a look to drop it. 

Thomas shook his head slightly but then nodded. “For now,” he murmured before he bent his head back down to study the contract.


	60. Chapter 60

Thomas glanced up at Jimmy as he leaned on his hands on the opposite of the counter. It was a split second because he needed to be focused on the work he was doing for Elsie’s clock, but he could never deny himself a peek at Jimmy’s face. Jimmy looked tense, an expression that shifted over him during breakfast and apparently was staying etched onto the curves of his face. 

“Is something wrong?” he asked carefully.

“You mean it?” 

Thomas glanced up again confused. “Generally, when I ask questions I mean them.”

“Not that. What you said about Betwixt?”

“Secret confession?” he asked, stalling his work so he could look right at Jimmy. “Didn’t know I was serious about the thought until I spoke it. It just slid right off me tongue. Wasn’t expecting that, I wasn’t, but it’s true enough.”

“It this?” Jimmy lightly tapped the clock.

Thomas felt his spine tense and he bowed his head down to focus on the clock. It was quiet for a long time, no a sound in the flat but the click on the tools Thomas was using. Thomas glanced up and saw Jimmy studying, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. He stopped instantly the second their eyes met. 

“Why not?”

“I’ve told you,” Thomas said. 

“What if…”

“What ifs aren’t reality.”

“Fucking go with me,” Jimmy snapped.

Thomas stopped what he was doing and looked up at him again. There was a tension in his shoulders which had him frowning. He stood up and walked around the counter and put his hands on Jimmy’s shoulders. Jimmy sighed and melted into him, before tensing suddenly and spinning around. He pinned Thomas with a stare.

“Fine. What if what?”

“What if you didn’t need to worry about your father, what would you do when it came to clocks?” 

“That’s…a big question,” Thomas felt himself tense again but Jimmy’s hands landed on his shoulders, near his neck and squeezed. And he was looking right at him with those dark blue eyes, so intense and focused, on him. Thomas felt his cheeks heat up a bit and he closed his eyes to center himself and remind himself that he was meant to talk right now. But he was distracted by an urge to kiss Jimmy — but he shouldn’t. He’d been giving into kissing him too often lately. Been caught up in how he felt and ignoring their boundaries. 

“Thomas?” Jimmy whispered and he wasn’t sure if he was being hurried to speak or if it was Jimmy wanting the kiss. Opening his eyes and meeting Jimmy’s he couldn’t tell. He was being stared at, he was Jimmy’s singular focused. It felt good. 

“I want the company. I want ZEB. I grew up the offices. My great grandfather didn’t die until I was eight. Then it was Granddad and Dad. I was there all the time, because I lost my mother. I was always there and I loved it all. All of it. I mean I didn’t get the business side, but I saw the creative processes, I learned how to build watches and grandfather clocks. Those were my favorite, and we collected antiques. We made our modern versions of them all. I wanted it, it was always the plan. I mean the business degree, that was always my plan. It just took longer than originally planned and just switched out businesses.” 

Thomas sighed as he finished, he fell into Jimmy’s touch, eyes closing and the wish, the fantasy, of being able to run the business that was by all rights his to own felt thick in his throat. It was like he could taste it. He hadn’t admitted that out loud in years. Not to anyone. Not Philip. Not Sybil. Not Edward. He leaned his head against Jimmy’s temple. “But I can’t have it.” 

Jimmy arms wrapped around him and Thomas felt his lips against his cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be… Grandfather clocks. I always wanted to make Grandfather clocks. They were always my favorites, always.” 

“Why not then?” Jimmy stepped back and met his eyes. His hand landed on Thomas neck, thumb stroking skin. “Why not use your know how and the money you’ve got saved and do it?”

Thomas laughed. “I don’t have that much money saved.” 

“You have enough you’re thinking about quitting. No way you’re doing that without a bubble.”

Thomas laughed. “It’s a lot, but is meant to be going into a club. Not a shop.” 

“Why not change it?”

“I don’t have… the tools, or the full know how. And there is no one who would teach me.” 

“Thomas…”

“No,” he snapped.

Jimmy tensed and his hand dropped to his side. He looked away from Thomas and shook his head. “I’m sorry, I just…”

Thomas grabbed his hands and squeezed them until Jimmy looked at him again. He smiled. “I’m sorry, it’s just it’s hard subject. I never… I never talk about this. I talk about Edward more than I talk about this.”

Jimmy nodded at him. “I know, I just… I want you do what is going to make you happy.” 

“I know, but sometimes you just don’t get it.” 

Jimmy shook his head. “Not for you. You should get it.”

Thomas felt his cheeks heat up, he felt the want soaring inside his chest again and he stepped into Jimmy’s space. He looked down and into those blue eyes and had to swallow hard in order to drown the words _I love you_ from leaving his throat. He brushed his lips softly against Jimmy’s and murmured nonsense as Jimmy kissed him back. 

Their lips broke apart but they didn’t for another moment. Thomas forced himself to do it. He stepped backward and walked back to the stool and went back to work on the clock. He was close to fixing it, he hoped, he needed to focus though and do it right. He felt Jimmy eyes on him, he felt him hovering nearby and watching. He thought maybe he should feel crowded, or self-conscious but he didn’t because the truth was he loved Jimmy Kent staring at him. 

“So, what will you do if you don’t go back?”

“That’s the scary part, innit?” Thomas glanced up. “If I don’t go back to Betwixt I have no plan.” 

Jimmy smirked. 

“I’ve never not had a plan.”

“Being my manager could be a plan,” JImmy joked.

“That’s just something that is,” Thomas said. 

“Is it?”

Thomas looked at him. “Of course.”

“You’re always taking care of me.”

“No,” Thomas shook his head and went back to the clock.

“I just…” Jimmy sighed. 

Thomas stopped working on the clock again. “Jimmy?”

“What?” Jimmy was half way across the room and Thomas could see he was all tight lines, and there was an anger underneath the surface. 

“You’ve been weird on and off since breakfast.”

“It’s…” Jimmy sighed. 

Thomas crossed the room and moved around him, leaning himself against Jimmy’s back and putting his hand on his shoulders. They were too tense and it made him worry. “What the hell is it?”

“All I do is make you uncomfortable…”

“Um, pretty sure you do the opposite of that,” Thomas chuckled into his ear and pressed a kiss onto the skin behind it.

“I don’t mean that…” 

“Then what?”

“You’re doing it right now,” Jimmy spun around. “I don’t help you like you help me.”

Thomas was baffled. “You help me.”

“No…”

“Jimmy without you I’d be a Betwixt right now and lying to myself about wanting to be there. I don’t know what you think it is I do that you don’t… but I wouldn’t be about to fix that clock if you weren’t here. I would have given up already and told Elsie to hire someone who would over bill her.” 

“Come on, you’ve been working your ass so she wouldn’t have too…”

“Would’ve given up sooner if you weren’t around all sure I could…” Thomas shifted on his feet. He wasn’t used to admitting to his flaws, or even admitting he had them and when it came to clocks he lacked a lot of confidence. Despite how familiar working on the clock felt, he knew he was rusty. He never would have pressed on this far if Jimmy wasn’t looking at him how he did. “You always look at me like I can do anything. Guess it makes me want to try and I…” _love you._ He swallowed back what he couldn’t say but his heart was hammering. He already said far too much and when he looked at Jimmy he wasn’t sure if he was relieved or upset that all he saw was disbelief. 

“I don’t… I can’t…” Jimmy sighed and put his head down on Thomas’ shoulder. “Really?” he asked his voice muffled by Thomas’ shirt. 

“Really,” Thomas pressed his hand to the back of Jimmy’s neck, than rubbed down his spine and back up again. He felt Jimmy wrap his arms around Thomas and yanked him close. 

“Feels uneven.”

“Maybe you give me too much credit,” Thomas said because it felt like the truth to him. Jimmy held himself together, it wasn’t him, he was just there to offer what he thought he could which wasn’t much. He wasn’t used to being the person someone leaned on. 

Jimmy moved away a bit and met Thomas eyes. “So, you’ve got it fixed?”

“If you’d stop interrupting me, yeah I’ll have it fixed soon.”

Jimmy laughed and they broke apart fully. “I’ll go read that contract.”

Thomas laughed.

“What? Some of it might make sense to me.”

“Go ahead, you should read it. I’ll answer any questions, feel free. I can talk and work.” Thomas walked back over to the counter and slipped onto the stool.

“I thought I was distracting you?”

“Talking about a contract is different than me admitting I have no plan.”

“That is scary… but it’s talking about my life maybe getting a plan?”

“Maybe.” Thomas glanced at him and grinned. Jimmy met it, grabbed the contract from Thomas’ desk and sat down on the chair in the living room. Thomas watched him for a full minute, watching the way he focused on the page as he read and the furrow that formed between his eyebrows. Thomas let himself stare for over a minute. Jimmy was nearly too handsome and Thomas was feeling awe at it again. He shook his head though and went back to the clock. 

The flat grew quiet. There was just the clinking sounds of Thomas working on the clock. And the shift of paper under Jimmy’s fingers. The contract was pages long and it was hard reading. Thomas felt almost disappointed Jimmy wasn’t asking questions. But every time he glanced over he saw the other man was singularly focused. He was clever, Thomas thought maybe he was understanding more than was to be expected. Though nothing was really expected it when it came to Jimmy Kent. 

But after awhile Thomas lost all sense of time passing as he worked on making sure the clock in front of him could measure time passing. He got lost in the tiny bits and the puzzle they all made together. He was focused but a bit shaky. He was afraid he might have made a wrong turn, but his books and his memory kept telling him the opposite. He was trying to focus on his instincts, listen to what his heartbeat was telling him instead of his head. 

_Should do that with Jimmy. Tell him you love him._

The thought came unbidden and shocked him with the fact the tone of it felt like Edward and not just his own voice in his head. He stopped short in order to remember how to breathe. He glanced over at Jimmy and caught him looking over at him. They both grinned and Thomas glanced back at what he was doing and realized he was at the last step. He became focused on the clock again, he pressed the bits together and holding his breath he grabbed the winding key. He winded up the clock to the twelve o’clock position…

And the chime filled the air. Soft and airy. The perfect soothing melody. 

“Wow,” Jimmy said. “That… that was exactly how you described it.” 

“I did it,” Thomas stared at the clock and wasn’t sure if ever felt so satisfied about accomplishing anything in his life.


	61. Chapter 61

Jimmy felt out of sorts but he was on duty at the Flaming Skunk so he was grinning and winking at his patrons. Most of the regulars but there were always new faces — ones that could become regulars if he played his cards right. Or if they were here to meet Jimmy Kent and liked what they saw. It was a strange experience, being known in a way, being famous — as small potatoes as his flame was. He both loved it and was uncomfortable with it. But it was what it was and he knew damn well he had to capitalize on it, work it, it wasn’t a thing to take for granted. Some other guy could come along, do something that got you tubed and be the next trendy thing to like. 

He couldn’t let his bad mood show, he couldn’t let his impatience and his insecurities take over. Jimmy couldn’t have a bad night of work, not matter what was bothering. And it wasn’t really that anything was bothering him — he almost believed Thomas that he was there for him as much as Thomas was for him. Jimmy couldn’t quite totally believe it though and it was nagging at him. And the why it was nagging him was also nagging. 

He loved him. He loved Thomas. And it made him want to give Thomas everything he wanted. Even the things Thomas wasn’t willing to admit mattered to him more than anything. He saw Thomas’ face when he fixed that clock, he saw the way his entire being lit up when that beautiful chime played. He felt it too, the melody of the chime, the beauty of it — and he knew then that Thomas wanted to create that beauty. He didn’t belong behind a desk, running a nightclub and kissing up to clientele to keep the place relevant. His mind would atrophy and maybe it already had been before Jimmy met him. He heard Thomas telling him that he’d woken him up. 

He wanted to wake him up more he thought as he served someone the house special. He grinned when a regular appeared in front of his face then, beautiful brunette with a wide easy smile. “Heather, your usual or living wild tonight?” 

“My usual, you seem preoccupied tonight.”

“Do I?” he shook his head and mental berated himself for not hiding it better. 

“Yes, but I don’t think anyone else has noticed.”

“Only you?” He laughed and put her wine spritzer in front of her.

She took a sip and smiled. “Well, been studying you for weeks now.”

He blushed a bit at that and wondered if he’d ever get used to the boldness of some people. Heather was especially forthright and open about what she wanted, and confident in a way that told him she was never phased by his continual use of the word no. 

“And you’re upset.”

“No, I’m not upset,” he laughed because that wasn’t it at all.

“Really?” she raised an eyebrow.

“I wouldn’t use that word,” he allowed and moved toward a waiting customer. 

“Then what word would you use?” 

He took a handful of other orders, making the drinks, pouring wine, pulling beer and tried to figure out what word he would use. Impatient and angry kept coming to mind. Though, he wasn’t sure what it was he was angry about but something was itching under his skin. It was Thomas he thought, someone ripped away his dream. His own father taken Thomas’ dream away from him. Jimmy was living his dream, he was currently living it, and he knew he might not ever see his father again as well… But the man taken little from in comparison to Thomas’. He might wish for his father’s support and love, but at least had no power to ruin his life. 

“Angry.”

“At?”

“Someone I don’t know,” he admitted to her. 

“That seems like a waste of time.”

“No, it isn’t,” Jimmy said because Thomas was worth the anger. 

“Wasting time being angry gets you know where.”

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “Angry for someone I know.”

“A friend.”

“Well…” Jimmy sighed. What the fuck was Thomas to him? Friend, yes but that was too simple. “He’s…”

“Oh, is this tall, dark-haired and scruffy?”

Jimmy blinked at her. “What?”

She rolled her eyes and opened her phone. She spun it around and he saw a you tube of him and Thomas kissing from the other night at the Pixie. Thomas was wonderfully scruffy. Jimmy flushed because he knew the perfect scruff was all for him and it made his head spin Thomas was doing it for him. He was always flushing because it was always strange to see himself with Thomas. Every time he was shown something of them kissing his reaction was conflicted. A piece of him wanted to watch them together and the other half wanted to turn away with his eyes closed. 

“It is him, right? He’s why you always say no to me.”

Jimmy nodded. 

“So, I mean are two exclusive?”

“We aren’t dating,” Jimmy said.

“I’ve heard that but I mean… come on?”

“No, we aren’t…” the words sounded hollow.

“So, you’re free to date me and you won’t?” She grinned at him, all easy confidence. “I don’t buy it.” 

Jimmy laughed. 

“Oh, I’m all that.” She smiled. 

“We’re not.”

“Why the hell not?” she asked and tapped her phone. “That’s been playing 2 minutes, you two are still at it.”

He glanced back down at the phone. It was true they were still kissing, he watched it for a moment. His cheeks heated up and he remembered the kiss. Remembered wanting more, needing more, remembered being so happy about the contract that was in Thomas’ back pocket the only right course of action was to kiss him. He watched them kiss for another minute, until Ivy walked into the frame and opened her mouth. You couldn’t hear her but Jimmy started laughing, remembering her drunk melodramatic ramblings.

“Friend?”

“One of my best.”

“But tall and scruffy is more than one, isn’t he?”

“Thomas is complicated.”

“Is he? Far as I can tell he’s great kisser and has great taste.” 

“Well, he is smart,” Jimmy winked at her. 

“Why exactly is it you two kiss like that but aren’t together?”

“It’s complicated.”

“I want to know why you refuse to even go on one date with me, if you’re free too.”

“I’m not free too…” he snapped quickly. 

Heather gave him a look.

“I told you it’s complicated.”

“I can handle complicated, Jimmy. Wouldn’t be interested in you otherwise.”

He grinned at her and cocked his head toward waiting customers. Jimmy went to serve them and wondered exactly how to answer her question. The truth was he was constantly questioning why he and Thomas were remaining in limbo. He was all too aware he loved Thomas, it wasn’t even a shock to him to realize it. He never been love before but now he was and he knew it was a strange simple clarity. Yet they remained in limbo, never crossing that one line when they were together — even when on Thomas’ bed. The bed he was sleeping in more and more and more. He was getting impatient but he didn’t want to rush Thomas. They both had things to figure out, the both of them, still — didn’t he? 

Jimmy found himself in front of Heather again and she grinned at him expectantly. “I don’t know,” he shrugged at her.

“Pfft. Not buying that.”

“I wasn’t out when I met him.” 

“Oh?”

“I outed myself by kissing that sodding bastard Kemal Pamuk.”

“Who?”

“Be grateful you don’t know him. Anyway, I was mess when I met Thomas. In fact I was drunk off my ass when I met Thomas. I was drinking too much all the time and making mistake after mistake. Not admitting who I was sexually.”

“You seem good now.”

“I am. I am. But it’s new.”

“And?”

“And… Thomas was dating the Dick of Crowborough.”

“Now why don’t the tabloids call that toff that?”

“You would think,” Jimmy laughed. “He was with him and while that’s done and over, there is someone else he’s not ever going to get over. Which I get and I understand it… Plus he’s having a career crisis and dealing with his own mistakes.” 

“And?”

“And the timing is off…”

“So this other…. Guy?”

Jimmy nodded.

“This other guy that he won’t get over, he in the picture?”

“No.”

“Do you care more about him than he does you?”

“No.”  
“So… the two of you are into each other but won’t date because of what exactly?”

“We have things to figure out, we’re not ready…”

“Ready?” She laughed. “What the hell is ready? If you don’t take risks and go for things they’ll slip right through your hands. There is no ready, anything good in life can’t wait for ready.”

Jimmy felt like her words slapped him in the chest. He stared at her and felt like the floor underneath him was tilting. “I…” he stammered.

Heather grinned and leaned over the bar and kissed his cheek. “Well, I’m not wasting any more of my precious time on someone taken.” 

He watched her walk away still feeling like her words were punching him in the chest, the face, and in his gut. His mind whirring, he fell into a daze. Something was becoming bright and clear. He could feel it, it was humming in his veins like a song. 

He fucking loved Thomas Barrow. 

~~~

At 3 am, Elsie Hughe’s clock’s chime rang out and filled the flat with it’s beautiful melody. Thomas felt another rush of accomplisment and satisfaction, knowing he’d brought that chime back to life made him feel amazing. He felt like it given something back to the world. It felt silly in away to feel that way but he did and he couldn’t deny it. It was was wonderful but it was also hurting him. It was hurting because he knew Jimmy was right to keep prodding at him about clocks. 

It was what he wanted. The problem was he didn’t see a way for it to happen. He was out of practice, he hadn’t studied the practice in years. Maybe he knew how to run a business but he hadn’t the first clue on how to start a clock business. And his father, his father’s name and weight would keep Thomas away from the field, the best he could hope for was maybe the fringe of it. 

He sighed and forced himself to focus on what he was currently doing. Clocks were a pipe dream. But Pipeline Music was a real business and Thomas spent the night researching them to the best of his ability. He also gone through all his contacts via Betwixt and pulled out the names of people in the music industry. He could research this, he could find out what was good and what was bad. He was sure Jimmy would start getting more and more offers. It’ll get out there Pipeline approached him and that would surely bring others out of the woodwork. 

He smiled and felt another different kind of satisfaction. He was doing this for Jimmy. He would do anything for Jimmy. Jimmy’s dreams were going to come true, Thomas would do anything to ensure his success. The world should know Jimmy’s voice and his music. And he had the right abilities to be his manager, to help him field offers and help him not become a victim of the music industry. He’ll make sure of it, he’ll bend over backwards to protect him and support him. 

His heart lurched and he felt it again. It shook his bones. He loved Jimmy. He loved him in a way he never loved anyone else. Not even Edward, not even Edward whose memory still hurt Thomas and made his chest ache. He loved Jimmy differently, intensely and he was starting to admit to himself it started from the first second he saw Jimmy’s face. All bright, gold and beautiful. Jimmy wanted to be a star, Thomas already knew he was one and it was getting harder and harder to not tell him. He wanted to tell Jimmy he loved him, he swallowed he words more than once every day at this point. It was getting harder to hide, it was getting hider to conceal. Jimmy must see it when he looks at him… 

The door opened stopping Thomas’ train of thought. He turned and it felt like Jimmy burst through the door. Thomas watched him look around the flat with wide eyes and when they found Thomas they seemed to darken and narrow. Thomas stood up from where he sat and Jimmy seemed to stalk toward him. He opened his mouth to say hello but Jimmy grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and yanked him forward. Kissing him hard, messy and impatient. 

There was no arguing with Jimmy, Thomas let himself be manhandled and he met the kiss with equal ferocity. Though his mind was trying to catch up because this felt different, this felt wild, this felt like everything he wanted but was pretending he didn’t. Jimmy’s hands where everywhere, he was yanking off Thomas’ shirt and pushing him down the hall. His lips were on his jaw and his throat. Thomas found himself just trying to keep up, trying to get rid of Jimmy’s shirt… 

But suddenly he found himself on his back on the bed and Jimmy was staring down at him with a determined and hungry expression. He crawled over Thomas and started undoing his belt. Thomas felt his breath catch in his throat and he watched it with wide eyes. Jimmy yanked the belt free and unfastened the pants with quick motions. Thomas was suddenly pinned down by Jimmy’s stare and he felt hands grabbing hold of his pants. He lifted his hips and Jimmy yanked them free and Thomas boxers went with them.

Thomas was hard, his erection against his belly and his entire body felt like it was thrumming with arousal. Jimmy was staring at him, raking his eyes over his entire body as he breathed heavily through his mouth. He pulled off his shirt and Thomas tracked the motion with his eyes. Then Jimmy was on the bed, his mouth so close to Thomas cock, he felt every exhale of breath against it and he groaned. 

“This is how hard you get for me,” Jimmy said. 

Thomas felt his brain short circuit.


	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in the middle of writing this my R key stopped working properly. And I can get it to work but it totally slows my typing down. Just thought I'd share.

Jimmy lips pressed against Thomas’s cock, his tongue following it’s trail up to the tip of it. Jimmy breathed against the sensitive skin and all the while he was looking straight at Thomas. Thomas stared right back and he licked parted lips and let out of whimper as Jimmy’s mouth swallowed his cock and wrapped his hand around it, twisting a bit as his tongue did something that made Thomas thrust his hips up hard. 

“Sorry,” Thomas said but Jimmy was laughing and he crawled further up the bed and kissed Thomas. Thomas grabbed his head, fingers twisting into his hair and kissed him back. Air was the only reason they stopped and Jimmy was straddling his hips grinning at him as they broke apart. 

“Hi,” he said. 

“Hi?” Thomas realized he couldn’t stop smiling. “What are you doing?”

Jimmy leaned down and dragged his mouth down Thomas jaw. “What does it seem like I’m doing?” 

Thomas’ eyes slid closed and he moved his hands to Jimmy’s hips. His fingers barely Jimmy’s jeans they were riding so low. “You seem too overdressed,” he muttered as he felt the drag of denim against his naked legs. 

“I’ve seen me naked,” Jimmy whispered against his throat. 

“I haven’t…”

Jimmy rocked backward, his mouth leaving Thomas skin and he whined. He got a laugh in his ear about that and Jimmy hopped off the bed in a fluid motion. He stood there and stared at Thomas greedily again, raking his eyes all over him. Thomas lost patience and moved and grabbed Jimmy’s jeans and just yanked them down. First thought, he wasn’t wearing any sort of underwear and second thought was Jimmy was fucking beautiful. All golden skin and impressive cock and Thomas grabbed onto him and yanked him onto the bed. 

He laughed as they’re limbs collided and tangled but it was all good because Jimmy ended up straddling his hips again, only this time there were not clothes between them. There was their cocks and Thomas reached and wrapped his hand around Jimmy’s and thought it felt damn right in his hand. “Hi,” he whispered amazed it was in his hand. 

“Did you just say hi to my cock?”

“Yes, problem with that?” He blushed. 

“It likes tongue with its hellos,” Jimmy quipped. 

“Then bring it closer to my mouth,” Thomas said and he tried to keep a straight face but he and Jimmy’s eyes met and they both dissolved into giggles. But Jimmy moved so Thomas could wrap his mouth around his cock, so he wasn't about to argue. Thomas moaned as he tasted him for the first time and grabbed at his hips. Jimmy seemed to sigh above him and there was a hand in his hair. Thomas lost himself in the motion of stroking the cock up and down, his hand and his mouth, licking and tasting him. Jimmy groaned and then he whined as he yanked at Thomas’s hair to make him stop. 

Thomas stared at him baffled.

Jimmy moved back down to straddle his hips and leaned over him, their foreheads touching. Jimmy rand his hands Thomas’ ribs and ground down against him. Thomas fingers dug into Jimmy’s hips. “This is good right?”

“Better than…” Thomas replied and he felt lost. 

“Didn’t even fight me a little bit,” Jimmy grinned and kissed him. Thomas nodded into the kiss. 

“Why would I?”

“We have rules,” Jimmy spoke it into his mouth and continued the kiss. 

Thomas moved underneath him, rolled his hips to get their erections closer, pressing together. “Rules?” he asked confused. 

“The rules, Thomas,” Jimmy pulled his mouth away from him.

“Oh, those,” Thomas touched Jimmy’s face and tried to rise up to capture his mouth again. 

“About two hours before my shift ended I decided I was going to come home and fuck you into the bed. _Our bed_.” 

“Our…” Thomas felt dazed. 

“Our,” Jimmy bent down, lips brushing his ear. “It’s our bed, has been for weeks now.” 

“Yes,” he responded without thought. 

“Do you know?” Jimmy kissed him and moved his hand between them and grabbed Thomas’ cock. “Do you have any idea?”

“Jimmy,” Thomas sighed as he started stroking him.

“Our rules were stupid,” Jimmy started trailing kissed down his jaw. 

“Yes,” Thomas agreed. 

“And not even a token protest from you,” Thomas whimpered when Jimmy’s hand left his cock, but within a second Jimmy was breathing against the head of it and looking right at Thomas. “Why’s that?”

“Why?” Thomas shook his head. “Jimmy… I can’t.”

“What?”

“Suck my cock.” 

Jimmy laughed and pressed a chaste kiss against its skin. “You want me to swallow you down. Answer the question, Thomas.” 

Thomas glared at him and Jimmy kept teasing him, with his breath and his tongue. He tried to remember the question, but if anything came into his head I was lost when Jimmy licked his cock again, in a short annoying, teasing flick.

“Could I get that question again?” he muttered finally and pushed his hands into Jimmy’s hair, finding the crown of his head and pushing his face down into his cock. 

“Why…” Jimmy swirled his tongue around the head of his cock. “Did you…” he licked down toward his balls. “Not try to stop me from breaking our no cock rule?” 

“Do I look stupid?” Thomas asked. 

“No, you look disgustingly clever,” Jimmy wrapped his lips around the head of his cock again and Thomas groaned, the hand in Jimmy’s hair pressing down. 

“I want this,” Thomas answered his breathe stuttering “I fucking want this.” He fought against his eyes sliding close at the heavenly feeling of his cock in that that beautiful mouth. He watched himself slide in and out of Jimmy’s mouth, his lips pressed against his cock. 

Jimmy popped off of his cock with a grin. “Me too.” 

Thomas growled. 

Jimmy kept smiling at him though and moved up again to kiss him. Thomas grabbed him down and forced his tongue inside and he could taste his own skin on Jimmy’s tongue and he sighed. They broke apart for air and Jimmy was staring down at him, his eyes the color of midnight and Thomas didn’t want to look away, he never wanted to look away from them. Because Jimmy was looking at him like he was amazing.

“Thomas…” Jimmy breathed his name and looked suddenly shy and ducked his head, his forehead hitting Thomas’s nose. “I…” 

Thomas chuckled because the cocksure tease was gone. “What?”

“I…” Jimmy looked back up. “Wow, I thought it be easier to say it.”

"Say what?" Thomas asked and his thumb stroked Jimmy's red cheek. "What?" 

"You know, I know you know," Jimmy whispered back and brushed his lips against Thomas'. 

"Do I," he licked into his mouth and ran a hand down Jimmy's spine and for once didn't stop, he allowed his hand travel down to his ass, his palm on his skin there and dug his fingers into him 

"Fuck.." Jimmy rolled his hips and rutting against him. "I…" 

"Yes," Thomas bit at his lower lip. 

"Love you." 

"Oh," Thomas sighed and his hands flew to Jimmy's face. His beautiful face and pulled him down for a soft kiss. "Jimmy…" breathed against his lips."

"Yeah," Jimmy kissed him back and then ducked his face away from him. Thomas could feel the heat from his cheeks against the palms of his hands. 

"Look at me, love."

Jimmy pressed his forhead against Thomas' and looked right at him. Thomas grinned and leaned up. "I love you, Jimmy Kent. I have forever." 

"Forever," Jimmy kissed him and started traveling down, kissing his throat, his chest, his hand brushing against his nipple, and kissing his bellybutton. Thomas watched, fighting closing his eyes because he wanted to watch. Jimmy swallowed his cock again. He leaned up wanting to be closer to the sight of it, of those lips wrapped around his cock. His hand landed into his hair again, threading and pulling. Finding the crown and pressing, telling him what to do with a yank or a push -- and Jimmy knew just what he wanted. It felt like it happened too fast and like it was forever all at once when he came and Jimmy stroked him through staring right into his eyes like Thomas was something beautiful to behold. 

It was Jimmy that was beautiful to behold. The first second he saw him he was blinded by him. Bright, gold, beautiful and too handsome to be real. But here he was in Thomas' bed -- their bed -- looking smug and satisfied and licking his lips. He was getting closer too and Thomas grabbed his face and kissed him, pulling him over him and he reached out with his left hand and blindly searched for the drawer he wanted. Jimmy laughed into his mouth and looked to the side as Thomas hand kept hitting air. Thomas huffed in annoyance and pushed Jimmy up, so he could see where he was looking. He wanted to be kissing him but then again what he was going for was pretty vital to Jimmy fucking him into the bed. 

"You're opening the drawer where you keep your old daily planners," Jimmy said giving him an odd look.

"Snooping were you?"

"A bit, I mean… was wondering where you keep it."

"Under my old daily planners," Thomas snickered and tossed a few of the black books out of the drawer and wrapped his hand around the bottle of Astroglide. He tossed it at Jimmy. 

"Why thank you," he laughed and he pushed his other hand into the drawer and pulled out a roll of condoms. "Why?" he asked.

"Sybil steals condoms," Thomas said. 

Jimmy nodded at this like it answered all of life's problems, as he jumped back on the bed and over Thomas. "Hmmm," he kissed down Thomas' neck. "We should…" he licked at his collarbone. "Not tell her we're together right away…" he sucked at Thomas' nipple and Thomas moaned and yanked Jimmy back to his mouth by pulling on his hair. 

"You should get onto fucking me." 

"In a hurry?" Jimmy's eyes danced with mischief. 

"You're a bloody tease," Thomas snapped. 

"Am I," he moved down the bed pushed between Thomas' legs. Thomas moved to give him access and used the opportunity to just stare at Jimmy, all the while telling himself that he is very real and was about to pound into him. It felt like a fantasy. Jimmy's tongue on his hole however help drive home it was real his whole body rolled with pleasure. Jimmy hummed against him and he felt his tongue, a jolt of cold and Jimmy pressing inside of him. Thomas fought again to keep his eyes open and looking up. He watched something shift on Jimmy's expression and then he was looking at Thomas. 

"What?"

"Never done this…"

Thomas eyes widened.

"SOBER." Jimmy yelled louder than needed. "Sorry, just sober, no virgin maiden." 

They both fell into giggles again but Jimmy was single-minded and kept pushing with his finger and something occurred to Thomas that should've crossed his mind the minute Jimmy announced to him he was getting fucked. "Uh…"

"What?" 

"Haven't bottomed in ages…" Thomas admitted.

"That slipped your mind did it?" He watched Jimmy apply more lube.

"Everything slipped my mind the second you ripped off my pants." 

"Yeah, well, we'll be mightly damn slippery then won't we…." Jimmy moved up to kiss him again. Thomas grabbed hold of him, kissing him back and they fell into it. Like they always did, kissing and touching, only now they could cover more ground but Jimmy broke free of him to continuing getting him ready. Thomas lost his battle to keep his eyes opening as Jimmy pushed his fingers in and out. Thomas gripped the bedsheets and rolled his hips up and keened when Jimmy found his prostrate. His eyes flew open and Jimmy was watching him like he was in awe of him. Their gazes locked and Jimmy nodded and he was ready to enter Thomas in seconds but it felt too long. Thomas wrapped his legs around his waist and Jimmy pushed in and it was one long single thrust because it was where Jimmy belonged, Thomas thought, buried inside of him. 

Jimmy leaned over him and they looked at each other. Thomas put his hand on the back of Jimmy's neck and nodded. Jimmy leaned down and pressed a soft kiss against his mouth before he started moving. They looked right at each other, Thomas ran his hand up and down Jimmy's spine, down over his ass and pressing his fingers in and pushing him closer. Thomas keened again when Jimmy found him again and again. 

"Thomas," Jimmy whispered his name like it was prayer. "Thomas." 

Thomas leaned up and kissed him, hand on the back of his neck and pulled him down and Jimmy started thrusting harder and Thomas felt everything black and spark. Jimmy collapsed on top of him and face falling into Thomas' neck. They caressed, touched, kissed and shifted on the bed so they were face to face. Thomas kissed him softly and started chuckling. 

"What?" Jimmy asked as he trailed his hands through Thomas' chest hair.

"Always thought we had bad timing…" Thomas whispered. 

"And?"

"We keep perfect time," he said and felt his cheeks heat up, but Jimmy leaned forward to kiss him which Thomas took as agreement.


	63. Chapter 63

Sybil sunk into the couch in the intern’s break room and she put her feet up on the old and battered coffee table. A few magazines fell off it as her feet went up but she didn’t care. She could pick them up when she got up, much later than now. 

“Sybil.”

“No,” she yelled and shook her head. “No. I just sat down.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” Emmy said. 

“Then what is it?”

“There is some dick demanding to see you and only you. He’s being horrible to everyone and shouting about owning the hospital.”

“Oh, hell no.” Sybil groaned and stood up.

“Who is he?”

“A dick,” she muttered and made herself get to her feet. She bent down and slammed the magazines on the coffee table. “I am not in the mood for this.”

“Is it an ex, cause we could get Dan to scare him out of here?”

Sybil laughed. “I like to do my own scaring and he’s not my ex, thank all that is good and right in the world.” 

“Who is he then?”

“The Dick of Crowborough,” Sybil said off-handedly as she left the break room. She heard him before she saw him and gritted her teeth at the way he was talking to the people at the desk. She didn't care who he was or who he thought he was he had no right to be a bastard whenever he bloody felt like it.

"Philip shut the fuck up," she snapped at him from across the room. She got a lot of looks for it but she didn't care. Philip turned and saw her and his entire demeanor went from frustrated to relieved. Which threw her, why would he be relieved to see her. 

"There you are, it's like asking people to invent finding a person around here."

"No, it's you being an impolite arsehole who thinks because your family's donated money to the hospital it's your playground. What do you want, Philip?"

"You talk about me being impolite?"

"I have no reason to be polite to you any longer."

"He dumped me."

"Cause you're a bastard and a coward to boot."

"Mighty hypocrital of you Sybil given the bastard Thomas is."

"Thomas's bastardy is bravado. Yours is from the inside out."

Philip glared at her and then he sighed. "I came with good intentions, Sybil. Now, I'm wondering why the hell I'm bothering."

"Are you even capable of good intentions? Please do dazzle me."   
"You truly can be a bitch when you wish."

"I am Mary Crawley's sister."

"Touché." 

"I don't have all day, Philip. You're eating into my break." 

"Rupert Barrow has had a heart attack. Father was with him when it happened -- you know how they are close. He's in intensive care."

She felt blank and uncomfortable with the information. She didn't know what to do with it. What did she do with that? "Intensive care? How bad was it?"

"You're the doctor Sybil. And Thomas' family. So, you know now and I'm well out of it." 

"Yes, of course. You've done your small good deed and can now go on with your life," Sybil snapped. 

Philip glared at her turned to walk away but then he turned back again. "Look, Thomas deserves his inheritance. We both know it. Rupert has said his name more than once. He's delirious but he's saying his name… so. He's old, Sybil."

 

She crossed her arms acrossed her chest. "You think I need to tell him."

"Don't you?"

Sybil sighed. 

"Well, whatever, your Saint Sybil, you'll do what's right," Philip turned around and this time he didn't come back. 

Sybil stood where she was for a long time as she tried to make sense out of what she'd been told and what she was hearing. Sighing she walked behind the desk counter and up to an unused computer.

"Who was that, he's right dick," a nurse she didn't know on duty asked. 

"My sister and my brother's ex," Sybil muttered. Philip was right she was Thomas' family, as far as she was concerned he was her brother. She wished he and the rest of her family would fall in line on that… Of all people Philip called her out on it and was putting the decision on her.

"Your sister and your brother dated the same man?"

"Unfortunately," Sybil muttered and she pressed the button that gave her what intensive care unit Rupert Barrow as well as his doctor. A quick look at the file told her he was in rough shape. She started walking toward the elevator, biting her nails as she walked. She found herself on the right floor and walking past Philip who was in the waiting room, talking with his father. She walked into the care unit and swallowed at the sight she saw. 

As a child Rupert Barrow seemed larger than life. He had a presents, one a lot like Thomas'. He stood out, there was a natural charisma and he was truly handsome. He wasn't an easy man to know or like -- which she realized could describe Thomas as well. But he could be cold, he'd never been overly loving to Thomas -- the only thing they'd shared was clocks. Looking at him now he just looked like an old man. An old dying man. 

Sybil walked further into the room and checked his chart. She frowned at the information. He needed surgery and he wasn't stable enough for it as of the moment. She started to turn around but was cut off by the man asking for water. Immediately, she turned back to do her job, it was innate at this point. No matter who the patient was. She filled a glass and got up tthe bed, knowing she was going to have to help him drink it. 

As she wiped some water off his chin he gave her a bit of a look. She smiled at him politely. She turned away. 

"Sybil Crawley," he said in a hoarse voice. 

She sighed and turned back to face him. "Yes, Mr. Barrow." 

"Is he with you?"

"He?" she played stupid.

"My son… is he with you."

"He doesn't know you're here." 

"Philip hasn't told him?" 

Sybil stared at him. "Why would he?"

"Aren't they dating again -- I can never keep up."

Sybil eyebrows rose. 

"Water?" he asked again.

"Of course," she turned to get him some again and when she turned back he was looking at her again. 

"Sybil Crawley?"

She nodded.

"Is he with you?"

"No." She said and he turned his head away. She turned and left the room and walked slowly back to the breakroom, knowing her whole break was far from over. She didn't know what to do, she didn't know what to do at all. She sighed and pulled out her phone and stared at Tom's number and her Mary's number. After a few minutes of debate she pressed call. 

 

~~~

Jimmy carefully put the box of Edward's journals on the floor on his side of the closet in Thomas'…no it was their room. He grinned as he stood up from where he left the box. This was a better place for it than under the couch. His other books where on shelves or tables throughout the apartment. But now most of the miscellaneous stuff that ended up with him in the living room was now in the bedroom. On the bureau, book case and nighttables. Jimmy turned and saw his favorite thing about the room on the bed. Not as on it as he would like however but Thomas was sitting on the edge reading something off of his phone. 

"Who texted?"

"Clara Cotterill." 

"Who?"

Thomas grinned. "She works for Phoenix Records which is the name in the recording industry if my research has pointed me in the right direction. I will be meeting her for drinks in two hours." 

"She going to turn you into an expert on the subject the recording industry?"

"She's a place to start," Thomas grinned at him. "You're going not just going to get a record deal, Jimmy. I'm making sure you get your worth."

He blushed and heard himself stammering and felt unsure how to take the belief in him. "I'm good, I know I'm good, but good is a dime a dozen."

"You aren't," Thomas said and he stood up. He walked right up to him and touched his face, fingers trailing his jawline. Jimmy let himself step into it, lean into it, he searched out Thomas' eyes and found them intense as he stared at him. "You have that IT factor Jimmy. It's a shine, it makes you standout even if your next to someone else. Someone else who usually gets all the attention… No one noticed Pamuk that night you know. People always notice Pamuk."

"He thinks so," Jimmy sighed and felt a rush of revulsion. "Agh, I kissed that."

Thomas chuckled and leaned in and brushed his lips against Jimmy's. "You've been cleansed."

Jimmy laughed, put his arms around Thomas' shoulders and glanced up into his eyes again. "I stand out?"

"You're bright. Anstruther didn't pick simply because you're pretty. She wants people looking and you make people look. Can’t learn it, can't capture it, can't do anything to manufacture it. You're gold."

Jimmy stared into Thomas' eyes which were gray and clear. But also besotted and he looked him up and down. Remembers how he walked the floors of Betwixt. It was clear he was the king and he stood out. Jimmy knew he wasn't the only one watching. The only one looking. "You're not to shabby you know."

"Not too shabby?" Thomas glared at him.

"I said you're not shabby."

"But still… Shabby," Thomas looked appalled. 

"Sweetheart, your ego is showing," Jimmy kissed him when he pulled back he saw Thomas blushing beautifully and he got to enjoy the fact he was the cause, he was the reason. 

"Back to your ego… I will be talking you up as much as I will be interrogating her for information." 

"Interrogating?"

"That is my intention. Single minded pursuit."

"And you use your charming grin, good looks and wallet to get it done?"

"Exactly."

"Very James Bond," Jimmy grinned. "Get the Queen's secrets."

"Shut up." 

"No, no… you're very suave." Jimmy looked him up and down. "Maybe you should steal one of those penguin suits while you are there."

"Jimmy, I dated Philip, I have a my own tuxedo."

He scowled at the mention of Dick but he wasn't going to be deterred from his current line of thought. "Okay, I need to see you in it. We can go to a casino."

Thomas raised an eyebrow. "Really? James Bond?"

"You're questioning James Bond?"

Thomas considered it for a moment and then he was looking Jimmy up and down. "Well, I see the appeal from this direction. We'll buy you a tuxedo."

"Hell no, you aren't getting me in one."

"You're right, it'd only be to take it off of you, would be a waste of clothing…" Thomas stepped up and put his hands on his shoulders. "I like you in t-shirts anyway, leaves little to the imganation."

"You don't have to imagine any longer." 

"No, no, I don't," Thomas looked up with a smirk. 

"When are you leaving?"

"Two hours, Love. But you have to leave in twenty-five minutes."

"Oh. Right. Work."

Thomas shook his head amused. "Yeah, that."

"I just want to stay here with you now that I don't have to hold anything back."

"Not holding back has many advantages," Thomas pushed his hands under Jimmy's shirt and moved his hands around and down the back of his jeans. "Do you ever wear underwear?"

"Sometimes," Jimmy laughed. 

"All this time you weren't wearing…"

"Some of the time, yep."

Thomas stared at him and then kissed him, hard and hungry. Jimmy started pushing him back towards the bed, kissing back more than he was getting. Not at all caring he'd be late for work. That didn't matter at all in the moment. But then their came a familiar voice shouting. 

"Thomas!" 

They broked apart and Jimmy saw Thomas' confusion. Jimmy had yet to discern a pattern to Sybil's comings and goings but Thomas knew them and apparently this didn't match up to any of them. Jimmy found himself walking with Thomas out into the living room.

Sybil was in the kitchenette pouring three tumblers of what looked like bourbon. Jimmy looked from them to Thomas. Thomas looked confused very confused. 

"Sybil?"

"Drink," she said.

"Why?" he asked.

"Just do it," she snapped. 

Thomas sighed and walked over and grabbed two of the glasses. Soon Jimmy was sipping on very expensive bourbon. And wondering where it'd been hidden. Thomas put his glass back down on the counter with an audible click. "What’s wrong?"

Sybil sighed. "I don't know how to ease into this. I don't think I can ease into this."

"Sybil what?"

"Your father had a heart attack, Thomas. He's in the hospital. He's critical." 

Something made Jimmy wrap his arm around Thomas' waist the second Sybil stopped talking and it was a good thing because he stumbled forward, off balance, toward the counter. Jimmy tightened his hold and took on a lot of Thomas' weight.


	64. Chapter 64

It was too quiet. Jimmy steadied Thomas. He felt hyper-focus on Thomas, his arm tight around him, he was turned toward him and he tried to make sense of the expression he was witnessing in profile. Thomas weight slowly lifted off of Jimmy but it didn’t cause any relief. He felt and watched Thomas straighten into his usual perfect posture. He reached out and picked up the tumbler of bourbon Sybil poured and drank it down. Jimmy stayed where he was, standing to close, arm around his wait and on hand on his upper arm. But Thomas didn’t need his weight, or his touch, he was standing perfectly fine. In fact that was all he was al he was doing. Jimmy wasn’t even sure if he was breathing, he felt caught up holding his own. 

“Thomas?” Sybil broke the silence. 

“How do you know?” Thomas asked her. 

“Well…” Sybil fidgeted with her glass on the table. “Philip. Apparently he was at the Duke’s house.”

“Of course,” Thomas said and he sounded weird to Jimmy, distant and clipped. Almost robotic which worried him. Thomas felt too calm, he looked way too controlled. Jimmy slid his hand his arm and took Thomas hand into his own. Thomas’ grip was deadly tight and it was the first shot of awareness Jimmy had that Thomas wasn’t calm at all. He was screaming internally. 

“I saw him,” Sybil said. 

“Did you?”

Jimmy glanced over the counter at her but her eyes were locked on Thomas. He wondered what she was seeing. Years of knowing him, did she know the real battle that was probably hidden behind his eyes. Jimmy eyes went back to Thomas and waited for him to ask the obvious question but he remained quiet. 

“How was he?” Jimmy heard himself ask. 

Thomas reached with his free hand and picked up Jimmy’s drink. He swallowed it down. Jimmy felt himself move even closer to him and he looked at Sybil and waited for her to answer the question. Sybil looked between them and her eyes fell back on Thomas. Jimmy was sure she was boring some form of question, care, worry right into Thomas eyes. 

“Answer him,” Thomas said after a long beat. 

“Confused…. But.”

“What?”

“He said it twice.”

“What’s that?”

“Asked if you were with me. He said it twice.” 

“Why would I be with you?”

“I… I guess I didn’t question that part,” Sybil said. “He knew it was me but he was confused. It’s serious. He’s…” she looked at her watch. “If he’s stabilized more he’s probably in surgery now.”

“For his heart?” The laugh that fell of Thomas throat was sour and sad. 

“Will he?” Jimmy heard hismefl asking Sybil.

“I don’t know,” she said looking right at him but then her eyes moved to Thomas. “He asked for you.”

“He didn’t meant it,” Thomas said. 

“Thomas…” Sybil sighed. “Fine, I don’t know what he meant. But he said something strange.”

Jimmy watched Thomas’ eyes close and take in a breath. He was holding it and Jimmy heard himself asking what Thomas wouldn’t again. “What’s that?” 

Sybil was looking at him again and Jimmy couldn’t read her. She was tense, worried and nervous. “What do you know about Mr. Barrow?”

“He knows Sybil,” Thomas barked. “I told him days ago.” 

Jimmy thought something relaxed in Sybil’s shoulders but she remained tense and her eyes went back to staring at Thomas. “He mentioned he could never keep up with if you or Philip were dating or not.”

Another bitter and sour laugh that had Jimmy’s heart cracking open. He squeezed Thomas hand, as well as he could giving his was being crushed. He waited for something to happened. One of them to talk, one of them to do something. He was blind here but he had a feeling they all were. 

“So, um… do you want to,” Sybil finally asked the big question.

“I have a meeting.”

“That can wait,” Jimmy heard himself but he braced himself for a bad reaction because he wasn’t sure what Thomas needed or wanted, or what stance he himself should be taking.

“You think I should see him?” 

Jimmy found himself shaking his head. “I don’t know.” 

“And it can’t wait,” Thomas said. 

Jimmy decided not to argue. 

“Thomas I think….”

“No,’ Jimmy heard himself snapping it before he knew he was saying it. “He said, no, Sybil.”

The heavier stare she’d been giving Thomas was not on him. Her eyes were clouded and he was sure he never seen her looking so insecure. No, Sybil didn’t look insecure or small. Or young. Jimmy was having trouble processing all he was seeing and realized she was terrified about Thomas and him handling this. 

“I’ve got this,” he said. 

“Do you?”

Jimmy nodded and hoped he looked more certain than he felt. But he had this because there was no other choice. There was no ignoring it, or avoiding it, or anything. He was going to let Thomas break his hand even if need be and his hands were rather important to him. Sybil was looking at him like he was crazy and started shaking her head. Jimmy wasn’t sure if he should be mad or hurt she didn’t think he could handle it. 

“He said he’s got it,” Thomas snapped. 

“Is that because you don’t want to hear what I might say and you think he’ll say what you want to hear?”

“What the fuck is it I want to hear, Sybil?”

“I don’t know.”

“You think I should go?”

“I think… you should consider it.”

“Considered it. No.” 

“That’s it?” Sybil sighed. “He mentioned you dating Philip…”

“Did he say that one twice?”

“Well… no.”

“If he hadn’t ask about me, would you have told me?”

“I don’t know,” Sybil said after a long beat. “But he did ask for you.” 

“He’ll forget. They’ll do what they need to do and he’ll go right back to forgetting I exist. It means nothing.”

“It was a serious heart attack, Thomas.”

“He never had one, took long enough for it to show.” 

“Thomas…” Sybil looked close to crying. 

“Jimmy you’re going to be late to work,” Thomas said. 

Jimmy blinked at him. “I’m not going in…”

“Yes, you are.”

“Hell no…”

“You already called in too many times.”

“Oh, come on, I bring in customers for them…” 

“I’m going to the meeting. Sybil’s going back to the hospital. And you’re going to work. I’ll drive you…” he pulled at Jimmy, his hand still clamped around Jimmy’s. He was given no choice but to nod at Thomas and he glanced over at Sybil. The thought of letting her know he felt unsure about this plan, he agreed with her on some level — he thought — but that wasn’t what he needed to convey. So, he nodded at her.

“You got this?” she said and it sounded like an accusation. 

“I do,” he said. 

She shook her head. “Thomas.”

“We’re leaving.” And they were at the door, Thomas handed Jimmy his wallet, and grabbed his own and his keys. “Go back to work, Sybil.”  
“He’s your father.”

“He’s not yours,” Thomas snapped bitterly and then they were out the door. They got into the elevator. Thomas wasn’t looking at him but he was holding onto him tight as hell. They stood side by side as the elevator took them down a level and then they walked outside and toward Thomas’ car. As they made it to the right side of the car they stopped by the handle to it. The grip on Jimmy’s hand tightened and he looked up and finally found Thomas looking at him. 

He looked cold and distant but Jimmy saw it… it was the eye of a storm. It was a calm, a bad bad calm because it came before something strong and dangerous. “Neither of us to go where we’re expected tonight,” he said. 

“Yes, we do.”

“Thomas.”

“He has no effect on my life. My life is you. And you are going to be a rockstar. I need to know a few things about the industry. This is the plan. Our plan.” 

It was like he was listing it but it was the truth too and it hit Jimmy hard. Thomas was planning their life. Their life. One night of confessions and sex and it was forever. Like he knew would be and he wasn’t scared of it like he thought might be and right now it actually felt like a comfort. But probably not for the reasons Thomas wanted it to… 

“Our plan doesn’t change by dropping by the hospital.”

“His has no effect on my life.” Thomas let go of Jimmy’s hand. 

Jimmy looked at him for a beat, their eyes meeting and that imminent storm worrying Jimmy. He sighed and nodded. He walked around the car and got into the passenger seat. Thomas started the car and soon they were on the street, part of traffic.

It was quiet again. Too quiet. And Jimmy hand not only hurt it was tingling a bit like it might if it fell asleep. He flexed it and wiggled his fingers and grimaced. But it was only motions, it was what you did if your hand felt like his did, he wasn’t focusing on it. He glanced at Thomas. The thing he was focusing on and wondered really what was going on his head. Maybe if he could figure out the right questions he could help Thomas stave off the storm. 

Thomas met his eyes and Jimmy saw something he was expecting in them. Something that wasn’t about his father, or his survival move on focusing on them, no it was something else and Jimmy couldn’t quite figure out until they were suddenly parked at the side of a road. 

“Thomas?”

Thomas grabbed his hand, carefully, Jimmy’s palm up at first and then moved it to look at the back. “Shit.” 

Jimmy looked down and realized their was black and blue marks forming and it felt rather hot in Thomas’ cool hand. “It’s fine.”

Thomas gray eyes snapped to his and they were a storm. “Why didn’t you…”

“Tell you it hurt a bit? Wasn’t really the time, Thomas.”

“Yes it was.” Thomas snapped and stroked his thumb lightly over the bruising. 

“It’ll be fine, not like you broke it…” Jimmy went for a smile. “You aren’t He-man.” 

“He-man?” Thomas looked at him blankly. 

Jimmy shrugged. “It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not…” Thomas looked at him and he watched Thomas’ anger for himself slide away and the weird calm was in place again. “He has nothing to do with my life,” Thomas mumbled it and Jimmy wondered if he’d meant to say it out loud. “You need ice,” he said. “Better get you to work.” 

“Right…” Jimmy thought and realized he didn’t want Thomas out of his sight but he’d agreed to this, tacitly, but agreed. He was supposed to let Thomas drop him off at work and then wait for him? Let him go off when he was in this weird calm, robotic, state of being. Jimmy told himself he’d come out of it for a moment there, but that’d been about Jimmy. And Thomas focus was about what was important in his life and his father wasn’t on the list — or was he? Jimmy knew enough but not enough. 

He felt a panic start to form in his chest. “Have her meet you at the Skunk?” 

“No. Too crowded and noisy. I need to speak with her, Jimmy.”

“Then let me run in and tell them I can’t work.”

“You’ve done that enough already, you need the job.”

“Come on, I’m like a quasi-celeb, I can get away with it…”

Thomas shot him a look.

“What?”

“Dick move,” he said clearly. 

Jimmy mouth opened but no words formed so he glared. 

The panic was heightening. He couldn’t leave him alone, it was screaming at him but he was going to be forced into it. He promised Sybil that he had Thomas back and he had this covered. Jimmy winced a bit as he grabbed his phone with his crushed hand. He opened it up quickly to Daisy’s number and poked out a text with a very pissed off index finger. 

_Need a favor. Now._

_Can’t in Ireland with Mr. Mason._

_Fucking kidding me?_

_Sorry. It was unexpected. Could Ivy do it? She wants to make things up to you._

Jimmy stared at the phone. It was his only plan. He sighed. It was better than nothing, he thought. He just hoped that when Thomas spotted her — because he would — he didn’t eat Ivy alive. Quickly, he texted Ivy that he needed a huge favor and he’d call her with details in about five minutes. 

Thomas pulled up in front of the Flaming Skunk, not even bothering to park. Jimmy sighed and looked at him. “Come in for a bit,” he tried. 

“Takes a while to loop back around to get to Carson’s.”

“Thomas, I still think…”

“No. I’m fine.”

Jimmy laughed. “No you’re not.” 

Thomas’ face softened and he carefully took Jimmy’s hand again in both of his. “I’m sorry…” he whispered. 

“I don’t care about the hand.” 

Thomas leaned down and kissed his hand. Jimmy eyes fluttered closed at the action. He was about to open them when Thomas’ lips brushed against his own. “Go to work, Love.” 

Jimmy opened his eyes and looked into the calm. “We’re not just ignoring it completely.” 

But Thomas eyes were that unhealthy calm and he shook his head minutely. Jimmy sighed and climbed out of the car. “Remember. Be mad at me not her.”

“What?”

“You’ll see.” 

Thomas blinked at him but he was being honked at and so he drove off. Jimmy quickly called Ivy and once again worried he was sending her to a bloody death.


	65. Chapter 65

“Jimmy, I can’t afford that place.”

“Put it on the plastic your parents gave you for emergencies.”

“This isn’t an emergency.”

“YES IT IS,” Jimmy shouted and all his co-workers who were in the backroom with him shot him looks. Andy especially shot him a curious and questioning gaze. He gave the room a general glare but focused on Ivy “You gotta do this for me. I’ll pay you back.”

“So, what am I supposed to do exactly?”

“Just go to the restaurant, find Thomas and keep an eye on him.”

“Why?”

“I can’t tell you that, it’s personal.” Thomas would murder him if shared his personal business with anyone. Him being him wouldn’t save him from that fight and he knew it. But he was terrified about Thomas’ emotional state and he had to make this stupid plan work. 

“You want me to go stare at him for you?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t get enough staring in on your own, you need other people to do it now?”

“Ivy,” Jimmy hissed. His nerves were frayed and on the edge of rushing him headlong into a panci attack. But he had to stay calm and in control. If Thomas lost his cool, Jimmy was the one who had pick up the pieces. But he was barely staving off the panic. 

Thomas was walking a razor thin line. He was allowing himself to feel only one emotion. Bitter anger. But it wasn’t on the right level. Thomas was angry and bitter but he wasn’t livid, he wasn’t lashing out enough. That scared Jimmy and he couldn’t articulate why at all. But the eerie calm he kept seeing in Thomas eyes was far worse than the idea of him just raging and lashing out. At being angry that a man who shoved him out of his life when he was sixteen had the fucking nerve to ask about him. Jimmy was livid, he was envisioning punishing the man. He envisioned punching people for Thomas a lot. Maybe someday he’d get too. Jimmy sighed. He didn’t want to send Ivy to do what he thought was his job, his role. He was the boyfriend. He would walk right out of his job right now if he didn’t think it would make things worse. It’d be him Thomas would rage at instead and that wouldn’t help anything. 

“Ok. I’ll do it, but it’s only because it’s for you,” she said softly with a bit of a sad sigh.

Jimmy cringed. “I promise, I’ll pay you back and I’ll owe you one.”

“I better get going.”

“You dressed well enough?” Jimmy asked and then rolled his eyes.

“What do you think? Honestly, sometimes I think you don’t know me at all.” Ivy hung up. 

“What was that?” Andy asked the minute he saw Jimmy close his phone.

“It’s personal,” Jimmy snapped.

Andy eyes widened and he held up his hand. “Sorry, sorry. You better sign and change.”

Jimmy sighed and headed toward the sign in clock. He glanced over his shoulder at Andy. “Sorry, sorry… I’m on edge but I can’t talk about it. It’s about Thomas but it’s his business, you know?”

“But he’s your business,” Andy teased.

“Of course he bloody is.”

“But you two aren’t together….” And there was the tease right on cue, Jimmy thought and he was about to roll his eyes and ignore it when it struck him that it wasn’t true. It wasn’t true any more at all. Suddenly the fear lessoned and a fuzzy soft happiness rose up in his chest. He started smiling.

“Actually we are together.”

“Since when?”

“Um…” Jimmy laughed as the word forever popped in his mind. “Last night, feels longer. A lot has happened.” He frowned the worry and fear rising up again. He stalked toward his locker not knowing what to do with his nervous energy.

“You know, dramatic things seem to happen to you two a lot.”

“We’re dramatic people I guess,” Jimmy sighed and changed into the black shirt was to wear while working. 

“So, who were you talking to?”

Jimmy sighed. “Ivy. I sent her to keep an eye on Thomas. I don’t like leaving him alone.”

Andy raised an eyebrow. “You one of those boyfriends?”

“What? No. Just worried, he got complicated information.”

“So, Ivy? Who is she?”

“You haven’t met her yet?” Jimmy asked. 

“Should I have?”

“I just thought… she’s living with Daisy.”

Andy’s face fell. “Daisy is in Ireland. She told me in a text.”

“At least she told you. I called her to do the spying, she is the far better choice.” 

“She’s giving me mixed signals,” Andy pouted.

Jimmy shrugged and headed out to his station, Andy trailing him since they were working together. “She’s complicated I think…” Thomas was complicated he thought and he felt wrong standing where he was and looked at the clock. Which just reinforced him thinking about Thomas and the situation with his father. “It’s going to be a long, night,” he whined. 

~~~

Thomas was early but that was what he had intended all along. He opened his laptop up at the table and opened it to the file he created to look over the questions he had for Clara Cotteril. They were many and he wasn’t quite she he was even asking the right ones but if he managed to get this conversation going in the direction he wanted Ms. Cotteril would be offering information to him without him having to ask too many pointed questions. 

A waiter dropped by the table and Thomas was surprised to see that his bowtie was askew. He eyed the tall man up and down and watched him pale at Thomas’ scrutiny. “Are you new?” he asked after a beat where the young man hadn’t yet to ask him if he wished to order anything. 

“Uh, yes, sir, sorry.”

Irritation scratched up his spine and he almost snapped at him that he wanted a better trained waiter but something stopped him. He felt the memory his father’s cold eyes and exacting nature. He stiffened up and shoved it away and inhaled sharply. “I would like a bottle of the Syrah and two glasses.” 

“Is that all?”

“For now.” Thomas nodded. He watched the waiter skitter away and thought he wasn’t long for the job. Then he frowned as familiar red-head walked into the room following the head waitress. Thomas scowled as he watched Ivy settle into a small table by the window. She looked around nervously and her blue eyes widened when they met Thomas’ own. Ivy gave him a nervous grin and waved her fingers. Thomas rolled his own and went back to his laptop. He told himself that she wasn’t there, he told himself that Jimmy was ridiculous to have sent a spy. He told himself there was no problem at all. 

None at all. 

A distraction appeared as his wine appeared being carried by Mr. Carson himself and Thomas felt his eyes brows raise upward as the stern man came up to his table. “Mr. Barrow it has been quite a long time.”

“Yes, it has.”

Mr. Carson poured him enough wine for a taste and Thomas reached to taste it but he felt off. Carson’s astute eyes on him and he wondered if the man knew about his father. He knew everyone who was everyone. He wasn’t part of the elite but he served the elite. The truth was Carson knew his father better than Thomas, longer than Thomas and suddenly he just knew the older man knew. He stopped short from picking up the glass and waved his hand. “Just pour it, I’ll pour the second when my guest arrives.”

“Very well,” Carson said and did as instructed but he didn’t move. 

“What?” Thomas asked in his rudest tone. 

“Always so insolent…” Carson gave him a reproachful stare but Thomas never cared what Charles Carson thought of him. 

“What is it you want?” 

Carson sighed. “I was uncertain if it was my place, but as you were once in my charge…”

“I already know.”

Carson raised an eyebrow and Thomas scoffed. “Did you think I’d look broken and worried?” 

Carson shook his head. “No, I suppose not. It’s always been a… uncomfortable business.”

Thomas laughed and he heard how bitter it sounded. “Yes, I must apology at how uncomfortable my life makes you.”

“Listen boy…” but Carson shut his mouth suddenly and took in a controlled breath. 

Thomas stared at him. “He is nothing to me.”

“And I see why that may be, Mr. Barrow but… I have heard he’s asked to speak with you.”

Thomas gritted his teeth. 

“I was sworn to never speak this to you but I feel… Given the situation and knowing your… Faults of character.” 

“Yes, let’s not forget my faults of character.” 

“Your father asked me to give your job with me all those years ago… he encouraged me to help you in what he rightfully guessed were your plans.” 

Thomas felt the floor drop out from under him and he just stared at the older man. Mr. Carson looked him over and nodded curtly. “Just in case, maybe underneath your selfish perspective that might make matters look differently.”

“Selfish?” Thomas snapped, anger rising up and taking him by surprised. He stood up and glared at Carson. “I didn’t runaway from home, Mr. Carson, and I never took handouts and this revision of our history sounds like a lovely story. And no more.” 

“Very well, Mr. Barrow,” Carson nodded and walked away. 

Thomas stood where he was his hands curled into a fist. He was breathing harshly and could the feel the anger he was feeling starting to fade into a much worse feeling of hurt. He inhaled sharply, sat down, pulled the wine glass toward him and decided it much too empty. He poured more into it and then took a generous gulp. Then another. It didn’t matter, the new knowledge meant little. It changed nothing and it was years, years later that he started working for Carson.

He took care of himself. He accepted the help he needed to survive and no more. He worked hard. He learned the hard lessons someone of his birth was supposed to be able to avoid. He took care of himself and had taken no handouts. 

What Carson said meant nothing, it meant little, even it was true and he found he couldn’t believe in the slightest despite knowing Charles Carson to be an honest man. But no, his father wouldn’t have helped his embarrassment of a son — especially in a job that meant Thomas served those he was meant to be equal too. That would’ve just added to his father’s embarrassment he was certain of it. 

No. He drank more of his wine and cursed the fact that he couldn’t smoke in the restaurant. Ms. Cotteril was do any moment and he had no time to go out side and light one. As he put his wine down he glanced over at Ivy and saw her typing furiously on her phone. Jimmy. He sighed and wished for the first time he let him come with him. Thomas yearned for his solid form to be simply next to him and felt guilt settle in his chest, remembering the literal bruising grip he had on his hand earlier. He sighed and glanced at Ivy again and caught her looking at him. But was it her? Maybe it was Jimmy? 

_I’m here._ he heard Jimmy in his head. He picked up his cellphone. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say to Jimmy but he felt the need to reach out. He wanted that grounding because he was feeling dizzy. Too many thoughts and feelings were threatening to spill out of him, he was holding too many things at bay and he wasn’t able to process any of it, because he didn’t want to — he shouldn’t have to be processing it. He was quite fond of the status quo when he was no longer the heir to Barrow Fortune and was just Thomas Barrow. Thomas Barrow self-built man. 

_Your father asked me to give your job with me all those years ago… he encouraged me to help you in what he rightfully guessed were your plans._

“No,” he shook his head, clenched his jaw and drew his hands into fists again. “No. Nothing has changed. Nothing,” he mumbled it to himself, he couldn’t just think it, he needed to hear it. 

“Mr. Barrow?”

He looked up and put on a charming grin. “Clara,” he stood up and offered his hand to her. 

“Thomas,” her return grin was flirtatious. “What has you finally agreeing to a drink with me?”

“My boyfriend, actually,” he said and felt a bit of aflutter at saying that out loud.

“Boyfriend? What lucky man is that?”

“Jimmy Kent? Perhaps you’ve seen him on youtube?” He said and glanced over at Ivy. She was drinking a glass of white wine and typing into her phone. But the sight of her just made him think about Jimmy and that was what he needed. Jimmy was what mattered to him. Everything else was noise. It was just noise. 

_Just noise_


	66. Chapter 66

_I’m here. He saw me. I waved. He was rude._ Jimmy rolled his eyes did she really think Thomas would say hello to her. No, he probably took one look at Ivy and got mad at Jimmy. But Jimmy could live with it because at least this way he was kind of keeping an eye on him. Sybil wouldn’t be impressed though but she knew how stubborn Thomas could be, he was doing all he could. 

“Um, I ordered a beer,” the woman with the nose ring said. 

“What? Sorry — uh, what kind again?”

“Lifehouse Tap.”

Jimmy grabbed the wine he poured from in front of her and wondered if it belonged to someone. Andy plucked it from his hand and handed it to a man with a mustache who looked like he was waiting for someone. “Try to pay attention, Jimmy.”

Jimmy shrugged a promise to on his tongue but he realized it would be empty. He filled the beer order and pulled out his phone and shot quick text to her. _How does he seem?_

“Hey, hey,” a customer was waving his arms at him in an exaggerated manner. Jimmy sighed but he put on his charming grin and leaned against the counter. The man started flirting with him and asking questions about the speciality drinks. Jimmy felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and had to force himself not turn away and take it. He finally got the guy to order a drink, but the second he turned around he pulled out his phone. 

_I think he scared the waiter. He’s kind of cute._

_Ivy I don’t give a fuck about the waiter._  
_Well, what am I supposed to tell you? He scared the poor thing and now this guy with horrid eyebrows is at his table. He really needs to pluck._

Jimmy rolled his eyes he didn’t need to hear about Carson’s eyebrows. Though it struck him weird Carson would be at Thomas’ table. Unless he went out to say hello out of some weird code of polite conduct. Carson had some strong rules on manners and how to be polite. Jimmy scowled and felt both relived he didn’t still work there and like he’d do anything to be there right now. He should be keeping an eye on Thomas and not Ivy. 

Sighing he started making the guy his drink and delivered if with a wink since t took him twice as long as it should have to make it. He took a few more orders and filled them. His phone staying silent and still in his pocket and driving him to distraction. Then as he was in the middle of an order for a group of girls out for a night of fun he felt it buzz. Immediately he was impatient but he had to listen to the women, and answer questions, and smile. But it became between gritted teeth and he nearly snapped order already to the one who kept changing her mind. Finally she picked a drink and he hurried off and pulled out his phone. 

_Okay, he got really mad at Unfortunate Eyebrows Guy. I mean he stood up and I thought he might punch him. He’s seriously tall isn’t he, and broad shoulder. He is hot, very manly. I get it now. But that was scary._

He been keeping his worry a slow buzz in the back of his mind, he kept telling himself that Ivy was better than nothing. But Thomas almost punched Carson? That sounded wrong, very wrong and in his mind he could see Thomas’ eyes going from that icy calm to something darker and stormy. Rage. But it didn’t make sense, he needed it to make more sense. Why wasn’t he there? He needed to ask her something. But what? Why would Carson talk with Thomas. He was back to that, why had Carson gone to Thomas. 

The stories Thomas told about his time at the restaurant made it sound like there was zero love between the two men. Thomas said he learned from him but not the lessons the older man tried to teach. Jimmy believed it. Carson was a dinosaur in the modern world, but his place was loved by all the rich and elite dinosaurs….

Thomas’ father. Did the man know Thomas’ father somehow? He was probably a patron. Would the restauranteur be informed of the man’s trip to the hospital? Jimmy felt his nerves swell up again and he told himself to not panic. He quickly shot a text to Ivy. 

_Can you hear them?_

“Dude,” Kelly one his co-workers yelled. “Those women are getting impatient.” 

Jimmy swore and quickly tried to remember what they ordered. He started making the drinks, certain they were wrong but what could he do? He sighed as the phone stayed quiet in his pocket again and remained so even after finishing four different cocktails. He made his way with the tray over to the women and gave what he hoped was a charming and handsome grin. They all tittered at him and hoped that was enough to make them shrug off that their order was probably wrong. He handed up the drinks. They all looked at him blankly. Finally the one who hedged and hawed sighed heavily. “So, I guess you are just cute and not all that bright. Shame. This isn’t what we ordered. Go get it right.” 

He was highly tempted to throw the drink still in his hand in her face, but it wouldn’t do to get fired — if he wasn’t going to get fired anyway after tonight. “Sorry, angel,” he said sarcastically. “Why don’t you remind me what you ordered?” 

They all gave him their orders again and he went to make them and sighed. What was taking Ivy so long to answer? He made three of the drinks when finally his phone buzzed and he yanked it out.

 _All I caught was something about someone being selfish. This place makes the best salmon, Jimmy._

_I don’t care what you ordered, what about being selfish? Is he still angry?_ He hurriedly tapped it out and then made the final drink, rushing through and probably putting in too much rum. He took them out and they gave him smiles and walked away. He guessed he lost a few fans, well their was a first time for anything. He took a few orders and his phone buzzed again. 

_He keeps glancing over at me but he doesn’t seem mad. He kind of just smiled in my direction. And some woman is sitting with now. She looks very posh._

Jimmy stared at the text and felt baffled. Thomas smiled at Ivy? 

~~~

If Thomas was honest with himself, Ivy was the only reason he was managing to stay focused on the bigger picture. His thought were being uncooperative and kept going back to Sybil’s face when she explained how his father asked for him and Carson’s revelation. But he couldn’t process either thing over the large buzz of resentment and rage that threatened to overpower him. And he couldn’t allow that — especially now sitting at a table with Clara Clotteril. 

It changed nothing. Thomas’ life carried on and right now Thomas’ life was Jimmy. Which meant that he would do everything in his power to give Jimmy the best shot he had to become the rockstar he not only wanted to be but had the talent to be. Clara turned out to be more than helpful and she had heard of Jimmy but admitted to not have watched any of his videos, saying she was quite too old to be listening to Youtube. But she heard stories and people mentioning him and there. She was forthright about his questions and even looked at the Pipeline contract for him and answered a few questions. 

He was feeling like he was starting to get a bit of footing on the subjects he needed to understand. He wasn’t going to let his distracted mind let him drift off track, so he kept staring at Jimmy’s spy. Like she was his Jimmy. He glanced over and her wide eyes were looking right at him again and he found himself shooting a small awkward smile back. 

“Well, why don’t you tell me about Jimmy now? What kind of music does he write?”

Thomas eyebrows rose as he realized he didn’t know the answer to that really. He grabbed his phone and started to pull up youtube. “Well, I know little about those kind of things…. But if you’re willing to look at youtube.” 

“Oh, of course,” she said. 

Thomas felt a wave of relief and quickly found a youtube of the most recent show at The Pixie. He pushed play and pushed his phone across the table. Clara picked it up and he watched her watch the screen. Nervously. At first it was just the sound of Jimmy’s guitar but then his voice filled the air and Thomas eyes slid shut and he focused in on the sound of him. It made it easier to keep pushing away all the things he was refusing to think about and think on. Jimmy was his focus and his sanctuary. 

“Did he write this?” Clara asked.

Thomas eyes opened and he listened to the lyrics but wasn’t sure why he was bothering. Jimmy sang both original and covers but Thomas was more of a classical music fan than anything. He wasn’t sure if the current song playing was his own or not. He looked across the room, Ivy was digging into what looked like a tiramisu. He cleared his throat. “Ivy?”

Both Ivy and Clara looked at him. He nodded at Clara. “This is Ivy,” he said and waved her over. “Bring your dessert,” he added. 

Ivy nodded and gathered her things, as well as her food and wine. She sat down between the two of them at the table and looked at Thomas nervously. 

“Is this one of Jimmy’s originals?” Thomas asked her and pointed to the phone.

Ivy took it and nodded. “That’s Secrets From Myself, he wrote that last year…” she tilted her head and hummed something. “He switched up the arrangement a bit, how did I miss that?” 

“You sing with him?”

“Used too, he doesn’t much need me anymore,” Ivy said to Clara with a sad smile. 

“He’ asked you to sing with him,” Thomas said. 

“Yeah but…” Ivy shook her head. “He was always the one with the talent.” 

“Is this his genre?”

“Mostly, but he’ll do more pop things and he has a lot in arsenal that’s closer to classic rock. Like Rundown. I mean Rundown is his best…” she took the phone again. “He sang it at the end of this set…” she fiddled with the phone and nodded. “Here it is.” 

Thomas watched the two women, his heart pounding as he saw Clara’s expressions going from interested, to more interested and into something he’d seen a million times but would never grow tired of…. Clara Clotteril became a Jimmy Kent fan from the first word of Rundown. She stared at the video entranced and Thomas felt his heart rate start pound and he caught Ivy eyes and grinned. 

Ivy looked perplexed and he leaned toward her and whispered in her ear. “She works for Phoenix records.” 

“Oh,” Ivy gasped and covered her mouth, but Clara was clueless she was still enraptured with Jimmy. She stared at the woman and then grinned back at Thomas. 

The video ended and Clara pushed it back across the table toward Thomas. “Thomas Barrow, what have you found me? Yes, let’s set up a meeting so I can talk to this young man.” 

Thomas bit the inside of his cheek so he wouldn’t smile too widely. He was in the position where he needed to play it cool. Ivy however was not and he wasn’t surprised at all when she whooped and shouted yes. Clara glanced at her and politely covered a laugh with a cough. Thomas pulled out his appointment book and nodded at her. “He works most nights and Fridays is when he plays. Meeting at the Pixie before his set? Everyone can watch him live, the videos don’t do it justice.” 

“That sounds doable. This coming Friday then, I’m sure I can get the right people together….” Clara nodded.

‘Oh, my god.” Ivy couldn’t help herself. 

“Sounds great, Clara. Thank you for answering my questions and giving Jimmy a listen.”

“Don’t be sly, Thomas. You knew what you were doing,” Clara said but she was grinning. “It was lovely meeting you, Ivy.”

“You too,” Ivy said and shook her hand.

Thomas watched Clara walk away and then he leaned back in his chair and grinned. He was satisfied, he was proud of himself and it’d gone exactly how he hoped and possibility better since Ivy been there to answer Clara’s questions. He looked at Ivy and felt slapped by the reminder of why she was there and he closed his eyes. 

“Are you okay?” Ivy asked. 

“I’m thrilled,” he gave her real smile. How could he not be? “He’s going to get a contract, Ivy. A good one.” 

Ivy grinned. 

Thomas nodded.

“Why am I here?” she asked. 

He sighed and looked away. 

“Something’s wrong. Jimmy wouldn’t say but… I mean, I wasn’t here for the deal.”

“You helped though, thank you,” Thomas said seriously and putting off the real reason she was present. 

“Anything for Jimmy.”

Thomas nodded. 

“He’s worried.”

“I know,” Thomas said and he reached for his glass of wine. “Finish your tiramisu. I’ll pay for both of us.”

“Really? Thank you,” she said with a sigh of relief. “Oh, he’s buzzing again.” 

Thomas watched her pull out her phone. “What is he asking?”

“Same thing he’s been asking all night. If you seem okay.”

“I’ll answer him this time,” Thomas said as he focused on his phone. 

“You aren’t telling him about the meeting though, right?”

“No. I’ll do that in person.”

“You do seem distracted.”

Thomas nodded because he was and he hated it. “Yeah, but he’s keeping me grounded.”

“How’s he doing that?”

“He sent you.” 

_Thank you for her._ he texted to Jimmy with a smile, let that knock Jimmy off kilter.


	67. Chapter 67

Thomas wasn’t quite sure what to do with Ivy now that he was with her for the night. A part of him wanted to be angry with Jimmy for sending her, but he found it hard to be when her presence was vital to him getting Jimmy a shot with the biggest label in the U.K. But now there he was sitting with her and watching her finish off her tiramisu, as their waiter kept stealing glances at her — and Thomas wondered if it was her looks or her appreciative noises the taste of the food. 

“Mrs. Patmore is going to be so upset,” Ivy said.

Thomas brought his glass of water to his mouth and took a sip.

“She’s the best baker I know and her tiramisu is not as good as this, she’s going to be so upset.”

“Why tell her, then?” he asked not that he cared about Mrs. Patmore’s feelings.

“Oh, we’re always supposed to tell her when we find great desserts. And bring her piece so she can taste it — and then she’ll make hers even better. I’m her top pastry student.” 

“You aren’t studying music?”

“Oh. No. I mean, I love it — I want to be an actress but… I like baking.” 

“Right,” Thomas sighed and tapped his fingers on the table, his mind wandering back to why Ivy was sitting at the table. His father. He clenched his jaw and tried to push it all away. Sybil never should’ve told him, he might have read it in the paper, or heard something on the news, or the radio. And he would have worried because that was his first reaction when he heard her tell him he had a heart attack. But it’d flitted away quickly, anger rising up, what did it matter. His father never cared about him, never, only that he was a son — and when he turned out not have the proper qualifications to be a son, Thomas was tossed out alone and in the cold. Having to rely on people that just reminded him what his father ripped him away from. He was told he wasn’t good enough and he fought hard to make his own place, his own name and he succeeded. 

Maybe he didn’t want to the run Edith’s club any longer and maybe he didn’t want to run his own club any longer — and that made him nervous because what was it he would do? Jimmy. Jimmy was his focus right now, he had time to figure out himself but he could help Jimmy, he could get Jimmy his dream because with his talent and Thomas’ know how they could navigate the music industry together and not miss a beat. Because Thomas Barrow was a name that people knew, that people respected and in running a nightclub he’d met more than one important person in the entertainment industry. 

Clara Clotteril was the top of the list and Thomas wasn’t going to do anything by halves. He glanced at Ivy and thought again that she helped him clinch, faster than he’d thought possible. He thought Jimmy would have to do the hard hard sell — but his talent and charisma would win her over. Now, now, Jimmy’s part of the plan was going to be even more smooth sailing and it might even put the over the top. He’d put them in an even better bargaining position because he would wrap Clotteril and her minions around his pinky with his voice, with his fingers on his guitar strings, his lyrics and that wink and smirk that made anyone putty in his hands. 

“She really going to give Jimmy a record deal?”

“After meeting him, yes, she will.”

“You seem so sure.”

“I am,” he said and watched her. “You helped.”

“Me?” Ivy grinned. “Really?”

“Had answers I didn’t, about the music.”

“Oh, well, he and I’ve been singing together since grade school.” 

“Right….” Thomas frowned at the thought she didn’t talk to Jimmy for nearly a month. Irritation spiked up that she walked away from him and the image of his father throwing his luggage out the door and slamming the door to their home closed in his face. 

“What?”

Thomas glared back at her. 

“This is when you eat me isn’t it?” she asked with wide eyes.

“What?”

“I heard Jimmy muttering that you might eat me. It was right before he hung up, I doubt was I meant to hear it. Are you going to eat me?”

She sounded so serious, so worried he might eat her that Thomas found himself instantly amused and he shook his head. He told himself Jimmy was forgiving her and he told himself she walked back into Jimmy life and seemed to be handling the truth with some form of — well it wasn’t aplomb, she wasn’t the type to have aplomb but he guessed it was something close enough. 

Ivy was genuine in a simple way that he found boring, but Jimmy loved her and Thomas couldn’t help but wonder if it was close to how he felt about Sybil. Thomas has known her since they were children. 

“I’m not going to eat you.”

“That’s a relief. I like being alive,” she grinned at him.

He started laughing and wasn’t at all sure if it was at her or with her. He waved for the waiter, seeing she was about done with her dessert. He asked for the checks for his and Ivy’s orders. 

“I can pay…” Ivy said but her entire face said she rather not. 

“No,” Thomas said. “You won’t.”

“But…” and he smirked because it was obvious she didn’t want to pay, but she was trying to be polite and Thomas found himself feeling amused by her again. 

“Ivy,” he said. “I’m paying but don’t tell Jimmy.”

“What? Why?”

“No reason you shouldn’t make some money off of spying on me for him.”

She stared at him. 

“Seems reasonable don’t you think,” he said and he took the checks from the waiter and looked them over. “Yes, I think you’re spying skills, along with helping me have a successful meeting with Ms. Clotteril means you have earned the fifty or so pounds your meal here was tonight.” 

“I couldn’t!”

“You will,” Thomas said. “He offered to reimburse you didn’t he?”

“Well, yeah, why I splurged a little.” 

He pulled out his wallet. “Never do anything for free, Ivy.” 

“Well…” she shook her head. “You do have a point.” 

“Okay, let’s leave then and go tell him the good news.”

“Oh! I can come?”

Thomas rolled his eyes. “You helped, remember?”

“Right? Really?” she said again.

“I’ll make sure Jimmy knows.”

She beamed at him which had him wondering about her feelings for Jimmy. The crush he was always complaining about but Thomas hadn’t been fooled, Jimmy was flattered and he had enjoyed it. His ego was too big for him not to have but he cared about Ivy — but never loved her. Thomas knew unrequited love, he felt more than once in his lifetime and he would never wish it on anyone — even a simple girl like Ivy. He frowned again and remembered she hurt Jimmy. He cast a wary eye at her as they left the restaurant, he started leading them toward his car. 

“Did you drive?” he asked when they reached, realizing he should have asked earlier.

“Taxi.”

“Make sure Jimmy hands over money for that too.”

Ivy giggled and got in his car. Thomas slid behind the drivers seat and started it up. He was feeling impatient now, wanting to tell Jimmy what happened, wanting to see his face when Thomas told him about the meeting. It could change his life, their life, Thomas felt his heart rate pick up. 

“So, uh…” Ivy said. 

Thomas pulled into traffic.

“Why was I spying on you?”

His father once again in his mind, an image of him that was far of a decade too young. He hadn’t a clue what his father looked like in old age and he didn’t want to know. He didn’t care what the passage of time may have done to his father’s face. Thomas gripped the steering wheel too tightly as bitterness washed through him. 

“I shouldn’t have asked, huh?” Ivy said. 

Thomas glanced at her and she was looking at him apologetically, which he wasn’t sure he deserved. Or why she would? Why would she care? He kept driving and kept pushing away any thought that was or felt like it might be about his father. His anger with Sybil kept rising, he didn’t understand why she’d come to with it? Why she even told him? How she could ever thought to suggest he see the man? He didn’t care if that man was critical. He didn’t care if that man was going to die because his heart stopped. It was ironic really but thought wasn’t welcome either, none where, thoughts about his father were not allowed. 

“So, um…” Ivy said. 

Thomas felt an odd rush of relief she was talking again and that shook him a bit. But he breathed out and glanced over at her, feeling sure she wasn’t going to press him about anything he didn’t wish to talk about. 

“Jimmy loves you,” she said. 

The words pushed a button inside of him and suddenly everything was golden. Jimmy loved him. Him? And this girl knew it and was saying it and somehow it made it all feel real. It made the night before and the morning, the whole rush of finally saying it and acting on it hit him again. The best moment of his life weren’t even a day old. Thomas felt his face light up and a smile appear that he couldn’t control. 

“You know?” She shook her head. “Now, I’m all thrown off.”

Thomas glanced at her confused.

“I just.. He loves you, and Daisy assures me that you love him. Do you love him?”

He wasn’t in the habit of telling people his feelings, he barely dealt with them himself and he knew it. How he felt about Jimmy was shiny and bright and unlike anything else in his life. Jimmy was singular and he wasn’t about to go telling people anything about the feelings that evoked. It didn’t matter how awe-struck he felt, or how deep the well of love went. If anything that made him want to shut everyone else out harder and hold onto this crazy gift he somehow found himself with. 

But he glanced at Ivy and he saw an determination in the way she was holding up her face and staring right at him. It looked like she was trying to make herself look harder than she was — than she could manage and curiosity got the better of him. “Why?”

“Then I really don’t get it,” she said. “Why the whole ‘we aren’t together’ thing? I thought maybe you were just stringing him along but Daisy says that not it. She says you two are just stupid but… Never known Jimmy not to just take what he wants…”

Images of Jimmy barreling in to the apartment and taking him, all the time talking about how much he wanted it appeared in Thomas mind and he nearly ran a red light. HIs foot hard on the brakes made the lurch forward and he prayed Ivy wouldn’t notice the hot blush that was on his cheeks. 

“…So, I’m confused.” Ivy finished her thought.

Thomas wondered if he had a right to tell her. To tell her that they were together now and people could stop nagging them to get over themselves. Because they’d managed and he would never tell Sybil this but she’d been right along. 

“It’s green,” Ivy said.

Thomas started driving again and shook his head. Jimmy sent her to spy on him, he couldn’t get mad at Thomas for being the one to tell her, now could he? “We’re together.” 

“What?” she shouted her hand shooting up and covering her mouth. 

“We’re together,” Thomas said and grinned. 

“Since when?”

“Last night.”

“Oh.” 

“I won’t hurt him,” Thomas heard himself saying softly a few minutes later his eyes pointedly on the road.

“Please don’t,” Ivy sniffled. 

It made him glance over at her and saw her wiping her eyes. 

“I… I did cause I was stupid. And Alfred… We both have to deal with knowing Alfred’s a world class arse. And he lost his mum and he’s never been the same. So don’t.” 

Thomas reached over to open the glovebox and grabbed the travel-sized package of tissues and handed them to her. Ivy took the tissues, sniffled again but smiled at him. Thomas nodded and they drove the last ten minutes to the bar in silence.


	68. Chapter 68

Sybil was surprised to see Philip in Rupert Barrow’s room. He stood the minute she walked in. She looked between him and Mr. Barrow. His surgery was successful and he looked much better. Not the faded man she been afraid might die and she instantly felt uncomfortable about telling Thomas. More comfortable she corrected herself because she never was sure she should’ve had that conversation. 

“Sybil Crawley?” Mr. Barrow said and it was clear he was surprised to see her. Did he even remember asking about Thomas? 

“Mr. Barrow.”

“I’ve heard you were in medicine? Is it cardiac you’re studying?”

“No,” she said and she glanced at Philip. 

Philip cocked his head slightly toward the door. “I have a few things I need to talk to Sybil about, Rupert…” 

Sybil nearly gasped as Rupert Barrow looked at the two of them with narrow eyes. It was Thomas knowing he was missing something, it was Thomas trying to piece together the clues. She tore her eyes away from him quickly and followed Philip into the hallway. 

Philip watched her close the door behind him and shook his head. “He hasn’t asked about him again… And I can’t tell if the old coot remembers or not.” 

Sybil growled. 

Philip raised an eyebrow at her.

“So, what did I do? Remind Thomas about what that… that… that… bastard put him through for nothing. Nothing?” 

Philip shrugged. “Thomas is tough, it’s not like he was going to waltz in here anyway, Sybil.”

She glared at him. “Philip, you told me, you’re the one who told me I should tell him.”

“I did no such thing, I told you so you could make the right choice. I guess you didn’t by the looks of you.” 

“I hate you,” she spat out. 

“I feel flattered.”

She stared at him baffled. 

“The great Saint Sybil, who loves all, can’t stand me… it’s an exceptional achievement,” Philip snapped. “The way he holds you up, the great Sybil Crawly, the way the two of held up the emotional fuck up — “ 

Sybil slapped him. 

Philip laughed. 

She instantly felt stupid but she couldn’t say she regretted it because something was clear. “You didn’t tell me out any good feeling for Thomas did you?”

Philip shook his head. “Believe what you want, Sybil. Thomas will always be important to me. Though, I suppose I’ll be nothing bad memory.” 

She wished she could believe him and she turned back to the closed door behind her. She looked at her watch and saw it was going on one o’clock. She wasn’t going to make it the Flaming Skunk. Thomas texted her a few hours ago telling her to meet him and Jimmy there. He had news and she was sure it was about his meeting with the woman from the record company. She knew it must be truly good news because Thomas wouldn’t want to celebrate for less than a direct winning score. He hadn’t said they’d be celebrating but she knew him, she knew him well enough to sense his tone in texts. 

He wasn’t dealing with the news about his father, at all. She was worried and she tried to tell herself she trusted Jimmy with him. But she wasn’t positive. They were playing games with each other — no not games but they were both lying to themselves and each other. Maybe if they were together with no more stupidity between them she would have more faith in Jimmy. 

“He loves him,” she muttered to herself and she looked at the door. She needed to follow up. She needed to see if she could figure out if Rupert Barrow’s inquiries about his son were maybe on the level, that maybe they’d been meant and hadn’t just be the rantings of a sick man. 

“You going in?” Philip asked her and she jumped having forgotten him. 

“Yes.”

“I’ll go get a coffee then…”

She watched him walk away and wondered why he was there, but then again his father and Rupert were close, best of friends probably. Two arseholes in a pea pod, she thought and she walked into the room.   
Rupert Barrow looked up from magazine he was reading and quickly hid it from her sight, pushing it under the covers. It instantly piqued her curiosity but she ignored it. “How are you feeling?”

He pinned her with hard eyes. “Why are you here?”

“Philip told me about your heart attack.”

“Did he send you?”

“Philip?” she asked playing dumb.

Rupert Barrow glared at her. 

“He didn’t.” She let it hang there. 

He studied her and she tried to ignore the resemblance to Thomas but it was hard. It was crashing down on her that this man was his father, this man was part of who Thomas. For good or bad and it was bad, it was years of bad. 

“No, I don’t suppose he would,” Mr. Barrow said.

“Can you blame him?”

“No.”

She was bit taken back by that and she narrowed her own eyes. “Do you remember?”

His eyes narrowed further and Sybil almost turned around to leave, thinking this was pointless when he spoke. “Philip is dating a lovely woman, have you met her?”

Sybil rolled her eyes. “What?”

“Have you?”

“No.”

“Will you?”

“Why would I?” she snapped. “I don’t care much about Philip’s fake girlfriends.” 

He laughed. “Your sister was one.”

“Mary’s as manipulative as he is.” 

“Ah yes… Philip is a master at it. It will serve him well in the future.”

“Yes, his unhappy future.”

“Will it?” Mr. Barrow asked. 

Sybil shook her head and wondered exactly what it was they were talking about. “He’s choosing to appease his homophobic arsehole of a father,” she bit out. 

Mr. Barrow stiffened and winced because of it. Sybil thought maybe she should tell him to be careful but she couldn’t bring herself too. Her eyes did dart to his heart monitor and it was elevated slightly but no alarms were going off. Her eyes swung back to him and he was glaring at her.   
“Philip will never be happy,” she said. “But Thomas will be.”

His expression into something unreadable and she was grateful to not see Thomas in it but it was rattling her nonetheless. His hand reached under his covers and he pulled out the magazine he was reading. He flipped a few pages and let out a sigh. 

“This man? He is why?” His voice was rough like the words hurt him on their way out. 

She walked further into the room, toward the bed and she took the magazine. It was one of the newer tabloids that everyone seemed to love. Thomas and Jimmy were on their own page. The two of them, heads together, by the stage of The Pixie. They were smiling, eyes locked in that way they had and she couldn’t help but smile at them and think _idiots._ She handed him the magazine back and nodded. 

“He’s young.” 

That wasn’t what she was expecting. 

“Is he fickle, youth often is.”

“What?” she stammered.

“My heart is quite a mess, the doctor’s are amazed at my recovery. It’s quite a stubborn thing I suppose. I keep my eye out for him — since he has a profile, one gotten quite on his own isn’t it? He didn’t need me or the money.”

“Oh, he needed you,” she hissed.

He looked at her and his eyes were hard. “He is so much like his mother even if his looks favor me. She’d be quite livid with me you know.” 

“Am I supposed to be surprised a mother would hate the man who tossed their son out on his own at sixteen.” 

“You have quite the mouth on you don’t you… I guess it’s not only Mary who is like your grandmother.” 

Sybil rolled her eyes. 

“I keep my eye out… on him. I don’t think about it, it’s just something I do a few times a month, maybe more. It’s been more of late, I will admit now to you.” 

“I’m not impressed.” 

“No, no you aren’t but I as I felt the pain of my cardiac arrest he was all thought about… I am an old man with regrets.”

“Welcome to the cliche.”

“I remember asking both you and Philip about him… my mind wasn’t clear though, I was quite sure he was with Philip at the time.”

“They broke it off not too long ago — for good this time.”

“The boy?” he looked at the magazine.

“He’s not a boy.”

“He’s young.”

“He loves Thomas. Loves him.” 

“Loves. Something you think I don’t?”

“If you do, you have a funny way of showing it.”

“Did you tell him, that I was here?”

“I did.”

“And?”

“And what?” 

“Sybil, he is my son.”

She laughed. She laughed hard and for a long time. Aware of Mr. Barrow’s hard stare on her the entire time. “No he isn’t,” she said unable to get the giggle out of her voice until she spoke again. “He’s been no one’s son since you tossed him out.” 

“Just…” he shouted and his heart monitors started to beep. 

Sybil stood glaring at him, her own heart pounding. 

“He’s my son!” he yelled.

“No, Mr. Barrow he’s not,” Sybil said softly and she turned to leave the room as a nurse ran into it. She felt angry and a bit confused. She was uncomfortable still, about the whole thing, all of it. She thought maybe if his son wasn’t someone she knew, someone she loved, she might care about his regrets. She might care about the sudden knowledge he missed Thomas enough to keep track of him. It was an backwards way to love someone and she was livid, probably as much as Thomas’ mother would be if she was alive. Rupert Barrow deserved no sympathy. And not caring about another person felt strange and odd. It settled uncomfortably in her chest.

The minute she was in her car in the parking garage she pulled out her phone and called Tom. He, thankfully, answered quickly and his voice saying her name was instantly calming. 

“Sybil?” he said again after she didn’t answer. 

“Hi,” she said.

“Hi. Are you at the Flaming Skunk?”

“No. Still at the hospital. Well, in my car.” 

“What is it?”

“Thomas,” she sighed. 

“Something happen?”

“Not really, no. I spoke with Mr. Barrow again.”

“Oh. Does he still want to see him?”

“Yes, I think so.”

“Is that good?”

“He doesn’t deserve him.” 

“So, not good.” 

“No, never. He deserves his regrets. He does. I hate him.”

“Sybil you don’t…”

“No, no I do. I hate him. Even more than Philip. That’s dislike. This is… I hate him, Tom.” 

“Sybil…”

“I never should have told Thomas.”

“You owed him that.”

“Did I? Cause all it did was make him angry. This is just going to hurt him, in the end.”

“It won’t, you said he wants nothing to do with him.”

“Tom? Don’t be daft. It’s his father, he’ll aways wonder and I put that back into his head, into the forefront of his mind,” she sighed. 

“Go to my place, you have the key… I’ll get home as soon as I can.”

Sybil sighed in relieved. “Was hoping you’d say that.” 

She hung up the phone but opened a text to Thomas. _Sorry, got caught up late. Going to Tom’s. See you soon._ She felt like she was lying to him but shook it off. He didn’t need to know about the conversation, he didn’t, she told herself. “He needn’t know,” she mumbled as she started her car.


	69. Chapter 69

Jimmy felt like too many things happened all at once. He and Thomas were together — they were together — it was huge and it was perfect. It had him randomly grinning wide and like a loon. He was asked more than once what had him smiling so wide but he answered with a shake of his head. It belonged to only him and he was going to cherish it and revel it. But their was a problem because now Thomas’s father was in their lives. Well, no, not in their lives that wasn’t the right word. But he existed now as a real person. Sybil spoken with him. He’d spoken his son’s name and Thomas knew it. 

And buried it too quickly and looked far too calm. Some bitterness leaked through but that was the thing. That was typical Thomas, that was what Thomas did when he wasn’t in the mood to get. His mood went acidic and his tongue lashed out and the snark would fly. The cutting jokes and sharp remarks. Jimmy thought maybe it should comfort him that Thomas was dealing with it in a way that while maybe not healthy was normal for him. But it worried him. The calm and with it, the stubbornly going on with his life as planned… 

He worried about the truth that Thomas was shoving away. The depth of anger and bitterness. The clocks, the watches, the company — Jimmy seen it, seen Thomas yearning for that life and his stubborn insistence it wasn’t possible. Impossible. Jimmy frowned because the Thomas he knew could do the impossible. 

Which was the third thing, the bastard hadn’t gone out and held a meeting with a top record producer to simply learn about the industry. Thomas’ goal hadn’t been to get lessons in how to be his manager and do it perfectly. Not what Thomas done was get him a fucking meeting with a top producer at the top music label in Britain. 

Jimmy was back to smiling like loon as his nerves made him tap his fingers against Thomas’ thigh. Where his hand was they drove through the streets toward Ivy’s home. She was in the backseat past out, having drunk most of the champagne Thomas ordered to celebrate the news. 

Jimmy was trying to process it still — he had a meeting, he was possibly a few days away from having a contract. He was possibly a few days way from making demo record. A single on the radio. A music video. His mind was getting away from him and none of it resembled any of his past fantasies because it was firmly grounded because Thomas was in every though, was part of every step — and he believed in Thomas. Thomas got things done. 

Thomas hand fell onto his as he stopped at a streetlight. They glanced toward each other and Jimmy was hit with the rush that they could touch like they were. Hands held on Thomas’ thigh and he grinned or tried too but it was getting impossible to grin wider. He shook his head and ducked it down. His heart racing and too many disparate thoughts in his head fighting to be put first. He turned his hand over and laced his fingers with Thomas. He could drive with one hand, the car was already in drive — good thing it was an automatic. Thomas squeezed his hand and then the car was moving again. 

Jimmy closed his eyes and tried to focus his thoughts. The problem was he thought he should be focusing on the bad news, the tougher news, the complicated issue. But the rush of them being together was new and the news about the meeting with Clara Clotteril was at a level of awe he was having trouble believing it happened. But Thomas been blunt and Ivy nearly broke his eardrums with her happiness about it — about how she helped. 

He looked at her via the rearview mirror and felt a familiar fondness. She was annoying as hell but she was loyal and sweet. He still felt grateful she was back in his life — another thing he was yet to process. His life was moving at a speed that he wasn’t quite sure his mind could keep up with.   
The GPS broke into his thoughts, announcing they’d reached their destination. Jimmy let go of Thomas hand reluctantly as he pulled to a stop outside Mr. Mason’s home. Where both Daisy and Ivy were living, it was dark because Daisy and Mr. Mason were out of the country. Jimmy frowned a bit at that but the neighborhood looked quiet. He undid his seatbelt and got out of the car and opened the backdoor. 

“Hey, Ivs,” he said as he shook her shoulder.

She woke up slowly and he watched her wearily but she didn’t look too worse for wear. Her eyes blinked open and at him. “You’re gonna be a rockstar,” she said in a dreamy tone. “It’s coming true.” 

He laughed and grabbed her hand “Come on, let’s you inside.” 

She got out of the car but then she was bending back into it. “Thomas! Goodbye, Thomas. I think I like you now… thank you for making sure I made a profit tonight.” 

“What?” Jimmy asked.

Thomas was laughing. 

“What does that mean?”

“He paid for everything at the restaurant, even told me run up what I spent by the amount I paid the taxi.”

“I forgot the lesson on not telling you everything,” Thomas winked at him.

Jimmy rolled his eyes. “Okay, come on Ivy.”

“He’s really not as scary and grown up than he looks,” Ivy muttered as the walked up towards the door. 

“You really con me out of my money?”

“Yep.” She grinned at him and swayed at bit as the stopped in front of the door. 

“Good girl,” he said. “Keys?”

“Oh.” She pulled her keys from her purse and unlocked the door. Jimmy watched and pleased to see she had the coordination. She walked inside and flicked on the light. Jimmy stepped in after her and glanced around. It was a small home, but well taken care of and it seemed cozy. It smelled faintly of cookies but that followed with Ivy living there. 

“You good?” he asked her.

“Yeah, I’m used to it here,” she already kicked off her shoes. “Going to have some tea and watch my shows for a bit. It’s nice to watch my soaps without you and Alfred making cracks about ‘em.”

They both made a face at the mention of Alfred. 

“Will it stop hurting?” she asked. 

“No, but we’ll get a better at handling it,” he said. If anything losing his mum had taught him was that holes never got filled again but other things grew up around them. 

“Hope so,” she said and leaned up on her toes and kissed his cheek. “I do think I might like him now.”

“Thomas?”

“Yeah… I’m happy you two stopped being stupid.”

Jimmy grinned but then he remembered why Ivy been with Thomas, why they took her home. “Was he? Tonight, was he okay?”

“Yeah, I mean, there was that moment with the guy at the restaurant. The owner I think, it looked like Thomas wanted to murder him. But then it was all over and he was well… impressive with the woman from the record company. I can’t believe he asked me over to talk with her.” 

Jimmy grinned. “You had answers he needed.”

“Yeah, I know your songs pretty well. Even if you seem to have changed them all up.”

“Been messing a bit…” he realized something. “Look, when I meet this Ms. Clotteril, I want you there. I want you singing back up, okay? We’ll practice I promise.” 

She nodded and then hugged him. “You better go, he’s going to think I’m trying to seduce you.” 

Jimmy burst out laughing.

“That better not be at seduction powers.”

“No comment.”

“Argh,” she stepped back and punched him in the shoulder lightly. “Good riddance, Jimmy Kent.” 

He walked out the door laughing. “Lock it,” he said as it closed and he stood there until he heard the click. He turned around and wondered what it was Thomas and Carson argued about. He knew Thomas had no love for the older man. It could just be past business but his instinct was nagging at him it wasn’t something that simple. 

He slid back into the car and the second he and Thomas’ gazes caught he grinned again. He grinned again because he didn’t have to pretend he didn’t want to lunge forward and kiss him. He grinned because he could lunge forward and kiss him. 

They were kissing in seconds, Jimmy tasting champagne and smoke on Thomas’ tongue. He pulled back only enough to meet Thomas eyes and raised an eyebrow. “You went out for a smoke, that’s where you disappeared too?”

Thomas sighed but nodded.

Jimmy frowned because he knew why, of course he knew why. “We should talk about it.”

“My smoking habit.”

“No, I’m not fucking Sybil, but about why.”

“I’m not going to talk about it,” Thomas said and he started the car. 

Jimmy sighed. 

They drove in silence. It wasn’t awkward nor uncomfortable but it was something. Something Jimmy couldn’t quite pinpoint and he kept seeing Sybil’s face, the worried expression that flickered across her face because she didn’t trust him with Thomas. Not completely and she probably never would Jimmy thought. She been Thomas lifeline for so long, the two of them grieving Edward together for years. But he wanted her to trust him but he wanted to trust himself with Thomas even more — and his instincts were telling him not to let Thomas bury it and pretend he hadn’t heard what Sybil told them. 

It wasn’t about the heart attack. It wasn’t about the possibility the man could die. It wasn’t that… With what Mr. Barrow had done to his son, he didn’t deserve some deathbed forgiveness. And maybe it was saying that to Thomas that mattered — he owed the man nothing. Yet the man asked about him? Was it the fear of death? Or was there more to it? Jimmy sighed and thought about his own father. He was putting off dealing with him and it’d been easy to do because his father hadn’t called again. 

Had his father just decided to let him go? It was a relief Jimmy thought but then he’d never gotten along with his father. Though neither had Thomas, Thomas said they only got along when it came to clocks and watches. But Jimmy never had that with his father. He was just the man who’d come and gone, who sometimes bought home money and but mostly racked up gambling debts. The issues were different. Jimmy glanced at Thomas, at his straight spine and focused eyes. He grew up working, he was on Jimmy’s level of success in a lot ways though he was twice as successful. Against the odds put against him. He was meant to be rich, he was meant to have name that meant something. 

And none of it been allowed and Thomas was bitter. They’d had a passion in common though, Thomas and his father. It was that that kept weighing on Jimmy’s mind. The relationship was broken, Thomas was punished for something outside of his control. Neither of those things would ever be right nor could they put back into a box. No, there was no forgiveness. 

But what was the older Barrow thinking? Did he want some sort of redemption? Was he feeling guilty because he nearly died? Was it more than that? If he did want redemption…wasn’t that something that could be good for Thomas? 

“I know it’s impossible for you to forgive him,” Jimmy said as Thomas pulled into his parking spot by their flat. 

Thomas looked over at him his entire expression stormy agreement. 

“But…”

“I don’t want a _but it’s your father_ speech.”

“Not gonna give you one. He’s an arse.”

Thomas stared at him. “Then what?”

“Just saying if the bastard feels guilty enough… There are things you could take from him.” 

“What?”

“Late in life change of heart? Epiphany that he almost died without making things up to his only son… There are things you could get back that you never should have lost.” 

Thomas stared at him his mouth falling open a bit. 

Jimmy nodded. 

Thomas laughed a bit but he shook his head. “He’s… he doesn’t feel an ounce of guilt, Jimmy. I’m sure of it, it’s moot.” 

“But…”

“No buts, it’s not on the table,” Thomas said and he got out of the car. Jimmy watched him slam the door closed. He sighed and decided to drop his train of thought for the moment. His door opened before his hand reached the handle and then Thomas was offering his hand. Grinning Jimmy took it and found himself lifted to his feet. 

Thomas leaned down and kissed him, soft lips and tickling stubble. Jimmy leaned up and forward, hand going into Thomas hair. He felt himself being spun and heard the car door close. Thomas deepened the kiss and teased Jimmy with his tongue before pulling back. “We have more important things to focus on, love.”

He really couldn’t argue.


	70. Chapter 70

“Hey, hold the elevator,” Jimmy shouted and broke out into a half run, tightening grip on the full shopping bag dangling in his hand. He scowled sure the doors were going to close in his face but then they opened. He dashed inside and was already shooting the occupants a friendly grin when he found himself looking up at Alfred. 

Alfred stepped backward, or rather tried too, he hit the wall of the elevator. His darting everywhere except for at Jimmy. Jimmy turned around and noticed their was a girl in the elevator. Holding Alfred’s hand. He looked her up and down. She was closer to the buttons.

“Glad I caught the doors in time, Alfred didn’t hear you.”

“Yeah, I bet he didn’t,” Jimmy muttered.

“What?” she asked and her expression shifted. “Do I know you?”

“I doubt it,” he muttered.

“Don’t bother him, Amy. He’s just my neighbor,” Alfred said. 

Just his neighbor? Jimmy gritted his teeth and swallowed down the argument he wanted to make. He looked at Amy again, she was tall and willowy, blonde and pretty. He should be ribbing Alfred right now, he should be flirting with her just to tease him. He should making jokes and being that horrible friend you wished you never let the girl you like. It was all in his head, the usual routine, the ease of their friendship. 

“He just looks familiar that’s all…”

Jimmy tapped his free hand on his thigh and started humming. It was two floors, was the ride up always this long. He felt Alfred behind him a looming reminder that prejudice and hate can erase twenty plus years of shared memories. Jimmy kept humming, getting louder, not really paying any attention to what it was…

“Oh my GOD. Rundown, that’s Rundown… That’s YOU!” 

The doors opened and Jimmy stepped out quickly, his mind to caught up into getting away from the Alfred, not wanting to think about how raw the wound still was — because he thought it was better and their very different schedules meaning they rarely ran into each other. In fact if Jimmy known it was Alfred in the elevator he would have just waited or taken the stairs. 

“You’re Jimmy Kent!” her voice followed him out of the elevator and he finally processed the noises he was hearing into a sentence. “You are, aren’t you?” she grabbed his elbow.

Jimmy turned and flashed her a grin. “Guilty.” 

“Sure are,” Alfred muttered.

Jimmy gritted his teeth and ignored him. “I have to get inside…” he cocked his head at his door. “I’m cooking dinner for my boyfriend, our roommate and her boyfriend tonight.” 

“Cooking?” Alfred snorted. 

“I know a thing or two,” Jimmy bit out and tried not to think about the fact it was Alfred that showed him. 

“Can I have an autograph?”  
Jimmy blinked. It surprised him every time he was asked because he was still nobody. He was no one. For the moment. But hey he wasn’t going to deny her but his eyes shifted to Alfred. He needed to get away from him and quickly. “I don’t have a pen and…” he looked at her and noticed she wasn’t even carrying a purse. “And what would I sign?”

“Oh… well, I could get… Oh, wait, you know what it’d totally rock if you signed my bra.” 

“What?” Alfred boomed.

“Oh, Alfred don’t be an old man about this, plus Rhonda will freak out if I tell her Jimmy Kent saw my boobs,” Amy chided him.

Jimmy laughed and wondered how the hell Alfred landed her because there was no way they were compatible. He hoped Alfred at least was enjoying his short time with the woman. But she knew him that was sure, since she was making grandpa jokes. Jimmy clenched his jaw, remembering Alfred’s old fashioned sensibilities were why they were no longer friends. 

“What would I sign it with,” he said to her trying to find a way out of this. 

“Don’t have a pen or something in your flat?” 

“Uh…” Jimmy sighed.

“He’s busy, Amy and you don’t want his autograph anyway, not someone like him.” 

“What?” Amy looked at Alfred confused. “Am I being nuisance?” 

Jimmy sighed. “Not really, I mean I need to start cooking dinner, we’re entertaining tonight — kinda.” Sybil was going to be home for dinner and she was bringing Branson with her. Jimmy run to the store and bought everything he needed for a simple chicken dinner. 

“It won’t take long to sign my bra, though, right?”

“Amy, I forbid you to let him see your bra.” 

Jimmy nearly dropped his groceries and Amy did drop her mouth wide open.

“Excuse me?” she snapped.

“I forbid it.”

“You forbid… Jimmy get a pen,” she turned and ordered him and Jimmy recognized the fury in her eyes — he wasn’t getting into the middle of that. 

“Yeah, sure,” he said and decided it was easier to give her the autograph, the faster he did it the faster Alfred disappeared from his sight. He opened the door and walked into the flat. He walked to the kitchenette and dropped the bag on the counter. Then he went to Thomas’ desk and started looking for a sharpie. He grinned his eyes falling on a to do list that was titled… “Jimmy’s Career.” 

He felt his cheeks burning at the thought, at how much Thomas cared about him, how much focus and intensity Thomas was putting into helping him. With really getting nothing in return, there was nothing in it for Thomas if Jimmy succeeded. He opened a few drawers and found a black sharpie. Thinking it perfect he grabbed it and returned to the hallway. 

“He’s gay,” Alfred hissed.

Jimmy grit his teeth and cursed his timing.

“I know,” she snapped. 

“It’s a sin, Amy. It’s against God.”

“It’s… Alfred are you fucking kidding me?” 

“He’s not kidding you,” Jimmy said.

“Stay out of this,” Alfred snapped.

“Stay out of it, you’re talking about me.” 

“This is my girlfriend.”

Jimmy scowled for a minute but then he remembered why he was standing there and he turned toward Amy. “So, show me your bra,” he said in his most flirtatious tone. 

“Amy, I said…”

Amy took off her shirt. “I want you sign one Jimmy and the other Kent,” she said pointing at the cups. It wasn’t a very fancy bra but Jimmy figured it did the trick. He stepped forward but Alfred got in the way. 

“Alfred get out of the way.”

“I told you he’s gay, you shouldn’t have a thing to do with him and this isn’t how a lady behaves.”

“A lady? What era do you fucking live in. I thought you being all old fashioned and gentlemanly was cute but this is stupid, Alfred.” She pushed around him and sighed. “I’m sorry,” she said lowly to Jimmy. 

Jimmy glanced at Alfred whose face was about as red as his hair and all he felt was sadness suddenly for himself and for Alfred. Alfred was losing people left and right too because of his views. Soon he’d only seek out people who thought like him and Jimmy found it sad. He knew the good side of his friend, but it could never win over this nasty hate that Alfred was allowing to rule his actions. 

“Don’t be… he’s made his own choices.”

“Moral choices.” 

Jimmy scrawled his name on Amy’s boobs.

“Thank you,” Amy said with a grin looking down at them. 

“What’s going…. On,” Thomas voice rang out behind Jimmy.

Jimmy turned and saw him looking at Amy, her breasts, Alfred and back again before he pinned Jimmy with his eyes. His expression a conflict between _what the fuck_ and irritation. 

“This is Amy, she’s a friend and I think Alfred’s girlfriend.”

“Oh, no, she’s not Alfred’s girlfriend, not anymore.” She pulled her shirt back on. “Thank you for the autograph.”

“You’re welcome, no problem.”

“Someday that bra is going to be worth money, treat it well,” Thomas was saying to her over Jimmy’s shoulder.

Amy laughed and started walking back toward the elevator.

“Where are you going?”

“Home.”

“But we just got here.”

“We’re over, Alfred.”

“What why?” 

Jimmy realized he should shut the door, he didn’t really want to witness this because it was complicated. Alfred was making his own bed but he was once his friend. But this stranger was choosing him and Alfred wasn’t. He shut the door before he heard Amy’s response and leaned his head against the wood. 

A strong palm pressed into his lower back and slowly slid up it until it was pressed against his lower neck and he felt Thomas press int against him and felt his breathe on his ear. “Not worth it, Love.” 

“I know,” Jimmy said. 

“Already signing women’s boobs.” 

“Perk of the job,” Jimmy grinned. “Though, I didn’t even look — guess I love you.” He turned around and grinned at Thomas. 

Thomas laughed. 

Jimmy waved the sharpie in the air between them and moved toward the desk. “So, how far did you get on this Jimmy’s Career to do list?”

“Set up the meeting with Clotteril to make sure you and Ivy have enough practice time before hand. You have to pick two songs and maybe one more. I think that’s the smart thing, anyway. Did some more research by calling other contacts and made some calls to entertainment lawyers, looking into who is the best.” 

“All that?”

“It wasn’t much,” he said. 

“Is too, I should…”

“You wouldn’t have a clue what to do.”

“You’re right. I should pay you.”

“Oh, you will once your making actual money.”

“Will, I?”

“Yes. Managers always get a good percentage.”

“And here I thought you loved me for my good looks,” Jimmy smirked.

“There is that too. Looks and money. All I’m in this for.”

“Hmmm… and I’m using you for your brain and your cock.” 

Thomas started coughing and Jimmy felt smug. 

“What are you cooking us?” Thomas asked turning toward the kitchen. ‘Which wine should I open?”

“Do I look like I know wine pairings?”

“I was asking myself.”

“Isn’t that a sign of insanity.”

“I read it was a sign of genius.”

“Chicken, it’s not much but I mean I only had a few lessons.” 

“Lessons?”

Jimmy closed his eyes and sighed. He’d forgotten about him, he’d forgotten about him even with all that happened in the hallway. “Alfred.” 

Thomas was in front of them and staring right into his eyes. “He’s nothing. He doesn’t matter. Nothing he says will make any difference. He’s nothing.” 

“I know… Feel more sorry for him than me.”

“He might need the pity but not from you,” Thomas said. 

“Yeah, well, the one good thing he’s managed is I won’t give us all salmonella tonight,” Jimmy laughed. “I got to start cooking. Sybil getting here soon.”

“I hope so. She said Branson might beat her… I don’t want to entertain him.” 

“He’s not that bad.”

“He’s an employee.”

Jimmy shot him a look.

“I’ll always see him as employee.”

“Snob.”

“I have standards.”

“So, does Sybil.”

“Sybil’s standards are decidedly different than mine.”

“Yeah, that’s true… but that does pose a question.”

“Which is?”

“What the hell does she see in him?”

“And you’re riding me about being a snob about him?”

“Your issue is he’s an employee.” 

Thomas frowned. “I suppose I should get over that…” 

“For her, yeah.”

“Yeah,” Thomas frowned. “I’m opening a bottle of wine.” 

“Yes, fortify,” Jimmy started getting everything ready to start cooking. 

“She doesn’t know, you know,” Thomas said as he screwed the wine opener into the cork. 

“Know what?”

“That we’re together. We never told her.”

Jimmy laughed and realized they hadn’t — when had they had the time. Last time he’d seen Sybil she’d been throwing back bourbon and looking like the message she was delivering was unbearable. “Should be fun to tell her? What’s the plan?”

“I was thinking we act like we’re still not together until she can’t stand it anymore and says something. Because she can’t stop herself from saying something.”

“ _KISS ALREADY!_ ” Jimmy gave his best Sybil impression.

“Exactly. Then we can kiss.”

“I’m down with that.”

Thomas filled two wine glasses. “Plan is at the ready.”


	71. Chapter 71

Thomas frowned when he heard a knock on the door. Sybil wouldn’t knock. Which meant he had to entertain Tom Branson. It wasn’t that he hated the man, he didn’t, but he got Thomas’ nerves for some reason. It would figure Sybil would fall for him — though it didn’t surprise him. Branson’s political bent appealed to Sybil’s own. Thomas himself just didn’t care that much about politics. And it was pretty much all Branson wanted to talk about. Shooting Jimmy a put-up-on look he crossed the living room to open the door.

“He’s not that bad.”

“Then you discuss American politics with him,” Thomas said.

“No,” Jimmy said with a laugh. 

“Well, I’m not…” Thomas opened the door. “Branson.”

“Mr. Barrow.”

“Thomas,” Thomas forced out through gritted teeth.

“Tom then…” Branson said walking in. 

That was going to happen, Thomas thought swallowing a sigh and looking out into the hall. He willed Sybil to appear but she didn’t. “Have you heard from Sybil?”

“No, sorry.”

“Want beer or wine?” Jimmy asked from the kitchen. 

“Food smells good,” Branson said sounding relieved. 

“Jimmy is better cook than both me and Sybil,” Thomas admitted. 

“Sybil said there was good news?”

Thomas grinned and shot Jimmy a look.

“She’s hoping it’s you two idiots finally getting together…. Which is it, cause I can’t take the ranting about it much longer.” Branson looked between them.

“Sorry to disappoint,” Thomas lied. 

“Sorry but nope.” Jimmy winked at Thomas.

Branson looked at them and sighed. “I want to go on record as pointing out you two fool no one.”

“We have our reasons,” Thomas said. 

“Stupid as they are,” Jimmy laughed. 

Thomas found his gaze locked on Jimmy’s and getting bit lost in the mirth that was in his eyes and the smile on his face. He was going to enjoy pushing Sybil into another rant. But his hands itched, he wanted to go touch Jimmy and he was allowed too now — why had they held off so long? It all felt stupid but he known that all along. But it’d felt right until being together felt righter. Thomas crossed the room, if he couldn’t touch Jimmy at least he could be in the same room as him. “Beer or wine?” he asked Branson because he never answered the question. 

“Beer,” Branson said, shocking no one.

Thomas opened the refrigerator and glanced at the time. He stared at the watch on his wrist. Made by his father’s company, the one he’d been painstaking keeping in working condition since he was sixteen. The one he wore most days except when the one Edward bought him was more appropriate. He shook himself, he wasn’t going to think about him. 

He just wasn’t. 

“Thomas?” Jimmy was right behind him. Voice in his ear, soft and worried. Thomas turned and they were so close, he could smell him, herbs, chicken and wine and that bright summer smell that belonged to Jimmy. 

“I’m fine,” he said.

Jimmy expression shifted to doubt.

“I am…” he said and he meant it. His father speaking his name to Sybil changed nothing and Thomas been fine on his own for a long time. 

“Yeah, okay…” Jimmy said and he looked like he wanted to say something else but he shook his head. Then he was back at the stove. Thomas walked over to Branson and handed him the beer. He grabbed his own wine glass and poured a bit more into to make it full once again. 

“She should be here soon,” Branson said. “She texted me she got stuck on a call with Edith.”

“That might take awhile.”

Branson nodded.

Awkward silence fell. 

Jimmy started singing after about a minute silence. Which drew Thomas’ attention solely onto him. He was in the kitchen, by the stove and doing whatever it was he doing to cook the meal. When he moved it was like he was dancing, all grace and sex — Thomas swallowed as he watched him move to the rhythm of the song he was singing. He was surprised he didn’t recognize it, lately Jimmy been singing Rundown without meaning to whenever things grew quiet. This song was new, different and after a minute or more Thomas realized Jimmy was only singing one or two lines and then humming. Then it would start over, sometimes faster, sometimes slower. 

Thomas slid his eyes over Jimmy’s backside, deciding he was writing as he cooked and he wondered if he knew was singing. He hated silence, Thomas was learning that, unless they were in bed, somehow that silence was loud in its own way, a different way. It was breathing and humming and kissing and touching. He took a long gulp of his wine and glanced at his watch again. Where was Sybil? He wasn’t really sure he could hold out too long, the need to touch his boyfriend was already buzzing at him and he felt impatient. 

“New song, Jimmy?” Branson asked and Thomas glared at him. 

“What?” Jimmy jumped and turned to look at them. “Was I?” 

“A bit…” Thomas swallowed the _Love_ that wanted to fall from his lips but he smiled at him. 

“Oh…” his cheeks turned a bright pink and he reached for his own wine. “I, um…have this new one in my head the last few days and I was thinking about it.” 

“What’s it about?” Branson asked and Thomas glared at him again. 

“Oh… uh, nothing really,” Jimmy lied and pulled a pot of the stove. “Everything is either ready or about ready,” he said and looked at Thomas.

His eyes darted down to his watch again and he glanced at the door. She should walk through it any moment now. But it stayed closed. “Maybe we should call her.” 

Just as he said it some strange tinny Irish music filled the air. Branson pulled his cellphone from his pocket and looked down at her. “Speaking of her…” he said with a fond grin Thomas knew wasn’t for him. 

Thomas moved closer to Jimmy again and peeked at the food. It all looked pretty good. “I’ll set the table,” he said but he glanced at Branson who was typing something into the phone. He reached out and pressed the palm of his hand against the back of Jimmy’s neck. Jimmy’s eyes slide closed but opened quickly, darting toward Branson. 

Thomas sighed and let his hand fall away. 

Jimmy shook his head and leaned forward, eyes checking on Branson. “It’s a good plan don’t ruin it before she gets here.” 

“She’ll be here in about ten minutes,” Branson announced. 

Thomas groaned. “You keep him entertained, I’m setting the table,” he said in a low whisper.

“How is Betwixt doing?” Jimmy asked.

Thomas glared at him.

Jimmy smirked in return. 

“Emma’s running it pretty well. Few glitches here and there. Edith appeared today and they were in your old office — Emma’s been using it — for a long time and I had to put a few fires. Not sure what happened but Emma looked ready to murder when she came out.”

“Edith can have that effect,” Thomas said dryly.

“But things are good — though, I get asked about Jimmy a lot, especially on the weekends.” 

“Pretty busy most weekends with work and the Pixie.”

“Well, people want to dance with you.” 

“I could let loose a bit on a dance floor.”

Having finished setting their rarely used dinning table, Thomas looked right at Jimmy and thought about he’d been moving earlier and thought about the video of him dancing with those women and Pamuk. He remembered Jimmy’s hand all over him afterward too, pulling at his hips and grinding against him. His eyes slid closed for a moment as he tried to cool himself by thinking about ice cold water. 

“You okay, Thomas?” Branson said.

“Oh, he’s fine,” Jimmy replied in a knowing voice. “Aren’t you?”

Thomas opened his eyes and pinned Jimmy with a glare. 

Jimmy grinned wider. 

_It was fucking stupid plan._

The door opened then and Sybil walked in and tossed her bags on the closest surface and looked at the three men. “You haven’t murdered each other, good,” she said. “Just let me get out these scrubs, Jimmy pour me wine… Oh, Thomas come with me.” 

“What?” Branson said. 

“What?” 

“He gets to see you…” Branson sputtered.

Thomas rolled his eyes. “That’s not what she meant.”

“Tom, really, put your eyes back in your head I need to talk to him,” Sybil laughed. “Come on,” she said looking right at Thomas. 

He shot Jimmy a look and Jimmy shrugged his expression knowing. Thomas sighed, he’d hoped Sybil would leave it alone. She’d done her part — though he wished she hadn’t because it meant nothing. He followed her though down the hall and into her room. He laughed a bit as she tore off her top and stood there in her bra. 

“What?”

“You told him I wasn’t going to see anything.”

She threw her top at him and he cringed and swatted the sweaty thing away from him. She laughed and opened her closet. “God, do I put on real clothes or sweats? Are he and I at a point where I can throw on sweats?” 

“I don’t know,” Thomas said. “Why am I in here?”

She shot him a look. 

“I’m fine.”

“Are you? You seem…”

“Fine.”

“Exactly,” she huffed. 

“Sybil, I know you weren’t sure about telling me and I do wish you hadn’t bothered but nothing has changed. He’s nothing to me, he chose that himself. It stands.”

She stared at him and he could feel her assessing. Could fell her stare through him because she always could, always had and it was probably why they were so close. Sybil’s eyes darted away from him and she turned away and looked indecisive but then she seemed to square her shoulders. “So, um, you said you and Jimmy had good news?” 

“We do.”

“Is it…”

“No.”

She sighed. “Than what the fuck is it?” 

Thomas laughed. “We’ll tell you over dinner, take a shower and no, you two probably aren’t at the point you can throw on sweats if you have to ask me about it.” 

“Ugh… damn it, real clothes it is.” 

“You’ll live.” He started to head out of her room.

“Wait!” She yelled. 

“What?”

She stared at him and it went on long enough he started to open his mouth to ask her if she was going to say anything. She shook her head and then her expression morphed into fond frustration. “When will you and Jimmy come to your senses?”

“When it’s time,” he said fighting a smirk. 

“When it’s…UGH. Get out, I need to shower and I’m starving and the food smells good. Tell him that when you go out their and start up with the eye-fucking.” 

“We do not…”

“Oh, you so do,” she yelled. “Out. Out!”

Thomas left her room and smirked. He supposed they could pull off ultimate eye-fucking, whatever that was because he sure as hell was looking at Jimmy and thinking about sex. And now that she was here he was feeling the fun of the game plan again. He wanted to irritate her yelling at him, make that furrow between her brows deep. With all the hassling she’d been giving them, it wouldn’t hurt her to be in the dark a bit longer.


	72. Chapter 72

Sybil walked into her living to find it empty. Her eyes swung toward their usually cluttered dinning room table that now was set with dishes and had food on it, steam rising and ready to eat. The steam made her feel less guilty but they were all waiting on her. It was weird really to see Tom standing with Thomas and Jimmy. The room was quiet and she had a bad feeling it was because no one been talking. Jimmy was a charmer but Thomas was awkward and aloof with people he didn’t know, or people he didn’t like — she was pretty sure Tom was in both categories but she wasn’t worried, over time Thomas would see why she was falling in love with him — probably before her father and sisters. He was her favorite _relative_ for a reason. 

“What? No sweats?” Jimmy said in a teasing voice and she glared at Thomas. 

Thomas snickered and motion to a chair. “He poured your wine as requested.” 

“Thank you, Jimmy,” she said and made her way to the table. All three men sat down after she did and she couldn’t help snickering at it. She picked up her glass and gulped. She was tense, from work but mostly due to her conversation with Rupert Barrow. It was haunting her. She almost mentioned it to Thomas but she couldn’t bring herself too…

He said he was fine but she knew him. He wasn’t. Not really, his father was back in the front of his mind. And it was her fault for listening to Philip, for feeling sorry for Rupert Barrow for even a second. What had she been thinking? She glanced at Thomas across the table and wasn’t at all surprised he was looking at Jimmy. He looked besotted, as usual, but she found herself looking for signs that he wasn’t as calm as he seemed. That he wasn’t as fine as he said. 

“Hope everyone likes it,” Jimmy said. 

“I’m sure it’s great, Jimmy,” she said as she served herself some potatoes. “Anything is better than the food at the hospital.” 

“I would hope so,” he laughed.

“So, what’s the good news?” she asked, maybe it’d distract her from the complication of Rupert Barrow in her head. 

Thomas and Jimmy exchanged a look and she watched the nuances. They were talking in expressions, with their eyes locked. They were so in sync that it boggled her mind that they hadn’t gotten over themselves yet… What was she going to do with them? 

“I’ll let Jimmy say it,” Thomas said. 

Jimmy grinned and then he grinned wider. “But you…”

“It’s your news.”

Jimmy shook his head, his eyes still on Thomas and Sybil felt like she was intruding suddenly. There was something so intimate there and it was news to her and it was unsettling her for some reason. Jimmy was looking at Thomas like that because Thomas come through for him — again. 

“I have a meeting with Phoenix records to possibly make a demo, if they like my songs…. Thomas just…” he looked at Thomas and grinned. “It’s awesome.” 

Sybil wasn’t sure if he meant Thomas or the record deal. Her own eyes landed on Thomas and he was staring back at Jimmy. He looked whole and she thought maybe he was okay, maybe he was fine and she was the one overreacting about Rupert. Maybe she shouldn’t have guilt for not wanting to tell him about her second conversation with the man? She shouldn’t have any guilt for not wanting to tell Thomas. Thomas does’t want to know… 

Right? 

“That’s amazing news, Jimmy,” Tom said.

She felt her cheeks heat what was she doing. “It’s more than that, congratulations there is no way they won’t love you. What songs do you plan to show them?”

“Well, Rundown, with Ivy singing backup — it’ll sound a lot better with her backing me up. And I haven’t really decided on the other two, being indecisive, so might have a few up my sleeves. See what I feel like that day.”

“Well, no matter what it’ll be great.”

“Yeah…” Jimmy grinned and his gaze went right to Thomas. “Cause of you.” 

Thomas cheeks turned red and he looked into his wine and shook his head. “Ivy helped.”

“Ivy helped?” Sybil couldn’t stop the exclamation. 

“He sent her to spy on me,” Thomas laughed. “But it turned out useful because she could answer questions I couldn’t.”

“Spy?” Tom said.

Jimmy looked at Thomas nervously and Sybil suddenly realized why it was Ivy was spying and she wasn’t sure how she felt about that — Jimmy told her he was on it. That he was going to have Thomas back, but sending spies? She wanted to trust him with Thomas. Thomas did seem okay, but… he couldn’t be could he? Her eyes darted between them as she tried to assess. 

“I’m sure Sybil mentioned my father to you? She and Jimmy thought I needed coddling.”

“I did not,” she argued. 

“Wouldn’t call it coddling,” Jimmy said but he was looking at Sybil. She tried to smile at him but she just wasn’t sure she agreed with his tactic. She was trusting him with Thomas, when he and Thomas couldn’t even admit they should be together. She looked away from him and focused on her food. 

“Sounds like you’ll be on the radio soon, that’s for sure,” Tom said. 

“He will,” Thomas agreed. 

Sybil looked up and beamed at Jimmy. He did deserve it, his ego matched his charisma and talent. It was rare she thought, to have that, to have that thing. “You’ll be rockstar.”

“Yeah, I will,” Jimmy grinned at them all but his eyes stayed stuck on Thomas. She watched them, stare right into the other, she rolled her eyes at them and then glanced at Tom.

He shook his head and leaned closer to her. He kissed he cheek and she grinned, then he was whispering in her ear. “They’ve been doing that staring thing all night. If it’s Thomas it’s Jimmy and vice versa. It’s rather sickening.” 

“Isn’t it…” she shook her head. 

“What’s wrong?” Tom asked.

She looked into his eyes and found she couldn’t lie. Not to him. Never to Tom. “I can’t stop thinking about my conversation with you know who.”

“Tell him about it.”

She shook her head. “I can’t. I never should’ve.”

“I don’t know about that, Sybil.”

“You don’t really understand the situation.” 

“Maybe, but family is always complicated.” 

“Tell me about it,” she thought. “Jimmy? When is the meeting?”

“It’s in a few days," Thomas said. "I wanted to give him and Ivy time to rehearse, they haven’t sung together in awhile.” 

“Also, I want her to sing with me at the Pixie, she’ll be way less nervous about music executives that way,” Jimmy added. 

“But the plan is he has three songs ready, all his own of course, with Ivy as back up.”

“And it should be gold,” Jimmy grinned. 

Sybil shook her head as they spoke like the well oiled machine they naturally were together. She thought about Edward and Thomas, they were good together but it wasn’t like this, it was quieter and maybe more intense in different ways. But Jimmy and Thomas it was like they were an extension of the other, they were so alike and so different. All at the same time. But she trusted Edward with Thomas emotionally. Edward felt deeply and so did Thomas, she trusted in that, that they would shore the other up. She wanted to trust Jimmy but he was so charming and so smooth. 

She needed to know him more, she knew that but she kept thinking about Thomas right after she told him. That calm before the storm demeanor and he was all focused on Jimmy right now in front of her. So focused on Jimmy — what if he forgot himself and what if Jimmy let him? He was selfish and young and focused on his career. And Thomas just ended his career, just ended plans he’d been busting his balls on for years and putting all his focus onto Jimmy’s career. 

What about Thomas? 

Suddenly she realized that Jimmy was looking right at her and she swallowed the food in her mouth and tried to give a casual smile. But the way he was staring at her, she felt uncomfortable. It was like he knew, he knew she didn’t trust him with Thomas. 

“I need more wine,” Jimmy said and he stood up.

Sybil noticed Thomas’ hand reach out to grab him but he pulled it back. She fought to hold back the sigh that elicit, why wouldn’t they just give in all ready but she was half-focused on it. It was Thomas’ worried face that her worried. It was recognizing that Jimmy looked unsettled herself. And she was the cause and she knew it. 

“I’ll help,” she said and stood up.

“Sybil?” both Tom and Thomas hissed at her.

“Oh, you two can get along for five minutes.” She rolled her eyes at them and thought that they both were going to have to get over whatever it was that had them disliking the other. Because she wasn’t giving up Thomas for anyone and she already knew she wanted to marry Tom — which was scary all in itself, mostly because she knew he felt the same way. 

But she had something else to focus on. Mainly the man Thomas was probably going to be spending the rest of his life with — once they got over themselves. She didn’t trust Jimmy but she wanted too, she really wanted too. So she followed him into the kitchenette. He was leaning on the counter, his wine glass still empty next to the bottle. She put her own half empty one next to it and sighed. 

He looked at her. “I had to work and I trust Ivy.”

“Ivy you stopped talking to you,” she said.

“She came around didn’t she?”

“Seems so… guess I should get to know her better.”

“I couldn’t talk him out of the meeting. I tried but he’s so focused on being my manager.”

“Is that his new career goal? Being what you need,” she winced because she sounded more biting than she meant too.

“Not if I have any say in it…” Jimmy shook his head. “I mean he will be, he has to be… business crap goes over my head and I don’t have the patience to want to learn it.”

“Of course.”

“But…” Jimmy snapped. 

“Sorry,” she said.

“He’s going to do something with clocks as his career. I don’t know how I’m going to pull it off, I’ll have to ask myself what would he do — but I’m getting him into that business. It’s where he belongs, I know you know that too, because it’s all over Edwards journals.” 

She swallowed and remembered Thomas given Jimmy, Edward’s words. It was intimate gesture, a trusting one and it still prickled at her skin. “Edward said that?”

“More or less.” 

She glanced at Thomas. “He’s at his happiest with clocks and watches. He really is… But.”

“No. I don’t fucking care what that old bastard did…” Jimmy glanced behind him. “Just how guilty did the seem?” 

Sybil startled a bit, Jimmy eyes had gone cold and calculating on her. She blinked. “What do you mean?”

“I mean how guilty is he?” 

“He’s…” she shook her head and glanced toward Thomas. He and Tom seemed to be holding a conversation, she idly wondered what on earth it was about but that wasn’t her focus. Her focus was Rupert Barrow and all the damage she knew he caused. “He’s unforgivable, Jimmy.”

“I’m not talking about forgiveness.”

“Then what?”

“Just tell me, he guilty enough to let Thomas in the door?” 

“The door?”

“Of the company? Of what should be Thomas’ inheritance, his right.” 

“Jimmy…”

“Is he guilty enough we could leverage it to Thomas’ advantage.” 

She felt her eyes grow rounder. “You aren’t serious.”

“I’m dead serious. That bastard doesn’t deserve a fucking penny of it. And he does,” he looked behind him and his entire expression softened. 

Sybil looked between them. Thomas sensed Jimmy looking and now they were both just boldly staring at each other. But Sybil had Jimmy’s words rushing through her head and she looked at Thomas. They were far more alike than she realized. The opportunistic streak was deep in Thomas and apparently it ran deep in Jimmy too. 

“I did speak with him again,” she said suddenly.

Jimmy turned to look at her. 

“He’s a bastard.”

“Knew that.”

“But he’s been keeping track of Thomas. For a long time I think… He knows about you. Well, what the gossip mags think they know about the two of you.”

“What else?” 

“He’s an old man with a bad heart. He has regrets, but I don’t think… I don’t think that man has it in him to forgive.” 

“Forgive what? Thomas didn’t do anything," Jimmy snapped.

“Well, exactly my point… He thinks he did.” 

“Hmmph…” Jimmy sighed. 

“Sorry,” she said. 

“You going to tell him?”

“What?”

“That you talked to him again.”

“No,” Sybil looked back at the table. “It’s not worth it and…” she eyed Jimmy. “I think you’ve got it covered.”

Jimmy looked unconvinced. “Do you?”

“Jimmy…”

“Look, I know you have doubts about me and I know, I know he’s done everything for me since we met and I’m barely giving it back. But…” Jimmy looked at Thomas and grinned. “I… I will, I will give it back and do have this. Believe me?” 

“I…”

“I’ll win you over, I will.”

“Jimmy you have won me over I just…”

“Protective?”

“It’s Thomas.”

“Exactly,” Jimmy whispered. 

“I’m working on it…” she looked between them. “Maybe if you two stopped being stupid?”

Jimmy gave her a strange look but quickly turned away and grabbed the wine bottle. “Come one we better rescue them, conversation died out over a minute ago.” 

Sybil laughed but she felt like she missed something.


	73. Chapter 73

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops. Accidentally posted this on the wrong story. Sorry for any possible confusion. Ditz that I am, was distracted.

Sybil grabbed Thomas by his elbow and stalled his progress. Which meant Jimmy and Tom went toward the living room and the comfortable chairs and he was held back by the dinning room table with Sybil looking at him oddly. He didn’t know this expression and he thought he knew all of her expression. She was distracted and he’d expected her to be; expected her to be nervous and worried and overprotective. But there was something else going on with her tonight, something new — maybe? He supposed that could happen, life took it strange turns into the unexpected. 

Thomas glanced toward the living room and caught Jimmy tilted his head back, laughing at something Branson said — or at him — and exposing his neck and his teeth itched. He wanted his mouth against Jimmy’s skin. 

“Oh… you can go moon at him a few minutes,” Sybil said and he could hear her eyes rolling. It was relieving, he been trying to evoke that response for the past half hour but all he’d gotten was the strange expression. The one that was back in her eyes and in the way she was holding her mouth. 

“Sybil?”

“I talked to him again.” 

Thomas closed his eyes. 

“I hate him, I think. I mean really hate him.” 

His eyes opened and Sybil was shaking her head and he smirked a bit. Hating was something foreign to her and he always been amused at her attempts to hate Philip over the years because all she managed was dislike and disapproval. “He’s worth it,” he said.

“Yes….” 

“What is it? You spoke to him and he managed to make you, you Sybil Crawley hate him. What else do I need to know?”

“He has been keeping an eye on you.”

“Probably to make sure I don’t disgrace him anymore than I have.”

“I don’t…well, maybe at first. He has regrets.”

Thomas laughed, loud and bitter and he felt Jimmy eyes on him. He looked his direction and nodded that he was okay. When he turned back to Sybil she had that odd expression again. “What is it?”

“I just… I don’t think he’s going to vanish Thomas. I know he hasn’t actually reached out to you but…” 

“What? You think he will?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Old man, no family, he has regrets.”

“He’ll have to live with them and die alone then.” 

Sybil looked toward the living and Thomas followed her eye-line to Jimmy. Thomas stared at her until she looked back at him. “What about Jimmy’s idea…” she said.  
That’s what took them so long in the kitchen. “You told him about the conversation.”

“It’s been nagging at me since I stormed out of his room.” 

“Jimmy’s plan only work if the old man felt guilty. Which he doesn’t, Sybil. Regrets aren’t guilt. I haven’t seen that man in years but I know, I remember. There is no conning Rupert Barrow.” 

Sybil stared at him and started shaking her head. 

“What?”

“You could. If you wanted too, you could do it…” She laughed. “What am I advocating?”

Thomas laughed and grabbed her hand. “Sybil, I’m fine. Put the bastard out of your head. It’s not worth it.”

“You are.”

“He’s not.”

“I agree completely.”

“Good we done with this annoying talk then?”

“All done,” she said and leaned forward and kissed his cheek. Thomas grinned and was happy to see the oddness fall away from her expression and her shoulders. He guessed it was the hate she felt for his father, he guessed it was the responsibility she felt for him but it was facing a new obstacle. Thomas smirked a bit as he followed her into the living. Her nearly advising him to con his father out of his money was definitely a high point in knowing her. She was amazing but inherently too good. He didn’t deserve her at all. 

He picked up his glass that Jimmy put on the coffee table. It’d been refilled — more than once — he glanced at Tom who was pulling Sybil onto his lap and took a deep gulp of the wine. Then he sat down next to Jimmy on the couch, not close enough at all though but close enough to hopefully get a huff out of Sybil. Maybe now that she wasn’t distracted by things that no one should be thinking about he and Jimmy could play their game without feeling so frustrated. 

Jimmy leaned into him the second he sat down, arm and leg pressing into Thomas’ and his hand lifted up and he almost put it down on Thomas thigh but caught him. Thomas caught his eyes and Jimmy smirked as he shook his head. It only remembered to pull back because of their plans, but hopefully it looked like that them being stupid. 

Thomas found he wasn’t sure what to do with his own hands at all. He wanted to reach out and toy with the curls at the nape of Jimmy’s neck. Run his hand down his spine and feel him curl into it. Stroke it up and down until they were kissing and trailing clothes to the bedroom. Thomas groaned, he’d let his thought get away from him and he leaned forward, picked up his wine glass, took a generous gulp and then kept it in his hand. He swirled it around and tried to figure what Sybil was talking about. She was mentioning bedpans so it had to be about either an amusing patient or a horrible one. Though those two things coincided often enough. 

Jimmy leaned forward and his hand fell onto Thomas lower back as he reached over him a bit to grab his beer. They locked gazes naturally and Jimmy’s cheeks turned pink as he dropped his hand. Thomas bit back a growl cause he wanted to tell him to leave it there. But he didn’t. And they weren’t looking away from each other and it was like couldn’t. He couldn’t at all. He licked his lips and brought his wine glass to his mouth. 

“And then Elizabeth Taylor and Dwayne Johnson started a food fight in the operating room.” 

Both Thomas and Jimmy blinked and turned toward Sybil in unison. “What was that?”

“Huh?”

“I told you, I told you,” she smacked Branson in the chest. 

“Ow.”

“This is what I have to put up with… I mean for all that is holy and good in this world will you do just, just…”

“Just…” Thomas prodded, his heart was pounding, he needed her to say it. 

“I’m not sure,” she snapped. 

“Huh?” Jimmy said again. “What do you mean you aren’t sure?” 

“It’s not like I don’t walk on you two making out, like consistently all the time. I want smoosh your two faces together but…”

 _Do it,_ Thomas thought though he was unsure he really knew what she meant by smoosh. Was it even a word? He glanced at Jimmy and met desperate eyes and the silent question of was their little game backfiring? Thomas wasn’t at all certain. 

“That’s all you two are going to do stare at me?”

“You started the conversation.”

“You haven’t really finished a thought,” Jimmy pointed out.

“I haven’t… WHY THE FUCK AREN’T YOU TWO TOGETHER YET?” She leaped off Branson and to her feet, her finger pointing at them. 

They glanced at each other, nodded and started laughing hysterical in unison. Jimmy’s hand went to Thomas’ thigh and Thomas settled on Jimmy’s neck and they leaned inward. He sought out Sybil’s gaze, which seemed stuck in place. She was standing, a bent a bit over the coffee table still pointing. It was quite a frightful image given how fierce Sybil was when she in the midst of a passionate outburst. Her mouth was wide open from shouting and it slowly, slowly, fell shut and then she glared. She glared hard. She walked around the table, coming closer and closer and she glared. 

Jimmy started laughing again, harder this time, snickering and he bent his head down. Thomas smirked and he tried not to laugh because he could tell Sybil was going to hit them. He just knew but he couldn’t stop it, the snickering started and he couldn’t stop. 

Sybil thunked Jimmy and then him on the back of their heads. “Unbelievable, simply, you two are such bastards…You’re together, you’re together and you haven’t told me?”

“Well, you’re never home,” Jimmy said, rubbing his head. 

Rubbing his own head Thomas tried to stop laughing but he couldn’t. 

“You know, you a much more violent person than I initial thought, Sybil,” Branson said from behind her. 

She turned to glare at him. “Did you know?”

“No, they were whispering a lot before you got here. Figured that was normal though.” 

“Hmmph.” Sybil pointed her finger at Thomas. “How long!”

“Uh… the night before you came in and told us about his bastard of a father.”

“I’m not forgiving you, neither of you, I thought… of course you had it,” she glared at Jimmy. 

“Oh, come on, Sybil,” Jimmy grinned up at her. “You’re happy for us, you want to smush our faces together still… and call us sickeningly sweet and yell kiss.”

“Oh shut up,” she laughed. 

“Forgive us then?” Thomas asked.

“Duh….Oh, crap.” 

“What?”

“I owe Gwen twenty pounds.” 

“You betted on us?” Thomas asked.

“I’m right impressed. Gwen making big bucks?” Jimmy asked. 

“I… it was their idea. Gwen and Ethel, and who knows who else. Yes, I think Gwen is going to be taking us all out on the town in the near future.” 

“Should spend it on herself,” Thomas said.

“Get herself some good pampering,” Jimmy said. 

“Ugh, you two….” Sybil waved her hands at them. 

“What was that?”

“I don’t know… ugh. Tom, we’re going to your place.”

“We are?”

“We are. I’m leaving these love birds alone.” 

“Yes,” Thomas and Jimmy said in unison.

Sybil giggled and flew at them. She kissed them both on the cheek before flying away to gather her and Tom’s things up. Jackets and she grabbed her always duffel bag which always had changes of clothes in it. They were out the door in less than five minutes. 

Thomas turned from the closed door and looked right into Jimmy’s eyes. He started laughing again but moved forward to put his head on Thomas’ shoulder. Giggling into his skin, his breath hot enough to go through Thomas’ shirt, against his skin and make him shiver. He turned moved and Jimmy lifted his face up and Thomas leaned in and licked at his bottom lip. 

“Oh…” it was deep sound from Jimmy’s throat and his hands grabbed at Thomas shirt and pulled him closer. 

Thomas licked some more, teasing him but than he sucked Jimmy’s lip into his own mouth, trying to take his time and tease it out. But sparks were flying up his spine and Jimmy was grabbing at him, shoving him into place and somehow he ended up on his back on the couch with Jimmy straddled over him and staring down at him with dark eyes. 

“Jimmy…” his voice cracked. 

“You’ve made everything happen,” Jimmy said and he bent down and latched his mouth to Thomas’ neck, sucking on his pulse point, his hands going down and rucking up Thomas’ shirt, pressing his hands against skin. Thomas moaned and shift his hips, Jimmy ground down on him and Thomas rolled up Jimmy kept licking and sucking, both their fingers, yanking at the buttons of Thomas shirt, Jimmy rucking it up and pulling at. His mouth on the hollow of Thomas’ throat and then his chest. Thomas grabbing at Jimmy’s air, pulling at his shirt, wanting to touch the skin of his back. 

Jimmy paused and quickly shucked his shirt and went back to licking and sucking a trail down to Thomas stomach, eyes watching Thomas watch him. Thomas licked his lips and rolled his hips and he felt Jimmy and he knew Jimmy felt him because their was a groan, a bit of teeth against the skin under his belly button. Jimmy shifted to between his legs and yanked Thomas’ pants down over his hips and Thomas was kicking them off along with this boxers and Jimmy was stroking him and staring at down at his cock in a way that made Thomas’ heart jack up to a speed that had to be dangerous. Not that he cared, all he cared about was Jimmy putting that mouth around him. 

“Jimmy….” He warned him, he begged him, it was probably both. 

Jimmy eyes darted up the length of Thomas body and he grinned, cocky and happy and then he was sucking him down. Down his throat, tongue doing amazing things and Thomas tried not to wonder how he learned everything he did because it was fucking perfect for him, for Thomas, like everything about Jimmy. His hands reached down and found Jimmy’s hair, fingers threading through and toying with it, slowly, affectionately and in complete juxtaposition to how Jimmy’s mouth stroking him and tongue swirling, his hand twisting. Thomas lost his breath, it stuttered and stuttered and it was going to be too fast, way too fast, he wanted this to last forever. 

“Mine, all mine…” Jimmy hummed around his cock and that was it, Thomas fell over the edge.


	74. Chapter 74

“Don’t know what I’m going to do with you playing here, Kid.” Bernard was leaning over the counter of one his bars and watching his staff letting in guests. First come, first serve; didn’t get line to see Jimmy Kent early enough you were listening from the sidewalk outside. 

“I’ll come by and eat still, promise,” Jimmy grinned and looked at the sea of faces. He recognized some — more than some. But there were strange faces to and all of them strangers. But strangers who loved him, who followed him from bar to bar. He blinked as a camera flash got in his eyes, scowling he moved around the bar to see who it was but it was too crowded. Instead what he got was a lot shouts of his name and he quickly jumped over the counter. 

“Oooh… should hold of on the gymnastic until Thomas get’s here,” Daisy an a waitress let her and Ivy through. Ivy was carrying her tambourines but her nose was in her phone. 

“He should be here,” Jimmy tapped his fingers against the counter. 

“Why do you look so nervous?”

“I don’t know…” Jimmy laughed but it was tinged with nerves. “It’s weird isn’t it?” 

“Well, he’ll be here.” 

“I know,” he tried for casual but it wasn’t at all how he felt. This was his last show here, the last one. He glanced at Bernard again he was showing a new bartender how to make a drink but she kept looking at him. It was strange and nice and he felt he owed Bernard. Yet, he still hadn’t managed to get out the thank you and he couldn’t figure out why. 

“I’m sorry,” the new girl said as she dropped the shakers. “I’m not usually this klutzy.”

“He’s not worth it,” Ivy said sitting down at the bar in front of her and using her finger to scroll something on her phone. 

“What, since when do you think that?” Jimmy snapped. 

“Seeing you’re tongue down Thomas’ throat about a half million times.” 

“Touché… what has you so involved,” he walked toward on the opposite of the bar and he felt the bartender staring at him. 

“I’m trying to find a vid of you on youtube.”

“Why?”

“Cause, it’s the last time I played with you and I was horrible and I watched it before we go on.” 

“Uh? Ivy that makes no sense.”

“I wanna see why I screwed up.”

“You were fine.”

“You don’t even remember,” she shot him a look.

“Allison, let’s try again.”

“I’ll show her, Bernard, I know how to make ‘em, been drinking them enough.” 

“Should have hired as a bartender too, Kid. Keep you in here.”

“Going quit that job soon enough too,” Jimmy gave him a bit grin and hated himself a bit for thanking the man. 

“Okay, watch me,” he said to Allison.

“He means make the drink,” Ivy said. 

“Ivy be nice.”

Ivy shot him another look.

“What?”

She rolled her eyes. 

He loved her, he could finally do that without feeling guilty for not being in love with her. This was easy, this reminded him of when they were kids before hormones kicked and everything went sideways with them. It was pure chance they got through this and to this but she was his family. That was for sure and it was nice being able to look her in the eye and have her not blush. He glanced at Allison and yeah that wasn’t the case there. But her eyes were on the drink he was making. He poured it into a glass and stuck in front of Ivy.

“Umbrella,” she said not looking up.

“Oh, of course… Pink or purple?”

“Surprise me… damn it,” she frowned. 

“Are you still looking?”

“You don’t understand, there is like nothing left.” 

“What?”

“Of you on youtube. Nothing.” 

Daisy sat down next to her and looked over her shoulder. “Huh… make me one Jimmy.”

“Allison, go for it for Daisy,” Jimmy said and he looked around. He had to thank Bernard, maybe it would stop the anxious flutters in his chest. Why was he so nervous? This was his typical nervous this almost felt like the first night and it didn’t make sense. “I’ll be in back,” he said to Ivy. “And don’t worry, last time you played with me you were great and everyone loved you.”

“Need to get better don’t I? If I’m number one background singer on your record.” 

“You will,” he said, shaking his head at her. 

“Like you’re not a perfectionist Jimmy Kent.”

“No, I’m perfect, there is a difference,” he called over his shoulder. He knocked on Bernard’s office door. The man opened it with a smile and Jimmy walked in and pushed his hands into his jean pockets. 

“What is it, Kid?”

“It’s just… You didn’t have to give me this gig.”

“I would’ve been crazy not too Kid.”

“Come on, everyone told me how picky you were being.”

“I waited for real talent. I’ll wait again too.” 

Jimmy shook his head. “Yeah, well, I was just showing off that night.”

“And brought in new customers, they walked right inside hearing you sing.”

“Well,” he rubbed the back of his neck trapped somewhere between a rare modest moment and knowing he just that good. “Anyway, thank you — I was, I was mess and you, this, it really helped me.” 

Bernard slapped him on the shoulder. “It’s all good. And like you said, you bring those girls to eat. That man of yours too.” 

Jimmy grinned. “Yeah, we will… Thomas won’t admit it, but he loves your burgers.” 

Bernard laughed and shook his head. “You look as bad as you did that first night?”

“Do I? I was really hoping I didn’t…” he sighed. “I don’t know why, but Thomas will be here soon — he was picking up Sybil, so probably had to wait a bit.” 

“The doctor, always here in blue scrubs.”

“Yeah, that’s her.”

“Pretty one that, I have a nephew…”

“She’s taken,” Jimmy laughed. 

“He handsome?”

“Uh… I wouldn’t know. He annoyed me at first sight, like him more than ever thought I would. Makes Sybil smile a lot.” 

“Ah, the smiling, damn it” 

“You had to try.”

“I did…” there was a knock on the door. 

“Come on in,” Bernard said. 

Thomas stepped in and nodded at Bernard. “We’re here and Ivy is telling the bartender very unflattering stories about you.” 

“What? Like what?”

“I caught something about a girl named Meredith locking you outside naked because she caught you sleeping with her sister…” 

Jimmy sighed. 

Thomas smirked and looked him up and down.

“Don’t get ideas, that was in a blizzard.” Jimmy grabbed Thomas hand and pulled him out of the office and headed back toward Ivy and Daisy. Sybil was there as well and the three of them were talking, while someone else was showing Allison some more things before she started her first shift. She seemed to have relaxed and wasn’t looking at him, so he took as a good sign. But it meant he couldn’t distract himself with her crush… 

“Jimmy?” Thomas held up their hands and Jimmy noticed how hard he was crushing his hand. 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he said as he failed to relax his hold. 

“Jimmy…” Thomas pulled him over to a corner. “Talk to me.” 

“I’m way too nervous.”

“Why?”

“I have no idea… it’s the last show? I mean supposed to go out on a high right?”

“And you will.”

“Can’t even play my own stuff…” he frowned.

“Is that it? You haven’t done any covers in awhile, focusing on your own songs.”

“Well, yeah, they’re mine. They’re all going to want to hear them.”

“Yeah, well tell them to keep an ear on their radios. Rundown will be on every station before you know it.” 

Jimmy nodded. “Right. Yes. Just feels wrong… not playing myself out there.” 

“That’s it then.”

“What?”

“Your first show you were afraid it was a lie they all wanted to see.” 

“So, I get nervous when I feel like I might lie on stage.”

Thomas smirked and pulled him into his arms. Hand on the base of his neck and his mouth against Jimmy’s ear. “Your music is you, Jimmy and it matters to you. Tonight, you’ll still be giving them a taste of that and you’ll leave them wanting more. Which is good, they’ll be pining to hear Jimmy Kent and be primed and ready when it hits the radio.” 

“Yeah?” he pressed his face against Thomas neck and breathed him in. Thomas hand on his neck calming and perfect like it always. He could stay here forever. 

“Jimmy, come on, we better get down to the stage,” Daisy yelled. 

He pressed his lips against Thomas’ skin before he pulled back. Thomas kept his hand where it was they looked each other right in the eye. Thomas bent down a little, making them the same height for the briefest of moments. “I love you.” 

Jimmy nodded. 

“Hurry it up!” Ivy yelled. 

“Go start setting up the stage,” Thomas yelled back. 

Jimmy pressed his lips together to try not to smirk. 

Thomas looked back at irritation at Ivy in his eyes. 

“Ignore them,” Jimmy said. “I love you too.”

Thomas smiled and slide his hand down Jimmy’s back. “And that crowd loves you… Go use it.” 

Jimmy winked, grabbed Thomas’ hand again — but not in a death grip — and pulled him with him as he made his was toward the stage. To sing one last time here… And he had figured out a lot of things on that small corner stage. About himself, about his songs, about his words and about how important Thomas was to him. 

He let go of Thomas hand to hop up on the stage to help Ivy with setting up the microphones and their stools. He grabbed his guitar off the piano bench and eyed the piano. He never played it, not the crowd anyway, he’d played a few times when no one else was around except the staff. He knew why he’d stayed cleared of it and he hadn’t planned to play it tonight. But he couldn’t give them original work — he could at least give them a treat. 

“Jimmy…” Ivy was staring at him her eyes round. “No, no, we didn’t practice anything.” 

“It’ll be fine.”

“Jimmy.”

“You’ll know the song and just follow my lead. It’ll be one song, near the end of the set. Okay?” 

“Just on the fly.”

“Yeah, just like the first time I played here, before I was hired.” 

Ivy let out a long sigh. “I hate you.”

“I know,” he kissed the top of her head and jumped off the stage. He walked over to the table where Daisy, Sybil and Thomas were sitting. He walked behind Thomas and leaned into his ear. “I’m leave them panting for more.” 

Thomas chuckled dark and low which made Jimmy groan. “Don’t sound like that…”

“Says the man who is about to turn me on with his voice and tease me for around an hour with.” 

“Yeah, well that is the peril of dating a rockstar.”

“Perilous journey I’ve chosen.”

“You know it.”

“Oh God, you two aren’t even really touching and I want to yell get a room,” Sybil moaned. 

Daisy laughed. 

“Okay, youtube has taken down all his videos, except for a handful, but I’m not holding out hope they’ll stay. Gwen’s quite pissed.” 

“IS that why Ivy couldn’t find the show from a few weeks ago?” 

“It’s the record company. He’s their commodity now, they don’t want the videos up,” Thomas said. 

“I’m a commodity…” Jimmy chuckled into Thomas ear.

Thomas groaned and Jimmy grinned. “Knew that would work…” he hopped away from Thomas and winked at him. “Time for the show.” 

“Wait, why does Ivy look like a deer…” Daisy called out after him. 

Jimmy just laughed and jumped back on the stage, caught Ivy’s eye adn she nodded she was ready — despite the wide eyes — and he grabbed his guitar and the microphone. 

“So, hey…wow. So, I guess you all know this is the last show.” 

~~~

Thomas sat on the edge of the bed and ran his hand down Jimmy’s spine. Jimmy was sprawled out on the bed, wearing nothing, he’d stripped out of everything and collapsed onto the bed in a drunk heap. Thomas cocked his head and tried to see if Jimmy eyes were open at all. He ran his hand up and down his back, watching goosebumps rise and fall, marveling at the heat of his skin and the muscles underneath his fingers. He’d somehow ended up with a Greek God. 

“Hmmm…come to bed,” Jimmy slurred. 

“Soon,” Thomas said. 

“Soon I’ll be asleep.”

“I know.”

“So, now, we can…”

“What? You can’t move.”

“Did I become a lightweight?” Jimmy groaned. “I haven’t drunk that much in a long time.” 

“I know,” Thomas smiled amused. 

“I’m so tired.”

“It’s five in the morning.”

“Did I flash Sybil?”

“Yes.”

“Oops…” JImmy laughed into the pillow.

“Branson wasn’t amused,” Thomas said.

“Did he see it?”

“Yes.”

“Jealous then…”

“Of course… I’m going to get water.”

“Fine, don’t take advantage of me.” 

“Oh, I will, at some point,” Thomas promised and kissed the back of his neck. 

“Luff you.”

“Luff you too,” Thomas made his way to the kitchen, rubbing his own forehead, loud music always gave him a bit of a headache. Shaking his head he knew he was going to have to get used to it. And he gladly would and speaking about Jimmy’s life. He pulled his phone out of his back pocket. He’d turned it off when he left his last meeting with the record company to pick up Sybil. But he should check if he’d gotten any calls. He had four. Two from Edith Crawley — he frowned and told himself he had to stop putting her off. It wasn’t clear to her yet that he wasn’t coming back. She was accusing him of being a diva and offering pay raises. It made her seem desperate and he knew for a fact that Emma had the club running smoothly. He’d seen to it.

The third message was from Clara and the last one was an unknown number. He looked at it and tried to place the numbers but he couldn’t. It could be someone from the record company. He was sure he did not have all the lawyers and people in his contacts yet. He’d play both messages now. Clara’s was checking in with him about the meetings of the day, she’d been absent from it. She seemed up to date but he mentally noted a few things he wanted to speak to her about. He deleted her message and played the next message. 

_Thomas. It’s been… Well, it’s your father. I would like us to have a long overdo conversation._

Thomas swallowed hard and his voicemail asked if he wished to delete the call or replay it. He hit replay and listened to the words again. His father’s voice show his age, he sounded creaky and not all that well. But he listened the words, they weren’t inviting and they were irritating. He hit delete and dropped his phone on the counter. He filled a glass full of water, grabbed the aspirin that was in the drawer next to the fridge and walked back down the hall to his bedroom.


	75. Chapter 75

Thomas laughed as a very sleepy Jimmy followed him down the hall, or rather made it very difficult for Thomas to walk down the hall, because Jimmy kept looping his arms around from behind. Hands pulling at his suit jacket and shirt. He kept swatting away his hands but not very effectually because by the time they reached the door, Thomas was not only holding one of Jimmy hands but being slammed into against. Jimmy kissing him and he groaned as he broke it and managed to push him about five inches away from him. 

“Stay…” Jimmy whined. 

“I can’t…”

“The sun is barely up…come back to bed,” Jimmy latched his mouth onto Thomas throat. 

“Ahhh…” Thomas sighed and grabbed his face and made Jimmy look up at him. The intention was to explain why he couldn’t blow off the meeting but instead he kissed him. Jimmy hummed in that way it did which made watching him sing highly sexual for Thomas. He sighed against Jimmy’s lips and shoved him away. This time to a slightly more appropriate distance.

“You’re mean.”

“Yes, so mean, as I got to iron the final details on your contract. You do realize you’re getting more money than most new artists.”

Jimmy sighed. “When you put it that way, I suppose I should let my very smart boyfriend go ensure the details.” 

“The details are everything, I’m meeting our lawyer first to make sure no loopholes — except for maybe a few in our favor are in it.” 

“Our lawyer, our loopholes…. This is turning me on.” Jimmy grinned and stepped closer. 

Thomas slammed a palm against Jimmy’s chest but he made the mistake of looking down and seeing just aroused Jimmy was. Nothing was hidden under the worn-thin sweats that hung obscenely low on Jimmy’s hips. “You’re too…” he muttered.

“What’s that,” Jimmy asked as he tried to get Thomas’ hand off his chest. 

“Beautiful.” 

Jimmy grinned.

“I have to go,” Thomas said but he was relenting, he felt it, he was going to give in. But then there was a sharp knock on the door. It startled them both and Thomas turned to look through the peephole. 

“Who the hell is here so early?”

“Elsie Hughes.”

“Clock lady?” 

“Clock lady?” Thomas laughed and sighed as he looked Jimmy up and down. “Get out of sight, we’re not giving her a heart attack.” 

There was another knock. “Mr. Barrow?”

“Just a minute, Mrs. Hughes,” Thomas said and glared at Jimmy. 

Jimmy grumbled. “I had you, I had you in the palm of my hand…” 

Thomas laughed because it was true.

“Damn it,” Jimmy sighed and turned around. 

Thomas waited until Jimmy’s fantastic ass was out of sight before opening the door. He was sure his face was quite pink because it felt quite hot and he prayed Elsie Hughes wouldn’t guess as to why. “Mrs. Hughes.”

“Elsie, Mr. Barrow, please.” 

“Thomas,” he offered and noticed she was with another woman.

“I hate to bother you so early, but your hours have been so odd of late, I thought this was the best time to catch you.” 

“It probably is, do you want to come in?” he asked and stepped backward to let the women in. 

“Thomas is my dear friend Ruth. This is Thomas… I’ve been telling her all about you.”

“All about me?” he asked. 

“You can fix clocks?” Ruth asked and Thomas noticed she was holding a bag. 

“I can, yes,” he said. 

“Do you think you could fix this?” She handed him the bag. 

Taking it he went to the coffee table as it was the closest surface. He pulled out a rather plain and nondescript clock and recognized the brand name on it’s bottom. Not the best made clocks the world, he thought. 

“I know it’s rather ugly and it’s tune was always a bit off key, but my husband — bless him. He got it for me before we were married and I’ve just always felt attached to it.” 

“I see.”

“I was saying you might be able to make it more in tune? Or was that out of turn?” Mrs. Hughes asked. “I swear my chime is more clear now.” 

Thomas felt his cheeks start to redden again and he looked at the clock. “Yeah, I can fix this… Ruth. It’s no problem.”

“I’ll compensate you for your time.” 

“No, no… It’s a hobby, that’s all. It’s nothing.” 

“But…”

“The truth is Ruth, that Elsie lets my boyfriend play his guitar at all hours. I know there have been complaints.” He looked at Elsie.

“Oh, pish…that music he makes is not harsh on the ears, now is it. And it’s at a legal decibel. I know my business as landlord, but if you want to do this as a favor to me, I’ll tell Ruth to take it.” 

“Fine, fine…” Ruth looked at her clock. “I am quite thankful. How long?”

“Oh…um. I have meeting for most of today, but I’ll look at it tonight and let Elsie know how long I’ll think it be tomorrow.” 

“Thank you,” she said. 

Elsie smiled and stepped toward him, kissed his cheek and then started to fix his tie. He looked down to see how ruined it was from Jimmy’s _coaxing_ and his cheeks flared red again. 

“There, there, now you look your usual dapper self,” she said. 

“Mrs. Hughes,” Jimmy called out from behind him. 

Thomas turned and saw he’d put on jeans and nothing else. He rolled his eyes just as Ruth went. “Oh, my.” Jimmy instantly smirked at Thomas and Thomas shook his head at him but matched his smirk. When he turned back Elsie and Ruth were exchanging glances that he couldn’t interpret and he was quite fine with the mystery. 

“I’m leaving now,” Thomas said. 

Jimmy picked up his guitar and sat down on the chair. He looked at Thomas and winked. “If you must.” 

“I’ll walk you ladies out,” Thomas said as he reached for his briefcase. Opened the door and allowed Elsie and Ruth to walk out first. He followed him and the minute he closed the door, he heard Jimmy break out into song, his voice low and dirty — purposely so and Thomas managed to hit himself with his briefcase. 

“Are you alright, Thomas?” Elsie asked. 

“Quite, quite, alright…” he said as imagined murdering Jimmy, or taking him, it was a hard choice at the moment. “Ladies.” He motioned for them to head toward the elevator in front of them. As they all got off on the first floor, Ruth thanked him again and he told her to wait until it was fixed. He made his way to his car and slid inside and his phone started ringing. Fishing it from his suit pocket he looked to see who it was and groaned when it was Jimmy. 

“Thinking up some new lyrics…” Jimmy said into his ear before Thomas even spoke. 

“Are you?”

“Yeah, something about a hot guy in a suit and how you just want to grab their tie and have your way with them.” 

Thomas groaned. “I do not have time for phone sex.” 

“If you hadn’t opened the door for the clock ladies…”

“I’m quite thrilled with their interruption, I won’t be late to the meeting.”

“Why do you have to look so hot in a suit?”

“Why do you have to look so bloody beautiful breathing?” Thomas whined. 

“Come upstairs.” 

Thomas sighed and shook his head. “No.” 

“Had to try.” 

“Work on your song, Jimmy. First session is tomorrow.” 

Jimmy sighed. “Yeah, I gotta… Rundown still has some kinks, Ivy’s coming over. Going to figure it out.” 

“You will,” Thomas said. 

“Why do you have so much faith in me?”

“No idea,” Thomas said. “I just do.” 

“Daft.” 

“You’re probably right.” 

“Go make sure we have our good loopholes.” 

“That is the plan,” Thomas started the car. 

“Love you.”

“Love you,” he ended the call and grinned as he pulled out of the parking lot. 

~~~

Thomas thanked the waitress for his tea and turned back to the pile of notes in front of him at the small table of the small tea house he stepped into. He had a small break before re-meeting up with his and Jimmy’s industry lawyer. The meeting had gone very well and Jimmy would official sign everything tomorrow right before his first recording session. Thomas made a few more notes on one piece of paper before tucking it safely in a file. Then he took the mess the he made, created a neat little pile of half sentences and doodles of watches to throwaway on his way out. His phone buzzed on the table, vibrating close enough to this tea cup for them to clink together. He picked it up to see who was calling. It was Clara Clotteril and he considered answering it but this was his one break of the day. His food would be arriving soon enough, he’d call her after his meeting with the lawyer. 

His phone buzzed again the moment he put it down. Sighing, he picked it up again to see who it was and if they warranted him picking up. The number made him freeze. An uncomfortable cold ran down his spine and he clenched his jaw. He recognized the number. It was his father again. If Thomas thought he could stomach seeing Philip again he would go find him to punch him in his face for a second time. It was the only way his father could possibly have his number and he knew it for what it was… Payback from Philip for the breakup. It justified his decision in ways he wished he couldn’t imagine. Because he wanted nothing to do with Rupert Barrow. The call went through to his voicemail but he still held the phone. Hoping that he wouldn’t see the voicemail alert pop up on his phone. 

“Here you go,” the waitress said and put the sandwich he ordered in front of him. Thomas looked at it and realized his appetite was gone. Instead he drank more tea and jumped when the phone buzzed again and the voicemail alert was there taunting him. He stared at it for a full minute and decided that getting it over with was the best idea. He called in to it and listened to Clara’s brief message, nodding as it was what he expected. Then came silence, slight static behind it and then a clock chimed. Thomas closed his eyes just as his father’s voice finally filled the air.

_Thomas, son, while your reticence may be understandable it is important to me we speak._

As he listened the grip on his phone tightened and his already clenched jaw, clenched harder. He quickly deleted the message and quickly tried to erase the words from his brain. Wishing he never heard him, he should have deleted the message before he spoke. Why even listen to the old man? He didn’t care about Thomas, it was clear from the messages. What his father wanted was about himself and not Thomas at all. He had no comprehension of what he done to his own son. Thomas gritted his teeth and leaned back in his chair. He had to push this away and calm down. He breathe in through his nose and breathed out slowly but it wasn’t helping. 

He picked up the phone, opening to his text messages. Jimmy sent a few but he hadn’t dared read them lest he get distracted. But that was exactly what he needed now. He scrolled to the first of the handful that been sent and started reading. 

_We’re out of milk and cereal. I’ll drag Ivy with me to the store when she gets here. We’re gonna need snacks anyway. Want anything?_

There was something about how simple it was that wrapped around Thomas warmly and he reached for his sandwich and read the next text. 

_I swear this clock just chimed and then twanged, it sounded like a string on my guitar breaking. It was right creepy I thought it was dead._

Thomas smirked thinking the clock getting jostled on its way to him might had lined things up a bit for one last clang. A wire probably had broken inside it just like a guitar string. He laughed at the thought, clocks and guitars having things in common. 

_I was thinking… damn it Ivy’s calling._

He smirked at the aborted text. 

_Ivy’s super late, she called to say she was gonna be a little late. She’s super late. So… been thinking about this new song… Seeing this well dressed man, so done up and all neat. Gotta mess that up, right, get your hand in his hair and pull apart the tie and all the fancy buttons. Get them between you and a wall… Damn it she’s here._

Thomas laughed and groaned. Now he was hot, he felt like his face as on fire and he looked around the tea room and let out a relieved breath no one was looking at him. He took a deep breath and felt like he could breathe and he felt lighter. He smiled and sent off a quick text to Jimmy. 

_What I want isn’t sold at the grocery store._


	76. Chapter 76

Clara Clotteril looked Thomas right in the eye and shook her head. “You’re a fast learner.” 

“Am I?”

“I’ve been looking into you.”

“And I you,” Thomas said. 

“Slippery you are…”

“I certainly hope so,” he said. 

“I never quite realized how running a night club made one qualified to be not only someone's agent but their business manager in the music industry. Though, I might like to see someone else try it.”

“They wouldn’t pull it off,” Thomas said with confidence.

“No, no, I think not. You were wasted at that night club. I knew that right away, but you seemed quite ambitious at the time we met. Weren’t their plans to own your own night club?”

“Were there… I don’t recall ever saying that.” 

“No, no, you’re too smart. I would've followed you too…” She paused to look at her phone. “I don’t suppose you want more clients?”

“Other than Jimmy?” Thomas laughed. “No.” 

“So, this is only a labor of love?”

“Yes,” Thomas admitted. “But don’t think I won’t do a good job at it.”

Clara laughed and looked at the contract in front of her. “You’ve protected that boys ass well, never seen an untested new artist get a contract this good — heck, I’m sure not all of our well-established artists have a contract this good. But we’ll all be making money, so that’s all that matters.”

“A lot of money.”

“You’re quite sure of him.”

“You’re quite sure of him Clara… Or you wouldn’t have budged on so many of my points of contention,” Thomas said. “If that’s all, I’d like to let him know that it’s happening. Tomorrow he signs it.” 

“Yes… Well, my people are still trying to get all the videos of him off of that infernal Youtube.”

Thomas laughed. “It creates buzz; it’s a good thing, Clara.” 

“Yes, yes, I suppose it is…”

“His fans will wait, they’ll get impatient even. It’s good,” Thomas laughed. 

“It is, yes. And yes, I am sure of Jimmy. The minute I heard him singing that song. What is it called?”

“Rundown.” 

“It’s catchy but deep…”

Thomas nodded and put his copy of the contract in his briefcase. “So, 9 am? At the studio?”

“Everyone will be there, and he’ll sign his life away to us.”

Thomas shook his head. “Only a piece of it, do well to remember that.” 

Clara laughed. “Years of doing business with you will be quite fun.”

“I’ll agree to that,” Thomas said. “If that’s all, I’ll be off.” 

“For now.” She stood up and offered Thomas, her hand. He shook it and gave her a slight smile of goodbye. As he walked down the hallway to the elevator tension slid off his shoulders. He was thrilled to hear her compliments on his acumen because he felt like he was running blind. Learning everything as it happened, using his common sense and business knowledge to get over the bumps as he saw them coming. It was exhilarating in a way, the challenge and there was even a little bit of danger to it all. It wasn’t at all like the day to day of a night club running — even with the fires that came up because by the second year he’d figured it all out. The surprises were rarely surprises, no they all fell into easy categories. Running Betwixt he realized had been boring, tedious and it had become a bad habit. 

He knew that now, it was what Edward been trying to tell him. What Sybil tried to get through to him. It was Jimmy that made him see it. Jimmy and all the crazy he brought into Thomas’ life. He sighed and pulled at his tie until it hung loose and unbuttoned the top buttons of his shirt. The rush was fun, doing whatever he could do to help Jimmy was satisfying but business… 

He was good at it. He always was, and it had been why he’d picked up running a night club quickly despite his lack of experience. It was why he’d gotten Clara Clotteril to look at him like an equal. He didn’t hate it, he liked the challenges, but they weren’t enough. It wasn’t enough. It was checks and balances; it was following rules but knowing where to bend them. It was looking out for yourself. Those were things he was good at, loopholes and making sure his ass was covered. In this case, it was Jimmy’s assets, Jimmy’s music, and Jimmy’s words. He was covering those at the expense of others because it was what was needed. But it was business, and it was better than the night club, only because of Jimmy.

Jimmy was his, and he was Jimmy’s. They were a unit and every word out of his mouth; they were Jimmy’s words too. His heart and soul were going into the music, and Thomas was making sure he would earn money for that hard work. Jimmy was bright and he the stage was where he belonged. A section of the world already knew it, and soon more of the world would find it out. 

Thomas smirked as he stepped out of the elevator and made it toward his car. Tonight he’d go over the contract with him and tomorrow Jimmy would sign it. Then he’d start recording, and Thomas felt giddy about it. About having a hand in giving it to Jimmy. Yes, he was good at business, and he was able to give that talent to Jimmy. 

But business wasn’t his heart. He needed more, he needed something that was his, and he knew it. He knew what Jimmy thought he should be doing but it scared him. He knew Edward wanted it too and Sybil. The three people who mattered, one of them gone but Thomas knew… 

Jimmy knew it immediately. 

Jimmy always saw right through him. One second of him with a clock and Jimmy knew. He saw it, and he wanted to pull it out. But it wasn’t that easy, Thomas sighed. He couldn’t just step into the clock making business. He was out of the loop, he’d tried to stay in the loop, but he’d allowed Betwixt to take up all of his time. He was slowly catching up, but there was so much to know, and he had no resources to use, or call in to get practical experience. He knew his father still had him blacklisted. 

He frowned. He stopped by his car and put his briefcase on the hood and pulled his phone out of his pocket. Three missed calls. His father’s number. Thomas clenched his jaw. Whatever the old man wanted it wasn’t about Thomas. There wouldn’t be any open arms; he wasn’t about to let Thomas taint his workshop. 

Thomas called in his voicemail and hit delete the second the three messages started. His father caused a big wall; one Thomas had to find a way up if he wanted to do anything in relations to clocks. Only he wasn’t sure he did — yes a part of him loved it. Maybe more than he should, he always had, and he’d never even thought about it as his father’s thing — until Rupert Barrow made doors slam in his face. 

It was his. 

His thing. 

The intricate work, the ticks, the chimes. 

Thomas sighed and shoved his phone in his back pocket again. He grabbed the briefcase and opened the door to the car. There was maybe a loophole, a way around the slammed doors. He could find a window. Maybe? But did he want too? He thought about the messages he was no longer listening too…

Would his father always taint it all? 

~~~

Ivy clapped. 

Jimmy grinned at her but then he shook his head.

“Jimmy it’s perfect.”

“Not yet…” he sighed and picked up his notebook. “Something’s still off.” 

“Like what?” Ivy whined. 

“You don’t have to be here,” Jimmy said, but they both knew he didn’t mean it.

“Yes, I do… I just don’t know why?” Ivy asked him. 

“Because you knew me when I thought Santa Claus was real and you knew me when I fell to pieces — which is what this song is about. And because you know me now after I picked all the pieces up.” 

“You mean Thomas picked all the pieces up,” Ivy said. 

Jimmy blushed but nodded. “Exactly, Ivy. I need you.”

“I don’t write.”

“You’re writing this song with me.” 

“Always wanted to, you know, you never used to let me.”

Jimmy sighed. “You wanted to help for the wrong reasons.” 

“Yeah… And what was I thinking? I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“You’re doing fine, Ivy. Better than… This song is 95% better than it was… We just have that last 5%.” 

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not…” Jimmy sighed and looked at the notebook. 

“What?”

“It’s a…” he groaned. “I can’t find the word. Let’s just play it again from the top?”

Ivy nodded, and Jimmy pulled his guitar back into his arms. The door opened though pausing him just before he was about to strum. He grinned as Thomas walked in and felt his insides move like they wanted to rush to him. Jimmy made himself stay where he was though, despite wanting to listen to the urge to touch. The song was important, and it had to be his focused. But damn his boyfriend was hot. 

Thomas pulled off his suit jacket and looked at him. “It’s all set.”

Jimmy grinned even wider. “So, I sign everything tomorrow?”

“Yep.”

Ivy squealed. “Yes, yes, yes….”

“ Ivy, I did up a contract for you too,” Thomas said.

Jimmy laughed as Ivy blinked at him. “What?” she asked. 

“Background singers and co-writer’s get paid — I’m not going to become a music manager, but you come with Jimmy, so watching out for you too.” 

“I…” Ivy stammered and blushed. “But…Jimmy’s the rockstar.” 

Jimmy laughed as Thomas gaze swung back to him, exasperation and amusement on his face. Jimmy beamed back because it made him happy that at some point Thomas decided Ivy was their adopted little sister and not just Jimmy’s sister. 

“You want it, right?” Thomas asked.

“Of course, it’s just… I didn’t think about it.”

Jimmy laughed and watched Thomas cover his mouth with his hand, so he wasn’t laughing at her face. “We figured, we got your back. Now…” he glanced at Thomas. “I gotta keep working on this.”

Thomas nodded. 

“The top?” Ivy said.

“The top…” 

He started singing, glancing at his notes and keeping up with the changes already made. Ivy in harmony with him as always coming in at the right second and holding her own. Their voices fitting together and the song works, it flows, it’s perfect right until the third time he starts the chorus… 

He stopped abruptly, and Ivy singing _Rundown_ on her own echoed through the flat. He gave her an apologetic shrugged and moved the guitar off him and picked up his notebook. 

“Maybe we just don’t do the chorus a third time?” she said.

He gave her a look.

“Well, what else then?” 

“Don’t know yet…” he groaned. 

“Tea?” Thomas asked. 

Jimmy looked up and bit his lower lip at the sight of him. He’d taken a shower, his hair was wet and over his eyes, and he’d thrown on sweatpants and was wearing one of Jimmy’s band shirts, Metallica spelled out across Thomas’ chest. Which looked all wrong and all right. He was all soft and a bit undone and that just always slammed into Jimmy’s heart. “What?” he asked forgetting the question.

“Tea, he wants to know if we want tea,” Ivy laughed. 

“No, beer. I need beer.”

Ivy nodded. “Me too, putting up with him today has been an experience.”

Thomas laughed and turned around. Jimmy went back to staring at his notes. At the one thing he’d written down: _It’s missing something, a noise? A sound? Something?_ He frowned and underlined something for the sixth time. 

“That’s helpful,” Ivy deadpanned reading it over his shoulder. 

“Well, got anything?”

“Maybe if you wanted lyric help, or maybe actual notes, but I’m all out of something.” 

“Don’t have to be sarcastic about it,” Jimmy grumbled. 

“Maybe wait until you’re in the studio?” Thomas suggested, and he held out two beers. 

“Oh, that’s not happening,” Ivy said.

Jimmy shook his head and snatched the beer. “No. No. No… Gotta to it now, it’s right there…it’s right…” he groaned. “I can’t almost think it.” 

“Well, I’ll just take this and go over to the dining table…” Thomas picked up the clock. 

Jimmy stared at it in Thomas' hands and realized he forgot about it. Which felt wrong and he had this weird jolt of guilt about it. “Think you can fix it?”

“Hope so; it’s a crap clock. Sentiment can really make you love anything,” Thomas laughed. 

“Really?”

“The clockmakers that made this thing shouldn’t be called clockmakers.”

“You know about clocks?” Ivy asked.

“A bit,” Thomas shrugged and pulled over his tools.

“I have a broken watch could you…”

“That Mickey Mouse watch?” Jimmy laughed. 

“Shut up; I love that watch.”

“You got it when you were eight…”

“I’ll look at it,” Thomas said breaking up the argument. “You two get back to work.” 

Jimmy nodded in agreement. He felt in a rush… “Okay, let’s take it from the second verse…” he started playing and tried to focus on what he needed, tried to focus on what the _something_ was… 

But halfway through the second verse, his eyes fell on Thomas. He was sitting facing them, but he wasn’t watching them. He had the clock open, pieces of it on the table in front of him and his tongue was poking out of his mouth. His expression was focused but soft — not at all like it was when he was looking at contracts and making business cards. He looked like Jimmy felt when he played, Jimmy thought. He was lost in the clock, and it was beautiful. Jimmy watched Thomas' hands handle the tools, doing delicate things to the delicate thing it turned out clocks were. 

“Uh, Jimmy?” Ivy’s voice broke into his reverie.

“What?” he asked not looking away from Thomas. 

“You stopped playing.” 

“I know.”

“Are you going to jump him,” she whispered. “Should I leave?”

“Don’t be daft,” he said, and he stared at Thomas. “Fuck…”

“What?”

“We need a…” he grinned. “We need a clock.” 

“What?”

“The third chorus it’s when the time runs out, there is no more running… Clock’s stopped. We need… Beat. A much harder beat.” 

“Okay…” Ivy looked at him like he was nuts.

“I’ll show you…” he scribbled down what was needed. He glanced back at Thomas and grinned because of course, that was what was missing.


	77. Chapter 77

Meetings and meetings. Jimmy rubbed his temples as he stepped out of the elevator of their building. He had been at the studio since 7 am and though he knew he spent most of it making music it felt like at least half of it was production meetings. And arguing. But he wasn’t going to simply yield to their suggestions. They were fools if they thought he would and he had a certain amount of control — thanks to Thomas. Jimmy grinned at the thought of it, and he sighed as he opened the door to an empty flat. Thomas’ day was all meetings and more meetings. Jimmy sighed and felt for him because at least Jimmy got to break it up with playing music. His music, in a professional studio, singing with one of his best friends on a song they wrote. Ivy was giddy, and he was too, he grinned again as the reality of it tried to sink in. But it never fully did because he was getting his dream — and it was better than he dreamed even if it also came with tedious meetings and a few idiots who thought they knew him better than he knew himself. 

If there was one thing, Jimmy figured in the past eight months or so was who he was and who he wanted to be. He dropped his keys on Thomas’ desk and walked over to drop his guitar case on the chair. He rubbed his temples again and walked down the hall to the bedroom. In search of the aspirin and glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was almost 7 pm, and he hoped Thomas was heading home soon. 

He needed him, Jimmy thought, because his mind was buzzing. Buzzing with anxieties and over thinking all things that were being discussed and worried about if what they’d recorded was worked or not. He pulled out the MP4 player the studio given him. In it was his song, was Rundown, played with a full band of instruments and the important drum beats the song lacked when it was him and just a guitar. It had him and Ivy in harmony with two other background singers: a man and woman. Rundown was close to being fully realized; it was becoming what was in his head finally hit the air. 

But he was afraid to listen to it. What if it was all wrong? What if he couldn’t fix it? What if it wasn’t good enough? He laughed a bit because all day he’d been confident. Any question someone asked he had the answer to it. He explained what he wanted, and once he finally gotten it across, he’d seen the musicians and producers working with him start to see him as an equal. But now, all alone, with all of it so new and him flying blind. He was feeling lost, and he was feeling the itch to escape the walls he was in and rush somewhere to drink and dance. To be stupid, but he wasn’t that guy anymore, but he felt ready to fly off the handle. He needed Thomas. He could ground him. He was the only one who could ground him. 

Jimmy wanted to open a bottle of wine, order in and sit with Thomas. Quiet and together. He needed to just breathe, and he was pretty sure Thomas might need it too because they barely saw each other. They'd woken up together though and kissed lazily until their alarms became impossible to ignore and reality needed to be faced. Because reality was great right now so why hide from it? 

Jimmy sighed and felt weird in his own skin. He decided to open the bottle of wine and order food. Maybe Thomas would get home in time, and if he didn’t, they could reheat everything. He hummed as he walked around the apartment and got everything done. Then he sat down in his chair with a glass of wine and his eyes fell on the coffee table. Ruth’s clock was on it, opened up, it’s insides on display to the world. Thomas had a series of copper pieces and parts on the table next to it, all lined up and carefully organized. Jimmy grinned at the sight of it — he knew Thomas was spending all his precious spare moments working on it for Ruth. Muttering about it under his breath and reading magazines, and searching the internet. He was doing more than fixing it, and Jimmy grinned as he remembered Thomas telling him he was going to make it a better clock. 

When Thomas talked about clocks his whole face lit up, and he looked like a boy. Young and happy and free. He spoke about them in a way that talked about artistry and imagination. It was never technical. No, when Thomas talked about clocks it sounded like he was talking about magic. Jimmy could listen to him talk about them for hours, and he knew he didn't understand a thing. But he felt closer to Thomas when he was talking about clocks because he got to see a part of Thomas he usually kept hidden — maybe even from himself. 

Jimmy was living his dream, and he wanted Thomas to live his too. He sighed and checked the time. It’d be a bit before the food order arrived, he might as well suck it up and listen to his song. He grabbed the player and his headphones. He was just about to put the headphones on when there was a sharp knock on the door. 

He frowned and dropped everything on his chair as he got up. He looked through the peep hole and his brow furrowed in curiosity. A tall man, who had to be in his seventies was standing in the hall. He was expensively dressed and looked like he was sneering down his nose at the door. He knocked again, quick and sharp, and Jimmy felt apprehensive, but he opened the door. 

“Can I help you?” he asked. 

The man looked at him with clear and palpable disdain. “I very much doubt it. I’m not here to see you.” 

Jimmy bristled feeling insulted. Who was this guy? He looked him up and down and hoped his disappointment in the man was palpable. What he was was a tall, old man, with dark gray hair and blue eyes with no depth. There was nothing behind them but the contempt he held for Jimmy. He bristled harder and nodded at the man. “Well, then goodbye,” he said and started to close the door. 

But the man put his foot out and kept it open. “I am here to see Thomas Barrow.” 

“Well, he’s not home.”

“I’ll wait,” the man said, and he pushed at the door and right by Jimmy. Jimmy stood there his mouth dropping open as the man just walked into his home uninvited. 

“Look….”

“I would’ve thought Thomas earned enough to afford a better living space than this…” the man shook his head.

Jimmy realized who the man was — and how had he missed it. He looked him up and down and realized he looked eerily like Thomas. Only he was sharper and colder, and he was harder than Thomas. When Jimmy looked at Thomas he felt a pull, an energy telling him he must get closer. He didn’t feel any sort pull toward Rupert Barrow at all. In fact, he felt the urge to get as far away from him as possible. 

“We like it here, Mr. Barrow. And, like I said he’s not home. I’ll tell him you dropped by…” he motioned toward the door.

“I won’t be leaving until I talk to my son.” 

Jimmy glared at him. 

“He has no respect, ignoring my calls. He can’t avoid this.” 

Calls? Jimmy frowned because Thomas hadn’t mentioned any phone calls from his father. Irritation prickled at his skin at the knowledge, and he narrowed his eyes at Mr. Barrow. “What is it you want to say to him?”

“That is none of your business.” 

“Thomas is my business.”

“Because the two of you playing…. House? Unnatural…” 

“Why don’t you go and I’ll tell him you came by,” Jimmy said, and he motioned at the door, stepping closer to open it.

“And have him continue to ignore me. No.” 

“He obviously doesn’t wish to talk to you.” 

“You should offer me a drink.” 

Jimmy stared at him. “I should, should I?” 

“It’s quite rude not too.”

“It’s quite rude to barge in uninvited,” Jimmy snapped. “Look. Sybil’s said enough. You have regrets, and you feel guilty. You might drop dead at any moment. No one gives a damn about it, Rupert.” 

Rupert Barrow’s eyes narrowed, and he stalked closer to Jimmy, using his height to intimidate, and his face became sharp with confident superiority. “How dare you speak to me in that manner, who do you think you are?”

“I think I love Thomas, who the hell are you?” Jimmy snapped. “Oh, I know, the man who threw him out when he was sixteen.” 

“He landed on his feet well enough,” Rupert Barrow said. 

“Is that why you’re here then? To tell him you think he landed on his feet well?”

Rupert Barrow sneered at him and turned away from him. Jimmy sighed and jumped when there was another knock on the door. Remembering he ordered food he quickly turned to open it. He paid the guy quickly and brought the bags into the kitchenette. One his eyes on Rupert Barrow. The man helped himself to a glass of the expensive bourbon and walked around the flat and glaring at everything with severe disdain. He looked out of place in their modest flat Jimmy realized. In his too expensive tailor suit and with the snobbish way he looked down his nose. He thought he was better than them. Better than Jimmy. Better than his son. 

“When will he be here?”

“I don’t know,” Jimmy said, and he glanced at his cell to find there was no reply to his text. “He’s a very busy man.” 

“Is he? Philip tells me he stopped working.”

“That dick knows nothing about Thomas’ life.” 

“Philip Dewell is to be the Duke of Crowborough. He understands the way of things — Thomas should have stayed in his good graces.” 

Jimmy laughed. It was absurd. 

“You find this funny?”

“Are you telling me you think your son would have been wise to stay Dick’s dirty little not-so-secret?” 

“You’re quite distasteful aren’t you? If things must be… If he must insist on being… Well, yes he would have done well to stay in Philip’s good graces. I remember Thomas being quite ambitious by nature, I thought he was doing well but being here I’m quite unsure…” 

Thomas was ambitious Jimmy thought, but right now he was focusing that specific trait onto Jimmy. For Jimmy. Jimmy felt himself blush as he thought about all the things Thomas was doing for him. All the things he'd already had accomplished for him. He looked at Rupert Barrow and wondered if that man had that kind of generosity inside of him. 

Rupert Barrow walked around the couch and stopped still. Jimmy followed his gaze and saw he was looking at Ruth’s clock. He stepped forward and picked it up. 

“Hey, put that back,” Jimmy yelled.

“What in the…” the man’s eyes narrowed into slits as he squinted into the insides of the clock. “This is…Thomas did this?” 

Jimmy blinked because the man’s entire bearing changed and his tone was no longer dripping with contempt but surprise. His own eyes narrowed as he watched the man looking at the clock and down at the pieces that were arranged on the coffee table. 

“Answer me,” Rupert Barrow snapped that disdain of his sliding right back into his tone. 

“Of course, Thomas did it… He was asked to fix it for a friend of our landlord.”

“Who would want this shoddy piece of crap fixed.” 

“It was for sentimental reasons.”

“Sentiment is for the weak,” Rupert Barrow snapped, and his entire body stiffened. He put the clock back down on the table and looked around again. Suddenly he looked lost to Jimmy, unsure and there was no smug confidence. 

“Why are you here?” 

“What gave him the idea he could improve that clock?” Rupert Barrow as looking down at it again. 

“I don’t know, probably the fact that he can. Why are you here?” Jimmy asked again. 

“He is my son.” 

Jimmy laughed. 

“I… am an old man.”

“And if you have another heart attack you’re probably dead.” 

“He’s quite good with them isn’t he?” Rupert Barrow was looking at the clock again. “It’s quite amazing what he has done here…” 

“He’s an amazing person,” Jimmy said. 

Rupert Barrow looked at him. “He always had quite the aptitude for horology.” 

“I know,” Jimmy hissed.

“He’s my son…” 

“No. I’m not,” Thomas’ voice rang loud in the room. Jimmy turned around and met panicked gray eyes. Thomas jaw was clenched making his cheekbones seem to protrude at a harder angle. Jimmy hurried to his side and turned toward Rupert. He was standing to his full height again, but Jimmy noticed he was shorter than Thomas, his shoulders were sloped, he suddenly looked like an old man with a bad heart. Jimmy couldn’t read the expression on his face as Rupert Barrow stared at his son. But he knew one thing. It wasn’t love.


	78. Chapter 78

Thomas swallowed down panic. He looked at Jimmy and grabbed his hand and something settled as Jimmy’s fingers threaded with his own. But nothing changed. His father was standing his home like he thought he belonged there. His father was telling people Thomas was his son. Bitterness rose up and made Thomas stand taller. He clenched his jaw and squeezed Jimmy’s hand. 

“Get out,” his voice sounded stiff to him and unnatural Anger and pain making it choked. He felt strangled by it. 

“We need to talk, Thomas,” Rupert said, and his eyes fell to his and Jimmy’s hands. Thomas saw the disgust flicker over his father’s feature. It was a look he knew well. He never forgot it. He saw it every day as a kid and then a teenager. “Alone,” Rupert added with contempt in his voice. 

“I said leave,” Thomas said. 

Rupert shook his head and stared at him. Thomas met his gaze, refusing to stand down. “You need to shave.” 

Thomas stroked a hand down his face, the stubble against his palm and he smiled despite him. He kept it at a level that wasn’t too unprofessional and kept Jimmy happy. He liked keeping Jimmy happy. He glanced at Jimmy who was looking right at him with a smirk on his face. Thomas felt his mouth quirk upward at it, but his father clearing his throat made him look back at him. 

“It’s quite unprofessional.”

“My boyfriend prefers it,” Thomas snapped.

“Must you be so…” Rupert sighed.

“Gay?” Thomas asked. 

“Don’t be crass.”

Thomas felt Jimmy turn into a tense wire, he could feel the anger building in him, and he squeezed his hand and sent him a look to stay quiet. Jimmy glared at him but pressed his lips together into a tight line. The color going out them and Thomas fell in love more in love with him. 

“We must talk Thomas, so have him leave.” 

“Whatever you have to say, you can say in front of Jimmy.” 

“It’s private, Thomas. Between a father and his son.”

“There is no father and son in this room.” 

“Thomas, don’t be impertinent.”

“Me? I don’t wish to talk to you.” 

“Thomas, whatever has happened you are my son.”

A bitter laugh barked out of his chest. “The last time we spoke, you told me I was no son of yours.” 

“I was angry, you were… It was embarrassing what you and Philip were doing.” 

“Right. I embarrassed you, how awful of me. It was right of you to toss me out and tell me never to call you father again.”

“It was a moment of anger.”

“A moment? Twenty years is a moment?” 

Rupert sighed again, and his eyes landed on Jimmy, then Thomas and then seemed to take in the both of them. “Fine, if he must stay… As I believe you know I’ve had a heart attack.” 

Thomas remained quiet. 

“You have nothing to say to that?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Thomas…” he snapped.

“Stop acting like I owe you anything. I’ve not laid eyes on you since I was sixteen. I’ve lived my life. No thanks to you. I made it something.” 

“Yet, you seem to be tossing it away….” He looked at Jimmy. 

“Why the fuck are you here?”

“Have you no manners?”

“Have you any self-awareness,” Jimmy snapped. 

Thomas squeezed his hand and shook his head slightly. Jimmy pressed his lips together again, but his eyes said he was reaching his limit. Thomas took a deep breath. “You’re the one standing here uninvited… Rupert.” 

“I have… Been keeping an eye on you.” 

“Am I meant to be thankful.”

“I made a mistake,” Rupert said. 

Thomas wasn't at all sure he’d heard that right. “What?”

“I made a mistake.” 

Thomas nodded. 

Rupert sighed. “I have no wish to condone how you live.” 

Thomas rolled his eyes. 

“But…” Rupert shook his head. “The truth is you are my son.” 

“That’s far from the truth.” 

“Fine. You’re my heir.” 

“Funny, I recall you telling me I was written out of the will.” 

“And you were…” Rupert said. “However….” 

Anger slammed into him, bitterness took over, and he felt like something snapped inside of his chest. It was probably his heart breaking and he hated it for it. Memories slammed into him, his father shouting as he forced him to pack his clothes and things up in two cases. And slamming the door in his face once he was on the front stoop. The Crawley's telling him his father would calm down and take him back. But he never did, and Thomas stopped wanting him too years ago. 

“OUT.” He shouted it and stepped toward him, intent on getting him out of his home, away from him where he belonged. Rupert flinched which made Thomas smile, and he stepped closer, hand reaching out grab him by the arm. Only Jimmy was yanking him back, pulling at him and Thomas turned with a glare. 

Jimmy shook his head and stepped into his space. “Let’s hear him out,” he whispered into his ear. Thomas stared at him, and he was shaking, he stared into Jimmy’s eyes baffled. 

“Heir…” Jimmy said his voice was low and full of meaning. “Think about it, hear it out at least.” 

Thomas breathed, and maybe it would’ve been loud to his ears but his heart was pounding too hard and he was seeing red. But Jimmy’s gaze was clear, and Jimmy’s brain was whirring behind his eyes. He was angry too, he would’ve thrown Rupert out a few minutes ago but Jimmy was changing his mind. All because Rupert said _heir_. He closed his eyes and felt dizzy. But when he opened them he nodded. 

“Go on,” Jimmy said. 

Thomas stayed turned away, and he wasn’t sure he could look at him again without snapping. He focused on Jimmy’s face and the cunning the look in his eyes. 

“Thomas?”

“Just finish the thought,” Jimmy ordered. “However?” 

He heard his father sigh, long and put upon and he clenched his jaw. “I have looked into you, Thomas. You’re quite the business man from what I’ve been told. Smart and ambitious…. I cannot fault those traits. In fact, I find them needed. I’m an old man, Thomas. The company needs a sharper brain. I thought I had boys under me who could handle it. But they’ve let things slide. They aren’t up to snuff.” 

“You think Thomas would be?” Jimmy asked sounding surprised. 

“Like I said… I had him looked into.” 

“What you do hire someone to spy on him?” 

Thomas laughed. Jimmy was right, and he laughed and turned around. “You hired a detective?” 

“Of course I did…. I can only glean so much from those trashy magazines. It pays to be knowledgable, and I know you believe in that as well Thomas. You were always a quick learner. And…” Rupert looked at the coffee table. 

Thomas felt his cheeks heat, the clock broken apart in the middle of its reconstruction. He stepped forward the urge to put it out of sight grabbing at him. 

“That clock should be a shoddy piece of shit,” Rupert said. “Only if you look inside you see an actual working and reliable clock being built.” 

Thomas hated the piece of him that liked the compliment. 

“You were always precocious. Doing things in the workshop as a child that took me years to learn. I was never a natural, not like your grandfather and his father before him. I loved the work, but I was never good at it… I hated you for it.” 

“Just add it to the list then,” Thomas snapped 

“I need you at ZEB, Thomas. I will not let the company fall to pieces when I die. It is my legacy. It is a proud British tradition. ZEB watches are prestigious and sought after. That must remain.” 

“You blackballed me,” Thomas spat out. “You made it no one would even teach me the trade, let alone work in the field.” 

“You were better than me, I couldn’t have you making me look a fool,” Rupert spat out. 

“Fuck you,” Thomas snapped.

“He’ll think about it,” Jimmy said. 

“What?” Thomas glared at him.

Jimmy nodded his head and looked at Rupert. “You mean it, old man?”

“That the company needs him. Yes. I rather he… Follow Philip’s example, but I can no longer deny him his inheritance. I must step down, and I need a brain I can trust, and it must be someone who understands not only the business but the building of timepieces.” 

“Out,” Thomas said again and his voice gone small. His heart was pounding, and he felt clammy. “Out.”

“Thomas?”

“He’s thinking about it. We’ll get back to you.”

“We’ll,” Rupert said disgust evident.

“Yes, you homophobic ass… He’s not a coward like Philip. You want your precious company to carry on as always you’re gonna have to swallow the gay pill.” 

“Your generation has no self-respect…” Rupert muttered. “Thomas, I need an answer.” 

“Not getting it right now.” Thomas watched Jimmy grab his arm. Rupert pulled right out of the hold, but they both marched to the door. Jimmy opened it and ushered him out. 

“Soon…”

“Don’t call him, he’ll call you,” Jimmy said and closed the door. “What a fucking bastard.” 

Thomas laughed, but he couldn’t enjoy the truth of it. His mind was spinning, and he looked at the clock and felt sick again that the compliment mattered. The compliments mattered, and it was fucking irritating. He hated him. He was justified in hating him. The man didn’t care about him. The man only cared about the company. Thomas sighed as Jimmy’s arms wrapped around him from behind. He felt Jimmy’s forehead against the base of his neck and his hands were against his skin, thumbs stroking across his hips. He leaned into it and waited for breathing to feel easy again.

“He’s fucking horrible,” Jimmy said. 

“I know.”

“Never forgive his ass.”

“No danger of that.”

“Take back what’s yours, though. Take it back. Run it your way… Enjoy it.” 

Thomas sighed. 

“You’ve always wanted it.” 

“I don’t want him.”

“He’ll die soon. He said he needs to step down. He doesn’t like you, but he trusts you with it cause he knows you care about it.” 

Thomas blinked against tears. He shouldn’t cry over this, over him, he breathed in sharply. 

“Take it. All of it. Make it better than he did. You can, he just said so, he hated you because you were better than him. And you fucking should make him deal with it for his last days.” 

“My revenge.”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t,” Thomas turned around, and Jimmy immediately was wiping his tears. “I don’t know if I can…”

“Make deal where you barely see him.”

“He’s nothing to me,” Thomas sighed. “But it still hurts.”

“He’s not worth it.”

“The company is…” Thomas sighed. “I remember my grandfather, sort of…. He was the first one to take me to the workshop. I remember him showing me a picture of his grandfather working on a grandfather clock. I love grandfather clocks…” he smiled. “It’s vague. I don’t remember the story or his voice. I do remember him putting a silver pocket watch in my hand telling me he was going to show me how to fix it. I knew I knew I wanted to be like him.” 

“Obviously the better role model,” Jimmy said.

“Maybe, he died before he found out about me.”

“Doesn’t matter. The old man wants his legacy intact,” Jimmy said. “That legacy. You can make it better. You can make ZEB bigger than already is.” 

“I need…” Thomas laughed. “I should look at the business, check the paperwork.” 

Jimmy grinned up at him. “See.”

“I still don’t know… but…” 

“It’s yours, Thomas. It can give you what you want.” 

Thomas nodded and wiped at his eyes, Jimmy’s hands following him. He met Jimmy’s eyes and felt his mouth turning upward. “Let’s… can we just breathe together for awhile?”

“That’s all I’ve wanted to do all day.” Jimmy leaned up and kissed him.


	79. Chapter 79

Thomas doesn’t call Rupert. Nothing can be accomplished on a telephone call. He had countless conversations with Jimmy, himself and Sybil about it. It. It being his life. Or rather the life that had been taken away from him. It was the clocks and the watches. It was the horology. It was the workshop and the creation of it all — creating time. It was the fact there are watch designs in his brain. He couldn’t help himself from fiddling with thoughts and ideas whenever he got bored. It was just daydreaming, thinking about grandfather clocks and musical chimes. It wasn’t important it was just a bit of fantasy. Thomas told himself he was fine without it. Every day. He laughed as he stepped into the lobby of ZEB. It was funny how once you stopped denying something the depth of it became clear.

When his father kicked him out, Thomas remembered feeling relief more than anything. He was scared, he remembered that, but he wasn’t sad. Angry, confused and hurt. But it wasn’t sadness, and he never experienced sadness until he was kicked out the horology program. His whole life he knew he was going to make watches and clocks. He knew that from the moment he was first in the ZEB workshop with his grandfather. The whole room was full of clocks ticking and all the tools. He saw them as shiny toys and wanted to know how everything fits together and how everything worked. It was the first time he felt that satisfied feeling that came with feeling like you belonged. 

He never missed his father. He missed his calling. He denied it, though, he denied himself everything to do with it. His father slammed him out, and he tried to shut that piece of him out and down. He wasn’t going to go begging, and he wasn’t about to force his way in. Thomas never wanted to give Rupert Barrow the satisfaction of knowing he could hurt him. It meant walking away from it all and never looking back. He could take care of himself after all. But he was never able to fool anyone but himself. Everyone who truly cared about him figured out his love of clocks. Sybil, Edward, and Jimmy. Even his landlord knew he had way with them — because the first time he stepped in Elsie Hughes apartment his eyes fallen right to the clock. And he let slip almost everything as she allowed him to check it out — like a kid in a candy store. 

He shook his head at himself and walked to the receptionist desk. He expected a fight. He hadn’t called ahead. He was being quite presumptuous and rude, but he found he didn’t care. Couldn’t care. After all, Rupert been rude to him since the moment he was born. 

“Hello, welcome to ZEB, how can I help you?”

“Tell Mr. Barrow that Thomas is here to see him.” 

“I don’t see any appointment listed.” 

“I don’t have an appointment. Just tell him I’m here.” 

“Mr. Barrow is a very busy man, and I can’t let you in without an appointment.” 

“He’ll wish to see me.” 

“Look…”

“Tell him it’s Thomas Barrow.”

“Who?” she asked her eyes squinting as she looked him up and down. 

“His son,” Thomas said felt stuck at the back of his throat. It scratched against his skin. He wasn’t that man’s son in any way that mattered or counted. 

“He has a son?” she said. 

Thomas laughed. “Unfortunately.” 

She gave him an odd look and picked up the phone. Thomas looked around the lobby. Blown up black and white photographs of the insides of ZEB watches and their face designs covered white walls. It was clean and classy. Thomas found he liked it and his eye caught one picture that had a coming soon near it. He started to step closer, curiosity getting to him when the receptionist cleared her throat. He turned back toward her. 

“He’ll see you. Top floor.” 

“Thank you,” he said and walked toward the elevator. He wasn’t looking forward to this. He wished he could say yes to the man without having to see him. To not have to deal with him at all. But that wasn’t the case, and if he could, he would make it as uncomfortable for the old man as he felt himself. The ride up the elevator felt like it went too quickly and he took a steadying breath as he stepped out of it. The walls were warming, and there were three desks in front of what looked was probably his father’s office, two smaller ones, and a conference room. 

“Thomas Barrow?” A man asked him from the biggest desk. 

“Yes.” 

“He’s expecting you, you can go right in…” he said. Thomas noted he was being given quite the once over by the man and the two women manning the other desks. He was at all surprised. The wayward son returning was probably not something the people at the company would take in stride. He nodded and walked toward the doors. He took another deep breathe and then walked in, back straight and his chin high. 

“Thomas.” Rupert’s voice was stern, and he stayed where he was behind his desk. “I take you’ve seen sense and are saying yes?” 

He shook his head and scoffed, but found he didn’t have an argument against Rupert’s claim. He was seeing sense in a way because he was clear now on what he wanted. His life was happy now, it would remain so because of Jimmy, but it could be more satisfying. He wasn’t here for the reasons his father wanted. 

“I’m here because I want to make clocks.” 

Rupert gave him a hard look. “This company is more than that workshop.” 

Thomas rolled his eyes. “And I’m quite capable of running it. You’re little detective you showed you that, otherwise, you never would have come to me.”

“The legacy…”

“Blah blah…. But I agree. My great-grandfather and grandfather built this amazing company. I’ve done a bit of digging since we talked. You’ve kept the place afloat, but other newer companies are being more innovative. Things are starting to slide, and you know it. And everything you’ve tried to fix it has failed. That’s why I’m here — I’m your last shot.” 

“Well…” Rupert coughed. “I will not let this company fell under.” 

“Good cause here is my deal.”

“Your deal?”

“You aren’t calling the shots, Rupert. You’ve caught this time, at least you still have your brain, but you’re out of ideas. And I have ideas. And I have the talent. All I need are the resources. Which you will hand over to me, now.” 

“What?” 

“This is the deal.” Thomas pulled the paperwork he and his lawyer had put together and slammed onto the desk under Rupert’s nose. 

Rupert huffed but picked up a pair of reading glasses and started reading the contract. Thomas made himself comfortable in one of the arm chairs that sat in front of the desk. He looked around the office and thought it rather stark and cold. Despite its warm tones of gold. There were pictures of his great grandfather and grandfather on the walls. As well as one of Rupert behind the desk, in the workshop bent over the first watch he ever designed and made for the company. Thomas realized he recognized it but not the picture, not the moment it was taking. He was on the other side of the camera, standing at his grandfather’s knee as he took the picture. The voice was probably wrong in his mind but heard his grandfather clearly. 

_This is history Thomas, and someday it’ll be you._

“Retire immediately,” Rupert shouted. 

Thomas shrugged. 

“I will not.”

“Oh, you’re going to have too. You aren’t the only who can hire detectives.”

“You’ve spied on me, how…”

“Oh, shut up, Rupert. You spied on me first and here is the thing. Your heart is in bad condition isn’t it — they want to another surgery. They’ll quite worried you won’t last long with out. But then again you might not last long with it. You have people working here, working against you. You want to risk them getting a hold of things?”

“You impertinent little freak.” 

“You have no moral high ground let’s not pretend you do.”

“I want access to all accounts, everything in development. And I need time to look them all over. Say a couple of weeks? So that I can dot the I’s and cross the T’s. That will give you plenty of time to start the process on your retirement. Also, I want to see a copy of your new will that states I am the sole heir to your fortune. I won’t do anything without it.” 

Rupert glared at him and opened his mouth a few times. Thomas waited the man out. He knew Rupert wanted to tell Thomas to get out and leave. That he didn’t want him near the company, but they both knew Rupert wouldn’t. “If this wasn’t about the Barrow name…” 

Thomas smiled smugly. 

“I find the world doesn’t agree with me on your perverted inclinations being perverted. It’s been the only thing keeping me from coming to you but after having to pay out in another civil suit against an employee who claimed he was ill treated by me for being…” Rupert coughed. 

“What? How many civil suits have you agreed to settle?” 

“Enough, it’s the price of business… but my advisors have been quite clear. We need to be GBAL friendly.”

“LGBTQ,” Thomas corrected with an eye roll. “And yes, it would be quite wise to keep with the times, it being 2017 and not 1925 after all.” 

“I don’t want this,” Rupert hissed. “But the company must come first. And well, you’re its best chance. Horrible as it is.” 

Thomas nodded. “I want the paperwork on those civil suits too, and anything pending.” 

Rupert sighed and looked back at the contract again. “Contact only when it is necessary… Agree with that.”

“At least we agree on something.”

“This… I will have to show my lawyers.”

“I may add to it after seeing the books and looking the company over. I’m not leaving anything to chance. I want access to everything, and you will get me a copy of your will by the end of the week. .”

Rupert stared at him, and Thomas suppressed a cold shiver at the hard stare. “This is still my company.” 

“Of course it is…” he rolled his eyes. “You’ll get your due for all the hard years of work. Your son will simply be taking over the actual running of the company. Which brings me to my other point. I want to meet the people who think they’re in the line succession to have the spot you’re handing to me. And I want to meet the people who are developing our product.” 

Rupert made a noise.

“Now.” 

“You dare order me…”

“I’m the savior of the Barrow name. I know you can’t stand it, you thought I was an embarrassment because of who I am, but the world changed around you when you weren’t looking. And look we both know I belong in that work shop — your little confession of jealousy was illuminating. If you give this place over the people working under you now, it’ll fall to pieces. So, I want to meet who it is I will be firing and see who I might want to keep. All the paperwork and the introductions. NOW.” 

~~~

The workshop was the same. Maybe. He thought maybe the walls and the layout might have changed. There were more computers and other technologies around. But the manual tools were the same, the insides of real watches weren’t all that different now than they’d been years ago. ZEB wasn’t a company that made digital after all — and Thomas would keep it that way. His suspicions were that was one of the main reason he was here. It was the legacy after all. This was his legacy. Thomas picked up the schematics that was on a table, the drafting of a watch. He titled his head as he took in the information, pleased he remembered enough and understood enough to be able to picture the finished product in his head. 

It was good. But he could do it better. 

“Mr. Barrow.” 

He looked up and into the eyes of someone he thought he’d never see again. He blinked. “Miss Baxter?” 

“Oh, you do remember me. It’s Mrs. Molesley now, but call me Phyllis. You were my best student. But as you see I left teaching for here, just last year — the department needed the overhaul. It still needs quite a lot chances. I’m quite surprised but happy to see you. I didn’t know you and your father reconciled.” 

“We didn’t,” he said, and he couldn’t stop staring at her. She was his professor, his favorite professor. He remembered clearly how upset she was when she told him he could no longer take her class. She tried to stand up for him. He remembered that now. 

“I never wanted to kick you out.”

“I remember… I’m surprised to see you here.” 

“Pay is better, and I get to create which is what I always wanted. I think that’s what you wanted to do do I remember correctly?” 

She surprised him again, but he nodded to confirm her memory. He looked around the workshop again and almost felt like a young teenager again. He was sixteen the last time he stepped for in here. He met Phyllis a few years later. Missing the workshop but finding her classroom a close second. The classroom he was kicked out of, and now, now he was nothing but a good tinkerer. 

“Will you?” he laughed feeling nervous. He always planned to ask the horologist in the lab for help. But saying it was harder than he anticipated. Maybe it was because it was Phyllis. He felt like he let her down but that was ridiculous. He took a deep breath. “I’m going need teaching….” He trailed off and looked around the workshop, taking it all in. “I belong in here.” 

“Oh,” she nodded. “Of course, we can take all the time you want, but I think it’ll be a quick thing. You were always a natural.” 

“I hope so…” he felt suddenly overwhelmed. Memories were starting to slam into him. The small amount of good memories he had of Rupert Barrow all took place in this room — and some of his worst memories of his father. Now that he knew of his father’s jealousy it all made more sense now. The real reason the man had thrown his weight around to keep Thomas away… 

And now it was exactly why he was he was allowing Thomas back.

“Thomas?” Phyllis' voice broke him out of his reverie. 

He looked up at her and shook his head. “I’m fine.” 

“I don’t think you are. I’ll get you up to snuff… I mean you’re going to be my boss, I have to.” 

“No,” Thomas laughed. “I’m relieved it’s you, I am. I’ll consider it a favor.” 

“You said the two of you haven’t reconciled, yet you’re taking over?”

“Yes, I’m taking over.” At that moment the small voice in his head that kept whispering he could throw everything back in the old man’s face fell quiet. All along the thought been there to end him the way the old man tried to end him. Make his last days miserable knowing the company would cease to be ZEB after his death. But no, Thomas couldn’t do it, he couldn’t turn away. 

Thomas looked around the workshop again, saw people creating and designing. This was what he wanted. This was where he belonged. The price wasn’t too big. He would prefer to never see Rupert, but he would only see him when necessary. He could have this, he thought, he could have this… 

It was overwhelming. It was hitting him now that this was real. He was in the workshop. And memories that were flying through his mind, things he'd never forgotten but thought he had — his grandfather mostly but Rupert too, both of them telling him the history of the business, the vision of his great grandfather. He remembered it. 

“We haven’t. But we agree on one thing. This place. ZEB.”

“I’m sorry that things are still hard between you… but I feel better knowing you’ll be taking over I won’t lie.” 

He blinked surprised by her confidence in him. He looked around again and realized he was a bit dazed. 

“Thomas?”

Jimmy. He looked around the workshop and wished he brought Jimmy with him. But he was at the studio, exactly where he should be. Thomas smiled a bit realizing he was standing where he should be as well. They both found their places. Separate and together. They were unstoppable now, Thomas thought, and he grinned. 

“Sorry,” he said and cocked his head at the room. “I feel at home when I’m in here. Just wishing someone was here with me.” 

“Well this place isn’t going anywhere, you can bring them next time.” 

“A few things to do first but yeah… all mine.” He liked the sound of that. 

“I better get back to work.”

“Yes, you should,” he laughed. 

“See you soon, Thomas.” 

He nodded and watched her walk away feeling lucky she was the staff. He knew he should leave. Head home, he had things to work over, phone calls to make and the final contract with Rupert to work out. But he took his time walking back to the door out of the room. He took it all in and realized he was already in a hurry to get back to it, despite not having left yet. Because it always belonged to him. This was his real dream. Thomas needed to tell Jimmy.


	80. Chapter 80

Ivy’s parent's house was first. On the corner of the small dead end street, off white now with peeling paint. Cheery plants in window boxes and on the small porch. It was always Jimmy’s favorite house in the neighborhood. Mrs. Stuart was always backing, a lot like Ivy herself. He inhaled a bit as they passed as the memory of chocolate chip cookies after school filled his mind. 

“What are you doing?” Thomas asked.

Jimmy shook his head because it was stupid really, all he could smell was car exhaust and rain. “Cookies…” he said and pointed to the white house as if that would explain anything. 

Thomas gave him a blank look.

“Ivy’s parent's house.”

Thomas nodded at that and Jimmy felt a deep satisfaction that was all the explanation he needed. They continued to walk down the street and with every step Jimmy felt more and more anxious. Thomas snickered next to him, and he looked at him. Thomas pointed to a blue house that had a sign that was some bible quote. Jimmy sighed deeply. 

“Alfred’s parents?”

“They rotate those damn quotes…” 

“Alfred had no chance…” but he sounded bitter. 

“Yeah…” Jimmy matched his tone, but then he inhaled sharply and stopped short a few steps later. “This was a bad idea.” 

Thomas grabbed his hand, and his eyes slid closed as their fingers threaded together. “You don’t have to do this.”

He opened his eyes and stared at this house. It was the smallest one on the block. The yard was overgrown. His mother’s gardens lost to weeds, and there were dead flowers in the window boxes. He sighed looking at them his heart aching. His mother loved her plants. She loved his father — Jimmy was never sure why maybe he was just her biggest flaw? “I have too…” he said. 

“Well, then get it over with?” Thomas suggested.

He nodded and stepped forward, tightening his grip on Thomas’ hand. He walked through the grass and up the creaking steps of the front porch. He tried the door and wasn’t at all surprised it was unlocked. He walked in, and his hand flew to his nose. Thomas made a sound of disgust and Jimmy shook his head. The living room was a mess of pizza boxes and other take out boxes. Garbage everywhere and all he could think was his mother’s perfect house was ruined. 

“Pop?” he called out because the car was in the yard — not the driveway. Driving drunk, Jimmy thought and wished that he could be shocked. He stepped further into the house and sighed when he saw the kitchen was worse than the living room. And his father was passed out at the table, face against a paper plate and snoring. “Ugh…” 

“At least he’s alive,” Thomas muttered.

Jimmy rolled his eyes. “He won’t die…” he reached out and grabbed some papers by his father’s hand. “Yep, betting on the races and probably anything else he can.” 

“Old habit.”

“Addiction. He’s gotten help, but he always ended up back at it. Mom tried…” Jimmy sighed. “He was never home.” 

“I take it your mother took care of the bills?” Thomas asked. 

Jimmy turned, and Thomas flashed him a handful of bills. He turned and opened the refrigerator and wished he hadn’t. It was full of spoiled food because the power was out. “How is he living like this?”

“I say barely.” 

Jimmy stared at his father. He looked up to the ceiling and asked his mother for strength. Then he kicked his father’s foot. “Pop? Pop?” 

He shot awake and then grabbed his head. “Don’t be so loud,” he shouted. 

“Pop?”

Jimmy watched his father look at him blearily his eyes obviously out of focus, but after a beat, his face turned from bewildered to sour. “What’re you doing here?”

“Checking on you,” Jimmy sighed and wondered again why but looking around he found himself somewhat relieved he decided to because the way things were going the next time he saw his father he’d been a slab. 

“Don’t need checking in, especially from you. You turned fruit, what would your mother say?”

“That was was happy for me,” Jimmy said because he had no doubt. 

“Woman was always too soft…” 

“Tell me about,” he muttered and looked at Thomas.

“Pop you still working at that gas station?” he asked. 

“No, quit that… what time is it?” 

“It’s five,” Thomas said without even looking at his watch. 

“Gotta get to the bar, have money riding on the game…” 

“Pop, do you even have money?” Jimmy asked.

“None of your business,” the man snapped and grabbed a bottle of what looked like whiskey and drank down a gulp. “I don’t need you looking at me like that.” 

“Like what?”

“Too much like your mother…” the man mumbled and walked to the sink. He turned on the tap but nothing happened, and he frowned. “Must be broken…”

“You aren’t paying the bills.” 

“What do you care, kid?” the man asked him.

There was only one answer to it. “Mom.” 

“Well, then maybe you shouldn’t have moved out and turned fairy…. Whose the toff.” 

“My boyfriend,” Jimmy said somewhat amused by Thomas being called a toff. He did look the part in the black Italian expensive suit and the platinum ZEB watch he was wearing. 

His father really looked at Thomas, eyes going up and down him. He made a noise and then looked at Jimmy. “He rich?”

Jimmy rolled his eyes. 

“Yes,” Thomas said. 

“One out of two ain’t bad… give me some money, I need to cover a few debts?” 

“Pop!” Jimmy's mouth fell open, and he couldn’t believe the gall but then his father never had much pride. He borrowed money from anyone stupid enough to give it to him. Was always getting fired, was always drinking it or gambling it away. His whole life. His mother kept the roof over their heads, kept them in four walls. His mother loved his father for some reason, and he had a few memories when he was little of his father giving him piggy back rides and teaching him to throw a ball. But that was it, that’s where it ended… 

His father was broken. 

“We can arrange that,” Thomas said. 

“What?” Jimmy looked at him.

Thomas was pulling money out of his wallet and handed his father about hundred pounds. His father ripped it from Thomas’ fingers and started counting it. “Suppose you could've done worse, Jimmy boy.” 

Jimmy was staring at Thomas, who cocked his head and walked out of the kitchen. He followed him and sighed as he looked at the disarray of the house. Spotting things of his mother's he was itching to rescue. “This place is a mess.” 

“We’ll clean it up.”

“We will?”

“We’ll hire someone.”

“Oh…” Jimmy looked around. “I can’t take your money…”

Thomas started laughed. 

“What?”

“Your money will be covering it. You’re going to rich on your own, you know.” 

_Rundown_. They finished recording it, it was perfect, guitar riffs and perfectly timed drum beats. It was album ready, his first song and it would be his first single. And from what the suits been saying to him earlier in the day it was going to be hitting the radio sooner than he could imagine. He felt a giddy rush about it and grinned at Thomas. 

Thomas met his smile and stepped closer to him, his hand going to the base of Jimmy’s neck that perfect comforting pressure point. “We’ll keep him alive.” 

Jimmy nodded and swallowed. “I barely know him. She loved him…” 

“Must’ve been something good there once.”

He nodded and moved, so his head was on Thomas’ shoulder. “I need this house cleaned up, the gardens fixed. I… I need to get her things out of here before he sells them — if he hasn’t already.” 

“It’s done. I’ll make some calls, clean up help and we’ll take the bills and make arrangement for you pay them.” 

Jimmy breathed out and wondered again how he survived at all before he met Thomas. He was just living, day to day, barely aware he thought — and drunk. He looked around the trashed house and thought about his father blearily hung over and drinking out of a whiskey bottle. He shivered at the thought it could be him. He could be like this. His arms flew up and gripped at Thomas’ shoulders. He looked up and met a worried gaze. “You saved me.” 

Thomas expression shifted into something shy and vulnerable, his gray eyes soft and he shook his head. “Jimmy…” he shook his head.

“No, you… I could be here right now as drunk as him and lost.” 

“But you’re not, and that’s wasn’t me, you saved yourself.”

“Because I found you.” 

Thomas’ shy smile grew even softer. “And without you, I would still be with Philip and working a job I hate.” 

“Damn right I saved you from that dick,” Jimmy laughed.

“I didn’t know…” Thomas whispered and his hand came up to palm Jimmy’s cheek. “You appeared out of nowhere, so bright and unexpected.” 

Jimmy leaned into the touch and nodded. Unable to take his eyes off of Thomas’ face. He reached out and stroked his cheek took, loving the feel of the artful stubble that was all for him. “I’m writing a song about you,” he whispered. 

“Are you?” Thomas’ cheeks went pink. 

“Yeah… It’s gonna be soft and sappy. Ivy says it's giving her cavities.” 

“Ivy says…”

“Yeah, it’s romantic slop if she says that.” 

“Probably be a big hit then.”

“Yeah…” Jimmy leaned up and brushed his lips against Thomas’. 

“Jimmy, boy?” his father voice startled him, and he laughed as he pulled away from Thomas because how did he forget where they were. 

“Yeah,” Jimmy said. 

“Take me the bar? Car’s dead. I have money on that game.” 

“Yeah fine, Pop… look we’re going to be making some arrangements and sending people over here to help us clean up the house.”

“Clean up the house, what’s wrong with it?” 

“I’ll be taking over the bills and such.”

“What do you know about money?”

“Nothing but he does…” Jimmy looked at Thomas.

“You got yourself a sugar daddy… Did ya… Guess it could be worse. At least he looks like a man.” 

Jimmy felt torn between amusement and horror, he met Thomas' eyes and saw the same battle was happening in Thomas’ mind. “Yeah, well, we’re going to help you out, okay, Pop’s?”

“Why?” the old man said and stared at Jimmy. Like he was seeing Jimmy for the first time since they'd gotten there. He stared at him and then looked away. “Always looked too much like your mother.”

“Yeah, well she’s why.”

“Never deserved her.” 

“No, you didn’t,” Jimmy said. 

“But you’ll put up this, this mess I am?” his father stared at him. “I know what I am…” 

Jimmy nodded memories of how he was before he met Thomas flooding his mind. “I know… I get it, maybe. A bit. Just… I have money, Pop, I can take care of things.” 

His father looked between him and Thomas. “His mother raised him right…” he shook his head and looked around. “Been disgracing her memory. I’m Harry Kent. You have a name?”

“Thomas Barrow.” 

“Well then… yeah. Guess, I can let you boys take care of the house and such… I gotta get to the bar,” he repeated, and the whiskey bottle rose to his mouth. 

Jimmy sighed, and Thomas grabbed his hand and spoke. “We’ll take you, Harry.” 

The three of them left the house. Jimmy’s fell on the bookcase by the front window, books gathering dust, his mother’s prized possessions and felt fingers and mind itch. He should read them, keep them, know them. He sighed as he stepped outside with Thomas. He plunged his hand into his pocket to find his house key, still on his key ring. He locked the door and made sure his father had the keys to get back in. Told himself not to worry about how he’d find his way back — he knew he would. He always did. Eventually.


	81. Chapter 81

He’s in the grocery store when he hears it. It’s a slow realization because it’s in his head and has been for days. Weeks of working on it in the studio, recording and re-recording to get all the mixes right. _Rundown_ is firmly in his head, and he can’t stop humming it. He can’t stop loving it. He made it. It was all his because it was his pain and his triumph all at once. It was the end of one Jimmy Kent and the beginning of the stronger version himself. 

So it took him a moment to realize he wasn’t hearing it in his head. It was in the air. It was playing in the small corner grocery store by the flat. He stopped mid squeeze on a cantaloupe. Part of him not believing it. The studio suits told him it would be hitting the airwaves soon, but that was less than a week ago. He assumed it would take more time for it happen, but he couldn’t deny it. 

His song was playing in the grocery store. He whirled around and tried to figure out where the speakers were. What station did they have playing? His song was on the radio. He dropped the cantaloupe and grabbed his basket. He rushed toward the front and the registers. There were a few people in the line, but he was on his toes trying to look behind the main counter. 

“Hey, hey…” he called to the girl working the register of the front line.

“Wait your turn.”

“What radio station is that?”

“What?”

“The radio station?”

“I don’t know, stupid manager puts it on this dumb station…” she stopped ringing up the customer and looked at the radio. “Oh, wow, wow. This is Rundown. It’s Jimmy Kent!” 

“I know,” he shouted, he was excited. “I just…” 

But she turned back toward him, and her eyes went wide. “Wait, YOU’RE JIMMY KENT.” 

“Who is Jimmy Kent?” the woman she was ringing up asked, sounding put out. “Look, finish me ringing me up please.” 

The girl looked from Jimmy to the woman and back again. Jimmy waved at the woman, and the girl sighed and started ringing up her food again. “I think it’s 133.7.” 

Jimmy grinned at her and started emptying his basket. He looked at it a bit and felt like he was forgetting things, but he was on the radio. He had to get to ZEB. Thomas needed to know. He needed to hear it. His phone went off, and he saw Ivy’s number on the screen. He answered it but kept it away from his ear. 

“OHHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYY GODDDDDDD.” Her squeal peeled out of his phone and had everyone around him staring in his direction. He grinned at all of them. “I’m on the radio…” he said, and it felt surreal. 

“Are you listening?”

“It’s about over.” 

“It just started.”

“What station,” he asked her, and the girl at the register turned and grabbed the radio from where it was kept, ripping it from its grocery wide speakers it was attached to, but it kept playing. Ivy rattled off a station and Jimmy turned the dial, and there it was. The first verse still playing and he stared at the radio with big eyes. His voice was coming out of the radio. The radio. 

“JIMMY?” he heard Ivy shout from the phone. 

He listened more to him, to her, they were. “We’re on the radio, Ivy.” 

“I know. I… wow. Oh, Daisy just texted, it’s playing on another station too, in her car.” 

“I… I gotta go to ZEB,” he muttered and pushed the groceries toward the girl at the register. His fan at the register. He smiled at her, and she was quite red, but she beamed back. She pulled the radio back toward her. 

“Boss is going to kill me for unplugging it from the grocery wide speakers.”

“I’ll plug it back in for you,” he said. 

“Oh. Thanks.” She started ringing up his order. 

He hopped over the counter, still amazed to hear himself playing out of the speakers. His heart was pounding, and he quickly plugged the radio back into the speakers. He wanted the whole store to hear him. Jimmy shook his head. It felt crazy and unreal. “Ivy?”

“Still here.”

“This is real?”

“Yes,” she squealed. 

“I…”

“You did it. Knew you would.” 

“Yeah…” he grinned. “I gotta get to Thomas.” 

“I know. I have a million people to call.” 

Jimmy laughed. “Come by tonight, ok, we’ll celebrate.”

“You got it,” Ivy said and then she was gone. Only his phone was ringing again. It was Daisy. “Hey, Daisy, what’s up?” his attempt at playing it cool was ridiculous.

“Oh, you know. It sounds amazing. I love what you did with the drums at the mid point. It’s brilliant.” 

“I know,” Jimmy laughed. “I can’t…”

“Unbelievable?”

“Completely…look I gotta go, I gotta go… Thomas.” 

“Of course.”

“Come by tonight.”

“I’ll bring, Andy.” 

He hung up and met the wide eyes of the girl at the register. Though he was at the register too. He hopped back over the counter and grinned at her. “Thanks for, with the radio and all that.” 

“Really never heard it on the radio before?”

“Never heard me on the radio before,” he grinned. “It’s quite strange, not sure I’ve ever heard myself sound like that…” he shook his head. “How much do I?”

She pointed to the register. “Could, uh, get an autograph?”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” he grinned and took the piece of paper and pen she offered him. “What’s your name?”

“Adela.” 

He nodded and quickly scribbled: _Adela it was an honor to hear my song for the first time with you. Jimmy Kent._ He handed to her with a wink and paid for the order. “Keep the change,” he called out as he was rushing out. He ran to the car and threw the bags in the backseat. He turned on the radio, pulled out onto the street and drove as fast as traffic would allow toward ZEB. 

The problem was traffic wasn’t working with him. And his phone kept going off, and he kept looking at it. But it was never Thomas. Not that expected Thomas to be listening to a radio. He preferred silence when he was working on clocks, and it was Thursday which meant that he was in the lab with Phyllis learning and creating. Jimmy grinned picturing him with is tongue poking out, and his expression stuck in a half smile. When he told Thomas about the song, he would be flashed the dimples. Deep and happy, Thomas full on smile, the one that was only for him. 

His phone buzzed again, and he glanced at it. It was Sybil’s number and grabbed at it, okay for the moment he was stuck at a light. “Hey ya,” he said. 

“It’s playing on the radio. You’re on the radio.”

“I know.”

“Oh my god, I know someone who is on the radio. It’s amazing, Jimmy, it’s better than I remember it being. It’s amazing, Jimmy, wow.”

“Thanks,” he grinned and pressed on the gas as the light changed. “I’m trying to get to ZEB. Can you get come tonight? We should celebrate, I mean it won’t be right without you there.” 

“Um… actually both Tom and I were planning to stop over tonight anyway. I need to tell you and Thomas something.”

“Everything okay,” Jimmy asked because she sounded too serious all of sudden.

“Nothing to worry about… I’m so happy for you. I’m going to squeeze you so hard when I see you.” 

“Okay, I’m warned,” Jimmy laughed. 

“Love, okay, gotta go…. He’ll be so thrilled,” she hung up.

Jimmy growled at the traffic slowing him down again but suddenly his car was full of the opening chords of the song, and he stared at the radio. It was so strange to hear it. The finished product of a song he started one day while hung over after making out with some guy he couldn’t remember. Who he didn’t want to remember at the time. It was honesty and lies because that’s how it started out. But it’d turned into transformation. He listened to it, sang along with himself and it was a strange hum to it. He congratulated himself for every perfect drum beat that sounded like a clock counting down. He grinned proud of pleased for Ivy as her sweet voice harmonized with hers perfectly. He sighed as the last chords started and the last lines filled the car… 

_Rundown_  
Rundown  
I’m rising up now  
Rising up  
Rising up. 

He was at ZEB. 

~~~

Thomas frowned as Phyllis showed him how to use the computer program. It was useful, it saved time but he was craving tools and markers. He made a face and looked at the workbench that was by the desk they were bent over. 

“Oh, you’re going to go old school on all of us all the time aren’t you?” Phyllis laughed

He glanced at her, and the looked pointedly at the workbench where a delicate looking woman’s watch lay about a quarter built. Phyllis blushed a bit and laughed. “Well, I do both.” 

“Uh huh,” he smiled. 

“And before you showed up that watch was just for me.”

“Why we’ve never made women’s watches is ridiculous. Time to get into the modern world in that way at least.”

“Yes…” Phyllis said, but she was cut off by a door banging open. 

Thomas looked up ready to scold someone he saw it was Jimmy rushing toward him. He looked wild, his cheeks were pink, and his hair was all over the place. He was grinning like a loon. Thomas stood up, but that was he could do because otherwise he was transfixed. Jimmy was beautiful and bright, and it was like seeing him for the first time all over again. 

“Jimmy?” he breathed when Jimmy stumbled into him. His hands grabbed Thomas’ arms. They staggered together but kept the other one on their feet. Jimmy grinned wider and wider. “Jimmy?” he asked again.

“It’s playing. It’s on the radio.” 

Thomas blinked. “It’s.”

“Rundown, it’s playing on the radio.” 

His face felt split in have, but he was thrilled. He was more than that he was amazed and happy. And Jimmy was beaming and excited, and that made Thomas feel like he was floating. It was all he ever wanted. Jimmy’s dreams coming true and his own. He looked around the workshop and laughed when he saw Phyllis sneaking out the door. 

“It’s on the radio.”

“Where it’s supposed to be,” Thomas whispered as his eyes fell on Jimmy’s perfect face again. “You did it.”

“I did it.” 

“You’re a rock star.”

“I’m a fucking rock star,” Jimmy touched Thomas’ face. “There they are.”

“What?”

“Dimples,” Jimmy leaned forward and kissed him. 

Thomas laughed but it was swallowed by the kiss, and he wrapped his arms around Jimmy, pulling him in closer, opening his mouth wide for him. They kissed deeply. Stumbling into a workbench, Jimmy pushing in until Thomas was laying on it underneath him. 

He laughed nearly breathless as they broke apart and he as looking up at Jimmy who was leaning over him and laughing himself. “I’m on the radio,” he whispered and pressed kissed to Thomas’ throat. “I did it… We did it. You did it…I…you…” he trailed off and kissed Thomas again and again. 

Thomas leaned up and kissed him back, hands stroking down Jimmy's spine underneath his shirt, his heart pounding. Pride and love and lust in every touch. But he sighed and pushed at Jimmy’s chest until they were both sitting on the workbench. Still touching, still kissing but softer and slower. 

“I want you.”

“Not here,” Thomas laughed. “We’re still open. People will be walking back in here any minute. Phyllis and were working through a break.”

“You work too hard,” Jimmy muttered. 

“I love it,” Thomas said. “Not as much as I love you, though…” he kissed him. 

“I’m on the radio.”

“I knew you would be, the first time I heard you sing. You were drunk and drugged and off your head. But your voice…”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah,” Thomas batted at Jimmy’s hands. “You were all hands then too.”

“I know what I want… always do when it comes to you.”

“Yeah, why we take so long then.”

“Sybil would say it’s cause we’re idiots.”

“I agree,” Thomas laughed. 

“Come home with me… I invited everyone over. We don’t have much time… Please?”

Thomas nodded. “Just this once.”

“Sure… just this once,” Jimmy grinned at him.


	82. Chapter 82

Jimmy’s lost his ability to breathe as he slid into Thomas. He dropped a kiss on the corner of Thomas’ mouth and tried to remember how. Their eyes locked, Thomas' hand was on the base of his neck, always, strong his cool palm against Jimmy’s hotter skin. He looked like he wasn’t breathing either and Jimmy smiled and kissed him again. 

“Jimmy…”

“Thomas,” he whispered it and kissed, a tease of his lips. 

He rolled his hips in answer a smug smirk appearing, and he stroked his palm down Jimmy's spine, to the swell of his ass. “Move.” 

There was no choice, really, there never was Jimmy thought. “You want me to move?” he laughed.

Thomas leaned up and licked at his throat. “Fuck me.” 

“Yeah…” his voice went soft, but his body went taut as he moved, thrusting out and in. Creating a rhythm, with Thomas because he knew it too. They moved together, and Jimmy felt like they had a beat all of their own. And he knew Thomas would call it a tick… 

Tock and thrust in. 

Tick and thrust out. 

The rush of breath an added instrument. Jimmy kept his eyes wide open, and Thomas did as well. They fucked. Touched. Kissed. Jimmy kept it up, fast and hard, his heartbeat sounded like drums and the slap of their skin. He breathed out and started to hum. Rundown’s melody, blending in, and he started laughing as he remembered why they hurried home, why they stumbled into the flat kissing and pulling at clothes. Why they were wrapped up and fucking on the bed. Because they never needed a reason to do this but they were celebrating. 

Jimmy laughed and one his hands cupped Thomas’ face, and he stared down at him, eyes wide and felt the same awe he felt in the grocery store when he heard the song. “We’re on the radio.”

Thomas chuckled and leaned up, mouth against his throat. “You’re on the radio.”

“No, we are…” Jimmy shook his head. “Rundown, it’d be still an unfinished half song without you.” He lost his breath again, stuttering as he felt it all again. He felt Thomas’ hand against his neck. 

“It’s your soul,” he whispered.

“Which belongs to you,” Jimmy whispered and felt lit on fire from the revelation. 

“Oh…” Thomas laughed surprised and blushed himself, shy dimpled smile and shaking his head. 

“Yes…” Jimmy found his breath again found the rhythm again and picked it up and pulled Thomas with him. Thomas sighed and grabbed him, and they breathed, hard, rough, they laughed, and they came looking right each other. 

~~~

Thomas snorted when he heard the door to the flat open. Curls of Jimmy’s hair went into his nose, and he ended up laughing. Jimmy snorted too, and his breath hit Thomas’ neck because Jimmy’s face was tucked under his chin. “It’s just Sybil,” Jimmy said. 

“Exactly,” Thomas sighed and started to push up.

“No,” Jimmy used his strength to keep Thomas under him and rose up on his hands, on either side of Thomas’ shoulders, trapping him. “We can stay until she yells at us.” 

“That’ll be in two seconds,” Thomas said.

“It’s a special occasion, she’ll give us more time,” Jimmy stroked Thomas’ cheek and grinned.

Thomas sighed and reached up, carding his hand through his hair, watching the dark blonde of it curl against his fingers as he did. He sighed at the softness and the hint of gold. That matched everything that Jimmy was… This golden, bright man that gave him everything. He always wanted these moments to last forever, and they felt like they sometimes did. And it felt like they lasted only seconds and went too fast. He would collect them until they equaled forever he thought and let out a sigh, and a triumphant smirk as Sybil’s voice carried through the door. 

“Okay, love birds, get out here. There is no food in the fridge, and we have company incoming.” 

“I told you…” he said. 

Jimmy sighed. “I don’t think I bought have the shopping list and it’s all in my car.” 

“Didn’t we take my car back here?” 

Jimmy laughed. 

Thomas laughed and pushed until Jimmy let him off the bed. “That’s your mess to go fix.” 

“We can order in, we have beer and wine and stuff…” jimmy sighed and rolled onto his back on the bed. He stared at Thomas his eyes taking in all of him. Thomas blushed from his ears down at the stare. At the love and lust of it all and he wondered how he got this lucky. 

“Get out of bed,” he said even as he stepped back toward it, leaned down and kissed him. 

“I’m a rock star. I don’t have too…”

“She’ll walk in here.” 

Jimmy sighed and hopped off the bed. “Fine, but I’m not putting my underwear back on…” he hopped into his jeans. 

Thomas sighed, knowing he was doomed to think about it for the rest of the night. He grabbed his clothes, Jimmy hopped forward and grabbed his boxers. “No.”

“Dare you…”

“Jimmy, no…” Thomas grabbed his boxers. “I can barely think straight knowing you don’t.” 

Jimmy laughed and winked at him. “Good…” he went to the bureau and grabbed one of his tighter t-shirts and pulled it on. 

“Jimmy! I thought you were going shopping…” Sybil opened the door. “Oh, good you both have clothes on.”

“Barely,” Thomas snapped as he buttoned up his pants. 

“I did go shopping, but I got distracted, besides we left it in my car.”

“Which we left at the company.”

Sybil rolled her eyes. “Honestly… fine, we’ll order in, I sent Tom to get champagne.” 

“Tom?” Thomas made a face. “Did you tell him what to buy?”

“He worked for you, he should know by now…” she turned around. 

“Great now it’s my fault if he buys crap…” Thomas muttered but Jimmy wrapped his arms around him from behind him, and Thomas closed his eyes at the feel of him. 

“It’ll be fine, good or bad, doesn’t matter. I’m on the radio.” 

“You are.”

“Wow…” 

“Ivy, Daisy and some tall guy are here,” Sybil yelled. 

“Tall guy?” Thomas looked confused.

“Andy, I think,” Jimmy said. He kissed Thomas on the cheek and walked out of the room. Thomas watched him walk down the hall, grinning before he turned around and decided to throw on the blue t-shirt Jimmy been wearing earlier. Jimmy always got distracted when Thomas wore his clothes. 

He made his way out down the hall and was suddenly slammed into by Ivy, a red braid flying up and hitting him in the face. “Ivy.”

“He’s on the radio!” she shouted. “It’s amazing.”

“It’s you too,” he pointed out and tried to escape her hug. But she wasn’t done yet. She grinned up at him. “I know.” She beamed and then she leaned up on her toes and kissed his cheek. “It’s amazing!” Then she finally let him go and rushed back to Jimmy. Who grabbed her back and twirled her around and Thomas couldn’t help grinning at them.

“Congratulations,” Sybil said, and he turned to see her standing right next to him. 

“For what?”

“Oh, this is yours just as much as his.” She nudged him.

“No, no it’s not. He did it, Sybil. I just helped.” 

“Fine… You two are a team. A good one too. No way you’d be working at your family’s business without him.” 

“No. I would have denied myself all of it,” Thomas nodded. “But he wouldn’t let me just shut it out, made me think about it. The money. The workshop.” 

“Don’t act the money was the number one priority. You two aren’t as cynical as you pretend to be.” 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Thomas laughed, but he knew he was staring at Jimmy, talking with his friends, and that he probably looked as besotted as he felt. 

“I think I might miss this…” Sybil laughed. 

“Miss what?” he pulled his eyes off Jimmy and looked at her. “Sybil?”

“I’m going to move in with Tom. I’ll tell him quietly too. I don’t want to take the spotlight. I just… I was going to break it to you today. This makes it easier.”

Thomas shook his head and looked around the flat. His and Sybil’s flat. “No.”

“I know you don’t like change. But this is good.”

“You can do better,” he said.

“You’d think that no matter who I was with… and you like Tom, really, more than you admit anyway?”

Thomas sighed. “He’s…. Good for you.” 

Sybil beamed. “No better compliment from you. You’re worse than my father even…” 

“I doubt that.”

“Let me think that…” she laughed. 

“What do the Crawley’s think?”

“They don’t yet, not even Mary. She’s too busy with that Matthew guy to notice anything.”

“She finally meet her match?”

“I think so…. So, you’ll be okay?”

Thomas sighed and looked at her. Sybil. His Sybil. There with him through the worst of his life. His only friend for so much of his life. He grabbed her hand and shook his head. “No.”

“Good,” she said, and her voice cracked. She grabbed at him then, hugging him tightly in that way she had. He let her and wrapped his arms around her too. Maybe if he held her tight enough, she wouldn’t go off to live with Branson. But he knew that was a foolish wish. 

“Hey…” Jimmy’s voice was in his ear. He opened his eyes and saw worry etched on Jimmy’s face as he looked at two of them. 

Sybil started laughing. “What a fool I was to think he wouldn’t sense your distress.” 

“Why is he distressed?” Jimmy asked. 

“She’s leaving,” Thomas said and he tried to make it casual.

“What?” jimmy grabbed his hand, but he was staring at Sybil. “You’re what?”

“Moving in with Tom.”

“You know, you can do better?” Jimmy said. 

She laughed and pointed at them. “Too perfect for each other. I’m gonna miss screaming at you two to kiss.” 

Jimmy laughed, but he shook his head. “But…” 

“It’s good. It’s practically just the two of you anyway. I’m just in the way when I’m home.”

“Never,” Thomas argued, and he meant. “Never.” 

“I know. I’ll visit, and you’ll visit us.”

Thomas scrunched up his nose at the thought of visiting Branson. Sybil hit him in the arm. “You will.”

He nodded.

“Fine. If you insist.” He let go of Thomas’ hand and leaned forward and hugged her. “But when you wise up that Branson is out of your league you’re welcome back.” 

Thomas nodded. 

“Okay, okay…” she smiled. “We should all get back into the party.”

“Actually…” Jimmy grabbed her and looked at him. “Just give us a few?” 

Thomas looked between them and nodded. “I’ll get us all wine.” 

Sybil grinned and kissed his cheek. “Be happy for me?”

“I am,” he smiled because he was but it didn’t mean he had to like it. 

“We won’t be long…” Jimmy promised, and Thomas watched him drag her away. 

~~~

Sybil followed Jimmy into his and Thomas’ bedroom. It was odd to her how quickly she accepted it, and she laughed as a memory shot to mind. Jimmy looked up at her, from where he was on the floor pulling a box out from under the bed. 

“About two weeks before you moved in I told Thomas I didn’t want a third roommate. Guess it was only Philip.” 

“No one in their right mind would want to live with him.”

“True… Is that?” Sybil looked at the box that Jimmy was rummaging through. It was full of journals and scraps of paper. 

“Edward’s. Yes,” he said, and he picked up a red journal with an ornate lion embossed on its leather cover. 

“What?”

“He left that poem, remember?”

“Oh.” 

“It… Well, it took me a bit to figure out that each journal kind of has it own’s subject. I say kind of because subjects are kind of subjective. The only one with a clear subject is the blue one. That’s simply Thomas.” 

She laughed. 

“This one. This one is things he loved… Truly loved. There is some Thomas in here too. And random things I would never have thought of but reading the poems, I kind get why he loved them… But anyway, I found it. The poem that’s for you.” 

“Oh.” Sybil felt weird, and she turned to sit down on the bed. “I don’t know.” 

“Okay, how about I tear it out.”

“What? No. But his journal.”

“Sybil. He wanted you to have it. It. I could copy it, but I thought you’d want his handwriting?”

“Oh.” She laughed because she kept saying it. “I… okay.” 

“Rip it out?”

She nodded and watched him. He was slow and careful. His lips pressed into a line. They were both quiet, and she could hear the paper ripping as it happened. It sounded loud in the room, and she realized she was holding her breath.

“Luck has it there is nothing on the other side,” Jimmy grinned as the page came free. 

Sybil felt like her heart was in her throat. She stared at the paper in his hands, and she saw the whirls that she recognized as Edward’s handwriting. “He had really beautiful handwriting.”

“Yeah, I’m lucky if I can read mine,” Jimmy nodded. 

“Does…does Thomas know you found it?”

“I told him.” 

“Did you?”

“He’s not ready yet. Don’t know he’ll ever be.”

“I get that…” she laughed. “Is it nice?”

“Better than nice. If I ever want you a song about you, it’s doomed to be this guys shadow. The song I’m writing for Thomas aren't half as good as his poems…”

“You're being unfair to yourself, Jimmy, I’ve heard your songs.” 

“But you’ve never read Edward’s brilliance.” 

“Maybe you’re biased?”

Jimmy laughed. “What?”

“You have me and Thomas given you our very biased view of Edward.” 

“No… he’s good. Damn good. He should have let people see them.” 

“Okay. Fold it in half and give it to me.”

“You’re sure.”

“I’m not ready yet…” 

Jimmy nodded, and he folded the piece of paper for her. He held it out. 

Sybil took a deep breath and took it. “I’ll put it in my purse,” she said looking at it. 

“When you read it, let me know, be nice to be able to talk about one his poems.” 

“Yeah…oh. Well, sure. If…”

“It’s okay if can’t.”

“Oh.” She took another deep breath and looked around the room. It was clearly Jimmy’s room as much as it was Thomas’ and she shook her head. “Even when Philip as practically living here this room was only Thomas’… and yet here you are everywhere.”

“I like to make a mark,” 

“Yeah, I bet…” she grinned.

Jimmy blushed, and Sybil laughed. “You’ll take care of him for me?”

“For you? No. You have to do your own checking in.”

She nodded. “I…. Really do love Tom.” 

“I know. He knows it too.”

“I wouldn’t leave but…”

“It’s okay,” Jimmy smiled. “You aren’t going anywhere you haven’t already been. You two, you two will always be Sybil and Thomas. I can’t even take you away from him, and you think Branson has shot?”

“Oh, that is so true,” she laughed and flew at Jimmy. She hugged him tight, and he groaned a bit and laughed. 

“Thomas always said you were a serious hugger, ouch…” 

“Oh, shut up…” she squeezed him tighter. “You’re a rock star, and I’m so proud of you. I get to say I knew you when…” 

“You do, and you get to say, I helped him get there too…” Jimmy stepped backward. “Really. You helped me more than you know.” 

“Oh, thank you, Jimmy.” 

“We better get back, or he’ll come in,” Jimmy said. 

Sybil nodded and looked down at the piece of paper in her hand. She smoothed it down a bit and walked straight to her purse and carefully put into the pocket. Tom was back, and he walked over, his eyes on her hands. “What’s that?”

“My poem.” 

“From Edward?”

She nodded. 

“Is it nice?”

“I don’t know yet. I need to prepare myself.” 

“It’ll be beautiful, how couldn’t it,” Tom grinned. “Have you told them?”

“Have you not noticed Thomas’ glare?”

“He always glares at me.”

Sybil laughed and glanced at Thomas. He looked right at her, his mouth twitched upward into a bit of a smile, but he kept glaring at Tom. She was amazed it was making her boyfriend turn into a pile of dust. 

“Okay, that is worse than usual…. But he took it all right?”

“Better than I expected honestly, but that’s because of Jimmy. I keep forgetting to factor him in. I need to remember that.” 

“Finally completely aboard.”

“I was always on board.”

“Not completely.”

“I’m completely there. Yeah… They’re good for each other.” 

“You’re good for me.”

“Same,” Sybil grinned and kissed him. “Come on we need to celebrate with our friends.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the living room where everyone was laughing and drinking. But she looked back at her purse for a brief second, and when she turned back to the crowd, she caught Thomas’ eye. He glanced at her purse and back at her. He smiled but it a familiar edge of sadness. He knew what Jimmy gave her and it made it all the more real. He crossed the space and grabbed her elbow. She let him lead her into the kitchen, and he glanced over at her purse.

“He said you haven’t read it yet?”

“Not ready.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever… I don’t know if I can.” 

“The poems aren’t going anywhere. You put them in the best hands.”

“I know,” he grinned. 

“You’re okay with me…”

“I’ll miss you. Every day and I’ll never think he’s worthy of you.”

“I know.”

“But I love you and want you happy. And if he comes close to making you as happy as I am with Jimmy…” 

“Yeah, he does you know.”

“I’ll believe you.”

Sybil grinned and hugged him again. She had a feeling it wasn’t going to be the last of the evening. “Come on,” she laughed. “Let’s celebrate your rock star.”

“Let's.”


	83. Chapter 83

Thomas watched the men from the donation center take Sybil’s bed out of the apartment. For a week now she was in and out packing boxes. Slowly taking everything from her bedroom out of the flat and to Branson’s flat — miles in the wrong direction. He frowned as he followed behind them to close the door. This was moving day. The flat looked empty without her artwork on the walls and the miscellaneous knick knacks she spread throughout the place to make it homey. All there was now was his clocks and Jimmy’s poetry books and music sheets. It wasn’t empty, but it wasn’t complete. It wasn’t the whole picture. He closed the door, sighed loudly and made his way back to her bedroom. 

She and Tom were laughing about something when he walked back in. He didn't step far from the threshold of the door. The room looked huge without the bed in it. Sybil was attempting to fold her comforter, and Tom was taping up a rather large box. Sybil looked at him and grinned, her eyes going to all the boxes. “I’m amazed how much stuff I have in here.” 

“It’s been years, things accumulate,” Thomas said. 

She raised her eyebrow at him.

He shrugged. 

“Well, I’ll be taking these down to the truck,” Branson said picking up two boxes he’d stacked on top of each other. 

Thomas moved out his way and stared at the carpet of Sybil’s room — or rather the spare room. It was a creamy off white, and he’s unsure if he’s ever noticed that before. 

“Thomas?”

“I don’t have to like it,” he said. 

“I don’t expect you too… but nothing is going to change.”

He shook his head at her. “You know that’s wrong.” 

“Maybe a little but nothing huge. I’ll bug you constantly.”

Thomas smirked. 

“I’m quite annoying.”

“Little buzzing bug are you?”

“Yes.”

Thomas sighed. “I don’t know how to live without you.” 

“Oh, I think Jimmy will distract you nicely until you do.”

Thomas felt his cheeks redden as he thought about all the ways Jimmy could distract him. “You’re taking everything that makes this place look lived in by adults.” 

“Want me to leave some things?”

“No… would just make me miss you.” 

“I’m going to miss you too,” she said. 

“I know.”

“Good. Cause believe it. I’ll miss Jimmy too, he cooks. I don’t think Tom cooks. Back to living on take out.”

“Always come over for dinner when you can, you know. He really likes cooking, not that he’ll admit it.”

“What is that?”

“It’s an Alfred thing…” Thomas sighed.

“Oh… that bastard.” 

Thomas nodded and looked around the room. He saw more boxes and laughed a bit as he watched Sybil to continue to struggle with the comforter. “Need a hand.”

“Finally he remembers he has manners.” She threw it at him. 

It landed on his head, and he scowled as he pulled it off, but Sybil's laughter made his mouth turn up and into a smile. He started folding it and walked to the center of the room. A large box was sitting there, waiting, it had her pillows in it. They were going to have to squish it all in together he thought. 

“Will it fit.”

“We’ll make it,” he said as he finished folding it. He then pushed it into the box and looked at her. She stepped forward and together they argued with both the comforter and the box. But after a few minutes, Thomas triumphantly taped the box shut. 

Sybil sighed then and looked around the room. “It’s empty.”

Thomas looked around and thought the same thing

“I mean, I knew it would be… obviously. I…”

“You can stay.”

She looked at him with a sad smile. “Okay, a part of me wants too, but I love Tom. I want to live with him and start our life together.” 

“Yeah… well, I can’t argue with wanting to live with the man you love.”

“No, you can’t.” 

“He’s in the studio right now to get out of all of this…” he waved at the boxes. “Bastard.”

“Like you couldn’t have claimed to be needed at ZEB.”

“And miss my shot at talking you out of this?”

“I’m sad, but it’s…. A good sadness. It’s…. I know where I belong. I know you get that.”

Thomas nodded and looked at her. “You’re a place I belong.”

She flew at him, and he felt the breath knocked out of him as she hugged him. Tight enough to kill, he was sure of it, but he wasn’t going to complain. “You know it’s the same for me. Which is why what’s important won’t change.”

“Still hate it,” he creaked. 

She loosened her hold on him and stepped back. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I like that you hate it, I won’t lie,” she grinned.

“Cheeky.”

“Sybil?” Tom called out as he walked back into the room. “Is it just these boxes.” 

“I think so, but… are boxes still in the living room. I’ll check…” she gave Thomas another grin and punched his arm playfully before leaving the room. 

Thomas tracked her out of the room but then his gaze shifted to Tom. He was the enemy right now and he always gotten on Thomas’ nerves, and that was before he started dating Sybil. He reminded himself that he was a good man. He reminded himself that he’d been a good worker. He was responsible, and he was passionate about the things he cared about. Thomas wasn’t about to go into detail on the thought, but he knew that passion engulfed Sybil. 

“I’ll take the rest down…” Tom muttered after giving Thomas a wary look. 

“I don’t like this,” Thomas said.

Tom turned to look at him. “You don’t like me you mean?”

“No, that’s not what I mean. That’s true, but that’s not the issue.”

Tom blinked at him which was what Thomas expected. He wasn’t sure he could understand Thomas’ feelings when it came to Sybil. “I’ve known her since she was thirteen years old.” 

“When her family took you in.”

“She was and is the only one I like.” 

“Mary isn’t too bad.” 

Thomas laughed. 

“What?”

“If you can get Mary in your corner, you should. But back on topic. I’ve known her since she was thirteen. She is idealistic, open minded and more open hearted. She’s probably the kindness person in the universe, and I have no idea why she puts up with me.” 

Tom nodded. “Me either…I mean, me, I don’t get what she sees in me.” 

“Tom, don’t pretend to like me.”

Tom sighed. “I don’t dislike you, Thomas.”

“I suppose that’s a plus.” 

“I will take care of her. I will love her,” Tom said. “I know the two of you are like brother and sister. She worries about you, and she loves you, and she loves Jimmy.” 

Thomas smiled. It was what he did when people mentioned Jimmy, but he quickly pushed it away. This was serious and important. Sybil was his family, and she meant everything to him. “You better take care of her. You better love her. You’re quite aware of the kind of man I am, Tom. I know you will not take this threat as a jest or a joke. I know you won’t think this threat the expected words of an older brother threatening you to do right by his sister. No this isn’t that. The threat is real. You hurt Sybil. I will ruin you.” 

Tom’s stiffened, but Thomas kept staring him down. He wasn’t backing off on this and wasn’t at all worried about offending him. He wanted to offend him. Tom opened his mouth but shut it. Instead after a few more seconds, he took a deep breath. 

“Thomas…” his voice cracked with emotion. “I would never hurt her. Ever. I love her, more than I knew I could love anyone. Which I think is something you understand.” 

“I do.” 

“Yes. I won’t hurt her. But…”

Thomas raised an eyebrow. 

“Feel free to ruin me if I do.” 

“I will.”

“Good. It’s settled then?” Tom asked. 

“Sure…we can call it settled.” 

“Are you two done yet?” Sybil yelled from the living room.

Thomas smirked because Sybil always had uncanny timing. He was going to miss her yelling at him and Jimmy whenever she was home. He enjoyed her exasperation when she was fed up with them for whatever silly reason she had. Because she loved them and she rooted for them. She always had his back, and he would always have hers. But not living with her, even given she was not home more than she was, it was going to be an adjustment, and it was going to hurt like hell. 

“We are,” Tom yelled and then muttered. “I think.” 

Thomas walked down the hall and saw her holding a few small boxes. He sighed and realized the last of the boxes were going down. And then she was leaving and not coming back. At least until he talked her into coming over for dinner. Soon. Real soon. He sighed and glared at her. 

“I know,” she said. “Did you scare him?”

“I hope so.”

She rolled her eyes. “He won’t hurt me.” 

“You always think the best of people.”

“And I’m always right,” she stepped forward and kissed his cheek. “I know you’re happy for me.”

“I am,” he smiled. 

“So, what’s going to happen to my room? Workshop?”

“No.”

“No?” she said her eyes going wide in surprise. “Why not?”

Thomas looked at the wall they shared with the flat next door. “There is a piano next door that belongs to Jimmy.”

“Oh, in that jerks flat?”

“Yeah, we didn’t have room for it.”

Sybil looked at the wall and frowned. “Won’t you have to deal with what-his-face?”

“Yeah, and that’ll be an issue, but he wants that piano. He earned that piano.”

Sybil laughed. “Earned?” 

“Being Anstruther’s boy toy is a job, Sybil. Even if he may have enjoyed a few of the perks…” he made a face and instantly pushed the idea of Jimmy and her out of his mind. He already felt sick to his stomach from losing Sybil.

“H e’s come a long way, hasn’t he,” Sybil said. “From when we met him.”

Thomas grinned because he was proud. And happy. “Yeah.”

“You won’t miss me as much as you think. Not with him. You two can finally do it on the counter.” 

“Who says we haven’t?” 

Sybil laughed. 

Thomas raised an eyebrow.

“You’re bluffing,” she snapped. 

Thomas laughed, and he gave in, he pushed a bit of the grumpiness away. He took the box she was holding, that was a barrier between them. Then he pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. “I’m happy for you and… I think he’ll make you happy.” 

Sybil hugged him back and smiled against his chest.


	84. Chapter 84

Jimmy blinked when he walked into the flat. It was immediately obvious to him what was missing. But it was clear that the walls were missing paintings, and the dining room table wasn’t cluttered. There was only Thomas’ desk by the wall near the door. He ran a hand over his face and took a breath. It was bothering him. A lot. Sybil had become such a huge part of his life just as quickly as Thomas. In a way, he connected her with Thomas. They were a unit of sorts, family, and Jimmy sighed as he stepped further inside. 

It was too quiet. 

He made his way down the door and stepped into Sybil’s room. Or rather, a very empty room with pale walls and nothing but carpet. Which was where Thomas was sitting. He was against the far wall, legs bent up under his chin and glaring at the empty space. He walked over and sat down next to him, swinging an arm around his shoulders. 

“She really left,” he said.

“Yeah,” Thomas sighed. 

“Tell him?”

“He knows I’ll destroy him.”

Jimmy grinned and leaned into Thomas more. “How not okay are you?”

“I don’t know, just don’t like it.” 

“Yeah…” he looked at the room. “Didn’t realize this room was so big.”

“It’s not, not really.”

Jimmy glanced around and wondered what they could do with it? He thought about Thomas’ desk and thought it should be moved in here, put in a few of the bookshelves of his mom’s maybe. They now had room for him to grab the things he wanted from the house. But he looked at Thomas and sighed at the glower on his face. It wasn’t time for redecorating suggestions. 

He hugged Thomas into him until he shifted and was lying his head on Jimmy’s shoulder, their bodies a bit tangled up to make it comfortable but Jimmy need to wrap him up because he looked too damn sad. He ran a hand through Thomas’ hair and decided to glower at the empty space himself. 

“I’m being selfish.”

“So?” Jimmy laughed. 

Thomas chuckled. 

“She’ll bug us you know, it’s Sybil.”

“I told her you’ll still cook for her. Tom doesn’t cook.”

“Yeah, I’ll cook for her.” He grinned despite himself. It surprised him how much he liked cooking for Thomas, for her. It was nice and satisfying in a way, and he was getting better and better at it. It was calming, and he found a few times that his thoughts cleared. He figured out how to smooth more than one song kink while in the kitchen. 

“I didn’t think you’d mind.”

“No, not all.” 

Thomas lifted and stared at him. Jimmy met his gaze and grinned. “What?”

He smiled at him and shook his head. “Nothing, it’s just sometimes I get surprised by you being here.” 

Jimmy laughed. “Not used to me yet, huh?”

“No, don’t think I’ll be.” 

“Yeah…” he touched Thomas’ cheek. “I get it.” 

Thomas nodded, and he glanced around the room. “I was doing more than glaring at the walls when you came in.”

“Were you?” 

“Yes,” Thomas stood up and offered him his hand.

Jimmy took it and purposely fell into Thomas a bit, grabbing his hips and pulling him close enough to kiss. “What was it you were doing?” 

Thomas smirked at him and kissed him. Jimmy grinned into it enjoying that his trap worked. This was better than him looking sad after all. He pushed a hand into his hair and kept his other on Thomas’ hip. Thomas pulled away though after a moment and shook his head. “You don’t need to distract me.” 

“I don’t?”

“Already were really…” he looked around the room.

“What?”

“We should get your piano.” 

“What?” Jimmy stared at him. 

“You want it, right?” 

“I…” his heart started hammering. Yes, he wanted it, he needed it. He was writing songs that needed a piano, which meant he could only work on them in the studio. And somehow it wasn’t the same as being in the flat. He was yearning for it, and he probably mentioned it too often. He couldn’t hide it, but they hadn’t had the room. 

“It’s perfect, really,” Thomas said. “If anything has to be in here, I’d want it to be you.” 

“Me…”

“A music room? And you can bring your mom’s bookcases, her books. Maybe even fit all of yours and Edward’s journals somewhere…” Thomas stepped back and circled the room. “It’ll all fit.” 

“I…” Jimmy felt speechless and dumbfounded. “Really?”

“Yeah,” he grinned.

Jimmy stared at him and shook his head. 

“What?”

“I just wonder sometimes if you're real.” 

“That’s my line.”

“Maybe it’s our line. You don’t want to make this an office? Or a workshop?”

“I like the workshop at the company. It’s where I fell in love with the work as a kid. I know you prefer writing here.” 

“I do…it’s.... It’s where I really found my voice.” 

“So, let’s get it in here.”

Jimmy nodded, but then he frowned. “Alfred.”

“I’ll do it.”

“No,” Jimmy shook his head. “No. I have to. I have to do it, myself.”

Thomas was in his space and pushing hair off of his temple, his other hand on Jimmy’s neck. “Are you sure?”

“It’s… I don’t know why it’s just it’s my piano and he’s…. Not mine, that’s the wrong word. But he’s my past baggage, and I don’t know there are… things. I think there are things I want to say to him. If he’ll listen.” 

“You’re a dick better be the gist of all of it.”

Jimmy grinned. “A dick is he?”

Thomas laughed. “Philip grade dick even.”

“Highest form of dick there is.” 

Thomas’ stared into his eyes. “You’re sure you want to do it alone?”

“Alone, not exactly. But I won’t run from him. Plus, I bloody earned that piano…” he sighed thinking about it. “It’s bloody gorgeous piano too. And it’s just gathering dust in there, I’m sure of it. He never learned to play, and I bet he wouldn’t touch it because of me, even if he could.” 

“I can’t wait to hear you play it. Quite like the piano.” 

“Do you?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll play it for you, anything you want.” 

“Anything at all will probably do.” 

Jimmy smiled and looked around the room. He could see it, he realized. The piano, his mother’s bookcases with her favorite books, his books, Edward’s journals — because his poems were a daily part of his life at this point. And Thomas knew it and wasn’t hurt by it and wasn’t finding it strange at all. But it was settled on Jimmy's chest, and he touched his face. 

“It really wouldn’t bother you?”

“What?”

“If I put Edward’s journals on a shelf?”

“You seem to enjoy reading them,” Thomas said. “And someone should, right?”

“Yes, he’s… I wish I could show my mum his stuff.” 

“Then put them on the shelf. Maybe someday I’ll read them.”

“You should, they’ll make you blush,” Jimmy grinned.

Proving his point Thomas blushed in front of him and ducked his head down. “You don’t mind it?”

“What?”

“Reading love poems about me someone else wrote.”

“No…never been jealous of him. Surprises me but it’s true. Plus, he has great taste and every word is true.” 

Thomas laughed. 

“So… we get my piano, his journals, my mum’s books and bookcases. And your desk in here.” 

“My desk?”

“Yeah… I like being able to see you when I write. So, if you’re home and have work to do…”

“So, you can distract me from it completely.”

“Maybe make out a bit between notes…” 

Thomas laughed and kissed him. 

“Hmmm…”

“So… I was thinking,” Thomas whispered in his ear.

“What?”

“We can finally have sex on the counter.” 

Jimmy barked out a laugh and nodded. “Let’s.” 

~~~

He stared at the door for a good full minute. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine the piano. The shine of its wood, how white the keys were and how beautiful it had sounded the first time he pressed his fingers against it. Clear and perfect notes. It was so beautifully in tune, and he promised it he would keep it that way. Jimmy blushed a moment as he remembered the promise, it was a silly thing to say to something that wasn’t real. But the music as real to him and the notes were true. It was pure, and he wanted it to remain that way, only instead he hadn’t seen it almost a year. Was it almost a year? That seemed so long, yet everything that happened to him once meeting Thomas seemed to happen so fast. Fast but every moment was true and pure, he thought. Like that notes on the piano that he only got to play a few times before his life spun away from Alfred’s. 

Alfred. Jimmy sighed and knocked on the door. He knew he was home. He’d checked the parking lot. Alfred’s car was in its spot. He heard movement, and the door opened, but only a bit, the chain lock in place. Alfred peeked through and looked at with a wary expression. Jimmy sighed and told himself he shouldn’t have expected anything but that wary look. He supposed it was at least not a disgusted one, but that was probably coming. He braced himself. 

“I need to talk to you.”

“We have nothing to talk about,” Alfred said. 

Jimmy sighed. “I’m here about the piano.”

“What about it.”

“Well, it’s mine you know.”

“Gotten by sinning,” Alfred pointed out. He always pointed that about Anstruther. Jimmy sighed and wondered how he put up with that for so long. All it did now was make him want punch Alfred in the chin and tell him to lighten up. He thought about the signs on Alfred’s parent's lawn and sighed — he was what his upbringing created. But not all everyone turned into their parents, he thought. Thinking about Thomas and even himself. He squared hi shoulders. 

“Look, I have room for it now. So, can I come in an see it, I need to take measurements for making arrangements to get it moved.” 

Alfred sighed and opened the door all the way. Jimmy stepped inside and looked around the apartment. It looked significantly different from when the four of them lived together. Alfred gotten furniture of his own and it was all stuffy and made Jimmy think about grandfathers. He shook his head and headed right for the piano. He was surprised to find it dust free but glancing around he remembered Alfred was always a bit of a neat freak. He picked up the bundle of newspapers that was on the bench. Looking at them as he dropped it to the floor. 

“Are you 90?” he asked Alfred, forgetting they weren’t exactly on speaking terms. 

“Nothing wrong with collecting things.”

“Newspapers?” Jimmy turned to look at him, and it slammed him that they weren’t friends anymore. He quickly looked back at the piano. Saw a bunch of cookbooks on the top of it and frowned. “Going need you to take all your stuff off of it. People are coming Friday to move it.” 

“Mum said you’ve been at your dad’s place…”

“Did she? Huh, never saw her when I was there.”

“You were with him,” Alfred said.

“You mean my boyfriend?” He turned to look at him again.

Alfred sighed and looked away. Jimmy frowned because he wasn’t being glared at like he was something gross on Alfred’s shoe. Was that progress? “I told she should’ve said hi…”

“Really?”

Alfred looked at him. “I don’t agree, Jimmy. It’s a sin.”

“It really isn’t.” 

Alfred shook his head. “I heard it you know.” 

“Heard what?”

“That song. It was different, but it was still close enough to your first draft.”

“Oh.” Jimmy narrowed his eyes at him.

“It’s good.”

“I know.”

“I couldn’t drum that… too complex.”

“Yeah, you couldn’t,” he agreed, and he turned back to the piano. He took a breath and put his fingers on the keys. He started playing the song he was working on in the studio. The song he writing for Thomas. The Soppy Piano Ballad was Ivy’s title for it. Jimmy hadn’t figured out what he wanted to call it. He closed his eyes and played. The notes were clear, and Jimmy felt himself breath a sigh of relieve. They maybe needed some tuning, environment factors but it was still bright and pure. It was new, and it was all his. He touched the wood and ran his hand down it as he closed the cover. He pulled the measuring tape out of his back pocket. 

“Uh…” 

Jimmy turned and looked at him. “Yeah?”

“Ivy?”

“What about her?”

“How is she?”

“Ask her yourself.”

“She won’t take my calls.”

“Shocker.”

Alfred scowled and looked at his feet. “I…”

“What?”

“Miss her.”

Jimmy stared at him, baffled and pissed off. “Oh, you miss Ivy do you?” 

Alfred looked up. “Miss…. How things were. Why you go and change them?”

He told Thomas there were things he wanted to say to Alfred. Things that jiggled around his mind when he couldn’t sleep, or he was in the shower, or in the car. Usually, he was writing in his head but when he wasn’t sometimes his mind drifted to the one part of his life that wasn’t close to perfect. He missed Alfred. They’d grown up together. They were supposed to be mates forever because it just was, it wasn’t something that anyone would think about. He missed him, and he hated that he did and his question was why. 

“I didn’t change anything. This was your call, Alfred.”

“You decided to be…”

“No, I decided to stop lying to myself. I didn’t change, not a damn thing about me has changed.” 

Alfred frowned. “No, you have.”

Jimmy shook his head. “It didn’t have to end, Alfred. You picked that route.”

“What?”

“Our friendship. Your relationship with Ivy. You could still have us both, but you shoved us out.”

“You and Daisy brainwashed Ivy.”

“No, she just learned to think for herself.” 

Alfred shook his head. 

“Might want to try it some day, Alfred,” Jimmy said.

“I think just fine.” 

“If you say so…” Jimmy turned back to his piano and started measuring it. He felt Alfred’s eyes on his back the entire time, but he gritted his teeth and kept working on it. Alfred shifted behind him, and he heard a sigh. Jimmy inhaled sharply and spun around. The measuring tape snapped back into itself with a loud thwack. 

Alfred jumped at the sound. “I just… I wish things could be different.” 

“Do you?”

“Can’t change what I believe and you won’t change what you are.”

“Who,” Jimmy muttered. “And no. You won’t change, and I guess I won’t either.” 

“Yeah…” Alfred sighed.

“She won’t either, Alfred. Ivy won't. And she was never going to like you back, not like you wanted. Move on for own damn good.” 

Alfred’s mouth opened, and Jimmy thought he was going to argue with him and tell him he’d read that wrong but then his mouth shut. Alfred gave him a sad smile. “Guess you still know me.”

“Yeah, guess I do.” 

“Mum said Mrs. Stuart said she had writing credit on the song?”

“She does, will have on more songs. Couldn’t be doing this without her.” 

“Guess she kind of got what she always wanted.” 

“We’re better, her and me, how we are now.” 

“We were kids together…” Alfred said. 

“Yeah.” 

“I can’t…” Alfred shook his head. “I can’t condone it.” 

Jimmy sighed and turned back to his piano. He took a deep breath and touched it. “Yeah, and the fact you say things like that means there is no chance in that hell you believe in we can ever be anything but people who used to be friends.” 

“Yeah… I guess so. I’ll leave you be.” 

“Friday is when I’ll come back for it,” Jimmy said. 

“I won’t be here,” Alfred walked to stand by the door and opened a drawer. “This is my extra key, just leave it when you’re done.”

Jimmy took the key and watched Alfred disappear down the hall. He sighed and thought that it hadn’t helped at all. Being able to say some of the things he wanted too. It was never going stop hurting, that was just the way of it. He supposed maybe it would get easier and maybe some day he would go years without ever thinking the name Alfred. But until then he had plenty of better things to spend his time thinking on. 

He smiled at the piano. He hummed the rest of the time as finished up measuring it. He was about to leave but he couldn’t quite yet. It was right there. He sat back down and played a bit more of the song he was writing. Thomas’ song and he grinned. He was looking forward to him hearing it, more so since he’d admitted he liked piano music. Which fit Jimmy thought because he never questioned that when he wrote Thomas a song what instrument it would be on. 

He played the last chords a few time and then stood up and made himself leave. Soon it would be in his own home, in his music room. He had a music room. He had a boyfriend. He had a hit single on the radio. He had an album. He stood in front of their door. He stared at the door and thought about all the things had just inside. 

Grinning he walked inside. He dropped Alfred’s key on Thomas’ desk and realized they’d have to move something else there, or they’d be dropping things on the floor. He walked down the hall and poked his head into the room. Thomas stood in front of his mother’s bookcases and was looking at them with his head tilted. They were empty, the books that belonged on their shelves in the corner of the room. Thomas had the two of them about piano’s length apart. Jimmy grinned and pulled out the measurements from his pocket. 

“It looks right. Let’s check it,” he said. 

Thomas looked at him and grinned. “How did it go?”

“The piano is still perfect. It’s perfect,” Jimmy grinned.

“And?”

“That’s just… Gone and I hate it. But I don’t much like him anymore.”

“I understand that,” Thomas said. 

Jimmy nodded, and he knew Thomas did understand. It wasn’t empty words, it was the truth. “You know what I realized when I was over there?”

“What?”

“In about two weeks it’ll be a year since we met.” 

“What?” Thomas blinked at him. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“You were so drunk and so fucking beautiful. Still are fucking beautiful.”

“But only occasionally drunk… I…. My first memory of you is just your face. I remember thinking: _Wow a floating head. Oh, wow, floating head guy is hot._.”

“Surprised you remember that night at all.”

“I do. Never will forget it.”

“Me either.” 

“Good.”

“Good.” 

Thomas reached and grabbed his hand. He tugged until Jimmy was in his body space. He pushed his hand underneath Jimmy’s shirt and ran his hand up his spine and back down again. Jimmy sighed into the touch and let his forehead fall onto Thomas’ shoulder. He wrapped his arms around his waist. Thomas kept stroking his back. “What do you want to do?”

“To celebrate?”

“Yeah.”

“This,” Jimmy whispered into his neck. 

Thomas hand pressed at the base of his neck and Jimmy looked up and into gray eyes that were shining with love. Jimmy swallowed, and he reached up and touched his cheek, stubble scratching his palm. “We have forever to celebrate.” 

“Forever.”


End file.
